The porn baron v the Super Model from SA...

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Posted: Wed Jun 07, 2006 6:28 am

This is one I picked from the Surplus Letters Forum [Thanks to Gnasher], as it offered plenty of trophy picture and possible safari opportunities....

The cast -

P3ter Pip3r - Thirty-something US porn baron, CEO of Raunch Adult Films
L0vett J0nathan - Super Model from South Africa
Jennifer Opia - the complete banker
Candy Strap0n - bi-porn star

Quote:

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am Mrs. Lovett Jonathan (a Professional Model and Citizen of South
Africa) wife of late Chief Michael Rufus Opia, the erstwhile
Chairman/Managing Director of Unilever Nigeria and also a business
mogul.

My predicament started with the tradition of property-grabbing on my
late husband's properties by is family.

What followed after was that I and my only daughter were asked to vacate
my matrimonial home by my late husband's brothers so that they can
absorbed with all my late husband's properties a month after his
funeral, relying on tribal traditions (beliefs and custom of their clan)
just because I did not bear a male child for my husband before his death
whom they believed would have inherited his estates.

They forcefully accused me of infidelity because I am a Super Model and
I have model for different companies. THIS IS PURELY AN ACT OF JEALOUSY.

This suddenly destitute me as a widow and had to scrambled to get help
from a member of our Church who through her humane kindness, gave us (I
and my only daughter) an apartment to lay our heads in her house. As the
beneficiary next-of-kin to my late husband's "Domiciliary Account"
(Dollar Account) he was operating with the his bank before the incident
that led to his death, I was fortunate to have left the house with all
the vital documents relating to the account which had a closing balance
of $20Million (Twenty Million United States Dollars). When I visited
the bank last week, the Branch Manager reliably informed me that I can
come for the claim of the funds at any point in time and when so
desired.

I have mapped out and agreed that if you can help me in this matter, you
will retain 20% of the total funds, while 70% will be for me and my
children, while 10% will be for any expenses insured in the course of
this transfer. I thank you most sincerely, for your time and your
anticipated assistance and I look forward to hearing from you soon. May
Almighty God bless you!

Sincerely,
Mrs. Lovett Jonathan

- Lovett Jonathan
--

My initial response..

Quote:

Dear Mrs Lovett,

I was moved to tears by your sad plight. It is always sad when
supermodels are down to their last $20Million (Twenty Million United
States Dollars, you just ask Kate Moss and Naiomi Campbell.

Please let me know what I can do to help you resolve this situation.

Regards.

Pet3 Pip3r
[Managing Director- Raunch Adult Films and Magazines, Hollywoodland, CA,
USA]

My model friend doesn't seem to know her own first name, and she thinks that she has met a messiah....

Quote:

Dear Mr. Pet3 Pip3r,

Thanks for hearing my cry. I lack words to express my sincere gratitude as
right now I feel and believe that I have meet a messiah.

Just as my email explained, I have been languishing in pains and tormented
but I know that there will surely be light at the end of a tunnel.

My US$20million has been tied down and my late husbands family have been
making life hell for me. But I thank God through the help of my late
husband�s lawyer and bankers, I was advised to look out for a trusted person
who can stand as my next of kin and to who�s account the US$20million will
be transferred into.

I feel relief when I receive your email today, although I am replying late
due to the fact that I now have refuge in the Church Ministry as my late
husbands family threw me out of our home.

Kindly send me your direct telephone number and fax.

I await your quick reply as I will be by my computer.

Thanks
Loveth Jonathan

My response...

Quote:

Dear Loveth,

Thanks for your e-mail.

Please note, I am not the messiah, I'm just a very naughty boy.

Here are my telephone number and fax numbers.

Phone - 206-222-21XX

Fax - 44-87-1251-73XX

I am an extremely busy and sucessful businessman in the Adult
Entertainment industry, so I am always on the look out for new business
opportunities and also new talent,
especially young and attractive women like yourself for my film and
modelling business. If you cannot
reach me on the telephone, just leave a message. I am always
contactable by e-mail.

Must go now, as I have to interview some young ladies for a Fluffing
vacancy at my film company.

Yours.

Pet3 Pip3r.
[CEO - Raunch Adult Films]

Fluffing - a technique used in most pornographic films today. When the male star has to get "aroused" for the camera he is fluffed beforehand. A stagehand, someone usually chosen just for this job, either gives the star a hand or blow job. Nice job! Cool

The lad's grasp of English suddenly seems to have deteriorated and she seems to be developing a prudish streak...

Quote:

Dear P3ter Pip3r,

Thanks for your email. There is an issue i will want you to know. Because of
my role in the intertainment industries in the parst and based on the fact
that late husbands family are very much arround and also that communicate
with you from the church, i will like us to be little matured about the
content of our emails untile i come over.

I am being monitored here and all that i am transacting with you should be
kept secreat, i will not like any of my people to know about it.

Also you know i stay in the church compound, my senior pastor is arround
observing my movement.

Immediatley the fund is wired to your account, i will come over to US.
Please try to let me know how much it will cost me to get a nice house to
buy.

Please try the bank will be contacting you shortly and please try to
coperate with the bank for smooth flow and easy transfer of the fund to your
account. Presently i am only managing to feed as my late husbands family
have riped me off my belongings. The only hope i have is that fund, which i
cannot use unless the fund is transfered overseas.

Bye
Loveth Jonathan

In the mean time, the bank get in touch. I touch base and then respond to my Lovely...

Quote:

Dear Lovely,

Thank you for your e-mail.

I have been in contact with the bank to progress the transaction.

I quite understand your pediment regarding the intertainment industries
in the parst. I luck forward for you to coming over for me. after all,
that is what I make my living from.

I am sorry to say, but your pastor sounds like a right kill joy, he
really needs to losen his cassock and chill out a bit.

If you are interested in moving here to the USA, you are more than
welcome to stay with me in my Malibu beach home. There is plenty of
room. You can then look around to buy a property that you like.

I can also audition you for a part in one of my up and coming films. To
this end, it would be helpful if you could send a photograph of
yourself, so I can pitch the film to the producers and guarantee you a
part and an excellent salary for your efforts.

My friend Candy Strapon, who is due to star in my next film is always
willing to help new talent. I have not told her of our business
arrangement, so do not worry. She likes to get on the other bus and is
willing to help you to do the same in order to get you to California.

Got to go now as Candy has got to audition for me for the next film.
It's a hard life but somebodies got to do it

Keep your chin up, and no dribbling.

P3te Pip3r
[CEO Raunch Films]

My 'Super Model' responds. She tried to ring me but couldn't (quelle suprise!) and would love to meet me. Here is my response......

Quote:

Hi Loveth,

Thanks for your latest e-mail.

I'm sorry you couldn't get through on the phone. I get literally
hundreds of business calls everyday, so it is often difficult to reach
me.

I look forward to receiving your picture. I am currently casting another
film for my Adult Entertainment Corporation - Raunch Films - entitled
"Debbie Does Darfur". Subject to vetting your photo and certain other
requiremnts, I would very much like to offer you a part in it, you being
a model and all that.

Regarding the filming, you would need to travel to the location,
somewhere in Africa, yet to be finalised. I would pay your hotel
expenses and also a salary commensurate with your role and performance.
Such a role would leave you wide open to fame and fortune here in the
USA. Believe me, this is an offer you cannot afford to turn down.

Must fly off to work now - got to film a 'four's up' scene for my
current production "Snow White And The Three Dwarfs"

Hi-ho! Hi-ho! Look after yourself.

P3te Pip3r
[CEO Raunch Films]

My beloved comes up with a copy and paste photo of 'herself'

This was my initial response to try and get her on the road to Dakar.

Quote:

Loveth,

Yes I did receive your last e-mail. I have been busy on location on my
latest adult film "AMBER THE LESBIAN QUEEFER". It's now in the can and the after film party had to be seen to be beleived. It would have made a film in itself!!

Thank you for the photo. I showed it to my assistant Casting Director,
Huge Wankenstein, and also Candy Strapon, who
was very taken with you and can't wait to meet you in the flesh.

We have finalised the location for the next film, provisionally titled
"Debbie Does Darfur". This is to be filmed in Dakar, Senegal. We leave
in my private Leary jet from LA airport this Sunday 11th June and arrive
early Monday morning at Yoff Airport in Dakar. We are staying in the
penthouse suite at the Hotel de Ville. Filming starts on Tuesday 13th
June.

I have provissionally pencilled in a part for you in this adult epic,
playing the part of Candy's girlfriend, 'Ebony'.

As I said in my previous e-mail, you will be required to travel to the
location for filming. Your luxury suite has already reserved and paid
for in Dakar. The champagne is on ice.

I have approved your appearance fee of US$50,000 with the money guys
plus future royalties of 1% of the gross DVD/video take. The fee has
already been deposited with Western Union in Dakar using the special
Western Union International Secure Service which will require you to go
to Dakar in person to collect it. Please understand this is purely for
security reasons, as there are plenty of unscrupulous people in Africa.
The Western Union address is BICIS NGOR, Route De N'Gor, Dakar, Senegal,
which is not far from the hotel.

Got to fly now, one of my pert blonde Fluffers wants some shooting
practise before we start the next film, "AFRO-CENTRIX #36 - PUMPIN' THE
PO-PO".

Chow babe.

P3te Pip3r

My beloved Loveth is in the UK and wants me to send her US$5,000, as she hasn't a cent...

Quote:

Dear P3ter Pip3r,

1. Did you not receive any document from the bank? this you did not say
anything about.

2. I told you that i am only surving through the help of wellwishers.
Presently i am in the United Kingdom +447024063847. I am ready to fly down to Dakar Senegal but i dont have a cent with me.

If you really wanna help me in this regards, i will request that you send me US$5,000 to me in United Kingdom so that i can move immediately.

You did not consider my poor financial status, you email sound as if i will
fly to Senegal free.

Please get back to me.

Bye
Loveth

Surely she can get a loan from her bank given that she has a large deposit (guffah!) with them...? I tell her that the money is there in Dakar waiting...

Quote:

Lovett,

I have not received any documents from the bank, although I have just
received an e-mail requesting a payment of US$5,000 to Western Union.
I informed them that I had already deposited US$50,000 in the Western
Union in Dakar in anticipation of your film commitment there and told
them to contact you so you could explain the position.

You didn't tell me you were in London! I thought you were somewhere in
Africa. How did you manage to get to London without any money?
I would have thought your share of the US$20,000,000 (US Dollars)would
have been more than sufficient to get you to Dakar? If not, I suggest
you get your bank manager to loan you the money, using the deposit as
security. Remember, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, you need
to grasp it firmly with both hands.

Normally, I would have diverted my private jet to London to pick you up.
However, we have a very tight schedule and that is just not possible,
I'm afraid.

Get back to your banker pronto to sort this matter out.

Must go now as Candy's vibrator batteries need changing and she's
getting restless. She sends her love by the way, and can't wait to meet
you in Dakar in the flesh. She has also asked me to send you a photo of
her so you know who you will be performing with. So here she is in all
her glory>>>>
http://i64.photobucket.com/albums/h183/Peter_Piper/candystrapon06.jpg

I hope you like it.

Chow babe.

P3ter Pip3r

I then get curt e-mail from her banker Jennifer Opia of V0lks Credit Private Bank...

Quote:

Dear Sir,

We thought you said you want to help this lady?

We do not understand the idea between you and Loveth, the US$50,000 with Western Union in Dakar what is it for?
Why that huge sum of money? Why would she travel to Dakar to pick up the money? We dont understand.
We called Loveth today but she was not in the mood to talk to us.

Can you let us have the telephone number of the Western Union In Dakar? Does the Western Union not have Control Number. Please send us the MTCN number and full information.

There is no time to delay on this transaction it is very important.

Regards
Jennifer Opia

A slap is required...

Quote:

Jennifer Opia,

Firstly, let me say I do not like the general tone of your e-mail.
Remember it was Lovett who contacted me in this matter and not the other
way round.

Lovett knows exactly what the US$50,000 is for, so I suggest you contact
her again and get her to explain, as I am not going to waste my valuable
time explaining it to you. Flying to Dakar is a small price to pay for
the amount of money involved. If she is not up to the job, I will find
somebody else who is, simple as.

As I said to Lovett, the money is there in Dakar waiting to be picked
up. She doesn't need the MTCN, as she has the test question and answer.

I do not have the telephone number of the Western Union office in Dakar,
why should I have? I made the transfer through my local office here in
the States. In any event, the office in Dakar would not confirm the
transfer over the phone as it is a Western Union International Secure
Service transaction which I paid a premium for, for security reasons, as
advised by my accountants.

Got to go now, time is money. Candy has lost the key to her furry
handcuffs. Adult films don't make themselves you know.

P. Pip3r

My Super Model's English seems to be deteriorating with every e-amil...

Quote:

Dear P3ter Pip3r,

I guess you need to understand something. I have been in the UK for several months now. I was stll having some cash on me when i travel down to UK.

I was previously in Southafrica but had to move down to UK thinking that i
will find a nice work there.

If you ready my frist email very well, you will understand my problem. The bank manager only agreed to assist me on his own risk. There cannot use the money as security because of the circumstance sourrounding the money.

What other favour would i have asked from you if not to send me money to take a flight to Dakar.

Bye
Loveth

My patience is now wearing thin and I sack her banker....

Quote:

Loveth,

I am confused and losing my patience. One minute you tell me you are down to your last cent, then the next you tell me that you have been in the UK for several months. I know Super Models are notoriously picky eaters, but what are you living on? Fresh air?

How come an attractive Super Model like you hasn't found nice work there yet? Given Kate Moss's coke habit and Naiomi's attitude, I would have thought you would be well up the 'A' list.

Time is now running out. Your banker is clearly incompetent. I have decided that she has no financial understanding and I can no longer deal with her. She has your money but will not advance you the money for you to fly to Dakar. What sort of business is that? The women is clearly a moron.

Here's the deal...me and my crew and cast are flying to Dakar the day after tomorrow. Your US$50,000 is there at the Western Union waiting for you. Your hotel room is booked and paid for. The pink champagne is on ice. What more do you want? You need to move quickly if you are to take advantage of this once in a lifetime opportunity.

Pull your fingers out of your arse, or lose them. Wake up and smell the roses.

Got to go now, Candy is modelling the gimp mask and rubber outfit for the forthcoming film and she wants talcum powder and some hard attention.

Ta ta.

P3te Pip3r
[CEO Raunch Films]

We are due to fly to Dakar tomorrow (Sunday 11th) so I send this ultimatum to the lad to see what, if anything, happens...

Quote:

Loveth,

Your time is fast running out on this deal. I can walk away. I have more
money than I know what to do with. I don't need you, you need me.

You now have less than 24 hours to make a decision regarding the Dakar
trip, otherwise the deal is off. Understand?

I have already got somebody else lined up to take your part for the
US$50,000, so you need to think very carefully about your coital position. The money is waiting in Dakar, and your hotel suite is already booked. All
you need to do is to get there.

Your banker is a complete waste of space, so please don't waste my
valuable time by involving her any further in this business.

You are either in or out. Simple as.

Time is ticking.....................................fast!

Got to go now as Candy is packing her bondage gear for the trip, and I
want to make sure the cat-o-nine-tails is in there somewhere.

Over to you.

P3te Pip3r
[CEO Raunch Films]

I think my lazy Super Model has blown me out, if you'll pardon the pun!

So I sent her this as a parting shot to vent my spleen...

Quote:

Lovett,

Are you stupid or just a plain fool?

You have blown the best chance of your life, due to your weekend's
laziness. You had US$25,000 sitting in a bank in Dakar waiting for you.
Yet you couldn't be bothered to get of your lazy skinny Super Model arse
to collect it from the Western Union. What's the matter with you, you
stupid bitch?

We have now started shooting the movie here in Dakar. It's goin' great.
Your allocated part in the movie and your money has gone to an
up-and-coming actress, April Showers.

Candy was particularly taken with her in the auditions, and she was
licking her lips in anticipation of today's filming.

You obviously have no serious ambitions in your sad excuse for a life as
you did not get back to me before the deadline that I set three days
ago. Perhaps you were just too busy fiddling with your goat?

Remember, you get what you deserve in this life. As my dear old mom used
to say..."If it don't hurt, it ain't work!"

You really are a disgrace to your late family and they deserve better
than your pathetic whining for help from complete strangers.

Sort yourself out pronto and try and make your parents proud, OK? An
uphill gardening task I know, but you owe them that at least. Life ain't
a rehearsal, baby.

See you in another place and another life.

P3te Pip3r
[Dakar, Senegal]

The End

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