writer and poet

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Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2005 1:37 pm

I just started baiting this lad last week. (see surplus letters: writer and poet)

Quote:

How are you doing,may i know you .
i am emma,from Nigerian,a student,wiriter,poet,from Nigerian.
what do u do,where are you from,are you married.

tell me about you,can you be of good help to me.
i need fund to go for conference in usa this november 25th.
do reply me.
thanks,
emma.

My first reply:

Quote:

On Fri, 25 Nov 2005 09:05:02 +0100, "margory"
said:
Hi Emma,

Thank you very much for your e-mail.

Unfortunately I cannot send you any money just like that.
However I can do something else (so please continue to read this mail carefully).

It is very interesting to learn that you are a writer and poet.
I am publishing a magazine for new writers and poets, and if you want I can publish some of your work in it as well!
If it is any good I can even pay you some money for it.

So please feel free to send me some entries for it.
I will try to get you a scanned copy of the magazine via e-mail very soon.

If there are any other writers and poets in your area they can also
enlist. (and if their work is any good they can also get some money for it).

The entries have to be in at the last day of every even month (February, April, June, August, October, December).
And the magazines will be published the last week of the other months
(January, March, May, July, September, November).

Take care & till next e-mail,

Margory

PS You can send entries to this address: [email protected]
Please make sure that you use the subject: entries magazine.

My Second mail:

Quote:

Hi Emma,

How come I haven't heard from you yet?
Your first e-mail came to me as a pleasant surprise and I would love to
correspond with you.
If you are still interested in getting your work published, feel free to
send it to me.

Do you write on a regular bases?
Do you like to write?
Do you want to get your poems and stories to be published in Europe?

Please let me know.
I would love to stay in touch with you.

Margory

And this is what I got in my mailbox today:

Quote:

i dont have money to buy time to use the cyber cafe always that is why.
yes, i like to corespond with you too,but i need money some money to enable me corespond well and better with you.so i can also send you my poems.
i write on regular bases,but no money to get it on net or published,if you can help me with little money $100 with it i can send you all my poems so you can get it published,or you can buy them.
do reply me sir,
emmanuel.

So a woman turned into a man (quick sex change) and he's already asking for money.
Who can turn that down?
Smile

Just too bad that I already wrote that I'm not able to send him the money just like that ...
Marge

Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2005 2:54 pm

I noticed the same lad as well, and a thought struck me - the poet modality would allow me to send hir some Vogon poetry as well!

Quote:

Hello, Emma.

My name is Tricia McMillian, and I'm a writer from London.
I am not married, but I have two friends - Arthur and Ford.
Both of them are very funny; I've travelled with them
everywhere.

What kinds of sums are we talking about? What is
the conference about and where is it held?

Please write me soon.
--
Yours,
Tricia

Emmanuel's reply was fast and hilarious:

Quote:

wow you a writer great, i met a writer,am up coming poet,writer,am in schoo;.
the conference will be holding this november 25th 2005 in usa,it is all about social studies,building a new curiculum for social studies,and how to teach social studies in school, i am an invited guest.i need to be there,is urgent now,no much time left.

wow ,you are single,great,those ur two friends hope they are fine,i may like to meet them someday. but do you care to be my close friend if you really care.

i need $1500 dollars for my air flight ticket,and $250 for my visa fees,$150 for my passport to be renewed. dear i will be very greatful if you be of help to me.

will like you to send the oney through western union money transfer to make it faster for me to collect.
SEND MONEY TO:
NAME:EMMANUEL OKONKWO
ADDRESS: 29/33 NEW LAGOS ROAD,
CITY:BENIN CITY
STATE:EDO STATE
CODE:23452
COUNTRY: NIGERIA.

Dear,Tracia i will be very greatful to you if you be of good help and surpport to me. and dont forget i like to be your close friend,like to get to meet you sooner.

do reply me.
God bless you,
emmanuel okonkwo.

1900 dollars? That's a lot. Let's see if I can save a bit. I thought about mailing a bit of AYBABTU in each mail... too bad I forgot about it soon.

Quote:

It's this Friday? Wow, I will send you the money now, otherwise you
have no chance to survive make your time. I'll go to the nearest
Western Union office right after I send this email.

> i need $1500 dollars for my air flight ticket,and $250 for my visa
> fees,$150 for my passport to be renewed. dear i will be very greatful if you
> be of help to me.

So that's $1800? You ought to have the cash tonight.

Could you send me one of your poems? That would make me happy.

Apparently he doesn't care if it's $1900 or $1800, even though he cannot get his passport renewed now. But that's his problem, not mine.

Quote:

when you send the money do email me the details you used to send it.
i will email you one of my best poems.
do rely me.

Look and behold - he actually sent me a poem!

Quote:

Dear,this is my best poem ever written.hoe you like it.
love,
emmanuel.

A CURSE ON THE DAY I WAS BORN.

put a curse on the day i was born;
put a curse on the night when i was conceived!
turn that day into darkness,
never again remember that day;
never again let light shine on it.
make it a day of gloom and thick darkness;
cover it with clouds,and blot out the sun.
blot that night out of the year,
and never let it be counted again;
make it a barren,joyless night.
Tell the sorcerers to curse that day,
those who know how to control leviathan.
Keep the morning star from shining;
give that night no hope of dawn.
curse that night for letting me be born,
for exposing me to trouble and grief.

I wish i had died in my mother"s womb
or died the moment i was born.
(etc. etc. yadda yadda)

I was impressed that he had managed to create something like this - but my astonishment lasted only about 12 seconds. First of all, the grammar and splelling is much better than in his other mails. A quick Google told me that this stuff is from Job, 3rd chapter.

Let's see what he says to this:

Quote:

Hello, I wired the money to you last night. I have attached
a copy of the Western Union receipt to this mail. I copied
the payment details from your email

Your poem was very touching and showed some genuine
artistry. You know what you doing. I will send one of
my poems to you; maybe it will inspire you.

I attached a WU receipt pic from another scam - after I had opened and saved it in Wordpad.

Quote:

Hello dear Tricia,
I got the mail,but the western union copy you attached,you did not attach it well,it dint open. i told you,just send me the
MTCN control number....,your full name.... and phone numbe....r,the question and answer....,so i can go and take the money from bank.

do reply me.
emmanuel.

Oops, I had forgotten about the MTCN - honestly. Ah well.

Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2005 3:08 pm

So let's reply to him. The MTCN is completely random, of course. I picked the number from here, just in case he wants to bother some other lad. Thanks, ladbasher!

Quote:

Date: Nov 25, 2005 12:16 PM

> MTCN control number....,your full name.... and phone numbe...

What you say? My full name is Tricia McMillian. The MTCN
number is 9752487763. You can reach me at +44 70401 17428.

Are you still going to make it to the convention? It is Friday
already, you know. Tell me what you are going to do.

--
Worried,
Tricia

By now it's Friday and too late for him to get anywhere, if he were to go somewhere in the first place. The time field in the next mail indicates that he has been busy, most likely he's been arguing with a WU clerk...

Quote:

Date: Nov 25, 2005 6:50 PM

Hello dear,
WHAT IS THIS THAT YOU JUST GAVE ME,THIS IS NOT A WESTERN UNION NUMBER.ABEG EH IF YOU BI NIGAR GUY TELL ME OK,MAKE I NO DEY SUFFER MY SELF DEY TALK TO YOU.

IF YOU GET TIME TO DEY WRITE ME ALL THIS CRAB,AND YOU GET TIME TO DEY MAIL ME ALL THIS FAKE THINGS.

IF YOU NOT REAL PERSON TELL ME OK.
I JUST TOLD YOU IF YOU CAN HELP,YOU GAVE ME FAKE WESTERN UNION,FAKE EVERYTHING.YOU THINK SAY I BI MUMU.

WRITE BAK.
EMMA.

Aww, he's upset. And he's yelling. I hate that.

Quote:

Hey, don't be rude! Your tone is not very friendly now, is it? Remember,
you are the one who needs the money here.

I want you to apologize to me. Say "I'm sorry, Tricia. I was angry
but I didn't mean those things I wrote."

--
Yours,
Tricia

Quote:

why will i have to apologise for what.you bi nigar gee man.
abeg eh,when next you dey write me use our nigar language,like me, i wan make we yan,so to see if we can work together abi.
emma.

It seems that his grammar gets worse the angrier he gets. I like that. Twisted Evil

Quote:

Well, if you do not want the Western Union MTCN code...
Besides, my name is Tricia. I'm a lady!

> abeg eh,when next you dey write me use our nigar language,like me, i wan
> make we yan,so to see if we can work together abi.

Please act more professionally. Do you want this $1800 or not?

--
Waiting for your apology,
Tricia

He was silent for a day, so I decided to fill my promise...
I had to send him a poem! (Courtesy of the BBC Vogon Poetry Generator)

Quote:

See, see the whale sky
Marvel at its big neon green depths.
Tell me, Emma do you
Wonder why the mugu ignores you?
Why its foobly stare
makes you feel shitty.
I can tell you, it is
Worried by your dey facial growth
That looks like
A lobster.
What's more, it knows
Your brunch potting shed
Smells of mould.
Everything under the big whale sky
Asks why, why do you even bother?
You only charm brown stain in my underwears.

--
Waiting for your apology,
Tricia

And finally, one hour ago...

Quote:

you bi big fool,maga go kill you.
mumu monkeu man.

My first death threat! jump_4_joy

...at least it's somewhat threatening. I guess that counts.

Posted: Thu Dec 01, 2005 8:24 am

Here is the latest addition to my 'e-mail exchange' with 'emmanuel'.

Quote:

His reply:
Date: Thu, 1 Dec 2005 2:13 AM
From: "emmanuel okonkwo" <[email protected]>
To: "margory" <xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Subject: Re: 2 poems, hope you like them

hello dear Margory,
nice poems, i realy need the money,can you send me the money today $100 with it i will send you all my poems and more datas. Send $100? I don't think so! I already told him that I don't send out money that easily!
do reply me.
emmanuel.

My e-mail
Margory <xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

Dear Emmanuel,

I took the liberty of sending you 2 of my favourite poems.
I have also published them in my magazine.
I hope you will like them.

Respectfully yours,

Margory

Poem 1 - not printed due to copyright

============

Poem 2 - not printed due to copyright

Posted: Thu Dec 01, 2005 8:25 am

And this is what I sent him this morning in reply to his e-mail.
He really needs to learn how to read his own e-mails.

Quote:

Dear Emmanuel,

It is very nice to get your e-mail.
However, in my first e-mail I wrote that I could not possibly send you
any money just like that.
I would be willing to pay AFTER I get your poems published! I hope you
can understand that.
I have had some difficulty in the past with writers who got their money
and then they just never sent any poems or stories for the magazine.
It's not that I don't like you ... I just don't want to get fooled
around with. That's all!

With respect,

Margory.