Granma George and the crocodile

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Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 2:01 pm

I think this has finally just fizzled out. It wasnt my first bait but a silly little one alongside my first that just ran as I poked my lad with a stick so I thought it would do as my first published work.

Here goes...standard letter:

Quote:

On 03/08/05, umar ahmend <[email protected]> wrote:
> Metropolitan Bank Zimbabwe Limited
> 7th Floor Metropolitan House
> 3 Central Avenue Harare, ZIMBABWE
>
>
> Dear Sir,
>
> RE: REQUEST FOR JOINT PARTNERSHIP.
>
> How are you today, I know that this mail may come to you as a surprise
> regarding to this business am about introducing to you. Please if you
> would not want to partake in this deal, my plead is to keep this to
> yourself.
>
> Firstly, I must to introduce my self properly to you, am MR umar
> ahmend,Director AGM FINANCE, Metropolitan Bank Zimbabwe Limited.
>
> RE: PREPOSITION:
>
> After the last general elections in my country where the incumbent PRESIDENT
> MR.ROBERT MUGABE won the presidential election, the government has adopted a
> very aggressive land reforms programmed. This program is solely aimed at
> taking the land owned by white African farmers for redistribution to black
> Africans. This program has attracted worldwide condemnation from world
> leaders including British Prime Minister, Mr. Tony Blair; this has forced
> several white farmers to flee the country for fear of victimization and
> physical abuse.
>
> MR. EDWARD COLEMAN, A farm owner The Director,NPK FARMS LIMETED, is one
> ofour customer, He deposited the sum of FIVE MILLION DOLLARS ONLY, (USD $5M)
> in his personal account With Metropolitan Bank Zimbabwe Limited, he died in
> an attack by looters of black protesters and in the process burnt down his
> farm, whole building and document's where burnt. Fortunately, they did not
> get access to the huge funds kept in the bank His Company's account
> wasclosed by his black wife. Unknownto her, she knows nothing about his
> personal account and the money has been in the Bank expecting to be claim by
> his relatives. MR EDWARD COLEMAN is not from ZIMBABWE by birth, he
> nationalized in ZIMBABWE in the year 1972.
>
> My purpose of contacting you is to seek for your assistance to transfer this
> money back to ABROAD for investment. All vital documents regarding to the
> DEPOSIT of this money are here in my position, which will be use to
> normalize and have you stand as the REPRESENTATIVE for the money to be
> transfer to your account. Subsequent to this, you will have 30% of the
> total sum for your kind assistance. 70% for me for my investment in your
> country as the initiator.
>
> Furthermore, be full assured that this transaction is 100% risk free, Have
> no fear in you as every vital Documents to back up your claim has been
> perfectly worked out.
>
> Finally, if you are willing to assist me, respond immediately as the bank is
> about closing his Account, writing off the fund as bad debt.
>
> Expecting your immediate response.
>
> Best Regards,
> MR.umar ahmend ,
> Director.AGM FINANCE Metropolitan Bank Zimbabwe Limited.

SO, standard reply:

Quote:

Mr Ahmend,

This sounds interesting. Tell me more!

Olly Smith

I get this back, what a mess, at least 3 different fonts, chopped from god knows how many scripts:

Quote:

Metropolitan Bank Zimbabwe Limited
7th Floor Metropolitan House
3 Central Avenue Harare, ZIMBABWE

Dear ,
I got your email ,firstly,My name isumar ahmend and my good friend i will like

you to help the needy in your country if this money pay into your account reply

1) Your Full name and contact address
2) Your age and marital status
3) Occupation and position in your worked place.
4) Your Drivers Licence OR International passport as identification ,send to me as email attachement.
.
5) Bank Accounts informations were this funds will be transfer to.

With this information we can proceed further and i can be able to tell you what next to do ,how to contact my bank for approval of the funds in your name as the beneficairy of the funds.

I will be expecting to receive an urgent response from you. have a nice day.

Sincerely Yours,
mr uamr ahmend,

So...

Quote:

Umar,

Why do you need to know my marital status?

Olly

Quote:

Metropolitan Bank Zimbabwe Limited
7th Floor Metropolitan House
3 Central Avenue Harare, ZIMBABWE

Olly Smith
my good friend i did not know if you are interested in this transaction if your are send the datails for me so will can do this b/ness,
Best Regards,
MR.umar ahmend ,
Director.AGM FINANCE Metropolitan Bank Zimbabwe Limited

Quote:

Umar,

I am interested, what do you need?

Olly

Quote:

Metropolitan Bank Zimbabwe Limited
7th Floor Metropolitan House
3 Central Avenue Harare, ZIMBABWE

Olly Smith
a good day to you my good friend how is life hope all is fine as you said my friend for us not to delay this transaction send this datalis to me. and were are from my good friend,

1) Occupation and position in your working place.
2) Your Drivers Licence OR International passport as identification ,send to me as email attachement.
.
3) Bank Accounts informations were this funds will be transfer to.

Best Regards
MR.umar ahmend ,
Director.AGM FINANCE Metropolitan Bank Zimbabwe Limited,

Well, seeing as he asked so nicely......... and of course I enclosed the obligatory 2mb zipped file for him!

Quote:

Umar,

No problem. I am from Australia. This should be what you need.

Name: Oliver Smith
Occupation: Crocodile Tamer
Position: Behind a chair
Bank Account: Ben Dover & Tekkit Banking Co. Pty
Sort Code: 92-39-48
Account Number: 29982390

When will I have the money?

Best regards,
Oliver

this guys is just so intelligent and his use of the english language and grammar is inspiring:

Quote:

smith

a good day to you mr smith hope all is well how is yoy family and your work i think everything is ok my good friend will are going for african banking meeting in togo from there will go to nigeria and i will like you to send you pix to me so i can sec the person which iam doing b/ness with i like you do everything to make sure this money will come in to your account i will spent 2day in togo and 4day in nigeria by monday next week i will be in nigeia for african banking meeting for development of banks in african and sub religion hopl you will help the needs in your country and other people all so , reply and have a nice day ,

Best Regards
MR.umar ahmend ,
Director.AGM FINANCE Metropolitan Bank Zimbabwe Limited,

Sooo, time for a little slap

Quote:

Umar,

How dare you address me as smith!! In my country this is an insult of
the gravest manner. You did not even have the good grace to capitalise
my surname...what a cad you are! I am really not sure whether I should
do business with someone who does not even know how to address me
properly! If you continue like this I will send one of my crocs over
there to eat you! As you haev no idea how to address me I want you to
refer to me as Croc Daddy from now on!! Until you are competent at
this I will go no further with you!

Croc Daddy

Well it looks like he just totally ignored that....

Quote:

smith

hope all is well with you i thank god for that dear mr smith how is your work and you family hope they ok i will like you send you pix to me so i can sec the person which iam doing b/ness with my good friend i will be in togo lome this week so iam going for afircan banking meeting and sub african banking and relgion menting and by next week i will be in nigerian for another meeting and will stay 4days in nigeria them togo 2day and remenber to help the needs in your conutry and all so other people how is thing there this meeting will meet the manager african development bank to look into this tranfer of this money in your pesonanl account and hope you will send the pix this week and have a nice day and god bless you amen .

nb

my good friend if will wnat to open a company in your country what can it take tell me .

but why send it to me twice? Looks like some one has a twitchy trigger finger!! And then this....

Quote:

DEAR

what do you think will are doing if you did not want it you can go my friend send the pix for me what is your problem .

your good friend

umar ahmend

OK, Ill see your slap and raise with another slap of my own

Quote:

Umar,

Never ever refer to me in this manner. This is most insulting. I have
no problem in providing whatever you need as long as you refer to me
by my correct title of Croc Daddy. If you can do this then do it and I
will provide all you need!

Croc Daddy

Ahhhh thats better.. falls nicely into line:

Quote:

Croc Daddy
how are you today hope all is fine my good friend iam in togo loma now how is your family and your b/ness hope your okey send your pic to me and will finish everything this week in togo in nigeria will them pay in the money in your account by next week and remenber to help the needy in country if this money pays into your account .
heve a nice day and god bless you amen
umar ahmend

So now Im a happy croc farmer and its time to ask for MY picture Twisted Evil

:

Quote:

Umar,

My friend. It is very good to see that you address me correctly. I
have now enclosed the picture you need. I do of course recognise that
you need this to see who you are doing business with. I also see that
I will obviously need the same from you as I need to see who I am
doing business with too! However, I think you need to send me a
picture that I KNOW must be you. The only way we can do this securely
is if you are holding something I asked of you, that way I KNOW it is
you. Please send me a picture with a crocodile on your head. This of
course doesnt have to be a real crocodile, although that would of
course be very good, but any representation of a crocodile such as a
toy crocodile. If you take a picture with this on your head then I
KNOW it is you of course!

Croc Daddy

And heres my pic: http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b380/Skweeezy1/Olly-holding-croc.jpg

Ill post more up as soon as I get the chance...unless you ask me nicely not to bother Wink

Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 8:07 am

Well, he obviously doesnt want to give me my choice of pic:

Quote:

CRO DADDY
HOW ARE YOU TODAY HOPE ALL IS WELL MY GOOD FRIEND I WILL SEND MY PIC TO YOU BUT YOU CAN TELL ME HOW I WILL BE IN MY PIX YOU DID NOT HAVE ANY RIGHT TO SAY THAT MY GOOD FRIEND I WILL DO THAT BY MONDAY B/C IAM IN A MEETING AS I TOLD YOU SO NEXT WEEK I WILL DO THAT HOPE ALL IS WELL WITH YOUR FAMILY AND YOUR WORK MY REGARTS TO YOUR FRENDS AND GOD BLESS YOU AMEN
YOUR FRIEND UMAR AHMEND

So a little explanation/slapette

Quote:

Granma,

I am Croc Daddy, not Cro!! I tell you how to be in the picture so that
I know that it is you. If you do what I ask then I know it cant be
anyone else dont I? Otherwisde if you just send me a picture it could
be anyone couldnt it? Send me the picture as I asked and we can move
ahead very quickly as everything is ready here for business. If you
cant do this granma then what am I to do? I cant do business with
someone that I am not sure about!!

Olly

So then I get a picture from some guy called George Mayor???

Quote:

Note: forwarded message attached.
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
http://mail.yahoo.com

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: george mayor <[email protected]>
To: mayor george <[email protected]>
Date: Mon, 15 Aug 2005 04:46:28 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Pix

This, apparently, is Umar: http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b380/Skweeezy1/mayor.jpg

riiiight!!

And then Umar sends me the picture:

Quote:

Note: forwarded message attached.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Start your day with Yahoo! - make it your home page

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: george mayor <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Date: Mon, 15 Aug 2005 04:51:51 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Fwd: Pix

Note: forwarded message attached.

He doesnt even hide the fact that the picture is forwarded by george Mayor!!

Posted: Sat Oct 22, 2005 8:37 pm

Oh mannn...He deserves a hard slap for that stupid mistake Twisted Evil

Posted: Tue Oct 25, 2005 12:06 pm

Well if George wants to get involved:

Quote:

George Mayor?

Who the fuck are you? Why are you involving yourself in my dealings
with Umar? I dont want your fucking picture!

And might as well send one to Umar while Im at it!!

Quote:

Granma,

What the fuck is going on here? Who the fuck is George Mayor? And why
are you sending me his picture? I wanted a picture of you like you
said, like you wanted of me and this is what you send me? I cannot
believe how fucking stupid you are or do you think I am? You are
sending me someone elses picture and saying it is you arent you?
Explain this granma or we wont be going any further with this deal!!!
This is exactly why you need to send me the picture as I asked, so
that I can know it is you! You need to send me the picture of you with
the crocodile on your head if I am to know it is truly you!!!
Especially now!!! If you cannot do this simple thing then you are not
a serious businessman at all you are just trying to trick me!! Until I
get my proof that it is you we will go no further!! Explain yourself
fool!!!

Olly

Well, Umar obviously wants to just plough on:

Quote:

Croc Daddy

my good friend i will send my pix to you today but how can tell me how i will be in my pix b/c of what did i tell you are be went you sent me your to me ,how is things today hope all is well, will are doing frist meeting with african development banking today , so my good friend hope all is well with you and your work and your family after the meeting i will reply to you,

your uamr ahmend

oops, must have forgotten to mention:

Quote:

Croc Daddy,
how is today hope you have sec my pix reply so will are doing everything to make sure the money pays into you account by wednesday reply and have a nice day
umar ahemnd

Then, next day:

Quote:

croc daddy

iam not interseted again my good friend i have goting another person from swiss which i will do the b/ness with that is my pic if did not beileve it you can go ifyou want to do this b/ness with me reply or if can countiue go my goog friend

your umar ahmend

This is just turning into a slapfest!!!

Quote:

Granma,

Do you think I am stupid? Well I am not! That is not your picture. It
was forwarded by somebody else to you and you then forwarded it to
me!! You are either very very stupid or you are trying to pull a
scam!!! I was willing to believe that you are stupid and give you the
chance to earn my trust by sending what I need. If you are ready to
admit you are just stupid then fine, send me the security picture to
prove everything, if not then you are just trying to scam me and you
can take a long run off a short pier ok? I am a trusting person but
not totally stupid so its either my way or the heighway!!

Croc Daddy

Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2005 11:41 am

OK, so...... Umar obviously thinks wait a day and then point out how old he is...that will sort everything!!

Quote:

croc daddy
how are you today my good friend do you know my age now iam 68 age now my good friend if want do it again with me reply or if did not want go my friend stop saying such words to me my friend iam not begging you
your umar ahmend

on second thoughts, lets send a load of gibberish.....

Quote:

croc daddy
my good friend if you did not truth me you will never thruth anyhuman being on earth reply lets do it together ,will want to pay in the money in your account today but your reply is very bad
your umar ahmend

at this point I got a bit bored and a little tied up with other baits so I left it nearly a week:

Quote:

Granma,

What does that mean? I dont understand a word! Where is my money?

Croc Daddy

Umar was straight onto that one, got a mail back same day...is he a bit miffed?

Quote:

CROC DADDY
A GOOD DAY TOU YOU KEEP ME IN NIGERIA B/C OF YOU I HAVE BE IN NIGERIA FOR MORE THEM A WEEK NOW IF WANT US TO DO THIS B/NESS COOL THEM IAM IN NIGERIA B/C OF YOU HOW IS YOUR FAMILY AND YOUR WORK
YOUR GOOD FRIEND
UAMR AHMEND

after a nice rest from Umar, Croc is a happy chappy and decides to be mr nice guy:

Quote:

Granma,

Everything here is going great cobber! How is Nigeria, do you like
Nigeria? I think you must do if you have been there so long! What is
the best thing about Nigeria for you granma? Do they have crocodiles
in Nigeria? I think they have crocodiles all over Africa dont they?
Thats what is so great about Africa...crocodiles everywhere! Go ahead
and send me the money, I cant wait!

Croc Daddy

well that got Umar all excited...he could hardly contain himself in his next email...and what is cleartification anyway?

Quote:

croc daddy

how are you i got your email and i have contact my bank to pay in the money in you account and should pay for one certificate that will show that the money have pay into your account and pay this money so the money will clear and it will pay into your account from my bank so pay for cleartification fee of 7,000 us dollars pay it now so the money will pay into you account pay it througt western union money to be collected in nigeria

pay it throungt a work

recvicer name igbokwe george onyebuchi

sender name, that is your name which you use in pay the money

control number ,

question, matter

answer, business

the city which you stay in pay the money

to be collected in nigeria do that now so the money will clear in bank

your umar ahmend

Posted: Mon Oct 31, 2005 8:55 am

George raises his ugly head again so I think it is time to ask who he is:

Quote:

Granma,

Who is this igbokwe george onyebuchi? This is the same person that
sent me the picture that you swore was you? That also forwarded it to
you before sent it to me? Are you really george? Are you not granma
liek you keep telling me but in fact you are george? I think you
really need to explain this to me george, ok?

Croc Daddy

but Umar just wants to ignore this and plough on:

Quote:

croc daddy

if want us to do this b/ness pay this money my friend pay it now so will can countiue with this b/ness

your umar ahmend

Well, OK, I can do that too then. Lets just presume you are George and change names again:

Quote:

Hi George,

How are you today? I have the cash ready to pay but my local store
tells me we dont have Western Union here, apparently it is an American
thing? I live out in the bush I'm afraid on my croc farm. Did you know
crocodiles really do cry crocodile tears? They told me moneygram is
very similar though and they do that. Would that be ok? When is your
birthday george? Let me know.

Croc Daddy

Doesnt phase him at all:

Quote:

croc daddy
pay it througt money gram pay it with the name i gave to you pay so the money will clear here , make sure you do this and have a nice day

Fine, lets bring "that" picture up again:

Quote:

George,

No problem, all I need is for you to send me that security picture we
discussed and I will go and transfer the money for you immediately. To
be honest, I need to get it out of the house as I dont think it is
safe to keep this much here!

Croc Daddy

Ooooh its like poking needles into him Twisted Evil

:

Quote:

croc daddy

iam above this kind of thing maybe you are not intreseted in this b/ness again if want us to contiue send this money my good friend i have sent my pic to you what again my friend pay this money if can go my good friend i have other thing iam doing here iam here for african development bank meeting pay in the money to collected in nigeria

your good friend

umar ahmend

He really doesnt like the idea of this picture I keep asking him for, so I let it go again:

Quote:

George,

What is your problem? Its just a photo, the camera wont "steal your
soul" you know! Cant you guys do anything right over there? Jeez, ok
if its such a big problem forget it for now!!! I have been to
moneygram to make your transfer and they need you to complete this
security form for them as all money wired out of the country is now
subject to stringent checks.

Croc

I enclose the moneygram security qustionnaire I got from this site....thank you Smile

but he just doesnt seem to get it:

Quote:

croc daddy
pay the money with the name which i gave to you go and pay if they think tell them you are sent your friend in nigeria the money forget everyother thing go and pay now
your good friend
umar ahmend

soooo, slappy time:

Quote:

George,

Are you nuts? Did you not listen to me? I went to the moneygram office
and they gave me that form for you to complete!! If the form is not
completed, no money!! Easy simple, form = money, no form = no money,
george = dumbass. Come on, get it together mate! Send me the form over
and you get the fees, its simple! Just get a move on George cos I want
my money ok?

Croc Daddy

and he gets straight back to me.....and what do you know....

Quote:

croc daddy

the for will send to this week have a nice day my friend

your umar ahmend

Posted: Mon Oct 31, 2005 9:26 am

Nice One mate... All Steve Irwin... great.

My personal favourite:

Quote:

If the form is not
completed, no money!! Easy simple, form = money, no form = no money,
george = dumbass.

NN

Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 3:40 pm

Ah well, I should have known it was too good to be true. The very same day I get another email:

Quote:

Attn Mr Man,

Good day ,i am not ain position to fill in the papers,if you want to have your funds transfered to your bank account ,go ahead and send the money with my secretary name below :

Name Mr.Godspower nwachukwu
Residential address : #22 wuse road wuse zone 2 Abuja Nigeria.
Born in Lagos state Nigeria.
Born 1969 36yrs.

If actually you want us to proceed in this transaction ,go ahead and send the money. If there is any other space required ,fill the space yourself and send the money. If you cannot fill in the space as my partner ,then we cannot work together as partner.

Thank you for now.
George.

So now I'm a Mr Man? Laughing

And he just slips nicely into being George now...no more Umar. Normally I wouldnt reply for a day or two but this peeved me a bit after telling me he would complete my forms so:

Quote:

George,

What is this? You already told me you will sort the forms out this
week? Man, cant you write or something? Look, foget it, you obviously
arent capable of pulling off a big deal like this if you cant eve
ncomplete the necessary paperwork for christs sake. I thought you said
you were 68 George not 8!!!! Look at the forms, the recipient of the
money has to fill them in not the sender!! It really is as simple as I
told you George no forms=no money so get it done! ANd I told you, only
refer to me as Croc Daddy!!!

Croc Daddy

So the next day I get this:

Quote:

Dear Croc Daddy as you said,

Good day to you ,look this transaction is not a child's play ,you must have to work to my instructions ok ,if you need the informations from me ,tell me ,i will provide all for you. Stop argueing with me. I am a bank manger with years of banking experience ,if you must have to work with me ,you must have to work to my instructions ok. Fill the form with the name i gave you yesterday and send the payment informations to me. If you cannot do it forget about it.

Thank You,
George.

Ooooh bitchy....well time to bring up the name change then....

Quote:

George,

Why has the name changed? I thought the money had to be wired to you?
Why are you now involving another person? This is a very strange deal
George? I am now beginning to lose all trust in you. You say you are a
bank manager but you have no idea how to conduct business, you cant
grasp paperwork and you constantly change details! I have a large sum
of cash sat waiting to be transferred and you are just messing
everything up. I dont have time to argue with you, if you cant do this
simple thing then forget it!

Croc Daddy

Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 9:21 am

Well, George seems to be pretty good at just ignoring difficult questions. He doesnt reply for 5 days and then:

Quote:

Dear Olly Smith,

Good day to you, I am making arrangemet to move those funds to our corresponding bank in London (Barclays Bank London). Please before i proceed with the arrangements,i will like you to send to me your personal informations such as; Please if you really want to work with me ,send those informations to encourage my trust with you.

Your identification such as your drivers license or international passport as email attachement.
Your direct mobile phone number for urgent communications.

With this informations ,i will make arrangement to move the funds to our corresponding bank in London for you to contact them.

I ma waiting to hear from you soon.

Regards,
George.

And he has abandoned my nickname so:

Quote:

Granma,

If you are going to contact me, please only address me by my correct
title!!! If you do that I will sort everything out for you, if you
cannot even do that simple thing then no dice!

Croc Daddy

Another five days go by...I think George is tiring of my silly games....or maybe he is just stuck in bank meetings eh? SO time to poke him with a stick:

Quote:

George,

What is going on? Where is my money?

Croc Daddy

Another week goes by and I have forgotten all about George when I see one of his mails while baiting someone else, so I think, why not poke him again and se if he jumps?

Quote:

George,

Now your fucking me about, whats going on man?

Croc

And what do you know......

Quote:

Mr.Croc,

I decided not to reply your emails.Please send to me your personal identification either your international passport or drivers license. I am making alternative arrangement to have the funds transfer to you without delay ,i will carry on with this arrangement if you send your identification to me. I am not in position to fill any form.

Thank you,
George.

So maybe I should be nice again:

Quote:

Granma,

Thats no problem mate. Why didnt you just say. I will send a copy of
my passport for you. I dont know why you dont just tell me these
things instead of getting all upset about it mate. All I ask in return
is that you refer to me as Croc Daddy! Are you still in Nigeria
Granma? So when will I get the money now?

Croc Daddy

I also enclose the picture of the front of a USA passport that I got from the nice people here, thank you again Very Happy

After all, why should it matter that I have been saying I am Australian from the start....will he even notice?

Quote:

Dear Croc Daddy As you requested,

Firstly i do not no the meaning of this name.

Secondly ,i will not accept a back copy of your passport photograp ,send to me front two pages of your passport photograph. Please Mr.Croc Daddy ,if you are willing to work work with me in this transaction ,you must have to work to my instructions.

As soon as i recieve the front two pages of your passport photograph ,i will give you the contact information of the director who is incharge of this transaction for you to contact him. After which you will be dealing with him directly till the funds is transfer to your bank account. Infact no need of delaying the transaction any more,have the DIRECTORS direct contact email address and telephone number below:

Name: Dr.Kenneth Brown
Director/The Manager Foreign Payment Dept. Central Bank Of Nigeria
Direct Email Address :[email protected]
Telephone Number :+(234) 80-38907584.

Contact him ,he is in position to handle your transfer with the apex bank ,the funds is already deposited in the apex bank(central Bank) for onward transfer to your bank account in Australia.

Good day and God Bless you,
Regards,
George.

Ever get the feeling someone cant wait to get you off his back? lol Laughing

So no more need to be nice:

Quote:

Granma,

No problem at all. Why didnt you just do this in the first place and
then I could have dealt with the organ grinder from the start cobber!!
Perhaps he will have more idea of how to conduct business!

Croc Daddy

Quote:

Dear Croc Daddy,

He is a top man in the apex bank ,please work to his instructions to avoid questioning.

Always update me as soon as you proceed with him.I am still waiting for your passport Copy.Front Two pages.

Regards,
George.

Hmmm still waiting for the passport are you...its going to be a long wait Twisted Evil

Quote:

Granma,

Why do I need to avoid questioning? Is there something going on here
that is not right?

Croc

So time to bring in his next character:

Quote:

Kenny,

Granma Thebender asked me to get in touch with you regarding the
transfer of the money from your Apex bank. Can you please try and get
on with this as granma has been messing around for way too long now!

Croc Daddy

And Kenny gets right back to me:

Quote:

Attn: Mr,

This bank cannot understand were you are coming from. Please no body answers Granma Thebender this name in banking industry in Nigeria.

Please send to us your personal informations such as:
1) Your correct name and contact address
2) Age and marital Status
3) Occupation and position in your work place
4) Identifications,your passport picture
5) Bank account informations were the funds will be transfer
6) How much you are expecting from this bank.

With this informations,we can commence work on your request.

Faithfully Yours,
Dr.Kenneth Brown.

Maybe I need to clear this up for him:

Quote:

Kenny,

Sorry, that should have been Umar Ahmend. Granma is my pet name for
him, we are such good friends you know!

Croc

Great, Kenny can fall straight into script:

Quote:

Attn: Mr,

Ok,go ahead and provide all these informations below.

Please send to us your personal informations such as:
1) Your correct name and contact address
2) Age and marital Status
3) Occupation and position in your work place
4) Identifications,your passport picture
5) Bank account informations were the funds will be transfer
6) How much you are expecting from this bank.

With this informations,we can commence work on your request.

Faithfully Yours,
Dr.Kenneth Brown.

But why make things easy eh?

Quote:

Kenneth,

I have already done this once for Mr Ahmend, why do I have to do it
over again for you cobber? Cant you just ask Mr Ahmend for the
information to save time? I have to go fix the barbie up and pick up
some tinnies now, Ive got some Sheilas comin round!

Croc

While Im at it, I might as well express my worries to George:

Quote:

George,

What is wrong with this banker? He doesnt seem to know who you are? Why is that?

Croc

No reply, 3 days go by, George is obviously tied up in his cleartification meetings again, so one more prod:

Quote:

Granma,

I am ready to send your colleague his information but I am slightly
worried that he does not seem to know you mate? Why is this? Please
set my mind to rest and I can then go ahead!

Croc

So George sets my mind to rest:

Quote:

Drae Croc,

The man (Mr.Kenneth Brown) know's me now ,go ahead and send him the informations.

Regards,
Ahmend

Quote:

Granma,

OK I will get it all together for him. Did he not know you before?
Have you just had to introduce yourself? Why didnt he know you before?
If he knows you now cant he get the information off you?

Croc

Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2005 10:24 am

I think I got some of these mixed up as things got a little confusing but never mind:

Quote:

Attn: Mr.Croc,

I am directed to handle your transfer ,please send those informations to me or stop contacting me. I have not no you very well. I need to know you direct not from any body.

When i recieve the informations ,i can be able to write you again.

Thank You,
Kenneth Brown.

Quote:

Kenny,

The information is not a problem but what is a problem is that you
seem to not be aware of Mr Ahmend? I was under the impression that Mr
Ahmend was a colleague of yours within the banking industry in Africa?
If you do not know him and you cannot be in contact with him this
makes me very nervous. Are you who you say you are at all? I think I
might have to speak to my friend George about this as it was him who
asked me to contact you and yet you do not seem to know him. Are you
trying to pull some sort of scam?

Croc

OK so then we cleared up the not knowing Umar bit as above and then....

Quote:

Kenny,

Granma has assured me that he knows you. Im sorry I didnt get this to
you earlier but I have been away on holiday. I went to Mauritius. It
was beautiful and really relaxing, do you know it? Only drawback, no
crocodiles!! Anyway, here you are:

Name: Oliver Smith
Occupation: Crocodile Tamer
Position: Behind a chair
Bank Account: Ben Dover & Tekkit Banking Co. Pty
Sort Code: 92-39-48
Account Number: 29982390

I am expecting $2.5 million. When will I get it?

Croc

$2.5 million? OK OK so thats a lie but hey...they are doing it!!!
Well now I am a valued customer Smile

:

Quote:

Valued Customer.
Mr.Oliver Smith,

Send to us your identifications such as your international passport or drivers license before we can proceed transaction with you. Send also your direct mobile telephone number incase of emergency.

Without these things being complete we cannot have any transaction with you.

Listen,you must have to be serious over this transaction or your funds will be diverted to the suspence account as government funds.

Yours faithfully,
Mr.Kenneth Brown.

but I have to be serious about this, better stop messing about huh? Wink

Quote:

Kenny,

No problem at all. I am serious about this, of course I am mate. My
number is 206-666-6243. Any time you want to talk to me just give me a
call. I have also attached my documents for you. Do me a favour though
Kenny, I like to be called Croc so can you strick to this for me?

Thanks,
Croc

Of course I send him a nice big rar file that will ask for files to compress when he opens it! Laughing

Quote:

Att: Oliver Smith,

Resend your identifications ,i find it very difficult to open it.

Before we proceed ,i must see whom you are.

Kenneth

Oh no...really?? Twisted Evil

Maybe its time to bring up MY picture again:

Quote:

Kenny,

Maybe you cant open that type of file. I have enclosed a standard jpg
file for you. I understand what you are saying entirely about seeing
who I am. In fact I totally agree with you and think I should probably
see who you are too. As you say yourself this is important.
However, the only way I can know that a picture is truly you I guess
is by getting a picture with something only we would know I had asked.
Please send me a picture of yourself holding a crocodile of some sort
and then I will be sure it is you.

Croc

And I enclosed a nice big jpg for him!
Oops he didnt like my request:

Quote:

Att: Oliver Smith,

You are very stupid for telling me that nonsence. Do you think you are dealing with a fool or a small boy ,look i am only here to help you and you must have to work to my instructions.I have been in banking profession over 10 yrs plus.

Look if you are not willing to work with this bank. We can stop so far.

Mr.Kenneth.

No need t oslap quite yet, might as well just be matter of fact about this:

Quote:

Kenny,

I am trying to work with you here, you seem to be the one making
things difficult. How long you have been in the banking profession is
not in question here mate, I am very happy for you. I am only asking
of you the same as you are asking of me, a picture!! Why do you think
you would need a picture but I wouldnt? You just send me your picture
over and we can get this transfer done. If it isnt important then I
guess you didnt need mine either!

Croc Daddy

lol he really doesnt like this:

Quote:

Nonsence.

If you need your transfer to be effected contact us with your identifications ,if not possible ,do not contact us again.

Kenneth Brown

OK, time for a slapette:

Quote:

Kenny,

For a supposedly educated man your spelling is atrocious!! I think
maybe I need to see your qualifications as I think you are probably
lying to me and you are no banker at all but maybe the cleaning boy
who has stumbled upon the bank managers machine still logged into his
mail and you are playing stupid games with me. After all, you cant
spell, your grammar is awful, you cant open simple files, what can you
do? You are a foolish small boy that steals from his grandparent if
given the chance, so certainly not trustworthy! If you cannot send me
your identification and make this transfer like a man then do not
taunt me with your gay language.

Croc

Well that seems to have done for Kenny, three days go by, no reply....So maybe its time to poke George again....

Quote:

George,

This kenneth brown is making a complete mess of this deal. He seems
more intent on exchanging insults than completing business. Do you
know anyone else at the bank that might be more help?

Croc

Nope, George no longer wants to play....a week goes by...nothing...oh one last poke then Very Happy

Quote:

George,

Let me know what is happening with my money please?

Croc

And t odate I have had absolutely nothing back, I think they have given up on me!! Should I have another poke? It has been nearly a month after all!!

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