I tell Alex Ben to get bent

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Posted: Mon Oct 31, 2005 10:08 pm

Before I dash off home to greet the little spooks and sneak some of the trick or treat candy, a small treat for you. Not much of one, mind, but a small one.

Alex Ben. It was a bait like no other. It started off with a bang. I sent a unique, creative, woweriffic opening letter�

Okay, no I didn�t. I probably sent a one-liner, and I�ve deleted it now, so I have no idea what I wrote.

Anywho, I�m sure I wrote him, because he wrote me back.

Quote:

I received your mail thanks for your response. I want to believe that I could trust you with this money to be able to do the will of God and also my wish. If you go through the first mail I sent to you, you&#8217ll find out that I&#8217ve been betrayed by my friends and even my family which I&#8217ll not want this to happen again. I have a few days more to live; with my present condition right now, so anything we are doing we would have to be fast about it. I need you to send the following information to me.

1,Full name

2,Occupation

3,Contact address

4,Telephone/fax number

5,Country

6,Religion

7,Age

As soon as I receive all this details I&#8217ll let you know the next step to follow.
I need your reply immediately because time is not on my side at all again.

Best regards

Alex Ben

Yes, his encoding really is that messed up.

I give him a reply, probably not what he was looking for.

Quote:

>I received your mail thanks for your response. I want to believe that I could trust >you with this money to be able to do the will of God and also my wish. If you go >through the first mail I sent to you, you&#8217ll find out that I&#8217ve been betrayed >by my friends and even my family which I&#8217ll not want this to happen again. I >have a few days more to live; with my present condition right now, so anything we are >doing we would have to be fast about it. I need you to send the following information to >me.

>1,Full name

Trina Perkins

>2,Occupation

Irrelevant.

>3,Contact address

*safe mailing address removed*

>4,Telephone/fax number

I don't have a fax. Phone is *K7 number removed*.

>5,Country

See above.

>6,Religion

Christian.

>7,Age

None of your business, really.

--
Trina Perkins

Alex doesn�t even blink.

Quote:

I receive your information; I&#8217ll get back to you soon.
Regards,
Alex Ben

His next email seems rather pointless, as well.

Quote:

How are you today? We have gotten a lawyer whose going to get the necessary document on your name as the new beneficiary of the money that I lodged in the storage firm. The lawyers has guarantee that the document would be out by this week Thursday, immediately is out I&#8217ll get back to you so I can let you know the next step to follow.
Alex Ben

So I reply with a simple

Quote:

Okay.

Trina

Yet another fairly pointless message, with screwed up encoding.

Quote:

How are you? I want to inform you that the document are ready and I&#8217ll forwarding the document to you tomorrow so will know the next step to take.
Waiting to hear from you
Alex Ben

What the heck, I go for two.

Quote:

Okay.

Trina

I�m sure you�re all totally, like, riveted by our witty banter.

Commence with sending me the amusing and colorful documents!

Quote:

How are you? Attach is the document. I&#8217ll get back to you tomorrow once I get the information of the next step to follow by the lawyer.
Best regards,

Alex Ben

Here�s a nice, chopped up document with some lovely misspellings, and the required RSOT. I ignore the faults with this document for the moment.

Instead, I leap on a fairly minor thing in the Ownership certificate.

But not before Alex impatiently emails me a second time.

Quote:

Did you receive the 2 documents I sent to you? The lawyer has notified me that the storage firm will need your presence in London; please let me know if you can be able to travel to London.

This rather peeves me, hence the picking.

Quote:

Why would they need me in London? Could you be more specific? When would I have to go? How long would I be there? Who is going to pay for the plane tickets and the hotel?

I mean, I would need time just to get the passport and make the arrangements. Traveling to London wouldn't be cheap. And I would need to take time off from work, to boot. That won't be easy at all.

And how come I can't find anything about this security company on the internet?

Trina

Ooops, more trouble in paradise that I forgot to mention in my last.

Quote:

By the way, the documents are wrong. I am NOT a Mrs. Please fix that.

Trina

And now, cue the hospital bills! (It�s a wonder lads can scam at all, they�re sick so often�)

Quote:

How are you today? I have gotten in touch with the storage firm to correct the mistake of the MRS to MR. I don&#8217t think the storage firm has a website. The firm has the corresponding bank they use in transferring money in Canada but I was notified today that I have to pay the sum of #6,800 (pounds) before they can start with the transfer process I could have paid this money but I have run short of cash due to my hospital bills and the fee I paid to the lawyer. Please if there&#8217s anyway you can help let me know so we can conclude this as soon as possible. The money that you are going to receive from the storage firm is the sum of $6.8milion USD
Best regards
Alex Ben

I am, shall we say, unsympathetic.

Quote:

On 10/17/05, alex ben <[email protected]> wrote:
>How are you today? I have gotten in touch with the storage firm to correct the mistake >of the MRS to MR.

I AM NOT A MR! I am a Ms. or a Miss. I want to see the corrected paperwork before I proceed any further.

>I don&#8217t think the storage firm has a website. The firm has the corresponding bank >they use in transferring money in Canada

I want the contact informaiton for this bank.

Ah, redoing the document. That�s what I like to hear.

Quote:

How are you? They will have to re- do the document all over again so it should be out by tomorrow. I get back to you tomorrow.
Alex Ben

He emails me back, and the one error is fixed.

Quote:

How are you today? Attach is the copy of the document. Please my friend we have to be fast in everything we are doing because I&#8217m getting weak as the day goes by.
Waiting to hear from you.
Alex Ben

In fact, he�s so anxious, he emails me again.

Quote:

How are you today? Have you receive the document I sent you? Please get back to me.
Best regards,

Alex Ben

I decide to pick on the bit that looks like a cut and past project, now.

Quote:

I got it, but there's another error on it. It says "I, Barrister Mark Konrad's" where it should say "I, Barrister Mark Konrad". Besides that, it looks like someone just cut his name out and stuck it on over the other writing!

Trina

Yes, I am such a Grammar Nazi.

He gets all panicky because he can�t understand what the problem is.

Quote:

I receive your mail but I don&#8217t seem to understand what you meant. Your name has been changed to the correct form you wanted so I don&#8217t know what else you want me to do. If you can&#8217t carry on with this anymore please let me know cause time is not on my side.
Waiting for your urgent response
Alex Ben

I helpfully reply and even put a big ole red box around the offending bit, inflate the file to twice the size it was before, and drop it on him. I�ll omit that for the published bait.

Quote:

Look at this attachment! Why does it look like a three year old has been at it with scissors!?

Answer me, young man! You just wait until your father gets home!

Alex replies, in a nutshell �Oh. Yeah. That.�

Quote:

I have seen what your complain is all about. As you could see it was just an error, if they are suppose to tamper with anything that&#8217s suppose to be your information and not the lawyers&#8217 information. This is just a little error the document has been submitted to the storage firm and they accepted it so why are you finding it difficult to accept it. Please tell me what you want me to do as you know time is not my friend any more and I don&#8217t want to die with this money still being in the storage firm without anyone receiving it.
Waiting for your urgent response
Alex Ben

I unleash the cold, hard, logical, and rational side of me that my theoretical future children will probably hate going up against when they attempt to wriggle out of something with a crap story. My mother didn�t accept any crap stories, either. She didn�t even accept good stories! Mama didn�t raise no liars.

Well, actually, come to think of it, I think everyone hates doing battle with my logical side. Luckily, my logical side is not nearly as mean with people as I allow it to be with my lads. It does come in handy sometimes with making exceedingly stupid people shut up and quit sharing the stupid, getting it all over the place and mucking up the floors, and infecting others, though. And I�m feeling in the mood to go mop up some stupid. So I dismantle young Alex. And his stupid story. Logical side turned up to barracuda mode.

Quote:

On 10/26/05, alex ben <[email protected]> wrote:
>I have seen what your complain is all about. As you could see it was just an error, if >they are suppose to tamper with anything that&#8217s suppose to be your information >and not the lawyers&#8217 information.

Why are they TAMPERING with anything? You shouldn't have to TAMPER with what is a legal document! You shred the fecking original and create a new one, you don't let your TODDLER cut and paste the original. Why are they TAMPERING with my documents and why can't they get anything right?

>This is just a little error the document has been submitted to the storage firm and they >accepted it so why are you finding it difficult to accept it.

Why am I finding it difficult to believe that a LAWYER can't even spell his own name? Why am I finding it difficult to believe that a PROFESSIONAL would actually send that ridiculous mess out the door with his name on it? Why am I finding it odd that a person who is supposedly educated TAMPERED (did not make an ERROR, but TAMPERED ) with a legal document? Gee, you tell me. I showed that to a friend of mine. They agreed that no LEGITIMATE lawyer would likely make that ERROR in the first place, and they certainly wouldn't "fix" it by apparently taking Microsoft Paint and doing a crappy chop job on what looks like a scan. Is it even a scan? Or did you make it yourself?

>Please tell me what you want me to do as you know time is not my friend any more and >I don&#8217t want to die with this money still being in the storage firm without anyone >receiving it.
>Waiting for your urgent response
>Alex Ben

Well, then go ahead and die, because I don't think there is any money in storage. That STORY is just as fake as your enormous LIE about the documents, and the documents themselves, isn't it? You're a fraud. Go away and don't bother to email me any more.

--
Trina Perkins

And like all scared, naughty little boys, he apparently did as he was told and never emailed me again. And possibly spanked himself and stood in the corner of the web caf�.

Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 2:17 am

Damn the logic. They really hate it when you dissect their emails and they have no answers.

Made me smile Mrs Bean. Nice one.

NN

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 17 Sep 2005 Posts: 10

standing ovations for another brilliant bait

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