The Green Mile! (10/10 Miracle!)

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Posted: Fri Sep 23, 2005 4:00 pm

Another unsuspecting lad gets ready for a fistful of Flynt

Quote:

Date: Thu, 8 Sep 2005 11:16:19 -0700 (PDT)
From: "john_koffi002 koffi" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
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Subject: PLEASE GET BACK TO ME-------TO Larry Flynt
To:

ATTN:Larry Flynt

I am Rev. Father John Koffi from St Marry Catholic church Asigami lome-Togo.We are hereby asking, if you know or you are one of Mr Steve K . Flynt , relatives. We comfirm his nationality and findout that he is from your country.

He work with one company in lome been the capital City of Togo and resign six months ago.He is one of the strong member in our church. On the 3th of july 2004. He , his wife and their son were involved in a car accident along nouvissi express road.

All occupants of the vehicle unfortunatly lost their lives. Since then i have made several announcements to all our churches here to locate any of his extended relatives who will come for his belongings ,this has also proved unsuccessful.

After these several unsuccessful attempts, i decided to track his last name to internet to locate any member of his family, that is how i come to contact you.

He made the deposit of USD 9.2 Million in bank here in Togo before his dead and all the documents regards to the deposit is now with us. The said bank has issued us a notece to provide the next of kin of have his account confiscated within the next twenty one official working days.Now you have to stand as the next of kin to claim your brothers money.

I promise to surport you to any lavel, hence you promise to pay your TITHE in our church here after you might have recieved the money in your account in your country.

I wait to hear from you as soon as possible.

Best regards

Father John Koffi.

Quote:

Date: Thu, 8 Sep 2005 12:02:00 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" > View Contact Details Add Mobile Alert
Subject: Re: PLEASE GET BACK TO ME-------TO Larry Flynt
To: "john_koffi002 koffi" <[email protected]>

Dearest Father John Koffee:

I was surprised to recieve your letter. Steve was my third cousin on my father's side. I haven't heard from that part of the family in years, we Flynts had pretty much written Steve off for dead after we heard about his trip to the Amazon so many years ago. I don't know how he came into that much money, since the benjamins all seemed to burn a hole in his wallet.

Despite what you wrote in your letter, Steve was not my brother. He was my third cousin on my father's side as stated before. Also, I have never heard of Saint Marry. Is she a special African saint or something? Is your country near Chad?

Respectfully,
Larry Flynt

I love it. "Can you come here to Togo so I can take you out to the middle of nowhere, beat you to death with a lead pipe, take all your money and leave you in a shallow grave?" Sure! Sign me right up!

Quote:

Date: Fri, 9 Sep 2005 05:28:28 -0700 (PDT)
From: "john_koffi002 koffi" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
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Subject: From. Father John TO Larry Flynt (URGENT PLEASE)
To:

Dear Larry Flynt,

I am very happy to hear that Mr Steve is your cousin, because it has been a difficult thing for me to locate Mr. Steve K . Flynt relatives. And i am promiseing you that not a pin will got lost from any of his belongings, also i am ready to support you in anyway until this money will reach your hand.

So what we have to do now is to join our hands together and see that the money will be out immedaitely before the bank confiscated his account, as they has issued me a notice to provide any of Mr Steve K . Flynt relative to stand as the next of kin within the next twenty one official working days.

Please know that St Marry Catholic church is in the country called Togo, Lome is the capital city of Togo. To your question, Togo is near Chad.

Please i want to know if you can be able to come here in Togo or will you give me the power to stand for you until the money will be transfer to your account, then i will come to meet you in your country?

Know that you will open a new bank account in your country where the money will be transfer to.

In a situation like this, we are not suppose to waste anytime, please reply urgent so that i will send you a letter you send to the bank and i will move to see the bank mamager for the transfering of the money immedaitely i hear from you.

I wait to hear from you as soon as possible.

Thanks and God bless .

Rev. Father john Joffi

Quote:

Date: Tue, 13 Sep 2005 04:20:27 -0700 (PDT)
From: "john_koffi002 koffi" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
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Subject: TO Larry Flynt
To:

Dear Larry Flynt

please i wait to hear from you, if you really know that Mr Steve Flynt is your cousin as you said.
But i dont know why you have not reply my mail. you are afraid? Mr Steve Flynt
did not do anything roung, as i explain to you is how it is or if you have anything which is
worring you regards to this matter then you can tell me.
I wait to hear from you as soon as possible.
Thanks
Rev. Father John.

Quote:

Date: Fri, 16 Sep 2005 08:13:20 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" View Contact Details Add Mobile Alert
Subject: Sorry for the delay!
To: "john_koffi002 koffi" <[email protected]>

Dearest John Coffee:

I must apologize in the lateness of my response to you. I should have told you that I was going to be camp counselor at Camp Beaver View for a week. Its a summer camp for boys that is run by the charitable organization called NAMBLA that I am currently Chief Financial Officer for. I am very proud of the volunteer work that I do with NAMBLA; the children may go to the camp as boys, but they retutn as men. NAMBLA likes to touch young boys, and I hope you enjoy touching young boys too. In any case, I'm done pulling deer ticks off myself and now have the time to spend on our mutually beneifical business.

Revereered Father John, I am not afraid of this business transaction at all. In fact, I went over the legalities with my financial advisor, Fred Durst, and he said that sending our information to a stranger in Togo was a risky-free enterprise. Lastly, I am pleased to hear that my late cousin did not violate any law before his death. It would have been hard for grandma Felch to know that. Grandma Felch is getting on in years, but she still has that spunky GILF quality that we all adore.

Waiting to hear from you soonest!
Larry Flynt

P.S.: Have you ever seen The Green Mile?

Quote:

Date: Sat, 17 Sep 2005 05:51:23 -0700 (PDT)
From: "john_koffi002 koffi" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
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Subject: Urgent.
To:

Dear Larry Flynt,
Take my Calvary greetings from our lord.

Thank you so much for your reply, but in everything i have to tell you that we have to fasting up in this matter as i have bring out my self to help you. And i strongle believe that you will also make me to fill happy after this transaction.

This is also to inform you that i visited the bank three days ago and I let them know that i have provide Mr Steve Flynt relative (Mr. Larry Flynt) which i also submited your name to the bank as the next of kin. The bank manager addvice that you should write application letter to the bank so that he will help us immedaitely for the transfer.

I will be there in the bank on monday, as the bank manager addvice, i am going to draft an application letter you are going to send to the bank immedaitely i hear from you.

And i want to know that WE HAVE TO GIVE 5% OF THIS MONEY TO THE BANK MANEGER AFTER YOU CONFIRM THE FUND IN YOUR ACCOUNT IN YOUR COUNTRY, FOR HIM TO HELP US IN SOMETHINGS BECAUSE THIS MONEY IS IN SUSPEND ACCOUNT. please for both of us to have full trust in each other, you have to open a new account where this money will be transfer to or you arrange ZERO account, i mean account where there is no money on it.

I wait to hear from you as soon as possible.

Thanks
Yours Sincerelly,
Rev. Father John.

Quote:

Date: Mon, 19 Sep 2005 10:56:37 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" View Contact Details Add Mobile Alert
Subject: Dearest John Coffee!
To: "john_koffi002 koffi" <[email protected]>

My dearest right reverend pastor:

I have had an initimate relationship with the banking business for years as NAMBLA's chief financial officer. Please tell me why this damn fool banking officer should be entitled to 5% of my cousin's largess? Is he expecting bribes or some such buttfuckerry? I simply won't stand for some micropenised bureaucrat standing between me and my rightful family inheritance. If it has to come to it, I know many strapping young lads down at NAMBLA who could loosen up his sphincter like an old tube sock.

In happier news, I must tell you that the other members of the Flynt family are delighted that cousin Steve left the money that he did, and we are all in universal agreement that it should go to NAMBLA to further our work with young boys. We are all also in universal agreement that as a token of the friendship between NAMBLA and your church in Toga, you should send us a picture of you and your church congregration holding aloft towards heaven a banner reading, "NAMBLA touches boys!" That would be a stirring sight for all of us.

Waiting to hear about the bank and your picture!

Larry Flynt

Quote:

Date: Mon, 19 Sep 2005 12:30:47 -0700 (PDT)
From: "john_koffi002 koffi" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
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Subject: Dearest John Coffee!
To:

Dear Larry Flynt,

Take my calvary Greetings from our lord.

I will like to take this chance to inform you that you have insulted me only becuase i contacted you for your inheritance. I dont know what you take me to be, that you have every power to tell me that i should take a picture and send it to you, my good friend i did not blem you in anyway but i ask God to forgive you.

I told you that the manager of the bank ask of 5% of the money, is not that he has taking it. he know that we are going to spend money to have documents for the transfer, maybe he think that we can not be able to provide the money that is the reason why he demanded that 5% so that he can help us for one or two things.
If you know that we can bear all the expencess that will come up to this transfer, then why are we worry.
please i will not like to recieve any type of insult from you again, if you decided to carry everything by yourself, fine, the money is for your family not mine.
Then i can stop and give you the contact of the bank so that you will continue with them. God knows that i have done what i suppose to do by contacting you.

if you want to see me and the members of the church, i think it is better you come down here as a respect. even that is what you suppose to do not to ask us to send you a picture, please i don't like that.

I said it again, do not insult me otherwise i can stop here then you will carry everything by your self.

Again i must have to inform you that you should fasting up in everything you are doing regards to this matter.

May God be with you all.

Thanks

Yours Sincerely

Rev. Father John.

Quote:

Date: Wed, 21 Sep 2005 14:32:17 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" View Contact Details Add Mobile Alert
Subject: Horrible misunderstanding!
To: "john_koffi002 koffi" <[email protected]>

Hello there, Reverend John Coffee!

I think you have totally misunderstood my statements! For that I must apologize. You see, I am the chief financial officer of a charity called NAMBLA. NAMBLA stands for the North American Man Boy Love Association. In other words, we love to touch young boys! I don't know if you have heard, but we are endorsed by singing sensation Michael Jackson who has donated quite a bit of money to our cause in the past.

The Flynt family is very passionate about our work with NAMBLA. In fact, grandma Felch, that wily old GILF, thinks that Steve would have wanted us to give his money to NAMBLA so that we could continue the work of touching young boys. This is important work, as we seek out only young boys who are vulnerable and don't talk to authority figures. We consider them to be "at-risk" until NAMBLA gets involved!

So as you can see, Steve would have wanted his money to go to the work we do at NAMBLA where it will do the most good for us. This windfall will be used for essentials like food, clothing and KY jelly. I asked for the picture to show the solidarity your church has with NAMBLA and the work that we do. I never meant to insult you, but rather to sow the bonds of friendship between your Church of St Marry and the NAMBLA charity.

Of course, it would be a pleasure to visit your church in Toga. Are there young boys who need to be touched there too? That would be super!

Respectfully,

Larry Flynt

Quote:

Date: Thu, 22 Sep 2005 02:59:18 -0700 (PDT)
From: "john_koffi002 koffi" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
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Subject: SEND THE TEST OF APPLICATION TO THE BANK.
To:

The Director Foreign Operations/Remittance Department,
INTERNATIONAL BANK OF AFRICA.LOME -TOGO.
Fax : 00228-226-3850.
EMAIL:[email protected]

Date :.....................

ATTN : Dr. LEIS BANILAR

Sir,

LETTER OF CLAIM/APPLICATION FOR TRANSFER OF U.S.D 9.2M (NINE MILLION TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND US DOLLARS)ONLY.
With referrence to the account of late Mr.Steve K.Flynt and with the account number IBTG/FLD/01-5870927 with your bank ( INTERNATIONAL BANK OF AFRICA ,LOME-TOGO).
I hereby declare that I,is the next of kin to late Mr.Steve K.Flynt , who died in car accident and wish to state that I would want the above stated amount to be transferred to my bank account, details as follows:-

Bank Name:..............................................

Bank Address:...........................................

Bank Telephone:..........................................

Bank Fax....................................................

Account Number:...........................................

Beneficiary:..............................................

I would be very happy if this fund is transferred into my above stated account. And on condition should my bank information be changed or altered without my full consent.
Thanks for your co-operation.
Yours faithfully,
Name and Signature.

Personal Tel:.........................................

Personal Fax:.........................................

Home Address:.........................................

Nationality:..........................................

Email:................................................

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Please fill this text of application and send to the Director, Foreign Operations/Remittance Department of INTERNATIONAL BANK OF AFRICA LOME TOGO with the above fax number or email.

Quote:

Date: Thu, 22 Sep 2005 03:02:03 -0700 (PDT)
From: "john_koffi002 koffi" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
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Subject: GET BACK
To:

Dear Larry Flynt ,

I forgive you becuase God forgive everybody that sin against him.
But i will like to inform you that i you to follow my instruactions so that we will succefully transfer this fund to your country first. and i still promissing you and your members that i am here to support you people until you conform this money over there.
Buy the grace of God I also promise to help you for any finacial part that will come up through this transfer.

Send this test of application to the bank, i know it will only take them some days to transfer this money, then i will arrange to meet you over there in your country.
please tell your members that i am coming face to face to see them all.

I don�t know if you will like to recieved this money cash then you will know that we are going to inform the bank and tell them that they should pay us cash in there branch in ghana because dou to the political crises here in togo you can not move out with the cash.

Ghana is a free country where we can deal with cash easyle.
I wai to hear from you.
Thanks
Father John.

Quote:

Date: Fri, 23 Sep 2005 08:41:40 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" View Contact Details Add Mobile Alert
Subject: Re: GET BACK
To: "john_koffi002 koffi" <[email protected]>

Dearest John Coffee!

Have you ever seen the Green Mile? I only ask because there was a large sweaty gentleman in that movie named John Coffee who cried a lot and bees shot out of his mouth. He also cured Forrest gump's urethra, and got sent to the electric chair for it. I must assume that you are no relation. We here at NAMBLA are eternally pleased that you support our efforts to touch young boys! My member is very excited that you might come to our country! Its also a relief that you are willing to shoulder any expenses brought up during this transaction; NAMBLA is running a little short of funds this month since our big 5th Annual Chicken Hawk Rub N' Tug bash at the beginning of the month.

Although you could send me the money in cash, I would prefer that it get desposited in my PayPal account. I wasn't aware of any political unrest in Toga. Perhaps you should consider moving to a more stable country... like Chad!

Sincerely,
Larry Flynt

Master Baiter Joined: 14 Aug 2005 Posts: 128

Haha, I'm in contact with a Prince John Koffi, abd I'm having a bit of fun hiding references to the Green Mile, which is an excellent book and movie.

419Eater is my life Joined: 12 Aug 2005 Posts: 326

Larry, your off to a awsome start as usual! best of luck with this one :]

Master Baiter Joined: 14 Aug 2005 Posts: 128

Larry Flynt wrote:

there was a large sweaty gentleman in that movie named John Coffee

"Like the drink, only not spelled the same"

Posted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 3:15 pm

The drama continues! (The phone numbers are payphones in Las Vegas, BTW) Naturally, I fuck up and send the "test of the application" to John Coffee.

Quote:

Date: Fri, 23 Sep 2005 11:45:42 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" View Contact Details Add Mobile Alert
Subject: Re: SEND THE TEST OF APPLICATION TO THE BANK.
To: "john_koffi002 koffi" <[email protected]>

Attention Les Boner:

I am this stated deceased next of kin in the document below. I would like the money. Thank you.

Larry Flynt

john_koffi002 koffi <[email protected]> wrote:
The Director Foreign Operations/Remittance Department,
INTERNATIONAL BANK OF AFRICA.LOME -TOGO.
Fax : 00228-226-3850.
EMAIL:[email protected]

Date :.....................

ATTN : Dr. LEIS BANILAR

Sir,

LETTER OF CLAIM/APPLICATION FOR TRANSFER OF U.S.D 9.2M (NINE MILLION TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND US DOLLARS)ONLY.
With referrence to the account of late Mr.Steve K.Flynt and with the account number IBTG/FLD/01-5870927 with your bank ( INTERNATIONAL BANK OF AFRICA ,LOME-TOGO).
I hereby declare that I,is the next of kin to late Mr.Steve K.Flynt , who died in car accident and wish to state that I would want the above stated amount to be transferred to my bank account, details as follows:-

Bank Name: 1st National Rimjob Savings
Bank Address 856 John Wayne Gacy Boulevard, Chingatumadre California 90210
Bank Telephone (702) 874-2310

Bank Fax none
Account Number:.....97987684.

Beneficiary:........................................me.

I would be very happy if this fund is transferred into my above stated account. And on condition should my bank information be changed or altered without my full consent.
Thanks for your co-operation.
Yours faithfully,
Name and Signature.

Personal Tel:.....(702) 309-2427
Personal Faxnone
Home Address:..914 El Chupacabra Avenue, Chingatumadre California 90210

Nationality:......Californian..

Email:..............yes.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Please fill this text of application and send to the Director, Foreign Operations/Remittance Department of INTERNATIONAL BANK OF AFRICA LOME TOGO with the above fax number or email.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Quote:

Date: Fri, 23 Sep 2005 14:03:16 -0700 (PDT)
From: "john_koffi002 koffi" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
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Subject: God will be with us
To:

Dear Larry Flynt,
Thank you for your mail .
please you send the test of application to that bank immedaitely, to be easy, you can send it through Email. I will be there in the bank by monday to hear what they will need for the transfer. after that i will get back to inform you people and we will discuss on it.
Thanks
Father John.

He's getting antsy.

Quote:

Date: Sat, 24 Sep 2005 01:00:09 -0700 (PDT)
From: "john_koffi002 koffi" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
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Subject: URGENT.
To:

Dear Larry Flynt,
Have you send the application to the bank as i instructed you? in other to be easy for you send it by email., then anything you hear from them please inform me as soon as possible so that i will know the next step to follow.
I want to hear from you.
Thanks
Father John.

Quote:

Date: Tue, 27 Sep 2005 01:18:57 -0700 (PDT)
From: "john_koffi002 koffi" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
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Subject: SEND THE TEST OF APPLICATION TO THE BANK PLEASE
To
Dear Larry Flynt
I want to remand you to send the application to the bank as i instruated, because i went to the bank yesterday and they told me that they have not yet recieve any application from the next of kin been you.

Please you should send it to the bank so that they will proceed to the transfer immediately.

I wait to hear from as soon as you send it to them.

Thank

Father John.

So I relent and forward my application to Les Boner. Let him figure it out. Besides, its high time John Coffee got off-script.

Quote:

Date: Tue, 27 Sep 2005 08:09:18 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" View Contact Details Add Mobile Alert
Subject: Re: SEND THE TEST OF APPLICATION TO THE BANK PLEASE
To: "john_koffi002 koffi" <[email protected]>

Dearest Father John:

I have resent the test of the appilcation to the bank. It was quite a test, and needless to say, I sure hope I passed with flying colors!

I must apologize for the lateness of my replies. It is with a heavy heart that I must inform you that Grandma Felch, matriarch of the Flynt family, came down with sudden illness. Late Friday night she developed unremitting priapism, and was diagnosed on Saturday with dropsy, rickets, turf toe, scurvy and the screaming shits. We are all praying for a miraculous recovery, but even more so, we are all vying to curry her favor so that we can be the beneficiaries of her estate. I just got back from two straight hours of rubbing witch hazel into her gnarled, fungus ridden feet. I wish I could take the first few layers of my own skin off, I feel so dirty. However, I will look back on this all and smile if Grandma Felch goes to her great reward and leaves me her millions. Thank God Steve isn't still around to try and outclass me in the brown-nosing department.

Because you are a reverend, could you please pray for Grandma Felch? It would mean so much to us all. Like I've said before, she may be 93, but she is still a total GILF, if you know what I mean.

Sincerely,
Larry Flynt

Posted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 2:48 pm

The Ooga-Booga Bank receives my 'test of the application!'

Quote:

From: "iba africa" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
To:
Date: Wed, 28 Sep 2005 17:57:40 +0800
Subject: WELCOME APPLICATION

INTERNATIONAL BANK OF AFRICA

LOME- TOGO.

FOREIGN OPERATION/REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT.

ATTN: LARRY FLYNT,

SIR,

WE ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECIEPT OF YOUR APPLICATION AND EVERY CONTENTS OF IT WERE WELL UNDERSTOOD.

THOUGH OUR BANK HAS BEEN WAITING TO HEAR FROM LATE MR.STEVE FLYNT NEXT OF KIN, FOR HE OR SHE TO GIVE US INTRUCTION ON WHAT TO DO REGARDS TO HIS HERRITANCE.

WE WELCOME YOUR APPLICATION AND WE ARE READY TO GIVE YOU THE BEST OF OUR SERVICE.

MEANWHILE, WAIT TO RECIEVE TRANSFER APPROVAL FROM OUR BANK AS SOON AS WE ARE CONVINCE.

THANKS

Dr. LEIS BANILAR

THE DIRECTOR .
--
_______________________________________________

No Red Seal Of Truth(tm)?? I am clearly dealing with amateurs.

Quote:

From: "iba africa" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
To:
Date: Thu, 29 Sep 2005 20:38:34 +0800
Subject: YOUR APPROVAL .

ATTN: LARRY FLYNT,

PLEASE CONFIRM TO US THAT YOU HAVE RECIEVED YOUR TRANSFER APPROVAL.

THANKS

DR. LEIS BANILAR

DIRECTOR.

Quote:

Date: Thu, 29 Sep 2005 06:42:37 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" <> View Contact Details Add Mobile Alert
Subject: Re: YOUR APPROVAL .
To: "iba africa" <[email protected]>

Dear Dr. Les Boner:

I did receive your approval for my funds of the late deceased! That is wonderful. Now we may join hands and move forward to ensure that this money is transferred to me and the NAMBLA charity.

Sincerely,
Larry Flynt

This asshole had better stop ducking the Grandma Felch issue.

Quote:

Date: Thu, 29 Sep 2005 07:39:20 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" View Contact Details Add Mobile Alert
Subject: Look at this!
To: [email protected]

Dearest Father John:

Take a look at what the bank sent me! It looks like NAMBLA will be fully funded for the next several years so that we can get back to the business of what we do best: boy touching. As a man of the cloth, I'm sure you've had the opportunity to touch boys many, many times.

Father, it saddens me to report that Grandma Felch's condition is taking a turn for the worse. Last night she developed gangrene and Kluver-Bucy syndrome. Please pray for her as I don't think she will make it much longer. If you can, it would be delightful for you to send a picture of yourself to her with a sign that says "I SUPPORT NAMBLA". That would really lift her spirits. I know you went totally apeshit the last time I asked for your picture, but let me assure you that a camera CANNOT steal your soul, despite what your African witch doctors may try to tell you. Besides, this would make a dying old woman so happy to receive such a wonderful picture from a priest. You are a Christian Scientologist priest, I hope?

Many Thanks,
Larry Flynt

P.S.: Do a Google search on Kluver-Bucy syndrome. Those are some lucky, lucky monkeys!

Master Baiter Joined: 11 Mar 2004 Posts: 207

Kluver-Bucy? Boy, I had to look that one up! Man oh man, if you could get me pictures of Grandma mounting inanimate objects, I'd sure love it. Laughing

Master Baiter Joined: 14 Aug 2005 Posts: 128

Ask him why he doesn't come over and suck the bees out of Grandma.

Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2005 10:38 pm

Uh-oh. Its high court time. Its called the 'high court' because you would have to be more baked than Peter Tosh to believe a word John Coffee says.

Quote:

Date: Thu, 29 Sep 2005 11:14:23 -0700 (PDT)
From: "john_koffi002 koffi" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
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Subject: MAY GLORRY BE TO GOD.
To:

Dear Larry Flynt,

I thank God with you as I see that bank has approve transferring of your money to you. May all thanks be to God.

I have gone through what the bank send to you and I understand that we have to get some documents from the offices they mention.

By tomorrow I will move to high court to know what those documents will cost us for we to have them. Immediately I came back I will send you a mail, to inform you what I can do.

May glory be to God.

Thanks

Yours Sincerely

Father John.

Time for a mild slap.

Quote:

Date: Thu, 29 Sep 2005 11:41:38 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" View Contact Details Add Mobile Alert
Subject: Re: MAY GLORRY BE TO GOD.
To: "john_koffi002 koffi" <[email protected]>

Father John Coffee:

Yes, glory to God and all that happy shit. But I must admit that I am really puzzled. It seems like you are ignoring the issue of Grandma Felch and her disease. I have asked you to pray for her or at least send a picture of yourself, and you ignore me. Grandma Felch isn't just another GILF for your carnal amusement, my friend. She has millions of dollars that could be used for NAMBLA to start more boy-touching prgrams with. If she dies now, she may not live long enough to keep myself or NAMBLA in her will. If that were to happen, then our dreams of penetrating young boys will die too! As a man of God, it is important that you pray for Grandma Felch as I am. The doctors seem to think that the only thing that will help her is a hot beef injection, but I place my trust in the word as given to us in Dianetics. I am praying night and day for it, and also Steve's money. Maybe if we pray enough, all our dreams can come true! Why don't you work a little of that John Coffee magic on grandma Felch?

Before my late wife Althea died in a horrible bathing-lady accident she gave me some delightful words of advice: Never play leapfrog with a unicorn. I think we both can relate to that.

Sincerely,
Larry Flynt

Asshole finally is getting the god of lads on Grandma Felch's side! Of course, we can't forget the little matter of the "fees"! I put John's best line so far in boldface for you.

Quote:

Date: Fri, 30 Sep 2005 10:34:04 -0700 (PDT)
From: "john_koffi002 koffi" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
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Subject: MAY GLORRY BE TO GOD.
To:

Dear Larry Flynt,

Greeting once again in the name of our lord.

First, I have pray for that person who is ill, I know the God I serve will heal her if she believe. I am telling you the truth she is now heal in Jesus name. NOTING IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO HER.

This is to inform you that I am just coming back from high court and offices where I supposed to get the necessary documents.

My dear, how I expected it to be is not how I see it. To get this documents is going to cost us a lot of money and to me, I don’t have even half of that money because my hope is that I will borrow money from the church to pay after. But I have look inside our puss and fined out that the church don’t even have the half of the money.

These are the cost of the certificate:

1). Inheritance Certificate---$2,870

2).Affidavit of Claim --$6,400

3). Bonafidity Certificate--$4040

4). Processing Fees--$1,550

If you add up this it will give you the total sum of $ 14,860.

Please I have to tell you the truth, there is no way I can raise this money $14, 860, but I can promise to raise half of the money to help you get the certificates.

What you have to do now is to fight and see that you raise half of the money so that we can get all the certificates immediately by next week.

I will move to look for a lawyer who is going to sign on behalf of you in the bank immediately we get the certificates.

I wait to hear from you.

Thanks

Father John.

Save money on your next gynecologist visit with John Coffee's Do-It-Yourself Pelvic Exam! Look deep inside your own puss!

Quote:

Date: Tue, 4 Oct 2005 01:09:12 -0700 (PDT)
From: "john_koffi002 koffi" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
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Subject: URGENT.
To

Dear Larry,

Please i will like to hear from you concerning the sick person.

I have declare seven days fasting and prayer for his liberation. I know God is going to do something. Tell me her present position over there so that I will know the effort I must put in my fasting .

I wait to hear from you.

Thanks

Father John.

Quote:

Date: Tue, 4 Oct 2005 15:27:35 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" View Contact Details Add Mobile Alert
Subject: Re: URGENT.
To: "john_koffi002 koffi" <[email protected]>

Dearest Father John Coffee:

Grandma Felch's condition continues to worsen. Her labial lesions grow more pussy by the day. She is running a fever, and all the physician's modalities are powerless to stop it. I have begun fasting too; it is difficult, but just look at the miraculous healing in Karen Carpenter's life from dedication to fasting! Of course, she is still too damn fat if you ask me.

It looks like NAMBLA is going to have to look deep into their puss too to raise the kind of money you were talking about in your last email. I must thank you for looking deeply into your own puss for this kind of money. I hope you at least used a clean speculum. I will continue to look into NAMBLA fundraising modalities, as well as the puss of young boys (we call them "manginas" here in America) to come up with the required funds.

Sincerely,
Larry Flynt

419Eater is my life Joined: 12 Aug 2005 Posts: 326

Larry, you are pure evil genious :]

Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 5:06 pm

I haven't heard anything back from John Coffee in days! Its time for a MIRACLE!!

Quote:

Date: Mon, 10 Oct 2005 09:04:15 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Larry Flynt" View Contact Details Add Mobile Alert
Subject: PRAISE BE TO GOD FOR THE HEALING MIRACLE!
To: [email protected]

Dearest John Coffee:

I don't know how you did it, but your fasting has caused a healing miracle for Grandma Felch! I'm sorry I haven't written to you in the longest time, but I have been watching over her like a vulture waiting to feast.

Yesterday, after all hope was gone, the doctors tried one last surgical procedure... a *DELETED* procedure! After that was done, her eyes opened up and she was back to her usual GILF self! Isn't that wonderful! And she is so excited that you and your witch doctor friends in Africa were praying and starving yourselves over her!

NAMBLA is throwing a party later to celebrate her miraculous recovery. We are going to play such traditional games as 'hide the salami' and 'smoke the baloney'. If you have never played Smoke The Baloney, John, I really reccomend that you try it. Gotta run!

Thanks again for your prayers!
Larry Flynt

Well, I've bloodied the waters. Let's see if he bites.

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