Mr. Mugu Goes to Washington

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Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 7:16 am

Okay so I found this guy in the surplus E-mail thing here. I seem to have lost the initial correspondance but it was the usual "I am interested...send more info..." "You will need to wire $5,000 via Western Union"...etc. I did get confused with another bait and told him I wanted to set up a cereal company. I was sure this could confuse him, but he never missed a beat. In any case...the bait dropped off for a little while and I had completely for gotten about him. Which brings us up to date....

Quote:

Dear Peter,

How are you today? I hope fine. Did you receive my e-mail ? kindly update me..

Warmest regards,

Greg

Quote:

Greg -

The only e-mail I have received is this current one that I am replying to. Kindly resend the previous e-mail.

Sincerely
Peter

Quote:

Dear Peter,

How are you today? I hope okay. I want to confirm if you received the information for you to send the $5,600 to me and Instead of sending the check, kindly confirm your mailing address immediately so that I can give you the name on which you will send it to London by western union to enable me receive the funds faster.

Please respond immediately so that I can give you the information of the western union.

Warmest regards,

Greg.

Quote:

Dear Mr. Greg

Thank you for getting back to me, I have been most anxious to speak with you. Please remit to me the name and other information so I can send the forms via Western Union. I will be going to the WU office tomorrow, so I hope to hear from you before that time. I look forward to concluding our arrangement in a prosperous fashion.

Sincerely,
Peter Sniffer

Quote:

Dear Peter,

Thank you for your mail. Below is the information for you to send the fees via western union:

Mr. George Gregory
London United Kingdom

Please remember to send all necessary information such as the Sender's name and Address including the Mtcn control number. Also kindly give me a number where I can reach you.

Waiting to hear from you shortly.

Warmest regards

Mr. Greg.

* I missed the little name change here. I should have caught it and slapped him, but life goes on...

Quote:

Dear Mr. Greg;

The following is the information you asked for -
The Moneygram number is 87653323
My personal telephone number is xxx-xxx-xxxx
My name is Peter **** and my address is the following:
768 Shakey Jack Lane
Booger Creek, Colorado
44786-1139

I sent it out just today, so you should have the funds shortly. Please let me know if you have any questions. I look forward to hearing from you soon, Mr. Greg! If this transaction goes smoothly, I may call upon you for future money handling situations. I am glad to have met such a steadfast individual.

Your Friend,
Peter

* Naturally, instead of WU I use Monegram, and a fake number at that

Quote:

Dear Mr. peter,

How are you today? I hope okay. I received your e-mail and the informations. I will call you on your telephone number which you provided as soon as I return from the WU. Thank you .

Warmest regards,

-Greg

Quote:

Dear Peter,

How are you today? I hope okay. On getting to the Money Gram Office yesterday, I found out they had closed. So I decided to go today and the information received was that they found no information of the transaction.

Please kindly confirm the payment made to Money Gram and if possible scan and send a copy of the payment slip to enable me collect the funds today.

Waiting to hear from you.

Mr .Greg

* Not only do I get one trip out of him, I get TWO because the office was closed! lol. Time to let him dangle for a while...

Quote:

Dear Peter,

I have tried to reach you on your direct phone number: xxxxxx, which you provided and the message I received was that your phone Company in the USA had some difficulties with their facilities and that I should try again later.

Please make sure you call the Money Gram to rectify the problem and find out if the information you sent to me is correct, as they cannot find any information on their system.

Here is my number incase you might want to reach me: +44-703-190-6155.

Waiting for your response.
Mr. Greg.

Quote:

Dear Peter,

Please I am still waiting for your response regarding to my last mail to you. Once this transaction is over, I assure you that I will do everything within my power to ensure that the cereal Company is off the ground.

Please get back to me so that I will give you an alternative process of sending the $5,200 to me. Once again my number is +447031906155.

Warmest regards,

Mr. Greg.

Quote:

Dear Mr. Greg,

I'm sorry I had not been able to respond to you. I was suddenly called away
this week on urgent business. In any event, I contacted Moneygram and was
able to delineate the source of the problem. It seems the money has been
frozen here in the States because the proper paperwork was not submitted.
Due to the new Total Ownage laws, an application for a Certificate of Total
Ownage must be filled out before any money can be sent overseas. I'm not
really sure about the details, but it seems that this is a new law enacted
by the government to keep money from getting into the hands of terrorists.
In any case, I have enclosed the paperwork. Please fill it out, scan it, and
send me a copy so that the money can be released and sent to you. This
matter is very urgent and must be done quickly, as any money that sits
frozen for more than a week is subject to government inquisition. I gaurd my
privacy zealously, Mr. Greg, and I'm sure you do as well. I do not want any
questions asked, as that will only delay our business further. I look
forward to receiving the appropriate documents from you.

Yours Truly,
Peter

*Now lets see if he buys it...

Quote:

Peter,
I acknowledge receipt of your mail and attachments. thank you so much for your effort so far. i understand that some forms are to be filled out before the $5,200 is paid to me at the money gram office here in UK. however as you know, i am a very busy person, i have spent so much time already to receive this funds already. i will advise that since this money have not left the united states, go to the money gram office and collect the money, then get back to me so that i will give you an account information so that you can pay it in or better still sent it by western union as i instructed you earlier.
finally, please let us ensure that there will be no more difficulties in sending or receiving this money again because we have waisted too much time on this already. remember that we have a transaction in process, let's act fast so enable us get to a superlative conclusion.
i hope you undertand.
warmest regards,
-Greg

Quote:

Mr. Greg,

I received your mail and the contents are well understood. The first thing I did this morning was go down to the money gram office. Unfortunately, as I suspected, the money is frozen. It can neither be sent out, nor picked up, until this form is filled out. And even if I could take it to Western Union or send it through some other means, the fact remains that with the new Total Ownage laws, forms must be filled out for any money leaving the country. Perhaps you did not understand me when I said it is a new United States LAW, not money gram office policy. I can't fill the forms out for you, otherwise I would have already done so. If you'll notice at the bottom of the form, it requires the signature of the reciever, not the sender. In other words...your signature, not mine. To fill it out for you would be fraud and I'm not going to go to jail for you. To be very frank here...I'm starting to sweat, Mr. Greg. I do not want my funds subjected to a government inquisition. If that happens, who knows how long this could take? And how dare you suggest that I am the one delaying! I sent you the forms the moment I knew that was what was required, and here you are dragging your ass and wasting even MORE time, sending me down the fucking money gram office to pick up money from a frozen account! And now, on top of everything else, I could be in hot water from the GOVERNMENT because of your incompetence! How dare you, sir! I am a very busy man myself. Do you think that I have months on end to languish in a cell or discuss with government agents why, where, when and how I handle my money!? The best we can do now is keep our heads down, give the government those forms, and hope that we will not be subject to an inquisition under the Total Ownage laws. I await your speedy response, Mr. Greg. Time is running out.

Very Truly Yours,
Peter

*He totally spazzes out...

Quote:

peter,

How much is this money and how did you come about this money? how did you find me? i need answers to this questions before filling out any forms.

You are in the United States, why is your phone not working? 1-916-440-0031. if you are a genuine person, send me your identity, a copy of your internatioal passport. call me on my phone number: +44-703-190-6155

Greg.

*And now, the epic slap...

Quote:

Greg:

I think the more appropriate question is how did YOU find ME? It was YOUR e-mail that wound up in MY inbox asking for MY help. Now you question who I am and where I got your information? Do you have some sort of mental problem, Mr. Greg? Because you seem to have had a conveniently sudden and severe memory lapse, I'll spell it out for you: I received an e-mail from you a few weeks ago, and I replied. That has led us to our current contact and situation. As to the money and how much it is...well you even refrenced that in your last e-mail. Just what the hell is your problem? Have you gone stupid on me? The sum for transfer, by the way, is $5,200. I am THREE THOUSAND TIMES the business man you are, Mr. Greg. You clearly do not have your shit together. Is this your first time doing business? Are you twelve years old? You DO seem to remember that I'm from the United States. That's very good! You ought to get an award for your cleverness. Do I need to give you my street address and personal information all over again, so we can drag this business out for another six weeks? You are the biggest dum-dum I've ever run accross. You cannot possibly be a real business professional. I bet you don't even have an office, and are working out of some public computer terminal in an internet cafe. Speaking of offices...just where is YOUR office? I thought you were fairly competent until you started pulling this Ronald Regan act. Now I'm just getting downright suspicious of you, your motives and frankly this whole deal. I have no idea why my phone isn't working properly. Perhaps you are too stupid to dial the numbers? I'll give you detailed instructions, in case you forgot how to do that too:

1. Pick up the telephone

2. Make sure you have a dial tone

3. Punch in the following digits - be careful not to do this all at once, but keep the numbers evenly spaced: 916-440-0031 - Be sure to add a COUNTRY CODE as you are dialing LONG FUCKING DISTANCE, RETARD

4. Commence telephone conversation

I'm surprised you can even send a fucking e-mail. I'd have better luck doing business with an inebriated hobo. I'm getting tired of your whining, your excuses, and your flagrant incompetence which just may land me in hot water over here. Are you some sort of schoolboy jokester who gets kicks out of wasting the valuable time of business men? I would have a very easy time believing that, "Mr. Greg". Am I a fucking genuine person!? Are *YOU* a fucking genuine person, Mr. Greg? I doubt it. If you give me your address, I'll send you a flashlight so you can find your own ass.

Goodbye,
Peter

* He doesn't contact me for a few days, so I decide to dangle a carrot.

Quote:

Dear Mr. Greg,

I have not heard from you in some time. Why are you delaying this business? Please indicate your seriousness so that we can continue. I have thought about it, and am willing to send you some money so that you can get a secretary to help you organize your life. Would $900 be enough? Please indicate your answer in your reply. I expect to hear from you soon, Mr. Greg. Remember to always be proactive in business. You cannot be successful if you sit on your ass all day long. If I do not hear from you by tomorrow, I will assume you are not a serious business man and the transaction will be over. I await your hasty response.

Cordially,
Peter

Quote:

Peter ,

I received your e-mail. You can send the $900 to London with the same name I gave to you the last time. And remember that if there are any delays, I will call off this transaction.

Thank you.

Mr. Greg

* Looks like another slap is in order

Quote:

Dear Mr. Greg,

I understand your concern regarding delays. In fact, I share that very same concern. However, I am not the one who is delaying. It is you, with your paranoid delusions and outright laziness, who can't seem to get his shit together to fill out a simple form. Did the form cause you to spaz out, Mr. Greg? Or is it that you simply do not have the ability to write? Or is perhaps it you can't get off your lazy bum and be bothered to fill out the required form to get your money? Now, as I explained to you this is a very simple and straightforward procedure. I have already paid the fees associated with this sort of form to reduce any burden on you, my alleged business partner. As it now stands, any transaction overseas needs to have the Total Ownage form completed in order to have the money received. I explained this to you in a previous e-mail, Mr. Greg. Are you coming down with senile dementia? This short term memory loss should be a concern to you. Perhaps you should consult your pediatrician. In any case, because you have undoubtedly lost the forms, I have enclosed them once again. I am sticking my neck out for you, Mr. Greg. If you burn me a second time on these forms, there will be no business deal. I cannot deal with the heartache and misery of going in and out of government offices to get my money unfrozen, because some trogolodite is too stupid to fill out forms. The form is a mere two pages long. It should take you all of 15 minutes to complete, provided that you are half as intelligent as I hope you to be. Please take this seriously, Mr. Greg. I do not have time to fool around with childish pranks and incompetence.

Yours,
Peter

* I finally get him to snap!

Quote:

Peter,

That's it! I am sick an tired of your insults, I can't take them anymore. Don't bother contacting me ever again... and you can take your frozen change and shove it up your ass.

have a nice day.

Mr. Greg.

*A parting blow...

Quote:

Dear Mr. Greg,

I'm honestly surprised your even upset at all. Why didn't you forget about my e-mail five seconds after you read it? You have the memory of a goldfish when it comes to everything else. Speaking of e-mails, lovey, how the fuck did you remember my e-mail address? If I may speak out of concern for a moment...I must ask you a serious question. Are you on any type of mind altering drugs? Because seriously, you exhibit all the symptoms of a heavy drug abuser. You are paranoid, forgetful, moody (downright bitchy, if I do say so myself) and frankly can't get your life straight. Let's go over this for a moment, Greg. All I did was ask for a simple form, as mandated by my state law. Initially, I thought you were just lazy. Then you got all paranoid on me, asking me who I am and questioning MY integrity. To top it all off, I asked you, in a very reasonable tone, to please fill out the forms (the fees of which I had already paid for) and you tell me to shove my "frozen change" up my ass. Think objectively for a moment. Does this sound like the behaviour of an emotionally disturbed individual? It does to me. My father was a psychologist, and he would have diagnised you as having deep seated emotional problems coupled with a fear or success. You are a mentally and emotionally disturbed young man, Mr. Greg. If you are indeed a business man, you surely can not have been one for very long and your excursions into this field will be severly abbreviated. The ink will barely be dry on your first check and you'll have already lost twice that much because you can't handle business. Your people skills are about the poorest I've ever seen. Or is it this all because you are inbred and have four teeth? No, that can't be. They would be able to fill out a fucking 2 page form. Perhaps the question "WHAT IS YOUR NAME" stumped you? Well, I'm off to retreive my money which YOUR INCOMPETENCE has caused to be frozen. Just so you know, Mr. Greg, your name and information is on all the certificates. I am not the only person your incompetence will effect. I will be sure to direct the authorities to you should an inquisition arise.

Yours Truly,
Peter

More to come. *evil laugh*

Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 7:26 pm

"inebriated hobo" *LOL

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