The Omen

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Posted: Fri Jun 17, 2005 10:58 pm

This is one of my baiting B-sides. It didn't last very long, not even a full week, but I think it wound up pretty funny. If you don't get my baiter name in this one, you obviously need to watch more cheesy 70's horror movies.

Quote:

Date: Sun, 12 Jun 2005 03:09:46 -0200
To:
Subject: GET BACK TO ME
From: "cheung pui" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book
CC:

FROM: CHEUNG PUI
([email protected])

Dear Friend,

Let me start by introducing myself. I am Mr. Cheung Pui director of
operations of the Hang Seng Bank Ltd. I have an obscured business
suggestion for you.
Before the U.S and Iraqi war our client Major Fadi Basem who was with
the Iraqi forces and also business man made a numbered fixed deposit
for 18 calendar months, with a value of Twenty Four millions Five Hundred
Thousand United State Dollars only in my branch. Upon maturity several
notice was sent to him, even during the war and again after the war
another notification was sent and still no response came from him. We
later find out that the Major and his family had been killed during the
war in bomb blast that hit their home.

After further investigation it was also discovered that Major Fadi
Basem did not declare any next of kin in his official papers including the
paper work of his bank deposit. And he also confided in me the last
time he was at my office that no one except me knew of his deposit in my
bank. So, Twenty Four millions Five Hundred Thousand United State
Dollars is still lying in my bank and no one will ever come forward to claim
it. What bothers me most is that according to the to the laws of my
country at the expiration 4 years the funds will revert to the ownership
of the Hong Kong Government if nobody applies to claim the funds.

Against this backdrop, my suggestion to you is that I will like you as
a foreigner to stand as the next of kin to Major Fadi Basem so that
you will be able to receive his funds.
WHAT IS TO BE DONE:
I want you to know that I have had everything planned out so that we
shall come out successful. I have contacted an attorney that will prepare
the necessary document that will back you up as the next of kin to
Major Fadi Basem , all that is required from you at this stage is for you
to provide me with your Full Names and Address so that the attorney can
commence his job. After you have been made the next of kin, the
attorney will also fill in for claims on your behalf and secure the necessary
approval and letter of probate in your favor for the move of the funds
to an account that will be provided by you.
There is no risk involved at all in the matter as we are going to adopt
a legalized method and the attorney will prepare all the necessary
documents. Please endeavor to observe utmost discretion in all matters
concerning this issue.

Once the funds have been transferred to your nominated bank account we
shall share in the ratio of 70% for me, 30% for you . Should you be
interested please send me your full names and current residential address
and I will prefers you to reach me on the email address below
([email protected]) and finally after that i shall provide you
with more details of this operation.Your earliest response to this
letter will be appreciated.

Kind Regards,

Cheung Pui

Cue up the "Ave Satana" music for this one.

Quote:

Date: Mon, 13 Jun 2005 12:42:10 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Your proposal
To: [email protected]

Dear Ching Ping:

I want 45% of the total. If you are serious about this venture, please let me know that this is acceptable to you.

Damien Thorne

Quote:

Date: Wed, 15 Jun 2005 06:36:20 +0800 (CST)
From: "cheung pui" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book
Subject: Response to your mail.

Dear Damien,

Thank you very much for your response, and your
interest in this transaction.Like I said before,due to
this issue on my hands now,it became necesary for me
to seek your assistance, I appreciate the fact that
you are ready to assist me in executing this
project,and also to help me in investing my money in
your country.You should not have anything to worry
about. I will do everything legally required to ensure
that the project goes smoothly,it shall pass through
all the Legal Laws of International Banking.
Having resolved to entrust this transaction into your
hands, I want to remind you that, it needs your
commitment and diligent follow up.If you
workseriously,the entire transaction should be over in
a couple of days.

READ THE FOLLOWING AND GET BACK TO ME:
Firstly, I will want to know the type of occupation
that you do and how old you are. You should note that
this project is highly capital intensive.This is why I
have to be very careful. I need your total devotion
and trust to see this through. I know we have not met
before,but I am very confident that we will be able to
establish the necessary trust that we need to execute
this project.
I am now in contact with a foreign online bank. I now
intend that you open an account in your name in this
foreign bank.The money would be transfered to your
account which you will open in the bank for both of
us, this is the best way,I have found,it will protect
us from my bank.I want us to enjoy this money in peace
when we conclude. So you should listen to my
instructions and follow them religiously.Also You have
to know that I cannot transfer this money in my name
as my bank will be aware that it is from me. This is
where I need you.

As result of this,you will have to open an account in
the corresponding bank. I will obtain a certificate of
deposit from this my bank,it will be issued in your
name. This will make you the bonafide owner of the
funds. After this,the money will be banked online for
both of us.We can then instruct the bank to transfer
our various shares into our respective home bank
accounts. I will also perfect the documentations with
the assistance of my attorney to give the transaction
the legal right. Before I commence,I will need you to
send me a copy of any form your identification
(Driver's licence or International
passport) and your current address. I want to be sure
that I am transacting with the correct person. As soon
as I get these from you,I will commence the paper
work.I hope you will understand why I need all these.

The money in question is big and I want to ensure that
I know you well before I proceed to give you all the
details to commence the project. I will also send you
my international passport upon receipt of your
identification. I will send the name and contact
details of the bank and their website to you so that
you can commence communication with
them.

Ensure that you keep this project confidential, do not
discuss it with anybody,because of the confidential
nature of this transaction and my
work.

Please reply soonest.

Regards,

What a douche bag. He'll find out what happens when you cross the son of the devil soon enough.

Quote:

Date: Wed, 15 Jun 2005 14:21:49 -0700 (PDT)
From:
Subject: Re: Response to your mail.
To: "cheung pui" <[email protected]>

Dear Ching Poo:

I am currently CEO and president of Thorne Industries, a multinational conglomerate specializing in e-business solutions and synergy enterprise paradigm shifts. Our pretax revenue last year was $419mil and we have offices in San Francisco, Milan, London, New York and Pyongyang. Click on our website to found out more about what we do.

I eagerly await your further directions,
Sincerely,
Damien Thorne

The 'website' (no, you can't click on it) opens up many homosexual images while yelling loudly "I'M LOOKING AT GAY PORN" through the speakers. I imagine it will come as a surprise to him.

Quote:

Date: Fri, 17 Jun 2005 12:08:49 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Re: Response to your mail.
To: "cheung pui" <[email protected]>

Dear Ching Poo:

I haven't heard from you in several days. What is the status of our transaction?

Sincerely,

Damien Thorne

Quote:

Date: Sat, 18 Jun 2005 05:06:02 +0800 (CST)
From: "cheung pui" <[email protected]>
Subject: 轉寄： Re: Response to your mail.

you bastard

Well! Aren't we in a snit! Time to reveal the truth...

Quote:

Date: Fri, 17 Jun 2005 15:36:48 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Misunderstanding?
To: "cheung pui" <[email protected]>

That's right, asshole. Did you fucking think you were going to get any money out of me, mugu? WRONG, BITCH! YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY????

BECAUSE I AM DAMIEN THORNE, THE ANTI-CHRIST, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!

I see you in your shitty little internet cafe, hoping to scam some money. Let me let you in on a little secret. I'm coming to cleanse Najia of five naria ashewo boi like you oooooooooooooooo!!! ALL WHO BEAR THE MARK OF THE BEAST SHALL LIVE!!! This means you had better get the number 666 tattooed on your little prick if you want me to spare you in the coming plague!!!

BOW DOWN TO ME AS YOUR NEW GOD!!! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

No word yet if I have converted him to satanism, but one can dream, can't they? Laughing

Posted: Fri Jun 17, 2005 11:32 pm

love that two word reply you got...."you bastard" - sounds like he took a hit on that link right in front of everyone in the iCafe

Master Baiter Joined: 11 Mar 2004 Posts: 207

eff-in' brilliant, Lar.

Might I be so bold as to suggest a slight tweak?
Have it blare, "I am a homosexual in Igbo". A couple of members should be able to help you with the translation.

-Teddy

Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2005 6:22 pm

well, what I meant by "five naria ashewo boi like you " was to say "I believe your chosen profession is as a male prostitute. Furthermore, I would wager that your services are available for the price of five naria."

Being the son of the devil isn't all priest-impalings and rottweiler attacks. There is some hard work that has to get done.

Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2005 1:30 pm

Top stuff. Laughed myself sick.

Do you mind if I pick this lad up? Is he being spammed yet? I've been after a Chinese lad for ages.

Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2005 1:57 pm

Be my guest, battery. He's long since departed the clutches of Damien; of course, he might have been mauled by rottweilers or decapitated by a sheet of glass in the bed a truck after its parking brake mysteriously comes loose. Those who tend to piss off Damien usually don't live for very long. Twisted Evil

Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2005 12:53 pm

Thanks. Got a same day reply and I'm taking the SOB for a straight one.