Spoon-fed Dolla Chop Lad

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Posted: Wed Apr 08, 2020 8:40 pm

One of my pets has had a particularly difficult time simply catching on to what it is he’s trying to accomplish. This bait started from a typical format that tries to hijack any other lads’ current victims’ payments by pretending to be a higher authority and redirecting the victim. Lads, being lads are always happy to chop other lads’ dolla.

The Characters so far:

Lad characters: and

Ms. Christian Gallach -- Lad’s original character

Christopher -- Fake lad who my lad (eventually) impersonates

My Characters:

The Church: The Redeemed Sons of Xenu
(A church founded to oppose Hollywood Celebrities – implied opposition to Scientology)

PD – Hapless church functionary – Our lad’s victim

Padre Chr0nos – Domestic church official in charge of all church giving

Bishop Joseph – PD and Padre Chr0nos’ superior

Mr. Goldstein – Fake lad allied with Christopher
Mr. Goldstein’s lads – Local (to Nigeria) fake lad goons

In this format, “UN Undersecretary General Cristina Gallach” personally steps in to fix my overdue payment issues, which also makes this a quasi recovery scam as well.

Quote:

FROM: MS.CRISTINA GALLACH
UNITED NATIONS OFFICE OF INTERNATIONAL OVERSIGHT SERVICES
Internal Audit, Monitoring, Consulting and Investigations

Due to delay, Your Inheritance fund has been deposited in the bank by Mr.Campbell Trimel and an ATM Card will be delivered to you by American Express for the withdrawals of your funds daily

(Usual info grab BS removed for brevity) ... immediately so that the ATM Card will be delivered to you immediately. Your entire United State Dollars is intact and you will withdraw $10,000 daily. Your mailing adress was also with us but we want you to reconfirm it to us if there

is any change of Address.

I will be waiting for your next email and the form filled properly to avoid delay or any more excuses

Sincerely yours,
MS.CRISTINA GALLACH
UNITED NATIONS OFFICE OF INTERNATIONAL OVERSIGHT SERVICES
Internal Audit, Monitoring, Consulting and Investigations Division

I find recovery formats offer little motivation for lads to go off script. It seems to me that they’re apt to drop quickly. I think it might be because the format is effective only if the target is an active victim, and victims tend to notice when names and dollar amounts suddenly change. So to remove that problem, I like to answer them as if I mistook them for someone I’ve had a long relationship with—and turn it into a church bait while I’m at it. Church baits offer more opportunities (I think) and more importantly to me, they’re more fun.

I reply without including any text from the format, directing my email to “Christopher.” I update “current business” to give my lad something to chew on and an angle to get some easy money. I changed the Subject line to “Gift Card Numbers” to get the lad’s attention.

Quote:

Dear Christopher,

Bishop Joseph’s secretary informed me that not all of the gift cards sent in the last shipment are accounted for. We think some were removed in transit or at The Gambia border. Please send me the amounts of each card you received and the last 4 digits of the numbers on the cards so we can figure out what is missing. Your total should have been $7400 in $50 , $100, and $200 card amounts.

With thanks and prayers,

PD.

Lad replied with script. Obviously he hadn’t read my email. I’m not bothering to include it here. It was the typical fake legal jargon and assurance of enforcing Nigerian and West African law, more demands for personal info, etc. Still from “Christina Gallach.” I ignore his script and then sweeten the pot.

Quote:

. Dear Christopher,

I am sad to report that Mr. Goldstein is hospitalized with COVID19. He is very ill. As you know, he was coordinating all of our church-building efforts for the donors. Also, because of the risks of workers spreading the virus, Bishop Joseph has suspended all support package deliveries. Please instruct everyone to safely return to their homes until the conditions pass.

Hopefully everyone working on the building has enough saved to survive until we restart. If you have anyone with survival needs, let me know and I will see what can be done. We cannot wire cash because that would require us violating our strict quarantine; however, if you have someone with a special case, document it for me and I will try to get Bishop to authorize a shipment.

With prayers and thanks,

PD

Lad replies with yet another script email. In turn, I ignore it and give his arm another poke:

Quote:

Christopher,

Again, please do not be concerned. We have followed all instructions. We have already sent the packages via secure delivery service to the address. Use the GPS tracker to verify progress.

Everything is covered this time. Mr Goldstein’s lads should be picking up the Goldstein’s lads should be picking up the packages in a few days. They will verify the contents against the packing slips. If anything is missing, damaged, or even if there are any signs of tampering, the lads are instructed to take pictures of everything and then notify us all, including the shipping company insurance line.

You’re insured for twice the shipment value So please stop worrying.

Goldstein assures me his boys’ relationship with the border police is excellent. They ought to arrive in Lagos a day or two layer depending on when they can leave and provided the Land Rover developed no new problems.

FINALLY he notices that someone somewhere is about to score a big payday. He is still answering as Christina, because…. Well, because he is a moron. But he finally decides to test the waters. His email subject is “Very Urgent Response Plese Call me (lad phone number)”

Quote:

I understand your email very well. Thank to Godfor Bishop Joseph. We remind you change of package delivery. Because of international problems Gambia is not safe deliver. Please call me urgently (lad phone number).

MS.CRISTINA GALLACH
UNITED NATIONS OFFICE OF INTERNATIONAL OVERSIGHT SERVICES
Internal Audit, Monitoring, Consulting and Investigations Division

I assure “Christopher” that there is no need. Everything is secure, unlike what happened before. I sweeten the pot a bit more. If he isn’t drooling, he will at least be very jealous of whatever lad is scoring this deal. I want him to be thinking about all he would do with the loot, even if he isn’t sure how to get it.

Quote:

The packages are due to arrive in Gambia around 1730 hours on Thursday. Mr. Goldstein says his men are en route for pickup. We expect they can have the packages to you in Lagos by Saturday afternoon or Sunday morning at the latest.

Note: The boys won’t be able to make sure that the electronic devices are in working order. They can only check them against the shipping manifest. Please have your people test each device as soon as possible.

Also note: Padre Chrono told me that they could not purchase three of the iPhone 6s that we promised, so he had Lucy get three new iPhone Xs. I hope this doesn’t cause any trouble with your people because four must settle for refurbished iPhone 6s while three get new, unused Xs. Each phone has its proper SIM card. The phones are in the smaller package marked
“Sensitive scientific equipment. Do not drop. Do not X-ray.”

The big package contains the sanctuary suboria and vessels with the proper liturgical engravings. It also contains an envelope to be given to whichever candidate who you nominate as local reverend. Deliver it only upon his acceptance. It contains money transfer details including the MTCN, for the purchase of his new vestments. Tell him to place any excess into your poor box as your first donation.

Please let me know when they get to you.

-PD

Ah, my lad still hasn’t figured out who he is supposed to be, but he is getting a germ of an idea. Lad greed is like the sun: Even if you don’t see it, you know it’s always there.
He replies:

Quote:

FROM: MS.CRISTINA GALLACH
UNITED NATIONS OFFICE OF INTERNATIONAL OVERSIGHT SERVICES
Undersecretary General Internal Audit, Monitoring, Consulting and Investigations Division

Attention: PD

I gotyour e-mail response to me,but i am afraid that we might lost this items on transit as you never gave me all these details and information earler before this time. Please, i would wat you to send me your direct and working telephone number so that i can reach you and discuss with you immediately.

Please which address did you sent the items to Gambia as i would have preferred the entire packages to go through Cote D'Ivoire rather than Gambia. Please i would want you to stop these item from going to Gambia and re-direct it to us through Abidjan Cote d'Ivoire for safer delivery.

I would need your urgent response and your direct telephone number as soon as possible. Pls. you can reach me on this Telephone number +234-8135612969 for more talks. We look forward to hear from you as urgently as possible

Sincerely yours,

Cristina Gallach.
UNITED NATIONS OFFICE OF INTERNATIONAL OVERSIGHT SERVICES
Undersecretary General Internal Audit, Monitoring, Consulting and Investigations Division

He’s still not realized that he is still replying to me as Christina. Eventually he will catch on. More to follow.

Master Baiter Joined: 02 Feb 2019 Posts: 163

Brilliant!

Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2020 5:07 pm

^^^ Thanks. We've only begun.

My Pet remains oblivious to his identity problem. He seems to revert to script. This guy is s l o w.

Lad:

Quote:

FROM: MS.CRISTINA GALLACH
UNITED NATIONS OFFICE OF INTERNATIONAL OVERSIGHT SERVICES
Internal Audit, Monitoring, Consulting and Investigations Division

Attention: PD

Sir,

How are you doing today with your family and health? I am not able to
hear form you any longer as to know which way forward for the
conclusion of these transaction and your fund release to your account.

We look forward to hear from you as urgently as possible.

Sincerely yours,
Cristina Gallach.(Under-Secretary-General...
==============================

I figure if he can copy and paste, so can I. I resend:

Quote:

I am sad to report that Mr Goldstein is hospitalized with COVID19. He is very ill. As you know, he was coordinating all of our church-building efforts for the donors. Also, because of the risks of workers spreading the virus, Bishop Joseph has suspended all support package deliveries. Please instruct everyone to safely return to their homes until the conditions pass.

Hopefully everyone working on the building has enough saved to survive until we restart. If you have anyone with survival needs, let me know and I will see what can be done. We cannot wire cash because that would require us violating our strict quarantine; however, if you have someone with a special case, document it for me and I will try to get Bishop to authorize a shipment

With thanks and prayers,
PD

Our moron gets back to hitting me up for cash, and lets me know he he needs some material support that didn't get through. And of course, no surprise, he is a liar.

Lad:

Quote:

Good morning to you and may God Bless you for your message which came
in during the wekeend as i have been in prayers all these while (Really? Confused

) and was devastated over these COVID '19 that has ravaged every Country's
economic system. Yes you are right as all the gift cards we not
complete as they intercepted at the Border and took away all the some
of the valuables inclding the Iphones. I had not want to bother you so
much over these matter until you find out and ask now. (His English usually is better. Perhaps he was in a hurry.)

Secondly, so many of our workers are seriously hungry and the
Government imposed a curfew that everybody ust stay indoor as a result
of these Corona Virus cases all the the world. Please assist us and
explain to the Bishop over these matter as we need financial support
to buy them food stuffs and some medication on some of the workers who
are sick. If you cannot send cash, let them send Card Gift so that we
can sell it here and support them out of hunger in these period of
Isolation. Anything you would want to send any more thing do let me
know so that we can work with a genuine people and not those
criminals who has directed so many of the items you sent last.

I am touched! I wait until late the following day to reply.
Me:

Quote:

Dear Christopher

I have not slept a wink all night. This news is very sad. I will inform Bishop this morning. It will be a great disappointment as we hoped to have a congregation in their new home by now.

I will keep you informed. In the meanwhile the Sons of Xenu will pray for your protection.

With thanks and prayers,
-PD

He replies with a boring word of thanks and of course the request for urgent reply. Lads don't like to wait. So, I give him a small task... and make him wait.

Me:

Quote:

Dear Christopher,

Please list exactly what devices your people still need. Also please list which of your people have special needs and list exactly what they need from the Church in this time of crisis.

Bishop Joseph has long said that the reason God gave us our wealthy donors was not just to combat $cientology and their celebrities, but to do what they do not do: which is help our people in need.

Also please pray for Xenu to inhabit Mr Goldstein so he will recover. He is in critical condition and on a ventilator.

With thanks and prayers,

Naturally, he does what every lad does when asked to actually do something: he does nothing. Instead he wants a progress report. Also he still hasn't noticed that I am writing to "Christopher," whereas he answers as "Christina."

Lad:

Quote:

I am not able to hear from you today regarding my last email of
yesterday. I hope all is well with you?

We look forward to hear from you as urgently as possible.
Sincerely yours,
Cristina Gallach.(Under-Secretary-General...
==============================

Laaaazy lad. Well, at least he is putting some time into this by answering, but he really needs to make me a list. A day later I include my previous email and add more specific instructions.

Me:

Quote:

Christopher,

Bishop Joseph says that we must have a complete list of each person and their specific needs so we can give accordingly.

Please just list each person’s full names and write down what their problems are and what they need to cure them. This way we can give what is needed whether it is finances or medicine or technology.

With thanksgiving and prayers,

PD

————

Please list exactly what devices your people still need. Also please list which of your people have special needs and list exactly what they need from the Church in this time of crisis

Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2020 5:44 pm

Well, that last one finally got more of his attention. I hear nothing from him for a day, then I get this gem:

Lad:

Quote:

Dear PD

Sir,

Thank you very much for you prompt response to my last messages and my
warmest greetings to Bishop Joseph and Padre Chrono for you people
enormous support and donation to the people of God. Please how is Mr
Goldstein doing with his health and i pray he is recovering very fast
against the Coronavirus Quarantine? I know the Good Lord will keep him
alive for us.
We would need those sanctuary suboria again as the previous ones you
sent was not received. But the problem now is this border closure.

However, we are well over seven to Eight worker and some local
Reverends working with us

{i} James Ecusi .....needs 750$, he wants sanitizers, Nose cover and
some drugs Antibiotics to his pneumonia ill health.

{ii} Mike Utazi....496$,.... Family Support and medication also.

{iii} Frank Edward...1320$ Needed to undergo surgery for his
Apendixitis operation as he has been a faithful and loyal worker with
us (This is serious. This guy could die. I wonder why he just didn't go with COVID 19 for everyone? It would be more plausible)

{v} We needed to buy bed forms and curtains to furnish the place we
are sleeping. Please kindly take the total cost and let me know.

[iv} We need an additional US$2,700 to take care of our helpless ones
in the church who has no food to eat at home since the Government has
close every shops, market and all the supermarkets in Lagos, Abuja and
Ogun states, including the major cities in Nigeria here. We are have
so many other works who has pressing needs at least to buy some food
Stuffs like Five Bags of rice and some Chloroquine tablets and some
other Antibiotics for prevention against the pandemic corona-virus.

We look forward to hear from you as urgently as possible.
Sincerely yours,Christopher

He finally noticed that he is Christopher! I like to think he imagined himself to be quite clever by changing the signature. Of course he's still using the same email address, so ever email "Christopher" sends me comes in From "CHRISTINA, etc.", in ALL CAPS.

I take my time in replying. Of course I get a few unremarkable, "How are things going?" emails in between. It's interesting that he asked about the suboria considering he knows I don't have an address for him to send them to other than what fake lad Goldstein provided me.

I figure I'll give him all the news he isn't interested in while still giving him an expectation of things to come:

Quote:

Dear Christopher, thank you for your prompt reply.

I have forwarded your needs to the bishop.
I will ask Brother Lester to prepare a shipment for the suboria to the usual receiver address.

May you get all that is due to you. (Wouldn't that be nice?)

With thanksgiving and prayers

.

Oops! He realized his mistake. He replies in a few minutes:

Quote:

I got you email and i am glad that you have forwarded our request to
the Bishop already, but i would like to ask for one more favour that
you should ask the bishop that the funds be sent to an account we are
going to provide to you and then other items can be sent to a reliable
address as the previous address we gave to you which you have been
using can no longer be trusted as the items lost one after the other
before it could get to us. Please i would want you to advice Brother
Lester that way and once you concluded do let me know so that i can
forward to you the receiver account and the address.

I shall be expecting to hear from you as soon as possible.

Sincerely yours,
Christopher

I'd answer him, but it's late on a Thursday, and Friday is only a day before the weekend, and everyone knows nobody does business on weekends, so I let him hang for three days.

By the end of Monday (his time) he can't take it any longer. He writes:

Quote:

Sir,

Greetings to you and how was your weekend? I believed that everything
was in perfect control. Please do let me know should in case Bishop
has said anything.

Thanks for your understanding.
Sincerely yours,
Christopher...

I reply 12 hours later. I have encouraging news, but also an update on Mr. Goldstein:

Quote:

Christopher,

I have just returned from meetings with various Sons of Xenu Church donors. Coronavirus precautions drew out the process, as we had to setup socially distanced meeting places. I only read your request regarding account transfer a few minutes ago. I am not sure whether I can change the modality at this time. I will check on that tomorrow.

When I spoke with Bishop Joseph about your community’s needs, he was deeply moved. He instructed me to meet with Padre Chronos to decide on the exact amount of cash to include in the next shipment. Based on your needs, he authorized $7,500 He also suggested we send the equivalent or better tech items to replace what was misdirected. His office already had the same Dell laptops available, so the models remain the same as before; however, all seven iPhones are iPhone X.

The suboria shall be coming from our U.K. cohort. (I put that bit in on the chance that any Eater folks want a hook into the bait, knowing how you good folks across the pond are champion lad torturers.)

As for the $7,500, I think Padre Chonos wanted to included an envelope with the cash in the shipment. If it has already been shipped, then I cannot have it sent to an account. But with the all these difficulties and delays caused by the pandemic, I doubt it has been shipped yet.

Please send me the account information for direct transfer. I will try to redirect the money there.

I hope and pray that all of you are staying safe and healthy.

Mr Goldstein remains on a respirator. His status remains critical, but he has not worsened. It may be that Xenu is with him.

With prayers and thanks
PD

More to follow.[/u][/b]