Tales From The Orphange

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Posted: Fri May 04, 2018 8:32 pm

I've been quiet for a while but I have been baiting! We've traveled extensively which has limited my time, and I've slowed myself to only one bait at a time, just for sanity.

The standard set by the first Orphanage bait is ridiculously high. This will not meet it. I'm not sure this one is going anywhere. But I haven't published anything in a while and it's good to get reacquainted with some of our old friends on the island.

Sister Mary has won herself yet another BMW. Probably her 25th one by now. The orphanage is going to need a bigger garage.

Quote:

Dear Winner,

This is to inform you that you have been selected for a prize of a brand new 2016/2017 Model BMW X5 SUV and a Check of $3,500,000.00 USD from the international

about 6 paragraphs worth of blah blah blah, etc, etc...

As is her standard...

Quote:

My dear Mr Martin, I fear I have not even a license to drive but perhaps we donate this to the orphanage?

Sister Mary

Poor lad forgot to type in her name into the script...

Quote:

Dear:

You are welcome to Inter World Freight Services Inc, we wish to
congratulate you on behalf of the BMW Lottery Program.
The confirmation has been forwarded to us to handle the delivery of
your 2017 BMW X5 SUV with your check of $3, 500.000.00 USD price to
you by mailing you with the original copy of your winning certificate
and other documents backing your winnings from the BMW Lottery Team
Incorporated, However you are expected to satisfy our charges via our
upfront options which is the handling of your winnings to you
according to the specifications of the BMW Lottery Inc.

another dozen paragraphs of blah, blah, blah, I owe him $200.

Quote:

Oh my dear Mr Martin,

You so polite to respond yet I ask of thee if there be some way to donate this to the orphanage in their name as I not have a license to drive? Be that possible? You respond, yes?

Sister Mary

Still on script, MG or WU standard

Quote:

DEAR WINNER

yes that is possible, all you nee to do is to give us the information
of the orphanage you wish to donate it to.
you need to pay the sending fee of $200 to our accountant
and here is are the information's you need:
NAME: *****
ADDRESS: LAGOS NIGERIA
VIA: WESTERN UNION OR MONEY GRAM

YOU ARE TO GET BACK TO US WITH THE REFRENECE DIGITS GIVEN TO YOU.

THANK YOU
REGARDS

I moved her to another island, as the Beaver Island script I was using kept leading lads to the first bait and they promptly dropped me. So I'm editing out the island she is at now. Hint, it is the largest island in Lake Superior. Uninhabited.

Quote:

Oh that be just wonderful Mr Martin and I going to tell the children at once if you don't mind? The orphanage be at *** and I think you probably know the place. We don't get too many visitors but the children just love anyone who come to visit as we be a little remote. But Mr Martin I not understand how to get you the monies as you say the West Union or Money Graham and I talk to my assistant and she say there be not one of those on Isle ***** so I not sure whato to do but I think I may go down to the bank first thing and withdraw the 200 dollar from the children fund so I can get to you but you let me know how okay?

Sister Mary

Quote:

Dear Mary Margaret Katherine

Your message was received and well understood it would be so great giving the children so much funds
to take good care of them and also raise them in the way of the Lord soon as you go to the bank and withdraw
the fee of 200$ please send me an instant email so i can inform you on what to do ..... i would also want you
to contact me with your mobile number.... soon as you make the payment we will head on to [orphanage address] without delays to deliver your funds ....

we expect your humble responds

Painting a picture of the new island. Quite similar to the first one...

Quote:

Oh my dear Mr Harris, this sound so wonderful. The children be so excited for all this and they jumping up and down like a ruckus and the weather is so beautiful on the island this morn and the sun be out and shining and finally a taste of spring in the air and so this be good news that we can donate this to the orphanage and I can tell you the whole island might be excited about this as no one here has ever won anything in their whole lives.

OK, I lied. Sister has won quite a bit in the past.

Quote:

DEAR SISTER

have you gotten the 200$ for the delivery of your
parcel? please get back to us as soon as possible

Regards

Quote:

Oh my dear sir yes indeed I do have the $200 and I take it out of the orphan college fund a few days ago and little Orphan Penelope say what hath brought about that thy dear sister needeth thine $200 and I tell the sweet child that indeed Mr Martin is helping us out tremendously with a new car for all the orphans to ride in and she very pleased if I may say so myself.

But my dear sir you need to tell me who to give this to as I not know anyone on the island with a BMW dealer and so I Not sure who to hand it to or perhaps I need to mail it but the mail come here but once a week so I hope that be not the case but if it is that is just fine and we will make do and oh the children be so excited I can tell you but we had yet another frost last evening so perhaps spring is not quite here yet.

Quote:

DEAR SISTER

CAN YOU MAIL THE MONEY VIA FEDEX TO US?
GET BACK TO US AND WE WILL GIVE YOU AN ADDRESS TO
MAIL IT TO.

Regards

Sure?

Quote:

Oh my dear sir I ask my assistant and she say indeed that would be fairly possible as there be a Fedex plane arrive here once per week and usually on Thursdays but not always as it apprent depend upon the weather and waves and wind and whatnot as you can imagine as it probably be difficult to land a sea plane under adverse conditions such as those but alas i've never tried to do it myself so i don't know for sure but it seem like it be difficult at best. So yes you tell me where alas to send the orphan money and the best way to get the car and by chance do you know the shipment method as it seem likely it would have to be brought by ferry i would guess.

Mule...

Quote:

Name: ****
Address: *****
as soon as you get it sent get back to me with the tracking number
and the date of delivery.

Quote:

Oh my dear Mr Harris this be wonderful and I send the money as soon as possible to Mr [mule] and is he a nice fellow? I sure hope so since he as nice as you mean he a very nice person indeed and the children could not be more pleased. I sure hope you don't mind I tell all the children about you and they agree you a nice man indeed sir. As I say we on a little island up here and oh you should see how beautiful it is but we had yet another frost last night so Orphan Nelson and Orphan Penelope need to hold of on putting in the new plantings lest they die in another frost but I'm sure you understand that yes? But as I say the FedEx plane come on Thursdays and that be a few more days and I let you know all about it and I even try to find out the pilots name for you since he so wonderfully handsom as I met him twice or thrice before.

Quote:

DEAR SISTER

I LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR EMAIL

Let's start working on some books...

Quote:

Yes kind sir Mr Martin I will submit to you as soon as possible and you should see our beautiful island this morn as the sun is shining and the waves are calm finally and the beautiful sailboats are all about and the orphans rejoice in the fact that perhaps indeed spring is here and the flowers may indeed bloom once and for all which would be just wonderful I'm sure you would agree.

I do want to ask you dear Mr Martin if ye enjoy reading to children perhaps? We pay wonderful readers to come to our beautiful island and read books to our wonderful orphans and I see you as being a very nice person who might want to do such a thing so I wanted to inquire. If ye unavailable to travel to our island perhaps ye would consider an audiobook or two to record and I think that might be just wonderful. The children are always looking for new readers and we have paid out over $18000 so far this year for readings but the children demand more and I cannot blame them as the readings have been so wonderfully good.

I trust ye get back to me on the matter and I forward you information on the Fedex plane as soon as he arrive this week we hope as the weather look very good!

So there's hope?

Quote:

Dear sister

yes sure in would love to read for the kids, i would be there personally so there would be no need for an audio message sister, as soon as you make the required payment then i will make preparations right away so the kids would be very happy.

Well, his offer of being there - which is a completely fictional location - means I don't think he's coming. Too bad. But our dear sister will keep working on it.

Quote:

YOU NEED TO GIVE US THE TRACKING NUMBER AND THE DATE OF DELIVERY

THANKS

Quote:

Oh my dear Mr Martin, you be so very kind indeed to check on me and the orphans and I can assure you all is well here after all the severe storms that come through the last few days! We had a tree come down out front it be the one that Farmer Jethro help plant about 20 year ago the tall oak one that the boys put the swing on, so we are a little sad about that but Farmer Jethro say he will bring his tractor by and help us clean it up out of the way. Today be all windy and such and much cooler so I do hope we get a little more help cleaning up after the storms as stuff still be blowing around quite a bit.

So I not able to get the Fedex sent as the plane not arrive due to the weather and I not exactly sure when it may come but I hear maybe today or tomorrow so we hopes for that of course as I'm sure you associate look forward to the monies so we can get our new car which will be just outstanding I have no doubt for sure.

Quote:

Dear Sister

okay then,do get on with the payment so we can start the process as soon as possible.

Best Regards

I want more books...

Quote:

Oh my dear Mr Martin, yes sir absolutely indeed sir I will you can be assured of that most certainly. Meanwhile, might I be able to inform the children of a book or three that you might be interested in reading for them? They do indeed look forward to meeting you and they imagine you have a wonderful deep voice that they will greatly enjoy and I will tell them that it is true though I confess I know not myself.

Quote:

Dear Sister

i will do anything for the beautiful kids. you pick the book and i will do the reading to them, but i will not be staying very long for i have so many other places to go to.

I fear he's still lying.

Quote:

Oh my dear Mr Martin, that be so wonderful and I tell the children that you will be reading to them and how might next Friday be? Do you think you could be here by then? Oh you most certainly share the upper bunk with Orphan Tommy as it is available and he is 15 and says he doesn't snore at all so you can stay there and I will invite Farmer Jethro here on his tractor he name john deere for reasons only baby jesus know and I will have him bring a prized hog that we can serve in your honor though I typically ask for the spareribs myself though since you a guest perhaps it be most polite that I offer you first dibs and so I shall.

This be so wonderful and you just let me know what time you get here and I will have all the children washed and dressed in anticipation of your welcoming party!

So I leave it at that for now. We'll see how this goes. It's my most promising one in a while, but I'm hoping for at least a little entertainment!

Mostly I just wanted everybody to know all is well on the little island and the orphans seem to be getting along just fine after last year's mayhem.

Baiting Guru Joined: 25 Jul 2017 Posts: 2107

I believe that orphan Tommy doesn't snore, but there are rumours of persistent bed wetting.

Posted: Fri May 04, 2018 8:54 pm

An excellent start! I truly hope this lad will provide some voice files for your trophy case...

Posted: Fri May 04, 2018 10:17 pm

My church has been long silent, but I'd be happy to give assistance if needed. Just let me know.

Posted: Fri May 04, 2018 11:14 pm

Nice to see you back! I've been a bit busy with the Ezze bait, but I would love to help reunite Team Humphere if this lad is actually promising. Can you attempt to get a recording of Finnegans Wake? I've always wanted to see a lad try and read that.

Posted: Sat May 05, 2018 12:29 am

^ Noted!

As much as I'd love a repeat, this lad doesn't seem as excited to read as Hump. At least not yet. Perhaps some more moolah is needed!

He's still mostly on script. The Humphere bait was an incredible amount of intro to the island life. We're just beginning here, but I hope my intuition is right.

I will certainly entertain help if and when needed!

Quote:

Dear sister

the moment we confirm your payment fee we would proceed, so it is left for you my dear sister, if you are able to make the payment from now we will be there on tuesday so you have to try and mail the money.
you have to forgive me for always talking about money for it is our company policy

Slowly pulling him into my world...

Quote:

Oh my dear mr martin you been so nice to us that i can forgive you most anything and i understnad the need for the monies so you apologize no more.

But my dear Mr Martin you not tell me a few things and I hope that perhaps you can answer these indeed as it will help out for the planning. First can you tell me the method by which the car and the payment arrive to us here on the island? And did you think you able to make it here by next friday to do the readings for the children and if so what is your favorite ice cream? And is your favorite books to read the ones with the pictures or the ones with the scary parts or naughty kids or what kind is your favorite stories?

But now here sir you distract me and that be very tricky of you as i need to start the dinners for the children and tonight we having lake perch that Orphan Nelson fish out for us a few days past and Orphan Penelope will help out with some catfish she caught this afternoon and that going to be so wonderful do you not think so?

Posted: Sat May 05, 2018 2:39 am

Quote:

you have to forgive me for always talking about money for it is our company policy

Posted: Sat May 05, 2018 4:02 am

^ that one line is the only true statement he has ever made.

Posted: Mon May 07, 2018 2:09 pm

Slowly pushing him off script.

Quote:

Dear sister

from the option you picked the delivery method is going to be EXPRESS ROAD FREIGHT
(48 hours Delivery) not to worry because your prize would surely come to the kids, our coming is going to be
based on how quick you are able to get the money sent to us.

How road freight is going to get to an island will be a problem. We'll deal with that later.

Quote:

Oh my kind Mr Martin you be so wonderful to us and I could not be more pleased and you so nice and all to help us out here at the orphanage and if you don't mind I tell the story of Peter Rabbit last eve but I change the name Peter to Mr Martin in representative of you and oh the children were so pleased you would have been so proud no doubt indeed!

But Mr Martin you not tell me if you will be here by Friday so I can get the top bunk available next to Orphan Tommy nor do you tell me your favorite part of Farmer Jethro's prized hog nor do you tell me your favorite ice cream and so you do get back to me on that okay?

It be my understanding the Fedex plane may arrive today as it be so beautiful here and Orphan Penelope sure hope so as the pilot be so handsome indeed and I think she want to make more baby orphans with him but of course that not be allowed as there already 70 of them here so you go along now Mr Martin and we get the $200 to you as quick as possible and then you come read for us and oh yes you not tell me your favorite type of book.

Planning his visit!

Quote:

Dear sister

i will be there on Friday for sure and i really do not have a favorite book, as i will be coming to read to the kids, so when you make the payment just send us the tracking number and date of delivery. thank you my dear sister.

Obviously a bold faced lie, but I have hope that he's slowly moving into my world with that email.

He's left a lot of things unanswered though.

Quote:

Oh my goodness my kind sir you be so good to us and I tell all the children you coming on friday and they cheer and say mr martin! mr martin! mr martin! I never seen them so ecited you cannot imagine the ruckus around here it be so wonderful. Orphan Tommy say you can have the top bunk and Orphan Penelope say why hath mr martin e'er prepared thine visit thus hereforth to our beloved island and i tell the young child yes of course he has.

So I tell you what I will pick out a wonderful book the children would love to hear you read to them and shame on you mr martin because you still not tell me your favorite ice cream and I going to have that on hand for your arrival and there will be fireworks as well and perhaps the children have a small parade and which part of Farmer Jethro's prized hog would you like first? I let you pick.

I hear the fedex plane arrive today as it so beautiful ooh i know you are just going to love our island and are you coming by ferry or seaplane mr martin?

I kind of like this lad. Hope he hangs around. I haven't had one get this far with Sister in a long time.

Posted: Tue May 08, 2018 9:55 pm

The lad doth not like ice cream! The horror!

Quote:

Dear sister

I am not a fan of ice cream that is why i feel every embarrassed when you asked for my favorite,
As soon as you get the money sent to the address i gave you just let me know and send me the tracking number and the date of delivery.
it is going to be by seaplane.

Dropping hints of cash to come!

Quote:

Oh my dear Mr Martin, this be so wonderful. Please kind sir do indeed except my truly sincere apologies as I do not know of anyone who doth not like ice cream and so we shall not have any at your welcoming party. The children may be disappointed, but perhaps you can make up for it with song? Do you know any instruments or good songs? I would think with a good reading voice you probably are a good singer as well!

I am sure Mr Martin that you have a wonderfully deep reading voice and the children so look forward to hearing you. I shall have a good book picked out for you by the time you arrive and if you come by seaplane, the pilot's name is captain Over and he so handsome almost like a movie star he be so handsome and he will ensure your safe arrival to the pier and the children will meet you there and help you find your way to your celebration parade and party! And then the reading shall begin!

The book I have chosen for you pays $6000 in person and I hope that be okay with you and if there be an audio recording of it that pay another $2000 and we so look forward to your winderful looks. Have ye a picture so I can show the children who to look for?

I hear the fedex plane may have arrived today so I sent my assistant miss connie down there with you monies and oh this going to be so wonderful! We get good books and a car and funds for the children and meet a new wonderful friend in you since you be so good to us I am almost in tears but I go now and send my thanks to such a wonderful man in you!

Yawn...

Quote:

Dear sister

i look forward to seeing you soon, just get the required information's sent to us as soon as you get them

He will get no info without better effort than that!

Quote:

Yes kind sir but ye not answer any of my questions! I know not how to prepare lest ye do!

Quote:

Dear sister

i have a beautiful song to sing to the kids, and about my picture, do not worry because i will be coming with few of my staffs so you will know me when you see me, i also want to see the kids, i want to be with them and spend time with them, i am okay with whatever you do,

what is happening? have you sent it to the address?

Oh, might go for a lad song! I can only hope he sticks around. So far, so good.

Miss Connie sent the money! I think. Maybe. Not sure.

Quote:

Oh my kind sir how I await the way you will anoint us with your song and I have no doubt the children hope it involve our nailed god sweet baby jesus amen that would be so wonderful! Please do practice with great haste as nothing ruin an entrance greater than a weakly done song sir!

You not get back to me on the part of the prized hog you would like us to honor your presense with my dear sir! This will be just wonderful! This children are making arts and crafts for you and most of it suppose a surprise for you but i reveal to you now that they made a large banner saying welcome Mr Martin to our beautiful orphanage and Orphan Tommy and Orphan Penelope and especially Orphan Juliet decorate it so beautiful that I trust no doubt that it will bring tears to your eyes!

Lo! Herest come my assistant Miss Connie up the drive now from whence she comes the fedex place and i hope she bear good news and especailly about the handsome pilot who we all adore and his name is Woody and he such a nice man and no doubt heres hopes that you have a chance to meet him whence you get here my kind sir!

OK, nothing remarkable about the bait so far, but I'm hoping everyone is enjoying an update from the island! I'm patiently awaiting how he'll wiggle out of visiting in a few days.

Quote:

DEAR SISTER

i look forward to hearing from you about what your assistant brought back, as i have really been patient for a while.
i have to say that i am very happy for what the kids are doing so now if we confirm the payment we will begin all process to come down to your beautiful island

Posted: Wed May 09, 2018 1:46 am

This lad seems like he has potential, assuming that he learns to stop focusing on the money and more on audiobooks, singing, or whatever. The fact that he is actually paying attention to what you are saying and suggesting random things to help the children means that he is starting to become invested in your story, which is good for a long-term bait. Good luck!

Baiting Guru Joined: 25 Jul 2017 Posts: 2107

I want to see the video of him singing for the children!

Posted: Tue May 15, 2018 2:47 pm

Well, not to drag this on, but not unlike most lotto lads, Mr Martin twigged quickly on this.

Long story short, he didn't show up on the island, Sister tried to figure out where he was and why he wasn't coming, offered more money for books, and got no response.

I consider him gone.

More tales from the orphanage to come!!!

LA

Posted: Fri May 18, 2018 8:02 pm

A great shame LA. That had the makings of another epic bait. Sad