Plight of the Pestiferous Pizza Parlour (PG-13)

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Posted: Tue Jul 04, 2017 7:02 pm

The setup: the Reverend David Michael wants me to build an orphanage with his inheritance. He'll ship the cash over but only once I've paid all the usual fees. But what happens when he tries to pinch pennies from a pizza place that appears to be involved in a money laundering scheme...?

The cast:
Reverend David Michael/Mike/Mikey/Mickey/Reverend Mouse
Peter Coleman, a pizza entrepreneur
Pustulent Spot, leader of the money laundering scheme

Quote:

Dear Friend,

May They peace of they Lord be with you and every members of your family,Please kindly send to me your contact address to enable me know the cost of sending the package to your country.

Remain blessed,

Easy-peasy. Now here's an address I've been looking for an excuse to use...

Quote:

Peter's Pizzas
62 West Wallaby Street
Toronto
Canada

Quote:

Hello Dear Friend,.

May they peace of they Lord be with you and every members of your family,I have contacted the SDL Courier office Dakar senegal after reading your message to know the details on how the package can post to your address .. The agent on duty told me that it will cost about 100,000 cfa to post the package to Canada which is almost $200, and it will take 4 working days for the package to reach your address in Canada,

You are hereby advise to send the charges post to address below as soon as possible to enable me register the package

(Insert address here)

You can send the charges money through western union money transfer or through money Gram transfer with the above name and address,As soon as i recieve the money i shall go to the Sdl office to register the package to enable them deliver it to your address in Canada,

Remain Blessed,

Now, if only Peter had actually read the email...

Quote:

Mike! I'm just writing out the cheque, and I'll nip down to the post office and mail it to you. Question, is it OK if I use the company account? I'm the one who balances the books anyway so I'm sure it'll be OK. Nobody's noticed before. Gotta run, I've got a meeting with a benefactor of mine, Mr Spot. I'm sure he'll be delighted to assist with this house thing.

Peter Coleman
Proprietor of Peter's Pizzas

Quote:

Dear Friend,.

Peace of they Lord be with you,As i told you,Send the money through Western union Transfer or through Money gram Transfer with the above name and address as i instructed you,

As soon as you sent the money then send me the informations to collect the money ,I will register your package here which will only take 4 days to reach you,.Send the delivering charges through western union or through money gram as soon as possible,

Remain blessed.

Now, one thing I notice is that throughout everything, Mickey does remain somewhat courteous with all his "Peace be with you"s and the like.

Somewhat.

Quote:

Mikey! Did you not want me to post the cheque? Well, nothing I can do about it now. Unless I get the boys to vandalize the post box or something (no-one's ever noticed before). Thing is, Mike, I've got no idea what this Western Union thingy is, so please explain that to me so you can get your money and I can get on with building a house.

Peter Coleman
Proprietor of Peter's Pizzas

Quote:

Dear Mr

There was envelope drop to this office by Mr Mustapha Guei,..I have check on how to post you the envelop to your country Canada. It post the envelop to your country canada will cost 200$

So send that 200$ through Western Union Transfer or through Money Gram transfer so that i can register your package here to enable them send it to you...Western Union is where they make transfer of money,

God blessed you.

Quote:

Mikey-boy, I must confess I'm rather worried about this money transfer business. I've had experience with transferring money before - Mr Spot is an expert in his field - and I know that there are all sorts of things that can go wrong with sending money through third parties. Western Union does offer a special high-security transfer option, so I'm going to go for that. I'll head up to the place when I've closed the restaurant for the evening - not that we're really expecting anyone, to be honest. Apart from Spot and his boys, but they're in here every night for business purposes.

Peter Coleman

Quote:

Dear Friend,

Peace Be With You,As soon as the money is sent i will register the Package to be sent to Canada,Bye

In the next email I talk about the High Security Option. Thanks to the wonders of the FROG, I was able to generate a receipt using that wonderfully expensive overseas lad-irritating hotline so that I could have some fun with Michael. Literally at his expense.

Quote:

Mickey, I am attaching the Western Union receipt. Now, as a precaution, I've added the High Security Transfer option. What you have to do is call the number on the receipt and enter the code below it. Then you'll get the MTCN which you can use at your Western Union along with the receipt. Please tell me when you have done this so that we may proceed with the fund transfer and thus the house. Mr Spot is awaiting me for an important meeting about a client so forgive my short mail.

Peter Coleman

Unfortunately...

Quote:

Dear mr Peter Coleman

Peace be with you,Bear in mind that am man of God and do not Play with man of God,by sending to me rubish western union information which bank here confirm rubish,

Have a nice day

Quote:

I can assure you, sir, that I have no intention of deceiving you. Why take this to the bank? You should have called the number. I, too, am a man of God. I have no wish to lie to one of my own.

Quote:

Peace be with you,Listen to me very well,There is no where on eart the reciever of western union must call to collect MTC number,And if you think you only wanted to joke with my reputation please stop it before you face anger from God,I only wish to send you the package envelope drop to my office by your partner,But if you tune this matter to be a joke i warn you to kindly think twince,If you send the money then collect the MTC Number and send it to me,

Remain Blessed,

Damn. I've got a smart one. Or he did call the number and worked it out for himself. I sincerely hope it's the latter.

Quote:

Reverend Mouse, I have never been so insulted in all of my years as a businessman. What would I have to gain from smearing your blasted reputation? I am a follower of the Lord my God, and have no desire to annoy a fellow of my people. You have asked me to build a house and I shall do so with great enthusiasm if only you are to send the money. It's very simple. I have done my part. I have spent my own money, as you can see on the receipt I sent you, on this transfer. As you can also see on the transfer, you must call the number to receive the true MTCN. What is so difficult about this? I do not understand how you can say that no Western Union on Earth would require you to do so, because obviously, this one does if you pay extra for additional security. My advisor, Mr Spot, is adamant that this transaction is as secure as possible. Just call the number, enter the code, get the MTCN, go to Western Union and take your $200. It's not difficult. Must I step out of this deal?

Quote:

my duty here is that as soon as you sent the money for me to post the cheque i will post the cheque as your partner Mustpha Guie instructed me.i wil be going for missionary job soon to nearby country.So if you like continue with your joke...if you send the money then send me the MTC Control number.

Time for plan B, I think, if we're going to try and get any humour from this lad.

Quote:

No need to shout. No need to have a riot. I'm away for the next few days due to business but I'd be happy to pass you on to Mr Spot, who has generously agreed to get your MTCN for you. Find him at <snip> and tell him Pete sent you.

The Rev is a little reluctant...

Quote:

Dear Friend,

Peace be with you..I want to inform you to know that i am not into kind of joke with you..My duty here is to send you the cheque envelope which is now in my parish office drop by your partner Mr Mustpha Guie.You can instructed your Friend to send the money and send me the MTC number.as soon as i recieve the money i will send you the package envelope cheque and 4 working days the package will reach to your address Canada...

Best Regards

...so Pustulent enters by himself.

Quote:

This is Spot. I heard from ma boi Pete that ya want some money transferred o' summing for a house, Reverend?

Quote:

Yes you Right

Pustulent is a bit of a stickler when it comes to going by the rules, so if you want to do business with him, you have to be prepared to play the game properly.

Quote:

You've heard o' ma business, Rev? 'Cause if you wanna use me, you gotta prove youse are who you says you is. Send ID and I send money. Capice?

But Mickey is intent on cheating.

Quote:

i do not have anything to Proof to you,as soon as you send the money i will send the Package,have a great day,

Quote:

Now you listen closely, "Reverend". I am in a business which involves a lot of money transferring, if yo catch ma drift. I have to be very, very careful with the folks I do ma business wif. You ID giver. Me money giver. Savvy?

Quote:

Dear Mr Now you listen very good,Am not a bussiness man am doing the work of God and if you know that you dont trust me Please dont write me again,

i do not want to enter into argument with you,My duty here is to make sure the Package reach you as soon as you send the money,

But Spot will not be deterred. Especially when he knows exactly how to dangle cash in front of a lad...

Quote:

Sir. Faith don't pay the bills. You sees t'receipt I gone done attached? Tha's yo cash. All I gotta do is scratch off the foil and you gots yoself an MTCN. Give me ID and the code is yours, simpleton.

But Michael doesn't want to reply.

Quote:

Fuck me, Michael. This ain't hard. A passport. Driver's license. A fucking library card. Do dis and yo gots them sweet sweet moneys.

Until...

Quote:

Peace be with you,

May the Friend,I must warn you for the last time to mind how you talk to me,You can keep the money because i am not begging you for money,The money is to post you the envelope that contain cheque,Since i can see you as some one been unserious you can stop contacting me,Since you can took your time and arrange for rubish western union reciept and send to me,I pray that God will forgive you,But do not try any rubish again befeore you see the anger of God,Peace be with you,

Rv David,

Our final (as of yet) email returns us to the realm of Pete, where we find him stuck between a rock and a hard place...

Quote:

First, allow me to say sorry for an absence in communication. Things haven't been going too well here at the Pizza Parlour. We could do with some more money but the bailiffs have nicked the pizza oven so we're having to borrow next door's microwave. Pustulent is a little annoyed as the food comes out with its own hammer to break it apart, so he's been a bit crabby recently. Anyway, we are not sending you any such rubbish. Pustulent is being careful. I am on my way to collect his MTCN.

Peter Coleman

I hope this bait does continue in some form, but it is disappointing to see a lad who isn't being particularly cooperative. Perhaps he's been baited before...?

Posted: Tue Jul 04, 2017 7:20 pm

I love the modality of the crooked pizza operation. Maybe you can go silent for a couple day and then come back with some trouble brewing between Pustulent and Micky? Maybe one of them wants to screw over the other with the lad's help (and some profit in it for him)? And you haven't told him why the pizza joint is laundering money yet... drugs, mob dealings, etc. The bit about past experience breaking into the local post office was a nice touch. Very Happy

Posted: Tue Jul 04, 2017 8:47 pm

Ho ho, I am liking that idea! Pustulent is probably a bit fed up of Peter failing on the whole actually being able to run a pizza parlour front, so it wouldn't be a surprise if he wanted to find a way of getting rid of him with the Reverend's help. Also, I'm saving the reason for the laundering for later, mwahahah...but as I've literally just had a response from Michael, maybe quite soon...

Posted: Thu Jul 06, 2017 4:51 pm

Its your bait and you can run it anyway you want but what I like to do is dangle massive amounts of cash. I had a few fake check forwarders that I had on the hook and needed to get them to give me their undivided attention. They had sent me a few checks each and I invested the money in stocks, futures, Viagra, coke, champagne and other party essentials.

I sent them screen caps of the highest flying stocks for the day and told them that my boyfriend was a stock trader and I had access to insider information so it was silly to pull the money out of the market. Its amazing how much money you can make in the stock market when you know what stocks went up the day before.

They howled for the money. Its crazy how the check lads feel that it is really their $9,000 on the line, just because they had a fake check sent to Leaky Falls, Nebraska.

I told them that we already had a charity pizza and beer fundraiser planned to aid cancer research. Last year we raised over $100,000.00 USD. Of course they want most of that and are willing to send more checks to cover it.

I had a daily countdown to the fundraiser, ignoring everything that they wrote me.
After a while I sent photos of the event.

This is a photo of the line two hours before opening.

This is the inside of the pizza place.

These were the small beers in glasses we were selling for $5.00 US each.

After a while we ran out of glasses and used plastic cups.

This was a view from outside.

We stopped selling beer when we ran out of cups. People brought in their own bottles and then things got out of hand.

After a while the police were summoned and I was arrested.

I sent photos like the last two about 3 days after the first series and to explain the lapse told my lads I was in jail and my lawyer was on vacation in France.

Anyone may use these photos in a bait. They are all just scraped off the net.
My lad Johnson Hill told me that he wrote to the FBI after I told him I sent what was left over after paying for damages, the police, the lawyer and the court fines to Cancer.ORG.

Posted: Fri Jul 07, 2017 7:22 pm

Love the photos; however, bear in mind that more and more lads are becoming more and more internet savvy. It would be a shame to have a lad tweak a good bait because he or she does a reverse image lookup.

Posted: Sun Jul 09, 2017 8:25 am

Thanks for all the help, guys! I'll add the next batch of emails soon, and am currently incorporating the fundraiser into my story. Will Michael be tempted by an offer from Pustulent? Why is Peter in cahoots with a money laundering scheme? And who is truly pulling the puppet strings of the crooked cuisiners? All to be revealed...

Not quite a Newb Joined: 20 Nov 2012 Posts: 68

I found that by cropping and `squashing' a photo ie resizing it but with different ratios (so make a 640x480 a 640x500) it seems to stuff up image searches- good for making photos not show up

Posted: Mon Jul 10, 2017 8:40 pm

Suspicion and frustration are abound for the Reverend David Michael in Part Two of the Plight of the Pestiferous Pizza Parlour.

Quote:

do what ever that please you since you and your friend know very well how to desive people with stupid western union reciept,my duty here is that as soon as the i got the money i will send you the package cheque as instruction by Mustapha Guie,If you like go and collected another rubish MTCN number and send to me,Have great day

A 'rubish' Western Union number? Would I ever...

Now, on advice from you lovely people, I'm attempting to get Michael involved in taking over the pizza restaurant. How? By Superman IV'ing it. It's a load of bull but if he swallows it then we're in business (boom-boom).

Quote:

Oy, Mikey. I'm fed up o' Pete. Yesterday he threw a pizza a' ma face tha' was harder than a yak's genitalia. Now I like you. Ya stick to youse principals wif all yo' reluctance to gimme ID. I fink we could makest some of that sweet sweet dough together, yeah? So here's the cheese: thanks to all o' tha' money coming in an' out due to my business, I'm gonna buy up all the shares in the company. Because of tha', I will effectively own it. Now all you have to do is keep acting like everything's going to shit on youses part with all this money transfer business - an' it will anyways, 'cause here's the thing: Pete is dyslexic as fuck. He can't read anything smaller than an olive's stone. So any MtCs hes gonna give ya are gonna be bullshit anyway. Do this for me and we split the profits once my pizza business starts making money again. Whaddya say?

I delight in all of the pizza gags I throw in.

Quote:

i do not have time with fools;

Quote:

Ah'm no fool, Reverend. That's Pete. Do you know how much we could make together? Thousands. And all youses gots to doos is ta keep pissing with Pete whilst I take care o' all tha' stock business.

Quote:

I'm very sorry, Reverend. I've been involved with a charity fundraiser event over the past few days so haven't been able to deal with your MTCN. Also, Pustulent has been acting very strangely, so if he's been emailing you, please tell me. I'll see if I can get your MTCN tomorrow when I'm not so wrapped up in trying to bribe the bailiffs to return the fridge.

Peter Coleman

I've said before that one of my goals with scambaiting is to piss them off monumentally. Well, mission accomplished.

Quote:

(To Peter) I WANT YOU TO LISTEN AND LISTEN VERY GOOD.I AM NOT PLEADING TO YOU TO SEND ME MONEY TO EAT FOOD.THE MONEY IS TO SEND YOU THE CHEQUE DRAFT WHICH WAS DROP TO THIS OFFICE BY MR MUSTAPHA GUEI.AND I MUST WARN YOU FOR ONE LAST TIME TO STOP TELLING ME ALL THIS RUBISH MESSAGE WITH YOUR FRIEND AND STOP JOKING WITH MY REPUTATION.IF YOU DONT HAVE MONEY TO SEND FOR ME TO SEND YOU THE PACKAGE THEN STOP DISTURBING MY PEACE.IF YOU LIKE SEND THE MONEY IF YOU DONT BELIEVE THEN STOP WAISTING MY TIME AND KEEEP ON WRITING ME ALL THIS STUPID MESSAGE.PLEASE WITH ALL DUE RESPECT.DONT YOU EVER TRY TO SEND ME ANY RUBISH MTCN CODE OR ELSE I WILL PRAY AGANST YOU..ONE MORE LAST TIME BE CAREFUL WHEN YOU USE ME OR PLAY THAT KIND OF STUPID JOKE WITH YOUR FRIEND.

BEST REGARDS

RV DAVID

Pustulent pushes on...

Quote:

No matter what's goin' on, ah'm beginning the stock takeover whilst Petey's distracted by his fake charity event. Issa scheme wese done cooked up together - raise a buncha dough for the pizza place by conning the public outta their monies by sayings weses gonna done do donates this monies to some bums down the soup kitchen, while weses actually takin's the cash fo' ourselves and the restaurant. If youses is in, you gots to tell me.

...but it's Peter who's beginning to lose patience.

Quote:

What are you wittering on about, you blithering codger? I know perfectly well that you need the money to post the cheque. I'm not an idiot, as you would have me be. Why, it should be I asking you to stop joking with MY reputation! As for Pustulent, I have no clue why you mention him. He has merely been trying to help me help you to help me to help you build a house! That's all I wish to do. Build the house with the money. I never suggested that you might want the money to eat food. Regardless, I must stop here for the moment as Peter's Pizzas is having another charity event today so we will be very busy. I will remind you that all we want is to be your friend and help you in this legitimate matter.

Peter Coleman

Quote:

(To Pustulent) I THINK YOU GUYS ARE FOOLS WITH OUT JOB....

Well, you're half right.

(Images mentioned in the next email can be seen above, courtesy of Connie. Cheers!)

Quote:

A fool without a job, Reverend?! I'll 'ave you know that I be done haved an excellent job in the bleedin' pizza place. We has lotsa dat dough passing through and I done looks after that. Don't believe me? Looks at this proof:

This was da line for da charity event today. Looksee at it! TWO HOURS befores our openings!
We did sold titchy beers in glasses no bigger than a plum for $5 a pop and got a huge amount a cash.
And dis were the crowd from outsides. In fact, it's still going on right now. Dis event, in which we done be conning these peeps outta their moneys for the restaurant, is a huge success. We has jobs. Don't be tellings me that we don't.

So tell me now you have to believe me. What is your answer? Does youses want to helps me take down Peter and gets a whole loadda cash as well?

Then, a few minutes later...

Quote:

Fuck me! It's a bleedin' mad'ouse outside! The crowd are goin' insane!

Quote:

(To Peter) you talk too much,send the money i post you the cheque or stop sending me messqge;

What's really going on? Is the Reverend smarter than he looks? Or will he fall into a trap laid by the true puppet master? To be continued...

Posted: Tue Jul 11, 2017 6:32 pm

@Zagreus- Very cool. Its your bait but again, I love dangling cash. I would send him a quick message telling him you have done 3 cash drops because the registers were getting too full and you put over $100,000.00 USD into a flour sack so far. You do have expenses but the beer is only $25 for a half keg, the pizzas make you $14.00 each and the free anchovies only make people want more beer.

Even though its the next day I would ignore it and make it appear that the fund raiser is still going on and you are still sacking money.

dabop wrote:

I found that by cropping and `squashing' a photo ie resizing it but with different ratios (so make a 640x480 a 640x500) it seems to stuff up image searches- good for making photos not show up

Good idea.

I had a cropped and reversed image of the castle at the Smithsonian Institution stand in for my church on a free website for about 7 years. Literally tens of thousands of lads saw the image and it only led them on.

One thing I have done in the past before I send a lad any photos is to shift the colors over a bit to the orange so that the photo looks amateur, make the image 2300 pixels wide and save it as a BMP. That will strip off the EXIF information embedded in the photo, waste his time and credits on the download and hopefully make the image too large to send to a victim.

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