The (End of the) Adventure of the Saucy Secretary

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Posted: Sat Apr 15, 2017 3:41 pm

For the past week, I've been in contact with one 'Erik Olson' who claims to come from the Olson Financial Group, a real loan company based in Massachusetts.

I don't know if I've scared him off with my most recent email, but the remainder of the correspondence is quite entertaining, and will be updated if Olson responds to the Adventure of the Saucy Secretary.

Quote:

Do you need an urgent loan? We give out Business Loans, Personal Loans,
Student Loans,Car Loans E.t.c ,If you are interested contact us via:
[email protected]

Contact us today for an urgent loan. Contact us via:
[email protected]

I'll just note that he did manage to misspell the email the first time he wrote it.

So, as it happens, I'm quite tired of my job to be honest. I think I want to set out on a new business venture.

Quote:

Dear Olsen Group

I could most certainly do with a loan. Your generous email came just in time. I'm just starting up a new company and could use your investment. Is $230,000 a good amount?

- Xander Zagreus

Then I get the standard 'fill in your details here and send your ID' form, stating that I'll get the Ts and Cs of the loan after I've submitted my data. I want to delay this a bit as I'm knocking up something special for the ID, so I give myself a bit of background.

Quote:

Eric, could I have the terms and conditions first? Only last time I gave someone my info before reading the Ts&Cs I found myself working for Apple Inc.

Xander Zagreus
Head of manufacturing, Apple Inc.

Sent from my iPhone 8

What triggered this flash of inspiration about working for Apple? Olson's last email finished with 'Sent from my iPhone', the mark of a true business professional.

Quote:

It's quite understandable that you don't know more about us. We are legit and clarified lenders and we have never failed in delivering loan to customers.

The transaction is real and we are assuring you that your cooperation matters a lot in this transaction. So please kindly fill The loan application form we sent you for proper processing of your loan

Your urgent response will be needed!!
Regards

Fake details and provocative ID prepared, I respond:

Quote:

There was no doubt in my mind that you were legit! I look forward to you delivering loan.

Name: Xander Paul Zagreus
Current/Permanent Home Address: xxx
Country: USA
Nationality: American
Marital Status: Single
Age: 36
Occupation: Head of manufacturing for Apple Inc.
Home telephone: xxx
Mobile number: xxx
Loan amount: $2.3 million
Payment duration: 5 years
Was emailed your advert
I wish to invest the loan in the manufacturing of Jelly Babies, which are quite difficult to find in the USA. I sampled them on a trip to England. Very tasty.

Scanned ID and photo attached.

Place of work: Apple Inc.
Address: xxx
Position: Head of manufacturing
Income: $20,000/month

Xander Zagreus

Sent from my iPhone 8

And here's the ID I sent: https://postimg.org/image/bg5v49g9f/

I really do wonder what goes through the Lads' heads when they receive something like this, and then:

Quote:

Hello Xander

I Got your email and I want you to know that you are welcome to OLSON FINANCIAL GROUP. I want you to know that this loan can be sent to you as soon as possible but you have to follow due process so that the loan will be sent in good care and the loan will land to your account safely. You are to know that for you to get this loan, you are first to Agree to all of the company's terms and conditions. This is the first step for you to get this loan. This is the terms and Conditions for the loan Which you are to agree and get back to me. So find below the terms and conditions agree and get back to me as soon as possible so that I will tell you the next step of the transaction.

The Ts and Cs were exactly what you'd expect. Repay the loan by the guidelines, provide ID, you must be 18 or over, etcetera etcetera. But the other thing I had to do was provide a next of kin. But what to do...?

And then I remembered a brilliant video I'd seen by comedian James Veitch (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPUq0zkrono).

In this video, he baits a scammer by blaming all his failings on his incompetent secretary/secretaries. So I thought I'd borrow a few ideas from it.

One of the terms and conditions was that I had to take out insurance on the loan. Perhaps I could...I don't know...misunderstand that a little...?

Quote:

Hello Olson Group,

I don't have a next of kin, unfortunately. Bit of a loner, to be honest, and was orphaned at a young age. Was brought up by Granny, but she passed on a couple of years back.

Also, all this talk of insurance, does that include dental? I'm thinking of hiring a secretary for Zagreus Jelly Babies Inc., and I'm sure that a secretary would probably want something along those lines.

Xander Zagreus
CEO of Zagreus Jelly Babies Inc.

Sent from my iPhone 8

Olson doesn't care...

Quote:

Prior to your email,

A next of kin can also be your friend so if you have any close friend, you can provide us with his/her details and also provide us with your full banking information's.

Please get back as soon as possible so that we can proceed to the next step.

...but I'm pretty insistent.

Quote:

Well, I don't have any close friends, but I've just hired Janice as my secretary, so she'll probably do. Sequel to my last email, will the insurance include dental? Janice could do with a few fillings.

Xander Zagreus
CEO of Zagreus Jelly Babies Inc.

Sent from my iPhone 8

Quote:

Okay make the fillings and get back.

Should probably get round to that next of kin thing, eh? Well, not if Janice has any say in it.

Quote:

Suggested the fillings to Janice; turns out what I thought were holes were actually bits of pepper stuck to her teeth. Offended, Janice is now on strike, so I've hired Kevin instead, so you should probably put him down as the next of kin instead - at least while Janice is refusing to answer the phone.

Xander Zagreus
CEO of Zagreus Jelly Babies Inc.

Quote:

Please fill the next of kin form properly with whosever that is close to you that you want so that we can proceed to the next step.

--
ERIK OLSON
Show original message

Ooh-er, I think someone's beginning to get impatient. Shall we continue to mess with him...?

Yep, I think so.

Quote:

Janice says she'll start working again if I give her a salary raise. Can I up the loan to $3.4 million, please?

Xander Zagreus
CEO of Zagreus Jelly Babies Inc.

Quote:

We can offer your loan at any range as far you can repay back our loan no problem about that. But we need the next of kin form to be filled properly so we can move to the next step of this deal.

Await positive response from you
Regards

Quote:

Kevin's got wind of Janice's raise, and he wants equal pay as well. He says he's going to cancel our glucose imports if I don't give him a raise too. Better make that loan $4.5 million, then.

Janice should be sending her next-of-kin details to this email address now. If you haven't received anything in two hours, email me back as she has no idea how computers work and Kevin won't teach her.

Xander Zagreus
CEO of Zagreus Jelly Babies Inc.

Surprise, surprise, Janice doesn't send the form.

Quote:

Increasing your loan to 4.5million is not a problem but the repayment plan of the loan. Regarding to your question I haven't received any next of kin form and I'm still waiting to receive them from you as soon as possible

Respond to me once you get this mail

Now I'm left with a dilemma regarding Janice's fate.

Or, rather, we are.

Quote:

We may have made a mistake hiring Janice. I found the form you gave me in the bin with a note scribbled on it in lipstick: "Name: Janice Hooper, Place of work: Hell". Now that Kevin's been given his raise he says he'll fill in the form instead, so you should get that within the hour. But, Erik, that still leaves you and I with the problem of Janice. Do you think we should fire her?

Email me if you don't get the form.

Quote:

Well I'm not in the best position to tell you if you will sack her or not, but I will try and advice you as a brother to give her one more chance but if the same thing happens again you can do to her whatever you want.

Please I still await the next of kin form to be filled as soon as possible!

Goody-goody, I've always wanted a brother (I actually already have one, but oh well).

Quote:

Erik, I much appreciate your advice. Janice is staying on board for now. She makes a great cup of tea, which is very difficult here in America as you well know (should probably charge the teabags to the expenses). I might fire Kevin, though, as it seems as though he's been deleting my emails (part of his salary strike) including the one which had all the next-of-kin form details in. Could you resend that form?

Xander Zagreus
CEO of Zagreus Jelly Babies Inc.

Quote:

Alright that's you own choice to make OK! Below is the next of kin form fill and return back as soon as possible.

REQUIRED DETAILS OF NEXT OF KIN:

Kindly provide the details of your next of kin as required below;

Name of next of kin:

Address of next of kin:

Place of work:

Age:

Await your urgent response

With Janice perhaps mentally disturbed, I think that Kevin's probably the best option to be my next-of-kin (the delay apology is because I was out all day).

Quote:

I must apologise for the delay. Kevin lost the keys to the office so we couldn't get in. I had to break a window, so I'm deducting the repair bill from his salary. He says he's considering strike action.

Name: Kevin Hemsworth
Address: xxx
Place of work: xxx
Age: 33

Xander Zagreus
CEO of Zagreus Jelly Babies Inc

I get the standard bank details form.

Now, I'm somewhat interested to see if this is a Lad with a fake bank as well, to see if I can make use of that in any capacity to wind him up.

Quote:

I've been doing some research into laws regarding bank accounts and business, because so far I've been using my personal account, but apparently it's regarded as fraud to use any business expenses for personal use, and I don't want to risk that, so it looks as though I'm going to need a new account. Do you have any suggestions of good banks for business?

Also, I think Janice might be having an affair with Kevin.

Xander Zagreus
CEO of Zagreus Jelly Babies Inc.

Sadly, he doesn't, and instead, presents me with an alternative solution:

Quote:

Well that's your choice to make but we still have another alternative in transferring the loan to you and we can also transfer your loan to you through western union

What do you say about it?

What do I say about it?

Quote:

I say it's ghastly. Kevin has a wife, so he's cheating on her for Janice. Of course, it's not my business, so unless it affects their work, I have no reason to fire either of them.

And that's where our correspondence has concluded for now. I think I'm going to try and email him again with a 'proper' answer, but regardless, it has been very entertaining making up the antics of my incompetent staff, even if I didn't quite get to the bit where I catch Janice and Kevin in the stationery cupboard.

Which I still might.

Posted: Sat Apr 15, 2017 6:26 pm

A good start, Zagreus. Only one thing...
You sent him a fake ID

Quote:

I really do wonder what goes through the Lads' heads when they receive something like this

Probably: "Hmm, nice ID. I can easily use this in my next scam"

I have received much worse ID's from lads. Not everybody will recognize this as fake so we NEVER send any fake ID's.

Posted: Sat Apr 15, 2017 7:13 pm

Removed unnecessary full quote of previous post. Think of this as a conversation. - bware419ers

Ah. Well, thanks for the tip. Won't do that again.

Posted: Sun Apr 16, 2017 2:53 am

With the lead asked you for ID, here's what you can do instead. Find the largest DLL file on your computer. Make a copy of it and rename it ID.JPG. Send it to him. He either won't be able to open the large file on his phone, or he will waste a bunch of Internet credits opening it on the computer at the Internet café. Either way, you have complied with his request without sending anything that he can reuse. And hopefully you have annoyed him and cost him some resources as well.

Posted: Sun Apr 16, 2017 6:27 am

Removed unnecessary full quote of previous post. We see it right up there. - bware419ers

Brilliant! Absloutely brilliant.

Posted: Sun Apr 16, 2017 3:25 pm

Looks as though Olson has taken my bait. He says that he's going to pass me on to his attorney, who will give me a contract to sign. The adventure continues...

Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2017 7:34 pm

We pick up from where we left off last time, with Mr Zagreus feeling ever so silly...

Quote:

Kevin has just pointed out that I have misread your email! I think that Western Union would be good, yes.

Olson is slow to reply, but eventually, he takes the bait.

Quote:

Prior to your email,

Our attorney will provide you with the contract document for signing. Once he is through preparing it then we will get back to you.

He's so slow with the contract that I have to poke him a little.

Quote:

Hello, we don't seem to have received the contract yet. Please send at your earliest convenience as Janice gets very crabby when we run out of Oreos and our funds are drying up.

Xander Zagreus
CEO of Zagreus Jelly Babies Inc.

And eventually, it comes.

Quote:

Hello Xander Paul Zagreus,

Attached herein is the prepared contract document by our attorney and you are expected to print, sign, scan and return a copy back to us.

You are been charged to pay 1350usd for idemnity bond to conclude the processing of your loan amount ( 4,500,000usd ) for transfer and this fee cannot be deducted from the loan capital because your loan has been insured such that no deduction can be done from it.

Thirdly, your loan amount will be transferred from spain as they are in charge of the processing. so please kindly sign and get back so that we can proceed to the next step by telling you how to go about the payment.

We await your swift response to this email.
Erik Olson

And it's right here: http://docdro.id/dZbvsRq

I must say, I'm quite impressed. I think that could definitely fool a few people.

Only, I think it's about time we started stalling a bit more, eh?

Quote:

Did you receive the loan contract/agreement document I sent to you???

Quote:

Mr Olson, I must confess that we have received no such document. I checked all our email accounts myself just in case Janice or Kevin had missed anything, but the only email we received today was regarding a meeting we're supposed to be having in Massachusetts next week about import licenses. You could try sending an email to Janice at hooperjanice@(xxx) and see if she picks it up (She's just figured out how the mouse works).

Xander Zagreus
CEO of Zagreus Jelly Babies Inc.

Again, Olson sends the document, quite insistently. Little does he know of a terrible incident that has occurred...

Quote:

Dear sir or madman
I must apologise. My name is Janice, and I'm Mr Zagreus's secretary. He was going to sign your loan contract today but there was an accident in his officer where I accidentally spilled boiling hot tea all over him. I'm about to leave the office, having visited Mr Z in hospital. He gave me permission to use his computer to contact you, but seeing as I must shut it down so as not to waste electricity, you'll have to contact me at hooperjanice@(xxx) from now on because Mr Z can't wright because the tea went all over his hands and burns them. Because of this, Mr Z can't sign your contract for the next few days, or respond to your emails, so I'll be doing that. My boyfriend Kevin is teaching me how to use cum putrids, which I'm not too familiar with, especially the keyboard and typing and that. Mr Z did ask if there was an alternative to signing the contract or a way we could move forward without doing so, and to respond at your dirtiest convenience, though it was difficult to understand him at that moment as he was hopping around the Doctor's office in pain. Really verry sorry about this.

Awaiting your urgent response

Janice Hooper
Secret tart of Zagreus Jelly Beans Ink.

Now, I had actually created Janice's email, intending to reply as her for the next few days. Only...

Quote:

We are so sorry about the incident and we send our greetings. We tried sending the loan contract and it's seems not going through the email you gave to us. Please provide us with another email addresses in which we can contact and send to you the contract for signing.

Please respond asap.

As such, my only choice was to introduce our third player with another email address.

Quote:

Hello Mr Olson,

My name is Kevin, and I work for Mr Zagreus. Janice can't access her emails at the moment so you can forward the contract and instructions of how to proceed onto me. I wish us great luck and friendship in this transaction, as I am looking forward to continuing our business venture together.

Kevin Hemsworth
Personal Assisstant to Mr Zagreus

P.S.

Janice told me that she told you what happened to Mr Zagreus. We've been informed since then he'll be back to work soon, as he's had his hands in an ice bath for the past three hours which has helped his recovery dramatically.

Olson sends the contract twice before asking what's going on.

Quote:

We need a response to our previous mail we sent you

But yet another office disaster has gotten in the way of the signing of the contract.

Quote:

My dear Mr Olson, I must apologise profusely for the delay in signing the contract as it's been a hectic past few days. I came back from my days off with the full intention of doing so, went to print off the paper and found Kevin and Janice having sex on top of the photocopier. So naturally, I fired them immediately.

My hands were still too damaged yesterday to write to you explaining this (as Kevin nor Janice could not, being fired), so I went out and found two new secretaries, Chris and Romana. Can't help but think they look strangely familiar, though...

Anyway, I will get that contract printed and on its way to you immediately.

Apologies again!

Xander Zagreus
CEO of Zagreus Jelly Babies Inc.

Quote:

In regards to your email,

We will be waiting for the signed copy of the contract document so that we can proceed to the next step as providing you with the payment details on how to make the charge.

We await your swift response asap
Erik olson

I let him stew for a couple of days.

Quote:

We await the signed copy of the contract so that we can proceed to the next step.

Regards

Quote:

This is most strange. I'm certain I sent it. I'll try again.

Quote:

Please try to send again so that we can proceed to the next step.

We await your quick response.

And now...

...to begin to unpack the lies.

Quote:

I'm sorry, Mr Olson, but this document just does not want to send. Tell you what - I notice from your website that your offices are in Massachusetts. Coincidentally, myself, Chris and Romana are heading up there on Wednesday for a discussion about import licenses. I'll swing by your offices and drop off the contract by hand. That way, interfering computers can't get in the way. Speaking of which, I think Kevin might have tampered with the system before he left the building for the final time. Maybe that's got something to do with it...oh well, I'm no expert. See you on Wednesday!

Xander Zagreus
CEO of Zagreus Jelly Babies Inc.

Posted: Tue May 02, 2017 2:35 pm

In this next part, things take a turn for the bizarre on the side of poor Mr Zagreus. But nothing's going to stop him from getting his loan - and a nice trophy to go with it...!

Quote:

Prior to your email,

I am sure you have forgotten that i told you that your loan transactions is been processed from our branch office in spain and if you go to our head office they wont answer you so it is better you liste to me and try your best to send the contract so that we can proceed to the next step. Hope you understand this???

"Liste" to you...? I'll do no such thing. I used srichards' DLL file trick to send him a 'PDF' in the hope that Olson will find it broken and Mr Zagreus will have to pop round to the Olson Financial Group in order to hand in the contract.

Quote:

This is my seventh attempt, so maybe this one will get through. If it doesn't, I'll head to your offices on Wednesday anyway, as they might be able to help anyway.

Sadly...

Quote:

We just received signed document and it is really clear you are serious and you are ready to complete this deal with us. In-order for us to proceed. You will now have to pay 1350usd for indemnity bond charge to process your loan ( 4,500,000.00usd ) for transfer and a lawyer will also stand for you there in Spain to sign the authentication document there in Spain before your loan can be sent to you.

So let us know your decision towards this so that i ca give you the payment details on how to send the 1350usd.

I await your quick response

Go go gadget delaying tactics!

Quote:

Please we need a response to proceed from you.

Quote:

My deepest apologies, Mr Olson! Myself, Chris and Romana have been travelling all day as we have an important meeting tomorrow in Massachusetts. Glad that the contract finally got through. We are very much ready to proceed. We'll be popping by your offices tomorrow whilst we're in the state for a chat (Chris seems to think your website says that you don't actually offer loans, but I personally think he's just playing a prank on me) - Romana makes excellent tea, so you'll be in for a real treat!

Xander Zagreus
CEO of Zagreus Jelly Babies Inc.

And the fun begins.

Quote:

Are you on google hangout???

Quote:

Please i need you to be responding to me as fast as you can now because i need to make you understand many things.

I read the emails as soon as I received them - and of course, did not reply. As this is one of my very first baits, I've just discovered the immense sense of satisfaction gained from the knowledge that you can leave your lad in a real panic for a day. Who knew baiting would be this much fun...?

Oh well. If only Mr Olson had actually been in...

Quote:

My dear Mr Olson, I did not realise that you were on a business trip! We called by your office this morning, but your receptionist Shirley told us that you were out of the country at the moment. I don't recall where she said, but I hope that you're having a good time. I suppose that's what you needed me to understand (though I don't quite know why you needed us to have Google Hangouts in order to tell us that)? Also, Shirley was a little confused about why we were there in the first place - but I seem to recall you saying something about this loan coming from a tree rather than the main offices...? Something along those lines. Anyway, we also had the import licenses meeting, and I'm very pleased to say that our imports will be shipped soon - from Spain of all places! I didn't think that the glucose industry was particularly large over there, but what do I know, eh?

Xander Zagreus
CEO of Zagreus Jelly Babies Inc.

(I have an eventual plan to get 'Shirley' involved as well. Ha ha ha.)

Quote:

How are you peter?

Prior to your email, I am out of the country for a business trip and I told you earlier on our previous emails that your loan will be transferred from Spain branch because they are the ones in charge of the loan.

As I speak to you now, your loan amount is almost ready for transfer but before we can proceed to that stage, you will have to pay the 1350 usd charge for the indemnity bond fee of the processing, imf and the authentication charge.

So we will be needing your response to this so that we can furnish you with the payment details on how to pay the charge in the next email.

We await your quick response
Erik olson

...ah.

It took me halfway through the next day until I realised exactly what he'd just said.

Quote:

You are delaying this deal and it's not proper. We need to proceed to the next step.please get back asap.

Quote:

Mr Olson, you ask me how I am, and I'm rather insulted. You are disregarding my own personal life which can get in the way of my work, and in your last email, you referred to me as 'Peter'. My name is not Peter. It is Xander Paul Zagreus, as in Zagreus Jelly Babies Inc., as in the Xander Zagreus who signed your blessed contract, as in the Xander Zagreus with whom you have been in correspondence for the past few weeks. I have done all that you ask, no matter how much frustration it has caused me, and you repay me by insulting my good name? Is this 'Peter' another client who is potentially going to give you a larger profit from interest? Or does your organisation have such little regard for its customers that it frequently mixes them up?

So, in response to your rudeness, I must say that I have quite forgotten what I was supposed to do with that money (Chris says it was $4500, that sounds about right), and would be very grateful if you could do your loyal client the courtesy of reminding him of the details of the process. Or, depending on my satisfaction with your reply, I may choose to use another service. I've had a lot of these kinds of emails of late, so I'm sure that one of those other businesses would greatly benefit from my customership.

XANDER ZAGREUS
CEO of ZAGREUS Jelly Babies Inc.

That slap felt good.

Quote:

Hello Xander Paul Zagreus,

We are really sorry for the mis-conception and i must let you know that your gmail account comes with a registered name ( Peter Coleman ) and that was why i called you peter and dont be angry about that because we have come this far and you are a loyal client.

We are here to serve you better and please we are not rude for we are humble, reliable and trustworthy. So do not be worried and do not doubt us for our services is legit. The charge againt you is 1350usd and not 4500usd. In order for us to proceed with the processing, you are to make the payment to our officer in spain to enable continuity and completion of the deal for the transfer.

So lets us know your decision towards this so that we can proceed by furnishing you with the payment details on how to send the 1350usd.

We await your soonest response
Regards

Quote:

It is my turn to apologise, Mr Olson. The internet in our office wasn't working yesterday so I could not respond. However, I still require details of the transaction. Where do I need to send this money?

Quote:

I received your email and we are pleased to tell you that you are few steps to the conclusion of the deal. You are to send the 1350 usd to our correspondent via western union money transfer for ease confirmation and below is the western union details.

Western union details:

Receivers name: ATU HENRY OFELE
Receivers country : Spain
Amount to send : 1350 usd

Please you are expected to get back together with the mtcn and the payment slip after you have made the payment and please we need you to try to make this payment soonest so that we can proceed to the final step.

Once we have received and confirmed the payment, I will ask our transferring bank to send you the POF and MT 103 code to let you know when you will receive your loan funds and other informations will be giving to you.

We await the payment from you soonest.
Erik olson

I can have fun with that.

Quote:

Dear Henry Ofele,

I will be out of town for the next two days as I'm going up to Las Vegas for my old secretaries' wedding. Janice and Kevin are getting married and they invited me as a way of apology for their saucy shenanigans (their words, not mine), so when I get back on Tuesday I'll do that Western Union thingy that you wanted. Hang tight until then; I'm just off to the bank to withdraw the cash.

Xander Zagreus
CEO of Zagreus Jelly Babies Inc.

(In fairness, I was actually on holiday with dodgy internet for the past few days, so I thought it best to warn him)

Quote:

Prior to your email,

We will be waiting for the receipt of payment on Tuesday as you said so that we can proceed to the next step.

Regards

For the next part, I must thank Otterfan for their great thread in Eater University. Why? Because there's trouble at the WU (and back in the office)...

Quote:

Mr Olson, I have much to tell you, so bear with me in this email.

On Sunday, I attended the wedding as planned. Chris and Romana came along with me, having told me that it would be a good opportunity for them to do some market research. To my utter astonishment, when it came to them dropping me off at the church, they walked in with me, splashed some water on their faces to remove some make-up and pulled their wigs off!

It was Janice and Kevin the entire time!

Of course, I saw the funny side. It was quite an excellent wheeze on their part. They had me totally fooled that they were different people, working as my secretary and PA! We laughed heartily about it after the marriage ceremony and went out for drinks, where we were, in fact, able to do the market research as originally planned! There seems to be quite a large demand for oregano-flavored jelly babies (who knew?), so we'll be certainly taking that into consideration when we go into production.

Regardless, I suppose that I should probably tell you how things went when I attended the Western Union today. It was quite an extraordinary series of events.

As per your instructions, I went to the WU with the money, filled in all the necessary forms and stood in line at the counter. When I handed everything over, I was told that your correspondent was, in fact, on a list of suspicious individuals who have supposedly been involved in con activities, and thus my transaction would be blocked unless I could produce sufficient evidence of the non-fraudulent nature of my inquiries. I must admit that at this point I was getting quite worked up, and this resulted in quite a heated argument, and, to my great shame, a bout of fisticuffs. Security was called, and I was dragged up to the manager's office.

He, Mr Spot, explained to me how company policy was block these kind of money transfers if they considered an individual or their stories to be suspicious. Outraged, I told him how you were a legitimate business associate with whom I have been in contact for quite some time now. I even showed him your website. Spot told me that the flag could only be overridden with absolute proof of the identity of the receiver of the payment. I asked him what that would require. His request was most unusual.

I need a photo of your business associate. But not just any photo, he told me - it would have to be a clear photo of him holding a sign with some obvious, readable slogan on it that I could attribute to our relationship.

I thought this was completely ridiculous. After all, here he is, Mr Spot, just delaying the transaction. But he was quite insistent. So, if we are to use Western Union, then I require the photo of your associate. It was agreed that the sign must be labelled "Zagreus sits inside your head".

If I can get this photo to Mr Spot within 48 hours, then you can have your money and we can be on our way with this loan! After all, jelly babies don't pay for themselves, eh...?

I must apologise if this causes you any inconvenience, but I too am frustrated by this intolerable delay. Please make haste with your response!

Xander Zagreus
CEO of Zagreus Jelly Babies Inc.

The final part of this week's exchange is his response.

Quote:

Prior to your email,

You know very well that we are legit and guaranteed and the allegation put before our correspondent is a false one. It might be that the person they think bears the same name with him and it is no doubt that people bears the same name. So our correspondent doesn't involve in fraudulent activities.

Mr Henry who is to receive the money is on a tour to turkey right now and if you believe our transaction then you have to look for another western union shop to pay this charge as fast as you can or probably use the money gram office.

There is no time to waste. Please do as I tell you so that we can proceed.

I await your quick response

Problems.

a) Western Union is probably going to have this information in all of their outlets.

b) Moneygram and Western Union most likely collaborate with this kind of information.

c) I'm not going home without a trophy!

To be continued...

Posted: Wed May 03, 2017 2:14 pm

You'll need to ask when Henry is going to be back in Spain, obviously you can't send the money until he gets back, how would he be able to pick it up?

Posted: Sat May 06, 2017 8:41 pm

It's the end, but the moment has been prepared for. Olson has been a fun lad to bait, and held on to his lies until the very end. But that you shall see in just a moment, as I tell you exactly how the Adventure of the Saucy Secretary came to a close.

Quote:

Mr Olson, I must raise two issues with your previous email. First of all, though I have absolutely no doubts about the legitimacy of this transaction, Western Union does. And thus, it stands to reason that the misinformation on your associate will be available to every single Western Union outlet. Therefore, Western Union can only be used with that form of identity I spoke of earlier. Secondly, you have given me no details of Moneygram. Is it the same system? What are Mr Ofeel's details? If I am to use Moneygram, I shall need that information. Get it to me within the hour and I can be sending you your money by the end of the working day.

Xander Zagreus

Quote:

You can send the 1350 usd using the same details for moneygram and below is the details again.

Below is the money gram details.

Money Gram Details:

Receivers name: Hxxx OFELE
Receivers country: Spain
Address: xxx

Please try as much as you can to make the payment today and get back with the receipt for confirmation of payment.

We await the payment from you soonest.
Regards

I am desperate to get my trophy. My ultimate goal is to have a string of lads giving me the entire Zagreus poem (probably worth a google). Spoilers, though, Olson is firmly resistant.

Quote:

Mr Olson, I went to Moneygram, but they say that they have blocked all transfers to Mr Ofeeley's name and he is under suspension from the scheme. I asked why, and they say that they collaborate with WU to get names of purported con artists, only their policy is much stricter as they completely refuse to take money at all. Looks as though it will have to be Western Union. I'm sure Mr Ofeeley won't mind about the photo. It'll take him 10 minutes, and you can get your money quickly and this business can continue.

Xander Zagreus
CEO of Zagreus Jelly Babies Inc.

Quote:

It is quiet understandable that western union might be in search of one OFELE but the truth of the matter which I must say again is that our correspondent does not involve in any fraudulent act as all our workers represent the legit name our company has.

I told you that he is on a business tour to turkey and our company work on a reliable platform such that confidential details of workers are been kept private because of what we have experienced before. since it has come to this then I would advice we give you another correspondent name there in Spain to receive the money or another correspondent who is in India to receive the money now. What will you say to this???

I await your quick response

Quote:

Mr Olson, that's a great idea! Give me the details and I'll head down there as soon as possible.

Quote:

Go and send the 1350usd to this correspondent of ours below via western union money transfer.

Western union details:

Receivers name: Exxx diamond
Receivers address: xxx, Spain

So go and make the payment fast and get back with the receipt for confirmation.

We await the payment from you

Now, as I promised earlier, Shirley, the 'real' secretary of the real Mr Olson, was to make an appearance. And so she does at last. To differentiate, from now on, Zagreus will be blue , Olson will be red, Kevin will be indigo and Shirley green.

Shirley's purpose is basically to scare Olson, perhaps pushing him for a confession - or to see his lies spiral out of control.

Quote:

Mr Olson,

You should have told me you'd changed your email! I've been sending you paperwork for days, so I doubt you've picked it up. We had another call from that Janice girl who's spinning some batty story about some loan we're supposedly giving her boss, one Xander Zagreus. He actually came into the office last Wednesday! I neglected to tell you because I thought they were just being a nuisance, so I told them that you were on a business trip to get the prats to shove off. They're being very insistent, though - you'd have thought they'd give up by now, considering they should full well know we don't actually do loans, but I think that Janice just calls up every day because she wants someone to talk to. Do you think you could drop his PA, Kevin a line and tell him to knock it off? I got his email from Janice: [email protected].

Also the Chuckle Brothers came by again today. You might want to stop avoiding them.

Cheers,
Shirley

Quote:

Do not say a word to them whatsoever. Always tell them to contact me here.

Returning to Zagreus...

Quote:

Bad news, Mr Olson. I filled in all the forms again and went to the counter, but was told by the guy on duty that all of my transactions will be blocked unless I can provide proof of ID of the receiver because they think that the person who is 'scamming' me will use different aliases to try to take my money without suspicion. I objected again, but was told firmly that I'd be banned completely unless I could produce the ID.

Mr Olson. I need a photo of one of your associates holding the sign as stated before or this business transaction is finished. I don't make the rules, and I'm very angry at the moment. I might sue WU if I had the money.

Xander Zagreus
CEO of Zagreus Jelly Babies Inc.

His response was one of the greatest things that I have ever read in my life. Prepare yourself for a huge wadge of text.

Quote:

Dear Xander Zagreus,

I have counseled several of our customers who were able to confide in me. So I know what you are talking about. Miscreants hijacked the process of genuine offers like this to cajole innocent people. I am afraid that with the type of confidence that the internet communication is losing the major goal of E communication which is making the world a global village will be gradually eroded. I think it is rather unfortunate that you will be entertaining doubts at this stage of the transaction after all I have proven to you.

I can tell you that I am the one who is physically present and I have put in a lot of my time, effort and resources to ensure that your LOAN APPLICATION is successful. I will not try to persuade you to complete your loan application process, because it is your own choice to make. However, I want you to keep in mind that the only reason why some people are richer than the others is because of the risks they are willing to take. Personally, I will advise you not to follow your instincts, and even you will be proven wrong when you receive your LOAN FUND upon REMITTING OF THIS FEE. We understand the entire situation

Considering the fact that we receive calls on a daily basis from concerned individuals regarding this same issue. The problem of fraud is a worldwide phenomenon, and on our part we are taking concrete steps to combat this menace. Behind every fraud, there is always a legitimate organization that these fraudsters attempt to imitate and we have not been an exception in this case, because some person or persons have been impersonating our staff and organization to perpetuate fraudulent activities.

Therefore, I want you to know that your insinuative comment towards this office is obviously misdirected. It might interest you to know that we are presently in partnership with relevant anti-fraud agencies in Europe in combating internet fraudulent activities, therefore, how then can we have anything to do with such act? Please continue to be on your guard in such matters. Definitely if i was in your shoes i will take the same stand. I know exactly how you feel but it may not seem as you think. You are feeling this is one of the hoaxes you hear of or have experienced. Life is an Irony, sometimes you meet with bad people first and when you meet the genuine once, you tend to generalize, 'all are bad', opportunity lost. Definitely it is not your fault because as the saying goes if you stumble twice against one stone, it is a proverbial disgrace. Yes, you need to be prudent but a second look is allowed. You may believe it or not, it does not change the truth. In life there are things that seem right but at the end they do not lead to success, where as some other things may not seem right but such lead to success at the end. So basically, result from events does not always come, as they seem to us.

It is unfortunate that proposals sent through the Internet are viewed with Skepticism because of the abuse of this medium, You should be aware that there are genuine proposals sent through this medium, but i will quickly agree with you that there is a lot of scam perpetrated by miscreants as i have come to know recently. You mention something in your last mail, which suggests extreme doubt. Please do not follow us in this transaction with doubt. I will prefer we do not go further than have you following us with the burden of doubt in your mind. So make up your mind. I occupy a lucrative position in my company and cannot afford to contact you with what is not, you may not have the opportunity i have in the financial world. I want to let you know more about myself so that you will be rest assured of whom you are transacting with. My full names are Erik Olson , Graduated with a degree in finance from Boston College Certified in Long-Term Care (CLTC) Investment Adviser Representative, Commonwealth Financial Network® Registered Representative, Commonwealth Financial Network Certified Fund Specialist® (CFS®) and a Member of Executive Committee of OLSON FINANCIAL GROUP and attached herein is my passport for verification of myself.

I was accredited for attainment of excellence in operation of international money lending/loan by the America credit and loan association. We are a certified and accredited loan agency. We are legitimate and have what other loan firm don’t have. Note that i have been plain with you from the very beginning so that we will not have disagreement in the middle of this transaction. You must as a matter of policy in view of this transaction jettison any doubt out of your mind. You told us that western union is requesting we provide you with the photo id card of the receiver and we are very sure that no western union will ask for that. so please we are not joking here and if you must get your loan then you need to coperate with us and do as we tell you.

I urge you to try your best to get things done. Let me tell you, if you look at the constraint every human being has financially no matter the level you will not be able to do anything. Big firms and corporations do borrow money even the government do also to accomplish one goal or the other. You have to find a way of getting things around. For any task you find lay before you, you have to think of the very best options to accomplishing it. Do not put up a defeatist attitude towards it rather wake up your thinking faculty and get the best solution available, making a sacrifice which is a veritable tool of determination to achieve a goal in life. Opportunity is like a light that flashes in within a very short time period and goes and if you do not take advantage of it while it subsisted, you may likely lose it forever. Personally i am always awake to this realization that is why i do not joke with any opportunity that opens up.

Your Co-Operation Is Highly Needed..

Thanks and God Bless You
We await your swift response

Well, I know who I'm going to if I ever need life advice. I'm not linking the passport 'cause it was your standard fare. Picture ripped straight from the real Olson's site in a Microsoft Paint job.

But Zagreus doesn't respond.

Quote:

How are you?

Please let me know your decision towards my previous email.

Regards

Luckily, who else but Kevin is on hand to explain what's been going on?

Quote:

Hello Mr Olson,

You may recall me (Kevin, Mr Zagreus' PA) from previous correspondence. I write to you now because it is with deep regret that I must tell you that Mr Zagreus has had an accident, and it's somewhat more serious than a pot of tea on his hands. He's had a heart attack.

The doctors tell me that he was on his way to work when it happened and he crashed his car. Luckily he's OK and in a stable condition, but he won't be working for a few days whilst he recovers.

Regardless, I'm taking it upon myself to finish this transaction. I'm taking the money and ID to our local Western Union. I'll email you when I get back.

Kevin Hemsworth
PA to Mr Zagreus

Some of you may have already seen the next message received. Why? Because it showed up in my 419eater PMs.

Quote:

Please complete your story about mr olson it interesting

I asked around a bit for advice. Here, I must thank my mentor, Inspector Gadget, for encouraging me to carry on and disregard 419eater as a hacker site if it ever came up in conversation (and oh boy, yes it does).

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

Quote:

So sorry about his condition. We awaits the payment to proceed.

Quote:

We awaits the payment from you!!!

Quote:

I'm very sorry, Mr Olson. The traffic downtown was utterly ludicrous! Whatsmore, I was told at the Western Union that you've sent me the wrong ID. It is supposed to be of your associate, not you personally. Mr Zagreus told me yesterday about his adventures in the Western Union, and how you need to send the photo of your associate with that sign, whatever it said on it.

Our business account is blocked from any transactions at the moment because of this, and we have money to send to other organisations!

Please send the photo at your earliest convenience.

Kevin Hemsworth
PA to Mr Zagreus

Quote:

I don't still understand what you and your master is driving at. This is a reputable and a legit company and you can't be toying with us about. Western union cannot request for a receivers identity card for it has been long, we have been into this business.

You have been to our office and you have verified everything and I can't expect all these from you.

We are not here to joke nor play and I will let you know that if you are really serious to complete this deal then you will go and pay the fee and get back with the receipt. If you confide in us to complete this deal then we will help you archive your goal but if you are not ready then we can't force you.

Our legitbility cannot make us go so low for people to be toying with. So it's now your choice. Pay the fee or we can't proceed.

Please let us know your decision towards this.

Quote:

Olson, I am sure that it is in both our interests to keep the other party happy. The trouble is that you are making no effort to do so.

We are doing our level best to do absolutely everything you have asked of us, despite all of the roadblocks. Mr Zagreus has been very stressed by all of this, which may have been a contributing factor to his heart attack.

We are not joking when we say that we wish this deal to go through smoothly, and yet you are standing in the way of it - and as a result of your failure to comply, we cannot use Western Union for any of our business transactions (of which there are many) until you have supplied the necessary identification that Mr Zagreus has told you about in previous correspondence.

In fact, this reluctance to do so makes me wonder whether you are a trustworthy party, or, indeed, are just attempting to scam us out of our money as you denied to Mr Zagreus. I have taken the executive decision to end this transaction, meaning you won't get your money, unless you provide an image of your business associate holding a sign with the words "Zagreus sits inside your head" written clearly on it in black pen. It is unbelievably simple, and a refusal to do so is as much a confession of guilt in my book as "How I Did It" by Jack the Ripper.

Please understand this from a business perspective, Mr Olson, as you are a businessman yourself.

Kevin Hemsworth
PA to Mr Zagreus

Quote:

Mr Olson, I shan't be in tomorrow as I'm getting my nails done. Oh, and I'm getting very annoyed by Janice, so please tell her to stop calling! It's driving me batshit. The Chuckle Brothers are also coming in for their meeting tomorrow as well so make sure you've filled in the paperwork I sent you.

Shirley

Quote:

I received your email and the content was well noted, Zagreus should understand that this is a reputable company and to disclose confidential details of our workers is not welcomed here because we are protecting our image but to proof to you that the receiver is legit then we have attached the photo of hers to show you.

We are really sorry about Zagreus condition and we pray God heals him soonest. Shirley told me that Janice has been calling. Please and please the transaction is still on and it has not been fully processed and for this i want you to stop distubing shirley and all discussion and questions should be directed to me here on mail.

I are doing this to build trust and also to let you know that we are not fraudsters. This is a reputable firm and your coperation will make this deal a success. so if you are willing to finish this deal then you should go and pay the charge ( 1350usd ) now and get back with the receipt and below is the details again.

Western union details

Receivers Name: Exxx diamond
Receivers Address: xxx, Spain

You are expected to get back with the receipt after the payment.

Note: If there is still difficulty in sending the fee via western union then we can provide you with the bank account details of our lawyer who is in turkey now representing us.

So please get back with a response soonest.

We await your soonest response
Show original message

Again, I won't bother showing the ID. I thought that I was at a high risk of losing him if I asked him again for my trophy, so I thought it best just to accept the ID as is. But note the mention of Shirley and Janice up above...

Quote:

I'm heading out to Western Union now, and I think that this time, it will have been a successful transaction when I email back (I'd estimate in about an hour).

Quote:

Mr Olson, it is with deepest pride and greatest pleasure that I can tell you that the transfer has been successful, and your associate can collect the money! The details are as follows:

Name: Xander Zagreus
Country: United States
MTCN: 1789554371

I await your confirmation of receiving the money.

Quote:

Please provide us with the reciept for confirmation.

Time to bring out the ol' .dll files again, I think.

Quote:

Not sure if the receipt went through correctly, so here it is again.

Quote:

Please snap the receipt and send it or attach it for proof and documentation because the mtcn is been tracked and it's no matched found.

To continue your recipe for Roast Lad, make sure to leave him to stew for 24 hours until he's nice 'n' hot.

Quote:

What's taking your time to send the receipt???

Re-enter Shirley, who ain't happy:

Quote:

Janice just called me. Again. Did you actually tell Hemsworth to get her to stop or is she just an idiot?

Shirley

Quote:

I told them to stop disturbing you and do not respond to any of their calls whatsoever.

The plan was to eventually have Shirley email Kevin. To be frank, I'm not sure to what end, or what results I was trying to achieve, but it was an idea and I was enjoying the thought of the lad trying to talk his way out of this one. However, as you will see, it was sadly not meant to be.

Quote:

Mr Olson, you must understand that the email you are contacting is my work email. When the working day is over, I go home and don't look at it until the next day. Therefore you cannot expect me to be in constant communication with you.

Anyway, I have sent you the receipt. Several times. You must have missed it. The MTCN is correct, as noted on the receipt. I'll attach it again for you now.

Well, at least my original aim (to piss off scammers) is coming to fruition.

Quote:

It is crystal clear and mutually observed that you and zagreus are not serious because you have tendered a wrong mtcn number and a fake attach that has no link proof of verification.

We have detected with our few time via online engine search that you and your master is playing with us because zagreus has been playing on our intelligence by narrating and gisting people about us perpetuating scam.

I want you to know that our legibility still stands and you people are not the only customers we have and we can't beg you to complete this deal with us. We have our company license and I can't see reasons why clients will say we are scam.

We have not defrauded anybody in the past but people will rather say that we are the best and have never failed. So I will advise you and zagreus to go and get a loan from your designated bank in your country because you are terminating our image and we can't continue to deal with unserious people like you and zagreus.

If you really need a loan then you will make the payment real and clean our name off the bad reputation zagreus has given us by narrating us to the internet as scam.

I won't write to you again and I won't force you. Show and prove your real responsibility before I will consider to help you.

'Narrating and gisting'? Me? Even the notion...

Quote:

Mr Olson.

I cannot stress enough how serious we are with this loan. We believe that you are a legitimate company, and whilst we have had our fair share of differences and clashes, we wish only to work with you.

As for the MTCN number, I have just realised that I put a 1 where I should have put a 7 (I get my 1s and 7s mixed up a lot, my handwriting is dreadful), so it's no wonder that it was not registered as a real MTCN! Ho ho.

Also, what is this 'narrating and gisting' you refer to? Mr Zagreus is a respected businessman. I can assure you he has no intention of mocking your legitimacy.

Quote:

If this is real then provide us with the real mtcn number and the receipt for confirmation.

Quote:

The number is 1189554371. The 5 might be a 6, though (again, dreadful handwriting, sorry).

Jpg of receipt attached [color=black](No it isn't).
[/color]

Quote:

Please we are tired of all this cooked stories. Provide the real mtcn number and the receipt.

Damn, he's realised he's in the oven! My cooked stories are just so transparent, eh...?

Quote:

I have sent you the receipt countless times. It is attached as a jpg. Why do you complain?

If Western Union isn't working, we could always try another method of money transfer.

Quote:

It's now really obvious that you are playing with us because you can't be telling us that you missed the mtcn numbers 1 for 7 and 5 may be 6 as you said which where as you can't provide a clear photo proof of the payment.

Now I want to give you the final chance and if you don't comply, then we can't proceed and I won't be replying you again. It's clear that you didn't make the payment because if you did, your reaction would have changed by now. Go and send the money via money gram and get back with the receipt. This is your last chance. If you don't show your responsibility then go and get a loan from your designated bank.

I await the payment from you via money gram

Last chance, my foot.

Say, what's Shirley been up to...?

Quote:

Mr O, you haven't sent me the paperwork! I know you've just come back from your trip, but what the hell were you doing on the airplane home?! The Chuckle Brothers were very angry and said we might lose their customership. I will see you later today and you damn well better have done the DW63 and A113 forms by then. And if Janice doesn't stop calling me I will email Hemsworth, so you'd better do something about it.

I'll leave your coffee on the desk like usual.

Shirley

Quote:

Of course. I shall provide the proper MTCN next time. You have my word. I am off to Moneygram now.

Quote:

Okay. We awaits you

Quote:

We await the receipt of payment!!!

Quote:

Mr Olson, I've just found that website you were talking about a little while ago. I am horrified! It seems to be a community of hackers who read other people's emails and then laugh at them. This could be a major security breach. I've got the Moneygram number thingie, but I think it would be a lot more secure to send it in small chunks. That way, if they do decide to read our emails again, the hackers will only have a bit of the number and not the whole thing. Sound good?

Bet you can see where this is going.

Quote:

You can give us the payment receipt and the number here.

Quote:

Receipt attached. As I said before, if you can't open the file, I'm going to send the MTCN in small chunks. Are you ready for the first number?

The receipt was an incredibly low resolution photo from Google Images. I knew he would probably explode if I sent him another dll, so I thought it best to play safe.

Quote:

How much dis you send?? And you can send the total numbers at once!!!

Quote:

Why, I sent the whole $1350, as requested. And Mr Olson, it is vitally important that I split up this number. My cousin Derek told me that those hackers could be on their way to their local Moneygram right now to receive that money before you, so it's a lot safer to split it up.

The first number is 1.

Quote:

Please spliting is wasting of time as you can change the password to your email address because of the hackers and send the full numbers. Also send the receipt in clearer form.

Leaving your Lad to simmer for a few hours is also a good way to make sure he's cooked all the way through.

Quote:

What is delaying you? Please give us a clear photo of the payment for proof and fill the required data's as instructed.

Quote:

I've been doing extra research and I think it's best to stagger the numbers. Also that image is clear as crystal in gorgeous 1080p, so it must be your computer or screen.

Are you ready for the next number?

Quote:

What the heck!!! You have us a fake slip and you are still insisting on giving us the numbers 1 by 1??? I don't blame you! Do you think I am here to eat your money. Please and please do not email us again. Go and get a loan from your designated bank.
Show original message

Yes. That's precisely what I think.

Quote:

The slip is not fake, I can assure you. Yes, I insist on giving you the numbers one by one. The next number is 2.

Quote:

Go and get a loan from your bank.

Quote:

It's very clear to me that you don't want us, despite all the trouble we've been through. We shall most certainly be reporting your ridiculous business practices. Also, we don't know if you're just going to steal our money from the Western Union and Moneygram information that we've given you, so expect a call from our lawyer, Mr Wright.

Quote:

Take a look at the pictures herein and you will see what you have done already. People like you are thieves because if loans should be given, you will run and never get back with it. We know that you have been terminating our image and it is obvious. Now i want to warn you. Do not every call me a cheat because i am Erik Olson and i have never defrauded anyone of their hard earned money.

You have been sending fake mtcn and fake payments to us and you think we dont know??? what is the problem with you?? Do you think i am hungry??? I cant force you to complete this deal with us. If you cant comply then go and get a loan from your designated bank.

Quote:

The next number is 3.

And that's the end of the correspondence. I will miss annoying Olson. I've had a fantastic and very entertaining time doing so. I thank everyone who provided me with tips, advice and inspiration, and I look forward to my next long bait!

But what, you may ask, happened to Shirley?

Not a lot, actually.

"Xander" Zagreus
Former head of Zagreus Jelly Babies Inc.

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