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Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2017 10:22 pm

I've moved this from the help forum because I have decided to proceed with the bait. Whatever the result is, we shall see...

Anyway, I'm a fan of classic radio comedy, and it just so happens that the BBC are looking for diverse writers to adapt a 60s/70s serial known as The Men From The Ministry. Shame I can't be of any help to our 419ers, but maybe they can help me...?

Quote:

Hello,

My name is Peter Coleman. I would like to offer my sincerest apologies, but though your offer is one of great interest, due to other business commitments, I am afraid I am unable to undertake such a transaction.

My current business, however, you may be able to help me with. You may have noticed my strange email address - "Zagreus1974". This is in fact a codename for an upcoming project I am working on with the British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC), the largest television provider in the UK. I myself am a writer with many credits in British theatre, including the award-winning production "Sticky Wicket" , which featured Oscar-winning actor Peter Capaldi in the role of a cricket champion with split personality disorder.

The codename itself refers to two things: the first, a nursery rhyme which acts as a protest to governmental surveillance, and the second, the year in which the TV series is set - i.e. 1974. The protest nursery rhyme is as follows:

"Zagreus gets inside your head,
Zagreus lives among the dead,
Zagreus sees you in your bed,
and eats you when you're sleeping."

It was used in the Whitehall offices as a codeword for when the supervisor was on his way to make sure that his staff were actually working.

Anyway, the project is a television revival of the classic BBC Radio comedy series, The Men From The Ministry, which is set in the same Whitehall offices where that codeword was used. Currently, (and this is very top secret), the BBC has commissioned us for 6x30mins episodes. We actually have some very big names attached - John Cleese will be playing Permanent Undersecretary Sir Gregory Pitkin, and Dawn French will star as addled typist Mildred Murphin.

However, we need writers. Though we have a script for the first episode, and a basic outline of the series, we are very understaffed and don't have a lot of time (our deadline for all of the scripts is September 30th). Perhaps you would know of any up-and-coming writers who might be able to work with us? The BBC is especially keen on foreign talent as well to increase their diversity.

Pay is extremely generous. Upon completing a fully-approved script, of approximately 40 pages, writers will be paid upwards of $25,000 depending on the quality, with a maximum payout per script of $50,000.

Anyone interested in this offer should reply to us using this email address. Please pass it on to as many people as you can find who might be interested in working for us.

Yours,
Peter Coleman
Head Writer of the BBC's "The Men From The Ministry"

My hope was that I'd get a scammer who I might be able to 'reform', or just have some fun with. I replied with this email to every single scam in my spam folder, and, about a week later, got a response:

Quote:

Dear: Peter Coleman,

Many thanks for your email received as per you delivery of the trunk boxes. However i will sincerely assured you 100% risk free of this transaction since it belong to you and will deliver to your doorstep. I suggest we undergoes this business transaction as soon as you provide your relevant information and promise me my commission to have this deal with you.

Regarding your offer i have some international writer i will link with you and how would they receive their payment, what will be the percentage ration.

Finally, reply with your information to facilitate the process,

Regards,
Sir Logan Belinsky

Now we're talking! I quickly sent this reply:

Quote:

Dear Sir Logan

As I have stated previously, I am unable to conduct any business at this time that is unrelated to my work. We at the BBC are working very, very hard on The Men From The Ministry, especially with keeping it all under wraps. In fact, only today, we cast perennial favourite Sylvester McCoy, known for his work on Doctor Who, as mad office worker Perkins.

I would, however, be delighted to be put in contact with your international writer. They would receive their payment through Western Union when the work is complete.

Hope to hear from you soon,
Peter Coleman

'Sir' Logan at this point completely denies that he tried to get me to carry through with his initial scam. Nevertheless, ever the gentleman, he tries to get me to send his writer an advanced fee.

Quote:

Dear: Peter Coleman,

I read your message with the content well understood. As matter of fact i have discussed with my international writer in regards to your offer, he is very interested to carry on this deal with you but only what he ask before you is to pay off-front to empower him engage on this deal with you. Please advise.

Looking forward to hear from you,

Yes, he does frequently forget to put his name. Note the gender of his writing contact.

Well, sadly, my BBC boss doesn't allow advanced fees. Payment only on final delivery of the work.

Quote:

Dear Sir Logan

Sadly, this is a transaction that the BBC will not allow. They really are very strict on this matter - no payment until the work has been delivered. If it were up to me, this would not be the case, alas, I am unable to do anything about it. My boss, Derrick Guyler, is not a man to be crossed.

However, this should not deter your international writer, as they will certainly be paid handsomely for their hard work once it has been all approved by the production staff. They will, of course, need to sign a contract, but this is a relatively simple process (Essentially just answering some questions on a form).

Yours,
Peter Coleman

Surprisingly, Logan agrees.

Quote:

Sir,

Tried to convince the writer about your deal, you provide the contract document that needed to be sign for his review.

Waiting to hear from you,

Logan

So I spent an hour in Microsoft Publisher, and mocked up a BBC Writer's Contract, Form No. 419 (Don't worry, you'll get to see it in a bit).

Quote:

Sir Logan,

I have attached the contract. Please bear in mind that the writer will need to print off, fill in, scan, and send it back to us by February 18th. Other applicants have already sent in their own forms, and it would be a great pleasure to read from your own writer.

Additionally, the enclosed document is private and confidential. By signing the contract, your writer agrees to all of the listed terms, and shall not publicly discuss his/her work until the press release for the announcement of the series, which we shall be making in October, with cameras booked to roll in November.

Hope to hear back from you,
Peter Coleman

His next email makes me a bit nervous.

Quote:

Please what is the meaning of 419 on the document

Luckily, I'm ready to reassure:

Quote:

419 is the form code. At the BBC, we have hundreds of different forms for many different jobs and contracts to be signed. For instance, an Executive Producer form is number 227, a Costume Designer form is 138 and Commissioning Editor is 042. This is so that the BBC is able to easily keep track of the many different forms and contracts that have to be filled in so that people are able to work.

Hope this helps,
Peter Coleman

Logan then becomes worried I might be wanting some money from him.

Quote:

ATTN: PETER COLEMAN,

SIR,

WILL THERE BE NEED FOR ANY ENTRY FEE

REGARDS,

SIR. LOGAN

I have no wish to scam a scammer.

Quote:

Absolutely no need. It's free to send an application.

- Peter Coleman

I don't hear from him for a while. So I send a quick nudge:

Quote:

Hello,

Just a quick reminder that you have until this Saturday at 24:00GMT to submit your application.

Many thanks,
Peter Coleman

The next email was received at 12:06GMT on the very same Saturday, and is possibly the greatest email I will ever read.

Quote:

Attn: Peter Coleman,

Sir,

So sorry for delay and i hereby attached the documents from my writer.

Regards,

Logan

http://picpaste.com/pics/SirLogan-page-001-fjUwS2du.1487510100.jpg
http://picpaste.com/pics/SirLogan-page-002-a305qT6Y.1487508319.jpg
http://picpaste.com/pics/SirLogan-page-003-cDZ9zs8f.1487508396.jpg
http://picpaste.com/pics/SirLogan-page-004-cAmYkQZG.1487508426.jpg
http://picpaste.com/pics/SirLogan-page-005-wpJLs4Gv.1487508457.jpg

So, let's break down the information given.

I did a quick google for Adanna Uzoeshi, and found a Facebook profile which seems to correspond to the name, location and education. What doesn't, however, is the description:

Quote:

She' s kul,she is fun, she is crazy,she is a very mean citic,she dose not dull herself,she speaks her mind,a suger freak,smart..she is ADANNA.. so whurch u waitin 4 cliq d add botton

And her occupation is listed as a fashion designer. She stated her favourite film is Harry Potter, and her favourite actor is Jim Broadbent, but they get no mentions on her profile.

Her understanding of The Men From The Ministry is questionable at best, as I googled her description of Sir Gregory - "pompous, self-seeking permanent undersecretary" and lo and behold, it was ripped from Wikipedia, along with a few other bits.

However, the pitch for a new episode, as far as I can tell, does seem to be original, as the title "Welcoming Big Foot" was not used on the original show.

But, perhaps the most interesting item, is how the writer appears to have swapped gender, as Logan previously referred to them as "he", "him" and "his".

Well, they've sent an application. Only one thing for it.

Quote:

Absolutely no worries, you were just in time submitting. We will get back to your writer within a week or so to see if her application can be progressed.

Best,
Peter Coleman.

I'm going to try and obtain a writing sample next. To be continued...

Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2017 12:28 am

Excited to see how this turns out Smile

Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2017 7:30 pm

Now that I've decided to continue with the bait, I'm probably going to need Adanna's email so I can contact her directly.

Quote:

Sir Logan,

Is there a contact email directly to your writer? I feel it would be of great inconvenience to you to keep relaying messages back and forth from her to us. After all, it would be most impolite to have any news we might have to share with her in the next few days go through a third party.

- Peter Coleman

And just this afternoon:

Quote:

Sir,

Here is my writer email contact, <<Snipped - bware419ers>> , Please make a copy of your communication with her to me for documentation.

Logan

This intrigues me. I think that Logan may be considering a career as an agent. I hope he doesn't want a percentage from 'Adanna'.

So here at the BBC, things really have been moving fast. Adanna's application was sent on Saturday, and we've spent every day since discussing the dozens of applications we received - and lo and behold, Adanna is one of the lucky lasses to get to the next stage! Better tell her what happens next.

Quote:

Dear Adanna

My name is Peter Coleman. I am Head Writer for the BBC's The Men From The Ministry, the show which you applied to write for.

First and foremost, it has been a very busy past few days at the production office. Myself and the producers, Lynda Baron and Russell T Davies, have been sorting through dozens of applications we received in order to whittle down our selection to twelve candidates.

The series will consist of six thirty minute episodes, three of which will be adapted from the radio serials, and three of which will be original stories. I have penned the first episode, entitled "The Bungled Burglary", and am working on the sixth episode; "The Firing Range". Russell is adapting a radio script, "The Big Rocket", which will be episode two. This leaves episodes 3-5 currently without writers.

We are, therefore, thrilled to tell you that your application was so impressive, mature and well-written that we are putting you through to the next stage of the process!

Now, as I said before, episodes 3-5 are currently without writers. If you have been paying attention, you will realise that two episodes of these three will be adapted from the radio series, leaving one for an original story. You will also recall that in your application, we asked you to write a pitch for an episode you might write if you became a writer for our show.

The next stage of the process consists of two parts:

1) Write the first ten pages of your script, "Welcoming Big Foot". This will be used to assess your creativity and understanding of the characters.

2) Write the first ten pages of an adaptation of one of the radio serials. This will be used to determine your understanding of the television scripting process, and how well you understand the difference between the television and radio mediums.

Before beginning work, please follow and understand these guidelines:

- Your scripts MUST be submitted in a PDF, one for each script, and MUST be in standard script format. If you have any questions regarding the formatting, please contact us.
- We recommend that for your writing, you use the free online writing tool Celtx, which can be found at Celtx.com. It is an extremely useful website, as all of your scripts can be stored online, and easily formatted into standard script format.
- For the adaptation script, we have chosen a selection of episodes that we thought might make for good television viewing. Please choose ONE from: "Rolling In It", "Ban The Wotsit", "Mission Inedible" and "A Great Convenience". You will be able to find the episodes online using YouTube. You may also wish to listen to other episodes in order to gain inspiration and further your understanding of the style and characters.
- As our deadline is looming, you will have until March 19th to submit your scripts to this email address.

Attached, so that you may see an example of our style, is the first ten pages of the first episode, "The Bungled Burglary". This is BBC PROPERTY, so please DO NOT share it with anyone else.

I wish you good luck and congratulations once more. We are very much looking forward to reading what you have in store for us!

Best wishes,
Peter Coleman

This is going to be very interesting. Considering that Adanna's limited knowledge of the show comes from Wikipedia, and I very much doubt she has actually written a script before, I think she'll come up with something rather entertaining. For all the wrong reasons.

And here's the sample script!
http://docdro.id/EvhOzob
This bait was inspired by one of my friends, who's very, very into his Radio 4 comedy. He wrote a 'spec script' as it's called for a pilot episode to a TV reboot of the series some time ago, so I asked if I could borrow it. He says it isn't very good and needs a lot of work, but I was really only looking for something that looked and read like an actual script. I have read the whole thing. It's quite funny, actually. So there's the first ten pages, anyway.

And, of course, I sent off a copy to Sir Logan.

Quote:

Logan, here is what I have just sent to Adanna:
[...]
I am entrusting you with the first ten pages as well. As stated before, DO NOT share this with anyone. The BBC have filed lawsuits due to this sort of thing before, and it would be a dreadful shame to do so again.

Regards,
Peter Coleman

Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2017 12:44 pm

Adanna has responded!

Quote:

Dear Peter Coleman
It is with great joy and gratitude that I read from you, personally that is and it is of honor to have been selected. I promise to work hard and meet up before the deadline. Thanks once more for this granted opportunity, I do look forward in working with you in the nearest future.
Cheers
Adanna Uzoeshi

I do love the casual usage of a very British sign-off at the end.

I think it's going to be a bit of a wait before we can see what she's been up to. I'll try and get another bait going in the meantime (a different avenue, not more TV scripts, I think). However, I think that our patience shall be rewarded when Adanna delivers her scripts...!

Posted: Tue Mar 14, 2017 7:03 pm

It's almost time for Adanna to submit her scripts, which I look forward to with utmost glee. In the meantime, here's some additional correspondence.

Quote:

A quick reminder from us at the production office that you have a week to submit your scripts.

Quote:

DEAR Peter Coleman
thank you for this, i will submit mine before the deadline

Cheer
Adanna Uzoeshi
Show original message

Sir Logan then wants to know what's been going on.

Quote:

Sir,

Your update about my writer please.

Waiting to hear from you,

Sir. Logan

Now, I've decided that I'm going to have a little fun with Sir Logan. As a scammer, he's out to make money by any means possible. So, it stands to reason that if someone somehow managed to find out that the BBC were secretly making a new series of The Men From The Ministry with some very big stars, then someone would be willing to spill the beans for the right amount.

Quote:

Sir Logan,

I must apologise to you for my tardiness in replying, but for the past few days, all of our email accounts have been in lockdown! A short while ago, we had some intruders at the BBC, and whilst they seemed to just wander around and then leave, the BBC are concerned they may have had an ulterior motive, and may have hacked us. So we haven't been able to access our emails during that period.

I may have to change emails at some point due to this, so if you see an email from someone you don't recognise, it's possibly me.

Anyway, with regards to your writer, she has acknowledged that we have moved forward with her application, and we are just waiting for her to deliver her sample scripts by March 19th.

Best,
Peter Coleman

(The BBC break-in I mentioned was actually real. Time to enter Davros - er, Dave Ross.)

Quote:

My name is David Ross. A source of mine recently showed me some emails pertaining to a television revival that the BBC is trying to keep secret, and it appears that they've sent you some information on this. Would you like to share it with the press?

David Ross

What happens next, we can only guess at.

Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2017 2:29 am

You're off to a great start. He's definitely hooked after taking all that time on the forms. Most initial forms are pathetic one-liners, as the lads are simply in a hurry to be done with them and move on to the payment. Thumbs up

Posted: Sun Mar 19, 2017 9:09 pm

Ladies and gentlemen (and all those inbetween), allow me to present the moment that you've all been waiting for.

I feared I may had lost her, but then this evening, the following arrived in my inbox:

Mission Inedible by Adanna Uzoeshi - http://docdro.id/mJtV2QA
Welcoming Bigfoot by Adanna Uzoeshi - http://docdro.id/5vIKxSi

The most bizarre amalgamation of both understanding of and complete disregard for the industry standard script format that I've ever seen. A personal favourite has to be Mildred 'slicing' the door open. Better keep away from that violent secretary!

I honestly cannot tell if Welcoming Bigfoot is original or has been plagarised because it's just so bizarre, but the adaptation of Mission Inedible is passable. Just.

Regardless, please enjoy.