SAFARI! Oh My God. You Hurt Me So Much. You Hurt Me So Much.

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 12:12 am

Alfred sat in the bar of the hotel. At his feet was a heavy bag containing 10kg of fake gold. He had not eaten all day and the hotel kitchen had long closed. He was on his second bottle of beer and his head was spinning. His broda was perched next to him on a high stool with his elbows on the bar and his head in his hands.

This had been a very bad enterprise.

Quote:

"You are a joker buyer"
"You sent them deep inside the bush"
"There is no food here. I am very hungry"
"Because of you, I couldn't go to work today"
"The taxi bike man ran away with my small bag"
"I have done business with the Egyptian President"
"Oh my God. You hurt me so much. You hurt me so much"
"My rep does not even want to hear my voice now on phone"
"I don't think you have a hotel. Maybe it is just a website you have"
"My rep said if somebody kill them right now, nobody would hear of them"
"Since I have been doing this business for 20 years now, no buyer has ever treated me this way"
"The hotel manager told my rep how you have been treating other people who want to sell things to you"
"You really got me angry, seriously, and my rep is very annoyed with me. You treated them like little boys"

Lads' Travels

Royal Paradise Hotel in the bush, somewhere outside of Allada

ITINERARY:

Wednesday morning. Alfred and his broda leave Accra by minibus.
Wednesday evening. After 8 uncomfortable hours travelling, they arrive in Cotonou and check into a hotel.
Thursday morning. After 2 hours of calling Geoffrey's unanswered phone, he takes the call and advises that his hotel has relocated to Allada, 30 miles north of Cotonou. Alfred is robbed of his bag and passport by a motorcycle taxi rider and visits the Gendarmerie to make a report.
Thursday late afternoon. The 2 Lads reluctantly take a taxi car to Allada.
Thursday evening. On arrival in Allada, they are unable to find the Royal Paradise Hotel (RPH), which is the nearest landmark to Geoffrey's hotel. This is unsurprising, since RPH is deep in the bush, approx 5 miles outside of Allada. After much argument, they hire a motorcycle taxi to ride in front of their taxi car and show them the way there. Eventually, they arrive at RPH. Randy is despatched to collect them but becomes lost. Geoffrey encourages the Lads to book into RPH overnight.
Friday morning. Geoffrey has turned his phone off, as he is busy. The Lads realise that things are very wrong, turn off their phone and disappear, presumably on their way back to Ghana. Later, Geoffrey calls the Oga, who with a little prompting, unleashes an almost uninterrupted 18 minutes of angry ranting.

THE AUDIO
https://soundcloud.com/geoffrey-smith-819133686/alfred-john-mark-safari-dec-15-final
NB: This track lasts approx 53 minutes. Look upon it as a radio play!

Quote:

The Players:

Travelling Lads: Alfred and broda from Accra.
Oga in Ghana: John Mark.
Allada Hotel Manager: Mr Randy.
Hotels Owner: Mr Geoffrey.

NB: Please do bear in mind that Main Forum is not behind a login and that anything posted here is open to Google and other search engine crawlers. Please don't post any keywords that could lead a suspicious Lad here.

If you enjoy this work, please do post in the Thread. This helps to keep it alive. Thank you.

Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 12:17 am

He's on a good start.
Now to keep him moving.
Gotta Stred him in Hash conditions.

Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 12:35 am

I enjoy this work, so I am posting in the thread!

Thanks TM for the never ending laughs. Smile

Elite Baiter Joined: 17 Jun 2015 Posts: 1738

Another outstanding safari. Very Happy

KUTGW!!!

Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 2:40 am

Was that from "The Purge" at the beginning? This is sheer brilliance, TM! A most amazing journey as always, and I love the narration in the middle. The summary was fun, and it was a lovely segue into the real angst and frustration.

This is a work of art!! Thank you for your continued hosting of our favorite travel destination!
Laughing

Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 3:05 am

I am in total awe at the frequency of these safaris. Amazing.

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 24 Dec 2012 Posts: 699

Wow the boss really started to sound like the Nigerian Al Pacino when he started to get upset and talk about kilos near the end.

Good entertainment!

Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 4:30 am

Just wow. I stand in awe.
Words fail me!

Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 4:56 am

Passport stolen, stredded in the bush, sounds like cryptographic hash conditions to me!

Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 5:36 am

You Sir, are a worthy contender for taking over from Jojo Bean, and that frankly, is something I never thought I would see here.

Stredded in Hash condition is a complaint that brings tears to my eyes.

Congratulations

Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 9:06 am

Excellent and joyful. Great work TM !!!!!!

Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 11:19 am

A great Christmas present from TM-superb! And the oga rant-that made my evening!

Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 12:19 pm

Oooooooo! Well done, yet again!

Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 1:07 pm

I'll give Oga John this; he didn't break character during his tirade. He was still maintaining his business persona amidst the "Ohs" and the ""You hurt me so much, you hurt me" claims.

Mind you, Alfred and his buddy seemed to have given up relatively easily compared to some Lads.

Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 1:21 pm

Another beautiful work of safari art. TM you are the greatest!
I like the rooster effects.

Laughing

Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 1:41 pm

Another amazing safari. Thanks, TM for posting. Love the oga rant !

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 26 Aug 2006 Posts: 577

Fabulous. I love your work!

Wannabe Baiter Joined: 17 Aug 2014 Posts: 90

Lol'd at the intro.

Stolen Passport,Stolen Motorbike.....

RT could not unleash his full wrath. Maybe would have pegged his ego down a bit. I did business with president, I have 36 000 in my pocket.
Hahaha

Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 5:43 pm

Great jpb as always TM.
The audio is priceless.

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 24 Dec 2012 Posts: 699

but... It's obvious that Royal Paradise Hotel now tells the lads they are being had. Maybe time for another?

Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 7:34 pm

Quote:

"Oh my God. You hurt me so much. You hurt me so much"

I love it.

The audio is just brilliant!

Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 7:34 pm

Brilliant work as always, Monsignor! Listening to the oga's rant was very amusing. I enjoyed how every time he paused in his ranting to take a breath, you subtly goaded him into rage again with just the right questions. Laughing

Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 8:26 pm

Great calls!

Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 9:10 pm

Travelling lads are happy lads.

Twisted Evil

Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 9:20 pm

I love the whole story, but most especially listening to the apoplectic oga. Laughing

Great stuff!!

SAFARI! Oh My God. You Hurt Me So Much. You Hurt Me So Much.	View next topic View previous topic