DOUBLE TROUBLE. 1 Day-2 Safaris: This is a Wild Goose Chase!

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Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 7:29 pm

SAFARI ONE

Daniel leaned against the wall of the bank and lit a cigarette. He had never been to rural Benin before and he didn't much like it. He didn't speak the language, he didn't have any friends there, and he didn't understand what was going on. He had travelled in good faith from Accra, across Togo and into the Republic of Benin, all to meet Mr Geoffrey at his hotel in Cotonou. Unable to find him, Daniel had crossed the busy Seme Border into Nigeria to stay with a broda in Lagos. Returning to Cotonou the next day, Daniel was so surprised when this Mr Babangoh told him that the hotel had relocated to a village named Allada, over 30 miles away. Now here he was stranded in Allada, surrounded by hostile yet curious locals and a licensed bandit taxi driver who was almost rubbing his hands as his meter clocked up the dollas...

Quote:

"The taxi driver looks like an imbecile"
"You don't send me on a wild goose chase like this"
"I think I'm beginning to get the picture of what's going on"
"I have been tossed up and down, back and forth, to no avail..."
"I've been inside the bush, passing from one village to another"
"I don't even know where I am. How can someone do that to someone else?"
"The hotel I went to, a lady told me there is a man who is doing that to some people; they always end up coming to that hotel"

Daniel's Travels

Royal Paradise Hotel in the bush, somewhere outside of Allada

Allada Railway Station

ITINERARY:

Wednesday. Daniel leaves Accra by minibus.
Thursday. After 8 uncomfortable hours travelling, Daniel arrives in Cotonou.
Thursday evening. After many frustrating hours wandering around the city centre looking for the hotel, Daniel eventually capitulates and travels into Nigeria and on to Lagos, where he stays with a broda.
Friday morning. Daniel returns to Cotonou, where he is directed to Allada.
Friday evening. Daniel is in Allada with his taxi driver.

THE AUDIO.
Track One: https://soundcloud.com/geoffreysmith/nana-voicemail
Track 2: https://soundcloud.com/geoffreysmith/daniel-oyegun-safari-nov-15-day-one

Quote:

The Players:

Travelling Lad: Daniel from Accra.
Oga in Ghana: Mr Nana.
Cotonou Hotel Manager: Mr Babangoh.
Cotonou Hotel Security Guard: Mr Randy.
Hotels Owner: Mr Geoffrey.

SAFARI 2

Mr Kelly was seething. He had been into his Mugu for months and today was supposed to be the culmination of careful fostering and persuasion. He should have been travelling back to his family in Cotonou with tens of thousands of dollars. Instead, all he was bringing home from Ghana was an empty wallet, a story of disaster and confusion, and a foul temper...

Quote:

"I had to sleep at another hotel"
"Yesterday I pay for 4 taxis for more than 4 hours"

Kelly's Travels

ITINERARY:
Wednesday. Kelly leaves Cotonou by minibus.
Thursday. After 8 uncomfortable hours travelling, Kelly arrives in Accra and takes a taxi to Tema.
Thursday evening. After 4 hours being taxi driven around the hot and dusty heavy industrial district, Kelly eventually capitulates and books into another hotel at great expense.
Friday morning. Kelly returns to Tema with a broda, where he again searches for Mr Geoffrey's hotel.
Friday evening. Kelly throws the towel in and sets off for home.

THE AUDIO.
https://soundcloud.com/geoffreysmith/kelly-markora-safari-nov-15

Quote:

The Players:

Travelling Lad: Mr Kelly from Cotonou.
Accra Hotel Manager: Mr Babangoh.
Hotels Owner: Mr Geoffrey.

Let's leave the final word to Daniel, back home in Accra and clearly still delightedly angry:

Quote:

You are nothing but a cheap scam artist working with a Nigerian bunch of petty bandits. Do Enjoy your day....

NB: Please do bear in mind that Main Forum is not behind a login and that anything posted here is open to Google and other search engine crawlers. Please don't post any keywords that could lead a suspicious Lad here.

If you enjoy this work, please do post in the Thread. This helps to keep it alive. Thank you.

Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 7:45 pm

Congratulations on two more masterpiece safaris!

Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 7:54 pm

Quote:

"The hotel I went to, a lady told me there is a man who is doing that to some people; they always end up coming to that hotel"

Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 8:43 pm

Classic stuff and great fun...

Quote:

The taxi driver looks like an imbecile

"Birds of a feather" and "it takes one to know one" spring to mind - and TM, your French pronunciation wasn't that bad.

Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 8:55 pm

@mugu_eater - My favorite part. Very Happy

TM, as always, splendid job. As I've told you on friday, lad pain makes for an excellent side dish to a lunch. Very Happy

More please!

Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 9:04 pm

Great work. I loved that you are now a famed, yet anonymous man in West Africa. Very Happy

Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 9:21 pm

Very entertaining. Thanks, TM!

Mr. Kelly at 8:25: "Everything is black." Yes, that's usually how things are when you're trying to find Mr. Pr!cky.

Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 9:42 pm

Quote:

How can someone do that to someone else?

Lad logic. They do the worst things imaginable to victims, but they climb on a high horse when they're inconvenienced. Rolling Eyes

Great safaris, TM!

Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 9:47 pm

Quote:

How can someone do that to someone else?

I often wonder that myself, laddy-boy

Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 10:10 pm

Wonderful! Those phone calls were priceless! Congratulations, TM on continuing the tradition of lad pain expanded by travel!

Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 10:38 pm

So I love the way you safari them so much that the hotel is starting to explain to lads that you are tricking them into going to the hotel and the taxi driver well let's face it he's an imbecile Very Happy

Baiting Guru Joined: 10 Oct 2010 Posts: 3876

congratulations to the safaries (it's rare to use that word in plural).

are they already back home, or is there more pain to expect?

Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 11:45 pm

Nice. I love how they move down well worn trails. Beautiful.

Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 11:47 pm

Rub the Allada lamp and a hotel pops out in the middle of the bush!
"Shamanda fair! Shamanda fair! Shamanda fair!" The taxi driver didn't understand "chemin de fer" the way he said it with an English accent.

Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 11:59 pm

Beautifully concise and you can see exactly what's happened, you make it look easy, but I'm sure it must have taken great work behind the scenes to set the guy up. Inspirational for those among us lot who've never got a safari (Yet!) . Keep it up. Twisted Evil

Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2015 12:27 am

The dog's bollocks Thumbs up

Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2015 12:28 am

I just want to let everyone know that TM puts in an amazing amount of work into weaving the story lines and luring the lads. It all sounds so easy when listening to the finished product, but the labour involved is tremendous! Lads are becoming more and more cautious, and so TM has to maintain the edge; he does so with incredible amounts of ingenuity, and I am privileged to witness much of this 'first hand'.

Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2015 12:36 am

Most excellent work TM, long may you reign anonymous Smile

Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2015 12:54 am

Britannicus wrote:

I just want to let everyone know that TM puts in an amazing amount of work into weaving the story lines and luring the lads. It all sounds so easy when listening to the finished product, but the labour involved is tremendous! Lads are becoming more and more cautious, and so TM has to maintain the edge; he does so with incredible amounts of ingenuity, and I am privileged to witness much of this 'first hand'.

Britannicus, your roll in these calls cannot go unacknowledged. You two are a brilliant team on the baits!

The ripple effect from your work will be a rising world cost for Western African gold as opposed to just regular gold. West Africa sales seem to be so much more.... complicated.

Baiting Guru Joined: 10 Oct 2010 Posts: 3876

^^^^

yes, mistah B adds so much to it. a genuine african voice... lads feel confident with it. Smile

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 24 Dec 2012 Posts: 699

You guys make such a wonderful well oiled safari machine phone team.
Both of you are naturals. How could the lads NOT believe?

It's so much fun!

Wannabe Baiter Joined: 17 Aug 2014 Posts: 90

Thank you, enjoyable as always.

Is it possible to allow downloading on the audio files,next time?

Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2015 10:27 am

kishnabe wrote:

Is it possible to allow downloading on the audio files...?

Thanks. I have changed the Settings. All files may now be downloaded.

email in from Daniel at 0650 hrs today. It is another cracker. This guyman has a way with words:

Quote:

You obviously do not understand, I am not angry, I just don't understand how a smooth talking criminal with the right attitude cannot have coordinated teamwork with his subordinate bandits on how best to proceed with handling one person?

NB: 'Smooth Talking Criminal'; what a great line!

Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2015 11:18 am

Which one is the smooth-talking criminal?

Master Baiter Joined: 26 Apr 2015 Posts: 239

Quote:

"The hotel I went to, a lady told me there is a man who is doing that to some people; they always end up coming to that hotel"

If they knew what was good for business they'd shut their mouth.
Hasnt anyone told them not to burn lads.
The taxi drivers must love it when they hear someone saying they want to be taken to SH. Laughing

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