Being abusive to members

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Master Baiter Joined: 05 Sep 2014 Posts: 139

There are guidelines for members but what about the statements made by staff that seem cold and uncaring?

Posted: Sat Aug 29, 2015 1:58 am

Please provide a link to the post you are referring to.

Posted: Sat Aug 29, 2015 1:59 am

Gardenlady, I know you mean well but there are reasons why the Mods say what they do. There is much to baiting that requires setting a tone and that includes with us members. And sometimes baiters mean well but there are unintended consequences to what they are doing or plan to do. If you have a specific concern about something, please PM them about it. We all like a good laugh and enjoy the fun of it all, but what we do is serious business in the end.

Master Baiter Joined: 05 Sep 2014 Posts: 139

yes I know what you say is correct. i had the same reaction that was made to me last year and i took it personal and my feeling were hurt and i thought the person was very insensitive.

Posted: Sat Aug 29, 2015 11:22 am

gardenlady wrote:

There are guidelines for members but what about the statements made by staff that seem cold and uncaring?

Your thread title says "Abusive" but above it seems you're complaining about someone not coming across with enough sensitivity.

Remember that there's a difference between "cold and uncaring" and "abusive".
Some people can come across as cold and uncaring but there's also a very good chance that the reader has misinterpreted their words.
Abuse is usually the opposite - it's pretty straight forward to spot.

If someone comes across as cold and uncaring, read their post a few times. Also read their previous posts. It could be just that their character doesn't come across to you.
If someone is abusive - different story. Use the Report this Post button.

Finally, remember - if you're a victim, although people do in general sympathise, we don't know your whole story. It's therefore very, very difficult to be completely empathetic. Sometimes, although we do try our best, we simply cannot give people what they think they need.

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

When I was newly arrived on Eater and only a few posts in, a seasoned baiter (no names, no pack drill) made a remark to me that I found abrupt, cold and really rather dismissive and uncaring. It made me quite cross, as I had just come from working for 5 years in cult rescue and never would such a remark have been made to a new member, who might be in a vulnerable and sensitive place.

However, this member probably thought my remark, to which they were responding, to be a somewhat silly thing to say and they were trying to disabuse me of an idea I had.

This person may be a thoroughly nice individual, I have no way of knowing, but I do know that I now do my best to avoid them.

I don't doubt their motives, only their approach. Also, I'm quite a tough person and will survive, but what about those who are not?

*** BANNED *** Joined: 26 Jul 2012 Posts: 1116

My 2 pence which matter very little here....

While it gives no one an excuse to be abusive here, this is a site where offensive is kind of the name of the game. In fact to quote a baiter, they recently said that if their baits do not offend people they are not pushing the bait far enough (thanks Jojo and I do agree for eater, not so much for SW).

This lends to the following point: If you are a victim this might not be where you want to be until you are personally healed due to the nature of this site. Scamwarners may be more the cuppa for you initially, until you have healed from the damage the lad inflicted on you (that may take a while too and that is fine). You are going to see things that offend the senses as a victim of fraud here on eater. You will see familiar formats that bring back bad memories of your scams, you are going to see scammers try to manipulate baiters in ways that remind you of how the scammer came at you, and you are going to see a baiter in an offensively uncaring manner go right at that scammer because offensive is the name of the game here. Victim support of a non-offensive nature is not the inherent and underlying tone to eater, but it is at scamwarners.com.

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

Whilst I agree with everything you say, in principle, Joker (I will be pm'ing you shortly, btw), the point I was making was more along the lines that victims and survivors of scams, etc., may, and do, end up here, even if it's only as a result of research into what has happened to them.

At that point, baiters will be speaking to them. Now, not everyone is suited to victim support - it is very difficult work. However, even 'burley baiters' need to be a little aware, in these cases, I think. Just my fourpence worth. Lol

Master Baiter Joined: 05 Sep 2014 Posts: 139

Thank you all for your comments. I should not have used the "term" abusive. The person I am communicating with is sensitive and going through withdraw by not responding to the lad. She was looking for support and the person she communicated with made some statements that really upset her. Now she is afraid to log on to Eaters and Scamwarners. I should not have not intervened and just let her sort it out by herself. I apologize

Posted: Sat Aug 29, 2015 4:44 pm

^^ I wouldn't give up that easily.

Tell her it's just a glitch/misunderstanding and get hold of someone else. She should find a sympathetic ear no problem.

No need to stand back and let them try to sort it out for themselves. In fact giving up on them is probably the worst thing to do.
No need to apologize either. Just move on, progress and hopefully the problem will get sorted.

Make sure she goes to Scamwarners though. Not here. Not all of our baiters are equipped to deal with victims whereas at SW, just about everyone posting there is.

Posted: Sat Aug 29, 2015 4:46 pm

Quote:

the point I was making was more along the lines that victims and survivors of scams, etc., may, and do, end up here, even if it's only as a result of research into what has happened to them.

I agree that victims land on eaters-planet every single day.You have to understand that people who care allot about victims(many off us are on scamwarners also)are not gone allow a new or old member to make mistakes that would bring anybody in danger off any kind.

Not everybody have the same writting skills and the message could come over totaly different then meant to be.

When a member with enough experience advice or criticise some off my actions i take that advice or would i doubt the advice i would PM a mod for his or her opinion.You could open a thread about it to get multiple opinions.I don't know what kind off responce was given to you nor the topic off the thread so i can't really judge but my geuss is that it was meant well.Others would have reacted to it would poster been out off line.

I been harsh to some in the past but never offensive the OP or poster could felt offended by my posts but believe me it was for a good reason.

I think we are on one off the most civilized comunity's on the net.
On another note i am happy you stick around.

Master Baiter Joined: 05 Sep 2014 Posts: 139

Thank you. I strongly encouraged her to get back on Scamwarners. She was afraid to do so because of that person. I plan on sticking around here You all are wonderful.

Posted: Sat Aug 29, 2015 6:02 pm

gardenlady wrote:

She was afraid to do so because of that person.

She shouldn't be afraid at all!

And to encourage her, you can tell her that even the person she thinks is cold, does care.
Everyone at SW is a volunteer. They're all giving up their time to help victims. They don't get a penny for doing it. The only reason they help is because they care. And sometimes that's a very harrowing thing to do. It's not easy dealing with innocent peoples' misery day in and day out. Hell, I'm a coward. I hate doing it and stay away as much as I can. It can be a very draining, emotional experience trying to help people through some of the most negative times of their life.

So you can tell her - if they didn't care, they wouldn't be there on SW in the first place. Wink

Baiting Guru Joined: 11 May 2004 Posts: 2163

I am delicate like flower

A few prank phone calls to scammers · Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2015 12:00 pm

I know I am relatively new here and I know nothing of the situation of which you speak so my 2¢ probably isn't worth much, but here it is:

There are people on this site from all over the world, it may be possible that sometimes we can misinterpret each other as having different meanings than intended. Especially since inflection and tone can't be conveyed via the typed word.

Master Baiter Joined: 05 Sep 2014 Posts: 139

You are so right. thank you for your comments.

Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2015 9:22 pm

It's very difficult when posting on-line. It's because it's just typed words. There's no way to really make it personal (except for stupid emoticons).

I belong to a few forums, and I admit I usually keep my posts short and to the point. Some have seen that as being rude--but I wasn't being rude. I just keep it short and simple.

For example, I belong to a few Adobe InDesign forums, and give a alot of advice.

In one thread I gave an answer, but the original poster felt that my answer was rude.

It wasn't. I just answered the question. I guess the OP felt I should have been more personal.

Master Baiter Joined: 05 Sep 2014 Posts: 139

that is why I am keeping my posts to the bare minimum. However, I usually read the scripts on the Love and Dating forum and since I see no new posts, I am thinking that I have been banned because of my comments.

Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2015 10:40 pm

No you have not been banned. Very Happy

Your comments and participation are very welcomed.

Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2015 10:43 pm

gardenlady, I want you to know I am doing my best to bring Tim back so you have something to read!! Cool

Sorry for my silence in that thread - the lads are shunning me right now... It's really not you - it's all the lads faults Laughing

Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2015 10:48 pm

Doc Wrote:

Quote:

I guess the OP felt I should have been more personal

After you were so nice to Lopez and GOAG?

Maybe you should have ordered pizza for the OP.

Laughing

Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2015 11:04 pm

Many times people take directness as mean or cold. I'm very direct and I do not put a lot of flowery words in my posts. Why? Because I don't wanna.

If a person is overly sensitive, they will likely be offended by anything that isn't flowery. This is the Internet and, while it is no place for abuse, one has to realize that they are simply reading black and white. You don't have the benefit of tone, mannerisms or being able to see my pretty little face. I mean, reading this you might think I sound cold and sarcastic. However, if you saw my face you would be thinking, "My god he makes Bradley Cooper look like a dog's arsehole."

My point is, there are lots of good people doing lots of different things here at this site. It takes many different personalities to make this place run. Someone who nurtures a victim is likely not going to be the person getting a lad tattooed or sending him to a war zone. The person meticulously killing bank sites and shutting down credit cards is probably not the same person who is getting silly pics of the lad getting frisky with a goat. These aren't always the case, but the different personality types serve a greater purpose.

Baiting Guru Joined: 31 Jan 2007 Posts: 12237

Klaasvaak wrote:

I am delicate like flower

That's why I've always loved you.

Master Baiter Joined: 05 Sep 2014 Posts: 139

Thank you all for your comments. I know I am sensitive but I get upset but when someone sends me a nasty message, I get on the defensive.

Posted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 8:00 pm

Gonna have to get rid of that sensitivity and give as good as you get to make a success of your stay here.

I was real sensitive when I started out and Pastor Frank and Klaasvaak used to wade into me and say really cruel things. I used to cry into my pillow at night.

Now I'm not so sensitive I just take them for the couple of cock-wallets they are and tell them to piss off.