"baku is like fufu" - a Mal chat

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Posted: Mon Oct 20, 2014 10:01 pm

A Lad contacted me on Skype with an NOK proposal so I opened up for chat.

16 October
[7:51:20 PM] Mal: Hello Mr Ankara
[7:52:52 PM] Lad: Hello
[7:53:04 PM] Lad: how are you doing
[8:05:07 PM] Mal: Fine, as it happens.
[8:05:20 PM] Mal: I'm wondering why you singled me out for attention.
[8:09:11 PM] Lad: hello friend do you read the first message I sent to you to understand me
[8:09:38 PM] Mal: Yes, I read it. My question remains.
[8:14:26 PM] Lad: I want you to work with as the next of kin of Mr Hussien Omar from Iraq National an gold dealer who deposired the a truck box, valued at USD$11,600,000.00 (Eleven Million, Six Hundred Thousand United States dollars) for twelve calendar months in our company to claim it with me in our company as I told you in the first message I sent to you
[8:14:38 PM] Mal: That's not what I asked.
[8:16:57 PM] Lad: I want your attention to work with as a next of kin to claim the fund
[8:17:21 PM] Mal: Why aren't you answering my question?
[8:17:37 PM] Mal: I'm wondering why you singled me out for attention. That question.
[8:18:17 PM] Lad: explain well to me to understand you
[8:18:31 PM] Mal: That is a simple question.
[8:18:48 PM] Mal: To put it another way... How did you choose me?
[8:21:32 PM] Lad: I trust in God Almighty I know that you that the reason I chose you
[8:21:46 PM] Mal: Sorry, what?
[8:22:01 PM] Mal: I don't understand.
[8:24:59 PM] Mal: Did you pray for enlightenment or something like that?
[8:25:00 PM] Lad: I said that I trust in God Almighty I know that you will not disapiont me that the reaseon I chose
[8:26:00 PM] Lad: yes I pray over any thing I do
[8:26:13 PM] Mal: Weird.
[8:26:38 PM] Mal: You're a Christian, right?
[8:26:40 PM] Lad: I keep it in the hand of God Almighty
[8:26:54 PM] Lad: yes I am
[8:27:09 PM] Mal: Well, whatever floats your boat.
[8:27:40 PM] Lad: not understand
[8:27:56 PM] Lad: explain well to me
[8:28:02 PM] Mal: Hey, it's your choice who you worship.
[8:28:14 PM] Mal: If you worship at all.
[8:29:32 PM] Lad: yes that is my choice
[8:29:38 PM] Mal: I know.
[8:30:04 PM] Mal: Ain't mine. I'm an atheist.
[8:30:51 PM] Lad: nice
[8:31:25 PM] Mal: I’m glad you approve. You'd be surprised how many people don't take that well.
[8:33:44 PM] Lad: only you I want
[8:34:00 PM] Mal: Um... OK
[8:35:34 PM] Lad: can you work with me
[8:35:44 PM] Mal: Depends.
[8:36:48 PM] Mal: Immediate problem is that your man Omar was an Iraqi who was killed in the fighting there. Given that I was serving in Iraq with the United States Marine Corps, it's going to look a little weird that I'm claiming to be his NOK.
[8:42:04 PM] Lad: I guarantee you that this will be executed under legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law as I will use my position as the Chief Operation officer to secure approvals and guarantee the successful execution of this transaction
[8:42:44 PM] Mal: That's as may be, but you can't stop people asking awkward questions.
[8:43:34 PM] Mal: I know who my kinfolk are, and none are Iraqi, on either side of the blanket.
[8:52:51 PM] Lad: I know that you have no problem I going to give you the three documents that it was given to you by late Hussein Omar Ibrahim, before he died
[8:54:03 PM] Mal: Excuse me, but I just gave you several reasons why there might be problems. You can't just handwave them.
[8:59:47 PM] Mal: Please acknowledge.
[9:00:21 PM] Lad: you have no problem I will use my position as Chief Operation officer to secure you any approvals and guarantee the successful execution of this transaction.
[9:00:44 PM] Mal: I don't think that you're paying attention.
[9:01:33 PM] Mal: How am I, a retired US Marine, going to be able to credibly claim that I am related to an Iraqi gold dealer?
[9:10:39 PM] Lad: I answer you question that you haave no problem over it in our company because I will use my position in our company to scure you
[9:11:59 PM] Lad: that I sure you that it 100 percent risk free
[9:12:08 PM] Mal: What about people other than in the company?
[9:15:14 PM] Lad: you have no problem I will use my position to cover you
[9:15:32 PM] Mal: I think you overrate yourself.
[9:15:33 PM] Lad: in our company
[9:15:54 PM] Mal: How about people OUTSIDE the company?
[9:21:06 PM] Lad: not that I overrate my self Iknow that when you send me your full information as I told you in the first message I sent to you that I will put your in our company as the next of kin Mr. Hussein Omar Ibrahim
[9:22:26 PM] Mal: Even though that's very implausible?
[9:29:48 PM] Lad: not understand your question
[9:30:02 PM] Lad: explain well to me
[9:30:21 PM] Mal: Holy shit on a shingle! OK, I'll try again.
[9:30:48 PM] Mal: People aren't going to accept that I could be the NOK to an Iraqi. So...
[9:35:38 PM] Lad: if you are iraq or not iraq you have no problem because I am going trict what to do you to received the fund
[9:36:02 PM] Mal: And after that?
[9:38:23 PM] Lad: you have to send me your full information for me to send you mail to direct you
[9:38:47 PM] Mal: You don't pay attention.
[9:39:00 PM] Lad: I am with you
[9:39:08 PM] Mal: Not really
[9:39:37 PM] Lad: I am with you
[9:39:59 PM] Lad: only I am in the office
[9:40:29 PM] Mal: (1) Private telephone online number....... none
(2)Your full address...... xx xxxxxx xxxxx xxxxx xxxxxxx Australia
(3)Your full names..... Malc0lm Paul Reyn0lds
(4)You're E-mail.... [email protected]
[9:40:37 PM] Mal: There are my details, dude.
[9:42:57 PM] Lad: you have to send me your full information as I told you in the message
[9:43:11 PM] Mal: That was what you asked for.
[9:44:55 PM] Mal: You got it.
[9:45:07 PM] Lad: you said no telephone
[9:45:41 PM] Mal: Correct. I suffered permanent inner ear damage from an IED in Fallujah.
[9:46:46 PM] Lad: we use it for test message if you have inner ear damage
[9:47:18 PM] Lad: it is very inportant
[9:47:21 PM] Mal: That's why I have a skype account. Great for chat.
[9:49:16 PM] Lad: you have to get phone for we test message any time because it is very inportant
[9:49:26 PM] Mal: Sorry?
[9:51:52 PM] Lad: because of the sriouseness of the business phone is inportant
[9:52:51 PM] Mal: Do you know how difficult it is to sign up to cell phone services these days?
[9:55:41 PM] Lad: I don,t know the difficult in your country
[9:56:23 PM] Mal: It is fucking impossible from what I've been told. It's easier to open a new bank account than to get cell service.
[9:56:37 PM] Mal: 150 points of ID.
[9:57:40 PM] Lad: if it can possible for you we continue here in the skype
[9:57:51 PM] Mal: That may be the only way.
[9:58:16 PM] Lad: you have no problem
[9:58:31 PM] Mal: OK.
[10:02:54 PM] Lad: I going to send you mail to direct you what to do later
[10:03:07 PM] Lad: I will stop now
[10:04:17 PM] Lad: thanks till we meet again
[10:04:30 PM] Lad: God bless you
[10:04:51 PM] Lad: bye
[10:04:51 PM] Mal: Good night.
[10:05:14 PM] Lad: the sam to you
[10:05:18 PM] Lad: bye

Nothing happened over the next five days.

21 October 2014
[6:46:53 AM] Mal: Mr Ankara, when you stop, you gorram well stop, it seems.
[6:49:32 AM] Lad: Hello not understand what you said that I to stop
[6:49:52 AM] Lad: explain well to me
[6:58:41 AM] Mal: I going to send you mail to direct you what to do later
[10:03:07 PM] Lad: I will stop now
[6:58:45 AM] Mal: Nothing since then.
[7:04:20 AM] Mal: So what happened?
[7:12:33 AM] Lad: Sorry it is because I am busy in the office tomorrow I will send you mail as I told you last time we are online
[7:13:20 AM] Mal: Is this a common occurrence?
[7:15:04 AM] Lad: not understand what you mean by a common occurrence
[7:15:19 AM] Lad: explain well to me
[7:15:23 AM] Mal: Do you often drop out of sight for days on end?
[7:18:13 AM] Lad: do you mean do I sign out my skype out
[7:18:55 AM] Mal: No - I mean, do you often promise to be in touch and then do nothing at all?
[7:20:16 AM] Lad: sorry it is because I am busy in the office
[7:20:42 AM] Lad: tomorrow I will send you mail
[7:21:09 AM] Mal: That doesn't stop you from sending an email, which should be the action of a couple of minutes at most!
[7:24:23 AM] Lad: that is truth because I don,t want any body to know about it
[7:25:04 AM] Lad: by tomorrow I will send it
[7:25:15 AM] Mal: I don't get that. You can't send emails because you don't want anyone to know about it? Including me?
[7:27:33 AM] Lad: I for call you on phone to tell you because we can speak on phone that the reason I can inform you
[7:28:58 AM] Mal: Lad: you said no telephone. Mal: Correct. I suffered permanent inner ear damage from an IED in Fallujah.
[7:29:11 AM] Mal: I did tell you!
[7:29:46 AM] Lad: you tell me I understand you
[7:30:26 AM] Lad: by tomorrow I will do that
[7:30:44 AM] Mal: You'd better keep that appointment.
[7:31:46 AM] Lad: I will keep it
[7:39:31 AM] Lad: I have to stop now
[7:40:14 AM] Mal: Roger that.
[7:40:19 AM] Lad: we meet online gain
[7:40:50 AM] Mal: Kewl
[7:42:03 AM] Lad: not understand what you mean by Roger that. Kewl
[7:42:43 AM] Mal: Just roll with it, OK? I wouldn't understand your slang either.
[7:48:52 AM] Lad: by tomorrow I going to send you mail to direct you how to contact our company you to receive the fund
[7:49:33 AM] Mal: The proof is in the pudding, dude. I'll believe it when I see it.
[7:50:32 AM] Lad: as the next of kin of Mr Hussien Omar from Iraq National
[7:50:55 AM] Mal: I don't have gorram ADD!
[7:51:46 AM] Lad: what do you mean by gorram ADD!
[7:53:04 AM] Mal: I don't have memory issues. You're like those TV programs where they give you a two-minute summary after every ad break - they must think everyone forgets everything more than five minutes old.
[7:55:54 AM] Lad: it is how you speak
[7:56:12 AM] Mal: Dude, it ain't down to me!
[7:57:11 AM] Lad: to understand it is not easy for me
[7:57:39 AM] Mal: How does that explain why you think I've got no memory?
[7:57:54 AM] Lad: that the reason I have to ask you to repeat it how I will understand it
[7:58:40 AM] Mal: Tell me something - what's your native language?
[7:59:42 AM] Lad: I did not think that you have no memory
[8:00:04 AM] Mal: That's not how it came down.
[8:00:14 AM] Mal: And please answer my question.
[8:00:47 AM] Lad: baku
[8:01:19 AM] Lad: is like fufu
[8:01:40 AM] Mal: What the hell?
[8:02:01 AM] Mal: "baku is like fufu"?
[8:02:57 AM] Lad: you ask mr to say thing in my local language
[8:03:21 AM] Mal: No fucking way did I ask you for some dumbass proverb!
[8:03:42 AM] Lad: ok
[8:03:42 AM] Mal: I asked you what your native language is.
[8:03:54 AM] Lad: ok
[8:04:02 AM] Mal: And...?
[8:04:43 AM] Lad: my local language in twi
[8:05:01 AM] Mal: You speak "twi"?
[8:05:58 AM] Lad: yes
[8:06:19 AM] Lad: it is my language
[8:06:36 AM] Mal: I speak two languages - English and bad English.
[8:07:02 AM] Lad: nice
[8:07:25 AM] Mal: You wouldn't think so if I used bad English on you.
[8:08:20 AM] Lad: mybe I can not understand you
[8:08:49 AM] Mal: Trust me, you wouldn't like it.
[8:09:49 AM] Lad: we learn only good english in the school
[8:10:27 AM] Mal: Um, let's not go into that issue.
[8:10:39 AM] Lad: ok
[8:11:05 AM] Mal: I don't think your teachers are qualified.
[8:11:41 AM] Lad: well I can say
[8:11:47 AM] Mal: If that was good English, then Paris Hilton is a virgin.
[8:13:00 AM] Lad: I can speak like you because english is your language
[8:13:18 AM] Mal: You've got a lot of ground to make up!
[8:14:00 AM] Lad: yes that is truth
[8:14:38 AM] Mal: I came top of every class in English expression. Contrariwise, I was the despair of my foreign language teachers.
[8:14:43 AM] Lad: put I can speak like you
[8:15:33 AM] Mal: Your mileage may vary, dude.
[8:15:41 AM] Lad: nice
[8:15:56 AM] Mal: I don't know if you quite got that last bit.
[8:17:02 AM] Lad: I did not get you well
[8:17:10 AM] Mal: Exactly.
[8:17:41 AM] Lad: yes
[8:18:17 AM] Lad: I have to go
[8:18:41 AM] Lad: we continue when we meet again
[8:18:50 AM] Mal: Sure.

There'll be more, I hope!

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