Mr. Cheater Goes on Safari (My First Safari, Woot!)

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Posted: Sun May 04, 2014 4:32 am

This bait is dedicated to
loualsindor - for his inspiring evil lawyer baits
kosai - who played a fantastic (and borderline psychopathic) evil trust fund manager
The Monsignor - for his wonderful S@fari Hotels modality and support

In February, I was finally able to return to baiting after a three month hiatus. I grabbed three emails from my spam folder, created a new character, and sent off replies. That's when my character, Roxy, met Dr. Ibrahim Lamorde, Chairman of the EFCC, also known as the scammer.

The bait was fairly straightforward at first. Dr. Lamorde was offering past scam victims a compensation fund. I especially hate recovery scams, so he got special attention. After he sent a few piggies, the bait began to go stale, so I introduced a new character: , trust fund manager from Hell.

Merrill recognized Dr. Lamorde as a scammer. He told the lad he would only be allowed to scam Roxy if the lad helped Merrill get Roxy's enormous trust fund. Not very bright lad thought Merrill wanted a piece of the fake recovery fund, and it took considerable effort to make him understand the Roxy had a trust fund all her own that she would inherit when she turned 25.

We spent several fun days emailing insults to each other.

Merrill wrote:

No, you dumb crook! I KNOW you don't have any money. You are a S C A M M E R. Scammer. 419. Thief. Fraud. You will never send anyone money.

Lamorde wrote:

ARE YOU CRAZY OR WHAT? DON'T YOU EVER TALK TO ME THAT WAY ANYMORE. I WILL HAVE TO GIVE HER THE RECEIPT OF PAYMENT SO AS FOR ME TO BE ABLE TO GET WHAT YOU WANT FOR YOU.

DON'T TAKE ME FOR A FOOL

Lamorde wrote:

I will want you to know that i am an International Figure, and will be coming down to the States within the next Weeks from now. i have all the email you to me as an evidence to take you court and nothing will stop me from making you face Jail Term.

Merrill wrote:

I look forward to meeting you, Mr. "Lamorde." Do stop by my office. We can exchange fraud techniques over coffee.

Dumbass.

Lamorde wrote:

Will coming down with the others body, such as the FBI, INTERPOL, IMF,

Merrill wrote:

Please do! Let's make a party of it. I will plan a barbecue and we can all stand around and laugh at you.

Lamorde wrote:

I will never agree with your Evil Plan, and let me tell you something, am not a Scammer and more so i will write the Bank a letter now to Confiscate her Funds and i know she will surely come back for her money from you.

Cheater

Merrill had also insisted the lad stop using the name Dr. Lamorde, since he obviously wasn't. After the last email quoted above, Merrill took "Cheater" to be the lad's signature and began to address every email to Mr. Cheater. The lad HATED the name, requesting in every email that Merrill stop calling him that.

The lad kept demanding a phone call with Merrill, and kosai generously agreed to step into the role. Some of kosai's hilarious phone calls with Mr. Cheater are in this thread.

The lad was hooked. He told Merrill his real name was Kelvin and offered to do anything Merrill asked in exchange for half of Roxy's inheritance. Merrill (now played by kosai) took him up on the offer. The lad's job was to make Roxy fall in love with him, so that she would marry the lad and he would have access to the trust fund too. Then Merrill and Kelvin would invest the money in wise areas and become megamillionaires, because women obviously can't handle finances.

kosai planned out a lovely Kentucky Fried Chicken themed courtship.

Step 1: A picture of the lad with chickens (Roxy's favorite animal)

At first, the lad refused. So we introduced Chinedu, a willing lad who happily sent the picture Merrill requested. At the same time, Kelvin had convinced Roxy to send him $765 (he was really stuck on this number for some reason). Merrill, who monitored Roxy's emails, sent the MTCN to Chinedu, who chopped Kelvin.

Kelvin (formatting preserved) wrote:

TO HELL WITH YOU, FUCKED YOU, YOU THINK I CARE ANYMORE NOW, YOU CAN GO AHEAD AND SHARE ROXY MONEY OR HER WITH THE GUY CHINEDU OR WHOM EVER YOU LIKE. YOU ARE JUST A BASTARD. I THINK I CAN TRUST THAT'S WHY I MAKE THE OATH WITH YOU, BUT NOW YOU CAN GO TO HELL WITH ALL THE MONEY.

YOU ARE JUST A FUCKING BASTARD.

After a few days to cool off, the lad thinks the better of his harsh words to Merrill, who holds to key to unimaginable wealth.

Kelvin wrote:

I have hereby attached all the Photos i took now for your Perusal and get back to me if they are Okay.

You are the Best Merrill.

The chicken looks stuffed. That simply will not do. It would break Roxy's heart to think anyone might kill chicken. Redo!

That's better.

Step 2: Special Herbs and Seasonings, Voodoo Style

Merrill wrote:

Kelvin:

I've found the love potion batter recipe, it is as follows:

oregano, chili powder, ground sage, basil, majoram, pepper, salt, paprika, onion, garlic, flour

Lad balked. He needed money for the ingredients, and he refused to proceed without a money transfer. Once again, Chinedu was ready and willing to help. Kelvin was not happy. Again.

Kelvin wrote:

NO PROBLEM, SINCE YOU HAVE BELIEVED IN CHINEDU AND YOU HAVE BROKEN THE OATH WE TOOK. I WILL YOU TO DEAL WITH CHINEDU THEN, SINCE YOU HAVE THE ACCESS TO ROXY MAIL BOX YOU CAN GO AHEAD AND DELETE THE PICTURES I SENT HER THEN.

I HAVE KNOW I CAN TRUST YOU CAUSE YOU HAVE MADE THINGS HAD FOR ME FROM THE START, WHAT I HAVE IN MIND DOING YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND AND YOU DON'T TRUST ME, SO I WILL LEAVE YOU WITH CHINEDU TO DO WHAT EVER YOU LIKE.

LET ME MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND SOMETHINGS, THE INGREDIENTS ARE NOT SOMETHING CHINEDU CAN GET SO EASILY, AND YOU THOUGHT AM AN HUNGRY MAN. WHAT I HAVE TOLD ROXY ABOUT YOU WILL MAKE HER BELIEVE YOU LIKE HER FATHER, CAUSE I HAVE MADE HER UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE A GOD SENT TO HER LIFE.

I HAVE NOT MADE ANY MISTAKE WITH YOU BUT THE PROBLEM YOU ARE HAVING IS THAT YOU DON'T TRUST, GO AHEAD WITH HIM. I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST, BUT REMEMBER THAT WE ARE UNDER AN OATH.

Oh alright. Merrill will send the money, but only after the lad fills out the required Homeland Security form. He sends in a 4 page form (pretty basic, mostly goofy questions about terrorism). Ah, but it has to be notarized!

And the bait stalls again. Kelvin doesn't want to approach an actual notary, so he makes up a ton of lies to try to weasel out of it. Finally, he tells Merrill that the money isn't worth all the trouble and gives up.

Too bad, because we never got to....

Step 3: A picture of the lad in a white suit with a bolo tie and a Colonel Sanders mustache and goatee. For the wedding, of course.

Posted: Sun May 04, 2014 4:32 am

A week passes. It's Roxy's birthday! She emails Dr. Lamorde, heartsick that he didn't remember to congratulate her on her special day. And the bait's back on.

Dr. Lamorde (surprise, surprise) needs money for his hospitalized mother. Roxy wants to help, really she does. She's banned from WU and MG because she has a felony conviction for arson (I don't why; it sounded good at the time, and the lad never asked for details). At the lad's urging, Roxy tries RIA.

The lad meets R@ndy Tom on Scammer Saturday. He's not terribly impressed, but he doesn't blame Roxy. After all, she had no control over the crazy man at the money transfer store.

Another alternative occurs to the lad: he can have Roxy deposit money directly into an account. I didn't like this approach at all, because it would make it harder for the police to track money laundering. So when Roxy tries it, she's tossed in jail for a week.

Merrill yells at the lad, letting him know what happened to Roxy. The lad is despondent.

Kelvin wrote:

How could that be, you think i want her to get into any problem? I liked , Loved her, and i have always been.

Can you tell me exactly what happen, cause here in Nigeria some can give you his or her Account to deposit money in it and there is no such things here, if what you are saying is real I will have to apologize to Roxy and you as well.

He also wants Merrill to call him. Unfortunately, real life has called kosai away for an indefinite time period, and I've taken over the emails again. So Merrill simply ignores him.

Roxy eventually gets out of jail again and this time, Dr. Lamorde needs blood pressure medication (if only it were true!) Roxy agrees to attempt WU, in spite of her ban.

Sometime earlier, Kelvin accidentally copied Roxy on an email to Merrill that exposed all their plans. It wasn't convenient to have Roxy notice it at the time, so I saved it. Now, as she's searching for the receiver information in her mailbox, she finds the incriminating email. Furious and betrayed, Roxy tells Kelvin never to contact her again.

Kelvin, in typical lad form, tries to shift all the blame to Merrill.

Kelvin wrote:

Hello Dear Roxy,

I am writing you this mail just to let you that, i have never planned any evil against you cause i love and care about you. I have told my Mum what happens and she told me to forget about you, since you do not believe me.

This was all Merrill's Plan, which i did not do and i have to lie to him so that he can allow you talk to me and send me some money, If you can remember i have always been telling you that Merrill has never sent me all the Money you have given him to send to me.

I have all the prove and if you want i can send all to you, he was the one that told me about your Trust Funds and he is trying to make me do things i don't want. Merrill ask my to get all the Ingredients to make a Love Portion so that you ca Love me, but i refuse to do it that is why he went to chinedu.

The Money you gave to your Friend Jamie to send to me was taken by Chinedu [remember the $750? he still won't let it go!] courtesy of Merrill and he told me that i will never get anything from you except i do what he asked. I will never do anything to hurt you and i swear to God, i want you to believe me.

You can read all the email below and see what Merrill has been asking me to do.

Roxy i really love you and i want you to Trust me.

PLEASE GET BACK TO ME.

And he sends tons of Merrill's emails to Roxy, along with much groveling. At last, Roxy sees the light. Merrill is a conniving snake. She fires him. Kelvin loves this and takes the opportunity to curse out Merrill.

Kelvin wrote:

YOU BLOODY BASTARD YOU BLACK MAILED ME FROM ROXY AND YOU HAVE THE GUTS TO GIVE MY NUMBER TO CHINEDU. [I especially loved this. Calls from an imaginary lad...scary.] YOU REALLY DON'T KNOW WHO HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH.

I AM GOING T DEAL WITH CHINEDU FIRST THEN AFTER THAT I WILL SURELY COME AFTER YOU, YOU BETTER START WATCHING YOUR BACK,CAUSE I HAVE PEOPLE THERE IN YOUR COUNTRY WHO IS GONG TO TRACE YOU.

Merrill isn't a live-and-let-live kind of guy.

Merrill wrote:

This isn't over, little boy. I will make you suffer, you have my OATH on it.

Meanwhile, Roxy decides if she wants something done right, she'd better do it herself. She puts $100K of the inheritance into traveler's checks, packs $5K in cash plus some diamond jewelry, and prepares to fly to Nigeria and choose her own investments.

Gloating, Kelvin sends to Merrill:

Kelvin wrote:

I will wait and see

Merrill cancels Roxy's Nigerian Visa. Foolishly, he overlooks the Ghana visa. Roxy makes reservations at the S@fari Hotel in Accra and hops a plane on Thursday. Kelvin can't wait.

Kelvin wrote:

Kindly get a Phone there to call me or Email me as soon as possible so that i can know how to board my Bus down immediately.

Kelvin wrote:

I do hope you wont change your mind towards me, cause my Mum is eager to see and meet you. also i want you to know that i would Love if I could Marry you.

Don't know if you would accept me, well just for you to know i will be taking the first Bus to Ghana tomorrow morning.

After a painfully long flight (it really is horrible, 24+ hours and 3 plane transfers), she arrives in Ghana this morning at 5AM. The hotel car picks her up at the airport, and she's all ready to meet the lad and invest her millions!

But where's the lad? Roxy doesn't hear from him until 4PM local time.

Kelvin wrote:

I HAVE JUST ARRIVE AT THE PARK NOW, I WILL GET T THE HOTEL SOONEST.

At 7:30PM local time:

Kelvin wrote:

I am trying to locate your Hotel here in Ghana and i seems to be lost can you please send me the Direction or you call me on my Ghana Number +233xxxxx

Roxy calls on the hotel's phone.

2014_05_03 14-03-15 live-redobaiter.mp3

"I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THE HOTEL FOR THE PAST SIX HOURS!!!"

"I AM STRANDED HERE!"

Roxy passes the phone to SH management. Unfortunately, I had a graduation to attend, but TM was gracious enough to take over the lad's further explorations of Accra. He will be posting additional audio soon. Basically, the lad finally found the location of the hotel, got cursed out by Randy Tom (again! first as a RIA clerk, now as an SH employee), and finally got so frustrated that he hung up every time TM tried to call him back. Laughing

Of course, you all know who the evil mastermind was behind this horrific disaster was, don't you?

Merrill wrote:

Kelvin, Kelvin, Kelvin. You didn't believe me when I said I would make you suffer. Maybe you'll believe me now. It only took a quick call and a couple thousand dollars for Mr. Ge0ffrey Smith to see things my way. I hear he sent you clear across the city while Roxy waited in vain.

But don't worry, Mr. Smith is holding her for me in the real S@fari Hotel. I'll be flying over myself to collect Roxy and her money, and to finalize things with Chinedu. Once I'm out of the US, the law can't stop me from investing Roxy's money how I choose.

I do love it when a plan comes together. Thanks for your help getting Roxy to Africa. As soon as I saw the charges on her credit card, I knew she had to be coming to see you. She would have complained if I had tried to make her go. I hate when women complain, don't you?

So you were useful to me after all, you little stool softener. If only you'd chosen to work with me, it would be you I'd invite to the hotel, and not Chinedu. Ah well, live and learn, eh Kelvin?

Crossing fingers for a massive rant when the lad gets this message in the morning.

Posted: Sun May 04, 2014 4:51 am

Redo, on behalf of Geoffrey and his Team, warmest congratulations from S@fari Hotels!

Posted: Sun May 04, 2014 5:06 am

Congratulations on some excellent baiting.

There are four KFC locations in Accra.

http://www.noworriesghana.com/sections/restaurants/fast-food/item/2155-kentucky-fried-chicken-kfc

Posted: Sun May 04, 2014 8:47 am

This is hilarious! Congratulations on the Pith Helmet

- can't wait to hear the latest calls!

Master Baiter Joined: 03 Jan 2014 Posts: 102

Great work! Wear your pith with pride and may there be many more to come.

Posted: Sun May 04, 2014 10:11 am

I think it is safe to say that you will get a great rant from your lad. I love these safaris with a rich back story that give life to the lad. My are often rather sloppy.
I especially love the photos where your lad look like a pimp. Fantastic work Redo.

Posted: Sun May 04, 2014 2:21 pm

Awesome job!

Posted: Sun May 04, 2014 2:33 pm

Thanks everyone! I hope it isn't over yet. The lad sent this to Roxy this morning:

Quote:

Good Morning Roxy,

I am really surprise to all that is happening to me since i came to Ghana Yesterday, also i am Stranded here now which i don't know what to do. If you can get out of that hotel would have Loved it, Cause here is what Merrill sent to me last Night. the Email is Below here and i don't know how this Happen. [He forwarded the last email Merrill sent]

If you can write my Number out and try and go out now and get a cab tell him to help you get a line and put it in your phone to call me and tell me where you are. I can come and get you out of the Hotel, cause i think Merrill and the Mr. Geoffrey are working together. [Gee, ya think?] Here is the Number you can reach me through +233xxxxxxxx.

You need to know that i have not Eaten anything since yesterday and i don't have a Dime with me to go back to Nigeria. [He's such a liar. He has 7 phone numbers and spent 3+ hours in a cab yesterday.]

Carefully Read the Email Below.

Roxy can't reply because the SH employees aren't dumb enough to let her keep her phone. Let's see what the lad does....

Posted: Sun May 04, 2014 4:17 pm

Great job redo!

Posted: Sun May 04, 2014 4:33 pm

Great safari! I love the KFC theme to the bait. Very creative stuff.

I am looking forward to what happens next, hopefully you can get him to travel further.

Posted: Sun May 04, 2014 10:25 pm

Well, here is the audio. A frustrated, tired Lad (and an arrogant one at that), plus the ever busy Geoffrey and his (dis)loyal Deputy Mr Randy...

NOT SAFE FOR WORK
Redo SH Accra Safari 3 May 14 (Compilation) (edit).mp3

Posted: Sun May 04, 2014 10:54 pm

Great stuff Thumbs up

Posted: Sun May 04, 2014 11:24 pm

Congratulations Redo and TM for the great baiting. Laughing

Posted: Mon May 05, 2014 1:54 am

Terrific. Great job. That Mr Randy Tom is quite the handy employee at the hotel. Give him a raise!

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