Sometimes I just love being daft (bait in progress)

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Posted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 8:33 am

Among all my more serious baits I sometimes like to have something a little more light: a lad with whom I have nothing invested, a complete throw away to whom I can just write fire-and-forget replies without caring if I get dropped or not. Usually these don't last for long, but now I have had one hooked for almost a month. So ladies and gentlemen I present you: Lovely Laura, the daftest loan lad I remember ever meeting and yours truly, the daftest customer Laura can hope getting.

Laura's opening format, when I found it from my catcher, was exactly what I was looking for when I wanted a new substitute lad:

Laura wrote:

do you need an urgent loan?if yes kindly get back for more info..........

Sure, why not. So I quickly figure out to apply my usual story of my character being scammed by another lad who needs to apply for a loan for an urgent lad payment. In this case the method of loan just happens to be Laura, and the other lad doesn't exist (at least yet). I didn't spell it out to Laura, but it was good enough for a back story for a completely irrelevant lad like L.

I wrote:

Hello! It is very good you have contacted me! I am in need of money for a business transaction and my bank won't listen to me. I can't go into details, but I will have means to pay you back in less than a week if this succeeds. I hope you will trust me and thank you! I will inform my partner at once that I will be able to fund the expenses!

Laura obviously bombarded me with a script at first.

Quote:

Attention Beneficiary,

Message received sorry for the late respond, well i will like to
inform you that we do give out loan/funds at 2.5% interest rate, We
will offer you loan as you requested, be rest informed that we only
attend to serious
minded individuals, if you are applying for this loan We will want you
to be very honest and serious about it, We will also want you to know
that getting a loan from this company is 100% assured with unlimited
grace of God.

So it all depend on you, I will want you to fill out the
borrower's information below and return back to us as soon as possible
so that we can proceed with this transaction, Well we must let you
know that this company will highly appreciate your urgent response in
this transaction, and we shall all be in service with you to make sure
you receive this loan fast and with good faith, with grace all things
are possible so we shall invest trust and honest in this transaction.

Qualifications On This Transaction:
1)The Borrower must be trusted with good faith and unlimited grace
2)Even with Bad credit, we still Guarantee the Borrower the Loan with
unlimited grace in this company.
3)The Loan Can Be Granted Even With low credit.
4) Fixed Rate Of The Loan interest is 2.5%.

LOAN APPLICATION DETAILS
Full Names:............
Gender:....................
Marital status:.........
Contact Address:...........
City/Zip code:..................
Country:...................... ..
State:........................ ..
Age:.......................... .
Monthly Income:..............
Loan Amount:...................
Duration of Loan:............
Date Of Loan Needed:.............
Weekly Income:....................
Occupation:................... ......
Purpose for Loan:.................
Phone Number:....................
Personal Phone Number:.........
Fax Number:......................

In acknowledgment to these details, We will send you a well
calculated Terms and Condition which will include the agreement’s of
this transaction, we will want you to fill the borrower's information
above and return back to us as soon as possible so that we can
proceed further in this transaction.

I figured I'd play along for now. That's my usual tactics with these throw away lads: get to the payment part quickly and only then start causing trouble. I know we could argue about this, but again, in Laura's case it didn't matter at this point if I would be dropped quickly. So I gave the lad all the details he wanted and got more script:

Laura wrote:

Hello My Valuable Customer,
This is to certify that the management of the above named loan
company has decided to grant you your loan request of EURO 2,000.00
after a brief discussion with our loan officers and board of
directors. We can grant you that amount of loan on one condition, We
need your trust and co-operation.

note:in this company we hate delay in business we deal with fast
transaction if you are okay with the loan terms and condition do get
back urgently for your loan transfer,

Rebuilding Society, itself a mutual not-for-private-profit social
enterprise, was established with the commercial objective of becoming
a permanent and sustainable institution supporting the growing social
enterprise sector. In order to achieve this we set our fees, interest
rates and terms and conditions to cover our costs and protect our
funds against losses.

The interest rate, arrangement fee, terms and conditions are set
separately for each loan. These notes are intended only as a guide for
enquirers and form no part of any contract, agreement or offer.
The management therefore has set up a couple of terms and conditions
with regards to the amount you requested for, the terms and conditions
are clearly stated below:

TERM AND CONDITION OF OUR LOAN
Loan Amount: EURO 2,000.00
Loan Interest Rate: 2.5%
Loan Term: 1 year
Monthly Loan Payment:EURO 168.93
Number of Payments: 12
Cumulative Payments: EURO 2,027.19
Total Interest Paid: EURO 27.19

Note: The monthly loan payment was calculated at 11 payments of
EURO 168.93 plus a final payment of EURO 168.96

Loan Period:
The term of the loan will depend upon the needs of the business, but
will not normally be less than 1 year or more than fifty years.

TRANSFER OPTIONS.

(1). Courier Delivery Service: In this process, an agent will have to
deliver your loan amount in a well packaged parcel, this parcel will
not be open by him or any other person until it is delivered to
you.The agent will come to your country and deliver this parcel to
your door step or deliver it to your office address.

(2) Western union money transfer: Here you are to send down your full
address your full name which is the name that we are to send the loan
to via western, once this has been provide we will send them to the
Western Union Head Office for transfer.

(3). Bank To Bank Transfer: Here you are to send down your banking
information so that we can forward it to the transfer department and
then they will have to transfer your loan amount into your bank
account. It normally takes four banking hours to get this done.
Note: A scanned copy of your state identity card or a driver license
will be sent along with this mail for documentation of your loan
process.

For the expedite and a step forward in this transaction you are
expected to get to me ASAP.

Bank to Bank Transfer:
The transfer of the loan must be a bank to bank transfer, except
otherwise stated by our company management or the borrower, so with
this you are advised to provide your full banking information for the
transfer in your next mail.

Information needed for the transfer

First Name.......................................
Last Name ............................................
Street Address .......................................
State..........................................................
Country..........................................................
Zip Code......................................................
Account Number.........................................
Routing Number.....................................................
Account Status...............................................
Bank Address....................................................

Loan refund:

The loan must be refunded back to the lender at the end of the tenure
the loan seeker is seeking the loan for without any delay. For this
reason, we are giving a maximum duration of (1) year to the loan
seeker so that he /she will be able to repay the loan within that
period. You are to note that repayment starts (6) months after
receiving the loan. And you are required to make a Monthly repayment
this is done because we do not want a situation whereby you are not
able to meet up with the monthly repayment. We will provide you our
account which you will be making the monthly installment after (6)
months of receiving the loan.

REPAYMENT :

NOTE: THAT REPAYMENT STARTS (6) MONTHS AFTER RECEIVING THE LOAN AND
YOU WILL HAVE TO MAKE REPAYMENT ONCE EVERY MONTH FOR GOOD (1) YEAR AND
THE FIRST REPAYMENT WILL START (JUNE). YOU ARE REQUIRED TO GET BACK
TO US AND LET US KNOW IF THE LOAN TERMS AND CONDITIONS ARE ACCEPTABLE
TO YOU SO THAT WE CAN PROCEED TO THE NEXT STEP REGARDING YOUR LOAN
TRANSFER.

God Bless You

Posted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 8:34 am

I went with the bank option because I saw an opportunity for a piggy there. So again, I made up some bank details fair and square, I'm a good maga.

Then Laura gave me the punchline I was expecting:

Quote:

Hello My Valuable customer,
I got your mail,so to make this transfer urgently now, I want you to
know that all applicants abroad{Outside the Country} MUST have to make a down
payment known as the NON RESIDENTIAL TAX FEE due to the Lending policy
175/Ur in the amended constitution of the ACT 2004 in the
lending policy which is Thus {EURO 80euro} of the Principle loan amount,
and once this is acknowledge, your funds will be transfer to your bank account
immediately without any delay.

God Bless You

Little did the lad know that this small sum 80 Euros would become a source of annoyance for him. But of course I will pay it. I'm a good maga.

I wrote:

Hello! I do not understand this! To what account do I send this money?!

And Laura bites:

Laura wrote:

Hello,
Note that you have to remitt this payment via WESTERN UNION MONEY
Transfer,to my chief receiving officer ( Iria Amiebelomo ) Below are
the full details in which you are to use in remitting this payment to
enable you receive your loan immediately.

Receiver's Name:Iria Amiebelomo
Country:Nigeria
Address: #25 Mission Road
State:Edo
City:Ekpoma
Text Question:Company Owner?
Text Answer: [Lad's name]
Money Text Control Number ( M.T.C.N) ten Digits Numbers
Amount to be Sent :£80,

Once the payment is made, i want you to get back urgently for your
loan transfer immediately

Transfer of your funds.

Sender's Name:
Sender"s Country:
Senders City:
Text Question And Answer:

MTCN# (Money Transfer Control Number)10 digits:
Total Amount to be Sent.. £80, Once we are in receipt of this above
information's and once the payment is confirmed it will only take four
hours for you to receive your loan okay.

I will be expecting the payment information's from you ASAP.

Do Have a nice day like never before.
Best Regards

When I didn't reply in a few hours, Laura sent another message:

Quote:

Hello
my dear customer how are you?i guess you are fine,so i just want to
confirm if you have been able to make the payment to enable you
receive your loan immediately okay,so am waiting to hear from you
asap,

Don't you just love the lad urgency? And the good old WU too. But I think I can offer an alternative in my own daft way.

I wrote:

I do not understand this payment details.

So let Laura explain me:

Laura wrote:

Hello
my dear i want you to know that this is the western union details in
which you are going to use to make the payment so that you will
urgently receive your loan into your bank account okay,

Sorry, I still don't get it. You know, my hamster just died and I'm a little daft...

I wrote:

What is western union? I use only bank to bank transfers.

I honestly thought we would have a little tug of war over this, but instead...

Laura wrote:

Bank Information....
this is one of our branch company secretary bank details so make the
transfer on it and get okay,

[Insert obvious mule's details in the US]

I want you to make the payment and get back to me with the deposit slip
once you have done with the payment okay,

99 revolu...I mean, little piggies of mine... Smile

Posted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 11:45 am

Finally got the thing formatted properly. Let's see if I can just stick it here as one wall of text...

-------------------------

I'm honestly quite happy with the results already seeing what my original goals were, but why stop there? I leave Laura fuming for a moment and sure enough, I get prompted again:

Laura wrote:

okay my dear customer you need to hurry up with it so that the company
can have full confirmation of your transfer,and with that the company
can urgently transfer your loan into your bank account immediately
okay,so am waiting to receive the deposit slip okay

God Bless You

I wrote:

Thank you. I will go authorize the payment tomorrow when the bank opens.

Laura wrote:

okay,i want you to get back to me as soon as you are done with the payment okay,

I wrote:

Hello. Payment is now authorized.

The next reply confirms it: Laura is daft and running out of script doesn't help:

Laura wrote:

you need to hurry up with it okay so that you can urgently receive
your loan okay

Fortunately before I get to reply, someone blessed with another brain cell takes over and sends me another mail.

Laura wrote:

Hello
my dear customer i receive your mail that the payment as been made
okay,so you have to kindly send us the deposit slip for the company
confirmation so that we can urgently arrange for your loan
transaction, you need to hurry up with it okay, so that you can

I don't feel like making the effort to make any fakes for this idiot or even send corrupted files. Why do that when I can just open my straight baiter toolbox and take out the good old one size fits all wrench: "When in doubt, ignore everything the lad said and play dumb."

I wrote:

Hello. When I get my loan?

And so the merry go 'round begins:

Laura wrote:

Hello
my dear customer i receive your mail that the payment as been made
okay,so you have to kindly send us the deposit slip for the company
confirmation so that we can urgently arrange for your loan
transaction, you need to hurry up with it okay, so that you can
urgently get your loan funds immediately okay

I wrote:

I think I should ask it from my bank?

Laura wrote:

okay my dear customer you need to hurry up with it so that the company
can have full confirmation of your transfer,and with that the company
can urgently transfer your loan into your bank account immediately
okay,so am waiting to receive the deposit slip okay

Sheesh, Laura is getting impatient again:

Laura wrote:

Hello
my dear how are you?i guess you are fine,so i just want to know the
update okay,please you have to hurry up with the deposit slip so that
the company can have full confirmation of your transfer,so that the
company can urgently arrange for your loan transfer okay,

At this point I'll let you folks in to a little secret: Laura also has a habit of sending all his emails three times with different subject lines, probably to avoid spam filters. I obviously haven't copied them all here, but now I decide to use it against him when I received the previous mail again three times at once:

I wrote:

Why your company sends emails so many times? I don't know to who I reply. To who I send the deposit slip?

Laura wrote:

Hello
my dear customer,i want you to know that the reason why there are
many replies is that you don,t always reply to our email,that is why
we keep sending you many email to make sure that you reply immediately
because we hate delay when transacting business okay,so my dear
customer you have to send us the deposit slip now okay, so that the
company can urgently arrange for your urgent loan transfer okay,and
sorry for the multiple email,get back asap

I wrote:

OK, so do I send it to you or one of the others? Who handles these things?

Laura wrote:

Hello
my dear customer i want you to know that am the lender,that you are
going to send me the deposit slip of the payment okay,so that the
company can urgently arrange for your loan transfer immediately
okay,so am waiting to hear from you asap okay,

Then Laura gets suspicious and contacts the mule apparently, because next I get this:

Laura wrote:

Hello
my dear customer,i have contact my secretary and she told me that no
money was send,and you told me that you have authorize the payment,see
my dear customer you have to to truthful on this transaction so that
we can transact this business in good faith and we all will be
happy,so my dear if you know that you don,t make the payment you have
to please go back and make the payment so that the company can have
full courage to lend you this loan amount successfully okay,so my dear

So what's next in the toolbox? Oh, right: "It's not my fault, I blame someone else."

I wrote:

Hello. I do not understand this? Where is my money if not there? I think your secretary is not honest with you because I paid the money.

I was so sure I would lose the bait right here. Instead...

Laura wrote:

Hello
my dear customer i got your mail okay,i want you to understand that
there is a little bit of misunderstanding right now okay, see my dear
customer all you have to do now is to try and send the deposit slip to
me so that i can take it for the confirmation to the company,see my
dear you really have to hurry up with it because this transaction is
now taking too long and i hate delay when transacting business okay,am
waiting for your urgent response,

I wrote:

OK. I have the slip here. How do I get it to you?

I wrote:

okay since you said that you have the deposit slip,you have to scan it
and download it and send it right away okay,so you have to hurry up
okay,

Huh? Scan? Download? Big words. But I will try my best.

I wrote:

OK.

Laura wrote:

hurry up okay.

It didn't really work as well as I had thought:

I wrote:

So I put the slip inside my computer and waited it to go but it will not why?

So Laura gives me technical advice next:

Laura wrote:

see you have to download it and send it to me okay,if you can don,t it
look for someone to help you okay.

Yay, new charactr opportunities! Sure, I'll bite!

I wrote:

OK, I ask my nephew.

Then the cruncher:

I wrote:

Hello. My nephew said he wants to call you. What is the number?

Laura wrote:

okay my dear customer this is my cell phone number [xxx xxx xxx],i
need an urgent call right now okay,see my dear customer you are just
delaying this transaction just make it up to me that you are not yet
make the payment,just hurry up with the payment so that your loan can
urgently be transfer to you immediately okay,so am waiting for your
call asap

God Bless You

Cue in Tururut playing my completely crooked nephew in a Skype group call while I'm muting my microphone and laughing my ass off on the background:

https://soundcloud.com/kostrich/tururut-vs-lovely-laura

Not only did he completely confuse the initial lad, he also managed to confuse the lad's buddy who took over at one point pretending to be the same lad.

And as far as my main character: am disappoint. Sad

I wrote:

Hello. My nephew said he called you but talked only with your secretary why did you give me wrong number to call?

Laura is getting pretty frantic...

Laura wrote:

Hello
my dear customer i want you to know that i did not gave you wrong
number,that was my personal cell number,i was in the lenders meeting
that was the reason he has access to my phone okay,and when i came
back he told me that one of my customer called and i wanted to call
you back i could not because you privated your number okay, see my
dear i want you to understand that you are dealing with the right
company where you can get your loan,am not a scam or partake in any
scam activities i really know that there are many scam on the internet
but am not one of them okay, all we just want from you now is your
trust and your sincerity so that we can transact this business in good
faith and we all will be happy having a nice business deal okay, so my
dear you need to co-operate with me and make the neccessary fee you
were ask to pay so that you can receive your loan asap,

So my dear customer am hopefully waiting for your urgent response so
that the company can urgently arrange your loan and transfer it okay,

And I? Well duh! I. Don't. Get. It.

I wrote:

I don't understand this who is scam please? My nephew said nothing like that. Can you call me?

Laura wrote:

Hello
i got your mail okay,i want you to understand that your nephen was
the one that was calling scam,see my dear customer i want you to know
that am not a scam,and i even wanted to call him back but i privated
his number and there is no way i can call him okay see my dear you
have to send me your personal cell number so that i can call you,i
aslo want you to know that you are just delaying this transaction okay
so you have to believe and trust me so that we can transact this
business in good faith,you have to urgently make the payment to enable
you receive your loan immediately okay,so am waiting to hear from you
asap,

God Bless You

The bank routine is getting boring, so time to start twisting the plot a little more again:

I wrote:

Yes well I still don't have my loan and my partner is getting really impatient because I promised him I would get the money for our project and there is nothing. So I want my money back and some other way to pay the fee to you. Also why do you ask for my telephone number again when I have given it to you in the past please refer to the details you asked me earlier.

Laura is not happy.

Laura wrote:

Hello
i want you to know that you are the one delaying this transaction of
yours,because your loan have been approve and register for long
waiting for your reply regarding the fee so that the company can
arrange your loan and take it to the bank for an urgent transfer into
your bank account,so my dear i also want you to to understand that is
100%guarantee that as soon as the fee is paid and confirm that it will
only take just 6hours for you to receive your loan,just try and make
the payment to enable you receive your loan and execute your plans
okay,so am hopefully waiting to hear from you asap,

God Bless You

Neither am I. Time for wrench number 3: ignore the idiot.

Sure enough, it takes less than 24 hours when I get this mail spammed to me three times within several hours:

Laura wrote:

Hello
Mr [Baiter name] how are you today?i guess you are fine,so i just want
to know why the sounding silent or are you not interested in getting
the loan anymore,why are you delaying this your transaction for God
sake,see you told me that you really need this loan so that you can
pay your bills and some order things,so why are you not replying to my
email to enable us proceed for your transaction,see if you know that
you are in need of this loan you have to get back to me now okay,

Duh! I may be daft, but I'm not stoopid!

I wrote:

Well I don't like being insulted all the time M'KAY!

Does Laura come back for more? Sure!

Laura wrote:

Hello
my dear customer nobody is insulting you okay,all we are doing is
trying to provide you with loan okay,and i guess you are the one that
is delaying your transaction,because your loan funds have already been
register and approved for long waiting to be transfer into your bank
account,and you refuse to pay the fee that will enable your loan be
finalize,all we are still saying is that you should just try and make
the payment so that you will get your loan immediately okay,am
hopefully waiting for your respond to enable us proceed for your
transaction,

So time for more plot twisting and seeing if the moron gets it now. I think I'll gradually start throwing some random nonsense in my emails just for the heck of it.

I wrote:

Well I have made the payment and I don't have my loan and I have even asked you some other way to make the payment but you just insult me and tell me I am delay. Your Kung fu is weak.

-------------

And that's basically where we're at, two days from a month now. Updates to follow.

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 22 Jan 2014 Posts: 14

Quote:

Your Kung fu is weak.

ROFL!

Posted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 5:59 pm

He's thick, an awful lot.

Posted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 6:27 pm

Favorite line:

Quote:

So I put the slip inside my computer and waited it to go but it will not why?

I know people like this!

I'm impressed. I always lose the loan lads pretty quickly. I had a group that I kept on the hook for a couple months, but they weren't nearly this entertaining.

Posted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 6:58 pm

Congrats! You've found a sure winner (for you, that is Laughing

)

Posted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 7:44 pm

Brilliant bait!

And wonderful phone call from Tururut too - I loved it.

Posted: Sat Feb 22, 2014 6:48 am

I think we will have to wait until Monday before it occurs to Laura that I still don't know what WU is.

-----------

Laura got my twist finally and is back on the usual single-minded track:

Laura wrote:

See my dear customer i want you to know that nobody is insulting you
okay,if you know that you are not yet make the payment just kindly go
to the western union now and make the payment for an urgent transfer
of the fee because there will be so much delay if you want to pay it
through bank transfer,your loan funds have been approved for long just
waiting for your respond regarding the payment to enable you receive
your loan okay,so here is the western union details to make the
payment,

Note that you will be remitting this payment via WESTERN UNION MONEY
Transfer,to my chief receiving officer ( Iria Amiebelomo ) Below are
the full details in which you are to use in remitting this payment to
enable you receive your loan immediately.

Receiver's Name:Iria Amiebelomo
Country:Nigeria
Address: #25 Mission Road
State:Edo
City:Ekpoma
Text Question:Company Owner?
Text Answer: [Lad's name]
Money Text Control Number ( M.T.C.N) ten Digits Numbers
Amount to be Sent :£80

Once the payment is made, i want you to get back urgently for your
loan transfer immediately

Transfer of your funds.

Sender's Name:
Sender"s Country:
Senders City:
Text Question And Answer:

MTCN# (Money Transfer Control Number)10 digits:
Total Amount to be Sent.. £80, Once we are in receipt of this above
information's and once the payment is confirmed it will only take four
hours for you to receive your loan okay.

I will be expecting the payment information's from you asap.

Do Have a nice day like never before.
Best Regards

Not only did he sneakily change the currency, but that wish at the end is even better. OK, back to the good maga routine for a while...

I wrote:

OK I go to my bank tomorrow. My hovercraft is full of eels.

Laura wrote:

okay my dear customer and you need to hurry up with it to enable you
receive your loan on time okay,i want you to urgently get back to me
as soon as you are done with the payment,and you have to make it via
western union money transfer so that your loan can be urgently be
transfer to you okay,thank you for your understanding

I wrote:

Hello. I went to bank today first thing in morning but I forget it is Saturday and banks are closed. This capitalist system oppressing the workers is intolerable and is doomed to fall! But I will go to bank on Monday to make payment!

Oops...

Posted: Sat Feb 22, 2014 2:31 pm

Laura appears to be awake on Saturdays and quickly replies with the usual crap...

Laura wrote:

i got your mail okay,so my dear customer i want you to urgently get
back to me with the western union information as soon as you are done
with the payment to enable you receive your loan immediately okay,

Stay Bless

...So I guess I could amuse myself with some back and forth nonsense and see how his script fares against my bottomless well of popular culture cliches and random stream of consciousness.

Lord Duckling wrote:

I find your lack of faith disturbing.

Laura wrote:

see my dear all am just trying to do is for you to urgently receive
your loan nothing more okay

I wrote:

I have told you I have go to bank today and it is closed on weekends. I forget. But I will go Monday when it opens. Jesus would turn the other cheek.

Laura wrote:

okay..........

I wrote:

I hope you believe in Jesus.

Laura wrote:

yes i do,am a God fearing woman okay

Promising. And the day is still young...

Posted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 7:04 pm

Come Monday, come merry go 'round.

I wrote:

Hello. I go to my bank this morning to say they make payment but they say they are not western union why?

Laura wrote:

Hello my dear customer i got your mail okay ,see i want you to look for
order western union to make the payment so that you can urgently
receive your loan today okay,

I wrote:

Hello. I don't know where is western union. I go to my bank with your email and they say this is not western union and they are angry to me why?

Laura doesn't seem to get it.

Laura wrote:

see my dear customer i want you to know once you got to the bank just
ask someone to direct you to the western role so that you can make
this payment and get your loan today okay,so here is the western union
information to make the payment okay see my dear you need to hurry up
so that your loan can be urgently finalize for once okay,

[Insert the payment details]

I wrote:

Hello. I call my bank with this and they say am wasting their time and are very angry now. All this violence! It's very upsetting!

Laura wrote:

see my dear customer you don,t have to call the bank okay, all you
have to do is just to walk to the western union and make the payment
not the bank is western union money transfer i have send you the
information okay

I wrote:

Bank is not western onion? My bank is very good ordinary bank is that bad? Where I find western union bank?

Laura wrote:

see my dear customer there is western union everywhere even in your
bank okay,see my dear customer when you get to any bank just ask
someone to direct you to the western union in that same bank okay,i
really want you to receive this loan asap,

I wonder if Laura himself has any idea what he is talking about anymore. But cool with me. I think we can still keep going for a while with this.

Posted: Thu Feb 27, 2014 5:42 pm

Some more merry go 'round later:

I wrote:

Hello. You is wrong. There is no western onion here. I ask many times. There is one in Helsinki but that is far away I must go there?

Laura doesn't reply. Instead I get this after a while:

Laura wrote:

Hello
my dear customer how are you?i guess you are fine,so my dear
customer i just want to know how far have you gone with the payment so
that you can receive your loan today okay,waiting for your respond.

I wrote:

Hello. Well I can't make the trip it is long way and I don't have car. Can I give money to Vladimir so he go and make pay you?

Due to circumstances just being favorable, I didn't bother waiting for a reply: instead I, Kuromaku and Tururut called Laura with Tururut again doing a brilliant job at playing my crooked nephew. Laura wasn't exactly thrilled to hear his business proposal:

https://soundcloud.com/kostrich/tururut-vs-lovely-laura-2

Just to make stuff look consistent, I sent Laura this:

I wrote:

Hello. I gave money to my nephew. He should be make payment soon.

Laura was surprisingly calm after the call.

Laura wrote:

Hello
my dear customer i got your mail okay,so am waiting to hear from you
with the payment information so that you can urgently receive your
loan okay,

God Bless You

What he didn't tell dear old me, though, was that I had sent him another email as Vladimir from another account just moments before, imitating Tururut's phone style in text as faithfully as I could.

Vlad wrote:

Idiot, this is Vladimir. My uncle gave me your email address when I said I wanted to write to you. Listen to me very well! You are a very stupid and uneducated person who can't even understand when I am trying to tell you on phone how you could make more money. So let me spell it out for you: You are NOT [Lad]. You are a small boy from Nigeria trying to fool stupid idiots like my uncle [Me] to pay you money! I KNOW that! There is NO POINT in trying to deny it! So stop trying! My uncle has given me the money and wants me to go make the payment for you in Western Union. I CAN do that. But I WANT part of the money. I want 50 % of it and 50 % of everything you SCAM from my uncle in the future. Do you UNDERSTAND idiot? 50 % and nothing less! We can do BUSINESS here! Or I can just take the money now and keep it ALL myself and you get NOTHING! NOTHING! Do you understand me, SCAMMER BUSHMAN?! NOTHING! So tell me if you are going to pay me or if you would rather have NOTHING! Can you do the basic math or not, goat farmer?

Laura was far less amused with this:

Laura wrote:

see my dear this is Mrs [Lad] secretary,you are not the one
that apply for a loan in this company,i want you to know that this
company is not what you think it is okay why do you keep calling this
company names,yes i know that there are many scam on the internet,i
want you to know that this company is not one of them non partake in
any scam activity okay, just stop insulting the reputation of this
company okay,we are not forcing your uncle neither you to apply for a
loan in this company since you are calling us scam but i want you to
know just one thing that the end shall tell okay,and if you know that
your uncle is not interested just stop your stupid email okay,and stop
calling because i have a lot of customers to attend to period

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