I'm going to die on New Year's Day - so the barrister says

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Posted: Sun Dec 29, 2013 1:31 pm

To be honest, a voodoo death curse would be much more amusing and credible as I'm not sure that Christianity recognises their validity. You haven't lived until you've had a proper voodoo death curse.

I'd have thought Barrister Festus Ezeli-Ndulue would know this.

Quote:

NEW YEAR DON DEY REACH NA SO SHALL IT BE TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY IN JESUS NAME AMENNNNNNNN U WILL DIE ON NEW YEARS DAY SO R.I.P IN YOUR GRAVE WITH YOUR FAMILY EWUUUUUUUUU.

That was just the message header. Laughing

Quote:

MUMU U R A BUSHMAN OF DI HIGHEST ORDER. MAKE U GET URSELF SOME EDUCATION FESS NA LEARN HOW FO SPELLL PROPER ENGLISH BI FO U ATTEMPT BI GUY. U BI SHAMELESS BASTARD SON OF A HE GOAT WHO FULKED A BABBOOM WHO WAS UR SO CALLED MOTHER DEN BORN OUT A MONKEY LAIK U. ILLITERATE APE NA UR MOTHER RAISED U ON DI FLOOR OF JUNGLE SUKING ANTS OUT OF GROUND USE STRIPS OF GRASS. MUMU ABEG U TELL ME WHY U WASTE UR TAIM NA SMOLL KOBO DROP FO CAFE TO WRITE DIS RUBBISHES U DEY SEND ME WATIN MAGGAR NEVER EVEN REPLY UR MAIL ONE TAIM? CHURCH RAT LAIK UNA NEVER EVEN GET AUTO RESPOND. SMOL SMOL CAFE BOI FORM LAIKE URS NOT FIT EVER MAKE MUGU PAY BILL. SURELY U ARE JUSS TRUK PUSHER SCAVENGER WIT NO PROPER SCHOOLNG OR KNOWLEGES. NA MA GUY LET ME KINDLY ADVICE U ONE TING OK. U NEVER DON SEE WESTY WHOLE LIFE. ABEG U DO URSELF FAVOR NAU NA GO BACK TO UR POOR IGBO VILLAGE NA CUT WOOD. STADIUM FOOL LAIK U, I HAFF NO MORE TAIM DEY WASTE ON UR STUPIDTY WATTIN I HAFF LOTS OF WORK TO DO MY CHAMBERS. BEASTLY BARBARIAN, GOD WILL PURNISH U NAU.

I particularly enjoy his reference to a 'BABBOOM' which may be related to a VA VA VOOM.

The deepest cut was his rugby reference to the Barbarians. He must know I'm a Tigers fan.

It goes in to my file of insults I can recycle to use against other Lads. Evil or Very Mad

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Mar 2012 Posts: 5373

That is beautiful! I wonder how much time he wasted writing that? I'd love to see more of his anger. Bravo!

Posted: Sun Dec 29, 2013 2:08 pm

Then he follows up with a belated PS Very Happy

before he's had a chance to receive my carefully crafted prose response.

Quote:

AT LEAST I HAVE PARENTS. IT WAS YOUR MOTHER THAT DIED FROM AIDS DOING ASHAWO WORK IN LAGOS AT ONITSHA MARKET AND UR FATHER WAS MURDR IN A ROADSIDE ROBBERY ATTACK. WHAT A PITY? Re: NEW YEAR DON DEY REACH NA SO SHALL IT BE TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY IN JESUS NAME AMENNNNNNNN U WILL DIE ON NEW YEARS DAY SO R.I.P IN YOUR GRAVE WITH YOUR FAMILY EWUUUUUUUUU.

I think the EWUUUUU is because he holds his breath as he types in a furious temper and this is the noise he makes as he starts breathing again.

I've looked up a really smart voodoo curse I received a long time ago. Laughing

This should get him going. Voodoo curses involving bones and fire are good stuff.

Quote:

I DON CARRY YOU NAME GO GIVE CELE PEOPLE
I've given your name to the fairies
THEY WILL BONE CANDLE FOR YOU HEAD. I SEND THE
and they will make a flower garland with candles for your head
NAME TO 7 PARISH AND NOW WORK DON START FOR
I've also told the parish priest and
YOUR HEAD. I NO DEY CORNER PPLE WORK NA VERY BAD
he wants to anoint your head too
THING AND E NO GOOD FOR GMEN ANYBODY WEY DEY
I also play with goblins and they aren't nice people
CORNER PPLE WORK NO DEY LAST YOU KNOW WHY BOIZ
They won't tell you first before they rush to smother you with kindness
GO QUICK KILL AM WITHOUT WASTING TIME. NOTE SAY D
so be careful to watch out for goblins
ONLY ADVISE I GET FOR U B SAY MAKE U WATCH AROUND
They're out to get you lurking round every corner
U NA UR VERY GUY DEY DO THIS KIND TIN DEM DON DO
I don't know why they'd do it to a nice guy like you
ME SO WATCH UR BACK LATER MAN. ONE BY ONE YOU
So take care - but don't worry 'cause we all die one day
GO DIE.

My translation in red probably isn't accurate. Laughing

Posted: Sun Dec 29, 2013 2:11 pm

This is serious stuff, in case you don't make it, I am glad to have known you TB. Very Happy

Posted: Sun Dec 29, 2013 2:36 pm

Cranking a Lad up in real time is quite relaxing, but he's getting a potty mouth now.

Quote:

CHINEGBOOM WILLFOOL....SMELLING IGBO IDIOT. AT LEAST TRY SPEAK SMALL ENGLISH...AS YOU DEY CALL URSELF YAHOO BOI.....IMAGINE..SO YAHOO DON TON TO PROFESSION FOR YOU...SO UNFORTUNATE!!! YOU BETA GO BACK VILLAGE WEY UR MATE DEY AT LEAST U GO DEY SEE SMALL CHOR CHOR FROM GAMBLE & PETTY STEALING. SEE PERSON WEY DEM DEY DRAG MAGA WITH...YOU OLODO..YOU KNO REACH...I KNO EVEN KNOW UR MAGA, NA WETIN DEY VEX ME, IF NOT YOU FOR SEE FILM NOW...NA DE SAME LEVEL WE DEY DO? HOW EFCC CONCERN WETIN I DEY DO? IF YOU WAN TRY GIVE ME UR SO CALLED MAGA INFO MAKE WE DRAG WEDER YOU SEE MA BACK. OKOKO EWU MPAM U ARE AN INTRESTING ILLITERATE STUPID IDIOT LIKE YOU HOW DID U GET HOLD OF INTERNET WHILE IN AJEGUNLE OLOSHI UR MAMA TOTO WEY DON BURN TO ASS FINISH WEY EVEN MONKEYS NO GREE FU-- AGAIN NA HIM U BAGGER OLOSHI OLOBRUKU GET SWOLLEN MOUTH WEY DON YELLOW FINISH LIKE FELA TEETH DEY TALK TO ME U KNOW WHO I BE U DEY TALK OF HOMEBOYS NO BE MAD AND LUNATICS LIKE U WEY UNA DEY SMOKE GBANA AND COCAINE ON OBALANDE BRIDGE MUGU BANZA MAKE DEVIL ABI SATAN PUNISH UR GENERATIONS UNBORN IF THERE WILL BE ANY AS I CURSE YOU AND ALL YOUR DILAPIDATED FAMILY TO BE IMPOTENT IF U ARE NOT ALREADY FROM NOW ON BASTARD IDIOT FOOLISH HOUSE BOY WAIT UNTILL UR MAD OGA CAUGHT U USEING HIS LINE AND SENT U BACK TO WHERE U COME FROM MY MAMA SAY I BE IGBO U NO DEY SAME GO KILL URSELF OTU GBA KWA NNE JI ANUOFIA. IDIOT - I DRIVE 2013 LEXIS AND MAKES $3500.00 MTCN TODAY AND YOU MAKES NO MONEY BCUS YOU MAS A JOBLIS IDOIT MUGU FOOL. YOU'RE A SENTIMENTAL FOOL WITH CAPITALL LETTER (F( SINCE U HAVE TIME TO REPLY GOAT EWU IKPU NNEGI YOUR MAMA TOTO IDIOT LIKE YOU: IT 'S YOU THAT WILL DYE FIRST BEFORE YOUR GENRATION UPON GENRATION ? GO TO HALL. VA FAIS FAUT AN ILLETRATE LIKE YOU. WHY YO NO PHONES ME AND I TELL YU I COME TO FU-- YUR JR SISTER IN HER SMELY ASS . HOLLA ME ON MY NEW NUMBER +234(he gave it too Laughing

) - EWUUUUUUU????

I must get my baiting phone working.

Baiting is risky and I knew the perils. Crying or Very sad

That does it - now I must pick him up in a straight bait and have him chopped by his Nemesis and watch him blow his top again. jump_4_joy

Posted: Sun Dec 29, 2013 2:42 pm

TB, I've every confidence you will see the New Year. Why would you believe a barrister? And Big X might be willing to see that you lad's phone is kept very busy indeed.

Posted: Sun Dec 29, 2013 2:46 pm

So, just the death curse he gave you for Xmas then?

Posted: Sun Dec 29, 2013 2:52 pm

I only hope that I've not deleted his original format.

Baiting a Lad knowing you have a killer punch line to deliver is baiter heaven.

Posted: Sun Dec 29, 2013 3:13 pm

Um, are you sure you haven't hooked a mass insult baiter by mistake somehow? Some of those insults look completely familiar.

Posted: Sun Dec 29, 2013 3:24 pm

"babboom" is from Master's custom tag Wink

Some do look familiar, the second rant is much more Pidgin though; it is possible that he sent an offhand insult copied from a bait script but went mental when you told him the faries and goblins were out for him, and sent the second, much more carefully crafted insult.

In any case, he is obviously highly vexed. Good job Terrence Thumbs up

Posted: Sun Dec 29, 2013 3:50 pm

If you don't make it, I have a barrister lad who would be happy to find your next of kin for you. How much are you leaving? $10 million? $20 million?

Very Happy

Posted: Sun Dec 29, 2013 9:16 pm

Yes - you're correct. I appear to have hooked a baiter from another baiting site. Embarassed

On the good side - I have collected and saved some amusing insults in my back pocket for future use.

I have two slow moving baits and too much time on my hands clearly.

When things are a bit slow I can't resist sending out some random lines just to see if I catch anything interesting. Hopefully I've purged this addie from my library.

Posted: Mon Dec 30, 2013 5:47 am

Oh no! That sucks. Still some good stuff though. Laughing

Posted: Mon Dec 30, 2013 3:15 pm

It's a hazard of baiting, but the worst outcome is I look like a fool, which doesn't do me any harm.

Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 1:13 am

So have you survived to see 2014?

Moderator Joined: 10 Jan 2007 Posts: 13497

@TB ---- yeppers, those are some very stale and old "insults" from a baiter from "elsewhere". Sorry I didn't catch this thread earlier. Fear not, I went three rounds with him earlier this year before I caught on.

The use of the terms "DI", "BOI", and "DE" are usually indicative of certain baiters trying to do the ladspeak thing, as is the use of "you" and "U" and "your" and "UR" interchangeably in the same script.

Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 8:50 am

Well, it's the new year and TB didn't die, so I consider it a YAY! Thumbs up

Posted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 10:30 am

Back in April 2011 one of my orphans was angry enough to send down a voodoo curse.

Lad (8:34 PM): YOU WILL DIE IN CAR ASIDENT I GIVE YOU 4 DAYS
Lad (8:34 PM): READY TO DIE
Lad (8:34 PM): DO YOU KNOW NE YOU FULL
Lad (8:34 PM): CAR WILL NORCK YOU IN ASTREET MAKE IT 2DAY
Lad (8:35 PM): I GIVE 2DAYS
Mal (8:35 PM): You really do believe in that voodoo shit, don't you?
Lad (8:35 PM): YOU WILL DIE BY CAR
Lad (8:35 PM): FULISH MAN LIKE
Mal (8:35 PM): See you on Saturday. I'll email you.
Lad (8:35 PM): GOD WILL PONISH YOU WELL
Mal (8:35 PM): For what?
Lad (8:35 PM): YOU LIEYER
Lad (8:36 PM): YOU WILL DIE BY CAR ACC
Mal (8:36 PM): What did I lie about?
Lad (8:36 PM): YOUR MOTHER YOU WILL DIE
Lad (8:36 PM): YOU ARE PLAYING WITH WULOMO
Mal (8:36 PM): O RLY?
Mal (8:37 PM): And what the Sam Frick is WULOMO?
Lad (8:37 PM): WOLOMOM WILL KILL YOU FOE ME IN 2 DAYS
Lad (8:37 PM): DEVIL GO AWYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Lad (8:37 PM): OK
Mal (8:37 PM): WOLOMO? WOLOMOM? Who in Hell is that?
Lad (8:37 PM): MAKE PREPARE TO DIE BT CAR
Mal (8:38 PM): Come on, you little ****** - who is this WOLOMO?
Lad (8:38 PM): TELL THAT YOUR PRISTITUDE DAUTHER THAT YOUR TIME IS UP TO DIE I SWELL WOLOMO
Mal (8:38 PM): Hey, she told the truth - you're ugly.
Lad (8:39 PM): YES BUT U WILL DIE I DONT HAVE PROBLEM WITH YUO LIE AGAIN
Lad (8:39 PM): TIME TO DIE
Lad (8:40 PM): IF YOU DID NOT SEND THIS 100$ WOLOMO WILL FINISH YOU FOR ME
Mal (8:40 PM): I'll email you on Saturday with the latest news. Deal?
Mal (8:40 PM): Who is WOLOMO?
Lad (8:43 PM): THE GODS WHO WILL KILL YOU BY CAR ACCIDENT
Mal (8:44 PM): I thought you're a Christian.
Lad (8:44 PM): I CAME FROM ROYAL FAMILLY OK
Mal (8:45 PM): You are delusional.
Lad (8:45 PM): YOU ARE JOKING WITH WOLOMO
Mal (8:46 PM): Voodoo gods and Royal blood? Who do you think you are - Harry Potter?
Lad (8:46 PM): OK
Mal (8:46 PM): You do think you're Harry Potter?????????????????
Lad (8:46 PM): YOU ANY THING YOU WANT OK BUT I PROMISE U ON 2DAYS YOU ARE GOING TI DIE
Mal (8:46 PM): Holy shit on a shingle, I was joking...
Lad (8:46 PM): BY CAR ACCIDENT
Mal (8:47 PM): And when that doesn't happen, what will you say?
Lad (8:49 PM): FORGET YOUR SELF OK
Mal (8:49 PM): How does that work?
Lad (8:49 PM): IF U SEND THE 100$ THEN YOU ARE FREE AND FIR
Mal (8:50 PM): Well, as we say in the US, we don't give in the terrorists - even comical ones.
Lad (8:51 PM): YOU WILL DIE THAT IS MY PONT
Mal (8:52 PM): And when I don't, I want to know what you'll say then. That's my point.

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