Is she playing me?

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Hello I'm New here! Joined: 24 Sep 2013 Posts: 1

I've been talking to this camgirl for several months now. I am 24 she is 21 and we're both from Europe.

Originally, she was very guarded (which is what camgirls ought to be I think) when it came to my meeting her in real life. She'd semi-jokingly say she would like to move from her country (I assume everyone does anyway) and she'd like to travel. The first red flag was that she said she couldn't travel 'cos she had no money for it. She's a very popular camgirl so I doubt that. But if it's true that she supports her family and herself and she's saving money to get out, it might be true. But it is definitely suspicious.

I should also say I never asked her anything sexual. We just talked. She's very pretty and sexy so it's not that I don't want to see her naked, I just don't see her as a cam model and I am not really into virtual sex either (I won't explain how I got in a cam website in the first place but I did not do it for the usual reasons - it's a long story and irrelevant to this topic)

Anyway, she "revealed" her supposedly real identity to me. She gave me a different name and a different country (where, she said, camming is illegal and it is, I checked) a few days after I told her I liked her and thought about her. She also became less guarded and more friendly - she was always semi-friendly ofc but even more now.

She suggested that we meet neither in my own country nor in hers. She wanted a neutral country because she said I'd find her own city boring (not really, I think I'd like it but I can see why she'd say that) and that people there do not speak English (true, I checked, it's difficult to get around if you don't speak the language and I don't).

I can't think of any reason why she wouldn't want to meet in my own country - if she wanted to scam me, what reason could she have not to meet me here? I understand why she wouldn't want to meet in her own country - she couldn't ask me for anything. I would pay for my own tickets, my own hotel room. Nothing she could get out of. But why wouldn't she meet me in my own country? she could still tell me she needed money for a visa or for tickets. No reason to want to meet somewhere else.

Anyway, she did finally agree to meet in her own country (wasn't a problem as I said, she just preferred elsewhere) and she told me she'd like to meet at a concert in her city (the band is very popular and I saw the touring dates on their website - it's real). I don't find that very suspicious 'cos as I said, there's nothing she could ask for. I'll book everything myself.

Now on to the hardcore stuff:
The most serious red flags are that, surprise surprise, her grandpa has cancer and the healthcare system there is corrupt so she has to pay for stuff (that I believe absolutely but the story IS as classically scammy as it goes). She hasn't, quite obviously, asked me for money (I am not gonna give her any money anyway) but I think she might in the future. I've told her I know she makes a lot of money and I did tell her I know how far even $100 go there. What she makes is definitely very high for even the highest paid professionals in her country (and very very good even for someone her age living in my own country which is among the most prosperous in W. Europe).

Anyway she claims she likes me and to be honest, I believe that in a minimal sense. Who wouldn't like someone who didn't make her do things she didn't like, was close to her own age and liked similar music and had similar interests? I don't suggest that she likes me as anything more than just a semi-regular customer who treats her nice (again I don't ask for sexual stuff and never had). She even wondered whether I was gay...?

Anyway I don't think there's more to that but I do really like her and my question is whether I should keep talking to her (I have to pay to talk to her ofc) and meet her in the future as I do not intend to spend any money on her until then. If we form a real relationship and I get to meet her friends, family, etc - I will. But not until then.

OH I should also say that she admits I have no reason to trust her. She doesn't think I ought to trust her, she says I'll judge from her actions in the future. But as I said, her stories are classic and her attitude about them suspicious.

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 04 Oct 2013 Posts: 2

1) She doesn't make a lot of money - she gets less than 10% of what you pay to chat to her.
2) She doesn't want to meet you anywhere where she might be spotted by her "employers"
3) She probably will ask you for money - she probably needs it
4) By paying to chat to her you are contributing to her exploitation
5) By forming any kind of relationship with her, you are probably endangering her
6) You're 24. Go out, meet a girl, get a life.

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21155

To be honest, given the very limited information here, I would say that this girl is keeping you on as a paying customer by telling you the things you want to hear.

It does not fall into the AFF category though because you know you are paying to talk to her. This is one I am sure will be female, but really should be viewed on par with a stripper.

I can't say I understand the reason for the desire to meet in another country but someone else here might know why.

A lot checks out but a lot rings fertilizer. I am not sure anything we really say will make your choice different than what you have made already. I am sure your mind is set and nothing wrong with testing a sounding board. This is rather different than our usual.

Posted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 11:46 am

You had me at "Camgirl". I read the rest out of courtesy but NV is absolutely right, she is a professional attention seeker and her behaviour is getting increasingly manipulative and devious.

You will end up getting well out of shape on this one. She hasn't asked you for money, but you've identified her need for it anyway. She just didn't use the actual words "Send me money". She just revealed a need for it and you did the rest. William Burroughs had a clear view of this - "Never trust a whore who says she doesn't want money. What she means is she wants MORE money. much more".

AFF is isn't; it is moving towards a romance scam which is just as dangerous.

Meeting in another country is so you can get a sudden phone call saying she's been arrested at Customs and needs $x000 to process her visa paperwork properly. Then she gets sent home anyway and will need a new airline ticket. Or her uncle gets sick or some shit. It's an old trick and puts you in a position of urgency which is hard to ignore or refuse. This will happen when she thinks you are properly hooked enough to respond to a sudden need for cash. Once you start paying she won't leave you alone and you can pretty much say goodbye to your sanity and self respect as well as your savings.

Drop it like a hot brick and move on. This is not somewhere you want to be.

419Eater is my life Joined: 18 Jan 2010 Posts: 353

Well, I would say you wouldn't be here posting this thread if you didn't think something wasn't right. And if your gut tells you something is off, it probably is. As others have mentioned she's a camgirl...that doesn't make her a bad or dishonest person by default, but it does speak of her character and you know that. If she had a real interest in you she would talk to you off the clock on a personal account, and even then you're still moving suspiciously close to something called a pro-dater scam. That's just my opinion, of course. Take it or leave it.

Baiting Guru Joined: 31 Jan 2007 Posts: 12237

Nailgunner wrote:

Drop it like a hot brick and move on. This is not somewhere you want to be.

I agree 100%. Probably not what you want to hear Stratovarius, but trust us, we know this shit inside and out.

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 08 Oct 2013 Posts: 1

Sorry to tell you this kid, but everyone here is right. I used to work as a phone sex operator and it's her job to tell you what you want to hear and to get you to pay her as much and as often as possible. She's not getting rich because she works for someone else. She may be a very nice person but you aren't the only person she's being nice to. I used to have quite a few guys that really liked to talk to me because I was so nice but I still charged them by the minute, whether we were talking about our favorite bands or talking sexy I and didn't tell them that my husband was upstairs asleep. Could that be why she doesn't want you to come to her? You are going to get hurt because you seem to have a nice heart.

Posted: Tue Oct 08, 2013 1:20 pm

I think your choice of username says it all - you've identified that you're being played. It's a brilliant sign that you've recognised it.

The girl is probably a nice girl, working hard entertaining a bunch of letcherous guys to try to get by. Yes, sure, she'd almost certainly not want to be doing it, and you've identified that she probably does really dream of a different life. The circumstances of your meeting though suggest you'll only ever be a mark, even if everything else came 100% true.

Cam her one more time, thank her for being a great companion for the past x months, but that you're unable to continue and wish her well. Then it's time to go out into the wider world even if it means being single a while longer - that will change, and change all the better for making a clean break.

Baiting Guru Joined: 31 Jan 2007 Posts: 12237

This entire thread reminds me of a song. Sorry in advance to the younger crowd.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPwq0YoOy4g

Posted: Wed Oct 09, 2013 7:17 pm

I agree with Boofles... Trust your gut... It's telling you all you need to know!