Rachel and Dr Ando

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Posted: Tue Jul 30, 2013 11:02 pm

{I'm putting Rachel's baits here, one after the other, as they occur. The current one, with Dr Ando, starts here.}

Some lads cling to their script like it's a sacred text.

Lad wrote:

Attention.

Good day, Please we need your current home address and telephone number to enable us start sending your 2.5USD to you as we were instructed by IMF to be sending you $5000.00 each day till the whole amount 2.5USD,
Now we need your full name....
Home Address..
Telephone number....

Forward to this ([email protected]]

Or call with this telephone number +229-xxxxxxxx

Thanks

Regard
Dr.Barry Don

I wrote:

Dear Barry Don,

Why are you sending me this?
I've already sent the two lots of money for paying the barrister and the courier company. Your agent, Darren Harvey, confirmed that he picked up the money. What is the meaning of this new email?

love,
Rachel

Lad wrote:

Attention,

We thank you very much for your urgent responds to us today regarding the transfer of your first payment by our department as instructed by the ministry of finance to transfer Your winning Price $2.5 million USD to you which we can only transfer $5000 per day as this is the daily limit of transfer to one name here in Benin Republic.Take note that the transfer has already been made to your name and the MTCN will be given to you on phone or email as soon as you have been able to send to us the transfer charge and your file opening fee which is $195 USD.

And take note that the name on the payment receipts of this our transfer charge is the same we are transferring your first payment. Why we have not been able to give out the MTCN to you is that we want to make sure that we did a successful transfer as soon as we receive the transfer charge information of the $195 USD from you as the sender so that we can also make sure you pick it with the same name you used in sending us the transfer charge and the opening file fee.Below is the western union information on how to make the payment via western union today. And make sure you email us the western union payment MTCN and the senders name so that we can be able to confirm the payment here and give you the MTCN of your first $5000 USD

RECEIVERS NAME ...... Exx Cxxxxxxx
COUNTRY ....... BENIN REPUBLIC .
CITY--------- COTONOU .
AMOUNT $195
TEXT QUESTION; WHEN
ANSWER; NOW
SENDERS NAME
MTCN........

Please call us +229 xxxxxxxx as soon as this transfer is made today via western union so that we can be able to give you the western union MTCN of your payment today.

Best Regards
Barry Don
Phone;+229 xxxxxxxx
Western Union Director.

I wrote:

Dear Barry Don,

Thanks for your email but really I don't know why you are sending me this, I have seen it all before when I was dealing with Mr Darren Harvey. What has happened to him, anyway? I sent him the two payments and then I never heard from him again. Does he still work with your company?
Please explain why you sent me this email again when I've already paid the two fees that Mr Darren Harvey said there would be.
And where is my money? It's been three weeks now and I still haven't seen the transfer take place.

thanks,
Rachel

Lad wrote:

WE THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR URGENT RESPONDS TO US TODAY REGARDING THE TRANSFER OF YOUR FUND AND AS FOR YOUR QUESTION THE PAYMENT YOU SENT DID NOT REFLECT IN OUR FILE SO TRY AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE TO SEE THAT THE FEE IS SENT WITH THE BELOW INFORMATION SO THAT WE CAN BE ABLE TO GIVE YOU THE MTCN OF YOUR PAYMENT.

I wrote:

Barry Don,

I HAVE SENT THE PAYMENTS ALREADY. I sent them to Mr Darren Harvey when he was dealing with my case, and he confirmed that the money was picked up. He sent the money to the barrister handling the contract and to the courier company to pay for the demurage charges. This has been confirmed. Why must I pay it AGAIN? I wonder if you are trying to trick me but I hope not.
Contact Mr Darren Harvey if he is still there and he will tell you that I have paid those two fees already.

thanks,
Rachel

Lad wrote:

I DONT KNOW WHO YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT BUT TAKE NOTE THAT TODAY IS THE LAST DAY GIVEN TO YOU TO TRANSFER THE REQUIRED FEE AND IF YOU FAIL TO DO THAT WE ARE GOING TO CANCEL THE TRANSFER TODAY.

I wrote:

Mr Barry Don,

I did not like the tone of your last email, especially as it was written all in capital letters. That is very rude and I am quite upset now.
Also, I have paid the two payments that Mr Darren Harvey said I needed to pay. Why are you asking for more money? I don't understand you. Are you making me a fool here? Talk to Mr Darren Harvey and he will tell you everything and will explain it all.
Now please, calm down and take a deep breath before replying, and make sure you are being helpful. Mr Darren Harvey was always helpful and he said that anyone who isn't helpful in our day and age should be ignored and cast out of good society because it costs nothing to be nice to people.

Rachel

Lad wrote:

Attention,

We thank you very much for your urgent responds to us today regarding the transfer of your first payment by our department as instructed by the ministry of finance to transfer Your winning Price $2.5 million USD to you which we can only transfer $5000 per day as this is the daily limit of transfer to one name here in Benin Republic.Take note that the transfer has already been made to your name and the MTCN will be given to you on phone or email as soon as you have been able to send to us the transfer charge and your file opening fee which is $195 USD.

And take note that the name on the payment receipts of this our transfer charge is the same we are transferring your first payment. Why we have not been able to give out the MTCN to you is that we want to make sure that we did a successful transfer as soon as we receive the transfer charge information of the $195 USD from you as the sender so that we can also make sure you pick it with the same name you used in sending us the transfer charge and the opening file fee.Below is the western union information on how to make the payment via western union today. And make sure you email us the western union payment MTCN and the senders name so that we can be able to confirm the payment here and give you the MTCN of your first $5000 USD

RECEIVERS NAME ...... Exx Cxxxxxxx
COUNTRY ....... BENIN REPUBLIC .
CITY--------- COTONOU .
AMOUNT $195
TEXT QUESTION; WHEN
ANSWER; NOW
SENDERS NAME
MTCN........

Please call us +229 66446640 as soon as this transfer is made today via western union so that we can be able to give you the western union MTCN of your payment today.

Best Regards
Barry Don
Phone;+229 xxxxxxxx
Western Union Director.

This is just his first reply.

I wrote:

Seriously, Barry Don, what the hell?
I have paid Mr Darren Harvey all of those fees. He has confirmed picking up the money. PROCEED WITH MY TRANSFER ALREADY, GODDAMMIT.
I am getting very impatient with you now. I never had any of this messing around with Darren Harvey. He was professional and courteous, and explained everything whenever I asked him questions. In comparison, you are being an absolute arsehole and I do not like your attitude. I want to deal with Mr Darren Harvey NOT YOU.

Rachel

Posted: Tue Jul 30, 2013 11:19 pm

This email arrived two days ago, and since I have not run any baits from this account for over two years and definitely haven't mentioned Darren Harvey's name in "Rachel"'s emails ever before, there's a good chance that this is "Barry Don" or an associate trying to hook from a different angle.

The following email is not just plain text, but HTML with coloured text and different fonts and formatting.

Lad wrote:

OMNI INTERNATIONAL FREIGHT DIPLOMATIC COURIER SERVICES. *AIR FREIGHT *OCEAN CARGO *CARGO MOVEMENT
*REPACKAGING *CONTAINERIZATION*WAREHOUSING *CONSOLIDATION
Office: 225 Eastcote Lane,South Harrow.
_____________________________________________________________________

REF: 3573GMCC PRIORITY: ***** DATE: 29/07/2013

Dear Mr Rachel ,

Good day to you. This is to inform you that we are in possession of a certified diplomatic parcel with identification number CPEL/OWN/9877 that was deposited with us by Mr Darren Harvey who deposited an ATM parcel package which is to be couriered to you, we have sent several notification to your email address but did not receive any responds from you.

NOTE: We have securely sealed and package your ATM-CARD for security reason which makes it impossible for any one to view it until it's been deliver to you upon option of delivery chosen by you to be fully insured by Nicon Insurance Cooperation upon payment confirmation of your delivery charges. You are requested to choose from the options listed below your choice and cost of delivery.

To enable us dispatch your ATM card parcel, there are different express channels for delivery system, kindly see below for the charges required to pay including tax fee added and choose the one that is most convenient to you .

AMS - Advanced Messaging Security
AMS EXPRESS DELIVERY--24HRS DELIVERY
Mailing:$390.00
Tax:$200.00
Doc Processing fee:$50.00
TOTAL:= $640 USD

AMS:Advanced Messaging Security
PREMIUM CLASS DELIVERY--48HRS DELIVERY:
Mailing:$ 300.00
Tax:$ 200.00
Doc Processing fee:$50.00
TOTAL:= $550 USD

Note that we do not deliver to P.O.Box address or street corners Question

but to your residence. Reconfirm your delivering address below and late us know if there is any changes

Full Names:
Phone #:
Your delivery address:

DESCRIPTION OF PARCEL TO BE DELIVERED:
Weight of parcel.................................. 1.13 kg
Color of parcel.....................................Brown
Length of Days.....................................pending on your choice of delivery.

Parcels

Yours In Service,
Mr.James Wilson
Call:+4470xxxxxxxxx

© 2013 INTERNATIONAL FREIGHT DIPLOMATIC COURIER SERVICES GmbH.

1.13kg for a bank card? What's it made from?!?

I wrote:

Dear Mr James Wilson,

Thank your informative email.
Before I follow the instructions contained in your email, I must ask a question that is very important. Are you acting on behalf, for, or with a certain (and excuse my language but it is justified) knob-end known as Dr Barry Don? I am trying to get through his thick head that I have paid two fees already to Mr Darren Harvey but he is refusing to cooperate and proceed. I am unsure what has happened to Darren Harvey and I pray to God almighty that he has not been fired and replaced with Dr Barry Don. That man, that so called "Doctor", is a complete tosser who is (again, excuse my language but it is very justified) rubbing my tits the wrong way with every email I receive from him, and I am starting to hate him with a passion.

Please respond with kindness, compassion, and professionalism. Three things that are missing from Barry Don's communication.

love,
Rachel

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 30 Mar 2012 Posts: 947

It looks like the lad went ahead and skipped to the next part of his script. I'm guessing that this is the email you would have received if you had paid the initial fee. Now you get to deal with the shipping company and all of their fees.

Posted: Wed Jul 31, 2013 11:04 pm

^^^ I agree. "Barry" hasn't replied for over 36 hours, and usually he's really quick at getting back to me.

James Wilson, however, continues to pester Rachel for shipping options...

Lad wrote:

Dear Mr Rachel ,

Good day to you. I have receive your reply regarding your parcel. i'm writing g this mail to inform you that i'm not acting on be half of barry Don or any body, your package was registered with us by Mr Darren Harvey who gave us your contact details to contact your for the delivering of your pparcel You are requested to choose from the options listed below your choice and cost of delivery.

He then C&Ps his original email with the courier options for me to choose from.

I wrote:

Dear James,

Thank the almighty God in Heaven that you are not acting on behalf of that fuck-up Barry Don. What a waste of perfectly good carbon that loser has been. This is a great relief to me, thanks for responding so clearly and straightforward instead of the nonsense I got from that complete ballsack, Mr Dong.

You've been very helpful so far so I hope you can answer a few more questions. You mention that Mr Darren Harvey made a deposit on you. Did you inspect his package? What is it like? Please tell me!
More importantly, though, is that Mr Darren Harvey went quiet on me for three weeks. We were in daily contact by email and also by phone, but after I paid the second fee (to your courier company, coincidentally), he stopped completely responding to my emails and calls. In fact, after a few days of silence, I started getting a "This number is no longer working" message when dialling his number, and his email has now stopped receiving messages. Can you tell me WHEN he dropped his load at your place, and if you know what has happened to him. I'm very worried because Darren Harvey and me had started to become very good friends, and I have to admit that I care about him enough to be worried that something bad has happened to him and this would explain the silence.

I hope you can come back to me and put my mind at rest on this matter. I can't think of anything else and it is stopping me from doing anything else except worry constantly. If you can get back with some news about Darren then I will be rest assured and can carry on with life and business as normal.
Thanks!

Oh, and also... I should mention that I am not MR Rachel. I have a vagina between my legs and that means I'm a MISS Rachel. If we're going to be doing this thing together then I think we should get the sex sorted out. I hope you agree.

love,
Rachel

(From a running-the-bait angle, I'm glad I resurrected Rachel. She's a great outlet for innuendo and aggression compared to my main calm-and-reasonable-family-man character who is, just sometimes, a little too prim and proper for his own good.)

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 25 Jul 2013 Posts: 18

Quote:

we do not deliver to P.O.Box address or street corners

Seen that before too. Maybe that's an African thing, like "Deliver my letter/parcel on the corner of such and such between 10 AM and 11 AM"? Anybody knows?
Question

Posted: Thu Aug 01, 2013 12:57 pm

^^^ Perhaps, yeah, it's normal to drop off mail at collection points or something at street corners. It still sounds strange to me, though, and I just keep on imagining this huge pile of discarded, abandoned letters and parcels piling up at the side of a road somewhere.

Anyway... an interesting turn of events:

Lad wrote:

Dear Rachel ,

Good day to you. I have receive your reply regarding your parcel. the content of your mail is well understood, well as stated in my previous mail Mr Darren Harvey deposited this package to us and provide your contact details which we have been sending you mail but did not receive any responds from your end, with the information i have here with me i have confirm that Mr Darren Harvey is dead, after a brief cancer Inness, i have confirm this from a reliable source, Mr Darren Harvey was a very good friend of mine before he died he instructed me to make sure i get this parcel delivered to you,i want you to be rest assured that i will make sure your parcel is delivered to you once we receive the requirement,

i will meet with you as soon as possible maybe to spend the rest of my life with you, you sound so must interesting and trusted i want you to tell me a little more about your self let take if from there and see if we can spend all the rest of our life together and also provide me your direct telephone number for easy communication, i guess you have a yahoo mail address i would prefer if you provide me your yahoo address so that we chat and know more about each other,

<Repeat of previous email with list of delivery options and package details.>

Yours In Service,
Mr.James Wilson

What?!? Darren Harvey is dead?!? Oh my! Rachel is not going to take that news well.

But what's that? James Wilson is making advances towards her? Ah! Now that Darren Harvey is out of the picture he thinks he can move in and take his place in Rachel's affections. Smooth!

I wrote:

Oh my god, James! Darren Harvey is dead???? That can't be. I am devastated. Fuck. Fuck it all. This is the worst news I have received this week. This has ruined everything. I'm speechless, numb, I don't know what to think. I hope he didn't suffer. Jesus fucking Crinkle-Cut Christ, this is so messed up I don't know how to express my feelings.
Give me some time, James. I need some time to process this news. Of course I'll carry out Darren's deathbed wish but I need some breathing space right now to get used to the idea that such a sweet man is no longer alive.

I'm also going to say thanks about your suggestion that we speak more intimately. You say you were a good friend of Darren, yes? Well, I got to know him too. We already have stuff in common, and maybe we can help each other through this difficult time.
Can you send me a picture, please? Not a passport or identity badge or anything, a proper picture that shows what you look like as a real person. I think you're going to be a nice looking man, you sound like you are kind and caring, and I bet this shows on your face, too. Please let me see what sort of man you are, James.
You're very forward, James, though. Suggesting we live together when we've just met! Wow, I don't know what to say to that. Normally, if a guy tried that shit with me then I'd be like "No way, go stick your cock elsewhere, loser!" but we've got this common connection with Darren and our sadness over his death, so maybe I'll give you some leniency there.
Bur let's take this a little slower, okay? I need to get over the loss of dear Darren, you understand? Let's just get to know each other first before talking about long-term plans. It's nice to think about and everything, and maybe it will work out, but I want to give respect to Darren's memory first. You sound like a decent man, James, so I know you'll understand what I'm feeling right now.

Excuse me now as I think it's just hit me that Darren is no longer alive. I need to cry.

love,
Rachel

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 25 Jul 2013 Posts: 18

Quote:

What?!? Darren Harvey is dead?!?

Apparently he had an Inness.

Quote:

1.13kg for a bank card? What's it made from?!?

Depleted uranium?

Posted: Wed Aug 07, 2013 2:32 pm

Several days go by and there's no word from James Wilson.

I wrote:

Dearest James,

I have not heard from you for a while. I hope I didn't upset you with my last email. I was not rejecting your offer. I was just saying that I need things to go slightly slower, that's all. I hope you are still feeling the same way as you expressed in your last email.
Also, please send me a picture. As soon as I get one, I will send you one of me.

love,
Rachel

Lad wrote:

Dear,

i have receive your mail, i must confess that am very confuse with the kind of mail i receive from you, before i proceed to send you any picture of me and more about details, you have to send me your telephone number, i want to call and here your voice by this way i will be convince that am dealing with the right person,

I wait to read from you

Thanks

I wrote:

Dearest James,

Why are you confuse? I don't want any confusion between us. Please tell me the nature of your confuse state and I'll try to sort things out.
See, I thought you were feeling the hots for me. I really did think you were a man who was looking at me as a nice woman who he could get to know and live with and spend wonderful times with. This is exactly what I need right now, someone to comfort me after the shock of finding out that Darren Harvey is dead. Please don't take that away from me when I thought it was going to be there.
Reply and tell me how you REALLY feel, okay? I want none of us to be confuse and the only way to do that is to tell each other the truth.
My truth? James Wilson, I need you. I need you as a good, kind, strong man who can help me grieve and then move on with the rest of my life. That's how I see you.

my deepest love,
Rachel

Lad wrote:

Honestly i'm very confuse about the hole thing because when i ask you to tell me about your self and give me your picture and your telephone number you dont responds on that, means you dont want me to know any thing about you, I'm a man of integrity i treat women with respect i am a very sincere and honest,am caring,kind,social,smart,intelligent,passionate,friendlly,romantic and trustworthy believe in the truth and honest of love..i am really a very sincere person when it comes to sharing feelings and emotions with that speical person and i realy am down to heart honest about the things i say and do cause i dont like hurting peoples feelings, I seek for a complete honest woman,who will love me,adore me,a strong woman with a strong heart who will want our relationship to last forever,a compassionate woman,one with good heart and know how to handle matters, i have leave all my life here in Uk after i lost my parents at the age of 19, have some families in Texas i lost my wife three years ago, i'm 57, i feel young every day,i have been trying my best to retunr back to united state to spend the rest of my life, i will appreciate if you tell me more about your self and send me a real picture of you and your telephone number attach here is my picture i will send you more once i have the requested details,

Thanks

He attaches a small picture that a Google Images search shows has been used in romance scams all over the internet.

(And being "confuse about the hole thing" is not reassuring for any would-be girlfriends...)

Posted: Wed Aug 07, 2013 6:04 pm

Rachel replies.

Note that this could be considered (mildly) sexually explicit in places by some people, so if you're a delicate snowflake just skip past this message.

I wrote:

Dearest James,

Oh my sweet man! I didn't realize it was my forgetfulness that was causing you all this confusion! Really, the truth is that when I was writing my reply after you asked for details about me, I completely forgot that you had asked for extra informations. James James James, my sweetest man alive, please don't think harshly about me, okay? I'm not a hard-hearted bitch at all, as I'm sure you'll learn, and I never meant to make you confuse. Please accept my deepest apologies. They're coming not only from my heart, which is only part way down my chest, but from all the way down, deep deep down, right from the very centre of my warm, soft pussy that I have to admit is yearning for you. Yes, I looked at your picture and I was just floored. Your Fuck Factor is way off the chart, man! I can't wait to get my hands on you. I need you inside me.

So you want to know about me? Okay. I'm 26, I have a degree in Economics from Cambridge University, I live in Hemel Hempstead in the UK, which is just outside of London. At the moment I am working as a secretary for a man who is manager of a factory that makes solar panels but I'm obviously looking for something more fitting for my level of education. I'm 5'3", I have brown eyes and brown hair. I like reading, both fiction and non-fiction, and I devour books by the dozen on my train journeys to and from work. I also like swimming and when I was at university I won lots of competitions but I don't have time to keep to the standard of fitness I need for competitions now but I do enjoy hard and serious swimming sessions several times a week. I love sex a lot and I've worn out a few boyfriends who just couldn't keep up with me! Haha! I have a strong dislike for the British royal family and all of that "inherited privilege" nonsense, which is not a popular opinion with a lot of people here but I don't care. I am intelligent and want a man who is at least my equal in intelligence if not more so we can sit and talk about all kinds of things and the conversations will always be interesting, productive, engaging, and fun to both sides. When I was between the ages of 15 and 17 I thought I might be a lesbian because I had a big crush on my best friend and we used to do sex together but when I went away to university I discovered that was just a childish thing and I really do like men. I want to get married but as for children I'm not sure. They're cute and lovely and my sister has one (Luke, he's only a baby) but I don't know if they're right for me. I wouldn't be cruel or horrible or anything, and I've been told I'd be a great mother, but I look at it this way: Out of all the things in the world that I could do to make it a better place, I'm not sure that bringing another screaming and hungry mouth into the world is the best thing I could do. There are lots of other things I could do that would make the world a better place. But then, you know, if I accidentally got pregnant then I think I'd change my mind. I'm very flexible like that with my opinions. If someone can put a good reason for something in front of me, I'll take a look at it and change my mind if the evidence is good enough. I like cats and have two of my own. I can drive a car but it's so expensive to maintain them that I don't have one right now. I like a drink now and again, and I've never been the kind of girl to get completely pissed out of her mind and do stupid things. Those girls are common and I don't ever want anything to do with them. My favourite colour is green, my favourite food is any kind of spicy noodles dish, and my favourite sexual position is a reverse cowgirl with the man inserting a finger into my butthole to make me cum even stronger.

Now, James, is that enough informations for you? I HOPE SO!
So get those silly thoughts out of your handsome head and lets see if we can get together so I can get you inside me and show you how real I am. Okay?

deepest love,
Rachel

ADDENDUM: The lad replies the next morning.

Lad wrote:

Send you picture to me if you want us to proceed further i have sent
my picture to you i need to have your own picture and your telephone
number,

James

So much for being caring, understanding, affectionate and all other heap of words he used to describe himself. Sounds like he wants to discuss the import tax on a shipload of filing cabinets, not discuss a blossoming romance he's involved in.

Posted: Tue Aug 20, 2013 3:17 pm

James Wilson has faded into nowhere so Rachel is on the look-out for another lad.

Oh! It looks like she's caught one on the hook!

And this one, judging from his first four or five emails, is a feisty little specimen. (And writes extremely well, too.)

Lad wrote:

Attn: Sir,

Following the visit to Africa this year by the United States President, Barak Obama whereupon he discussed the issues relating to the foreigners' consignments and funds with African leaders. African leaders agreed to verify the authenticity of the consignments and then, deliver all to their owners.

So in carrying out the certification and delivery of consignments to their foreign owners, the exercise being carried out by the government of Ghana, through the office of the Attorney-General & Minister for justice. Whereupon your information was verified and certified.

Having carried out the certification and confirmed the availability of your consignments in the custody of government, which are now due for delivery to you.

Please, find attached, a Form. Fill it carefully, and then, submit it with the filling fee, following the instructions therein.

Your urgent response is expected to enable us conclude the delivery as scheduled.

Mr. Kweku Ando
Chief Director
For The Hon. Minister

Attached is a .docx file which is just asking for basic information such as full name, address, telephone number. It also asks if I would be willing to travel to Ghana to pick up my funds.

I wrote:

Dear Sirs,

Why are you sending me this email again? I've already sent two payments for this business. What's happening here? Please explain.

thanks,
Rachel

Lad wrote:

Attn: Rachel xxxxxxxxxi,

Your response was acknowledged and well noted. However, the fact is that government discovered some malpractices in handling this issue. Following numerious complaints received from foreigners about delay in delivering their funds and consignments.

So, to address the issue, government took the wise decision to streamline the delivery, by directing the Minister for Justice to take charge of it. Therefore, henceforth, the duty is now assigned to the office of the Attorney-General & Minister for justice.

As the Director of operation under this ministry, I'm in charge of the delivery of the consignments and funds to their foreign owners. And every previous activity in this regard has been suspended.

So, fill the delivery form sent to you and return it with the filing fee $285 only. All details are therein.

Yours faithfully,
Dr. Kweku Ando.

I wrote:

Dr Kweku Ando,

Thank you for your reply to my message. But you clearly didn't read my reply. I asked you some questions and explained that I had already paid two payments already. Did you even bother to read my message??? Please go back and read it and then reply properly, don't just ignore me because I'm a woman, okay?

thanks,
Rachel

Lad wrote:

Attn: Rachel xxxxxxxxx,

I quite understand your question, and I did answer it. Here is your question "Why are you sending me this email again?". You also explained that you've paid some money on it.

Then I explained to you that due to numerous complaints received from foreigners regarding malpractices in handling this issue. The government under our new President, John Mahama directed that the ministry of justice take over this duty. And that all previous arrangement including payments had been canceled.

Therefore, all previous arrangements have been nullified by our President due to irregularities and malpractices. And now, the ministry for justice has taken over, of which I'm the Director-of-operation.

So, understand that everything is now anew, and is now under my control. To deliver all consignments and release funds to their respective foreign owners.

The delivery of the consignments is ongoing under my ministry, the ministry for justice. And all recipients must fill and return the delivery form. So, fill the delivery form and return with the fee $285 only. Then I send you the delivery schedule, when your consignment would be delivered to you.

Find the form attached again. Fill it as directed, and return with the fee. All details are therein.

Do not delay as we're working according to instructions from the President.

Yours faithfully,
Dr. Kweku Ando

I wrote:

Dr Kweku Ando,

Thank you for your better reply that addressed my email. That's more what I expected.
I still don't understand about the payments, though. I paid more than £2000 and haven't received anything. Now you're saying that your Ministry of Justice has taken over the situation because of incomptence. That I can understand, okay. But I definitely don't understand why I should send MORE MONEY to you people. What happened to my £2000+? There must be a record of it in your ministry's office, right? Proof that one Rachel Dawn xxxxxxxxx from United Kingdom has submitted two payments, one of £575 and another of £1610. This is money that I had to borrow from a friend and if you want me to pay MORE MONEY then I'm going to struggle to find that kind of spare cash just lying around and I might have to get on my knees and beg my friends (which I hate doing because it's so belittling and embarrassing to do). Plus they're probably going to ask what happened to the last payment and all I can do is go "I don't know" and then I'll look stupid. Even more stupid.
So please help me clear this up, okay? Once I know the status of my previous payments then I'll feel more comfortable filling in your form.
You sound like a nice person so I hope you can live up to this impression I have of you.

thanks,
Rachel

Lad wrote:

Attn: Rachel xxxxxxxxx,

I've tried hard enough to explain this issue to you. But I still wonder why it's difficult for you to understand. In my last mail, I made everything very clear and understandable. But still, you repeat the same thing.

You made me understand that you've paid some money in respect of this issue. And that is exactly the point I was making to you. That this issue had been mishandled by various agencies, causing foreigners to pay monies in vain. Thereby sparking numerous complaints and petition to the office of the President.

You paid some money without getting anything, and you do not send complaint to our government. But I'm telling you that a lot of people paid monies without getting anything, and then sent petitions to our President. Which embarrassed him and prompting him to annul all previous arrangements.

So, understand it. All previous arrangements regarding the delivery of consignments or release of payment to foreigners have been canceled by the President due to malpractices and irregularities. And had directed the ministry for justice to take over the responsibility, and deliver the consignments to their foreign owners.

I'm sure the agency that deals with you before where you paid the money is not the ministry for justice, but now, it is. Because it was discovered that some unscrupulous elements took advantage of it to deceive foreigners. This angered Mr. President.

As I said, a lot of agencies were involved in this exercise, for that there is no other record of the status of your previous payments other than that the President discovered some malpractices and nullified it. Due to petitions sent to him by foreigners, who paid monies just as you did, and did not receive their consignments.

Mr. President then transferred the responsibility to the ministry for justice, whereupon now I'm in charge. He also instructed that government takes the financial responsibility of the delivery cost, but then, the beneficiary must first, fill the form and return for verification.

So fill the form and return because this exercise had a limited time.

Yours faithfully,
Dr. Kweku Ando.

I wrote:

Dr Kweku Ando,

Little by little, your emails are getting more and more informative, and I thank you for that. I just wish you had started out informative right from the fucking start of this mess and I didn't have to drag the information from you like I was pulling your pubic hairs out. Sheesh!

Right, the situation at my end is this:
- I paid over £2000.
- I had to borrow that money from friends.
- I hated asking my friends for that money because it's demeaning.
- Now you say all that money has disappeared into nothing.
- And I must start the process all over again, presumably paying MORE MONEY.

Do you see my frustration? Where do I get that fucking money from this time? I'm not exactly rich. I have an elderly dad to look after and that means I can't work full-time. We get by and manage day-to-day okay but there isn't a lot of extra money to spare for these kinds of expenses.
If it's YOUR government that caused this to go tits-up for so many people (as you say it did) then it should be YOUR government who pays the costs to get things sorted out again. That's how governments work. At least, in decent countries they do.

I will complete your form tomorrow morning and return it to you, but please keep in mind that I may need a lot of time to find the new payments. Okay? Do you understand this? I bloody hope so.

yours,
Rachel

Lad wrote:

Attn: Rachel xxxxxxxxx,

I confirm the receipt of your mail, well heartily expressed. And I'm glad to know that you're now digressing my message, thereby giving you more understanding and a positive attitude.

Honestly speaking, this issue is not caused by our government, rather, our President intervened to remedy the situation. As I informed you earlier, the whole thing got messed up by some bad elements in the society who capitalized on it, thereby compounding the entire exercise. Causing huge delay and frustrations to foreigners.

It may interest you to know that the whole thing started few years ago and got messed up, prompting justifiable reaction from foreigners like you who had paid some money. Most of them sending complaints and petitions to our new President, John Mahama.

So it is a good thing that we had a new President this year and he had stepped in to remedy the situation. By ordering the ministry of justice to take over the handling of the issue, by making sure that all consignments and funds are released and delivered to their foreign owners.

In a good reasoning, it is better to receive what you paid for, than not to receive at all. So count yourself lucky that you're among the people to benefit on this through the intervention of our President.

I also understand your situation, mostly taking care of your old dad, I commend you for that. It's a good thing you look after your old parents because that's also what we do in Africa. And God will bless you for that.

Then I wait to receive the form, and try your best to send the fee in that the earlier, the better.

Yours faithfully,
Dr. Kweuku Ando.

I wrote:

Dr Kweku Ando,

Your email was frank and honest and full of information. I like the way you wrote it and I hope you can continue to be so helpful. When I was dealing with Dr Barry Don, I always felt like I was dealing with an imbecile or maybe a slug that had ideas above its station. What a dick he was, and he refused to understand even the most basic of stuff. I bet he'd never even qualify to enter a "Telling your arse from an elbow" contest. You, on the other hand, are like a clear breath of fresh air.

I have completed the form and it is included with this email.

I do appreciate your comment about looking about my dad. He's an awkward old bugger sometimes, but he looked after me for 18 years and gave me a good start in life with his lessons and teachings and so on, so it's only right I return the favour and look after him now. Do you have family, Dr Kweku? Tell me about them please, I'd like to hear about you and your life. You sound like a very interesting person, based on your emails and the way you express yourself in them.

As for raising the money? Well, what can I say? I will do my best but please understand it might not be as quick as someone else who's rich. It's also something I'm doing under protest because, let's be honest, I paid that money in good faith and if a big organization like the Ghana government steps in to sort out a mess then the least they can do is make it easy for the little people like me who got caught up in the shitstorm. Don't you agree, Dr Kweku? I think you do, deep in your heart.

Give my regards to your president the next time you see him. He sounds like a real man with balls of steel, and I'd definitely sleep with him no matter what size his dick is.

love,
Rachel

I attach the completed form.
Well, actually, I attach a version of the form with the answers filled in but the part about payment removed.

Posted: Wed Aug 21, 2013 1:12 pm

I think I love this lad! I want to keep him in a jar and put him on my desk so he can amuse me whenever I open the lid.

Lad wrote:

Dear Rachel,

Many thanks for your mail, full of compliments for giving you the credit you worthily deserve for taking care of your dad at old age. We know that most countries in the West had old people's homes where they remove their old parents to, to take care of them. So when I learn that you're taking care of your old dad at home, my heart melted in admiration.

We highly detest such practice in Africa because it's against our culture. When someone grows old that's when he/she needs to be close to loved ones. Maybe, the children or grandchildren, to give him/her the feelings of life. Being with one's children or grandchildren at old age gives joy. But when they are removed to a home other than theirs, definitely, there must be feeling of rejection. Which the people in the West fail to realize, or they do, but being that it's become part of the culture. They chose to practice it.

Once again, thanks for being one in a million, you're a special breed, worthy of emulation. If nobody appreciates you over there, God does, and will reward you abundantly.

Regarding my family or myself. I'm single, owing to the death of my wife two years ago in a ghastly auto accident, as she was returning home after spending the Xmas period at home in Ashanti region. So, on that note, we can equally mingle on personal level. And do introduce yourself to me also.

Meanwhile, I acknowledged the receipt of the form, well filled. I'll process it, but try hard for the fee, I'll do my best for you.

Regards,
Dr. Ando

I wrote:

Dear Dr Ando,

Wow, your email was such a joy to read! Thanks for that. I feel uplifted and happy because of the way you described the situation and how I'm refusing to take part in that bloody awful practice of shipping our older folks into what I consider waiting-for-death houses. You're very insightful and wise about the situation.
Yes, dad likes it better living with me. I have to confess, several years ago when he first became ill because of old age, my brother's family suggested we ship him off to an old-person's home. I couldn't afford it and was horrified at the prices they charged for what is a really shitty service. But my brother's family are rich (richer than me, anyway) and they paid.
Let's just say that it broke my heart to see dad decline over the three months he was there. Even though we visited him every day, he just got worse and worse. It's not that anyone mistreated him or didn't give him his medicines, it was just, as you rightly pointed out, there's a sense of rejection and finality that no amount of professional staffing can overcome. People need close contact with their loved ones, not with salaried staff.
So I quit my job and took dad into my home and he's been here ever since and he's improved a huge amount. I basically saved his life.

I am so sorry to hear you lost your wife in an auto accident. And only two years ago? That's still too soon and I can feel the pain you must still feel. That's so sad. Did you have children? You didn't mention any so I guess not. Life's so unfair, isn't it? How these kinds of things can happen to the people we love the most, I'll just never understand it.

You want to know about me? Well, I'm quite flattered! Um... where to start? The basics: I'm 31, I've never been married (came close when I was 25 but escaped at the last moment when I found out my husband-to-be was not the nice man he had pretended to be). I'm 5'2" and I think I could lose 10-20 pounds or so but everyone else says I'm just right. I don't know. I used to work as a researcher at the university here, in the Linguistics and English Department but that's before I had to leave and take on my job as carer for dad. Now I bring in enough money to keep our heads above the water by doing part-time shopwork and office temp jobs. It's okay, it's not perfect, but it's what fits into my situation, you know? If you haven't guessed it already, I can be brutally honest and direct, and I don't usually mess around with my words... I just say what I think and I mean it.
Is that enough for now? I could fill up a whole day writing the details of my life and personality and everything but I think that should be enough for now. If you're interested to hear more then don't be afraid to ask!

I'm looking into taking on a few extra hours to see if I can raise the money for that fee you mentioned. I might get them, I might not. I'm hoping I do because otherwise I'll be needing another plan to get it quickly. I'll let you know if I'm successful, okay?

Like I said, it was a pleasure to read your email, Dr Ando. I got used to reading the emails from Darren Harvey (he was okay, quite a nice man) and that stupid tit-end, Barry Don, and they were never sounded as intelligent and well-educated as you do. Your use of English is amazing. Did you learn it later in life, like not as a native language? If so then I'm dead impressed!

Anyway, take care and I hope to hear from you soon.

love,
Rachel

Posted: Fri Aug 23, 2013 11:04 am

The lad continues to amuse me with his better-than-usual level of literacy and intelligence...

Lad wrote:

Dear Rachel,

Reading your mail, learning that you save your dad from untimely death is a huge inspiration to me. I must commend you for that. I'm so proud of you, and I know that your dad must also be proud of you. This goes to confirm that actually, you're one in a million. A gem, and a rare breed.

To be frank, I enjoy reading your mails. They are so captivating and charming, making me to want to ask for more. Just like Oliver Twist. You must be a good story teller, I guess. Shocked

{What is he saying about me here?}

You describe yourself as being "brutally honest". But if I borrow the words of my mother, a semi literate, she calls them "talkatives", including myself. Though, if you ask me, I'll say you're highly interactive, jovial and intelligent. The same with my wife, who can make one fill at home with her incessant jokes, more or less like a comedian.

More about myself. I had a lovely son, by name Prince, 7 years old. He is living with my mom at our second city of Kumasi, Ashanti region, while schooling.

You did mention considering the option of getting a job where you can work more hours to earn more money. To me, that is a very good idea. As a young lady, this is the right time to work at full swing, so I support you for that. But don't do it as to compromise the health of your dad. Try to do it as to accommodate the two and achieve good result.

I duly accept your sincere sympathy over the loss of my wife, your mail clearly expressed it . Thanks for that. I've put it behind me, and I'm moving on with my life. In this case, we can open a new channel of personal relationship. Who knows?, with interest and constant communication on both sites, love would develop and blossom.

Then being that this is official email box, which can be accessed by anybody, on a personal relationship, we've to communicate via Skype. In that sense, send me your Skype I.D, then I'll add you. To enable us chat later in the evenings, after close of work. I'll also like to see you in picture. My direct mobile number is shown below. Feel free to call or send me SMS anytime.

While keeping faith with all arrangements.

Regards,
Dr. Ando
Cell: 233 57 xxx xxxx

I wrote:

Dr Ando!

Wow wow wow! Your last email made me blush, made me slightly giddy like a silly little schoolgirl getting her first kiss, and I will even admit made me moist between my legs. There's something really amazing about you, Dr Ando, and I like it a lot!

Thanks for all the compliments. I am fully behind what you say and your condemnation of the way most people in my country treat old people. It' something I talk ouit about whenever friends, and so on, bring the subject up. Friends my age are all starting see their parents become pensioners and retirees, so it's a hot topic in my group of friends. I try wherever possible to make them see the humane side of it, and I describe my experiences with what happened to my dad to add strength to my arguments. Sometimes it works (yay!) and sometimes it doesn't (boo, hiss).

Why is your son living with your mother? Was it his choice or some reason beyond his or your power? How do you feel about him being in a different city? He is the only direct link to your wife so I'd think you would want him around.

I alredy have a job at the moment but it's part-time. Thanks for the comments on that situation, they're well noted. I'm looking to simply increase my hours. An extra two hours each to the three days I do work there will mean an extra six hours a week. With that extra bit of money I should be able to save up for the fee you need. It won't be instant money but with several weeks of doing that I should be able to slowly save it up. Dad will be okay with i. I talked to him about looking to do a few extra hours each day and he was quite happy with it because he knows that we could do with the extra income. He doesn't 24-hour-a-day care, which is why I can do a part-time job, and now that he has recovered much of his health he can manage in the house on this own for short stretches. As you said in a few messages ago, it's the mental and emotional issues that are the real issues that affect people, and him knowing that I will be back and filling the house with my usual kind of liveliness and chatter makes him able to be on his own for four to five hours and not suffer.

Romance, Dr Ando? Romance! Well..... you certainly push all the right buttons when it comes to expressing yourself in emails, and I'll bet that sitting down face-to-face with you over a plate of cakes and some coffee would be a bloody great thing. I don't know what you look like yet but I'm not the kind of girl to judge anyone by what they look like. Well, unless they're so ugly they scare small children. The fact I am getting turned on just from your emails is enough proof to me that when we meet I would be totally yours from the minute I see you, you're exactly the kind of man I want. And not just for chatting, Dr Ando. I also want you to press another button I have, if you know what I mean, that secret one buried between my legs.

Oh my! I'm getting carried away with fantasies here! But maybe they're not impossible fantasies. Maybe we might......... no, I'm definitely thinking far too into the future here.

I'm sorry, Dr Ando, but I don't have Skype so I can't give you any Skype ID. I feel quite sad about that but really, I don't have time to spend hours on online chat rooms. I wish I did! But there's only 24 hours in a day, and I sometimes barely have enough of those to myself to answer my emails and they can wait. I wish I could devote big bits of my day to doing purely Please Rachel things but that's just not possible right now. Maybe if we get this fund transfer sorted out, then things will be different, yes?

I've attached a photo of me, taken back in February this year. The little boy is my nephew, Luke. He's great, such a sweetie. It's almost as good as having my own kid! He's so cute and I love having him over here when my brother and his wife need me to babysit. Dad likes it too because he and my brother don't talk now, not after the care home incident. I've tried to get them back together but if you think about it, my brother's actions almost killed dad so I think I can kind of understand their disgreement. Dad still dotes over Luke, though, because the little guy hadn't even been conceived then! Why do my thoughts always turn to sex-related things when I'm replying to you, Dr Ando? That's one of those rhetorical question and I already know the fucking answer to that one, just as you probably do! Haha!

Okay, it's almost 6.30 here so it's time to set up me and dad's Thursday games night. On a Tuesday and Thursday, we play lots of boardgames. Our favourite is Power Grid but we play lots of others, too. It's a good time and I wouldn't miss it even if you paid me.

lots of love, kisses, and sexy thoughts,
Rachel

I attach one of "Rachel"'s pictures (grabbed and 'shopped many years ago and have served me/Rachel well) that shows her holding a baby boy.

Lad wrote:

SUBJECT: HI, LADY, YOU'RE AN ANGEL TO BEHOLD.

Hi, Rachel,

Wow! wow! wow!, baby, you look so cute, elegant and charming. I must confess, this is my first time of falling a victim of love at first sight. You wouldn't believe it, you're so adorable. I couldn't resist but to glance through your pic many times more than I can count. At a point I've to kiss your lips.

Reading your amorous and sexual mail makes me wet my pant. You must be extraordinarily romantic. I'm looking forward to that day when we shall sit face-to-face on a table, looking each on the face. Making jokes, Smiling and cheering. Then at the end, I'll press that "button you have between your two legs". Then we retire to a private room where you will open it, that night, we shall have the memorable first love. I'll plug the thing between my two legs into that between your two legs and it will remain inside till you loose control.

Your mail is "vintage Rachel", starkly blunt and lovely expressed from the heart. For confessing that I'm the kind of man you want, I was so touched and moved that you've settled everything. I've come to realize that our knowing each other is not by accident. There is a spiritual hand of destiny on it. As both of us are of like-manner, very compatible. So, everything is settled, we shall be working towards formalizing a relationship that would blossom into marriage.

Regarding my son, Prince. Why he had to stay with my mom is that a child of tender age needs the tender care of a woman which man cannot provide. Moreover, if he is with me, he will be lacking adequate attention since I'm a busy man. Which is not good for a young boy like him. But since he was with my mom I keep in constant touch, I make phone-calls and visit regularly. So, he is not lacking anything and is not missing me.

You're now my Angel. I've printed out your picture and place it under my pillow. So that your thoughts would always occupy me throughout the night.

May I know your town/city and country. And also, your cell phone number.

Extend my greetings.

Love you darling.
Dr. Ando.

He wants a telephone number. Grr. I don't have a feminine voice.
Any female baiter with a phone willing to step in and take his calls? Please?

Posted: Fri Aug 23, 2013 3:50 pm

I wrote:

Oh my god, Dr Ando! Your email was immense! It was amazing and put a smile on both sets of lips!
But please, my wonderful man, I feel nervous commnicating such things as this using your work/official email. Do we have another email that is under your control and not some interfering busybody who might stop you from writing to me? Write to me as soon as you can with a private email address, my darling man, an email address that no one but you can read. That way, I can truly express myself, if you know what I mean.
Also, do you have a nice photograph of yourself so I can picture you in my mind properly? I'd love that, I really would.
Okay, I'm on my break at work and it's almost over so I'd better get off their computer.

lots of love and kisses for you,
Rachel

From a new email address he sends the following...

Lad wrote:

SUBJECT: HI, ANGEL RACHEL, LOTS OF LOVE FOR YOU.

Hi, Darling,

Yes, I know what you mean. You no more need to talk much before I can understand. We've grown in such a short time that we can now understand each other with a simple eye-sign. Therefore, I clearly understand you, and concurring to all of them.

With this private email, you're now free to say all that you want, I'm loving it. Be point blank, stark, brutally honest and no-holds-back.

Find my picture attached.

LOVING YOU.

He attaches a picture which turns out to be of Nollywood star, Kenneth Okonkwo. The exact picture he sent can be found on this page, fourth one down.

Posted: Fri Aug 23, 2013 4:49 pm

Quote:

Reading your amorous and sexual mail makes me wet my pant

Because nothing is sexier than a pants-wetter Laughing

Posted: Fri Aug 23, 2013 5:51 pm

^^^ Yeah, that got me, too! I think he was trying to copy Rachel's email but didn't quite get the biology-switching right.

Posted: Sat Aug 24, 2013 9:46 am

redo volunteers to act as Rachel On The Phone, and sets up a Boston number (if Rachel can't be from the UK, as she usually is, then I think she'd fit right in at Boston).

I wrote:

Oh my god, Dr Ando! What a delight to wake up to in my box! Your picture has brought me close to pure bliss just looking at it. I can only imagine what it's like to have you here in person. Your smile is beautiful. Your face is lit up and is showing all of your personality and charm and intelligence. What a gorgeous man you are, Dr Ando. You're so perfect, this feels like it's too good to be true, but I think I'm owed some good fortune after all this time. Wow wow wow!

I'm glad you got a new, private, email address. Best to keep those fucking taskmasters you call might call "boss" away from the better things in life, where they have no control. Now I can talk much more freely and give you information I wouldn't want other people possibly reading.

First of that information is my telephone number. You can get me at +1-815-xxx-xxxx. I have to tell you, though, that I live in Boston, USA, so my times will not be the same as your times. We're about 5 or 6 hours ahead of you in Ghana so calling me early in your morning would mean that I'm still asleep. You'll get the answering service and I'll get to hear your voice but it won't be the same as talking to you live. So yes, work out what time it is here before you decide to call and see if it's a sensible time here. I probably don't really have to say this to you because you're such an intelligent man who can work this out for himself but I'll say it anyway in case the heat of the moment takes over and you call without thinking. But even then... wow, I bet you're an absolute tiger when you're all turned on and feeling horny.

I have a three hour shift at work today (I've managed to get them to add an early Saturday morning three hours to my schedule, so that's a start towards getting the fees for you) so I need to go and get ready. It's crazy, it's a 6.30am start but it means that I can get back in time for dad getting up and I can make his breakfast for him. What a life, huh?

Write back soon, Dr Ando. Now that I have seen your picture, I am even more eager to get you, to get to know you, and to get you inside me.
Stay sexy, my sweet. I'm off to get ready for work now. I'll think about you and us together when I'm playing with myself in the shower.

warm, wet kisses,
Rachel

Posted: Sat Aug 24, 2013 4:42 pm

Lad wrote:

Hi, My Angel,

Your mail is a delight to read. The more I read, the more I'm loving it. Reading your last mail, I feel so flattered, though knowing that you speak from the deepest bottom of your heart. You're simply amazing. I LOVE YOU.

The only thing I'll assure you now is that you're mine, and I'll guarantee you happiness. I may have no gold or silver, but you deserve happiness as a young lady, which I'm going to give you. So that you'll be confident and proud of yourself, knowing that you've somebody who really loves you.

You're exactly the real woman I desire in life. Somebody who is jovial, outspoken, intelligent, pretty, elegant, and above all, all round charismatic. So, as I said before, everything is now settled. Begin to count your blessings which you worthily deserve for saving the life of your dad. When everybody abandoned him because of old age, you took him up. That is exactly what God expected from us, to be not only our parent's keepers, but also, our brothers, meaning all human beings. So, for that, you've won my heart. Keep it up.

Our dreams must surely come through, we must surely have ourselves in person, just as we desire, so shall it be done unto us. That day shall come when you shall have me inside of you, when I'll plug something between your two legs then make you to feel it till the next day. Do you scream when making love?, if no. Then that day I'll make you scream aloud, calling the names of your family members, one by one, dead and alive. Shocked

I know you love reading my mails, just as I love reading yours, that is to tell you that we're meant for one another. And by reading my mails, it shall keep you company and make you feel happy and fulfilled. Somebody has enjoyed me before, but now, it's for you because you clearly deserve it.

Thanks for the phone number well received. Now, we can communicate via sms or calls as it may be. Your time is behind us, so we're ahead of you by 4-5 hours.

Darling, always meditate upon this quote: "there is a limit to what somebody can do for you, but there is no limit to what you can do for yourself".

If you like, you can break it down for me, by adding more understanding and meaning to it.

Loving you,
Ando.

redo contacts me and tells me that the number she'd been assigned by Google Voice is actually in Illinois and is being used by an ITP, and a new one has been assigned. Nothing anyone could have done to stop that on this end but it's still annoying and alarming if the lad has been in contact with ITPs. However, looking at his message, it appears he hasn't tried contacting the older number yet so perhaps it's okay.

I wrote:

Dr Ando,

Just a very quick email before I go and grab some lunch.
You can call me a total airhead or whatever other names you think I deserve but I gave you my old number when I was living in Illinois. What was I thinking? I don't even remember writing that one and I only saw what I'd actually typed when I was looking through my sent emails much later. Sorry about that. If you've called it I expect you might have gotten through to someone else since it's been a while since I lived there and it's probably be re-assigned to someone else. What a dumb bitch I can be, sometimes!
Here's my proper number, this is guaranteed to be correct and not Rachel having a "dumb blond" moment (I'm not actually blond, as you know): +1-857-xxx-xxxx.
Sorry about that, my darling man. I think it's the early mornings. I hadn't had my wake-up coffee and it WAS 5am so... you know?
I'll read your latest email properly and respond to it later this afternoon after I've had lunch and attended to dad.

lotsa love
Rachel

EDIT TO ADD:

I wrote:

Oh, my dearest Ando!

I read your email many times while eating lunch. What a pleasure to read such nice words. I tell you, if dad were sleeping or I was somewhere else alone, my hands would not have been only on my sandwich, let me tell you!

Yes, it's looking more and more like our meeting, for me, is my reward for helping dad get out of the home. Not that I wanted or expected a reward, of course, but as a nice note of appreciation from the Powers That Be, it's wonderful.
And you talk of a meeting? Ando, seriously, is this a possibility? All I know is that you are about a quarter of the world away from me. I'm in Massachusetts, USA, and you're in Ghana. That's a long distance and it makes me sad to think of all that land and water separating us. Whereabouts in Ghana are you, exactly? I want to find your location on a map. It won't actually bring us nearer but it will feel like it.
But a meeting, Ando? This is a thought that is going to plague my thinking almost every waking minute. And in my fucking dreams, too, probably! Ha! Is there any chance you will be visiting the US? As part of a work assignment? I have no such chance and I'd have to save up my money to afford airfare, but if we work at it I think we might make it happen. We MUST make it happen!

Do I scream when making love (I like how you phrase it way; so many men these days just use "fucking" or "getting your pussy stuffed" or something else, but "making love" is a great phrase and I appreciate you using it)? Will I scream while we do it? I will for you, Ando, I will certainly scream for you. Your name, loud and wild, and you'll hear my passion and my energy and my complete sexual being released and let free for you to absorb and enjoy.
Do you have a favorite position? I love a man who is not afraid to try all kinds of new ways of enjoying my body. And if you don't know too many, or are a little shy to suggest something new, I know plenty of things, don't worry about that! I promise, you will find things you never knew existed on a woman, and your cock will get to do things you never knew it could do.

Your quote is something I sort of always believed and lived by. I think that you shouldn't rely on other people being the complete answer to your problems and dreams, and if you want something then YOU should do it not others. But then, that falls down when two people like us meet and find that we are perfectly matched and, together, will probably create a partnership that is way more than merely two individuals. So perhaps it's good advice to follow but not become your one and only guide in life. As with lots of things, there's exceptions, and our situation is the exception to your saying. A good exception and one that I will not regret.

It's strange: Your emails over the past few days (and your photograph, of course) have brought immense happiness to me, have fuelled my private fantasies, have given me something positive to look toward, but at the same time they leave me with sadness. Sadness that we are so far apart and that the closest we can be together at the moment is through technology, and it's not even proper "being together". It's better than nothing, sure! But it's still a separation of a painful kind, and that makes me equally sad.
It's weird how life can be, huh?

Well, I'm going to do a little bit of grocery shopping after asking if dad would like anything special for lunch and dinner tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you all the way there and all the way back.

Stay beautifully sexy, my dear.

love, and lots of it, from
Rachel

Posted: Sun Aug 25, 2013 10:21 pm

Darling loverboy texts Rachel:

Quote:

IS THAT MY ANGEL RACHAL?. ANDO

That's true love, that is, when he can't ever bother to spell her name right Very Happy

Posted: Mon Aug 26, 2013 7:55 am

I replied (by email!) with this, hoping he'll keep his texts to a minimum and stick with emails and phone calls:

I wrote:

Ando! I got your text! Yes, you sent to the right number, my darling!
I can't reply with a text, though, because I've had to reduce my bills to the bare minimum, and that means my cell phone plan doesn't give me free texts. A text to an international number would cost way too much, and I think I might get addicted to texting you and run up the largest bill the world has ever seen! I hope you understand that. Give me a call, though, and we can talk properly.

love, love, and more love,
Rachel

And he sends an email the following day:

Lad wrote:

My Dear Angel,

Reading your previous mail gives me mix feelings, of joy and sadness. Joy that I'm reading a mail from a special one, Angel Rachel, whose sexual feelings had been causing me sleepless nights. Then sadness that you lament about our being a whole world apart to each other.

If you don't know, then let me tell you that love answers all our questions. Because with love, that place that looks too far to you would become too near. In that to surmount the obstacle that may stand our way would look like a child's play. With love we shall construct a bridge across the deepest and widest ocean, which we shall walk across on foot at ease to meet and embrace each other. That is the power of love, it might beat your imagination.

Remember the quote I gave you. The understanding is that, you don't rely or hope on anybody to achieve your dreams in life. Believe and work it out for yourself, because that is for your life and not for another person. And with strong believe and conviction, everything is possible.

So if you know anything you will do to make it possible so that by December this year, we shall be together, that is my plan. By December I'll have my one month annual leave, so we shall maximize the opportunity to meet either in Ghana or US. So begin from now to work hard towards that, so that by then we shall meet and formalize our marriage, then become couples.

Begin to work very hard to save money because we're going to enjoy life. If we enjoy life together, it'll be sweet. In that we understand ourselves as we're of the same kind. You can attest to that, it is already clear. Imagine when we shall be lying on a bed together all day, all week and all year long. You'll feel like you're already in heaven. So, begin to gather money so that money will not be the problem.

Now that I've gotten the confirmation of your cell number, I'll call you any time so that we can begin to get use to our different accents. As you know, all people of the world have different speaking accents. I desire to hear your voice.

When we meet I'll suck both your breast and the thing between your two legs, and you'll love it, after that, you'll sleep well on my arms like my baby.

Love you
Dr. Ando
Cell: 233-24-xxxx-xxx

That sounds like he's setting up a safari without any help. December, you say? It feels so far away but who knows what can happen between now and then.

I wrote:

Dr Ando!

What a lovely present you left in my box this morning for me! It thrilled me and delighted me and aroused me from sleep perfectly.

The biggest thing I see in your message is the mention of December and your month from work. A whole month? Wow and fuck me, Ando, I want a job like that! But a whole month sounds amazing. A whole month together to get know each other personally? Now that's the way to do it and no mistake. I am going to circle DECEMBER on all my calendars with a big red pen and long for us coming together soon.
Right now, I doubt I could afford a plane ticket to Ghana but I'll see what I do in the next three months. Of course, you could come over here, and I am thinking your job is a well-paying one and you could afford the airfare here but I'm not sure if you'd like Boston in the winter. It's cold here in December, and I mean VERY cold. Much colder that central Africa. It's not cold inside, of course, but it does mean we'd be stuck in the house when really we should be out and about seeing all the good stuff that's over here.
But wait! A month inside with just us alone together? Oh my! That actually sounds ideal! Hmmm.... I'll have to think about this. And I will think about it a lot, I promise you!

Dad wants to get up earlier than usual today because he thinks it's unhealthy for a man to get stuck in a predictable routine. Personally, I don't have an opinion either way (imagine that: I don't have an opinion about something!!! Ha!) but there's no harm in him getting up at 8.30 so I'll oblige him and have breakfast ready. Which is why I must end this right here.

Try to find some time to call me, my dear. I can't wait to hear your accent. I'll bet you have a deep and rich voice. Your photograph suggests you might. When I hear it, I think I might just melt.

stay horny, my favorite man,
Rachel

Posted: Mon Aug 26, 2013 8:58 pm

Ando calls at 3PM Boston time, but unfortunately Rachel misses him (darn work intefering with my hobbies...)

EDIT: He calls again at 5PM Boston time and I'm able to take the call! (No recording because I'm at work.) We don't talk about much, just rehashing the contents of the emails. I keep him on the phone for about 8 minutes.

At first, he asks for Michelle Evil or Very Mad

He recovers quickly though and said the phone connection is bad, he said Rachel, and I misheard him. Hmm. Rachel lets it go because she's SO excited to hear from her LOVE! Rachel is at home, not at work (he asked). He loves Rachel, loves her voice, can't wait to see her in December, wants to talk to her dad next time he calls (he couldn't this time because Dad was napping), sleeps with Rachel's picture under his pillow and takes it out and kisses it--of course Rachel tell him she wants to kiss him in person--and he "will email so much." He wants Rachel to travel to meet him because it's warmer there. He actually said goodbye several times, then kept talking about how much he loves Rachel Very Happy

He still seems a little suspicious, asking what time it is in Boston. That's an easy one. Talking to Dad next time might be a little trickier. I suspect he'll be at a bingo tournament.

Posted: Mon Aug 26, 2013 10:08 pm

^^^ Nice one!

That "speak to dad" is a little tricky, yeah. Is it possible to do conference calls through Google Voice? If so, we might be able to get something where I can come in as "dad".

Anyway, after the missed 3pm call but before the 5pm call, Rachel sent the following...

I wrote:

Ando!

Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was helping dad put his laundry away and my phone was in my bag on the other side of the house. You should have left a message, my dear! I still haven't heard your voice!

waiting to hear your delicious tones,
Rachel

Posted: Tue Aug 27, 2013 8:41 am

This morning's email is short but amusing.

Lad wrote:

Darling, good morning.

Your voice last night was like a baritone. So so sweet and alluringly majestic. You're simply fantastic.

This is my special GIFT to a special one, my Angel.

LOVING YOU.
Ando

I wondered if the GIFT was another picture of Kenneth Okonkwo but there was nothing attached so I'm guessing it's just the email itself. Yes, his typed words on a screen are that special!

EDIT:

No, wait, there's an untitled email with no text but an attachment (it was marked as spam so I missed it first time).
The attachment is the following .jpg of a rose.

I wrote:

Dr Ando!

Good morning to you, sweet man! Well, I guess it's afternoon for you. It's morning here so that's what I'm going with. Haha!
Your phone call last night was excellent. I finally got to hear you and listen to you. What a delight! I need more of that, right in my ear, beside me. Oh how I wish it was December already. You think my voice is a rich baritone? Oh my, Ando, I don't know what to say to that! I'm speechless!!!

I had an amazing dream last night that featured YOU! It was full of good things and all the things we will do together. I was so sorry to wake up. But it makes me more determined to make all my plans come true now.

thinking of you always,
Rachel

Lad wrote:

Hi, Angel,

I can hear you saying you had a dream featuring me (us), please kindly narrate it to me in detail. I'm anxious to hear it. I'm very agitated now about the dream, so let it out to me in detail.

I sent you a special early morning love GIFT, do you receive it?.

I'm waiting.

LOVE.
Dr. Ando

Posted: Tue Aug 27, 2013 3:40 pm

Bahahaha! For her followup number, Rachel will be playing the Phantom of the Opera. LOL_sign

Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2013 10:09 pm

^^^ Thinking about it, I should have mentioned that he sounded like a well-trained soprano.

I wrote:

Ando! Ando! Ando!

Sorry I didn't respond to your email yesterday evening. As I said before, Tuesday night is one of me and dad's boardgame nights and I spend the entire time with him, with no distractions.

Yes, I got your GIFT. Thanks, beautiful! I can just imagine you giving me one of those in real life. It will be the most fragrant rose anyone has ever smelled.

My dream? Oh, it was kind of silly at times, like most dreams are, and a lot of it didn't make much sense when I come to think about it now. But I do remember part of it featured this bit where you and I were locked in a room and the person holding us there wouldn't let us out until you had given me 12 orgasms within 3 hours. And in the dream we kept getting to 11 and then pretending that we couldn't go any further just so we'd be locked together for even longer and so all we'd have to do is aim for that magical 12 but would you believe it, Ando, we just couldn't so we had to keep on trying again and again and again! Ha! Maybe we could try that for real, huh?

Okay, it's time to leave for work. I'm enjoying work more now that I have a solid reason for doing it. I mean, I had a reason before (to bring money in to keep dad and me with food and electricity and stuff) but that was just normal living, you know? Now, tho, there's a really good reward at the end of all that work. Wow, every time I think about it, I get a thrill down there.

Tell me about your day, Ando. What sort of stuff do you do at work? For leisure? I want to know more things about you, my love!

stay horny,
Rachel

He goes for almost two days without contacting Rachel. Hmm.

I wrote:

Ando. sweetest man,

Another day without you? My heart is hurting. Please reply and let me know you're still there and thinking about me.

love for ever,
Rachel

Lad wrote:

Hi, Angel Rachel,

Please never you question or doubt the love I have for you. Never you in your life doubt it or do anything that will undermine our relationship. I swore never to do it also.

But try to understand that I'm a busy person. Whenever I got to office in the morning, I got engrossed in the tension and stress of the day's job. So for that it may escape me writing to you.

But if you want us to be talking everyday, then you have to have Skype in your computer. It is for direct online chatting, and it is very good. It is also free, we don't pay money for it. Just download it on your computer and then register on it.

If you don't know about it, then talk to a friend. Because if both of us have it, then we shall be talking online after close of work. Then it would be your evening over there, while it is our night here, I'll always be awake to chat you.

It'll be interesting and love-provoking if we're online talking to each other directly, making jokes and sharing thoughts and love. I know you're a talkative, so you'll like it the more.

Love you my Angel.
Ando

Skype? As much as I don't mind using instant messengers (I actually started baiting sex-crazed perverts using only ICQ back in 2006 before moving onto the emails and 419ers), it's a step on the slippery slope towards him then suggesting I get a free Skype number so we can have constant telephone calls (which would be unfair, and impossible, to redo) and then possibly video calls. And that can't happen. There's no way I look like the photo I sent him!

Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2013 10:23 pm

Possible solution:

Wikipedia wrote:

Some network administrators have banned Skype on corporate, government, home and education networks, citing reasons such as inappropriate usage of resources, excessive bandwidth usage, and security concerns.

What a shame! Perhaps he can compromise and use Gmail or Yahoo chat Smile