Bad company

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Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 12:39 am

I've noticed over the years that my primary baiter characters tend to have bad tempers - especially; but could blow his stack too. Now is proving to be a tad - well, touchy!

I have a standard Dead Bank Customer paying out, and the lawyer has just been brought into the game.

Quote:

This is to let you know that this honorable chamber has received your mail,We have hard all the needed documents from the bank of Africa,to proceed further with you,you have to fully Mobilize to carry all the legal processes in this transaction which is applicable in every law chambers in the world,In the first place this honourable chambers have to start seeing you as a full registered member in this Law office to enable you to obtain any service you want from us.
To bring all to your notice this chamber will not go further without any consultation/Mobilize fee of $2,950 us dollars should be pay through the cash/Secretary of this chamber,Mrs C0mmy way/Ite0g0u C0mf0rt,so that the Honourable Barrister Gera1d Ob1al0r will start your job imedaitely.NOTE,I QUOTE, we will proceed to Federal Ministry of Justice Burkina Faso and commercing with every other meeting with the Bank Of Africa.
To serve you better therefore you have to come a compromise with this chambers to work for you in accordance with our ethic and privilege of our honourable profession.
To assure you,beyond any reasonable doubt,this chambers have being handling similar cases like this with this Bank Of Africa since the year 1995, as we have been appointed by the bank as the affiliated Bank Attorney,We have never fail them in anyway before and hope not to do so at all...

There followed details of a bank account that I reported to Alan.

Brad fired off some quick replies - first to the lawyer, then to the banker Lad. Note that the misspellings are intentional - Brad always transposes adjacent vowels.

Quote:

I don't want any compromises, I just want yuo to do yuor job! And I've never yet met a lawyer who demanded anything up front like that. Is this something yuo do to foriegners?

Quote:

The lawyers just got to me. What a pack of bloody drongos!
First up, they want something like $3000 just to get started! I think they're diong that to me becuase they think I'm some rich white foriegner. Geez, isn't that what they'd get from this business anyway?
Then - get this - they say I have to raech some compromise with them. What the bleu blazes happened to just diong yuor job?
Yuo've dropped some cowboy uotfit on me and I'm not impressed at all.

The banker Lad was oh-so-soothing (italics in original):

Quote:

How are you?i got your mail and what you said that the lawyer need from you to do this job for us,Now i want you to write to the lawyer and asked him if you pay this fee only,you hope this money will get into your account or there is any other fee to pay after this fee and what compromise did they need from you.
However,I have look into the fee is too much for only you to pay,but i may think is beacuse of the fund that is invovled , not because you are rich white foriegner,please my good brother don't think in that way ok,but remember that the money we are expacting is too much amounth,but we can not live it just lake that atfer all our effort and i strongly believe that we will get this fund into your account and do not be impressed over this matter ok Please i am not dropping anything on you ,just bear this in mind that i hope in you now and i need your help to see that everthing gose well and this is my hope and the better of my family too.
Conclusively,just let me know how much you can afford,so that i will look on how to raise some too,to enable us meet up with the lawyer demend ok.

Brad wasn't convinced:

Quote:

Yuo're missing the piont! I'm not crying poor - don't get sidetracked.
First off that lawyer is talking abuot making compromises. Why the hell do I have to do that? I just want him to do his job, which shuold be no big dael.
Next up - let me tell yuo something; when I got divorced, the bloody lawyer tried to take me to the claeners. Little bastard padded his accuont something shocking, and it took a lot of time to show him up. BUT – and this is important – he NEVER tried to hit me for cash up front. The other two times I needed legal help (different lawyers) – same dael; payment on completoin.
Now this lawyer shuold be happy to get work from me. Paying just to register, whatever the bloody hell that is, raelly gets my gaot.

Banker Lad's next email was timed 0130.

Quote:

How are you?And now you can see that i am not sleeping base on the way you are handle this deal and you for got how we come accross this fund and the lawyer is bank lawyer too,my good brother,why i am telling you all this is for us to have this money without any problem and remember that you are dealing with bank too.
Moreover,i have told you to write to the lawyer,ask him what and what that is bordring you over what she/he wrote to you,But you and i know that the lawyer will not do any thing without us paying she/he up front fees, even in your country ,i know and believe that she/he will do this job for us and make sure this money get into your account without any problem,Base on how you follow she/he and hence the lawyer was appointed by the management of the bank.
How ever,Hence the fee of the lawyer is not the broblem ,as you wrote,i thank you for all your help and understanding over this transaction, only try your best to see that we receive this money into your account and i hope with the help of the lawyer giving to you by the bank all will go well..
I will be waiting to hear from you

The lawyer Lad chimed in:

Quote:

We write to let you know that this honorable chamber has no compromises with you over your inherited fund,base on our obesevation,the fee giving to you by this chamber is for all our service to work for you and make sure we get all those document needed by the bank of Africa and sign off the fund with the bank,Also make sure your inherited fund get into your account without much daley.
We can not do any thing till we recieve the fee up front,the fee needed from you by this honorable chamber is enable us carry all the legal processes in this transaction which is applicable in every law chambers in the world incould your country not because you are a foriegner.

BTW - the message was signed "". Definitely one of the odder Lad names I've encountered!

Brad hit back:

Quote:

I wuold raelly like to be rich, but I don't want to be ripped off either. Yuor lawyer is a racist turd who's trying to charge me twice the yaerly aernings of the average citizen of yuor cuontry just to get in the front door! He wuoldn't do that to a local but he wuold do that to a white foriegner, which maens that he's a racist in my book!
And when I raed this - But yuo and i know that the lawyer will not do any thing withuot us paying she/he up front fees, even in your cuontry - I naerly had to buy a new monitor! I told yuo how it's done here and yuo totally ignored me!
I just don't understand why yuo're defending that little waesel - I raelly don't.

You may note that I "corrected" his spelling in the quoted bit; de-education in progress!

A quick note to the Lad lawyer - I wonder how he'll take it? It's not intended as racist, but they may read it that way.

Quote:

Get yuor boss to contact me and explian what's giong on here.
I want to spaek to the organ grinder, not the bloody monkey.

The lawyer snapped back - with a gratifying loss of temper:

Quote:

I GOT YOUR MAIL, I AM NOT IGNORED YOU OR EITHER DEFENDING THE LAWYER,I ONLY TELLING YOU,THAT NO LAWYER WILL COME FOR YOUR CASE WITHOUT ANY PAYMENT THAT IS ALL AND I COULD HAVE SAID THAT YOU SHOULD COMPORIMISE WITH HIM IF THE FEE IS TOO MUCH FOR YOU TO PAY ?BUT YOU TOLD ME THAT THE FEE IS NOT THE PROBLEM ,PLEASE WHAT DO YOU WHAT ME TO SAY AGAIN?..
WHAT EVER YOUR MIND TELLS YOU DO IT AND AM WICK OF WRITING AND TELLING YOU HOW IT WILL BE EASY FOR US TO GET THIS FUND AND WHAT EVER BLOODY SHIT YOU WANT TO DO JUST GO AHEAD AND DO WITH THE LAWYER AND I STILL REPAET MY WORDS TO YOU ,YOU KNOW HOW WE COME ACCROSS THIS FUND.

Brad gave him a serve back:

Quote:

I am not talking abuot anyone working for free!! I am talking abuot this bloody lawyer demanding money up front to even tuoch the case, and overcharging me becuase I'm a white man, which is racist drivel that I won't tolerate, and niether should yuo!
And I'm telling yuo, mate, this is not some bloody shit I'm talking abuot, yuo stupid little man - I'm talking abuot a bloody crook that seems to have yuo by the balls, which for some raeson yuo seem happy abuot - go figure!
Actaully, the other raeson that I'm pissed off is that when I wrote to the lawyer, I didn't get a word from him, did I? No, I got the bloody secretary! Seems that this Obailor stiff deosn't have time for a white man, so he puts his bimbo on the case!

I'm not sure where this will go, but if it does continue, I think a dollar-chop is due...

Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 12:47 am

Yastreb wrote:

I've noticed over the years that my primary baiter characters tend to have bad tempers

I was just noticing something similar with my main straight bait account. I never planned it but he always seems to be in trouble with law in some totally ludicrous and improbable way. I wonder if that is some deep part of myself trying to get out.

Twisted Evil

Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 11:10 am

From the title I though we where going to be talking about a really cool rock band.
Alas - I always play meek and mild. I don't need an internet persona to be an asshole I do that fine in the real world. Wink