Persistent FBI Lad

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Posted: Wed Apr 15, 2020 7:12 am

^^^ You ninja'd me Jimlad but I'm glad that you took Yastreb's advice. I can't wait to see if your lad prefers to join your humble church. The $12K incentive should, at the very least, intrigue him Laughing

Posted: Wed Apr 15, 2020 8:16 am

My lad has responded in grand style. He was away for several hours, claiming to be negotiating with his head office for the release of an ownership certificate. What he was really doing was making one!

It's a lot better than some I've seen but there are problems with it as the good reverend will point out later today. (I've got an online meeting for work in fifteen minutes) For instance: why, when this money is supposed to be coming from an unspecified African government, is this certificate emblazoned with the FBI's name, apparently issued by them?? They are supposed to be the facilitator of this transaction, not the payment authority.

Meanwhile this is what the lad sent with the certificate. I have to say I'm surprised by his reaction to the good reverend's invitation to join his church, cash windfall and all.

Quote:

Thanks for the information about your church, but I’m sorry I can’t be a member of,, { Church of th3 Bl00dy M@ry }
Because I had a church Am attending to, since i was born,, I can’t just change my church because of your money.
I’m Sorry!

Open the attachment you’ll see a picture of Richard’s inheritance certificate,, the headOffice sent it to me few hours ago,, because I told them you requested that.

Try and loan the 500 euro to Richard,, so I’ll deliver his compensation ATM Card to him.

Posted: Wed Apr 15, 2020 8:49 am

Yeah, that certificate doesn't really tell you much. It's an "inheritance" form but I can't really tell if his scam is a NOK (Next of Kin) inheritance scam or a scam victim's relief scam. I was under the assumption that this was a compensation scam to credit you monies that were previously stolen from you in the past by other scammers. If that is the case then what does inheritance have to do with anything? It is cool that you made him scramble to produce you something...and he actually delivered!

Maybe try to lead him away from the victim compensation format and get him talking about the inheritance NOK side of things. You can use my previous suggestion to get him to agree that the deceased left you [insert ridiculous if not impossible] asset list. He must provide a catalog of those items with pictures and assessment amounts to you as per the law. One user here asked her lad if he could procure cerulean (blue) gold. He was uncharacteristically smart by saying that he was unable to procure such an item. If you can get your lad to say yes to such a non-existent item he will be forced to photoshop an image of real gold by making it turn blue. As I mentioned before it is likely that your lad has to pay another lad to create such things. The more the merrier in these trying times but lads need to be kept busy so they aren't free to continue their scams.

Posted: Wed Apr 15, 2020 9:40 am

The good reverend has some questions:

Quote:

Dear Mr. Davidson
Thank you for sending me the certificate. I have a couple of questions for you regarding it.
In your original mail to me you said:

"African government are now compensating some citizens, that have been victims of on going scam activists over there in Africa.

And Rich@rd S0ale name was found among the 20 lucky once in the victim list.

That’s the main reasons he’s receiving this compensation funds valued $10.5 million."

But that certificate is labelled "Inheritance Certificate". Compensation for being a scam victim is not an inheritance. You also said that an African government was doing the compensating. Why then is the certificate from the FBI and not that African government? I thought the FBI was only facilitating this transaction or have I misunderstood my nephew?

I would be grateful for some clarification on these points.

Kindest Regards and God Bless you

The Right Rev3rend Ign@tius Niblung G00secre@ture, LLD (Hons.)

Posted: Wed Apr 15, 2020 10:44 am

Regardless of whatever Junior G-Man sends in reply, ask him who died and left the money. You don't recall having any relatives who were as rich as Creosote.*

*Who's Creosote, you ask? Some bugger who was rich.**
**Terry Pratchett reference.
***The footnotes would have been a major hint.

Posted: Wed Apr 15, 2020 1:13 pm

There was no response to the Rev's email so I tried to gee him up a bit:

Quote:

He has just phoned me and asked me to ask you to check your email. He has written to you.

Two hours went by...radio silence. So I tried again, this time with a boot on:

Quote:

Me: Have you contacted him? We need to get this moving so I can get the loan quickly because you told me there was a time limit on this card.

Still nothing...

Quote:

Me: Are you there?

Lad: Hello. I’m here

Me: So have you contacted my uncle? He emailed you this morning.

Lad: Yes

Me: When did you send it?

He sends me another screenshot of his phone

The certificate came from FBI headOffice because we’re in charge of the compensation fund’s,, African government handed the funds over to the FBI So we’ll guide and protect the funds until it gets to the scam victims.
That’s the only document guiding this transaction. (A bullshit story if ever I heard one)
You’ve to try and loan your nephew the money,, so we’ll start working on his delivery immediately.

Me: Thank you for that, Mr Davidson. Please keep an eye on your emails because my uncle is not using Hangouts so he has no way to be in real-time contact as you and I do.

Lad: Okay

More awkward questions are winging their way to the lad's phone from the good reverend.

Posted: Wed Apr 15, 2020 3:56 pm

I decide to speed things up as this lad is rubbish at replying to my uncle:

Quote:

Me: My uncle has said he will now copy me in on his emails to you. That way, if you do not see them I can tell you he's written to you. It'll save time.

Lad: Why’s your uncle delaying from giving you the money.?

Me: He's told me he has questions for you regarding the certificate. He's the money expert, not me, since he is the church treasurer. Because he is the treasurer he is very careful so if he has questions you can be sure they are valid. But why don't you email him and ask? It would be easier for you to get the answer to that straight from the horse's mouth rather than going through me. When he's satisfied he will loan me the money...but not before.

Lad: I’ve answered all his questions

Me: I'll check with him. I did say he could be a bit dotty. I'll get back to you.

Lad: Okay

Half an hour later:

Quote:

Me: I've just spoken him and he's forwarded the email he sent to you. He asked a question: "I note you have referred to it as a compensation once more so can you tell me if that certificate, which is labelled "inheritance" is the correct one for my nephew to receive or has a mistake been made and he has the correct personal details on the wrong certificate?" He just wants to be sure that is the correct certificate because it's called an inheritance certificate when you've said I am being compensated, which is a different thing. I never really noticed that before but he's right...that certificate could be the wrong one.

Ten minutes go by and nothing from chummy

Me: Did you get that?

Another ten minutes go by...

Me: (delivering a bit of a slapping) Please stop disappearing! There's little point being on Hangouts if you keep doing that. It ends up no quicker than email would be and time is of the essence here.

Lad: (All indignant and defensive) That’s not a wrong certificate!! (Here comes some classic lad-fuck-up-covering logic) It’s named inheritance certificate because you inherited the funds from being a scam victim. I’ve explained to your uncle that the certificate is the correct one!

Me: (and I'm having none of that kind of crap!) Inheritance means you inherit funds from a dead relative or friend. YOU said this was compensation. A different thing entirely, it being a payment from a person or body in compensation of a loss caused by financial error or misdeed. This HAS to be correct!

Lad: That’s the only certificate guiding your funds (yes, and you can't be bothered to make another one to correct your stupid mistake, can you, boi?)

Me: Then someone has made a mistake because it is incorrectly designated inheritance when it should say compensation. (Here's where I try to extract more work from our hero) If you can give my uncle a legally notarised letter explaining that the certificate is correct regardless of that typographical error, then all will be well. He has to be able to show that everything is as it should be with no mistakes made or at least, those that are, accounted for.

Laddy's having none of it and digs his heels in...

Lad: Richard the certificate is correct,, I can’t keep repeating myself.

I've had enough of this twonk, so I do the same. Time to go for broke...

Me: It's not correct as I have explained but if you can get a notarised latter saying that it is correct for my uncle, he can present it to the church board when he applies for the loan on my behalf. Can you do that please?

Lad: That’s not possible Richard (who'd have thought that?) Your uncle can use the inheritance certificate and get a loan from his church.

Me: A mistake like that will prevent the church board from approving the loan. A notarised letter covering it would solve the issue. It's either that or a new, correctly designated certificate is required. You could always do as my uncle suggested...join his church and receive the $12,500 grant and pay the fee for me from it. That gets round all of the problems.

Lad: If your uncle can’t get the loan,, I guess we should wait until your bank return the 1000 euro, then you can pay the fee from the money. (Church bait's off then, it seems Mad

)

Me: That could take months and you said there was a time limit on this ATM card.

Lad: I don’t know what else to do,, because that’s the only certificate guiding your funds. (Yes you do you lazy git. You're just too bone idle to do it).
It’s named inheritance certificate because you inherited the funds from being a scam victim. (There's that tortured lad logic and wilful misinterpretation of the English language again)

Me: I'm sorry Mr Davidson but that is not what an inheritance is. Look it up in a dictionary. You'll see I'm correct here. You said yourself this was compensation, not inheritance. If it's an inheritance, why didn't you call it that to begin with? We need to clear this up, and quickly. These two words mean very different things and confusing them is not an option. If this went to court, they'd laugh at you for making such a schoolboy error.
Provide a notarised letter to my uncle explaining the situation and we have no problem. You get the fee and I get the funds.

Lad: The headOffice is not stupid by naming it inheritance certificate. (Oh but it is/you are, laddy) Whenever you’ve the money for the shipping fee,, then contact me so I’ll give you information on how you can pay the shipping fee,, and I’ll start working on your delivery. (He's trying back away now and has reverted to his script as if the last three weeks hadn't happened)

Me: (In slap mode) Please stop defending an obvious mistake Mr. Davidson. Accept an error was made and rectify it by issuing a letter stating the mistake was innocently made and has been accounted for. I told you I needed a loan to pay this fee and without your cooperation that loan will not be possible. Sticking your head in the sand and pretending that everything will be okay is an unprofessional approach. I expected better from the FBI. (Well, I would, of the real FBI at least)

With that I'll let him stew until tomorrow at which point my uncle, the good reverend, will step in and announce he's loaning me the money out of his own pocket. Unfortunately for chummy here, "his own pocket", will mean the church restoration fund collection box. And just at the point of me getting the money through to our lad, I will be arrested in the Moneygram shop by the boys in blue of the Lincolnshire Constabulary...and who knows what will happen after that!

Posted: Wed Apr 15, 2020 8:36 pm

What a jerk. I loved how he gave you the silent treatment as he tried to think of an excuse to explain the error. His decision to try to expand the official definition of the word inheritance was pretty funny. "You inherited the money from a scam victim's compensation fund" is a pretty decent excuse coming from a lad but rather childish in general. At this point I really do think that he is paying another lad to generate documents and pictures for him. If he did them himself it would be no trouble at all to change the word inheritance to compensation. We're talking about 500 Euros for one measely word here so he must be trying to avoid paying another lad to make the change. In the long run this is good. He'll drag his feet trying to avoid spending his own money of course but the fact that he has sunk costs trying to scam you means that he will be more determined to recoup that cash and save face.

He's a little too bossy for my liking. He needs to get you a corrected certificate or notarized letter and apologize to you or you will be forced to speak with a manager. A video apology from him would be lovely but he's pretending to be a white FBI agent in Washington DC. My guess is that he really lives in Benin as that is where he wants you to WU the money.

This loser will probably stick around but you'll have to work for it. Endless calls to the MCTN hotline and a few dollachops will do this lad some good.

Posted: Thu Apr 16, 2020 7:30 am

I've tried quite hard to get a notarised letter or corrected certificate from him but he won't budge. The good Reverend tried once more last night to convince him his insistance of the equivalence of compensation and inheritance was wrong. This elicited the lad's desperate clinging to his mistake in the face of overwhelming contrary evidence (and thanks go to Yastreb for this idea):

Quote:

Dear Mr.Davidson
If your head office is so sure it's an inheritance, get them to tell me who it was who died and left the money. And if it is an inheritance, stop calling it compensation! You can't have it both ways!

His response was, well, his response together with a classically laddish encouragement to come up with the fee...again! Have you also noticed how this supposedly Washington-based white FBI agent is sounding increasingly West African as this bait goes on?:

Quote:

That’s not possible! The headOffice is not stupid to know it inheritance certificate,, that’s be Richard inherited the funds for being a scam victim.
Try and loan him the money from your own pocket,, once I delivered his ATM Card he will surely pay you back with extra money on top.

You'll not be getting your fee lad, but you'll come ooooh so close it'll drive you out of your mind! Twisted Evil

Posted: Thu Apr 16, 2020 7:35 am

I've tried quite hard to get a notarised letter or corrected certificate from him but he won't budge. The good Reverend tried once more last night to convince him that his insistance on the equivalence of compensation and inheritance was wrong. This elicited the lad's desperate clinging to his mistake in the face of overwhelming contrary evidence (and thanks go to Yastreb for this idea):

Quote:

Dear Mr.Davidson
If your head office is so sure it's an inheritance, get them to tell me who it was who died and left the money. And if it is an inheritance, stop calling it compensation! You can't have it both ways!

His response was, well, his response, together with a classically laddish encouragement to come up with the fee...again! Have you also noticed how this supposedly Washington-based white FBI agent is sounding increasingly West African as the bait goes on?:

Quote:

That’s not possible! The headOffice is not stupid to know it inheritance certificate,, that’s be Richard inherited the funds for being a scam victim.
Try and loan him the money from your own pocket,, once I delivered his ATM Card he will surely pay you back with extra money on top.

You'll not be getting your fee lad, but you'll come ooooh so close it'll drive you out of your mind! Twisted Evil

Chummy also wrote to me at the same time a very bossy couple of lines:

Cheeky lad wrote:

Your uncle said he will loan you the money from his own pocket,, then I told him to do so.

Once I delivered your ATM Card you’ll pay him back with extra money on top.

Really?! Is that a fact? I am obviously yours to command, oh master! Rolling Eyes

Posted: Thu Apr 16, 2020 9:01 am

Quote:

Your uncle said he will loan you the money from his own pocket,, then I told him to do so.

Once I delivered your ATM Card you’ll pay him back with extra money on top.

This should be the straw that broke the camel's back. Does he think that you never speak to your own uncle? News flash: you do and he told you that he is waiting on a certificate that says compensation...not inheritance. The terms of the loan are none of the lad's business. Unless the lad intends to pay uncle the "extra on top" then he should STFU. What a pompous ass.

You don't inherit money from a victim's fund. A dead relative's savings account can't leave you money when they die. People inherit things from other people. End of forking story. You need the correct certificate. Being a victim, this whole thing is starting to smell like a scam. He can either provide you the right document or he can go away. Simples!

Posted: Thu Apr 16, 2020 9:32 am

I've got much more fiendish plans for my laddy.
I'm never going to get a new certificate from him so he has to be punished with more lad pain. I'll not give the game away too much but the Police will be involved followed by a German cousin who has an account at a bank run by the Nazi underground. She offers a cheque in payment of the fee. Maybe Interpol gets in on the game when they get wind of the Nazis. All these players will be asking my lad some very awkward and tedious questions.

And chummy finds his fee is always j u s t out of reach. Twisted Evil

Posted: Thu Apr 16, 2020 1:34 pm

My lad sent me the same bossy tirade he sent last night to my uncle:

Quote:

Lad: Your uncle said he will loan you the money from his own pocket,, then I told him to do so. Once I delivered your ATM Card you’ll pay him back with extra money on top. (Your arrogant bubble is going to be popped, boi)

Me: Good morning Mr. Davidson. I see you have heard the news from my uncle then? I'll need the details of the name and address of the person it's to be sent to.

Without any niceties at all, my boi delivers the goods.

Lad: Send the required fee to the below information

Receivers Name: ****** *****

Country : Benin Republic

City : Cotonou

Me: Thanks. I'll get that done over lunchtime.

Lad: Alright

Meanwhile, The good Reverend has some news for the lad. He's a bit dotty in his old age and has forgotten he said last night that he would loan my character the 500 Euros. So this morning he finds his restoration fund short of the aforementioned amount, panics, and calls the police:

Quote:

Dear Mr. Davidson
I am writing to inform you that my nephew, Richard Soale, has been arrested because he has stolen £500 from my church's restoration fund collection box. On counting the money this morning I found it was short by that amount and it is no coincidence that he was in my church last night praying after a particularly stressful day. That was unusual in itself since my nephew has always told me he is an atheist. Last night he informed me he was trying to pay you a fee of 500 Euros and he has obviously taken that amount from my church as he is not a wealthy man largely because he has a gambling habit and is constantly in the company of harlots. Things like that cost a lot of money and my nephew has obviously been desperate.
As a good Christian, I will forgive him this sin, and since he is being punished at this very moment by being in a police cell, and the £500 was recovered, I feel I cannot compound his pain by punishing him more.
I just thought you ought to know as you seem to be in business with him.

Kindest Regards and God Bless you

The Right Rev3rend Ign@tius Niblung G00secre@ture, LLD (Hons.)

I wonder what chummy will make of that since it's now clear the money never made it as far as being handed over at the MoneyGram counter. Is it a Dolla Chop if the police are the ones taking the money from my lad's increasingly sweaty little hands?

Posted: Thu Apr 16, 2020 2:01 pm

I suppose you could call it a chop if the cops keep the money. In the US there's a contraversial law called "Asset Forfeiture" that allows law enforcement to seize property and other assets if they suspect that it was acquired using profits from a crime. The rules may have changed by now but when it was set up the police were not required to return those assets even if the suspect was found not guilty. The concept was heavily abused. Cops would pull people over for speeding, call them a druggie, seize the car, and then sell it all before the court date. And there was nothing you could do about it.

I like that the batty uncle called the police for something that he did himself and got your main character arrested. I assume his bail will cost exactly $500 right Twisted Evil

Posted: Thu Apr 16, 2020 4:10 pm

You've got it bikeatl77!
The fertiliser has started to interface with the air conditioning. My lad wrote to the good Reverend and he was NOT happy:

Dolla Chopped Boi wrote:

You’ve no right to call the cop’s👮‍♀️ on your nephew because your church money is missing. (love the cop emoji...is this guy ten years old?)
Are you referring Richard as a criminal!??
Why would you call the cops on him because your church money got missing,,, when you have no proof that Richard stole the money from collection box.
I give you only 30 minutes to call the police, and tell them to release Richard immediately!
It seems like you never wanted to see your nephew to become a millionaire.??
Why can’t you help him with the little help he seeks from you?
I’m sure you’ll come before him to ask for help once I delivered his ATM Card.

The good Reverend is having none of this halfwit's lecturing:

Indignant Man of the Cloth wrote:

Dear Mr Davidson
I don't know who you think you are but I advise you to mind your own business. I called the police because Richard was in my church praying last night when he does not believe in God, and then £500 disappears from the restoration fund collection box. Besides, when the police arrested him, they found the £500 on him! He did it, pure and simple! You say you give me thirty minutes to call the police. Or WHAT exactly? What are you saying? Are you threatening me? With what? You are in the USA and I am five thousand miles to your East. Exactly what do you think you are capable of at that distance?
As I said at the start Mr. Davidson...Mind your own business!

The Right Rev3rend Ign@tius Niblung G00secre@ture, LLD (Hons.)

The good Reverend is going to send our hero a clipping from tomorrow's newspaper about this. We'll see how he reacts to my character being bailed for £500 to appear in court on Monday.

Posted: Thu Apr 16, 2020 5:04 pm

I think your lad owes you an apology. He's bad mouthing a priest and told Richard that his Uncle was lending the money before he even agreed to that. The link below contains two Formal Apology forms. One is short and sweet and the other is a 3 page PDF for those lads that need a dash of industrial strength atonement. There are all kinds of fun forms on that site. Maybe you'd like to hire the lad and bring him to the US. There's a really nice and professional US Passport application form that is 50 pages long. Lads are asked to draw what a terrorist looks like, provide measurement dimensions of their primary residence, solve ridiculous number puzzles, and they have to put their thumbprint in ink on every single page. He can fill out the Homeland Security and Anti-Terror forms while he's at it as well. There's all kinds of other shitfuckery there as well including blurred passport pictures and gnarled WU receipts etc.

Obviously, you need to download what you want to send to the lad and email it to him as an attachment. Sending out the link will blow the bait as it is pretty obvious what the site's purpose is all about. Have fun!

http://www.scambaitingtools.com/forms.htm

Posted: Thu Apr 16, 2020 5:23 pm

Thanks bikeatl77 Very Happy

There's some very good and useful stuff there and I'll have use for it as the bait progresses. Particularly when he is daubed in to Interpol for receiving funds via cheque from the Nazi Party in Berlin. I've created the cheque in Photoshop and very pleased I am with it too.

Posted: Fri Apr 17, 2020 8:55 am

This morning, laddy gets an email from the good Reverend in which he sends him a clipping from the local newspaper (and thanks to Deuzer for this fantastic baiting tool!):

Quote:

Dear Mr. Davidson
I have attached a clipping from this morning's local newspaper covering Richard's arrest. He was released late last night on bail. I expect he will be in touch although it may not be until later today. I hope you have calmed down by now.

The Right Rev3rend Ign@tius Niblung G00secre@ture, LLD (Hons.)

The text of the article reads:

Quote:

A local man, Rlchard Soale of Du*n*y on the Gr33n, was arrested at the MoneyGram counter of Sainsbury's in Ipswich yesterday, after it was discovered he was attempting to send money abroad which, it is alleged, he had earlier stolen from the restoration fund of the Church of All Saints and St. Margaret in nearby Hintlesham.

The alleged crime was reported to the police by the curate of All Saints and St. Margaret, the Right Rev3rend Ign@tius Niblung G00secre@ture, who, it appears, is the accused's uncle. On being detained by the Llncolnshire C0nstabul@ry, the accused made a statement to the effect that he had been loaned the money by his uncle, in order for him to pay a fee for the recovery of a large compensation fund from the USA, although the police found that he was attempting to send the money to the Benin Republic. The Llncolnshire C0nstabul@ry refused to be drawn on the case but a report has been sent by them to the Crown Prosecution Service and Mr. So@le will appear in court on Monday, charged with theft. He has been released on police bail of £500.

The Rev3rend Ign@tius G00secre@ture said he was unable to understand why his nephew had stolen the money but that he had forgiven him for doing so. "Richard has been under a lot of stress lately" he said. "He has been attempting to recover compensation from the USA after he was scammed several years ago. He lost a lot of money then and he's lost more this time round in attempting to receive his compensation".
If found guilty, Mr. So@le could be jailed for up to six months.

Hopefully this will send chummy into a spin since he can now see that his 500 Euros has just gone into bailing me out of the police cell last night. Razz

Posted: Fri Apr 17, 2020 10:08 am

I hope the lad buys into the article. Being a lad, he won't give a single damn that the money was allocated to something else. He'll tell you to go ahead and pay him again with instructions on how to send it. It's too bad that he is posing as a white FBI agent in America. Richard's upcoming court date would be a good reason for him to make a "character witness" testimony video. Richard could show his true colors of nievete by telling the lad that he just won a Coca-Cola bottle cap lottery in Nigeria. The funny thing is that he doesn't even drink the stuff because his teeth have crap enamel. He must be one of the luckiest men alive! The lad in Nigeria even provided you a certificate that correctly said "lottery" on it. The terms of the lottery does require Richard to pay $1,000 to a lottery administrator in Lagos. Yes, the fee is twice what your real lad wants but he won even more via the lottery than with the compensation fund. Coca-Cola says that they will wire ALL the money into his checking account versus having to deal with stupid ATM cards with daily withdrawal limits. He was even offered a life long supply of Coke that he plans to donate to the church so it's a win win for everyone....well except for your lad I guess. You're going to sell your rare collection of limited edition uncirculated Cat Fancy magazines or whatever to pay the lottery fees. The money was promised to be wired to Richard within 48 hours of payment so you will pay your real lad once the transfer goes through Cool

Maybe later after a few more chops and failed transfers you can say that Richard took a job within the church to get the charges dropped. His duties include doing missionary work in Africa. You'll just swing by your FBI lad in Benin and hand over the $500 to clear all this fee business once and for all. Then Richard gets kidnapped or something radical like that. That reverend with the weird goose name can ask your lad to negotiate the ransom payment. Your lad is FBI after all so he's the most obvious and qualified choice. This has been done several times here on Eater. It is so funny to sit back and watch the lad try to skim off the top of the ransom money. Your fake lad says he wants a million dollars to free Richard. 9 times out of ten the lad will tell the church that the kidnappers want something like $3 million and that they will only work with your real lad. Therefore the bastard is attempting to pocket $2 million. You can ask the lad for a really strange trophy that you know he won't do and then kill Richard off. The church blames the lad for Richard's death and finds out about his attempt to steal. Then punish him in other ways Laughing

^^^^ ETA: if you say you are going to Benin you'll have to get the lad to admit that he lives there or let him tell you that he or a different field agent will meet up with you. Don't agree to meet at a specific date or location as you'll contact him when you get there. You don't want to risk the lad actually going anywhere in these times of social distancing.

Posted: Fri Apr 17, 2020 12:13 pm

Jimlad wrote:

The Right Rev3rend Ign@tius Niblung G00secre@ture, LLD (Hons.)

Please avoid leeting. It makes the thread difficult to read (especially for those using text to speech programs or with visual impairments). Instead, wouldn't it take less time to just write Reverend Iggy? Google has become very good at recognizing leeting, so careful editing may be more effective.

Please see: Guidelines

Quote:

There seems to be rampant paranoia about Google lately, and an increasingly overwhelming use of leeting to prevent any name from being found in a search. Please, to make it easier on everyone, take a moment before leeting a name to think about whether it really serves any purpose. Leeting is hard to read, especially for those who are dyslexic, non-native English users or vision-impaired and rely on text-to-speech software. If it's a situation where you absolutely must obfuscate a name, consider using the "mask" feature -- bracket the name between mask tags [mask ] [ /mask] and it will become unsearchable. However, please note that this feature takes up bandwith so use it sparingly! Only mask one or two words, never mask entire paragraphs. If you do have good cause to leet (which is perhaps .0001% of the time), just change ONE character. Please don't write "P47r1(|{ J0n3$" when "Patrick J0nes" would be more than enough to obfuscate it.

Posted: Fri Apr 17, 2020 12:31 pm

I might be able to use the missionary angle at some point. At the moment I have chummy eating out of my hand!:

Quote:

Me: Good afternoon Mr Davidson. I'm back. I have quite a story to tell you!

Lad: Hi Richard I’m very sorry for your arrest. I’m not happy that you slept over at the police station. I wish it was here in the states,, I’d never allow that to happen. (You're all heart, boi)
All this bad moment will give you the wisdom to spend your compensation funds wisely and you’ll also know your real ones
I believe all this is happening to show you your love ones. (I suppose you think I should consider you one of them?)
How’re you doing today ?
It’s not easy to become a millionaire
It seems like Your uncle never wanted to see you become a millionaire
He wants you to keep depending on him,, and that’s very bad. (He's a judgemental little shitbag, isn't he?)

I tell him a tale

Quote:

Thank you for your support but you have my uncle all wrong though. It wasn't his fault. It's his mind. He's got the early stages of Alzheimer's disease which means there are times he forgets what's going on. He contacted the police yesterday because he genuinely thought I'd stolen from his church. He forgot he'd said he would loan me the money and had actually given it to me in cash. His mind had erased that part and all he could remember was me being in the church and then the money disappearing. I was detained by the police on that basis. After I was released this morning on bail I went home and printed out the email where my uncle said he would loan me the money and took it back to the police station to show them I had been telling the truth. After seeing it they agreed a misunderstanding had taken place and they dropped the charges against me. The £500 is gone however (damn!) because it was used as bail while the charges still applied and under English law that means the amount is forfeit. I'll have to find some other way of raising the fee now. I can't go back to my uncle after this though. He's too erratic now.

Lad: Alright Richard. I’m sorry for what happened. I know you never stole the money. (He's bought into this garbage completely!)

Me: Thanks for believing in me. You'll need to give me a bit of time though to sort out where I'm going to get another 500 Euros from. I have a few relatives I can ring round to ask. I have a fairly close-knit family so hopefully I'll manage to get a loan from someone.
(Enter Leni Ri3f3nstahl, my black-sheep-of-the-family cousin who lives in Germany or, as she likes to call it, the Grossdeutsches Reich. We don't like to talk about her...she's a rabid Nazi...the upside though is that she's very rich because she inherited a fortune from her grandmother, the other Leni Ri3f3nstahl, Hitler's propaganda filmmaker.)

Lad: Welcome! I’ll try my possible best and keep your ATM Card safe in my office. (Shouldn't be difficult to keep something that doesn't exist from being stolen) Cool

Me: Excellent! I'll be in touch soon.

Lad: Take care Richard

Me: Thanks.

Lad: 👍🏻

Posted: Fri Apr 17, 2020 1:57 pm

You might want to obfuscate the last name of your rabid Nazi cousin just to be on the safe side. I do see that their full name is the same as a German director/actress from the 1930's. I'm not sure how Google would rank this thread in the search results if a lad does some background checking but a lot of hard work could go down the drain if your lad stumbles upon his very own bait.

Richard could always play the classic "just pay the fees out of my compensation funds" game and be completely obtuse when the lad says that is not possible. "No no no, it's OK...you have my permission. Feel free to use the PIN that you assigned to the card and use it to withdraw money. Oh what the hell, you can even take out another $500 for yourself. I feel generous today!".

There's not a lot you can do with that angle but it does frustrate them. Especially when you can never seem to understated his excuses and keep pestering him about it. Lads provide some pretty convoluted excuses as to why you can't use the funds to pay his fees. It's like the reverse of when you tell a lad that you won't do WU/MG or gift cards for the umpteenth time yet they always forward you the receiver details with a reminder to send them a copy of the payment slip.

Do you plan to out him as pretending to be someone else or get him to introduce a new African-based character to work with? There's a whole world of picture and video trophies you could ask for but he'll never do them while he pretends to be a white American. With safaris, group rituals, videos, and pictures off the table there is a limited number of things you can do to him. Especially since he doesn't seem too keen to join your church Crying or Very sad

Posted: Fri Apr 17, 2020 3:03 pm

I've obfuscated the name as you've suggested. I'm going to try your suggestion that he take the fees from the fund and see where it goes. At the very least it'll mess up his day and keep him occupied until I introduce my rabidly Nazi cousin. Thanks for the idea bikeatl77!

Posted: Fri Apr 17, 2020 3:18 pm

Time to put an awkward question to my lad and thanks to bikeatl77 for the idea. First, the stall:

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Me: Hello Mr Davidson

Lad: Hi Richard

Me: Hi. I've been phoning various relatives. One or two said no to me but to be honest I wasn't really surprised they did. The relatives concerned aren't exactly wealthy and with the coronavirus hitting people's earning power, I can't blame them for refusing. I have another couple of possibilities but I've not been able to reach them as yet. I've left messages for both so I'll have to wait until they get back to me before I'll know if this is going to work.

Lad: Okay

(Here we go...)

Me: Another thought crossed my mind though. Why don't you just take the fee directly from my fund? It would be far more straightforward and we'd get it done pretty much right away.

Chummy was quick to respond with the predictable reply:

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Lad: It’s not possible because it was lawfully signed and stamped, that no one has legal right to deduct from your fund until it gets to you.
No one have the right to make use of your ATM Card

Me: But can I not authorise you to do it? It is my money after all.

That's made him go quiet. He's going to have think up a very good reason why I cannot authorise him to make a withdrawal from my own money. He's clearly not got the grey matter to come up with one quickly so he may even have to ask one of his scammer friends and an answer will probably cost him real money. Laughing

Ten minutes later:

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Me: Hello?

Ten more minutes go by...

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Lad: It doesn’t work the way you think. You’re required to pay the shipping fee from your pocket,, and that’s the fee required from you.

Me: I don't understand why it works like that. Can you explain it to me? If you have the card and the PIN number, then surely I can write a letter of authority to you to take whatever is needed. In fact, I could sweeten the pill by authorising you to take a thousand...five hundred for yourself.

He's stumped again. Our hero isn't the quickest of cats at the best of times but put him on the spot like this and he freezes like a rabbit caught in a car's headlamps.

Another ten minutes later...

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If you can't do that, could you put me in touch with someone at the African government end...the people the fund is coming from...and I'll see if I can negotiate something with them.

Will he go to the trouble of creating an African character I can get my teeth into? (Thanks go again to bikeatl77 for the idea)

Posted: Fri Apr 17, 2020 3:49 pm

If it was "lawfully signed and stamped" then you need to see a copy of that in writing. I assume it's a legal document drafted by lawyers so you might be able to get him to create a barrister persona. Demand that the contract be rewritten to allow you access to your funds. Let the funds also pay the lawyer to create the amendment. He will refuse of course but it keeps him in a frenzy. This lad is pretty disorganized as it is so getting him to try to manage multiple characters should be a giant pain in the ass. He seems the type that would write to you as the lawyer but accidentally sign off as Richard. Making him sweat by asking for an explanation can produce some hilarious porky pies Laughing