Game of TWATs, As Far Away as Timbuktu

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Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2016 7:26 pm

"Camel train?" He can buy his own right in front of the hotel tomorrow morning.

Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2016 7:31 pm

^I can see it now. In about a weeks time he will be whining because he had to sell his camel to pay for the next part of the trip.

Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2016 7:53 pm

It looks like the assassins are traveling in a Toyota pickup, and we did tell Prosper that the TWAT Hummer is in the shop having its axle replaced. Maybe our new friend Abdul drives a Toyota pickup and we need to have Prosper looking for that...

In any case, it's time to play "Where Has Prosper Been?" As of right now, Prosper has travelled a bit over 3000 km (or 1850+ miles), which is roughly the distance the Atlanta Falcons would have to fly to play the Arizona Cardinals. But, more importantly that that, he's in Timbuk-freakin'-tu.

Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2016 12:07 am

Awesome.

Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2016 12:52 am

bware419ers wrote:

"Camel train?" He can buy his own right in front of the hotel tomorrow morning.

Ummm, maybe not...

Prosper just sent this rather cryptic email to Anita and Ben:

Quote:

am at the police station at timbuktou...
Pis come there now ,

We're really not sure what's going on right now but we will keep y'all updated as we get more information.

Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2016 12:54 am

So Awesome! Congrats.

Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2016 1:02 am

Oooh er, sure hope he doesn't tell the local Plod he's a Twat Shocked

Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2016 1:51 am

As I recall, Prosper was supposed to meet the driver at the hotel, not the police station.

Prosper needs to follow instructions better.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 15 Jan 2006 Posts: 62

Did I miss something? Why did he take the huge detour to the left on the map, going to Bamako from Ouagadougou instead of going straight to Douentza?

Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2016 3:26 am

It must feel good, knowing you have sent a thoroughly deserving scumbag to the metaphoric ends of the Earth on a wild goose chase. Congratulations!

Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2016 4:54 am

Fredd wrote:

Did I miss something? Why did he take the huge detour to the left on the map, going to Bamako from Ouagadougou instead of going straight to Douentza?

Yes, you should go back a few pages! He was sent to Bamako, but of course he screwed everything up by not wearing the right clothes and what not, and so now he has to fix it by going to Timbuktu...

Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2016 7:19 am

Safaried to Timbucktoo. I love the sound of that. Laughing

Fantastic job!

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

Anyone remember how Pastor Omar was also picked up by the police? Spent a short, but very uncomfortable, time in the local clink. Wonder if young Prosper has followed in his footsteps? Twisted Evil

Not quite a Newb Joined: 06 Apr 2016 Posts: 56

Poor boi was in such a screaming hurry to get to Timbuktu he missed the delights of Bla and Dire..... maybe on the way back !!

Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2016 2:47 pm

Big X wrote:

It must feel good, knowing you have sent a thoroughly deserving scumbag to the metaphoric ends of the Earth on a wild goose chase. Congratulations!

Thanks, X -- it really does feel good. I'd be lying if I said that every member of the TWAT team wasn't quite pleased with themselves right now.

MorganleFay wrote:

Anyone remember how Pastor Omar was also picked up by the police? ... Wonder if young Prosper has followed in his footsteps?

The similarities between Prosper and the real Omar are starting to get kind of weird. Earlier today, Prosper wrote:

Quote:

Father i am still at thé police no one understand me pls come 'i did not have acess To check m'y email pls come now ,thé village poepol teak le there 'pls come now ; ask people where is thé police station here come now

If anyone remembers the Omar bait, once he got stredded in Abeche, some "good samaritan" took him in, give him some water, let him get cleaned up and then -- the next morning -- dropped him off on the front steps of the police station like he was a stray dog. We're still trying to get the whole story from Prosper but it looks as if the same thing may have happened to him.

Well, I suppose a police station is a step up from a car park. At least Prosper's got a roof over his head, right?

Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2016 4:23 pm

Is Timbuktu confirmed?

Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2016 5:33 pm

^No confirmation, but we have no reason to think he is lying. Readnotify said he was likely in Dublin. Well we know that ain't true. We do know that he was last confirmed in Bamako. He said he was headed to Timbuktu, and ceased begging for the appropriate amount of time to travel there. He has mentioned landmarks in Timbuktu and has misspelled all of them. We know how proficient he is in copy and paste so I assume that he actually visited these instead of googling them.

Baiting Guru Joined: 10 Oct 2010 Posts: 3876

^^

that really cries for a biometric confirmation picture.

he has to do a biometric picture in front of a known location in timbuktu. he, his tattoo and this known location. Wink

Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2016 7:27 pm

^We are working on that right now.

Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2016 7:41 pm

Anita has had a couple of panicked emails today from Prosper:

not-so-Prosperous wrote:

Anita come To thé polic now pls, i am there

followed by:

Panicked Lad wrote:

Anita come at timbuktou polic station that la thé place fête i am 'it is only one polic
station that they have pls come now 'i am there when you come ask about
prosper the nigerian boy, Pis i want u To come now

Anita tells our lad not to worry:

Quote:

OMG! I only saw ur message now, I was bizzy with omar earlier on and guess what? He is
actually sooooo nice and fun 2 b around!

R u still at the police station? I don't no where that is. Can u send me a photo, so
I no what 2 look 4? I will go and get omar, and we can start looking 4 u.

Anita 'n Omar are on the case! I'm sure Prosper will be reassured that Omar, his nemesis, will be involved in his "rescue". Will all go to plan, though?

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

Has anyone noticed that the keyboard Prosper is using seems to be set for French type and predictive text? Interesting. Is he using a local device and has genuinely sold his own 'phone?

Can't wait to hear his response to the news that Omar is coming too. I'm sure the thought of this rival taking his place has been instrumental in keeping him moving. Twisted Evil

Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2016 11:45 am

Quote:

thé village poepol teak le there

Been really enjoying reading the great bait. Congrats on getting him to Timbuktu. What a forked, forked lad! Laughing

Baiting Guru Joined: 10 Oct 2010 Posts: 3876

^^^^

not those village people.

these ones: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5zZl-ojL_g

Wink

Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2016 3:49 pm

Wow. So very many panicked emails from a very annoying lad...

Quote:

am at Sahara passion parce of flam at abaradjou.if you want To this number <REDACTED>
Pls i need To come now

Phystme remains unmoved:

Quote:

Did you not under stand Me? I have spent far too long enjoying Myself in Tombouctou and now I needs must return to the business of running Our Church.

Before I left, I made sure that Ben (well, <DOVER> to you) was going to remain there and would serve as your contact on the ground (as it were). I am sure that he will help you with what ever samll issue you are dealing with, so I simply do not under stand why it is you do not contact him.

Congratulations on your entry to Our Church, My friend!

Quote:

Father i am still at thé police no one understand me pas come

Phystme would like to thank Brother Nigel Tufnell for the assist with the following email (emphasis in original):

Quote:

What on Earth are you doing at the police? Did you not under stand Us? You were not suppose to meet Us at the police; you were suppose to meet Us at the hotel.

And did you not under stand Me? How can I come to get you when I am at Our Regional Headquarters in Giza?

This is exactly why it is I left Ben (well, <DOVER> to you) in charge when I left. Have you not contacted him?

These are all clear questions, are they not? So why is Prosper not answering them?

Quote:

I want To thé hôtel and they told me konw one la on thé hotel ,that there was à bobm baster ,

What is thé name of thé hôtel, thé one that you give me they say that there was à bobm baster

I am at jial in thé police pls, you should come for me

And yet another:

Quote:

William ,i am at Sahara passion resort .abaradjiou, at timbuktu they are teaking me To court if no one come for me from now till monday , pls call this number <REDACTED> or give me thé hotel Phone number or any body that work at thé hôtel, pils do this now, i am lost the hôtel address that i people give me they say that there was à bobm baster there that there was no one there

A bobm baster? Well, of course we knew about the bobm baster. Duh.

Quote:

Do you not read the news papers? Of course there was a bobm baster at the old hotel. That was exactly why We left and that was why that very nice young man the Rev Omar found an other hotel for Us. And he very graciously offered to set you up with a suite at the new hotel and he even told Us that he would note till file you of the change of venue.

Now, did I under stand you correctly that you are at jial in the police? My word -- what have you been getting up to since you arrive in Tombouctou?

And, BTW, which of our team members wants to take "bobm baster" as their custom title?

ETA: I think Prosper's knowledge of the bobm baster conclusively proves that he is indeed in Timbuktu. Since we know he did absolutely no research prior to his trip (or he would have learned that they don't speak English in Mali), there is no way he could have learned about the militants' bobm baster at the hotel unless he was actually there.

Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2016 3:57 pm

Dover has received multiple copies of pretty much the same emails as everyone else. I'm here, I'm stuck, please call, please pick me up, blah-blah-blah. The only somewhat informative one was this:

Quote:

Benjamin the hotel address that you people give no one is there when i want To thé hotel, i did not see any one , and thé other house address that Mike give me ,when i want there , thé palace is an open place the flamme de la paix , that was the place i was when police aresst me,
Why have you don this To me ? I have been at thé police sile for the pass four days now and they told me if one come for me today that they will teak me To court monday morinig,

Why not u give me the hotel Phone number
Or thé church pastor number here
I have told anita To give me the hotel Phone number, but till now i have not hear from any one
Rigth now i leave all thins To God hand,thé policé many send me back To m'y country affter the court on monday ,
Thank you and God we justice you

Dover forwarded this email to Phystme and Litoris. Why Phystme? He's in Giza on business and, every time he gets an email, he punts to Dover. What a conundrum!

Quote:

Please take care of Prosper. We certainly don't want an arrest here on our hands. This is absurd.

I am away right now out of the city so I don't have a good handle on what is happening. Anita and Omar should be helping. But I haven't heart from them.

Why are they holding you and sending you to court?

Where have you been sleeping? Did they give you a room? Who is taking you to court and why? It is important you tell me this.

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