When a Lad is on the line; the Lad phone lexicon

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Posted: Sun Aug 30, 2015 6:46 pm

Send the money! Send the money! Send the money! Send the money!
That was what the General of All Generals (GOAG) used to say non-stop to me when talking to him on the phone. I think he was getting upset with me. Smile

Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2015 2:04 am

TheLoneHaranguer wrote:

ok or okay
Used to mark the end of a sentence, much like we would use a period.

It also means "I back down" or "I will comply" after receiving an especially hard slap from a baiter. Usually repeated three times.

You insult me with your questions. I am an honest [banker, reverend, barrister].
= "You're reading me like a book, aren't you?"

Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2015 10:42 am

My brother
This isn't actually Lad jargon but rather a common term of address in West Africa by all accounts. That said, telling a Lad "I'm not your brother" can cause some to go ballistic.

Have you made the payment?
When a Lad asks that just after you've explained that Western Union won't let you, that's priceless!

Do you know who you are talking to?
Most pointless and inane question ever!

Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2015 9:03 pm

Good will punish you
An admission of failure

Thunder fire you!
You've touched a nerve.

You are a big fool
You're not stupid enough.

Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2015 10:50 am

The money is clean and spendable
That's simple enough... what makes it unusual are those times when it's prefaced by

We/They have scanned the box
Apparently there are scanning machines in Africa that can see through the metal of trunk boxes thick enough to need special cutters to open, and determine the denomination of money stored therein, plus its condition.

Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2015 3:46 pm

The envelope has been sealed and cannot be open but by the recipient.
I am too lazy too even try to Photochop a fake check or ATM card to show you.

Posted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 2:12 pm

How is this not simple for you
I am very confused by how you are messing up simple steps; I mean, my other gullible targets at least understood how Western Union worked!

Posted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 11:58 pm

Reverend Father
This shadowy, nameless figure appears in calls and emails. He lurks in refugee camps, giving email addresses (and sometimes phone numbers) of "beneficiaries" to refugees, assuring them that these beneficiaries are god-fearing and good business managers.
He deserves a mythology all his own, like Slenderman.

Send me an email for better understanding
I can't cope with this phone call any longer.

Posted: Sat Sep 05, 2015 7:42 am

I swear I have been on calls that consisted of nothing but the phrases in this thread-especially "Litentome, listentome, listentome, 'allo, 'allo?"

Posted: Sun Sep 06, 2015 1:56 am

The truth is bitter
This is usually uttered when the maga seems to be sceptical.

They are the wrong people!
There's been a dollar chop.

Why won't you believe me?
This has a special irony when the Lad has already been caught out lying.

Posted: Mon Sep 07, 2015 7:33 pm

You are a big mugu. Do not ever talk to me again.
An actual lad said that to me. It most likely means that the lad gives up with trying to explain to you simple things. Then again, I did just tell the lad that I accidentally sent his money to Rev E. from the Baconator project.

The good reverend's name was changed as several lads have visited Eater due to searches "proving he is a scam." - bware419ers

Posted: Thu Sep 10, 2015 10:06 am

Do not let/make me swear on you
This is a threat to place a curse on you. It may be preceded by

I am an African man
However, it's possible for non-Africans to "swear on you" if they've lived in Africa on missionary work long enough.

Posted: Fri Sep 11, 2015 3:34 am

hahaha, I love this. I second the random "hello?" in the middle of the conversation, basically meaning "I dunno what you're saying, but I hope your next words will be an MTCN number..."

Posted: Tue Sep 15, 2015 8:45 am

As far as ok (okay) goes. It's more likely you'll hear ok...ok...ok. They invariably come in threes. Bit like trouble and buses.

I was phone baiting using two characters, one called Leeson Toomey. And one called Ochay Ochayochay. They were interchangeable between victim or westy rep.

I had some quite funny calls where even I was getting confused pulling lads up on who they were referring to. Or saying yes, I'm here. That's me, or I can hear you. Wink

The Sony Ericsson gave up and so did I. I must try and pick up a new moby that records calls and start using these characters again.

Posted: Tue Sep 15, 2015 12:38 pm

I just remembered "daddy, please help me." Or "daddy help me please."

Mostly from orphans or when they had been through their whole play book and nothing had worked for them.

And whatever happened to, "A beg?" Do they even use that plaintive plea in emails anymore?

Posted: Sat Sep 19, 2015 11:45 pm

So what you're telling me/saying to me is...

This can mean different things.

[1] The Lad repeats what you said - the Lad is genuinely confused by your statement.

[2] The Lad repeats what you said - the Lad is buying time to think.

[3] The Lad then says something quite different from what you told him - he's trying to force your hand in some way.

Posted: Sun Sep 20, 2015 10:21 am

"I am a man of God" or "I am a good Christian man"

Translation-send me the money!

Posted: Sun Sep 20, 2015 12:17 pm

"I am not happy here"

"I am surfering here"

"I am trying to find you for # hours"

Translation: everything is going exactly as you planned it

Posted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 10:13 am

Are you telling me how to do my job?

Stop asking questions the Lad can't answer and send the money!

How come your name and number/email address was attached to the box?

That should be enough for you to totally believe the Lad, so send the money!

Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2015 5:32 am

Mr Man

You may be called this if the Lad is not pleased with you.

You talk like a baby

You're asking too many questions

Posted: Thu Oct 08, 2015 5:36 am

"Send me the number by SMS ok?"

I'm too lazy even to talk on the phone.

"I missed your call because I was in Church."

I missed your call because I was in bed, sleeping at 11am.

Posted: Sun Oct 11, 2015 8:21 am

And now for the general rules of Lad phone technique...

Repetition
Key points will be stated multiple times. Examples from one calls include:

It is a consignment box... a consignment box...

Your name and email address was attached to it... attached to it...

It contains twelve million dollars... twelve million... twelve million...

This could be the use of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, or Voodoo charms.

Any others that you've encountered?

Posted: Thu Oct 22, 2015 8:48 pm

Your consignment box/boxes is/are here with me (followed by repeated thumps)

This is a stranded diplomat ploy. It's strange how these consignment boxes sound like they're made of wood.

Speaking of which...

We need to get a diamond cutter to open the box

And I thought diamond cutters are for cutting diamonds. Lad reality takes precedence, however.

Posted: Thu Oct 22, 2015 9:36 pm

Yastreb wrote:

Listen to me

Correct written form is “Listing to me”, according to my lad .

dabop wrote:

fraud stars???l

Fruad stars.

Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2015 4:34 am

I don't understand the confusion here
I don't understand how my money was nearly chopped. Please do it again so it is clearer next time.

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