A Twit for TWAT - Still Lying, Still Lazy; Still a Lad

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Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2016 2:34 am

jose_cuervo wrote:

/\/\/\ Please don't be mad at me, I may have <strike>intentionally</strike> mistakenly overlooked the fare from Bamako to Timbuktu. It is an additional $140 USD. There must be a toll road in there somewhere. Wink

ETA> There are no bus routes listed. Looks like Godwin will need Uber after all. Does he have the app?

It could be worse than that...

Anita: Gud morning my intented!
2:13pm
Godwin: how are you doing my love ?
Anita: I am gud! And u?
Godwin: i am fine
Anita: Yay! So better than yesterday?
Godwin: yes i am feeling better now
Anita: Yay! I can't wait 2 meet u and have u kiss me.
I shouldn't say that. I'm sorry my intented.
Godwin: it is ok love that is a good thing to say to me
Anita: And will u like that?
Godwin: yeah i love that a lot love
Anita: What day do u arrive?
Godwin: I don't know yet love.i am still trying to put some logistics together so that i would be able to make it to the FIRE
Anita: Oh, I hope so! I almost have accidents thinking of it!
Godwin: oh really so sorry to hear that love Shocked

Anita: R u sorry or do u like that?

**************************

Godwin: i will do my best
to raise the money for the trip but if i didn't succeed then i won't come
Tue 8:09pm
Sal: Wow bro. All the study and work for nothing? That's shitty.
9:23am
Sal: Did you get your shit together dude?
Dude? Here we go again without constant updates. WTF?
2:07pm
How many times do I need to beat you in the head dude?
Godwin: i have been very busy since morning trying to raise some cash for my trip dude
Sal: How much you have bro?
Godwin: just only $100 so far
Sal: Chill for a minute dude.
What city do you live in dude and where are you traveling to?
Work with me here dude.
Godwin: i live in owerri city in Nigeria and would be traveling to Tombouctou in Mali
And need to be there on Friday so that i will be able to meet the pickup plane while it is wednesday night already
Sal: I have a fried that's a travel agent. He said Legos is close to you? Is that right?
DUDE? Don't leave me hanging here.
Wake the fuck up dude!
Godwin: yeah Lagos is close to me dude
Sal: Ok. And can you get like $50 more?
Godwin: That won't be easy for me to get cosi have asked everyone that i needed to asked for money for they said that they don't have the money at the moment
Sal: Well fuck. And how much is it going to cost?
Godwin: it is going to cost me like up $700 to get to Mali by flight
Sal: Dude! I got something for you!
My bro just sent it.
Godwin: ok.what is it
ok what is it ?
Sal: <<Jose’s link above>> I hate you =P.
Godwin: That is cool and i have check it out but which transport company is that and where is there address in Lagos
Sal: Let me see if he knows. << Now, I have to Google and it's a pain to find>>
Godwin: ok ask him please cos i need to be there at the FIRE by all means bro
Sal: No shit dude! I might bring a tribute just for you!
Godwin: Lol
ok
Sal: I don't speak French. Do you? Some website had it he said. <<Benin bus companies were not going to work for me>>
Godwin: No,i don't speak French too
Sal: He said contact these people: http://XXXmotors.bosa.ng
Godwin: ok
Sal: Fuck dude. Not even a thank you or a kiss my ass to pass on to him?
Godwin: wanted to check them out first but thank you
Sal: Keep me updated dude. No shit. No fucking around.
Godwin: Ok. Sal. I will do that.
yeah i will
i was checking them out
And i find some bus going to there but i want to call them now and be sure <<Damn right you do. Three buses going to...>>
Sal: Is that good? How does it look?
Godwin: it look good but have to call them first and be sure whether they are traveling to that destination Tomorrow or not cos i don't want to give any chance
Sal: Sweet! I'll let you go then dude. I'll check in later.
Godwin: ok
The bus that are going will be leaving by 8 AM tomorrow morning which i cannot meet from Owerri to Lagos and while on 5Pm on Friday which will be late for me to meet up at the pick up location
Sal: Explain bro.
UPDATE Bro!
9:56pm
And receipts dude. Send them to me. Hell, I will work on bringing some cash to reimburse your sorry ass myself. Don't fuck around with fake receipts either bro. <<He had previously sent some decent fake airplane ticket receipts.

So, the bus company runs three trips a day, it appears:

Quote:

Lagos, Iyana Ipaja Park to Ouagadougou
15 Seater - Toyota - Hiace
15 Available - with - Ac - Meal - Sleeper
05:00 PM

Lagos, Mile 2 Park to Ouagadougou
15 Seater - Toyota - Hiace
15 Available - with - Ac - Meal - Sleeper
06:00 AM

Lagos, Ikorodu Road Park to Ouagadougou
15 Seater - Toyota - Hiace
15 Available - with - Ac - Meal - Sleeper
06:00 AM

None are more than N5400 (around $27USD).

The comfort could depend on the number booked. It is a long trip and he has to get from Owerri to Lagos first.

We would much prefer he flew to Mali, but fortunately, Owerri to Lagos is only a short 333 Miles (536KM) in the bus. Then, there is that $27 trip from Lagos to Ouagadougou. It's a mere 658 Miles (1060 KM). We'll see if he goes. Fingers crossed and wouldn't the Central African Republic have been so closer?

Wait. What? We missed something? His destination is Timbuktu? Oh, that's north by northwest from Ouagadougou. No biggie. Except no buses travel from Ouagadougou to Timbuktu. You first have to travel 560 miles (901 KM) due west to Bamako, Mali. Then, back northeast to Timbuktu, a mere 626 miles (1008 KM). But there shouldn't be any problems, since they speak French in Mali.

Oh. Just re-read that last sentence. Why didn't he choose CAR, again?

Doctor Seviche wrote:

I just realized. If Anita ends up kidnapped by BH (ISIS affiliate) and the TWAT begins analyzing emails, they will realize that Godwin is a member of ISIS and thus a mole.

If he is out of country when that goes down he could very well end up on the Interpol watch list, unable to travel in the open and hunted by agents of the TWAT.

Sounds kind of familiar...

If this goes through, and the two of us have lots of "Ifs" in there, I think the only familiar part will be the lad pain...

Master Baiter Joined: 28 Jan 2009 Posts: 124

Well done! I'm trying to do a TWAT bait, but still no luck, so your post gives me hope again. And it also gives me many laughs, I love the video and your scripts Very Happy

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2016 1:08 pm

/\/\/\ Thank you! A good church bait is hard to pull off since a big part of it is finding the right lad (dim and compliant, as Doc Seviche pointed out). However, once you do, you can get the lad to do almost anything as long as you can couch it under religious/ritualistic purposes.

Good luck with your TWAT -- the church can always use more Initiates!

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2016 1:20 pm

^ So much this. Any religious bait is a license for spectacular wierdness with no justification needed. Some of our very best all time baits have been church baits.

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

^^^ It's a funny thing, isn't it, about church baits? Yet, ''Pastor Omar' was far from dim. Maybe he was the exception which proves the rule?

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2016 2:55 pm

What with Godwin dealing with folks from all around the world, I have been trying to establish that Farouk is based in Egypt. As a part of that, I have tried to set a rhythm for when Farouk receives and responds to emails. Generally, Farouk gets to work around 1:00 am (my time), leaves work around 10:30 am (my time), and goes to bed around 4:30 pm (ditto). The flaw in that theory is that a panicked lad will sometimes send me additional emails before I can respond to the first.

the Twit wrote:

I would be very happy if any help will render to me so that i will make it to the FIRE conference.

It is so bad that, it is how my Country and the system of things are here that if you request for a Loan, it will take them weeks before they will grant it to you and it was the reason why i am complaining that the notice came to me as a surprise.
The only thing is that i have been very busy since morning running up and down looking for where and whom to help me and borrow the money that i need for my trip and was able to come up with some money $45 so far and still not complete for a bus ticket to Mali yet.
I am looking for way to make to the pick up location.

And before I could slap him for his whining, he hit me with:

Clodwin wrote:

Will the TWAT plane be able to wait for me, if i arrival in Tombouctou at the main TWAT pick-up on Saturday been 16th ?
I am want to take a bus to Bamako, Mali Capital and then from Bamako to Tombouctou and will be arriving in
Tombouctou on Saturday.

I don't want to be stangled when i get there and may cannot find any means of communication that is why i want to know all that the information that i would be needing before i will leave to Lagos tonight.

please explain this message for me <redacted -- we set up an emergency hotline for travelers to call if they get in trouble>

i have tried dialing the emergency number but it is not going through

I know you're not supposed to take these things personally but I seriously cannot believe the arrogance of this lad. First, he is asking me to hold a plane full of travelers just because he's running late. And, then, the idiot has started calling our emergency hotline when he hasn't even left his house yet?!?

Tactically, though, the plane situation requires delicacy. If I tell him I will hold the plane for him, it (i) makes him think that I have a lot of pull in the church and (ii) sets a bad precedent since, if I can hold the plane once, I can hold the place twice or thrice or more. However, I also don't want to flat out tell him I'm not going to hold the plane, since we don't want to lose momentum and we really want to get his whiny little ass on the road. So, I needed to weasel between those two extremes:

Quote:

Are you seriously of the asking of me to be holding a plane full of people for an extra day just becuase you were un able to read a calender and were un willing to be of the planing ahead?

Well, becuase I am trying to be of the helping you, that is exactually what I asked of <PHYSTME> and Brother Ware. And do you know what they asked of me? They asked of me if you had yet departed on your Pilgrimage to Tombouctou. When I was forced to be of the telling them that, no, you had not but were planing on leaving soon, they reminded me of a few things.

First they re minded me that you said you would complete your TWAT application soon, and then they asked me how long that had taken. And then they re minded me that you planed to finish your Sacred Gash quickly, and then they asked me how long that had taken. And then they re minded me that you planed to perform your Purification Ritual in a "moment", and then they asked me how long that had taken. And then they asked me if I was willing to be putting my Faith on the line to guaruntee that you would be leaving on your Pilgrimage and I had no comfort in guarunteeing your performance with my Faith.

My friend, I have promised you time and again that, if you but put forth some effort, that I will do what I can to be pulling a rabbit out of my hat but instead of travelling to Tombouctou, you seem happier to just sit around and complainting. If you were of the spending half the time in travelling to Tombouctou that you have been complainting, I am thinking you could have walked half way there by now.

Ones you are on the road to Tombouctou I will be of the having much more leverage to ask a favor of <PHYSTME> and of Brother Ware. But, for now, <PHYSTME> he is not at all happy with me and I think I am ending up on Brother Ware's bad side, which is no where near as nice as the being of on his good side. My knowing that you are drawing near to Tombouctou will have me feeling quite confident that I will be able to be doing some thing that will get the rabbit out of my hat and get you to the FIRE but, for as long as you are sitting in your home and complainting, I am afraid that the rabbit he will be hiding very deeply in the hat.

ETA 04/15/16: "leeted out" some proper names

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2016 3:07 pm

TLH wrote:

the plane situation requires delicacy

And Sal is delicate as always. Overnight and this morning...

Godwin: They are not receipts dude and remember that i have only today to move
if you have to bring some cash ,you have to do it today
what i mean is that there take off time to Bamako today been Thursday is by 8AM this morning
And taking off time on Friday is at 5pm
And i need to leave today
1:37am
Here is the bus ticket that i book
Route: Benin City to Bamako

Date: Fri, 15 Apr 2016

Time: 08:00 AM

Park: Urubi, Benin City

Addy: 25, Urubi Street, Benin, Edo, Benin City, Edo

Bus: Toyota - Hiace - 15 - Seater - Ac, Meal, Sleeper

N56,000 .00 PER SEAT

1 passenger(s)

Seat(s): 2
Total: N56,000
Ticket No: 289
I need to leave tonight to Lagos so that i will at there park in the morning cos from my city to Lagos is 8 hours and N7,500 by bus
Then when i get to Bamako, i will then take another bus from Bamako to Tombouctou TWAT pick up location, which is around 3 hours
6:18am
Sal: Dude, tell that place you want a printed receipt or ticket. Every business will give that. Tell them it's for business and tax purposes! I'm confused, though Bro. You write you have a ticket from Benin City to Bamako, then you slap down that you;re traveling to Legos. Are Benin City and Legos like twin cities next to each other?
7:36am
Godwin: yeah they are very close to each other and i am still in Owerri
I can only get a receipt from them when i get there and pay them
i booked the bus online
i am want to leave tonight if i get eventually get the money for the trip this afternoon
$700 will take me there to the TWAT pick up location
if it means paying you at the FIRE,i will do that cos i don't want to miss the FIRE
This is the only thing keeping me at the moment and need to leave tonight to Benin Lagos so that i will join the bus in the morning to Tombouctou
The transport has park in Benin and Lagos
The bus at Benin city is taking off to Tombouctou by 8AM WHILE the bus at Lagos is taking off at 5PM that is why i want to join the Benin bus so that i wll get to Tombouctou on time
Sal: I'm not liquid right now dude. Cash strapped and have to sell a few investments.
When they give you your receipt or ticket or whatever bro, take a pic of it and send it to me here so I can figure out what to have my broker withdrawal.
Godwin: i asked them for a printed receipt or ticket as you said and they sent me this

Quote:

ONLINE BOOKING RECEIPTS
HEAD OFFICE: 25, URUBI STREET, BENIN CITY
ROUTE: BENIN CITY / LAGOS TO BAMAKO – TOMBOUCTOU
DATE: FRIDAY 15TH APRIL, 2016
TIME: 8:00 AM
DEPARTURE TIME: BENIN CITY TO LAGOS (8:00 AM TO 11:30 AM)
LAGOS TO BAMAKO (12:00 AM TO 4:00 AM)
BAMAKO TO TOMBOUCTOU (4:30 AM TO 7:30 AM)
BUS: TOYOTA HIACE – 15 SEATERS – AC, MEAL, SLEEPER
PRICE: N56,000 PER SEAT PASSENGER (s): 1
TOTAL: N75,000.00 TICKET NO: 289

Sal: Ok dude. But have them give you a printed receipt when you get there and bring it with you. I can have cash waiting on you when you arrive.
Dude. You're fucking with me now. I told you not to do that. Why are you faking up receipts again? You're pissing me off.

He has switched his booking all over the place as he figured out he needs more buses. His seat is booked and pending payment...

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2016 3:08 pm

Brother Farook wrote:

If you were of the spending half the time in travelling to Tombouctou that you have been complainting, I am thinking you could have walked half way there by now.

That's great.

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2016 3:14 pm

75,000 Naira = $376. This is going to hurt him. Very Happy

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2016 3:16 pm

After all of this, I'll bet he forgets to bring the sacred egg. Laughing

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2016 4:16 pm

Um, is "stangled" similar in meaning to "stredded"?

Quote:

I don't want to be stangled when i get there

ETA: Anyone taking odds he has waited through the whole Hold recording?

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2016 5:16 pm

@Padme
It would be great. While he is in Mali Anita is kidnapped by BH, TWAT finds out he is with ISIS. TWAT gets law enforcement involved to shut him down at the borders and AQIM gets involved somehow and begins hunting his ass through Mali...

Tombouctou is a rough city, I can personally attest to that fact. Several years ago my cousins were attacked by AQ while traveling through. One was kidnapped and held for years. He's out now, thankfully, but yeah, TB is Hell.

I really have to wonder why he chose Mali over CAR. Of course, wherever he goes he will end up full of regret, stredded and penniless. That's the FIRE conference way!

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2016 6:39 pm

Thursten3rd wrote:

Um, is "stangled" similar in meaning to "stredded"?

I actually think he's trying to say "strangled" which, given where we're trying to send him, is far more astute than I would have given him credit for.

Doctor Seviche wrote:

I really have to wonder why he chose Mali over CAR.

So do I! Granted, CAR is not a nice place at all but, when you look at how close it is to Nigeria, I really thought he'd want to go there over Mali. But, you know the TWAT philosophy: "The worst hells are those we create for ourselves"

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2205

I'm guessing since he is closer to CAR, he is well-aware of what a shitty place it is. Perhaps he actually does not realize how far into bumf**k nowhere Timbuktu actually is? And is also too stupid to use Google?

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2016 7:10 pm

^^^He's too stupid to get help from a nice guy like Sal. He is logged on to FB, but with the exception of below, has been inactive. The Twit never learns that Sal will help him come up with brilliant ideas.

10:48am
[/color]Sal: Dude! Where are you?
Why aren't you keeping me updated dude!
Godwin: I told you that they are not going to give me any receipt the unless i have pay them there money ok
i was suppose to leave to Benin tonight
so that i will board the 8Am bus to Tombouctou in the morning
Sal: Well dude, I will be giving you money at the FIRE, so send it after you have paid. If you don't pay and go, well then...you know dude. Then shit is fucked bro.
Are you packed? Do you have your Sacred Egg ready?
Picking up my robes from the drycleaners today.
Godwin: i have package and everything is ready dude
Sal: How are you storing your Sacred Egg bro? I had a silk pouch made for mine.
Godwin: i packaged it with a soft box but just want to be honest with you and let you know that i don't have enough money to make this trip to Tombouctou,
if i don't get any money today, i am not coming cos i am not going to fly and get to Tombouctou Confused

Sal: Well this is bullshit bro. Fuck me running.
I thought I had been teaching you how to be a good businessman.
Do I get your permission to fuck the shit out of Anita if you're not there? I've got this other chick I'm bringing for some fun.
Dude! Shit or get off the pot. Don't leave me hanging here bro. Walk me through everything.
You have got to respond dude.
Oh for Fuck's sake.
Godwin: ok dude
i am trying my best to be there but it's seem that the situation of things here is really pissing me off
i am so sad and have always forward to this FIRE
please leave Anita for me, i want her
Sal: You should be pissed on, but stop fucking ignoring me. Let's walk through some shit like real business men, ok?
Man the fuck up and pull the dick out your ass.
How much money do you have?
Is Tomboko or wherever the only pick up point?
Dude, get this shit through your little head. YOU HAVE TO RESPOND.
Dude, if you pull your head out of your ass and use it for something other than a hair holder, you will see I'm here and trying to help. Fuck dude. I have to get shit ready, too.

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2016 8:30 pm

Why doesn't he just rent a car for a day? He can always call and extend his rental period. Twisted Evil

Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2016 4:01 am

We've received some great advice along the way. Thanks to you. The thing is, Godwin has failed, every step of the way, to make any deadline. At some point, that does have to change. Fear not. The conference does last, at least, four days for a reason.

We also have reason to believe he's just pulling this crap so the Church or Sal will pay for it. Typical lad behavior...

Godwin: Yes Tombouctou is the only pick up point
And i have only $100 with me at the moment and don't want to be strangled on the road ok
i was suppose to leave tonight but it is because of no funds is why i am still here
i must confess that it is hurting me so bad watching everything that i have labored for to be in vain because of the short notice that they gave to me

Quote:

Had it been that i had a little time, i would have gotten to that pick up point without boarding anybody

Well, he's full of it. He knew over two weeks ago when the conference would be.

Sal: Well fuck. See, here they gave the option of four pick up points. You didn't get that shit bro? Damn.
Godwin: of course
Sal: Of course what?
Godwin: i did and the only one close to me is Tombouctou ok
Sal: Listen dude, don't be running off and shit again. Let's work this through like some damn businessmen.
What were your other options?
Godwin: ok here are the options Western Africa: Mali
Eastern Africa: Somalia
Central Africa: Central African Republic
Southern Africa: Namibia
Sal: How far is Somalia?
Godwin: it is far from Nigeria
like 48 hours to get there
Sal: Ok. How far is Central Africa?
Let me find a fucking map here.
Godwin: ok
Sal: So how far are Central Africa Republic and Namby?
Godwin: That is very far dude cos it is in central Africa
Sal: Which is?
Godwin: Mali is close because it is in the same western Africa with Nigeria
would have to travel there with flight
Sal: Travel where bro?
Businessmen use specifics dude!
I might as well put your hog in a grinder here. This is excruciating. Work with me bro.
Dude, keep ignoring me and your ass is going to be on your own.
Godwin: To Central Africa Namibia
i am not ignoring you ok
Sal: My map shows Central African Republic and Narnia are two different places.
Godwin: yeah but Namibia is in Central Africa an traveling to those area will require a lot dude
Sal: Fucking Central African Republic is almost next door to you bro.
Godwin: how Shocked

let me check the map and see

The six year-old brain didn't even look before choosing Mali.

Sal: Look at this shit bro: <<Online Map>>
Dude. I need you to do something to bring your ass some good luck.
Godwin: ok.
Sal: Is that place doable bro?
Godwin: yeah i have checked it out
Sal: I didn't fucking ask that bro. Don't fucking deflect. Now answer the question or I'll show you pissed on.
You're fucking killing me smalls.
Godwin: But how do i know there pick up point location
Sal: You don't have a fucking mentor dude?
Godwin: i have written to him and he told me that he taken off soon with his workers
Sal: How many times have I bitched at you about fucking delays? When do you learn your damn lesson? When your ass is kicked out?
Godwin: i am not delaying anymore and want to be at this FIRE so bad and you know that
Sal: No. I don't
Godwin: ok but i want to you to know that i so much want to be there and have given my all to be there
Sal: You need to change your luck. Here's a secret thing for you to do. You remember what that fucking one eye symbolizes?

If you go back to the beginning, you will see Godwin might have been informed this church has connections to an Illuminated group...

Godwin: yes i do
Sal: If you tell anybody I told you this, I'll fucking kill you. Got it?
Godwin: ok got it. i won't tell anyone
Sal: You have fruit or fish in the house?
Like a banana or an apple?
Some of that tuna?
Godwin: yeah i do have a tuna here
Sal: Fucking fruit? A banana?
Godwin: yes, i can get banana now
Sal: This is a secret good luck charm. You know what that is?
Godwin: No, what is it ?
Sal: It brings good luck and fortune to the person that does it. Secret shit from the other group bro. Know what I mean?
Write this on a piece of paper. It's latin shit from the Old World the EYE shit uses: <<Too Secret to Reveal to You Readers>>
Wrap that paper around 1 fish and 1 banana. Wrap it in a box or something dude and bury that shit in your Secret Gash. It should help you sort stuff dude.
Make sense bro?
Godwin: yeah it does and i will do that
Sal: How close to Tomborako can you get bro?
Godwin: if i move tomorrow morning, i can be able to get to Tomborako on Saturday morning by 9Am
Sal: And you have the green for that dude?
Godwin: The green that i have is not enough to take me there
That is why i am still talking, would have been on my way now if i had the complete green
Sal: Are you going to find out about that Central Africa Public thing too dude? Fuckig contact your mentor. Move the ass. I fly out tomorrow. The internet sucks on the jet, though.
How far can your cash take you?
Godwin: it is going to take half way to Benin bro and don't want to be strangled on the way
Sal: And take pics of receipts dude.
Oh fuck that bro. Yesterday we saw it went almost all the way.
Get your good luck charm going and borrow from a family member or sell something bro.
Bro, I'm going to the dry cleaners for my robe and to pick up some gifts at the store. I'll be back in like 4 hours bro. I want a full update waiting here for me and don't give me no pansy ass excuses. Make your luck happen dude.
5:43pm
Godwin: i am trying to get some funds from friends tonight and will start coming tomorrow as soon as i have succeeded in getting the funds for my trip
9:41pm
Sal: See that's how a good businessman plays it bro!

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2205

Quote:

don't want to be strangled on the way

I love this. Very Happy

Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2016 5:21 am

Well, shit, I stand corrected. When the Twit said "strangled/stangled", I really thought he was worried about getting assaulted and left for dead. But now I'm sure he's trying to say "stredded", which is still pretty astute for a guy who didn't even think to look at a freaking map before he planned a trip.

Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2016 11:21 am

What a genius-he didn't even check google maps?

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

Maybe, if TWAT is somehow linked to the eye-thingy-jobby organisation, Godders should be reminded that there are some terrible penalties for not responding to requests and orders with prompt and unquestioning obedience. There are no such things as excuses. Twisted Evil

Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2016 4:36 pm

Phystme entered the scene a couple of days ago, and he was not happy.

Quote:

I have lately been hearing the most ridiculous rumours and I thought it would be best if I reached out to you to permit you to confirm or deny them.

Many Members of My Flock have told Me that you are no longer interested in Our Church and that you have no plans to attend Our upcoming FIRE conference.

Is this true and, if it is, is there a reason why you allowed so many Members of My Staff to spend so much of their valuable time working with you?

Numbnuts wrote:

it is not true that i am no longer interested in joining the most Sacred Church and of course i want to attend the upcoming FIRE conference.

I guess your flock said so because there have a delay from my side toward uploading the remote materials regarding my purification ceremony for the oversight council due to bad network here for days now cause my heavy rainfall (blah blah blah blah blah...) but i have uploaded all the remote materials to my mentor now.

And today:

Quote:

I sincerely hope not, <GODWIN>, because those rumours seem to be persisting.

A day or two ago, Pastor Fuhquad called Me up and asked Me to force one of Our planes to sit on a runway for an extra day or two. When I asked Pastor Fuhquad why, he told Me it was because you had not yet begun your Holy Pilgrimage to the FIRE and you did not care about the untold inconveniences it would cause for those Faithful who had already been successful in the completion of their Pilgrimage.

My Son, I do not think you realize the opportunity that you have been given here. Many people have reached out and tried to gain the Sight and have either failed or been found lacking. You are one of those proud few who have ascended to the top of the pyramid and been granted an Opportunity to look into the Great Eye, and you are turning it down?

On of our holy men once told Me that a journey of one thousand miles begins with one step. Do not disappoint Me.

Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2016 9:01 pm

Some Wise Holy Man said:

Quote:

a journey of one thousand miles begins with one step.

This Bait is a riot and will only get much more better. Great work!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tM0sTNtWDiI

Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2016 2:01 am

Godwin has emailed Anita and TLH's characters. But he knows no contact information for Sal outside of the FB account. No request for email or phone. Nothing. Shocked

He's been pretty silent today.

Anita: My luv! I wanted 2 send u this. I got a new suit 4 the conference! Hope u like it.

11:23am
Do u like it?
12:29pm
K my luv, I must go for our flight in a bit. I've brought extra clothes 2 go home with u!
1:54pm
Godwin: ok

This exchange starts with a message Godwin sent overnight.

Godwin: i am trying to get some funds from friends tonight and will start coming tomorrow as soon as i have succeeded in getting the funds for my trip
9:41pm
Sal: See that's how a good businessman plays it bro!
You buried the good luck charm didn't you? Told you that shit worked dude!
8:09am
What's the word dude?
Heading to the airport dude and I hear nothing from you? That's bush league bro.
10:32am
Dude. Seriously here?
1:15pm
Okay bro. Deal with shit on your own since you have no fucking desire to listen. In the air, so I'm limited bro. Too fucking bad, huh?
Godwin: No, you are not Limited ok. i have been very busy
I have been in Lagos since morning and Couldn't get s bus that is going to Mali this weekend
Have been on the phone for hours now Calling some travel agent to book any available flight to Mali for me
i cannot really forgive myself because of my delay if i miss to be at the FIRE
i pray that i would get a flight and get through bro
Sal: I'm limited in having Network dude. I'm on a plane. Flying. Traveling. Like your ass should be.
I doubt your ass is even in Legos dude.
Godwin: i am in lagos now dude
Sal: I call bullshit bro.
Godwin: it's ok

Around this time, TLH hit him with a readnotifier email. It does show, with 86% probability, he's in Lagos. But, I went back and looked at an email sent 8 April, and it showed he was there then, too. Now, here's where "lads lie" come into play. He's been claiming to be in Owerri. The distance between the two is 416 kilometers (259 miles). That's a lot of traveling in a week, huh?
But, again, he has told Padme today he is still at home in Imo state. Confused

Sal: Why fucking wait until I'm in the air to message me?
Godwin: That was when i got the chance to check my Facebook dude
Sal: You fucking check it from work all the time bro. And at home. I won't tolerate a liar bro.
You're not even in Legos and never even got the money.
Godwin: oh you think that i am lying to you dude
i have gotten the money ok
Sal: And just how did you do that bro? Are you at the Legos airport?
Godwin: i got the money from the Loan company that i told you that said they will me the cash in 3 days
yes, i am around the Lagos airport in Ikeja
Sal: Did you do the good luck ritual bro?
Godwin: yeah, i did yesterday night as soon as you told me that
i must say that it's works
Sal: Well then there you fucking go bro! That shit works again! Remember that.
Wait. How the fuck did you get a loan in the middle of the fucking night?
Godwin: i told that i get the loan this morning
i get the loan this morning and took a local flight to Lagos
Sal: You said you had to
Wait bro. What?

I was floored to realize he might have flown. There are quite a few flights between Owerri and Lagos, including ones that would allow him to arrive there since he last spoke with Sal.

Sal: Bullshit. Show me your receipt and snap a fucking selfie of you at the airport in Legos.
Godwin: receipt of what ?
Sal: Your flight. Your boarding pass bro.
You tried this shit me once before, remember?
Fuck that dude.
Godwin: oh ok
Sal: Oh ok what. Fuck. I hate fucking jokers bro. This has all been some big shit for you to get your rocks off, huh dude?
Godwin: Huh what ? i am trying my best to be there and not joking with you ok
i cannot joke with this
Sal: You're right. You fucking can't. Send the pic then.
Godwin: ok
And if i send you the pic what are you going to do then ?
Sal: Well, I told you I was going to pay for your fucking trip, if you showed me receipts, but now you're being a little bitch. Like I said dude. I think you're just fucking me around here with games.
Godwin: well, i am not playing games with you ok and no need of you paying for my trip anymore cos i have gotten the money now for my trip and what is important to me is to get a flight and be there at the FIRE Shocked

Sal: You're fucking right that's important. Like I said, send your boarding pass or snap a selfie at the airport bro.
Godwin: i am doing that. you know that it is night already
Sal: The airport doesn't have fucking lights?
Here we go again, huh bro? No updates. You're on your own. I can't fucking help those who don't want to be helped. That is not Fucking A bro.
Godwin: i am here
Sal: What's the update dude? Where's your selfie bro?
Godwin: i am taking it now
Sal: Fuck bro. If you were any slower, your ass would be going in reverse. Pilot says we have turbulence coming up.
Going to have to switch off electronics soon dude.
Peace out bro. Good luck with whatever.

That was six hours ago. There are no direct flights from Lagos to his destination. He would still have to fly into Bamako and the flights are limited, long, and expensive. Then he has to bus (almost 24 hours) to Never-Neverland. We'll see what happens. Sal and Anita are going radio silent on him for now.

Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2016 4:16 am

Not much on this front either. Farouk sent out a little poke:

Quote:

I was in deed of the having a safe trip and am now landed and checked in at my suite at the resort and it is most wonder full in deed. There is a very nice swimming pool here with a water slide or two and they the resort staff have even promise us that they will set up a water volley ball net for us to be playing at. To morrow morning, I shall be asking them the staff about deep-see fishing trips that you and I can be going on.

I must be admitting, though, that I was surprise to be receipt of an email from you since you were of the telling me that you would be leaving for Tombouctou to night as well. Or is is that you are travelling now on your Holy Pilgrimage and are emailing me from your mobile telephone with a new SIM card?

Please, my mentee, let me know where you are and how your Pilgrimage it is progressing.

and I just got a very boilerplate response:

Quote:

i will be keeping you updated and would contact or text you through the TWAT emergency line as soon as i get to Tombouctou the pick up location.
I have already started my journey Pilgrimage.

and Phystme got a very similar email as well:

Quote:

I want to let you know that i won't disappoint you. i am doing my best to get to Tombouctou Mali the pick up Location and would contact or text the emergency line.
I would have been there by now but i had a little challenges raising the funds that i need for the trip but i have already started my journey Pilgrimage.
Please bear with me Sir and accept my humble apology for my delay.

So, long story short, we really have no idea where in the hell Godwin is or what he's doing. (And, that's not even in the good "We have no idea where he is. Has he been abducted or jailed?" sense.)

And I should probably also mention that, in order for Godwin to leave a voicemail on the emergency hotline, he first has to sit through a 6+ minute spiel on the activities of the TWAT church.

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