SAFARI Accra-SH Abuja: The Sinking of Bismark

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 5:40 am

Bewildered and stressed, James and his bro Bismark sat outside the petrol station, contemplating how much money they had spent so far. Their flights from Accra and taxis around Abuja were approaching almost $1400 USD.

This job should have gone so smoothly. They would fly to Nigeria, meet the Maga in his hotel, give him the 5g Gold sample, watch the assay, and collect $57 500 USD in cash, ie, 50% of the fee for his 5kg of gold. Then, they would fly back home wealthy Guymen, and the Maga... well, he would never see any gold.

Instead, they could not find his damned hotel. "All the taxi drivers in Abuja know it" he had repeatedly assured them. After 8 hours in the back of a taxi, driving round and round the city, it was clear that nobody knew it. Nobody.

What the 2 Lads did not yet know was that another nasty surprise awaited them. They had been foolish enough to provide Mr Geoffrey with their Flight Booking Reference Number and their real names. Geoffrey had asked his deputy, Mr Babangoh to call the airline and confirm their return flights. Somehow, a terrible misunderstanding had occurred.....

Quote:

"We are just stranded".
"We have no place to lay our head".
"We can't keep roaming, roaming, roaming".
"It was down a rough road. The taxi driver is angry".
"We can't stay there. It is in total bush. There is no light. The place is dark".

ITINERARY:

Monday:
0200 hrs. Lads rise in Accra.
0715 hrs. Lads fly from Accra.
0955 hrs local. Lads land in Abuja.
1100 hrs. After a one hour taxi journey, Lads arrive in Wuye, Abuja.
1100/1900 hrs. Lads ride around Abuja in an airport taxi, frantically searching for the hotel.
1900 hrs. Geoffrey advises that he has booked Lads into a "4 Star hotel" for the night and emails them the address. Lads depart in taxi.
2030 hrs. Taxi driver eventually finds it in a village east of Abuja. The hotel is in fact a fleapit guest house in the bush, down an unmade road. It has no electricity and all areas are pitch black on Lads' arrival. The Lads are afraid to stay there and return to the city in the taxi.
2130 hrs. Lads are back in central Abuja, where they book into a hotel.

Tuesday: Lads refuse to leave their hotel and insist Geoffrey travels to them. A war of attrition ensues.

Wednesday: As above.

Thursday: Bismark gets a flight home. James remains in Abuja, claiming that he hopes some more 'clients' may travel from Kano and Lagos to meet him whilst he is in Nigeria.

UPDATE 22 SEP: I'd guess that James has now returned to Accra. I can't be sure, as I can't be bothered to call him!

THE AUDIO. https://soundcloud.com/opgold/sinking-of-bismark-complete-edit

Quote:

The Players:

Travelling Lads: James and Bismark from Ghana.
Hotels Chain Owner: Mr Geoffrey.
Hotel Deputy Manager: Mr Babangoh.
Hotel Security Guard: Mr Randy.

NB: Many Thanks to Britannicus for tremendous and sustained effort in co-baiting this Safari, and for yet another excellent portrayal of Meester Babangoh, the rogue from Johannesburg.

Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 7:24 am

What you did at the end is priceless!

Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 8:25 am

Man, that phone call really made my day!

Master Baiter Joined: 26 Apr 2015 Posts: 239

Can't wait to get home to listen to the audio. TM you make this look too easy

Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 10:02 am

This is hilarious! I'm glad you did this to lads who could afford airfare!

Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 10:46 am

Great!!

Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 10:55 am

Brilliant as usual TM. And props to Britannicus for the voice acting. Laughing

Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 11:01 am

And now, the song of the bait..

(Tune: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DuCIGvsbMA)

ABUJA

Walked down the mean streets
Leering touts on the corner stones
Lying and waiting
A man on the phone with a quiet voice
So open and trustful
Crying out with a piercing cry
Where is that hotel?

The taxi is gone leaving us behind
Are you coming for me
Are you coming for me
In Abuja

The waiting is painful
Chargeless phones and shrinking funds
Where is that hotel?
An angry night and the dawn light brings
No word from our maga
The promises made to our oga now
Are worth less than nothing

The taxi is gone leaving us behind
Are you coming for me
Are you coming for me
In Abuja

Are you coming for me
Are you coming for me
In Abuja

Elite Baiter Joined: 17 Jun 2015 Posts: 1738

OUTFREAKINSTANDING!!!

LOVE THE INTRO!!!!

clapping

Baiting Guru Joined: 10 Oct 2010 Posts: 3876

great

I particularly love that terrible missunderstanding.

are they still there, sitting around in abuja (which is by the way quite nice this time of the year).

http://www.weather.com/weather/tenday/l/Abuja+Nigeria+NIXX0022:1:NI

Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 12:16 pm

Good to see you back in the game TM, my friend!

Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 12:26 pm

As you know by now, the lads arrived in Abuja on Monday morning around 10am, and they had return tickets to Accra, Ghana for Wednesday evening, which meant that, at minimum, the order of the day was to maintain credibility throughout Monday business hours, so that the two hopefuls could not/would not suddenly capitulate, change their tickets and return a day early after being unable to find SH Hotel. So approx. eight hours had to be filled with credible, meaningful, promising but ultimately fruitless experiences for the lads. This was accomplished through several thought-out and timely communications with them at the appropriate juncture (and when you look at a map of Abuja, especially in relation to the distance between Abuja airport and Abuja central, the term "juncture" may strike you as quite befitting, LOL!).

So after unfortunately negotiating a rather favourable price for the standard airport-to-center taxi ride, James and his manfriend tried to locate SH Hotel for three hours, driving up and down Abuja's sprawling Express Way which wraps around the city centre in a diamond shape. Quite frankly, Babangoh's confidence in their cab driver began to wane when he learned that the cab driver was unable to find SH Hotel; Babangoh had had his suspicions about Abuja taxi drivers and relayed these concerns to James the lad. The last thing he wanted was for two invited guests of SH Hotel to be taken for a ride or from behind. As Mista Geoffrey's deputy, he was charged with getting James and his manfriend checked into SH Hotel expeditiously where they could take advantage of all its traveller-friendly facilities and the male chambermaids.

As it turned out, however, developments were not in the lads' favour. After all those strenuous hours of searching, they elected to stop near some shopping centre and petrol station, and that is when first contact was made in order to give them our full attention and to ensure that Mista James and his manfriend's needs were met ...

So at approx. 13:30 hours they were sitting outside in overcast, somewhat wet but not hash conditions for several more uncomfortable hours, waiting to be picked up by RT, who, however, had to be located first as he was in possession of the only SH Hotel shuttle vehicle and on his relaxation day. He also happens to be in the habit of rarely picking his calls; most of the time ... "his numba is not going!" Still, Mista Geoffrey and Mista Babangoh would do their level best to get the situation resolved.

RT was expected to start his shift at 16:30 hours. After several further reassuring calls, the lads were notified that Randy was on his way to them, ... "coming dere, ... nearly gettin' dere". Unfortunately, the petrol station the lads had named as their current location belongs to a large chain of similar looking fuelling points by the same name, so Randy had great difficulty locating the one they were at! Searching for James and his manfriend most diligently, Randy even called the waiting visitors ... "in other to fine out exactly where they be, but di telephone line keep breaking down".

So at approx. 18:00 hours Mista Geoffrey had had enough and took charge to sort the mess out once and for all! He was running the serious risk of losing face with his valued guests, so he booked them into another, very nice hotel across town, outside of Abuja, so that their misery would finally be at an end. However, their taxi driver said that the trip to that place would take two hours. At this the lads baulked and refused to go! - In line with his accommodating nature, and just before the lads were about to log into a very central hotel of their own choosing, Mista Geoffrey fervently suggested another hotel (outside of Abuja) which was only MARGINALLY closer than the first one they'd rejected. It took all his powers of persuasion, but in the end they did accept this second offer; and so off they went to Karu, ... a distant, forlorn and bleak suburb of Abuja.

It took them at least 90 minutes to get there, and they were reassured and placated along the way through telephonic enquiries as to their well-being. Having only their best interests at heart, Mista Geoffrey had again selected a classy establishment with commensurate room rates for the weary travellers, but ... "Ohhh no!": On arrival it became clear that the hotel chosen was apparently not to their liking - it was in fact off-road, shabby, derelict, and due to the absence of any electricity, clothed in utter darkness. "It is in di bush", urban James complained.

Dancing Banana

TM and I must have looked as happy and surprised as a man who thought a cat had done its business on his pie, but it turned out to be an extra large blackberry! Dancing Banana

They even went inside, looked at the rooms and were most displeased with what they saw. It would appear that at this point additional doubts crept up on them. They immediately decided to return to Abuja central in the taxi they had come in. A courtesy call from Mista Babangoh to ascertain the level of their satisfaction with the room, booked for them by Mista Geoffrey, brought to light their misgivings, and he was told that they were on their way back to Abuja central (another 90 minute trip, the taxi metre now at 8000 Naira!). James and his manfriend appeared to be somewhat downcast and flaccid. Had they been stiffed???

Profuse apologies were extended to them for this most unfortunate mishap. It was then agreed that they would find their own accommodation for the night, so that business could finally be attended to the following day (Tuesday morning). Beforehand, Mista Geoffrey went to great lengths to plan the intended meeting ... in order to facilitate a smooth transaction of the gold deal. Well rested, their battles with adversity having been chalked up to experience and relegated to the past, they would be able to look forward to a bright and profitable new day ...

Surprisingly, however, on Tuesday morning, it emerged that the lads' confidence in Mista Geoffrey had cooled somewhat. To counteract this most unfortunate and entirely unjustified sentiment, an offer was made to meet them at a jewellers inside a massive market with countless stalls and stores. However, they were unwilling to come there; and so Mista Geoffrey and Mista Babangoh waited around at that market in central Abuja, hoping the invited prospective business partners would come to do the assay of the gold sample they'd brought with them; it was high time to close the deal. Inexplicably, though, they refused to come to the market and Mista Geoffrey's pragmatic, business-oriented suggestion was dismissed out of hand. - Still, lines of communication were left open for both sides in case there would be an opportunity to explore alternative options ...

Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 12:41 pm

This is great.

A few prank phone calls to scammers · Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 12:59 pm

I would love to able to hear the conversation when the lads go to get on their flight home!

Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 1:54 pm

Outstanding baiting. What else can I say!

Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 3:38 pm

Great work. I've tried to cancel lads tickets before without success, but this is brilliant.

Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 3:56 pm

When they try to go back, they will be dropped with all forfeit on the ground.

Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 5:13 pm

Brilliant stuff!

Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 5:30 pm

Man, you/ve still got it! bow_down

Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 6:21 pm

This put a huge smile on my face - well done TM & Britannicus!!

LOL_sign

Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 8:30 pm

Satisfy his man friend Laughing

Brilliant as always

Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 9:02 pm

This is gold. clapping

It's amazing how fast that 38 minutes went.

I tried to check what the one way fare back to Accra would be but apparently Arik Air doesn't do one way flights. I think they will be taking the bus back. Laughing

Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 9:39 pm

Another brilliant call from you both Very Happy

Elite Baiter Joined: 17 Jun 2015 Posts: 1738

Is there going to be a follow up call after the lad and his man friend get home?

Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 10:24 pm

Two more Lads Stredded in Hash Conditions. I wonder if they can do dishes?

SAFARI Accra-SH Abuja: The Sinking of Bismark	View next topic View previous topic