Columbo in Togo: KOLOMBO!

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Posted: Thu Nov 24, 2005 4:34 pm

14th November: another day, another scam letter...

Kolombo wrote:

Dear ,

I am Barrister AMOS KOLOMBO, a solicitor at law, personal attorney to Mr.P.B ,a national Of your country,who used to work with Shell Development Company in Lome Togo. Here in after shall be referred to as my client. On the 30th of April 2002, my client, his wife and their only daughter were involved in a car accident along Nouvissi express Road. All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost there lives...

...now there's was a lot of money lying around, did I want it? Of course I bloody did. I replied the same day.

Ivana wrote:

Subject: EGREGIOUS!

Dear Mr Kolombo,

Many thanks for your interesting, erudite, larcenous letter: and may I congratulate you on your egregious English!

One thing puzzles me. The are a noble and ancient family, of which I, old batty deaf woman though I may be, am the last living member. I have never heard of a in Lome Togo, or any country with triangular stamps

Also, can we be sure that there are no other claimants? The family in the car - did someone check that they were all definitely *completely* dead, and not just (for instance) lying very still?

But if you are sure everything is well, I would be happy to help. Write to me IMMEDIATELY to tell me what comes next. Do it. Do it now.

I'm not sure what prompted me to become a Lady: something in Ivana's tone suggested it. Anyway: Kolombo at least noted my new title in his reply on the 17th. I've cut his message to reflect the bits I noticed as I read myself into a stupor: christ, this lad can type...

Kolombo wrote:

Subject: You can comfortably call me on telephone number +228-909-34-70

Dear

Compliments of the day to you over there.

Thank you for your prompt response. I was very delighted that you showed your interest to assistin the claiming of this funds.

...Meanwhile, I would want you to send to me your direct telephone number, home and office addresses immediately....

1..That you will not cheat me when the fund hits your custody...
2..That you will keep this transaction confidential...
3..That you will always consult me before taking any decisions...

Best regards.
AMOS KOLOMBO(Esq)

Phone number? Is he taking the piss? I replied on the 18th...

Ivana wrote:

Dear Mr Kolombo,

Many thanks for your compliments, my dear Amos. Rest assured that they are returned in the very spirit they were offered.

I am afraid you didn't read my last email very carefully, for which I would normally impose a severe corporal chastisement.

In my last email, I explained that I AM DEAF: why insult a DEAF woman by sending her a TELEPHONE number? I am beginning to wonder if you are damaged in some way. I AM DEAF: I CANNOT CALL. We must talk by email.

You also ask me to make three assurances: that I will not cheat you, that I will keep the transaction confidential, and that I will consult you before making decisions. I am happy to make all this assurances on one condition: I refuse to do business with someone who is not known to me.

You must send me a photograph of yourself. To prove that it is REAL and NEW, write my name on a big piece of paper and hold it up to the camera. When I receive that, we may proceed to business, so send it: send it NOW.

Yours etc

I then don't hear anything (that deafness again?) for FIVE DAYS. I am not pleased. Yesterday I write...

Ivana wrote:

Subject: TO YOU AND MRS KOLOMBO

Mr Kolombo,

There's just one thing I don't understand...

Why haven't you sent me your photograph, as I requested in my email of the 18th of November? Are you serious about doing business? I request one simple photograph to prove your identity, and you cannot do it! How can I do business with you if you cann't even supply one photograph! How can you supply millions of dollars if you cannot supply one photograph! I will send you all the information you require, but only once I have a photograph of you holding my name - - on a piece of paper.

Otherwise, how do I know that Mr Kolombo is real? He might be a made up person, with a shabby coat, an fat dog, and an old car, who smokes cigars all the time. Is that Mr Kolombo, or are you? If you are Mr Kolombo, send me a photograph to prove it, and then I will do everything I can to help!

His reply arrived today. Here it is, and for once he seems to have found a remarkably concise style, though his spelling is degenerating. Here it is, in full.

Kolombo wrote:

You are basterd idoit.scumberg like you

And then a rather abrupt halt. So, no trophies yet, but proof positive of... well, an annoyed mugu. I'm claiming a win. Smile

Simon

Posted: Thu Nov 24, 2005 4:50 pm

You should ask him to reply with the correct spelling, and then report him to whichever email service provider he is using. That said, I think it would be worth while telling that man that he shouldn't talk to a deaf old lady like that. Very rude indeed.

The other thing is that while I'm a n00b myself, I get the impression you should build up a bit of a relationship before you ask for a photo. He hasn't even asked for money yet. Either way, I think you upset him.

Posted: Thu Nov 24, 2005 5:09 pm

Happy Camper wrote:

I get the impression you should build up a bit of a relationship before you ask for a photo.

A very sharp comment. I've been baiting for about 10 days, reviewing the course of the various exchanges, I was thinking just this morning that I was far too impatient: so your comment is extremely perceptive and feels strangely precient.

I also can't resist loading even my first reply with very stupid jokes. Even a mugu may wonder a bit about someone who asks if the bodies at an accident have been prodded to see if they sit up. Shocked

It's a kind of baiting Tourrettes syndrome: the silly idea pops into my head, and it's in the email before I can stop it. I'm trying to discipline myself to right a few 'that's very interesting, tell me more' responses that, you know, real people might write.

I'm beginning to wonder if I've really got enough discipline to be a good baiter. I'm hoping I can find a voice which I don't find too dull to write in, but is still effective. Confused

Simon

Posted: Thu Nov 24, 2005 5:19 pm

simoncross wrote:

I also can't resist loading even my first reply with very stupid jokes. Even a mugu may wonder a bit about someone who asks if the bodies at an accident have been prodded to see if they sit up. Shocked

Neither can I. It shouldn't matter though, because mugu's rarely read the bulk of what you right. Check out my penguin thread for instance, the guy was trying to scam a penguin. And I can't resist putting in star trek referances as I am "James Tee Kirk". Mind you, my baits have been going for a similar time, and they haven't replied since yesterday, I'm getting impatient.

simoncross wrote:

I'm beginning to wonder if I've really got enough discipline to be a good baiter. I'm hoping I can find a voice which I don't find too dull to write in, but is still effective.

I wouldn't worry about that. Based on the amount of silly things people have sent to the lads over the three or four weeks that I've been a memeber of this forum, I don't think it should be a problem. Besides, if you upset them, and you get a nice long detailed death threat, then all the better.

Good Luck to you.

Kirk Out.

419Eater is my life Joined: 06 Oct 2005 Posts: 277

You should be aiming for months of pointless communications - the longer they e-mail you the longer they are not going after real victims.

Set up loads of different e-mail accounts and bait the same person under 4 or 5 different people at once.

Learn from your mistakes so you get better at baiting the Lad.

Everytime he drops you start a new bait under a different identity

Bait him time and time again!

Go for a group bait - get 3 or 4 people baiting the same person under 4 or 5 different identities each! He will be responding to 20-25 people at once!

He will think Christmas has come early!!!

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