How young is too young? Finished

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Posted: Mon Mar 07, 2005 8:31 pm

This one (almost) brought tears to my eyes:
_________________
Dear sir,

My name is mrs roseline mensah,and i am living with AIDS .Ever since my husband,Hon.Kofi MENSAH,the former Ghanaian finance minister died of AIDS and I was tested positive of the AIDS virus, the mass media wouldnt just let me and my family be.My children have stopped going to school because they could no longer stand the humilations from fellow students.

The embarassments are getting on my nerves but what can i do? I would have loved to travel out of the country to a place where I will have peace and spend the rest of my life with my children but I couldnt make it for i am weak and severely sick.Moreover,no Embassy would grant me Visa to her country with my hairs withering and boils all over my body.

From all indications, I know that my days are numbered.

In the light of the above, i have contacted you to assist me to

transfer out of Ghana the SUM OF $17.2 MILLION U.S DOLLARS which

my husband deposited as [DIAMOND/GOLD] with a safety company for

the up-keep of my children,and safe-keep it for my children as they

will be coming over to your country in due course to live and school.

YOU WILL INVEST THIS MONEY FOR MY CHILDREN IN COMMERCIAL ESTATE

OR ANY BUSINESS OF YOUR CHOICE YOU DEEM HEALTHY.

For your effort, I am prepared to give you 15% of the total funds.

I am looking forward to hearing from you while thanking you for

your anticipated cooperation in this regard.

Kind Regards,

ROSELINE MENSAH[Mrs].
_____________________________
I am, of course, most sympathetic:

Dear Roseline:

Wow - I am sorry to hear about your physical state. How did you catch
the virus? Was it heavy drug use? Here in the states that is very
common. That and anal sex. Did you let someone visit your backdoor?
If so, should have used a condom. Oh well.

So, you got cash and want me to have it? OK - I am interested. But
15% seems pretty low. Can we do 25% for me, the rest for you?
That seems fair. I don't like to take advantage of the dying, but I have little choice
when such a great opportunity presents itself.

How old are your children? Any daughters that are the age of consent?
Here in the states that age hovers around 18...a few good beers can
drop it to 17 or 16. Do you have a consent-required law there?

Take care and I wish you good health long enough that we can conclude
this and I get my money and your daughters.

Richard
___________________
She still wants to do business with me!

Dear richard,

How are you to day and your family l hope all is well if so glory be to God almighty.l thanks you for your email and l have heard all you said, and interested.

Richard, if you are interested want to hlpe me in this funds plaese have 15% of this money ok.

Now my frist daughter is 12year ago and second daughter is 8year ago.There are two daughters.

Please I will like you to send me your telephone

number, your fax number and bank particulars so that

I can submit it to the bank for them to start

proccessing on how to make the

transfer of the money into your account in your

country.

As soon as you reach them please try and get back to

me.Waiting to hear from you.

Thanks and GOD bless you.

Roseline Mensah.

___________________
OK - down to business.

Rosie-Baby:

I hope you are not suffering too much and haven't died yet. I apologize for the delay in responding, but I had better things to do.

Anyway, that is a shame about the young age of your daughters. If they were only a few years older I could consider "adopting" them. Oh well. Do you have friends with daughters closer to 18 years old?

So, you want my info huh? I like that - get down to business. OK, but still I must insist of receiving more than 15%. How about I get 40% and you get 60%?

Here is some info for you to digest:

I own a medium sized company - about 107 employees (108 if you
include me, 111 if you include the hookers who hang out by the men's room). Now, we need to keep this business proposition completely secret. I don't want anyone to know that I am to receive lots of money (I mean, you'll know but that's OK as you'll die soon anyway). I have 4 ex-wives and they want to get their hands on my money. Screw them I say (and did), my money is my money!

So, let's plan on the transfer of confidential messages - OK?

I live in Virginia, but work in New York. If you want to send me confidential material, please send it to my office: The Desk of Lending and Transaction ( use the name we use so it doesn't look strange: Desk Lt). This will come straight to me.
Desk Lt
3115 140th Street
Flushing, NY
11354 (Note: this may end up with the Desk Lieutenant at Flushing Police Department...oops, did I give the wrong address?)

Fax number: OK, you should send e-mails, but any important documents, please send to my personal fax machine at my house: 202-406-5031. So that my maid doesn't pick it up and read it (she has great tits, but is way too curious) please label it: "Desk Lt. CONFIDENTIAL WEST AFRICA FUNDS INVESTMENT." I do a lot of investments, she will never look at it. (That type of confidential header certainly won't trigger any reaction at that fax...oops, did I accidently give the FBI anti-fraud division fax number?)

Bank accounts: I have 3 accounts. One is an international checking account I use for my business. Its in Hong Kong. The other two are savings accounts.
One in Chicago - the other in London. Please let me know if those
would work.

Looking forward to getting rich. By the way, do you have any photos? If your friends have 18 year old daughters, send photos of those daughters too!

Richard

Posted: Mon Mar 07, 2005 9:31 pm

@Dick: I bet you could get at least $2,000-$3,000 for those kids on eBay. Too bad they're not boys, since many choirs will pay top dollar for castratii.

Posted: Mon Mar 07, 2005 9:45 pm

I considered taking the 8 year old as I hear some scientific research studies will still pay for children that old.

Posted: Tue Mar 08, 2005 3:17 am

Find out if they're housetrained first - nothing worse than adopting kids then realising that they've never learnt how to wax floors or clean bathrooms or even change the oil on your ride Evil or Very Mad

_________________
what causes a recession

Posted: Tue Mar 08, 2005 5:08 am

"I hope you are not suffering too much and haven't died yet. I apologize for the delay in responding, but I had better things to do."

That is such a great response, bravo sir!

Posted: Tue Mar 08, 2005 7:04 am

VERY very good. I like the Desk Lt. angle...ha ha ha ha

The "Lew" will be slightly annoyed...

Posted: Tue Mar 08, 2005 9:22 pm

Rosie responded!
___________________
My Dear Richard,

Thanks for your mail. Actually, we have not met before. I believe GOD brought us together! God works in mysterious ways! No one can question HIM! I have contacted 5 people over this issue to help move my children and the money their father left behind for them, out of this country but they insulted me silly. Thank you for your understanding.

They called me names and branded me a fraudster! For God�s sake, how can someone in her right senses tell people she has this deadly disease called AIDS just to defraud people! That is cruel!!! If people do, it is between them and their GOD.

Son, I have contacted you to help me move my children and this money out of this country because I do not want my husband brothers to know that my husband {their brother} left behind so much money. They have seized all my husband's properties, leaving me and my children with nothing. They want to force me out of my husband's house and send me to my parent�s house. They accuse me of infecting my husband with the AIDS virus, but GOD knows I have never slept with any other man ever since I got married to my husband.

Our custom and tradition here says that if a married woman commits adultery, she will be thrown out of her husband's home and to her parent�s home, and that is how my husband's relatives are trying to treat me. I did not infect my husband with AIDS! GOD IS MY WITNESS!!! in this regards, I have contacted you to put you in front to claim this fund as I do not want them to find out about the fund. If they did, my children will be left with nothing!.

I have a family lawyer who has worked for my family for 11 years. I will tell him about you, and then we can start by preparing the change of ownership of the consignment on your name.

May GOD bless you, my son?

My dear Richard, These are the things that I need from you for now according to my lawyer.

{1} First and last page of your international passport,

{2} your full name, because your phone & fax number have being given,

Those things are very important now� for the lawyer to go and submit them to the finance company, where the funds where deposited, So that they will use it for the change of ownership as the next of Kin. You will stand as my late husband foreign business partner.

Is because in the deposit agreement between my late husband and the company, my late husband signed that beside himself who made the deposit, the fund will not be released to us unless we come to the company with our foreign partner.

Waiting to hearing from you so that we can proceed immediately, the more days pass the more I draw near grave. Calling you my son I hope you will not be offended, because I do not know between me and you who is older than each other, It�s simply because in my church, the position I am as a mother in the church.

N.B

As you have agreed to assist me does not mean that I have trusted you. But there are some necessary documents and agreement that are going to been made. And the lawyer will help us on that. It will abide us together.

Waiting to hearing from you soon.

Best Regards

Roseline Mensah{Mrs}
______________________________________
I am shocked!

Rosie:

My God - I can't believe people would be so cruel as to mock your
disease. Do they not understand the pain you must feel, the shame
about catching the disease through drugs and anal sex, the mess that
the pus and runny stools create and, of course, the fact that you will
soon be buried. My heart goes out to you. You should not have to put
up with such insensitive cretins.

As for trusting me, please have as much faith and trust in me as I
have in you. I am attaching a copy of my passport (sorry for the
condition but as I believe I mentioned, I travel extensively and it,
like you, has seen many miles of abuse). My full name is Richard
Rinckle Stulsampl. I am British born, but reside in New York. Please
have your lawyer contact me ASAP or at his leisure.

In return, I would appreciate receiving a copy of your passport, your
photo and that of your children.

You may call me "son", I do not mind. I will call you Mother (unless
you prefer a different name - Rosie, Rose, Bessie, etc.).

Please hang in there long enough for us to conclude this transaction.
I could use the money.

Richard

Ok - first attempt at mocking up a passport. This really is horrible. We'll see if I get a response. Photo is Lemmy from Motorhead Razz

Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2005 5:29 pm

I thought my piss-poor passport scared her off.

Rosie:

My dear, sweet, terminal, young lady. I have not heard from you.
Please give me a sign that you are still breathing.

I have not heard from your lawyer either. If he or she is that
irresponsible, you should consider hiring a new lawyer.

Your friend

Richard
_______________________
Not even the hat in the passport scared her off Razz

Dear richard,

Thank you for your emailing me yesterday,how are you to day and your family l hope all is well if so thank be to God.

Richard,you are so much caring God bless you for that ok.l went to my church yesterday that is the reason why l did not check my mail.

l went to my lawyers house today and i meet him so he will contact you soon.

Thanks and God bless you

Roseline Mensah

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 6:52 pm

She's alive!
___________
My dearest Son Richard,

How are you today, I am still brething, I thank the almighty God for keeping me uptill this moment.

My Son I have managed to get incontact with our family lawyer and he promised that he must get intouch with you urgently.

Meanwhile, here is the contact of the Security company where my later husband deposited the fund, kindly contact them for more details on how the fund can be released to you.

Please do not fail to introduce your self as Rosline Mensah's foreign business partner.

Here is the company contact

STANDARED CHARTERED TRUST AND FINANCE COMPANY LIMITED

Email: [email protected] or [email protected]

Tel: 00233244668131

Fax : 00233 27 540 259

Dirctor: Prince Solomon Otubo.

My son as soon as you contact the company and get information from the lawyer write me immediately for my follow up.

I hope to read from you soonest.

Remain blessed.

Mrs. Mensah Roseline.

_______________
Hmmmm.....some problem here with the name....

My Dear Rosie:

It is indeed a miracle that you are not decomposing. I feared the
most when I did not hear from you, thinking that a slow painful death
had attacked and ravaged your body. I didn't give it a second
thought.

I will immediately contact the Security company. But first, how
should I spell your name? I don't want the Security company to get
suspicious if I use the wrong name. In your messages (and your
e-mail) you sell it "Roseline" but above you instructed me to
introduce myself as the business partner of "Rosline."

Is that a code name? Is it an alias? Or did you just forget how to
spell your own name? I just need to be sure so that I introduce
myself correctly.

Hang in there. We are almost finished (as are you).

Richard

Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 11:10 pm

She responds:
My dearest Son Richard,

yes my son Richard, roseline mensah is my name please do not wasting time to contact Dirctor: Prince Solomon Otubo.Please do not fail to introduce your self as Rosline Mensah's foreign business partner.
____________

She can't spell.

Roseline:

Please re-read your message. You are spelling your name two ways. I
don't want to use the wrong spelling and have the Director get
suspicious or call the authorities. You have it "Roseline" and also
"Rosline". Please tell me, is it with the "e" in the middle or
without the "e". That is all I need. Got it?

Richard
___________________
My dearest Son Richard,

Thanks for your mail, regarding the name your asked' my name is Roseline Mensah; always use this there will be no suspicion.

You are required to the company, Standard Chartered Trust and Finance Company Limited immediately informing them that you are the Foreign business partner of Mrs. Roseline Mensah as soon as you mention my name they will understand you well.

Please do not fail to ask them the requirements needed to enable you claim the deposit that is under their care.

As soon as you reach the company informs me so that I will be able to follow up issues and you will start making arrangement on how to come to Accra Ghana for the claim of the consignment.

I hope to read from you soonest.

Remain blessed my Son,

Your Mother, Mrs.Roseline Mensah
_________________
Mom is so nice.

My dearest Son Richard,

Thanks for your mail, regarding the name your asked' my name is Roseline Mensah; always use this there will be no suspicion.

You are required to the company, Standard Chartered Trust and Finance Company Limited immediately informing them that you are the Foreign business partner of Mrs. Roseline Mensah as soon as you mention my name they will understand you well.

Please do not fail to ask them the requirements needed to enable you claim the deposit that is under their care.

As soon as you reach the company informs me so that I will be able to follow up issues and you will start making arrangement on how to come to Accra Ghana for the claim of the consignment.

I hope to read from you soonest.

Remain blessed my Son,

Your Mother, Mrs.Roseline Mensah
_____________
Its been awhile, better toss in a song title.

Dear Mother:

OK, your son will take care of this. Now that you have correctly
spelled your name, I know what to tell the security company. I will
contact them right now.I hope you still have faith in me. I will not
fail you in your hour of need. I have done transactions everywhere,
such as London, Hong Kong, Paris and even Bungport. If you can make
it there, you can make it anywhere. So, have faith my dear.

Richard
______________
Now, I hear from the "attorney"
Dear Mr. Stulsampl,

I have the peculiar pleasure of writing you concerning
our mutual friend, Mrs. Roseline Mensah, who will soon
depart this miserable, mindless and succorless world
of ours on account of the insufferable disintegration
of her body, mind and soul by the current greatest
enemy of our time, the odious HIV/AIDS.

Despite her frailty and debility she has, however,
summoned up adequate gaiety and uncanny ability to
request that I contact you in order to facilitate and
properly hone the procedure for moving the monumental
fortune of $17.2m (which regrettably cannot return her
health and former glory) over to you before she kicks
the impending and inevitable bucket.

Please confirm your readiness to embark with me on
this transcendental mission of no mean proportion and
consequence as I subscribe to Shakespeare�s dictum
that there is a time in the tides of men which when
well taken leads to fame and fortune.

I anxiously await your positive response with the
greatest expectations.

Sincerely,

Sitholeh Ansu McSheeta, Esq.
Attorney.
_____________
Loved that name

Dear Mr. Shithole:

Thank you for the letter. I must say, I am impressed by your colorful
and thesaurus-laden text. It is as if you can write a detached,
nearly mocking letter of Rosie's condition, while at the same quoting
the great Bard W.S.

Anyway, I do hereby give you my word that I am ready to embark upon
this great journey with you and Rosie. Please tell me what I need to
do. Please tell me what you need from me. Please tell me the correct
spelling of your name (that in your e-mail or that in your signature
block). Please send me proof of your identity and proof that the
funds exist.

Richard
_________________
I loved this response. The more intelligent 419'er

Dear Mr. Stoolsample,

Many thanks for your mail. I assure you it will serve no useful purpose for us to bicker over the tinges and nuances of the English language because it seems you perhaps innocently misconstrue my text.

I am happy however that I have your word of honour to cooperate on this enterprise.

The funds do indeed exist. It is stored with the security firm below:

STANDARED CHARTERED TRUST AND FINANCE COMPANY LIMITED

Email: [email protected] ,

[email protected]

TEL: +233-244-668-131

FAX: + 233-27-540-259

DIRECTOR: PRINCE SOLOMON OTUBO

Although I will give you evidence of deposit with the security company (Deposit Agreement and Deposit Certificate) there is no better evidence than seeing with your very own eyes and monitoring the process in person. You should however contact the security company director to effect any further confirmations.

The process therefore requires that you visit Ghana to retrieve the deposit and transfer it through a bank here to your chosen destination. Mrs. Mensah will give you a Power of Attorney for this. We need to register the documents in court for due legal recognition in view of the anti-terrorist investigations by the US and UN agencies.

So you will confirm by return how soon you are able to arrive Ghana so we can plan to secure your entry visa asap..

The spellings of my names are interchangeable, though McShita (email address) is the very original version. My father�s name is Shita-Bey and I and my siblings answer McShita.

NB: The great Bard is my life. Some of us believe he is next to Jesus.

I look out for yours by return.

S. A. McShita.

Posted: Tue Mar 15, 2005 12:04 am

How to respond? This could be fun.
__________
Mr. Sitholeh:

From the outset, my apologies. The misspelling of your name was the simple result of the e-mail spelling check. I did not even catch that. In fact, one who has been blessed with a last name that has been the object of many a joke should have been much more cognizant of misspellings of your name.

For your edification, my last name is a conjunction of the Hungarian " stul" meaning "possession" http://member.melbpc.org.au/~tmajlath/form-suffix.html
and the Scottish Gaelic "eisimpleir" which means "the removal". http://www.lincolnu.edu/~focal/backinst/focal301.htm. Lossely translated, it is: to take away a possession, or thievery. Unfortunately, my family was bestowed that name in our distant past due to some unscrupulous ancestors who were grifters involved in shameful crimes (fraud/thievery/419/thefts/con-jobs/etc.).

The most unfortunate aspect is the common misspelling which you appear to have chosen intentionally as retribution for my misspelling of your name. No harm done - as your barb stated in his story about Helen "All's well that ends well".

That is our mutual goal. To make sure that this transaction ends well. As such, I will prepare travel documents and visa. Are the funds in Ghana? If so, I will start to make appropriate travel arrangements. By what date must I arrive? Will I be traveling to Accra? I welcome your suggestions as I have never traveled to your fair country.

Thank you,

Richard

Posted: Thu Mar 17, 2005 10:12 pm

What the f is he saying?

You must also forgive my impetuousness, Mr. Stulsampl. An African adage has it that when withered bones are mentioned in a proverb the wrinkly old lady with gnarled Gagool-like frame (Sir HRH) supposes she is the object of an unpalatable joke.

Both of us are made hairs-end sensitive by our apparently curious appellations. But of course the entire human race is suspended in a miasma of stupendous ignorance and we are so thoroughly soffused with our arrogant but very little knowledge that we pad on scalding embers before we even realize where our lame feet have landed us. I deeply appreciate your enriching my knowledge with the apt historical explanation of your interesting name.

On my path, Sitholeh is a native South African name meaning warrior king. My mother was a S. African heroine of her time from the Kwazulu kingdom. She came to Ghana with Dr. Robert Mugabe (now president of Zimbabwe) in the early sixties when Ghana was the haven of Africa's freedom fighters. In a unique celebration of marital vows, Mugabe married a Ghanaian teacher while her secretary, my mother, married a Ghanaian die-hard liberationist who, single-handedly slaughtered 13 imperialist soldiers at the Battle of Kamanu-Ozuzu before baring his reputedly huge chest to receive over 30 enemy slugs that transported him to historical immortality mathyrdom.

All is fair in love and war; I agree because this apothegm gives a face to the project under consideration as far as my point of reference is concerned. The project will go well, ceteris paribus.

The funds are here in Ghana. And,yes, you will have to travel down here to handle the process. There is no Holy Writ on the date you MUST arrive, although expediency will be most appreciated especially by the suffering Roseline Mensah. So make your travel plans to arrive Accra asap and keep me advised.

As I mentioned in my previous mail the documents (Deposit Agreement, Certificate of Deposit, Power of Attorney and Investment Agreement) need to be registered at the High Court for due legal recognition. Stamp duties and registration fess assessed at $2,100 is payable to the Registry. You will have to provide this as assured by Mrs. Mensah.

If you have any difficulties or anticipate delay with visa process, you inform me and it can be arranged through the security company with little or no stress.

In the meantime I advise you contact the security company to notify them of your proposed arrival.

I expect your response soon.

S. A. McShita, Esq.

______________________________________
My dearest son,

Thanks for your mail and assurance, as soon as you contact the company kindly get back to me to enable me follow up issues.

Remain blessed,

Your Mother, Mrs.Roseline Mensah
[/b]I don't respond
_____________________________
My dearest son,

How are you today, please I want to know if you have contacted the company, i have no time as you know any thing can happen to me, if you have not kindly do so.

when you cantact the company fail not to inform me.

Your Mother, Mrs. Roseline Mensah.
___________________

Posted: Thu Mar 17, 2005 10:17 pm

My Dear Rosie:

I apologize for the delay. I have spent the last few days trying to decipher McShit-head's gibberish-filled e-mail. I think its English. I put it into an on-line translation engine and this is what it came back as:

"Mr. Richard:

You have succeeded in completely wasting the time of at least one, if not more, stupid mugu. They thought that they had outsmarted a poor innocent individual and would wrongfully thieve away that person's hard-earned savings through deceit and fraud. This is a 419 scam as you knew from the very first e-mail when you took advantage of their low IQ and greed. They, like the stupid idiots they are, actually thought you were a real individual instead of a persona created to waste their time. You mocked them with what any 5 year old goat could plainly see was nonsense, yet their absolutely tiny brains were incapable of seeing through your farce.

Good job. That is one mugu that has been disappointed."

Good bye "Rosie" or whatever fake name you gave yourself. Please take comfort in the fact that your stupidity and low ethics can be overcome if you had any moral fiber and some ambition. Until you will wallow in the slime pool that you have created.

Posted: Wed Mar 30, 2005 2:33 pm

Dick Stulsampl wrote:

... the Hungarian " stul" meaning "possession"

It means "together with" and you put it to the end of a noun.

Guest

I would have informed the lawyer that my father was killed in a battle at Kamanu-Ozuzu.

Wink

Guest

Dick Stulsampl wrote:

You have succeeded in completely wasting the time of at least one, if not more, stupid mugu.

OMG, this thread is the funniest thing I read in a long time. Laughing

Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2005 8:32 pm

Ulysses wrote:

Dick Stulsampl wrote:

... the Hungarian " stul" meaning "possession"

It means "together with" and you put it to the end of a noun.

Oh well, it was the best use I could come up after a Google search Laughing

Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 1:26 pm

After all, the most important thing is what does it mean to you, what do you want to express with it.

Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 4:07 am

Dearest Richard,

I want you to understand that a lot of things are happening in this present world in the sense of saying that it will be diffcult to believe your fellow being but only GOD almighty will tell and will also know that what I am saying is the truth.

I will like to inform you that even if you said that you are no longer comming to Accra Ghana any more there will be no problem about that.Now we can still transfer the funds into your account in State,but I will preffer you to come down to Accra Ghana here to see things with your eyes and also to know that what I am telling is not lie.

I would want to use this opportunity to let you know that I dont have any other hope or any person apart from you,even my two daughters are crying after they finished reading the last massege you sent to me.And Regards to my name which you have been compalining about Roseline is my name then if you prefer calling Rose Mensah that will be ok for me so far you are comfortable it I will like too.

This is also to inform you that the teleophone number you gave to me I sent my first daughter rita to call you but she said it was ringind and nobody was picking it,so please send your private personal phone number so I can reach you.Pleas do not live me behind for you are all I have and my children so much trusth in you although they have not seen you but they feel comfortable with you.

Please I will like you to feel confortable and contact the security company and what ever correspondings you are haveing with them alwas get back to me.I want also to tell you that all the documents backing this funds is with with me.I want you to have every benefit of trust in this transaction I am christian who will not like to offend my God or my fellow human being because of eartly things also I want you start preparing for comming to Accra Ghana to see and believe and also to open an account that will bear your name as the owner of this funds.

Waiting to hear from you soon.

Thanks and GOD bless you.

Roselin Mensah.

>

Look Mugu:

You are so stupid, you repeatedly called yourself different names in
your letters and even now signed this letter "Mr." Roseline Mensah.
And, while your invite is tempting, I don't think I'll be wasting my
time or money to come visit you only to be beaten, robbed or worse.
Unlike you, I am not an idiot.

You are immoral. You use the name of the Lord as a tool to defraud,
as a weapon to hurt and as a means to feed your greed. Hopefully the
Lord God will be more forgiving of you than are most of your poor
innocent victims.

Please, stop the charade. You are stupid, you are greedy and you are immoral.

Change your ways now.

"Richard"

After a bit I felt bad, so I sent her a quick note.

My Dear Sweet, Sexy, Juicy and Stupid Roseline:

I have decided to forgive you. I do not know what made me doubt you. Please, find the attched Western Union Scan. Take it, get your money and go on tothe best of what your pathetic life offers you.

Richard

<img src='http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2005-3/969285/wuroseline.JPG' width=703 height=528 >

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