The adventures of Principal Skinner, hitlad extraordinaire

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Posted: Mon May 07, 2018 1:38 pm

I've had this hitlad now for a couple of weeks. He's been great value...two piggies so far and counting! It started off in the following post http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=292456 but I've moved it to this new post because it has grown like topsy. We take up the story on the 29th of April:

I've got Seymour Skinner on the hook. I started out asking him if this was a joke but he pressed on. Now I've asked him to prove he's an assassin:

Quote:

I'm beginning to think you're actually serious. I'll need some proof though that you're an assassin. Look at it from my point of view...you could be any old scammer trying his luck.

He wrote back within the hour, seemingly a bit cheesed off at my question:

Quote:

LOOK HERE YOU BASTARD

LIKE I TOLD YOU BEFORE I DON'T HAVE ANY BUSINESS WITH YOU, ALL AM AFTER, IS TO KILL YOU AND I WILL NOT HESITATE TO DO SO IF YOU DON'T COMPLY IN YOUR NEXT MAIL, LET ME INFORM YOU THE PERSON WHO PAID ME TO KILL YOU
IS ALREADY WAITING TO HEAR YOUR FUNERAL ANNOUNCEMENT. AM CONTACTING YO, BECAUSE OF THE PITY I HAVE FOR YOUR FAMILY, MY BOYS ARE ALREADY AFTER YOU FOR EVERY SHOPPING CENTER YOU VISIT HAS BEING MONITOR BY MY BOYS.

IF YOU THINK OF CONTACTING THE POLICE THEN YOUR LIFE WILL BE TAKING BEFORE THEN, LET ME INFORM YOU ALSO, DID YOU REMEMBER THE GREAT LUCK DO BILL MUSICIAN WHO WAS KILL IN SOUTH AFRICA MY BOYS WAS PAID TO DO THAT JOB
SO YOU JUST TOO SMALL FOR THEM TO HANDLE NO MATTER YOUR SECURITY ONE BULLET YOU ARE GONE.

IF IN YOUR NEXT MAIL YOU DO NOT COMPLY WITH ME I WILL ASK MY BOYS TO GIVE YOU A TRACK, AND SEND YOU TO THEY BURNING FIRE, HELL AWAIT YOU. YOU ARE TO PAID THE SUM OF $8,000, WARNING: DO NOT THINK OF CONTACTING THE POLICE OR EVEN TELLING ANYONE BECAUSE I WILL KNOW.REMEMBER, SOMEONE WHO KNOWS YOU VERY WELL WANT YOU DEAD! I WILL EXTEND IT TO YOUR FAMILY, IN CASE I NOTICE SOMETHING FUNNY.

DO NOT COME OUT ONCE IT IS 7PM UNTIL I MAKE OUT TIME TO SEE YOU AND GIVE YOU THE TAPE OF MY DISCUSSION WITH THE PERSON WHO WANT YOU DEAD THEN YOU CAN USE IT TO TAKE ANY LEGAL ACTION. GOOD LUCK AS I AWAIT YOUR REPLY VIA CONFIRMING THE WALMART, MONEY GRAM OR WESTERN UNION PART PAYMENT

Name: Elizabeth *******
Location springs Ga 31801

Regards,

Seymour Skinner
Professional Hitman
Time for a break.

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with Elizabeth S in Georgia. I suppose I'll have to ask him. Twisted Evil

***********************************************************

1st May

Principal Skinner is getting frustrated. I sent him his $4,000 and two WU "receipts" that, naturally, he couldn't open. He jumped to an amazing conclusion about that though:

Quote:

YOU HAVENT SEND ME THE MTCN, I NEED THE MTCN LOOK INTO THE SLIP YOU WILL FIND THE REFERENCE NUMBER FROM THE WESTERN UNION I NEED IT NOW AND STOP WASTING MY TIME OS SENDING ME VIRUS YOU DON'T DARE ME IF YOU THINK YOU CAN PLAY WITH ME THEN YOU BETTER BE DIGGING YOUR GRAVE BECAUSE IS GONNA BE HOT ON YOUR WHEN I DESCEND ON YOU

I was incredulous!:

Quote:

What are you talking about? VIRUS? I've sent you no virus. I wouldn't know how. I'm a accountant for God's sake! What happened when you opened the attachments? Were you able to open them? WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING AT ME? I did what you asked. You've got the receipts that prove I sent the money and now you're accusing me of sending you a VIRUS? What sort of sick game are you playing here?
I'm going to bed now. I'll resend the attachments tomorrow after I reduce the file size in case they were too big and wouldn't open. I AM NOT PLAYING A JOKE HERE!! I WANT you to get that money so you'll leave me and my family alone. Why would I risk that by playing a joke on you? Wait til tomorrow and I'll sort something out.

Our hero is unmoved:

Quote:

SORT WHAT I NEED THE REFERENCE NUMBER FROM THE WESTERN UNION SLIP YOU HAVE AS YOU SAID YOU SENT IT

I confess and beg:

Quote:

I don't have the reference number. I threw away the receipts after I had them sent to you at the WU shop. (I don't have access to a scanner) I didn't want to be reminded of this episode so I binned them. I need to go back to the WU shop and sort this out. Be patient and you'll get your money. Just leave my family alone. PLEASE!

This one's as thick as mince in the neck of a bottle and just doesn't seem to get it:

Quote:

HUH YOU DON'T DARE ME YOU HAVE TO SEND ME THE REFERENCE NUMBER

He had to wait until this morning for my response:

Quote:

I told you I don't have it because I binned the receipts after they were sent to you. I'm going to the Western Union outlet at lunchtime to sort it out. I'll let you know then. Be patient and you'll get your money. Just please leave my family alone.

I've done my bit:

Quote:

Mr Rambo
I have just come back from the Western Union shop having sent two batches of $2,000 to your man in Virginia. The question and answer was as you noted so there should be no difficulty. Once you have the money I want you to tell me who the treacherous pig was that put a price on my head. I'll be going after him with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch, you can take my word for that. I have attached both WU receipts below.

Unfortunately he couldn't open another couple of .dlls disguised a JPEGs...I wonder why Twisted Evil

Quote:

HEY MAN YOU DON'T JOKE WITH ME I SAID TAKE THE PICTURE OF THE SLIP AND SEND ME OKAY

then:

Quote:

I ASK YOU SHOULD SEND ME THE PAYMENT SLIP I HAVEN'T VIEWED IT YET BECAUSE YOU NEVER SENT ME YES THAT YOU REALLY SENT THE FEE LOOK HERE DON'T JOKE WITH ME
SEND THE TWO WESTERN UNION MTCN THAT SHOWS YOU SENT IT RIGHT AND TAKE THE PICTURE OF THE SLIP WITH YOUR PHONE AND SEND IT TO ME
PROVIDE ME WITH THE MTCN FOR THE WESTERN UNION ALSO WITH THE PICTURE

I get exasperated at this idiot's inability to understand anything:

Quote:

I HAVE sent you the payment slips. The two JPEG attachments labelled Payment Receipt1 and Payment Receipt 2. Here they are again. I have taken them with my camera because I do not have a mobile phone.

The next day, I go to the Western Onion shop to get the "missing" MTCNs...and then..DISASTER!...

Quote:

I was at the Western Union shop at lunchtime and they told me the transfer of your money didn't go through because of a system failure, so the MTCNs from last night would not have worked for you. I didn't have the time to resend the funds so i'm going back there after work to attempt the transfer again.

He's getting fed up with me:

Quote:

You better send what i requested, how do you want me to leave family out of this well for your information your family is in line with this, it will cost you more damages if you try to play with my intelligence, i ask you as soon s as you send the money kindly send me the picture for the western union slip you went and send me virus now for the last time, if you claim you have really send the fee kindly provide me with the follow

Sender's Full Name:
Sender's Address:
Reference Number:
Amount Sent:

It seems our hero is a killer simply because he's a bit skint at the moment:

Quote:

Look man be very careful with this your delay of not sending the money, because am short of cash that's why am doing this work , if you think you want to delay maybe buy time to invite the cops ,No undercover cops here.No risks of getting caught, because we are professional killers....i will mess you up of you dare not send the money today, you have the gods to tell me you going for work thats why you couldn't send the money well am waiting on you today and after that we have no option than to execute the plans you have now put your whole family in a very big danger because of your delay you will feel the hit very soon mark my word

This time I decide to send him a "proper" WU receipt...created using Deniden's excellent FROG utility:

Quote:

Here's your WU Receipt with all the details on it. NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!!

Oops! I forgot to send him the full $4,000 and he still can't get his hands on it:

Quote:

The money you sent still haven't been available for pick up and you only sent me one receipt of $2,000

Excuses excuses:

Quote:

That's because I didn't have time to do two at the same time. My car was illegally parked so I needed to be quick. I can do the other one for you tomorrow. The cash is available next day.

AND I sent it to the wrong mule...BLAST! He's annoyed now:

Quote:

Look Man i have told you not to send the money to the Elizabeth Name And also you have to not that that never my agreement with you we did agree the payment should part payment which is $4,000 why you sending me penny well that's on the other side you have to be sure that go back to the western union and have the name changed to this information and let them give you western union slip and the MTCN should appear on the slip

But the form's been stamped in just the wrong place...shame:

Quote:

i need the mtcn because the MTCN didn't appear

I play dumb:

Quote:

What do you me "it didn't appear"? It's on the top of the bloody form!

He's so upset now:

Quote:

I NEED THE TEN DIGIT NUMBER FOR THE WESTERN UNION AND STOP WASTING MY TIME ON HERE

I play dumb again:

Quote:

I've just noticed what you said about Elizabeth Webster. I remember that's who you said it was supposed to go to. Who ELSE did you want it to go to?

This boi's like a broken record:

Quote:

FIRST OF ALL I NEED THE TEN DIGIT NUMBER FOR THE MONEY

Then I realise his problem (as if):

Quote:

I can't give you the number. The agent in the WU shop has stamped the form right on top of the MTCN so I now see what you mean when you said the MTCN didn't appear. I'll need to get it from them in the morning. I have to say this is not something i would have normally missed but you've got me stressed out of my box and THE ******* STRAIN IS GETTING TO ME!.

He understands, bless 'im:

Quote:

Then Tomorrow Morning You need To Have The Other Balance Send To This Information And Request For The MTCN Written Out For You Clearly Hope You Understood

It looks like there may be some other lad assisting our hero on this. Skinner's last reply has every word capitalised whereas he's never done that before.
As for where we are...it's another failed transfer tonight and I'll be looking for a bank account...and a piggie! Razz

Tuesday

I've been ignoring Seymour all day and the strain is beginning to tell:

Quote:

Hey man this is unbearable what the hell is keeping you not sending me the mtcn and also with the balance it seems you want the hit on you right fail today you cause more of your family life

After a quick tutorial from Eater, I got my fake lad, Zulu Aganga, to chop his dolla after an apparently fortuitous meeting in the WU shop earlier this evening:

Quote:

Mr. Rambo

I’ve finally managed it. As you know I’ve had a lot of problems with Western Union, mainly because I’ve never used one of these places before. But tonight when I went to the WU shop and I expressed dissatisfaction to the agent behind the counter, a man that was already there and doing his own transfer, offered to help me with filling in the form. On the basis that he knew what to do and I really didn’t, I accepted his help. He filled in a form for each of the batches of $2,000 and gave them back to me to hand to the agent. She was happy that all was well and enacted the transfer. She then scanned them and sent them to my email address as attachments and I have in turn attached them here. You should have the money later this evening as there is apparently a “receive money in minutes” option that I didn’t know about but my good samaritan did.
I expect you to tell me now who put a price on my head and to LEAVE ME AND MY FAMILY ALONE!!

Seymour rants at me when he sees the receiver's name isn't what it's supposed to be! Shocked

Quote:

Hey man are you joking with me or what's wrong with you check the name I gave you I did told you to send me to USA not another country are you Insane I will blow off your head if you make any mistake again

I reply, bewildered:

Quote:

What are you on about?? I've sent the ******* money to you!! What more do you want?

He explains:

Quote:

ARE YOU MAD LOOK AT THE NAME YOU SENT THE MONEY I NEVER GAVE YOU SUCH NAME IF YOU TRY MY PATIENCE I KILL YOU

Oops!:

Quote:

****! that bastard's scammed me! Four ******* grand I'm down!! I thought he was doing me a favour and he ******* scammed me! I suppose you'll still want your money? Well I'll tell you this FOR NOTHING!! I will NOT be using Western Union. I want a ******* BANK ACCOUNT and we'll do this PROPERLY this time. I want some comeback if it goes tits up again. I'll have to raid my kid's university fund now to pay you you bastard.
SEND ME BANK ACCOUNT DETAILS YOU BASTARD OR YOU CAN GO **** YOURSELF AND I'LL TAKE MY CHANCES. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS ******* SHIT!!!!! BANK ACCOUNT DO YOU HEAR ME!!!?

I'm really enjoying this lad's pain and I think I can confidently predict there will be something wrong with his account when I get it Twisted Evil

Wednesday

Seymour gave me a bank account without an argument after my hysterical rant and a warning that someone had hacked my email account:

Quote:

you have to change your password of your email now someone has access to your mail address

Bank name Green Dot Bank
Address: P.O Box xxxx Pasadena, Ca xxxxx
Account holder: William xxxxxx
Address NW xxxxxx. Va xxxxx
Account number: xxxxxxxxxx
Routing number: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I asked him what made him think my account had been hacked and the result had me fall off my chair with laughter:

Quote:

LOOK AT THE EMAIL I JUST RECEIVED NOW

Zulu Aganga <[email protected]>
To:[email protected]
May 2 at 7:36 PM
HAHAHA I CHOP YOUR $4000 DOLLAR THAT MAGA ALL MINE NOW ,ALL MINE ZOMBIE FOOL!

ZULU

That's my own fake lad email I sent to Principal Skinner earlier this evening!

I feign shock of course:

Quote:

GOOD GOD!! WHO THE **** IS THAT?? Actually that's the guy I met in the WU shop. I've had another look at the receipts I sent you and that's him! What do I do now?

He demanded my phone number and I said...

Quote:

Not a chance. I'm not having a hitman phone my home. Forget it.

He accepted that and asked me if I had the account details he sent. I said I did and he told me to confirm them back to him. He's paranoid now that he's been dolla chopped!! I told him:

Quote:

Yes. I will go to the bank tomorrow although withdrawing $4000 from my kid's university account at such short notice may be difficult. I think there are restrictions because it's high interest. I'll have to see what they say about it.

I want to buy some time for Padme to shut down the account I've been given. That's piggie No. 26! Very Happy

LATEST!

This lad's hitman persona seems to have slipped. He 's seen his dolla chopped so knows I'm serious about sending money. Now he's trying to sound as if he cares!:

Quote:

You need to be very careful this time so you don't get another information and come back here with another excuses before you reply to my email first check to see who your replying because I believe maybe someone who has access to your email might have seen my conversations and email you with a similar name and email possing as me so I advise you when your sending the money tomorrow kindly get back to Sk I can send you the bank details to send the money

I'm cynical:

Quote:

You're all heart

Seymour is as dense as a London fog and doesn't understand sarcasm:

Quote:

MEANING

He then reverts to type and suggests I make a note of his instructions on a vegetable;

Quote:

you have made the mistake so you have to get back the money tomorrow and have it sent to the account i have given to you write it down on a piece of pepper

Our hero's back on the case:

Quote:

Be sure to send the money today and stop wasting my time

I don't think either of these conditions is about to be met any time soon Wink

1800hrs Thursday

He's terminally paranoid about his money going AWOL again since he was chopped. I got the bank account details twice together with this which he sent twice:

Quote:

Confirm to me once again the account information you have with you to deposit the money

He then followed up with:

Quote:

Copy it again one more time don't come back here with an excuses

He's treating me like an idiot so he gets a slap:

Quote:

Oh don't be stupid! Copying the same stuff over and over again won't change what's there.

He warns me:

Quote:

You better know what's you doing this time because is gonna be hit on your all own family and you at last

So I explain what's happening:

Quote:

I went to the bank after work and they've told me I need to give them 24 hours notice of a withdrawal of that size ($4,000). I told you this might happen so I'll get the money tomorrow.

He is NOT a happy lad:

Quote:

Hey what the hell are you talking about you should've given them the account transfer from your bank and not withdraw , you better be saying the truth because if at all you fail or even make another mistake or come up with an excuse then you better don't be ready for the hit because is gonna be hit on you, I first **** your ass before your dead.
It will be very pity on you to see you family cry and see them die while you can't do anything to stop it.

I educate him and administer another slap:

Quote:

A transfer IS a withdrawal as far as the bank is concerned you halfwit. It's money taken from the account whether it's cash or not. I've given them notice I'm going to do a wire transfer tomorrow so it's all set up. Just calm down...you'll have your $4,000 by this time tomorrow and we''ll hopefully be free of each other.

He's still paranoid I might cock this up:

Quote:

I Still want you to write the information your gonna use send the money to then take the picture and send to me, the one who sent me still waiting to hear you the good news, thou i have told my sender to we still working on you

I'm fed up with him whining like a little girl so I'm going to ignore that.

Friday

I have sent the $4,000 to our hero and provided him with a genuine Swift transfer form that I doctored in Photoshop. The money was drawn from an account in the British Linen Bank, an institution that was acquired by, and subsumed into, the Bank of Scotland in 1969. I'll bet you my next month's salary the lad doesn't notice his "money" has been sent from a bank that hasn't existed in nearly fifty years!

Quote:

Mr Skinner
I have been to the bank and done the transfer of $4,000 to the account details you gave me. I have attached a copy of the Swift transfer form the bank gave me to send to you. They have told me the money should be in the account within 24 hours but that it can take up to three business days in some cases depending on the protocols in force at the receiving bank. So if the money doesn't turn up immediately I want you to understand that I did warn you today that there may be a delay of sorts.
I trust our business is concluded and that I can stop looking over my shoulder?

FutLong Poo

And he seems happy...for the moment at least.

Quote:

UNTIL THE MONEY IS CONFIRMED THATS WHEN YOU WILL HAVE REST OF MIND WITHOUT THAT YOUR LIFE AND YOUR FAMILY IS NOT GUARANTEE FREE FOR NOW WE HAVE TO WAIT TO CONFIRM THE FEE

Interesting that he has forgotten he demanded $8,000 back at the start and I seem to be getting away with only sending him $4,000. What an idiot!

Late Friday

My idiot spotted an error. Actually a genuine one this time Embarassed

Quote:

LOOK YOU HAVE MADE ANOTHER MISTAKE YOU CAN
LOOK INTO THE ACCOUNT IT WAS NOT COMPLETED YOU HAVE TO
INCLUDE THE 4 AT THE LAST NUMBER I DID TOLD YOU TO CONFIRM
TO ME WHAT YOU HAVE WITH YOU KINDLY GO BACK NOW AND RESEND
IT AGAIN

Quote:

I've been back to the bank and re-did the transfer. The copy form is attached

He's not convinced the form is genuine:

Quote:

Why you never signed just like the first form you sent me and there was no date at the down for the form. Am getting doubt of the transfer you said you made and if it happens that the transfer never went through I swear I will **** your ass to death mark my word

Nasty

Another slap is nonetheless generously given to my idiot:

Quote:

THE ORIGINALS ARE THE ONLY ONES THAT ARE SIGNED. COPIES ARE NOT FOR THE REASON THAT IF THEY WERE, THEY COULD BE USED ILLEGALLY BECAUSE THEY WOULD BE FULL DUPLICATES. CHRIST, DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING???

He does go on a bit:

Quote:

Okay have heard you just be free for some time until we confirm the money if maybe your trying to but time get something fishing out then maybe invite the cops not that your family life on the bail
Cause you wil loose all you have labored for then you will know maybe staying alive and live without breath the one good for you

God knows what that means so I ask for a translation:

Quote:

Can I have that in English please?

That prompts another warning that my ass is in imminent danger of being ****** to death!

Quote:

You got time to play around now when my money not confirm you get the hit

I'm getting cheesed off with this idiot's whining and empty threats:

Quote:

You'll get your money, stop panicking. I'm tired of all this bullshit. I want RID of you. Take my word for it, $4,000 is a small price to pay to have you GONE!

The next installment will include a letter from the bank manager that the hapless lad's account has been flagged by the FBI for terrorist money laundering. Cool

***********************************************************

May 5th

After expressing doubt as to my honesty regarding the transfer ( Twisted Evil

), I decide to reassure our hero that all is as it's supposed to be by sending him the doctored Swift transfer form, but this time with signatures and a bank verification stamp:

Quote:

Since you seem to think I'm not being truthful with you regarding the copy transfer form without signatures and dates on it, I decided to go back to the bank this morning to see if there was anything I could do to fix this. The manager there's been a friend of mine for years and he gave me a scanned copy of the original, signed form which has now been processed through the bank. I have attached it here. Hopefully this will convince you I'm not bullshitting you and that you'll stay away from me and my family.

He's still unsure about all this, but not enough to call me a liar:

Quote:

well all the same you have to pray the money hit into the account if not your still into the hit haven't been free until money is being confirmed

Has anybody got this lad on their hook? I've done a few hitlads over the years and they're usually very quick to drop you but this one's hanging on with unusually "baited" breath. I think I'll be able to toy with this idiot for some time. He's great fun largely because he's such a tool whose threats are laughably graphic:

Quote:

I swear I will **** your ass to death mark my word

*************************************************************

On Sunday I got this:

Quote:

No payment confirmed...your really digging your graveyard of your and your entire family

The whole graveyard?? Blimey, that'll take a while. Time well spent I think goading this idiot. Wink

Since I'd already told him what to expect, an intimation he had ignored, I decided the time had come to give him, not a slap, so much as a good kicking:

Quote:

What is the MATTER with you!? I told you it could take up to three BUSINESS days for the payment to appear. On what planet are Saturday and Sunday BUSINESS days? For God's sake have some patience and READ AND PAY ATTENTION to what I write to you. For ****'s sake it's like dealing with a bloody CHILD!

*************************************************************

Monday am

Time to rattle Seymour's cage:

Quote:

Mr Skinner
I would like you to explain yourself please. I have this morning received an email from the bank manager and it is appended below. I want to know WHY you have given me a bank account THAT HAS BEEN FLAGGED BY THE FBI FOR TERRORIST MONEY LAUNDERING!!!
I COULD NOW HAVE THE ******* FBI AT MY DOOR FOR SENDING MONEY TO A TERRORIST!!!
I WANT AN EXPLANATION AND I WANT IT NOW!!!

Dear Mr Poo

I regret to inform you that the transfer you initiated yesterday in the amount of $4,000.00 to William Carter has been denied. The reason for this denial is that the FBI have red-flagged the receiving account for possible terrorist activities. The monies have been returned in full to the originating account held in the name of FutLong Poo with the account number ending in 6317.
I felt it best to notify you of this myself rather than have it be done by our customer service department, given our long years of friendship and your loyalty to this bank.
If there is anything I can do to be of further assistance, please don't hesitate to give me a call.
Please give my best to your wife and family.

Respectfully yours,

Hugh Jampton
Branch Manager
British Linen Bank
77-79 Morrison Street
Leeds
LS1 9PH

-------------------------------------

PRIVACY NOTICE AND LEGAL DISCLAIMER

Privacy: This e-mail and any attachments to it are strictly confidential and may contain privileged information. It is intended solely for the addressee. If you are not the intended recipient, you must not copy, print, distribute, disseminate, disclose or take any action in reliance on it. If you have received this e-mail in error, please notify the sender immediately and delete it from your computer system.

Disclaimer: Any views or opinions contained in this message which do not relate to our business are not authorised by the British Linen Bank. (the "Bank") and are those of the author only, except where the sender specifically states them to be the views of the Bank.
The Bank accepts no liability (including in negligence) for the consequences of any person acting, or refraining from acting, on the information contained in such e-mails.

Monitoring: Under the Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act 2000 the Bank randomly monitors all email sent or received.

Viruses: While this e-mail message and attachments have been checked for the presence of computer viruses, the Bank does not guarantee that either are virus-free and accepts no liability for damage sustained as a result of a virus to the recipient's system or data or that of any third party.

Our hero is not amused:

Quote:

YOU MUST BE VERY STUPID TO SAY THAT DON'T YOU AM AN HIRED KILLER DO YOU THINK AM PLAYING HERE LOOK MAN YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO OKAY I DID TOLD YOU TO SEND THE MONEY USING WESTERN UNION OR MONEY GRAM YOU WENT REQUESTING FOR AN ACCOUNT IF THE ACCOUNT FLAGGED THEN THAT MEANS NO PROBLEM WITH ME YOU NEED TO HAVE THE MONET RESEND AGAIN

USING WESTERN UNION OR HAVE GIVE ME THE CREDIT CARD DETAILS I CAN TAKE MY CASH OF THE THE CARD

Er, NO!

Quote:

Forget it Rambo, the credit card's a non-starter

He goes on....and on. He's becoming increasingly unintelligible!

Quote:

EVEN THE LETTER YOU SEND ME WAS JUST COPIED AND PAST TO ME IF AT ALL YOUR BANK SENT YOU A MESSAGE I SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT CLEAR SO YOU ARE THE ONE WHO JUST SENT ME THE MESSAGE AND NOT YOUR BANK SO LOOK MAN DON'T JOKE WITH ME BECAUSE AS I DID PROMISE YOU FIRST, I WILL GIVE YOU NUMBER EXAMPLE WITH YOU KIDS ONE WILL BE DOWN SOON

I've had it with this cretin. Time to turn the tables on him:

Quote:

The manager emailed me because he's a friend of mine you moron! He wants this off the books because it puts his bank in a VERY difficult position with the regulators and he would lose his job if this got out so yes, it WAS cut and pasted, but for a very good reason.
That account you gave me is dirty and if you think I'm going back to that ******* Western Union shop you're out of your mind. I WANT A CLEAN BANK ACCOUNT TO SEND THAT MONEY TO. BESIDES, WHILE YOU'VE BEEN ******* AROUND I'VE MADE A FEW CONTACTS AT THE BROTHERHOOD WHO WILL, FOR LESS THAN YOU ARE AFTER, TAKE YOUR TEETH OUT ONE AT A TIME WITH A PAIR OF PLIERS AND REDUCE WHAT'S LEFT OF YOU TO MEAT PASTE WITH BASEBALL BATS.
I'd rather not go down that road as I'm a peaceful family man, (and degenerate psychopath in my spare time) but you have pushed me to it with your nonsense, so unless you give me a fresh, clean account, I will push the nuclear button and rain holy hell down on you that will cause you to wish you'd never been born.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

He tries to sound like I've not just scared the shit out of him:

Quote:

hey man it seems you want the hit on you right? are you going to send the money back today on a fresh account or not

I become menacingly reasonable:

Quote:

Give me a clean bank account and I will send the money. Do that for me and we can avoid any unpleasantness.

He rolls over like a dog:

Quote:

You have to send it today and as your at the bank do a video with you feeling the form fro the bank I mean everything your doing at the bank am just still given you more chance to Perfect the transfer and you will have rest of mind moving to work and also free your family from any kind of sudden death rothless forsean attack

Here is the information requested

NAME: MICHAEL ***********
Address: Yuma, AZ *****
Bank Name: ***** Bank
Bank Address: *************************************
Account Number:********
Routing number:**********
Swift Code: *******

All duly reported to Padme for closure. Piggie No. 27 I think.
His demand for a video is dismissed contemptuously:

Quote:

I will do the transfer tonight on my way home from work.
There will be no video. You will trust me or I can bring this unsavoury episode to an early close in way you would not thank me for.

He counters:

Quote:

how ever you want it am equal to the task you act funny your receive it hot no mercy

Yeah right Rolling Eyes

Posted: Mon May 07, 2018 4:23 pm

Now this is some great stuff. The lad's pain is more than just delicious. Is he still with you?

Posted: Mon May 07, 2018 5:22 pm

Yes I've still got him. He's demanded I do a new transfer today, but I don't think I'll bother. He'll have to wait. Now that I'm holding "The Brotherhood" over his head, he's being a little less dictatorial. I'm thinking I may hand over the bait to one of their assassins and fully turn the tables on him. I'm not sure how to make that work though. I have to make him believe I and my men are now watching him. Razz

He's discovered my bank manager's email mentions yesterday (Sunday) so he thinks I'm lying to him Cool

Quote:

Look man don't joke with me because after reading the message you claim to have came from your manager informing you on the account which I gave you was flagged , look man the message came this morning as you claimed but why was it written as you initiated the transfer yesterday which you never sent the money in Sunday so you see your full of lies hey man I give you from now till next 72hrs to have the money put into the account and send copy of the transfer slip even the one you also filled at the bank take the picture all together and send me with the printout from your bank

I explain the discrepancy:

Quote:

Simple you fool. Hugh sent the email on Saturday but I never saw it until today because I've been away with my wife staying with friends. We got back earlier today.

He's back to gory threats:

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You called me a fool right don't worry by the time we don't see the money into that account I sent you then we know in between your and i, who's the biggest idiot more bloodshed in your family if the money not there

Posted: Mon May 07, 2018 5:45 pm

There might be tight security as long as you are out there. Let him provide a copy of his face with his eyes wide open or alternatively an I-Phone iris scan of his right eye Cool

Posted: Mon May 07, 2018 5:52 pm

Good plan. I'll try that tomorrow. In the meantime I've sent him this. The contempt dripping from this should drive him wild! Twisted Evil

Quote:

Pipe down. I'm busy tonight with a dinner party. I'll transfer the money tomorrow if I have the time.

He's not happy:

Quote:

You most be digging your grave then

I'm contemptuous:

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No I'm having a gin & tonic and a cigar if you must know. Now piss off, I'm busy.

He's running out of ways to express himself:

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your really digging your grave if you don't have the money sent well maybe you have decide to have your last super

His spelling is rubbish:

Quote:

Yes, my last super meal before another one tomorrow. It really is superb food in the Great Dining Hall of the Dark Brotherhood. My representatives will be in touch soon Rambo. Prepare.

Posted: Mon May 07, 2018 8:57 pm

I once told a lad that the grocery store was out of A4 pepper. Very Happy

Posted: Tue May 08, 2018 6:30 pm

He makes a query after I threaten our hero with representatives of the Dark Brotherhood in which I am a Grand Malignance:

Quote:

who's is your representative

I'm giving nothing away:

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That's for me to know and you to worry about.

He's back to the business at hand...he's never far from it:

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so meaning your not going to send the money right ? yes or no

I spot the panic:

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Do I detect paranoia and worry? Shoe's on the other foot now isn't it?

He's not the sharpest tool in the box:

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so what you insinuating now

I ignore him and go to bed, happy with my latest administered injection of lad pain.
The following morning I get this unintelligible drivel...

Quote:

24/7 ever ready doing the job i love seeing blood i like to get job every month your case is little for me as i told you am professional your in my list if you don't the money i ask of you to end your deal then be prepare and ready to loose all you have in your live and also waste some innocent blood go with you because of your stubbornness

...together with two images taken from the web. One of what looks like a plastic gun and some bullets and another of a man wearing shades and a scarf that covers his entire face. Terrifying stuff that caused my wife to laugh out loud.
He's got me with his overwhelming threats:

Quote:

Okay Skinner, you win. Those pictures of the gun and hooded man you sent terrified my wife who has ordered me to pay you for the sake of the family. I went to the bank earlier and did the transfer to the new account details you sent a couple of days ago. I’ll now have to speak to the Dark Brotherhood and have them call off the rabid dogs I was about to unleash on you. That’s not a conversation I’m looking forward to having.

You’ll have the $4,000 in a day or two. I asked my bank manager friend, Hugh Jampton to speed things up and he has done as much as he can but unfortunately there’s nothing he can do about the speed your bank processes the transfer once they receive it.

I have attached a copy of the original, signed transfer form for you.

I have sent him another fake swift transfer using his latest banking details (which have gone to Padme for closure) all signed and official like! Laughing

I think the FBI will now get in on the act together with the Dark Brotherhood coming after me since I cancelled the contract hit on Seymour. it's going to play merry hell with the money transfer. Twisted Evil

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