Stolen Valor at it's finest

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Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

Lina, 22:35 & 22:36 27/4/2018 (Please take note Padme, it's me she really loves)

Quote:

lina williams
22:35 (5 hours ago)
to me
My Derling,
How is your weekend, hope splendid?
How are you today, i hope all is well with you?
Thank you for your kindness and your understanding

I am waiting for your mail how do you one to send me the money for my
traveling document?
Total amount to need for you in UK 8,518.00 I LOVE YOU OK
Have a nice day and please reply very soon.

Yours Lovely,
Lina

Quote:

lina williams
22:36 (5 hours ago)
to me
please am waiting to hear a good news from you,God bless you,

Now, what better way to start the weekend than with a bit of Dickens. Enjoy.

Quote:

Lina my darling

France, less favoured on the whole as to matters spiritual than her sister of the shield and trident, rolled with exceeding smoothness down hill, making paper money and spending it. Under the guidance of her Christian pastors, she entertained herself, besides, with such humane achievements as sentencing a youth to have his hands cut off, his tongue torn out with pincers, and his body burned alive, because he had not kneeled down in the rain to do honour to a dirty procession of monks which passed within his view, at a distance of some fifty or sixty yards. It is likely enough that, rooted in the woods of France and Norway, there were growing trees, when that sufferer was put to death, already marked by the Woodman, Fate, to come down and be sawn into boards, to make a certain movable framework with a sack and a knife in it, terrible in history. It is likely enough that in the rough outhouses of some tillers of the heavy lands adjacent to Paris, there were sheltered from the weather that very day, rude carts, bespattered with rustic mire, snuffed about by pigs, and roosted in by poultry, which the Farmer, Death, had already set apart to be his tumbrils of the Revolution. But that Woodman and that Farmer, though they work unceasingly, work silently, and no one heard them as they went about with muffled tread: the rather, forasmuch as to entertain any suspicion that they were awake, was to be atheistical and traitorous.

Love you

Harold

Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2018 10:23 am

^^^ Sure it's only you?

Got this twice in a a minute:

Lina wrote:

My Derling,
How is your weekend, hope splendid?
How are you today, i hope all is well with you?
Thank you for your kindness and your understanding

Darling my mind is worried
Good day to you,I received your mail to me now and i thank you for
your concern to write me.It is obvious that it is God that brought you
into my life so as to use you to wipe tears out of my eyes, I am happy
to have someone like you with clean heart to guide my future living
and also be my trustee and foreign partner to help me invest the money
in your country,I LOVE YOU OK

I want you to assist me to transfer this money
to your account . Immediately after this transfer in your account ,
you will help me to prepare my traveling documents and air ticket to
come over to meet you .

my mind is worried.OK I will make you fee at home at all time Go and
send the money

I want you to looking.forward and send the money to me for the bank as
my foreign partner/trustee

I have map out 5% for vrey of you Good to me and
for expenses you will make before this transfer and 15% for all your good

to used you name as the next of kin ,to the amount in question of the money

my father's bank says that they need 45.000$ US Dollars to activate my
father's bank account before they will be able to operate the account
and move the funds out into your bank account . Can you please send me
Amount the 45.000$ US Dollars to pay the bank?

Wow, now she's confused. I'm confused too. I think she's just copy/pasted everything she has in the hope something happens. Romance? Business partners? Investing? Even I don't know. And to think she started out (for some) as an astronaut.

But of course, part 2 of Beowulf awaits!

I wrote:

To him an heir was afterward born,
a son in his halls, whom heaven sent
to favor the folk, feeling their woe
that erst they had lacked an earl for leader
so long a while; the Lord endowed him,
the Wielder of Wonder, with world’s renown.
Famed was this Beowulf: far flew the boast of him,
son of Scyld, in the Scandian lands.
So becomes it a youth to quit him well
with his father’s friends, by fee and gift,
that to aid him, aged, in after days,
come warriors willing, should war draw nigh,
liegemen loyal: by lauded deeds
shall an earl have honor in every clan.

Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2018 2:09 pm

No surprises from Lina darling:

Quote:

Hello Sweety ,
I appreciate your mail . My dear as i told you in my last mail that i lost my family in the war that broke out in my country . Right now as i am writing this mail to you something in me tells me that the time for me to wear a smile has come . I see you as a guardian , a savior , a friend indeed , a good Samaritan whom God will use to wipe away my tears .
I reside in the church orphanage home in Dakar Senegal , as a result of the civil war that was fought in my country . I did not have any other person that could be able to help me out , the only person i have now is Reverend Father Frank James ( St Gregory Catholic Church ) His office telephone number is ( +221 705082879 ) .
I am so lucky that the reverend in charge of the orphanage home , Reverend Father Frank James gave me the privilege to make use of his office computer and it is with his office computer that i use to read and reply your mails . Here in the orphanage home , i am living in female's hostel . I will be very glad if you can call me on his office telephone number . When you call him tell him that you want to speak with Miss Lina Williams . He will send for me to come to his office and receive your call .
My dear , my late father Dr. Williams Dominic; was a politician and an international businessman . When my father was alive he deposited some amount of money in a leading financial institution , which he used my name as the next of kin , the amount in question is 7.9 Million US Dollars . I have my late father's statement of account and his death certificate . I want you to assist me to transfer this money to your account . Immediately after this transfer in your account , you will help me to prepare my traveling documents and air ticket to come over to eet you .
I am hoping to read your mail that you will always be there for me . That you will never betray me . That you will not take advantage of me and will not deceive me . I promise to love you the best i can .
My dear , i need your information such as :
Your Full Names : ......
Age : ......
Address : ......
Telephone : ......
To forward it to the bank to introduce you to them as my foreign partner/trustee who will stand on my behalf to his money since they refused to transfer the money to my position due to my refugee status. In my next mail i will tell you more about this money and the leading financial institution where the money was deposited . My dear , i have never told any person about the existence of this money and i will like you to keep it secret because i am afraid of loosing the money and/or my life .
I humbly waiting for your mail . Kisses and hugs to you . God bless
you and keep you protected .
Yours in love,
Miss Miss Lina Williams

But in far-off Gorzom, things begin to get downright steamy.

Quote:

The trek to Gorzom was forced upon Grignr when the soldiers of Crin were leashed upon him by a faithless concubine he had wooed. His scandalous activities throughout the Simarian city had unleashed throngs of havoc and uproar among it's refined patricians, leading them to tack a heavy reward over his head.
He had barely managed to escape through the back entrance of the inn he had been guzzling in, as a squad of soldiers tounced upon him. After spilling a spout of blood from the leader of the mercenaries as he dismembered one of the officer's arms, he retreated to his mount to make his way towards Gorzom, rumoured to contain hoards of plunder, and many young wenches for any man who has the backbone to wrest them away.
Arriving after dusk in Gorzom,grignr descended down a dismal alley, reining his horse before a beaten tavern. The redhaired giant strode into the dimly lit hostelry reeking of foul odors, and cheap wine. The air was heavy with chocking fumes spewing from smolderingtorches encased within theden's earthen packed walls. Tables were clustered with groups of drunken thieves, and cutthroats, tossing dice, or making love to willing prostitutes.
Eyeing a slender female crouched alone at a nearby bench, Grignr advanced wishing to wholesomely occupy his time. The flickering torches cast weird shafts of luminescence dancing over the half naked harlot of his choice, her stringy orchid twines of hair swaying gracefully over the lithe opaque nose, as she raised a half drained mug to her pale red lips.
Glancing upward, the alluring complexion noted the stalwart giant as he rapidly approached. A faint glimmer sparked from the pair of deep blue ovals of the amorous female as she motioned toward Grignr, enticing him to join her. The barbarian seated himself upon a stool at the wenches side, exposing his body, naked save for a loin cloth brandishing a long steel broad sword, an iron spiraled battle helmet, and a thick leather sandals, to her unobstructed view.
"Thou hast need to occupy your time, barbarian",questioned the female?
"Only if something worth offering is within my reach." Stated Grignr,as his hands crept to embrace the tempting female, who welcomed them with open willingness.
"From where do you come barbarian, and by what are you called?" Gasped the complying wench, as Grignr smothered her lips with the blazing touch of his flaming mouth.
The engrossed titan ignored the queries of the inquisitive female, pulling her towards him and crushing her sagging nipples to his yearning chest. Without struggle she gave in, winding her soft arms around the harshly bronzedhide of Grignr corded shoulder blades, as his calloused hands caressed her firm protruding busts.
Hugs
Camille White

Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2018 2:24 pm

Lina sent me her Dakar, Senegal script. Unfortunately, I'm more interested in sharing the glories of James Joyce with her:

Quote:

riverrun, past Eve and Adam’s, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle and Environs.

Sir Tristram, violer d’amores, fr’over the short sea, had passen-core rearrived from North Armorica on this side the scraggy isthmus of Europe Minor to wielderfight his penisolate war: nor had topsawyer’s rocks by the stream Oconee exaggerated themselse to Laurens County’s gorgios while they went doublin their mumper all the time: nor avoice from afire bellowsed mishe mishe to tauftauf thuartpeatrick not yet, though venissoon after, had a kidscad buttended a bland old isaac: not yet, though all’s fair in vanessy, were sosie sesthers wroth with twone nathandjoe. Rot a peck of pa’s malt had Jhem or Shen brewed by arclight and rory end to the regginbrow was to be seen ringsome on the aquaface.

The fall (bababadalgharaghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonner-ronntuonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoordenenthur — nuk!) of a once wallstrait oldparr is retaled early in bed and later on life down through all christian minstrelsy. The great fall of the offwall entailed at such short notice the pftjschute of Finnegan, erse solid man, that the humptyhillhead of humself prumptly sends an unquiring one well to the west in quest of his tumptytumtoes: and their upturnpikepointandplace is at the knock out in the park where oranges have been laid to rust upon the green since dev-linsfirst loved livvy.

What clashes here of wills gen wonts, oystrygods gaggin fishy-gods! Brékkek Kékkek Kékkek Kékkek! Kóax Kóax Kóax! Ualu Ualu Ualu! Quaouauh! Where the Baddelaries partisans are still out to mathmaster Malachus Micgranes and the Verdons cata-pelting the camibalistics out of the Whoyteboyce of Hoodie Head. Assiegates and boomeringstroms. Sod’s brood, be me fear! Sanglorians, save! Arms apeal with larms, appalling. Killykill-killy: a toll, a toll. What chance cuddleys, what cashels aired and ventilated! What bidimetoloves sinduced by what tegotetab-solvers! What true feeling for their’s hayair with what strawng voice of false jiccup! O here here how hoth sprowled met the duskt the father of fornicationists but, (O my shining stars and body!) how hath fanespanned most high heaven the skysign of soft advertisement! But was iz? Iseut? Ere were sewers? The oaks of ald now they lie in peat yet elms leap where askes lay. Phall if you but will, rise you must: and none so soon either shall the pharce for the nunce come to a setdown secular phoenish.

I wonder how long this will go on. Finnegans Wake is a very long book.

Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

Lovely Lina sent this 3 times within a minute.

Quote:

lina williams
10:55 (5 hours ago)
to me

My Derling,
How is your weekend, hope splendid?
Thank you for your kindness and your understanding

I am waiting for your mail how do you one to send me the money for my
traveling document?
Total amount to need for you in UK 8,518.00 I LOVE YOU OK

Have a nice day and please reply very soon.

Yours Lovely,
Lina

Mr Dickens kindly cobbled this up for Harold

Quote:

Lina my sweet princess

In England, there was scarcely an amount of order and protection to justify much national boasting. Daring burglaries by armed men, and highway robberies, took place in the capital itself every night; families were publicly cautioned not to go out of town without removing their furniture to upholsterers' warehouses for security; the highwayman in the dark was a City tradesman in the light, and, being recognised and challenged by his fellow- tradesman whom he stopped in his character of "the Captain," gallantly shot him through the head and rode away; the mall was waylaid by seven robbers, and the guard shot three dead, and then got shot dead himself by the other four, "in consequence of the failure of his ammunition:" after which the mall was robbed in peace; that magnificent potentate, the Lord Mayor of London, was made to stand and deliver on Turnham Green, by one highwayman, who despoiled the illustrious creature in sight of all his retinue; prisoners in London gaols fought battles with their turnkeys, and the majesty of the law fired blunderbusses in among them, loaded with rounds of shot and ball; thieves snipped off diamond crosses from the necks of noble lords at Court drawing-rooms; musketeers went into St. Giles's, to search for contraband goods, and the mob fired on the musketeers, and the musketeers fired on the mob, and nobody thought any of these occurrences much out of the common way. In the midst of them, the hangman, ever busy and ever worse than useless, was in constant requisition; now, stringing up long rows of miscellaneous criminals; now, hanging a housebreaker on Saturday who had been taken on Tuesday; now, burning people in the hand at Newgate by the dozen, and now burning pamphlets at the door of Westminster Hall; to-day, taking the life of an atrocious murderer, and to-morrow of a wretched pilferer who had robbed a farmer's boy of sixpence.

Love you

Harold

Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2018 3:51 pm

I wonder if "I love you OK" is laddish for "I love you long time"?

Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2018 12:50 am

Cammy got the "How was the weekend, hope splendid" reply. But wouldn't you know it, in Gorzom, lust turns to dust with dramatic suddenness!

Quote:

Lina my sweaty
"You make love well wench," Admitted Grignr as he reached for the vessel of potent wine his charge had been quaffing.
A flying foot caught the mug Grignr had taken hold of, sending its blood red contents sloshing over a flickering crescent; leashing tongues of bright orange flame to the foot trodden floor.
"Remove yourself Sirrah, the wench belongs to me;" Blabbered a drunken soldier, too far consumed by the influences of his virile brew to take note of the superior size of his adversary.
Grignr lithly bounded from the startled female, his face lit up to an ashen red ferocity, and eyes locked in a searing feral blaze toward the swaying soldier.
"To hell with you, braggard!" Bellowed the angered Ecordian, as he hefted his finely honed broad sword.
The staggering soldier clumsily reached towards the pommel of his dangling sword, but before his hands ever touched the oaken hilt a silvered flash was slicing the heavy air. The thews of the savages lashing right arm bulged from the glistening bronzed hide as his blade bit deeply into the soldiers neck, loping off the confused head of his senseless tormentor.
With a nauseating thud the severed oval toppled to the floor, as the segregated torso of Grignr's bovine antagonist swayed, then collapsed in a pool of swirled crimson.
In the confusion the soldier's fellows confronted Grignr with unsheathed cutlasses, directed toward the latters scowling make-up.
"The slut should have picked his quarry more carefully!" Roared the victor in a mocking baritone growl, as he wiped his dripping blade on the prostrate form, and returned it to its scabbard.
"The fool should have shown more prudence, however you shall rue your actions while rotting in the pits." Stated one of the sprawled soldier's comrades.
Grignr's hand began to remove his blade from its leather housing, but retarded the motion in face of the blades waving before his face. "Dismiss your hand from the hilt, barbarbian, or you shall find a foot of steel sheathed in your gizzard."
Grignr weighed his position observing his plight, where-upon he took the soldier's advice as the only logical choice. To attempt to hack his way from his present predicament could only warrant certain death. He was of no mind to bring upon his own demise if an alternate path presented itself. The will to necessitate his life forced him to yield to the superior force in hopes of a moment of carlessness later upon the part of his captors in which he could effect a more plausible means of escape. "You may steady your arms, I will go without a struggle."
"Your decision is a wise one, yet perhaps you would have been better off had you forced death," the soldier's mouth wrinkled to a sadistic grin of knowing mirth as he prodded his prisoner on with his sword point.
Fond kisses
Cammy

Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

Thursten3rd wrote:

I wonder if "I love you OK" is laddish for "I love you long time"?

I hope so, then perhaps we can all look forward to a happy ending. Wink

Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2018 8:25 am

I got this gibberish from Lina Derling this morning. I think she's on something:

Quote:

ARE DO NOT LOVE YOU Geny YOU ARE NOT baseturf FOR ME NOW OK?

I think I'm being dumped so, heartbroken, I reply:

Quote:

But why? What have I done to you to deserve such a rejection? Please forgive me.

Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2018 8:31 am

Ouch - how dare she accuse you of not being a baseturf!

Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

From the lovely Lina, Sunday 23:45

Quote:

lina williams
23:45 (5 hours ago)
to me
My Derling,
How is your weekend, hope splendid?
How are you today, i hope all is well with you?
Thank you for your kindness and your understanding

Darling my mind is worried
Good day to you,I received your mail to me now and i thank you for
your concern to write me.It is obvious that it is God that brought you
into my life so as to use you to wipe tears out of my eyes, I am happy
to have someone like you with clean heart to guide my future living
and also be my trustee and foreign partner to help me our
in your country,I LOVE YOU OK on Saturday who had been taken on
Tuesday I am waiting for your mail i love you ok

Mr Dickens, who had been standing by quill in hand, wrote.

Quote:

Lina my love

All these things, and a thousand like them, came to pass in and close upon the dear old year one thousand seven hundred and seventy-five. Environed by them, while the Woodman and the Farmer worked unheeded, those two of the large jaws, and those other two of the plain and the fair faces, trod with stir enough, and carried their divine rights with a high hand. Thus did the year one thousand seven hundred and seventy-five conduct their Greatnesses, and myriads of small creatures--the creatures of this chronicle among the rest--along the roads that lay before them.

Love you

Harold

Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2018 6:15 am

The plot thickens!

Got a ginormous email three times in a minute from Lina this morning. Most of the same babbling on, but a few new things.

Quote:

I am happy
to have someone like you with clean heart to guide my future living
and also be my trustee and foreign partner to help me our invest the money

Quote:

Amount the 45.000$ US Dollars to pay the bank? if you send me the
money I william send you the catcat of the bank to transfer the money
to you bank

Quote:

In my next mail i will tell you more about this money and the
leading financial institution where the money was deposited . My dear
, i have never told any person about the existence of this money and i
will like you to keep it secret because i am afraid of loosing the
money and/or my life .

Then it's followed by another part of a script, from a new character - Mr Roland Woods! The scam has now evolved into a next of kin scam and Roland appears to work from the bank. There's no direct email address but at least there's some future in store for the scam/bait.

Quote:

Sir,
I have been directed by the director of Foreign Operation/Wire
Transfer to write you in respect to your mail which we have
received.Actually,we have earlier been told about you by the young
lady Miss Lina Williams, that she wishes you to be her
trustee/representative for the claim of her late father's deposit with
our bank.The late father Dr.Dominic Williams was our late customer
with substantial amount deposited with us. Hence you have been really
appointed as a trustee to represent the next of Kin.How ever before
our bank will transact any business concerning the transfer of the
fund with you, we will like you to send the following documents to our
bank:

1.A power of attorney permitting you to claim and transfer the
fund to your bank account on her behalf.This document must be endorsed
by a Senegalese resident bank.

2.The death certificate of (Her deceased father)confirming the death.

3.A copy of the statement of the account issued to her late father
by our bank.

4. An affidavit of oath from the Senegalese high court.

5. A scanned copy of your Identity / international passport.

6.Letter of probate from the high court of Senegal where Miss
Lina Williams is residing.

Note that the above are compulsory, and are needed to protect our
interest,yours,the next of kin after the claims. These shall also
ensure that a smooth, quick and successful transfer of the fund is
made.We promise to give our customers the best of our services.Should
you have any question(s),please contact our foreign transfer
officer,

Mr.Roland Woods,
on office telephone number;(+221 70 50 828 79 )
Thank you for your cooperation
Mr Roland Woods(TRANSFER/WIRE OF OFFICER)

I've dropped Beowulf for the time being, let's see if we can learn anything else about Mr Woods here.

Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2018 9:11 am

It seems I am forgiven:

Quote:

OK

I AM GO TO forgive YOU OK
How is your weekend, hope splendid?

HOW ARE YOU GO TO SEND ME THE MONEY FOR ME

please am waiting to hear a good news from you,God bless you,

Attach the payment slip.for me OK I will be waiting to hear from you soonest
with the payment slip.
LIAN

The payment slip is still a big thing for our ladette although who LIAN is, is a new mystery. Laughing

Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2018 9:20 am

Lian is the part of Lina that manifests when that payment slip is just a few emails away... Twisted Evil

Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2018 9:28 am

I've decided to relent and send her the payment slip (a 7mb dll file with its extension changed) together with some of Mister Micawber's wisdom about how she should spend her new found wealth:

Quote:

Hi Lina Derling

Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen pounds nineteen shillings and sixpence, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery.
I have attached the payment slip.

FutlongPoo

Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2018 9:49 am

That Roland Woods email is the text that you're supposed to send to the bank. I may write to him and play it straight.

In the meantime, our "hero" is in a bit of a tight spot!

Quote:

Lina Darling Heart!

After an indiscriminate period of marching through slinking alleyways and dim moonlighted streets the procession confronted a massive seraglio. The palace area was surrounded by an iron grating, with a lush garden upon all sides.
The group was admitted through the gilded gateway and Grignr was ledalong a stone pathway bordered by plush vegitation lustfully enhanced by the moon's shimmering rays. Upon reaching the palace the group was granted entrance, and after several minutes of explanation, led through several winding corridors to a richly draped chamber.
Confronting the group was a short stocky man seated upona golden throne. Tapestries of richly draped regal blue silk covered all walls of the chamber, while the steps leading to the throne were plated with sparkling white ivory. The man upon the throne had a naked wench seated at each of his arms, and a trusted advisor seated in back of him. At each cornwr of the chamber a guard stood at attention, with upraised pikes supported in their hands, golden chainmail adorning their torso's and barred helmets emitting scarlet plumes enshrouding their heads. The man rose from his throne to the dias surrounding it. His plush turquois robe dangled loosely from his chuncky frame.
The soldiers surrounding Grignr fell to their knees with heads bowed to the stone masonry of the floor in fearful dignity to their sovereign, leige.
"Explain the purpose of this intrusion upon my chateau!"
"Your sirenity, resplendent in noble grandeur, we have brought this yokel before you (the soldier gestured toward Grignr) for the redress or your all knowing wisdon in judgement regarding his fate."
"Down on your knee, lout, and pay proper homage to your sovereign!" commanded the pudgy noble of Grignr.
"By the surly beard of Mrifk, Grignr kneels to no man!" scowled the massive barbarian.
"You dare to deal this blasphemous act to me! You are indeed brave stranger, yet your valor smacks of foolishness."
"I find you to be the only fool, sitting upon your pompous throne, enhancing the rolling flabs of your belly in the midst of your elaborate luxuryand ..." The soldier standing at Grignr's side smote him heavily in the face with the flat of his sword, cutting short the harsh words and knocking his battered helmet to the masonry with an echo-ing clang.
The paunchy noble's sagging round face flushed suddenly pale, then pastily lit up to a lustrous cherry red radiance. His lips trembled with malicious rage, while emitting a muffled sibilant gibberish. His sagging flabs rolled like a tub of upset jelly, then compressed as he sucked in his gut in an attempt to conceal his softness.
The prince regained his statue, then spoke to the soldiers surrounding Grignr, his face conforming to an ugly expression of sadistic humor.
"Take this uncouth heathen to the vault of misery, and be sure that his agonies are long and drawn out before death can release him."
"As you wish sire, your command shall be heeded immediately," answered the soldier on the right of Grignr as he stared into the barbarians seemingly unaffected face.

A kiss, a fond embrace
Cammy

Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2018 10:08 am

Palmergeddon wrote:

Lian is the part of Lina that manifests when that payment slip is just a few emails away... Twisted Evil

Nice idea for when the non-opening JPEG has done its work!

Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2018 11:18 am

Her banking characters stopped replying to my character after a couple emails, so let's hope they're more responsive with you Palmergeddon.

She's been sending me recycled emails. I'm thinking maybe she's gotten to the end of the script, so there isn't anything to do other than to just actually read Jean Valjean's email or just send random messages that were sent before. Obviously actually reading an email would be too much work for this lad. So Jean is just sending back old replies. If the loop ever breaks I'll post an update. LOL

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

Enjoying all the little literary snippets, guys. LOL

Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2018 2:12 pm

The latest (note: this was all in one message):

Quote:

My Derling,
> How is your weekend, hope splendid?
> How are you today, i hope all is well with you?
> Thank you for your kindness and your understanding
>
> Darling my mind is worried
> Good day to you,I received your mail to me now and i thank you for
> your concern to write me.It is obvious that it is God that brought you
> into my life so as to use you to wipe tears out of my eyes, I am happy
> to have someone like you with clean heart to guide my future living
> and also be my trustee and foreign partner to help me invest the money
> in your country,I LOVE YOU OK
>
> I want you to assist me to transfer this money
> to your account.Immediately after this transfer in your account,
> you will help me to prepare my traveling documents and air ticket to
> come over to meet you.
>
> my mind is worried.OK I will make you fee at home at all time Go and
> send the money
>
> I want you to looking.forward and send the money to me for the bank as
> my foreign partner/trustee
>
> I have map out 5% for vrey of you Good to me and
> for expenses you will make before this transfer and 15% for all your good
>
> my father's bank says that they need 60.000$ US Dollars to activate my
> father's bank account before they will be able to operate the account
> and move the funds out into your bank account . Can you please send me
> Amount the 60.000$ US Dollars to pay the bank? if you send me the
> money I william send you the catcat of the bank to transfer the money
> to you bank
> account to you Country
>
> To forward it to the bank to introduce you to them as my foreign
> partner/trustee who will stand on my behalf to his money since they
> refused to transfer the money to my position due to my refugee status
> . In my next mail i will tell you more about this money and the
> leading financial institution where the money was deposited . My dear
> , i have never told any person about the existence of this money and i
> will like you to keep it secret because i am afraid of loosing the
> money and/or my life .
>
>
> i need your information such as :
>
> Your Full Names : ......
> Age : ......
> Address : ......
> Telephone : ......
>
> Sir,
> I have been directed by the director of Foreign Operation/Wire
> Transfer to write you in respect to your mail which we have
> received.Actually,we have earlier been told about you by the young
> lady Miss Lina Williams, that she wishes you to be her
> trustee/representative for the claim of her late father's deposit with
> our bank.The late father Dr.Dominic Williams was our late customer
> with substantial amount deposited with us. Hence you have been really
> appointed as a trustee to represent the next of Kin.How ever before
> our bank will transact any business concerning the transfer of the
> fund with you, we will like you to send the following documents to our
> bank:
>
> 1.A power of attorney permitting you to claim and transfer the
> fund to your bank account on her behalf.This document must be endorsed
> by a Senegalese resident bank.
>
> 2.The death certificate of (Her deceased father)confirming the death.
>
> 3.A copy of the statement of the account issued to her late father
> by our bank.
>
> 4. An affidavit of oath from the Senegalese high court.
>
> 5. A scanned copy of your Identity / international passport.
>
> 6.Letter of probate from the high court of Senegal where Miss
> Lina Williams is residing.
>
> Note that the above are compulsory, and are needed to protect our
> interest,yours,the next of kin after the claims. These shall also
> ensure that a smooth, quick and successful transfer of the fund is
> made.We promise to give our customers the best of our services.Should
> you have any question(s),please contact our foreign transfer
> officer,
>
> Mr.Roland Woods,
> on office telephone number;(+221 70 50 828 79 )
> Thank you for your cooperation
> Mr Roland Woods(TRANSFER/WIRE OF OFFICER)
>
> please am waiting to hear a good news from you,God bless you,
>
> Attach the payment slip.I will be waiting to hear from you soonest
> with the payment slip.
> LIAN

And my well thought-out response:

Quote:

Shize? I should shee! Macool, Macool, orra whyi deed ye diie? of a trying thirstay mournin? Sobs they sighdid at Fillagain’s chrissormiss wake, all the hoolivans of the nation, prostrated in their consternation and their duodisimally profusive plethora of ululation. There was plumbs and grumes and cheriffs and citherers and raiders and cinemen too. And the all gianed in with the shout-most shoviality. Agog and magog and the round of them agrog. To the continuation of that celebration until Hanandhunigan’s extermination! Some in kinkin corass, more, kankan keening. Belling him up and filling him down. He’s stiff but he’s steady is Priam Olim! ’Twas he was the dacent gaylabouring youth. Sharpen his pillowscone, tap up his bier! E’erawhere in this whorl would ye hear sich a din again? With their deepbrow fundigs and the dusty fidelios. They laid him brawdawn alanglast bed. With a bockalips of finisky fore his feet. And a barrowload of guenesis hoer his head. Tee the tootal of the fluid hang the twoddle of the fuddled, O!

At some point, I'm going to retitle the email chain "I LOVE YOU DEARLY" and see what happens.

Elite Baiter Joined: 30 Apr 2017 Posts: 1055

Lovely Lina (twice 23:49 & 23:50 yesterday)

Quote:

lina williams
23:49 (4 hours ago)
to me
My Derling,

How are you today, i hope all is well with you?
Darling my mind is worried

I am waiting for our suggest mail so to pinterest
our traveling document.i will always make you happy at all time.This is
the total amonut i need to arrange myself and meet you in UK
Darling my mind is worried I one to confirm that you send the Money for me
Total amount to need for you in UK 8,518.00 I LOVE YOU OK

please am waiting to hear a good news from you,God bless you,
LINA

Lina sure does love a bit of Dickens first thing in the morning.

Quote:

Lina my little sack of excrement

It was the Dover road that lay, on a Friday night late in November, before the first of the persons with whom this history has business. The Dover road lay, as to him, beyond the Dover mail, as it lumbered up Shooter's Hill. He walked up hill in the mire by the side of the mail, as the rest of the passengers did; not because they had the least relish for walking exercise, under the circumstances, but because the hill, and the harness, and the mud, and the mail, were all so heavy, that the horses had three times already come to a stop, besides once drawing the coach across the road, with the mutinous intent of taking it back to Blackheath. Reins and whip and coachman and guard, however, in combination, had read that article of war which forbade a purpose otherwise strongly in favour of the argument, that some brute animals are endued with Reason; and the team had capitulated and returned to their duty.

Love you

Harold

Posted: Tue May 01, 2018 7:27 am

An answer!

Quote:

Mr Roland Woods(TRANSFER/WIRE OF OFFICER)
IS THE transfer messenger is one of the messenger willi transfr the
money to you
bank.Account in you country to you pinterest on 72 bank our OK MY LOVE
GO AND SEND ME THE MONEY I AM WAITING FOR YOU OK

Posted: Tue May 01, 2018 9:35 am

Some familiar features in today's email from Lina - oops, Lina:

Quote:

My Derling,
How are you today, i hope all is well with you?
Thank you for your kindness and your understanding
I want you to assist me to transfer this money
to your account.Immediately after this transfer in your account,
you will help me to prepare my traveling documents and air ticket to
come over to meet you.IN YOU next mail i will forward YOU MY bank
détails TO SEND ME THE MONEY OK
i need your information such as :
Your Full Names : ......
Age : ......
Address : ......
Telephone : ......
please am waiting to hear a good news from you,God bless you,
Attach the payment slip.I will be waiting to hear from you soonest
with the payment slip.
LIAN

And in Gurzom, our hero has the upper hand, but fate has other plans...

Quote:

Lina Sweetheart
The advisor seated in the back of the noble slowly rose and advanced to the side of his master, motioning the wenches seated at his sides to remove themselves. He lowered his head and whispered to the noble.
"Eminence, the purnishment you have decreed will cause much misery to this scum, yet it will last only a short time, then release him to a land beyond the sufferings of the human body. Why not mellow him in one of the subterranean vaults for a few days, then send him to life labor in one of your buried mines. To one such as he, a life spent in the confinement of the stygian pits will be an infinitely more appropiate and lasting torture."
The noble cupped his drooping double in the folds of his briming palm, meditating for a moment upon the rationality of the councilor's word's, then raised his shaggy brown eyebrows and turned toward the advisor, eyes aglow.
"...As always Agafnd, you speak with great wisdom. Your words ring of great knowledge concerning the nature of one such as he ," sayeth , the king. The noble turned toward the prisoner with a noticable shimmer reflecting in his frog-like eyes, and his lips contorting to a greasy grin. "I have decided to void my previous decree. The prisoner shall be removed to one of the palaces underground vaults. There he shall stay until I have decided that he has sufficiently simmered, whereupon he is to be allowed to spend the remainder of his days at labor in one of my mines."
Upon hearing this, Grignr realized that his fate would be far less merciful than death to one such as he, who is used to roaming the countryside at will. A life of confinement would be more than his body and mind could stand up to. This type of life would be immeasurably worse than death.
"I shall never understand the ways if your twisted civilization. I simply defend my honor and am condemned to life confinement, by a pig who sits on his royal ass wooing whores, and knows nothing of the affairs of the land he imagines to rule!" Lectures Grignr ?
"Enough of this! Away with the slut before I loose my control!"
Seeing the peril of his position, Grignr searched for an opening. Crushing prudence to the sward, he plowed into the soldier at his left arm taking hold of his sword, and bounding to the dias supporting the prince before the startled guards could regain their composure. Agafnd leaped Grignr and his sire, but found a sword blade permeating the length of his ribs before he could loosed his weapon.
The councilor slumped to his knees as Grignr slid his crimsoned blade from Agfnd's rib cage. The fat prince stood undulating in insurmountable fear before the edge of the fiery maned comet, his flabs of jellied blubber pulsating to and fro in ripples of flowing terror.
"Where is your wisdom and power now, your magjesty?" Growled Grignr.
The prince went rigid as Grignr discerned him glazing over his shoulder. He swlived to note the cause of the noble's attention, raised his sword over his head, and prepared to leash a vicious downward cleft, but fell short as the haft of a steel rimed pike clashed against his unguarded skull. Then blackness and solitude. Silence enshrouding and ever peaceful reind supreme.
"Before me, sirrah! Before me as always! Ha, Ha Ha, Haaaa...", nobly cackled.
Fond kisses
Cammy

Posted: Tue May 01, 2018 9:03 pm

So, does anyone know what's happening with the astronaut?! Dude must be dead by now. Shocked

Posted: Tue May 01, 2018 9:37 pm

^ Wrong thread? Very Happy

Lina / LIAN is the most boring lad ever, yet this thread is very entertaining. Really enjoying the different genres folks are bringing to it.

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