The Eleven-Year Itch

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Posted: Thu Jan 25, 2018 11:53 am

I received an email today from one Michael Adamu - not in itself unusual, save for the fact that it was the first email I'd got from the Lad since 24 March 2007.

In other words, that's ten years, ten months and two days between contacts. Is that a record?

Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2018 1:58 am

The last exchange twixt Mal and Adamu back in 2007 was (the lad is in italics from here on):

Quote:

I want to remind you that we are still waiting for the remittance form and the contractors I.D Care which you suppose to send to this department to enable me process your contract fund transfer without any more delay.
I am waiting for your urgent response.
Take care of your self and send my greetings to your family.

Quote:

If I had been issued with the ID card and the remittance form I could send them. I haven't received them, so I can't provide them.
Over to you.

Moving ahead to 25 January 2018:

Quote:

Be informed that there are different accounts submitted for your payment by your Next of kin in conjunction with your Broker from USA. We do not know the information to use to effect your payment.
Please, you are hereby required to verify the following immediately: Did you sign any "Deed of Assignment" in her favor, thereby making Mrs Monica Elina the current beneficiary with the following account details: [**snipped**].
You are required as a matter of urgency to confirm the legitimacy of the above claim and kindly give us reason why you decided to affect the above Change of Account. If you are not aware of this claim, please confirm to us immediately by stating your authentic account details, proper credit of your funds. Also required are documents authenticating your claim? Make sure you get back to me as soon as possible so that the necessary action will be taking immediately for you to receive your fund.
Therefore, you should endeavor to comply as you receive this letter in order to expedite the action on your final transfer to your nominated bank account. Your earliest cooperation to this effect will help us round up with your transfer that is scheduled to be done.
The requirements are as follows:
1) Your receiving bank account Details for transferring your fund
2) Passport photos
3) Obtaining an Affidavit of Claim (Compulsory)
4) Valid ID: International Passport
I wish to bring to your notice that no body will ignoring your demand and cry for justice because under my watch and supervision everything is being done in accordance with the rule of engagement of this Bank to make sure that justice is being done on your side in a short time regarding your previous dealings with this office that is the assurance i am giving to you now because this Bank will not tolerate or let go of such act by this office because it might be repeated again in future by some other lower officers in this office so we are seriously fighting with the help of other superior officers to make sure that you get your justice and also use them to set a disciplinary example.
To continue the steps, you are a tip to not hesitate to send the necessary information so that we can make the necessary transfer on your behalf as soon as possible, then send you the copy of the transfer slip for your purposes. We suggest that you can revert to us immediately if you receive this communication.
With all this explanation in mind, you will agree with me that we global banks have the code of business conduct and ethics. This code describes the values and minimum standards for ethical business conduct that we expect all our clients to follow.
These values and standards govern employee interactions with our customers, competitors, business partners, government and regulatory authorities, and shareholders as well as with each other. They also form the cornerstone of our policies, which provide detailed guidance on compliance with applicable laws and regulations.
We maintain Organizational and System-Related Arrangements and Other Measures to Help Minimize and Resolve Potential Conflicts. We hope it goes forward now and get the affidavit of claim as ordered so we will serve you better.
I want to congratulate you for what the Almighty God has done for you regarding your funds transfer. Your urgent response is needed.
Call me as soon as you receive this message.
Take care of your self and send my greetings to your family.

Mal wasn't quite as verbose.

Quote:

I don't have a broker, and I don't know what a Deed of Assignment is (and for the record, my next of kin is my daughter Camille). I shouldn't have to tell you that, but then again this is the fifth time you've made this kind of fuckup. Let me quote something I wrote you back in March 2007; "You can't arrange a simple bank transfer, yet for some reason you're perfectly willing to give my money to any bozo that walks in off the street! That's FOUR different people now - one of them three times! I have NOT appointed any agents in this matter, and I NEVER will appoint any agents in this matter! Not Janet White, not John Tsai, not Eliot Brooks, and NOT, repeat NOT Lee Chong!ARE WE CLEAR?" And that's the least of the problems I had with your gorram bank.

The Lad was unabashed:

Quote:

Your earliest cooperation to this effect will help us round up with your transfer that is scheduled to be done.
The requirements are as follows and please send it immediately to enable this bank to start the ;processing of your fund transfer:
1) Your receiving bank account Details for transferring your fund
2) Passport photos
3) Obtaining an Affidavit of Claim (Compulsory)
4) Valid ID: International Passport
5)Telephone and Fax Number

He then repeated the text of the previous email.

Mal was displeased.

It's been nearly eleven years since you wrote to me. Let's put that in perspective. Both world wars were fought and won in less time than that. So tell me; just where the gorram hell were you in all that time? And what makes you think you have the right to tell me these things?
The requirements are as follows... please send it immediately...
you are a tip to not hesitate to send the necessary information
We suggest that you can revert to us immediately if you receive this communication.
Your urgent response is needed.
Final note - "I want to congratulate you for what the Almighty God has done for you regarding your funds transfer" - are you blaming God for all the slackness and unreliability at CBN?

The Lad didn't reply over the weekend; let's see what the next week brings.