Game of TWATs, As Far Away as Timbuktu

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2016 4:02 am

The onion smugglers and myself have been trying to get a TWAT bait off the ground for several months. We had a couple bites, but nothing worthwhile. Then Rev Joel showed up in our lives. He goes by several names, but I'd like to use Joel to avoid using the mask function.

This is a fun lad. He knows how poor his English is. As such he would rather google a quote than formulate one his self. So far we have quotes from Nathan Fillion, Channing Tatum, and a ton of published lad scripts. This lad loves google, he would be lost without it. In fact, he has visited the TWAT website without anyone providing it for him. Too bad for him that he didn't click on the other google results for TWAT.

So please allow me to introduce you to the crew.

SD- Rev. Richard, the recruiting director
Maggiestail- Ms. Roxie, Richard's secretary and lad love interest
Doraemon- Rev. David, devout member and mentor for the lad. Also D is playing the good cop.
BBB- Rev. Ben, the member that is a lad in disguise. Since the lad played stupid with her, she is also the bad cop.

Then there is Rev. Phystme. An established member of the church that has been guiding the smugglers since the beginning. I'll let him do the reveal.

Also I have to give a huge shout out to AlDente. He is only an honorary onion smuggler, but he provided the lad. Where we all failed previously he identified a good candidate.

We debated publishing this bait for a while. We didn't want to get the community's hopes up too soon. If you will notice, we don't have a pretty pink pyramid in our sig lines. Yet.

Now I know how the internet works. Erection pics or GTFO.

First let's start with a flaccid pic. Yes it's an erection, but it's not satisfying anyone.

Not bad for a first try. But definitely not worth the money the church wants to pay him.

Quote:

Hello Sir Richard

Good morning ,and thanks from your email sir I will like to let you know that I am a young man and I want to stared at this my age to vocation for God not when I am old ,I will re build the monument of faith ,

I build the monument like the one that I see on the church website, Sir please understand that I did not have money to buy one plot of land, Sir I am in the city not at the village, and note that this have cost me all my money this have cost me $3000.

What about if I build the monument of faith like these one? Will it be accepted ?

please i need to hare from you immediately

Thanks
Ezenwa

Lad included a picture from the TWAT website.

Rev. Richard responded. Also, my phone doesn't want to cooperate. It copied the entire email conversation instead of just the one. It's late and I assume that you can identify who wrote the following statements.

Quote:

Seven blessings to you. Here are pictures of a recently built monument of faith. They are from Rev. Dirtee Sanchez. He is another devout member like you. I can't wait for you to meet him at the FIRE conference. You still have time before you need to travel

Thu 7/7/2016 1:14 PM
To:
Richard Robert
Seven blessings to you Richard Robert

Thanks for your email I have all ready stared the building, and I promise that these one we be good
How is your family today? Here in my country we have three days holiday, I will build the monument as the church want it ,

Thanks
Ezenwa

Sent from Yahoo Mail. Get the app

Seven blessings to you my brother. There is no need to apologize for mistakes. Only the Lord Christ is free from mistakes. Many other TWAT members had their monuments rejected on the first try. All we care about is that you are willing to do what the church what the church asks.

Seven blessings to you, Richard Robert Thanks for your email, But it will teak me all must one week to build another monument because I will have to fall the other one and re build angina, I am sorry for the mistakes Thanks Ezenwa Sent from Yahoo Mail.

Seven blessings to you.

The monument in the picture is what the church is looking for. In fact that particular monument was built higher than necessary. You don't have to build one that high, as long as it is 3 meters tall. But if you feel that your faith is very large, then by all means build a bigger monument to reflect that.

It is clear to me that you understand what a true monument of faith is. The money and hard work you have spent is a reflection of your belief in the church. You are well on your way to becoming a full member of TWAT. If you follow the directions of the church you will be richly provided for.

I look forward to seeing how large your faith is.

Richard Robert
The Watchtower's Apocalyptic Testament

Sent from my IPad

So the lad is obviously of the faith of the seven. I'm not a north man so I can't find fault there. However it does irk me that he keeps misspelling Ser. I tried to educate him on how to correctly spell that word, but the smugglers are way better at de-education than I am. Oh well.

Quote:

Dear Richard

My friend Paule is a very Good man but the only problem that he have is his sickness, I meet Paule at the church and he have be a good friend to me from the day one till now ,

I have made some photos and here is the attachment, Sir this have made me to sell my car

Thanks
Ezenwa

Btw, Paule was the first "person" we talked to. He filled out the application forms and sent photos of "himself". Then he shit his pants when he realized that the money would only be presented in person at the FIRE conference. Unfortunately Paule is sick and cannot travel. But he did refer us to Rev. Joel. He is the Mickey Mouse enthusiast in the first picture.

Here are the pictures that accompanied that last email.

So no shiny new sig icon. But enough potential to share this bait with the community.

We have quite a bit of hilarious emails that brought us here. I hope that he doesn't give us time to share them.

Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2016 4:26 am

Great job so far!

Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2016 4:56 am

"Sir this have made me to sell my car" - Love this.

Nice job with the lad team onion smugglers.

AlDente.

Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2016 7:58 am

Brilliant. This looks very promising. Looking forward to reading more. Smile

Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2016 8:17 am

A TWAT devote is just what we need until GOT resumes. Thank you for the distraction and I look forward to your lad selling his laptop, phone and whatever other valuables he can find.

Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2016 12:08 pm

Wow. This is fantastic! Nicely done.

Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2016 1:13 pm

I'm part of the small percentage of people that has never seen Game of Thrones, but this is entertaining as can be! Well done, all of you!

Baiting Guru Joined: 10 Oct 2010 Posts: 3876

great

if he succeeds, the next step could be building that sword throne of GoT in front of that pyramid. Twisted Evil

that could be required for the baptism with goat milk afterwards.

Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2016 1:44 pm

Thanks for the support. Don't feel bad Bware, some of the baiters involved in this are Ice and Fire virgins. I'm sure you will enjoy this bait as much as them. But not as much as some. Rev. Phystme and myself have this game between us. One point for a GoT reference. Two points if the lad uses one. We don't actually keep score, but it is a fun game. Also, we all started out as any TWAT bait should. With an innuendo competition. It kinda died down, but now that the world is watching we have to step up our game.

Rev. Richard's email

Quote:

Seven blessings to you good Ser!

We are all excited to see that your monument is being erected. Keep faith in the erection of your monument. Good things will come from displaying how large your faith is.

I'm sorry to hare that you had to sell your car. Here We Stand. You are very close to becoming a full TWAT. Remember that after the FIRE conference you will receive a monthly car allowance. Start thinking about what car you would like to use to spread the holy word.

Also don't forget that you will be reimbursed for the money you spend if you provide the church with receipts. Please document all expenses so we can provide you with the money you spent.

Richard Robert
The Watchtower's Apocalyptic Testament

Sent from my IPhone 6

I'm not an apple man. You may have noticed that I don't know how to spell iPhone. Thankfully the lad didn't. And he has an iPhone. Also, today's GoT reference is a tribute to an adorable little girl.

Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2016 3:52 pm

Quote:

I'm part of the small percentage of people that has never seen Game of Thrones

I am too Bware - I often feel like the only one in the gang who doesn't get the jokes Sad

Quote:

some of the baiters involved in this are Ice and Fire virgins

Who are you calling a virgin? Shocked

Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2016 4:03 pm

Certainly not you. The dick pic defiled everyone in a twenty mile radius.

Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2016 1:05 am

Message to Doraemon

Quote:

Dear David Chiang,

My friend Paule is a very Good man but the only problem that he have is his sickness, I meet Paule at the church and he have be a good friend to me from the day one till now ,

Yes I have made some photos and here is the attachment, I am not too much in gating girly friend,
All I need in life is to be useful .

Thanks
Ezenwa

Doraemon's response

Quote:

Dear Ser Buchi,

Thank you so much for your kind answer and i want you to know that i agree with you very much that Ser Paule is a good man, and this is why i want to help him to overcome his sickness. Did you hear from him lately? I writing to him yesterday but there was no answer from him i hope everything is fine over there with him.

I am very happy to see those photos, i can see some good planning and fine work. Are those your friends in the background of the photo? Did you show your progress to Rev. Richard already? Did you also sent him a video of your working? I am sure that he will appreciate it. Do not mind about any cost, after Rev. Richard has seen my perfectly erect monument of faith i was fully reimbursed for everything at the FIRE in south east asia.

I also want you to know that you made me smile when i reading about your opinion about the girly friend. We chinese have the saying that smart men prefer the useful, and you are the proof for that my friend, and i thank god that he let me knowing you more better.
Hope to reading from you soon dear brother and please send my best regards to Ser Paule.
God bless you.

Your brother

姜大衛

David Chiang

The Watchtower's Apocalyptic Testament

Hong Kong branch Kowloon

Sent from my iPad

Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2016 3:46 am

Well, since the rest of the Onion Smugglers seem reticent to start talking about the bait, I guess I'll take the opportunity to introduce y'all to our <strike>idiot lad</strike> esteemed applicant...

As Davos has already pointed out, this guy is ... quite the character. As near as we can tell, he has never had an original idea in his head or (if he has) any philosophical depth he may have had on display was completely obliterated by his grammar, spelling, and syntax. Even better, the lad's characters have like four first names, he tends to use them interchangeably in his emails, and (more often than not) he ends up misspelling at least one of them. So, yeah, Mensa's not gonna come calling in the near future.

Our lad's first character (Ike) came to us from Brother AlDente, who baited him for a while, knocked him off script, then offered him to the team. I can't recall what the original scam was but Ike claimed he was some sort of reverend or minister -- exactly the kind of person the TWAT loves.

So, first things first. Every prospective TWAT needs an application, and every application needs a couple of photos, right? Yeah, not so easy...

Quote:

HELLO SIR / MADA

Having reviewed all the obstacles and problems surrounding the forms is because i can not print my photo out so you will have to print by your self ,These have cost me a lot of money i am just a small pastor .here in Nigerian to print out all these and scam it and send it back to you people have cost me much money

OK -- we got ourselves a DIY application. Lovely. But Ike did give us some very nice photos of him and his family. So we've got that going for us:

Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2016 4:07 am

Next step, of course, is to give the lad some mentors in the church. First off was Doraemon, our very devout good cop. Next came BBB, our not-so-devout lad-in-TWATs-clothing. Ike's first email to BBB was a classic:

Quote:

I believe in love. I believe in good stories. I play really hard on the weekends because I like to have those stories. My wife and I go off and do craziness all the time.sir how many months is it going to teak the church to do all these for me ?

I like doing things where I can get dirty, work with my hands, and use power tools.

Part of this email is a Channing Tatum quote, part is a Nathan Fillion quote, and part is from our boi. Betcha can't guess which is which?

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/c/channingta469830.html

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/n/nathanfill506923.html

Now, all questions regarding payment and timing need to be sent up the food chain to the good Reverend Robert (or something like that), who made it very clear to Ike that no payments can be made to any initiates until they have completed a very simple (*cough, choke*) initiation ritual and have attended one of the church's conferences.

This didn't sit all that well with our boi:

Quote:

Dare <DAVOS>

Thanks so much and I like the way you ans my question may God bless you .Sir but I have another question does it mean that the church cannot give me induction payment: $200,000.00 until they see me face to face?

Please get back to me

Sorry to say, but 'tis true. Then, shortly thereafter:

Quote:

I have a confession to make. I cannot travel out because of my sickness, Sir but I have a dedicated young man a child of God who can slave the The Watchtower Apocalyptic Testament and I will like you people to make him the pastor and he will be the one who will build the monument of faith I have elucidate/ explain Avery thin to him, He is a very good young man and also he fails God so much, He is 27 years old and single and I think he can marry from the TWAT members,

Sir <DAVOS> please I am sorry, I believed that you people will give the young man the change to be slave the God by being a member of the church TWAT .

What are the things that him will need to do? I will be waiting to hare from you about the young man his name is (JOEL ) should I pass your email address to him?.

Well, shit. Who could possibly pass up a chance to work with a young man who not only fails god so much but also wants to slave the TWAT? Not us, that's for sure!

And, shortly after that, the good Reverend Robert (or something like that) gave Ike the good news that the church would happily take Joel:

Quote:

Seven blessings to you my brother. (Wow. He finally got one right. Two points to Davos.)

Thanks so much my good friend sir I just come back from church. And the topic today is due to others what you want them to do to you

Thanks for accepting the young man blow is this information

Name: <JOEL>
Email address: <REDACTED>

Sir I know that he is a young man /boy but he have all it will teak to be a good member of the church and I promise you that his church will be one of the best, because I have know his since he was born he is the only one who I trust and who can give the TWAT what is needed, The attachment is the young man photos after church today,

As I believe in God and i believe you people will accept him,He is a very Good young man believe me sir

Now, our take on all of this is that Ike tried to scam us with fake pictures and then, when he learned that he would only be able to get money from us at the FIRE, realized he had painted himself into a corner. Therefore, for the time being, we're running under the assumption that Joel is the "real" lad and is the one who will be joining us at a wonderful five-star resort for our upcoming FIRE.

Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2016 4:31 am

bware419ers wrote:

I'm part of the small percentage of people that has never seen Game of Thrones, but this is entertaining as can be! Well done, all of you!

Mind you, there's literally dozens of us! Ya hear me, onion smugglers? Dozens! Very Happy

Can't wait for this young man to become a slave for the good cause Cool

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

^^ I haven't watched it either, but I sure have read all the books. Love the scenario, team. Good luck with venture - winter is coming.

419Eater is my life Joined: 11 Sep 2015 Posts: 333

I will post my part of the conversation here. My character is David Chiang (姜大衛) from Hong Kong. I am a very devout member since i joined the church last year. The goals of my character are to gain the lad's trust and confidence to guide him into the direction we want, and also get informations about him, give hints about our wealth and finally, for wasting his time.

So here we go, the first contact: (D: = Doraemon / L: = Lad)
L:

Quote:

Hello Rev. David Chang I was given your email by Rev Richard Robert, please sir i need your help right now i receive a forms from The Watchtower's Apocalyptic Testament.and there some question that i did not understand at all which i need your help

5. Do you think that women should be allowed to enjoy being in the TWAT?
6. How many TWATs is enough?
7. Is too much TWAT a bad thing?
8. Can you get too much of the TWAT?
12. If you could describe TWAT in 3 words, what would they be?
In the space below, draw what you think the TWAT would look like

Sir please i did not understand these question please help me out

Thanks
Paule Ike

D:

Quote:

Dear reverend Paul,

Thank you for your message and for contacting me.
My beloved brother and mentor Richard told me you are the newest applicant for becoming a member to our church. I feel very happy that you up-roach me and i welcome you with open arms to embrace you. My name is David and i am from Kowloon, Hong Kong. I found TWAT on a low point in my life when i was already giving up everything except a small piece of hope and belief in god, and pastor Richard from USA embraced me and guided me to the right path in my life. I spread the word of The Watchtower's Apocalyptic Testament here in Hong Kong now, as you may know this is a difficult place to live. But the grace of god and his TWAT lead me to the right way and my life changed for good now. I know now this was no coincidence that i met Richard and his TWAT, it was god's will to let us become one, and i know it was god's will to let you find TWAT.
How did you meet brother Richard? How did god arrange for you to finding TWAT? Please tell me a little bit about yourself my brother. I want you to know that i will be here for you and i give you guidance and advice to go through the application and initiation process of our church. Not long ago i was in your position myself and my feeling was so happy about Richard becoming my mentor and i hope that i can give you the same feeling of being safe and welcome, and the feeling of having found the right place inside our TWAT. Please introduce yourself a little bit to me, this will let me and our other members know that you are very eager and motivated to join our good church, and it will make your application process more smooth and easy.

Please take care my new brother and remain blessed.

Your brother

姜大衛

David Chiang

The Watchtower's Apocalyptic Testament

Hong Kong branch Kowloon

Sent from my IPhone 6

L:

Quote:

Hello ser ,David Chiang

Thanks a lot for these advice i will try all my best to fill the forms and send it back to the church

D:

Quote:

Dear Ser reverend Paul,

I feel very happy to reading your positive response and i am very excited to meet a hopefully vibrant and motivated fellow believer. I feel very confident that with the right attitude you will become a useful and well-respected member of our church.

Are you already in contact with the lovely secretary miss Fontana from UK? I advise you to forward your complete application very soon to her. If you have any other question about the forms i will be very happy to help you. I want you to know that most of our worldwide members are in good contact with each other, and it is very helpful and satisfying to know TWAT from all around the world. This is why i will be open to you and tell you a little something about me. Read my story and keep it in mind as an advice from a man whose life was bad and unfortunate until he met the prosperous TWAT and his life became successful.

Before i joined our church, i was a poor and lazy man, without any goals in my life. In fact i was at a point where i wanted to end my life, but god had other plans with me. He let me meet my brother and mentor Richard, and this generous and kind man of god made me aware that i can change my life and become fortunate and prosperous if i lay my body and soul in the hands of god and the church of the Watchtower's Apocalyptic Testament.

At first i thought, if i join the church, god will arrange my life and my fortune. But i had to learn and experience by myself that if you want to harvest, you need to seed first, and this seed do not just grow by itself, it needs some attentive care and diligent work to become the fruit.
I became a reverend in a very short time thanks to my mentor's instructions and now i enjoy all the benefits of being an honorable and reputable member of our church. I demonstrated and proved my strong believe and dedication to our god and our church and now it is my time to harvest the fruit of my work and to spread the words of faith here in Hong Kong.

I hope i can show you the way and guide you to become an important and respected member of our church. I promise you, if you follow our instructions for the sucessful application and initiation, you will experience all the gratitude of god and our church by yourself very soon. I want you to understand i am here for you to answer all of your questions and to look after your solicitudes.
This is why i want you to tell me a litte something about yourself and about your life over there in your country. Are you a married man my dear brother? What kind of education do you have? I will feel very happy to know you better and to develop a good relationship as a brother and a friend.
I am looking forward very much to hear back from you brother, and i am willing and ready to help you with any of your concern.

L:

Quote:

Hello Ser David Chiang

Thanks from you are email i have fill the forms and send it back to Rev Richard

I hate his short and lazy answers, i want him to put some effort in his replies.

D:

Quote:

Dear brother Ser Paul,

Thank you for your reply and your kind addressing me as a Ser. I am very happy to hear that you already sent the forms to Rev. Richard. Did he already reply to you? I hope i can congratulate you soon for becoming the newest member of TWAT. I want you to know i do not have much contact with Rev. Richard because of the big time difference, but he ordered me to being your mentor as i am the most recent sucessful initiate. But your answers to me are always very short, dear brother, i want you to understand it is necessary to build a friendly and good relationship with the other members, especially with those trying to help you. Please brother Paul, try to being more open and not shy, i want you to know my last email came from my heart to you, i presented myself to you to become your friend and helper, and i would like to hear something about you. I understand you are from african country and the life is difficult over there. I had a difficult life myself before, this is why i understand you and offer you my help to have a smooth initiation here, and i promise your life will be different later. Our church always helps the motivated and new members and the church have enough funds to help the development of new TWAT houses for needy souls. I hope i touched your heart with my words and i am looking forward to learn about you and knowing you more better in the future. God bless you, brother Paul.

L:

Quote:

Dear Ser ,David Chiang

Thank you so much for your Good email ,I am so happy that i have a friend like you and i am also happy to have you as my mentor it is up to 42 hours that i sent the forms to Rev Richard ,I know that Rev Richard is a very good man of God ,
My Names are Paule Ike Nnamdi and I am 37 years and i am from IMO state in Nigerian ,Ser i will be vary happy to be a member of your church ,I will let you know my problems are that i did not have any money to open the church here in my country that is the only problem that i have right now ,

I will like it if you can help me out on these ,

Thanks
IKE

D:

Quote:

Dear brother Ser Paul,

Thank you so much for your kind email, i am very happy to hear you already sent the application to Rev. Richard. I am sure he will get back to you very soon. I would be very excied if you become our member soon.

I feel very sad to hear about your difficulties over there. But i want you to know i had the same problems too before i became a TWAT. I promise you, everything will solve after you become a full member, because we ministers have a full monthly salary from TWAT, and the church will provide the funds to buy a piece of land and build a house of god.
Do you have any questions about TWAT or even about my private life? Feel free to ask, dear brother, i want to ask you are you married or still single? And i would like to ask you, what is your education? You seems very smart and educated to me, with good knowledge in english.
I hope to reading back from you soon, god bless you dear brother Ser Paul.

L:

Quote:

Dear Brother Ser David Chiang

Thanks ser for your world of advice ,I am a married man with one child ,I am 37 years old ,my boys name is prosper ,Ser how many years are you now and how is your wife and kids ,Did you have your own church ,

The attachment is the picture of me and my wife and my boy ,Thanks so much ,Did you speak English ,can you give me your phone number ?

Thanks
Paule Ike

D:

Quote:

Dear brother Ser Paule,

Thank you very much for your kind email and for sending me the photos. You have a very lovely wife and son. I am married too, my wife is from Switzerland, but we have no kids. I am 36 years old and last year we finished the building of our church here in Hong Kong. At todays church service i made some photos for you to see the inside of our humble church. After i completed the TWAT initiation i received the funds from the headquarter to buy a piece of land and build our own church.
I speak english, but my writing is better than my speaking, but you may give me your phone number so i can call you when is convenient here.
May i ask you, what are you currently working? And what are your hobbies? Mine are collecting swiss watches and eating rare foods. Looking forward to hear back from you and to learn more about you, my brother and friend. God bless you.

L:

Quote:

Dear ser David

Thanks for your email, You are like a brother to me i am so happy that i have you in my life ,In this New Week You will dance to the music of good health Extra-ordinary gr8ness and prosperity from God.may That anointing of Pentecost Neva depart from you,

Ser i can see your church look so Good ,Ser when will the headquarter give me some money to to buy a piece of land and build our own church here in Nigerian ? ,Ser i real need these i want to be come the church pastor here in Nigerian .

Ser my number one hobbies is football and reading the bible ,And eating Good African food ,here is my phone number +234 snip, I will be happy to here from you

Thanks
Pule Ike

D:

Quote:

Dear brother Ser Paul,

I was very happy to read your kind response. I hear from your kind words that you are a good man. I am absolutely sure that our biggest TWAT will be delighted you become a member. I will send email to our founder Rev. Phystme to give him a good word about you. Here in Hong Kong we are very proud that we could get a high donation for building our beautiful church. But you need to understand that you can get your funds only after your sucessful initiation. But i want you to know that i am absolutely sure that with your spirit and good attitude you will complete the TWAT initiation rites without any problem in a very short time.
Dear brother, please tell me more about your good african food, i am very interested to hear about the food from all around the world. What kind of rare foods do you have over there? What is your favour? Here i send you some photos of tonight's dinner we had, hope you like it and i would be very happy to see photos of what food you have over there and i hope i can invite you one time in the future to enjoy the food together. Here in Hong Kong we eat all kinds of animals, everything which can not hide from us will be eaten Smile

I am looking forward very much to hear back from you, dear Ser Paul, and i am sure we will become good friends in the future.
God bless you.

L:

Quote:

Dear Brother David

Thanks for the photos that you send to me,Ser David you are like my blood brother right now ,I have told my wife about you and she says that she will like to see your photo ,

Ser the problem that i am having is the money to open the church because i did not have any money, i hope that your church in Hong kong will happy me too ,The African exceptional foods we have, Rice ,akpu ,yam,Here is the photos of the some food that i like so much

Thanks
Paule

D:

Quote:

ear brother Ser Paule,
Thank you very much for your kind email and for sending me those interesting food photos. What are those animals on the photo and how do you cook them? Is it the so called bushmeat i heard about? I would love to try it one time! Maybe i come over to your side for celebrate the opening of your new church, i hope you will not forget to invite me. Did you get any news about your membership? I am very sure that the headquarter will approve you and i hope you can give me the good news very soon! I think we will all benefit from your new membership, especially yourself and the fellow believers around you, i am sure you will honor the TWAT with a gorgeous monument and a beautiful new church. Please forward my best regards to your wife and show her the photo i attached, this is me and my wife Lily, i told her about you being my new brother and friend. God bless you and i am looking forward to read the good news from you.

L:

Quote:

Thanks my brother, I ma so happy to here back from you all the animals are called Glasscutter / Bush meat,
Yes I will invite you to my country one day and that day we be one of my Good day ,Ser I received an email from (William U. Phystme Founder The Watchtower Apocalyptic Testament ) today ,And i am happy to here from him ,I think he is a good man of God, I,am still waiting for the Standard TWAT induction payment so that i can get a land and the house of God, Ser how long these we be ,Sir for how long we these teak for the Standard TWAT induction payment to get to me ?

My wife is happy to see your wife photo

Thanks
Paule

D:

Quote:

Dear brother Ser Paule,

Thank you so much for your good news, you need to know that it is a big honor to get email from our great founder and leader Ser Phystme, he will only communicate with our most promising members. I think you will be invited to the FIRE conference and get your induction payment right there on place, but it is better you direct the questions about the donations and salary payment directly to him or to the TWAT secretary Mrs. Fontana.
Dear brother i am so happy to learn about the food from your country, i never saw those glasscutter before, but they looks delicious, are they also making the dry meat with those? I would be very interested to try it! One friend who travels a lot told me that i should try the so called mopane worms when i come to visit you, can you tell me what is that? Here i send you some photos of my tonights dinner, hope you like it! We eat Yam, pork stew, amanita and atropa, it was delicious!
Hope to hear back from you soon my good friend, almost can not wait to hear about your sucessful initiation.
God bless you!

L:

Quote:

Dear Ser David Chiang

ser i am so happy to know you in my life thank you so much and may God keep blessing you and your family ,Ser i will like you to come to my country ,

Ser i received an email from the church secretary Mrs. Fontana with an attachment which i did not understand at all,(Instructions for Pyramid Building Ceremony) I did not know how to go about the forms ,Ser can you help me out?,How is your wife today

Thanks
Paule Ike

Was in RL holidays so i did not had time to answer all the time. After one week he is getting impatient:

Quote:

Dear Ser David ,

How are you and your family it have been a long time that i have not hare from you ,

Ser since i know you ,You have been a good friend / brother to me ,but now I am sorry I cannot make it up to your church because the church wants to get a plot of land,

,Sir I did not have the money to do that ,I have ask Rev Richard to loan me some money and I promise him that I will pay he back ,

Sir can you loan me any amount of money I will pay you back at the fire conference?

I will wait to here from you

Thanks
Paule

D:

Quote:

Dear brother Ser Paule,

Thank you for your kind email and i am very sorry for not contacting you the last few days. I am currently on a missionary trip in Malaysia and spread the word of TWAT over there in this ungodly country.
I am very sorry to hear about your lack of money, but i want you to know that all your troubles will be solved after your proof of faith. I was in the same situation like you, but i have proven my strong will and dedication to TWAT with solving my problems on my own. I built the monument of faith at the public park here in Kowloon Hong Kong. Compared to the benefit and profit i got afterwards, the building of the monument is just a very small task to show your dedication, and i am sure that you find a solution by your own to display your loyalty. But i need you to know that i am here for you, i will advise you and guide you, and together with god's help i am sure that you will have finished the monument very soon. I promise to you, after that you will see the greatness of TWAT and become a prosperous and well respected member. I am looking forward to hear back from you with good news my dear blood brother and friend.
God bless you.

Your brother and friend

L:

Quote:

Dear Sir Daivd
Thanks for your email i have been wording why you have not get back to me since all this day ,
Ser i want to be a member of the church , but ser i did not have the money to build the monument of faith ,Please ser can you loan me some so money /can you help me with any amount to complete the one that i have ?

I will wait to hare from you

Thanks
Paule

After that, the lad told to Rev. Richards that he is unable to join the church because of his sickness, but he have a good friend who wants to join. Waiting for him to contacting me. Meanwhile brother Paule sends a slimy "happy sunday" message:

Quote:

Seven Blessing to you

After 6 working days of a week, the day following Saturday is called Sunday. People love to enjoy Sunday with families and friends by sending happy Sunday message or quote.I Know that you people is Going To Miss me You,

Sunday Is A Great Day,Because Today I Can Send A Message To One Of My Dearest Friends.

I Wish You The Best Of Days!

Sent him an email that i waiting for his friend to contact me and want to know more about his sicknes.
L:

Quote:

Dear David

I am so Happy to hare from you, how is your family and your wife, my royally to her,
Yes I am unable to travel out because of one native sickness, The name is akpu orij ,
But I have a very Good friend who will work for the church so good, His name is Prosper the young man told me that he have build the mountain of faith and Rev Richard Did not accept it and he told me that him will re Build it in the next one week ,
My friend I need money and pray that is all I need from you as for now, I did not know if you can help me with any amount of money, Thanks

I will be waiting to hare from you about the money issue

Thanks
Paule

Time to contact the "new applicant" (Prosper = P)

Quote:

Dear brother Ser Prosper.

My name is David Chiang and i am from Hong Kong, where i work as a TWAT minister. I received your contact from Richard Robert, he told me that you are our newest member, with a highly promising attitude. He told me that you are a friend of my dear blood brother Ser Paule and that Ser Paule did bring you to enter the TWAT. God bless him for that. I am in good contact with him and i call him a good friend and i want to meet him for real soon in the future. I want you to know that Paules friends is also my friends and i wish we can have a good relationship between TWAT members and brothers. How is your initiation going? And will i see you at the next FIRE conference? I will be very happy to reading back from you, please present yourself a little bit, i want to know you more better, and please give my best regards to Ser Paule if you see him.

P:

Quote:

Dear ser Daivad

I am so Happy to hear from you ,my friend Pule have told me about you before you contact me ,How is your family and your lovely wife and how is Chain today ?

My names are Prosper Buchi Joel and I am from African ,Nigerian ,Lagos state ,And I am a young man of my age 27 and I will do any to be a savant of lord in my young age ,That is why I want to join the church when my friend told me about it and I have build the monument of faith but it was not accepted ,I will re build it it aging,

I will be happy if you can send me a photo of your monument of faith, so that I can copy from you

Thanks
Buchi

D:

Quote:

Dear brother Ser Prosper Buchi Joel,

I am very delighted to read your kind email, thank you for your introduction and i am looking forward to know you better as a brother and a friend. My wife is fine and she send you her best regards, i have already told her about Paule and you, and we are already looking forward to meet both of you at the coming FIRE. You are very lucky to have such a good and caring friend as Paule.

I want you to understand that i can not send you a photo of my monument. The monument is the expression of YOUR faith and it needs to come from YOUR body and soul dedicated to our god and the TWAT. After my first failure i build the new monument exactly like in the manual i received from Rev. Robert. It was perfectly erect and very stable (just like my faith and believe in god) and it was 5 meters tall. The reverends from US and Europe were very proud of me and since then i am a well respected and favourable member and i was granted the highest amount to build the Hong Kong church at the FIRE in south east asia.

I am very sure dear brother, with your good attitude and your strong will you will surprise everybody with your demonstration of faith, i am looking forward to read the good news that your introduction was sucessful.
Please do not hesitate to ask me if you need any advice and i will pray for you and your family & loved ones.
God bless you.

P:

Quote:

Dear brother Ser David Chiang

I am very enchanted to hear back from you
I am doing all my best to complete the monument by myself, Yes I promise you that will are going to meet at the coming fire ,My regard to your wife too,

I will get back to you when I am toughly with the monument,

Thanks
Buchi

D:

Quote:

Dear Ser Buchi,

Thank you for your update and i am glad to hear that everything is fine over there at your side. I received the bad news from your friend Paule that he is not able to travel to the FIRE due to his sickness. But we are already looking forward to see you there, but i hope that you can finish the monument soon enough to get the official invitation. How is the progress of your monument? Did you already made some photos of how you building it? Did i already tell you that i also made a video of myself carrying the heavy bags to show my hard working to Rev. Richards? He appreciated it very much to see a strong man at work.

I am very interested to know, where did you meet your friend Paule? And do you have a girlfriend, dear brother?

Looking forward to read back from you with the good news.

P:

Quote:

Dear David Chiang,

My friend Paule is a very Good man but the only problem that he have is his sickness, I meet Paule at the church and he have be a good friend to me from the day one till now ,

Yes I have made some photos and here is the attachment, I am not too much in gating girly friend,
All I need in life is to be useful .

Thanks
Ezenwa

...and meanwhile with brother Ser Paule
D:

Quote:

Dear brother Ser Paule,

Thank you for your kind message and the royally to my wife and family. My wife was asking about the outcome of things in your place, and i was proud and excited to tell her about your friend Prosper and it is incredible what he managed to accomplish in such a short time. Why did Rev. Richard not accept the monument he built? Did he build it exactly how they show in the manual?
When i built my monument of faith here in Hong Kong at the Kowloon park i experienced it by myself that it is very important to stick to the building manual. The church did not accept my building at first because it was not tall enough. But i have proof my faith and devoutness to them and rebuild it and i managed to build it 5 meters tall and show them myself hard working with a video i sent to them and they were very proud and convinced of my dedication to them. This is why Rev. Richards is still so proud of me and he grant me every favour and extra reward since then.

I went to our chinese doctor to ask about your sickness, the name is unknown to him, but somebody told to him it is some kind of travel sickness. He told me that you shoud avoid heavy and spicy food and there is a medicine called Avomyne which will help you for sure. Another cure is to drink one small sip of petrol, this helping cure many people over here. I hope you will healing soon and i pray to god to take away your sickness.
I hope to reading back from you very soon dear brother and i did not hear back from your friend yet i hope he will introduce himself to me very soon. God bless you.

P:

Quote:

Dare Brother

Thanks for your email, How is your wife?
Mr. prosper have re build the monument of faith ,I am happy to hear that you want to your doctor for my name ,Thank you so much and may God bless you .
Ser I ask you for a help can you help me?

I will be waiting to hear from you

Thanks
Paule

D:

Quote:

Dear brother Ser Paule,

I am very pleased to let you know that i am already in good contact with your friend Prosper and he seems to be a very faithful young man with a very good attitude. My wife likes his writing too and she thinks that he will proof his big faith to Rev. Roberts very soon. And i told him that he is very lucky to have such a good friend like you, dear Paule.
Me and Lily would like it very much if you could join your friend Prosper to the coming FIRE. We are so excited to have found brothers and new friends from your place, we are looking forward to chat and praying together.
Please let me know yours and Prospers size of your wrist because my wife wants to buy you a present from her home country Switzerland.
I will help you with my prayers for your health return to good and for being able to managing your life well and prosper my friend. We Hong Kong people believe it is bad luck to lending people any money and therefore we do not talk about that issue, i hope you understand we will only being able to make you a valuable gift and hand it over to you and your friend.
I am looking forward to read back from you and from your friend and i will pray for you and your family.

P:

Quote:

Dear ser David

Thanks so much you are like a brother to me and the love that I have for you is like father to his son ,
I am so sorry because I cannot make it to the fire coming , but prosper will make it and your wife will give him the present and it will get to me ,I did not ask you to lend me some money I only ask you for a help ,

Weekends are a bit like rainbows; they look good from a distance but disappear when you get up close to them.
Enjoy your weekend,Sir

Paule

D:

Quote:

Dear brother Ser Paule,

Thank you for your kind answer and your nice words and i have the same feeling towards you, i am very concerned about your well-being and your health. Any news about the cure of your sickness? Did you try out my advice? I still hope that you can make it to the FIRE and my wife can give you the present in person. I know that you will be very happy and i think that you and Prosper will cherish this valuable surprise.
I am very sorry dear brother i think i misunderstood about your question for help and please excuse me for being bold and tell you about my cultures tradition of not asking Hong Kong people for money. But those traditions are very important to us. I would like to know about your country traditions too. Are there any things that the foreigner should not do, or anything we should avoid when visiting your country? I will be very interested to hear.
I also want you to know that i think that your friend Prosper is the right person for TWAT, he show such great attitude so far and we expect him to be finished with his monument soon. We are very fortunate that you bring him to us and i am sure there will be a reward for you once Prosper complete his initiation and came to the FIRE. Please support him where ever you can. God will reward you for that too.

Remain blessed

I think the lad is quite hooked and i also think that he likes his Hong Kong brother who is always so kind and supporting Laughing

419Eater is my life Joined: 11 Sep 2015 Posts: 333

More whining about needing money. Since Paule will not ask me anymore for money because he don't want to hurt my cultural feelings, he let Prosper give it a try:

Quote:

Dear Ser David Chiang

Yes my friend paule sickness need help but right now all he need is money he told me that he have ask you for some money before but you did not give him so he keep silent, but my advice to you is if you have any help to give to paule it will be money because his sickness is a local sickness, I use to help him and his family with money but right now all my money is going on to the monument of faith,

Ser I believed in myself that before one week I will complete the monument of faith, Yes I have send so photo to Rev Richard, I am sorry I did not make videos ,

How is your wife and my reading to her I will not wait to see her at the fire coming, I had from paule aday ago ,

Thanks
Buchi

Anybody understand his last sentence? Shocked

Is he drunk? Or just stupid? Or both?
Anyways, here is my response:

Quote:

Dear brother Ser Buchi,

Thank you for your kind answer. I am very happy to hear that you will have finished your monument of fait very soon. I am sure that Rev. Richard will be very proud of you too. You can still make a video and send it to him, i think he will like it.

My wife if very fine and soon we will travel to her hometown in Switzerland before we come to the FIRE. Did Ser Paule show you her photo? She is a very good wife and a dedicated TWAT and i met her thanks to the church. She is also looking forward to meet you at the FIRE.

Did you get any news from Ser Paule? I am still waiting for his answer and i hope that everything is fine and he told me that his sickness only happening when he needs to travel. I told Ser Paule about our habits in chinese culture and why we can not talk about this issue, it is very bad to mention it because it means bad luck and misfortune. I am absolutely sure that there are other way to help our blood brother to overcome his sickness, this is why i offer to help him with our chinese medicine and give him my good advice of the cheap medicine. He should also become a TWAT member soon, because we have a very good madical and health insurance, who cover for all the sickness.

I hope to hear from brother Ser Paule soon, because we worry about him, and i looking forward to your answer too and to your update about your success. God bless you seven times my dear brother.

I have the feeling that i will receive an answer from Paule soon. I like it when lads play different characters, you can manipulate them more easy.

Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2016 11:47 am

a doctor wrote:

Another cure is to drink one small sip of petrol, this helping cure many people over here.

ha! Any word on if he's tried your "cure" yet?

Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2016 8:41 pm

Ser Davos wrote:

Then there is Rev. Phystme. An established member of the church that has been guiding the smugglers since the beginning. I'll let him do the reveal.

Oh. Um, hi.

Since our boi has gotten off to such a good start with his rebuild of the pyramid, Davos wanted Phystme (who tends to keep pretty silent with new initiates) to send him a quick attaboy:

Quote:

Dear Brother <LAD>:

It has been brought to My attention that you have recently applied to Our Church and are already hard at work on your Monument of Faith. While I normally leave such matters to My Regional Ministers, one of My Recruiting Directors, Reverend Robert (At least, that is how I think his name is spelled. It has some strange pronounciation that goes with it.) brought to My attention what you have accomplished in a very short period of time. Good for you, My Son!

Now, if I may give you a bit of advice from My years with Our Church, it is that many of My Flock ask Me about the size of your erection of the Monument of Faith. While it is very well established that the size of your monument is reflective upon the amount of faith you have, many of My Flock also ask Me if a TWAT should be more concerned with the height or with the girth of his erection. While I find the answer to that question varies from person to person, I frequently respond with My answer that, in general, bigger is almost always better.

I am not sure if Reverend Robert (or something like that) has yet been cleared to inform you, but We are currently in the planning phase for Our upcoming Financial Investment Redistribution Event, which many members of Our Church refer to as the FIRE conference. Since you still have time to complete your Monument of Faith prior to this FIRE, I certainly hope you will have the opportunity to meet with Me at the FIRE. Should your construction proceed as I anticipate it will, I may have a special surprise to share with you at that time.

My Seven Blessings to you, My Son!

Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2016 11:41 pm

Best d*ck references thus far! Smile

419Eater is my life Joined: 11 Sep 2015 Posts: 333

Padme wrote:

a doctor wrote:

Another cure is to drink one small sip of petrol, this helping cure many people over here.

ha! Any word on if he's tried your "cure" yet?

Just received message from Paule:

Quote:

Dear brother Ser David

I am sorry for not getting back to you, How are you and your family and wife,
Mr. Prosper told me that you have been asking about me ,I am not fine my brother because of my sickness I have done the thin that you told me to do the fuel ,But there was no any improvement ,

I cannot make it to the fire coming I did not even have the money to come

Thanks
Paule

Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2016 2:49 pm

We all know that he doesn't need a cure. But holy shit, he acknowledged that?

Awesome job D.

Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2016 3:59 pm

Our lad received Phystme's email and, boy, was he impressed. He responded back in less than an hour:

Quote:

My Seven Blessings to you the most highly Rev <PHYSTME>,

I am very happy to hear from you my lord ,I have hear about you before, from my friend paule and I have been waiting for the day that I will received your email and to met you in person ,

My lord in the next few days I will complete my Monument of Faith, Yes Rev Richard have told me about the coming fire and my lord I give you my world I will make it to the fire coming ,

Well, Phystme's a busy guy and doesn't have time to be pen-pals with every random initiate who starts poking around the TWAT. Still, such a good attitude deserves some praise:

Quote:

Seven Blessings to you, Brother <DAVOS>:

This Initiate is one of yours, isn't he? He seems very responsive and eager to join up with Us. Good job with this one, My Son.

If you will permit Me to give you some advice, I think you needs must ensure that you take him under your wing and guaranty his arriving at Our upcoming FIRE. As I hope you know, We greatly wish to expand Our presence in Africa, and breaking ground for a Celestial Cathedral will be a huge success for Us and, hence, for you.

Please see this through for Me, My Son, and I am sure that it shall improve your standing within Our Church.

And, just to make it clear that I have no idea who Davos's character is (even though we've worked together for years), I put his name in a different font (as if I copied it from some other document).

Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2016 4:45 pm

The results are in.

The onion smugglers want input from the community. We want to know two things. Have we earned a new icon? If not should we push for that icon or continue on? If the community denies the pretty pink pyramid I would rather sacrifice it for the pith.

Game of TWATs, As Far Away as Timbuktu	View next topic View previous topic