An incredibly dumb lad (And a sad story)

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Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2016 10:54 pm

^There's lazy and then there's this schlemiel.

He sent this email to Sophia twice, still trying to maintain his cover.

Quote:

hello my dear barrister

i just received your email right here in my palace, since i was born as am prince , to the day i was crown as a king i have never receive such insult from any one in my life, any time you send me an email you keep on insulting me ,and i keep on telling you that i do not need this kind of insult , i respect you as a barrister that you are, cant you give me back my respect? respect who i am,respect do not go by money or by age , is good to have respect for each other that can make us live long

well i just want you to understand that i am not that kind of person you think i am ,that makes you insult me all the time , i am a king and every one respect me i believe that one day we are going to see each other one on one i am a honest man and God fearing person so you have to give me my respect as a King

best regard

But the bartender is tired of the crap story.

Quote:

Dear Prince Poontang,

I do hope your weekend was pleasant. I trust things are going smoothly with my client? But I must tell you that while your hackneyed attempts to draw me into your make-believe scam story started out as mildly amusing, now you are merely being banal. Am therefore setting down a new rule. The next time you spew that gibberish at me via email or any other form of communication, my fee will increase to 40%. Try it a second time and my fee will raise to 50%. The third time you try your bilge water scam story on me, I will pull the plug on this enterprise and you will have lost the most complient victim you will ever come across. I highly recommend being honest with me instead. The terms "criminal", "scammer", "scumbag" and "small boy" will all suffice nicely. You will get extra points if you refer to yourself as "asshat" as I like that one in particular.

Good day and enjoy your $1400.

Evidently the dim bulb in his brain flickered because he sent this email to Clara three times.

Quote:

hello my dear queen i just received your email here in my palace i am so happy on what you say to me on email but i do not really understand the way you send the money can you pls send me the information of the money that you send so that this money can be pick up ok

you have to send the money by western union or money gram to the name i give to you send the money to ( [KEVIN MANILOW] )
Country Accra Ghana

And this masterpiece of brevity.

Quote:

hello my dear queen

can you pls get back to me now
i miss you so much

After a weekend of glorious shopping, Clara responds.

Quote:

My dear sweat King,

Oh my love I just returned from the most wonderful weekend shopping for my African holiday with you. I just had to go to London of curse because that's where all the best shops are. I have enough sexy sleepwear and naughty nightwear to wear a different outfit every night of my holiday! Am so exited to know that we will soon be together. We will have the best time getting to know ourselves!

But I don't understand what you mean when you say you don't understand me? I was very clear in my last letter? I followed your instructions exactly. You said to send the money to your agent in Acura Ghana and that is exactly what I did. But my dearest darling you never said anything about any western onion or money garm. I don't even know what those things are so
I put the cheque in an envelope then I put the information you gave me on the envelope then I paid for postage to have the envelope mailed to Mr. Kevin at address you gave me. There is no need for anyone to pick anything because the cheque will be deliver to you agent's door. That is how the postal service works for many years and there very trustworthy. The nice clark at the postal office said the cheque should arrive no later than three weeks from the day it was sent. So you see you have nothing to worry about.

Now am thinking about leaving for Ghana by early next week. I will probably not come straight their because I've never been to African before and my travel agent says I should visit some other places while am there. Do you think you could meet me somewhere? I'm told there are some wonderful things to see in places like Nigeria the Ivory Coast and Benin and I would love so much to have you as my guide. (I have no doubt those pesky "security concerns" will rear their ugly heads again. Rolling Eyes

)

Kisses and hope we can be together soon.

Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2016 2:09 pm

Lover boi has gone silent on me, too. So I sent him a poke.

Quote:

My dearest love,

I have been busily planning my African holiday to come and see you my love. But am beginning to worry since you have not writing to me after the weekend. Honey have you fallen ill? Did you injure yourself there in your palace? I need to hear from you my dear sweat love? I am trying to come up with a schedule but don't know where to visit first. There are just too many choices to choose from. Oh my love my darling I hunger for your touch. Why have you not writting to me?

Please write soonest?
Your loving faithful Clara

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

I was wrong. It was less than a month

Quote:

Hello Mr William

Listen i don't like the way you are talking with me and am not happy and why are you insulting me and you know is not my fault because i paid for all the necessary documents to enable him deliver the product to you without any problem and the agent want you to send just ticket money to enable come immediately and you are insulting me please stop that fucking statement okay.

The agent can still meet up with you as soon you send the $2,000 dollars immediately to his name and this is the payment information

Receivers Name : Kxxx Mxxxxx
Country : Accra Ghana
Amount :$2,000

I hope to hear from you with the payment information

Best Regards

I reply. I have not given up trying to get the vic his $5000 back

Quote:

I really do not care if you are fucking happy or not. I spent over 5000 to fly to Africa to purchase gold and berullium from you and you did not fucking show up when you promised you would. I think you are a criminal. YOU stole 5000 from Mr. David and you had the fucking nerve to give him as a reference. If you want to prove to me that you are for real send him his 5000 back and I will fly down to Ghana to purchase your gold from you. If you do not want to do that, FUCK OFF

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2016 3:21 pm

^Well, he won't be getting the money to pay his vic back from Clara any time soon.

I can just see the smoke curling out of his ears as he works to stay on script. Laughing

To Sophia.

Quote:

Hello Sophia

Listen and i want you to understand what you are saying it's really puffed me up right now and i am really angry with you from the depth of my heart for insulting me because i want to do good business with your client and let this be the last warning and never insult me in your entire life again and never take me for a fool okay and am just trying to make you understand the reason why i accepted to give you 10% for any amount of product your client purchase and if you are not ready to accept that 10% you are free to cancer the transaction okay because am not begging you okay and why will you deduct $400 dollars from the $2,000 for the ticket money which you know is very wrong because that money is for ticket not for the product okay.

I told you i will only afford 10% of total kilo your client purchase and we have not even deliver to product yet and you are deducting $400 dollars from ticket money and i want you to add the $400 dollars back to your client to enable her send the full $2,000 dollars immediately okay and i never accept 20% with you and you are making me get angry right now because you are delaying this transaction and am not happy with you and if you don't want us to do business it's right time you cancer this transaction now,

Best Regards

Sophia is curt in her reply.

Quote:

Dear Count Craptastic,

In case I did not make myself clear, let me repeat myself. I could not care less how you feel about anything. You will find the answers to your idiotic questions by going back and reading my emails until you understand them.

My fee forhelping you maintain your feeble cover story with my client is now 40%

Cheers.

Meanwhile, lover boi isn't feeling the love.

Quote:

Hello My Sweet lovely Queen

Actually i saw your email and i was very sad about everything you did and i gave you the information my agent gave to me that you should the money through western union or money gram and why can't you ask me if you don't understand the instructions i gave you and you went to post the money through post office which is not the instruction i gave you and you have to go back and withdraws the cheque back (Yeah, the postal service does that ALL the time. Rolling Eyes

) and cash the money and send through western union or money gram okay because the agent is ready to move any moment that he can't wait for three weeks before leaving to your country with the product okay.

And you have to send money through this information again okay

Receivers Name : [Kevin Manilow]
Country : Accra Ghana
Amount : $2,000 dollars

My love i wait to hear from you with the payment information

Best Regards

So Clara gives him some lovin'.

Quote:

My dearest lovely king,

I read your emails again and sure enough you did mention this western onion thing. I guess I just forgot in all the excitement. But my love I don't understand why you would be so upsettled. The postal service always delivers the letters I send and you are a wealthy King. Surely you can wait a week or two for such a small amount as compared to your richness? So stop being such a gloomy Gus! Besides am not happy with you for ignoring my questions about my visit. How about this idea my honey boney? You help me with my African holliday and I will ask the nice clark at the postal office what can be done about the letter I sent. Doesn't that sound like a good idea? Of course it does my snoogy woogums! Tell me do you like pink or light green more?

All my love and kisses,
Clara

Wyoming Double Glazed Joined: 11 Mar 2016 Posts: 367

Make me think of this song..

Wasn't me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qv5fqunQ_4I

Posted: Sat Apr 09, 2016 3:40 pm

Lover boi tries to balance love with greed.

Quote:

My love the only thing i want you to do right now is for you to go and collect the letter and cash the money immediately and send to my agent to enable him take the available flight to your country with the product and the reason am telling you this is because we have already prepare all the traveling document and with date of traveling because i don't want any document got expired before coming okay and the agent is worried because he has other movement to deliver to others customers okay.

And i have told you i will personal invite you to come down to my country and visit my palace and take you round Ghana to beautiful places you never imagine to see and i have told my chief cabinet about you and my plan for us to get marry and i don't want you to rush because i am still waiting for the gods (That's gonna come back to bite him) for clear understanding because no one visit the palace without consulting the gods if your coming will bring happiness to my kingdom or problem okay and as soon we heard from the chief priest then i will let you know okay.

You don't know how much you mean to my heart because i have create wide space in my heart just for you alone to stay forever and hold me tight to your self as my queen okay

Please kindly send the $2,000 today or tomorrow to enable the agent move on Monday without any delay okay.

I love you waiting for good new

But he has two strikes against him as far as Clara is concerned.

Quote:

You claim to love me and yet you do not seem to care about anything I want or need. I want to believe that you love me so because I hope you are not the callous, uncaring ogre you seem to be I checked with the postal clark who told me that the letter cannot be recalled. You will simply have to wait. If that small problem is too much for your kingliness I suppose I could ask Ms. Sophia to put a stop payment on the cheque and we could start over.

In case you would like to know, I will be flying out of Heathrow airport next Wednesday. My first stop will be in Freetown, Sierra Leone and it would make my heart glad for any advise you can give me while am there. From there I will travel tp Liberia then Ivory Coast. Your responds to my emails will help me decide whether or not I come to visit you when I reach Ghana.

I truly love you and want to be with you always and buy your gold and I don't understand why you are being so mean.

With love,
Clara

Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2016 2:24 pm

It seems King Ralph got a little hot under the collar. He sent this to Sophia three times.

Quote:

Hello Sophia

I want to know why are you fooling yourself in regards to your words and behavior and how will i believe you are a lawyer without manners of speech? and listen i have taking this insult enough and your dubious character you exabyte ( Shocked

) in this transaction and i am informing you this transaction is hereby cancer and i want you to inform your client okay and for the first place i don't even know you and i'm not ready to do business with you and your client anymore okay.

I don't even know if you thought you are God i don't even know and let me tell you something the Government of Netherlands knows me and we have traded for almost 4 years now with huge amount of goods and i have never saw such things before so look for someone else and never contacted me anymore

The good barrister is suitably impressed.

Quote:

Dear Barron Baboon,

My apologies for the late reply. I simply refuse to deal with emails on the weekend. So good to know you have friends in the Netherlands government. I have friends in Parliament who should prove quite helpful in verifying your story. And I never said I was God. I said I was "like God" in that we both can see you for the lying scoundrel that you are.

I knew you were a stupid even by scammer standards but now am I learning of the true depths of your mental deficiency. I issued your cheque as per my offer, thus absolving me of any further responsibility in the matter. If you are too stupid to figure out how to get your hands on the money then you have no businnes referring to yourself as anything other that an incompetent jakass. Either way it is your problem not mine.

Your request that I inform my client that you are too stupid and lazy to continue scamming her is deny. However I must ask if your both stupid and insane? This woman loves you. All she talks about is how she is going to see you and be with you. And most importantly she has access to a ton of cash that she wants to share with you. But if you are set on breaking Mrs. Clara's heart and flushing a literal fortune down the toilet the burden of that incomprehensibly idiotic move falls to Y.O.U.

My only question at this point is will you insist on continuing to cry like a little girl who has lost her dolly or do you wish to make millions of dollars from my client with your phony gold sales? As for me, am sure I can find another scammer with enough wit to play it smart even if you do not. Perhaps you would be so kind as to put me in touch with your Oga? I'm sure he would have enough intelligence to hndle such a simple business venture.

My fee is now 50% but you can bring it done by pulling on your big boy panties and being honest with me.

Cheers.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

I am still in contact with the vic, and he sent me this

Quote:

For your information, he is still trying to call me. Once, he even blamed me for telling you that I have made the payment of the $5,000 to him. My reply to him was that I was telling you the fact. I then put down my phone.

Hope you are successful in your dealings with him.

Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2016 3:58 pm

I was in contact with him, but now I've lost access to all my inbox.com email accounts. So I'm a bit stymied at the moment. Can someone PM me his email address so I can get on with paying for his technician to come visit?

thanks

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

^^ Sent. I messed up on my first pm and sent you the kidney lad. The Gold lad is on my second pm. Feel free to deal pain to both of them.

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2016 4:49 pm

^^I'd love to see this lad put through some more pain!

Lover boi finally mounts an offensive. He sent Sophia's last email back to her without comment while forwarding it to Clara with the following question.

Quote:

hello my queen can you please tell me the meaning of this email that your barrister send to me?

He also sent this message to Clara. Obviously he is still lives in a world where you can just go to the post office a tell them to return a letter and they will wave their magic wand to make it happen. Rolling Eyes

Note: Either this came from a different lad or this one's grammar gets REALLY bad when he is stressed.

Quote:

hello my Queen

i just receive your email right here in my palace i do not know the reason why you can not listing to me my queen [b]i told you i do not need you to come yet because i have to put thins norther write here in my palace

my queen you need to understand that i want the best for you am not seeing you as a serous business woman because all that you have told me i can not get it,1 you told me that you send money by post office instead of bank, 2 you All so told me that you send 1,400 by post office to my Agent name in Ghana 3 your lawyer take from the money i ask you to send to my Agent why? and now you are telling me you are coming to see me in Ghana please do not take my pace of time for granted i can see that you are playing with me

my queen do you really know who i am ? why are you keep on telling me something that have no meaning to my knowledge now my Agent as travel to US for a new business over there and is going to stay there for two months so if you want to send the money as we plan together you let me know i will directer you how to make the payment so you go to the post office and take back your money

In any case, Clara is in travel mode. But she does her best.

Quote:

This massage will be short because I have been packing all day in preparation for my flight tomorrow. Oh, my love, amn so happy that we can finally meet! And don't worry because I won't be there until the week after next. Surely you can make arrangements to meet me by that time? If not I will simply visit your Country and return home feeling sad that you could not meet with me.

Why are you being so silly with your questions? I have all ready told you why I sent your cheque through the mail and why the cheque is for $1400. My dearest love, you never mentioned sending the money through the bank until just now. Should I tell my lawyer to put a stop payment on the cheque and send the money by bank transfer? Is that what you want? (Yes, I'm trolling for a piggy, here) I don't know know what you menat that am not serious business woman. I am not a business women at all. My late husband handled all the business and now my lawyer does it under my supervising. I thought you understood that?

Well, am off to soak in a hot tub before bed. I don't understand this massage you say is from my barrister? I think you are playing with me because that email is not signed with her name and she always puts her name on all her emails. Besides, I know she would never write such things to anyone, especially a King.

Your dearest love,
Clara

PS. I will be travelling with enough cash to pay for your man to fly anyplace you want to send him. But if you don't want to meet me then I understand you are not serious about our relationship.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

I sent him the following

Quote:

Hey buttass. I want to let you know that I have reported you to the International Gold Sellers Union as a thief and a scammer. I rue the day I ever met you and wish you a horrible death. So chew on that motherfucker.

So feel free to ask him what his rating is with the IGSU

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2016 3:58 pm

^ That should be fun. Twisted Evil

Lover boi is slow to respond, again, but Clara is on holiday so she just soldiers on.

Quote:

My dearest Lovely King,

Hello from Sierra Leone! How are you doing my love? Today am relaxing on the beach and hoping to get over this jet lag but am thinking of you always. Mostly am thinking about how much I miss you and wish you were here with me. I know you would love it. The people are friendly, the weather is sunny and the beaches are beautiful. I just know they would give you the royal treatment here? Tomorrow I will go to an island were they have pygmy hipotomases and the next day I will be going to a chimpanze preserve! Oh my dearest is there anything else you think I should see while am here?

Am loving it here but it would be so much more better to have you here with me.
All my love,
Clara.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

I think he is done with me. Too bad, but his last line made me laugh out loud.

Quote:

too bad of you OK is you that is scammer. you need my gold and you can not pay money for my agent to come to you too bad

you are a bad man

Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2016 2:29 pm

Clara sent this poke.

Quote:

Hello my beautiful King,

Am worried my dearest since you have not writing to me while am here in Sierra Leone. I hope you are well there in your palace. My love I have had the most wonderful time these past days! First I went to the island where they have pigmy hippos. They are so cute but I don't think they are very small. To me they are quite big. It was great fun to watch them swim around in the water tho. Then I went to the chimpanze preserve. They are wonderful creatures and we even saw a baby! My dearest love I wish so much I could have a baby with you but I can't imagine our baby would be any cuter than the one I saw at the preserve. It was so cute! Don't worry my love because I am taking lots of pictures for you to see when I arrive. I hope you are ready to send your agent to my house when I come to your Country because I still have enough money with me to give you for that even though I will be doing lots of shopping between now and then.

Be a good king my sweats and please write to me so I know you are ok.

King Midas sent this in response.

Quote:

Hello my sweet Queen

i really missed you so much but i am not happy with you by your too much disappoint , you disappoint me to much , i told you time to time that i will invite you to my Palace when all arrangement have been made , you told me that you are a business woman you want to do Gold business with me, i accept you as my business partner and at the same time as my wife to be. you give my email to your barrister some one who do not know my what, she talk to me on email the way she like, i get to understand that both of us are not made and are not in the same category , i dont really know why your barrister do not have respect for Human bean

Look , my Queen am a honest person so you have to be honest with me, i was very busy today in my palace because i am with my business men over here in my palace ,that is why i was sending you this email for the late hour in my time, please if you are serious to do business with me let me know , i do not have time to wast i use my time for important thing because i am a serious business man Rolling Eyes

Please get back to me with a good reason

Clara responds as she is waiting for her flight to Liberia.

Quote:

My dearest love,

Sometimes I think you get the silliest ideas into your head my honey boney. All I ever said was that I wanted to buy some gold from you preferebly in wafers or medallions. And this is the first time you have mentioned my been a partner in your business? Am not quite sure what to say aboot that. Well anyway I wanted to tell you aboot my day yesterday. My driver and I had the darndest time finding an Anglican church. We drove around Freetown for what seemed like hours until I just decided to go shopping! Oh my heart am going to miss this beautiful Country. But am told Liberia is nice too. I hope so because my plane leaves in aboot an hour.

Please don't stress aboot my coming to Ghana. If you are too busy for me I will be sad but will understand. I guess I was right aboot you been too good for a poor widow. Now I have sent the letter you said was from my attorney to Ms. Sophia and asked her aboot it and she said she never sent any such email so you are either making this up or her email has being harked and just in case she is having her computer checked.

I love you and hope you will have time for me next week.

ETA: King Midas just sent this saccharine nugget to Clara. I think it finally sunk in that Miss. C. is carrying lots of cash.

Quote:

Good Day my Queen Clara

Actually i am the most happiest man on earth due to your email i received and you always looking charming in your profile pics and it's really driving me crazy and i hope you are doing well and i pray to God to send you some guarding Angels to always protecting you and i know very soon everything will be fine.i love you so much

Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2016 2:45 pm

Clara's attorney gets back to King Midas. It seems something isn't right, but fortunately a phone call has put things back on track. Spoiler alert: The King has not spoken with Sophia over the phone. Wink

Quote:

Until you sent this last email message back to me, the things you were writing were making very little sense. And it seemed the situation was only becoming worse. With this new information, however, I can see that there has been some mix up in our communications. Our firm's IT technician has been looking into just what may be going on and has offered a few theories. The first is that you are lying, which I doubt but we are looking into the possibility just to be safe (this will come back to bite our boi). The second is that you may suffer from some sort of mental or emotional illness. Again, we agree that this possibility is probably remote - especially given our recent telephone conversation - but can not yet rule it out completely. I'm sure you understand. The last and obviously most likely scenario is the one or both of our emails have been hack. As good as our IT technician is, he tells me finding out who is behind this hack and how they did it will take time. For now, I've changed my password and I suggest you do the same. Hopefully this will suffice in keeping those criminals out of our business.

In the meantime I have sent Miss Clara your way with a tidy sum of money. That woman does love to shop. But then who doesn't? I trust you will take good care of her as per our conversation over the phone. I hope you will keep your promise to Meet her in Liberia and see to her safety and enjoyment.

Posted: Wed Apr 20, 2016 8:39 pm

The king hasn't been hit with a big enough clue bat, yet.

Quote:

hello my Darling Queen

each time i get your email you get me so much confused i told you some time that you don`t have to come now ,i have to make some arrangement for you to come to me in my Palace but i don`t know why you seen to misunderstand me,i am making arrangement for your coming but before them i really know about a woman that is coming to my Palace to be my Queen

this are the reason why i ask you to send the little money to my Agent for him to bring the little kilo of Gold to your country

get back to me

Fortunately, Agent Feathers is on the job!

Quote:

My dearest love,

Don, Don, don. I love saying your name my heart. Well I've been in Monrovia for a few days now. I spent Monday doing some shopping. I think I'm getting the hang of this haggling thing. But it is still hard for me to work toward pushing the price of something I want to buy up instead of down. Things in African are definitely different! Anyways yesterday we went to see a beautiful blue lake and today I visited a lovely national park. My sweat there are so many beautiful colorful places here! I think I will be happy living with you in your palace.

I am concerned about you my honey bear. You seem to have large mood swings which an be a sign of mental or emotional problems. I hope your not one of those maniac depressive people. But if that is the cause am sure our love will be stronger. my sweat love I have been thinking aboot our children. Even though I am past child bearing years we can adopt children for our family. I want to name the first child Don after you. What do you think my love?

Oh before I forget I want to thank you for sending your agent to meet me here in Liberia. Agent Feathers seems like such a dear that am sure we will get along famously. We will be meeting tomorrow for lunch and drinks on the beach. I can't wate!

All my love for you,
Clara.

For some reason, Sophia's explanation email really set the king off. Shocked

Quote:

i am going to understand that you going mad gradually you must be a mad woman for you sending me this kind of email you must be a mad woman ,look any time you want to send an email to me with out no respect do not send it and i am not here for your insult (wanna bet booby?), i want you to understand that i am a serious business man and i am not that type of man you think i am okay i am an honest man Rolling Eyes

and stop joking with me on email

i will be waiting to hear from you and try to change your attitude and be a good woman

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Feathers sends an email taunting the king

Quote:

howdy pardna my name is feathers and i work for the snorky boys gang yu hav probably herd of us as we are one of the top gangs in da world da clara woman now belongs to the snorkys we makes lots of mony off lazee peple lik yu so kepe being lazee dumbshit and kepe making snorky boys mony

bahahahah

Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2016 2:30 pm

It looks like the King got a little hot under the collar.

Quote:

hello my QUEEN

I RECEIVE YOUR EMAIL AND I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEAN ON THIS EMAIL ,I DO NOT SEND AN AGENT IN LIBERIA ,MY AGENT IS RIGHT HERE IN MY PALACE
YOU HAVE TO BE SERIOUS WITH ME (nuh-uh!),YOU HAVE TO STOP MAKING ANGRY WITH YOU EMAIL OKAY

But his agent has made sure he has nothing to worry about.

Quote:

My dearest love and King,

Well is done my love. I know you will ne pleased because I sent your agent Mr. Feathers back to your palace with the $2000 you asked for plus another $5000 earnest money toward my next purchase. Isn't that wonderful? Am so happy we can be together now. But mu dearest why did you write such aweful things to my barrister? Ms. Sophia has been nothing but helpful to me through all of this. She was the one who encouraged me to make this trip and made sure I had the money to give to your agent and you are saying things to made her feel bad. I was starting to think you are one of those maniac depressed people but Mr. Feathers said you are just moody. He also said you like to play a little joke by pretending you don't know him. So don't worry about a thing my love. So you see you have nothing to be angry about. Am leaving for Ivory Coast in the morning and won't be coming to Ghana until you want me to. As for your little joke it just makes me love you more.

You are always in my heart,
Clara.

In the meantime, the king is encouraging Sophia to look more closely into his business dealings.

Quote:

Dear Sir,

I'm not sure what you are playing at. Do you always insult people who are trying to facilitate business relations with you? I thought a person such as yourself would appreciate our efforts to get to the bottom of the current state of affairs. Had it not been for your agent Mr. Feathers' efforts on your behalf you would be in very much trouble. It is very fortunate for you that he explained your lack of a certain mental capacity to grasp the complexities involved with email hacking. I had been going to send you the transcripts of my original emails so that you could compare them with whatever the hacker sent you. But now I'm not sure I care to make the effort anymore as I'm sure it would be wasted at this point. I am however going to take you up on your offer to check with the Belgian government given how you have proven to be so insulting. I shall be attending a State dinner on Saturday evening where the Belgian Ambassador will also be in attendance. The perfect opportunity to enquire about you I should think. I have also sent an enquiry to the International Gold Sellers Union to find out what your standing is with them.

Good day,

Sophia Townsend, esq.

Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2016 3:04 pm

For some reason the King is short on words.

Quote:

oh now i see too bad of you OK my agent name is not Mr. Feathers
and you do not send money to no 1

Good thing for him Clara is understanding and supportive!

Quote:

My dearest love and King,

My experience with people who are prone to these foul moods like you are in now is to be as kind and supportive as I can while you sort things out so that is what I will do. But you must understand that as much as my love for you grows each day I am concerned by your response when things are going so well for us my love. So I will first explain my actions again in hopes that you will be able to celebrate our success rather than doing all this sulking then I will tell you about what am doing in Ivory Coast or Cote d'Ivoire as they like to call it here.

I did send a cheque to the name and address you gave me but that was weeks ago. I am very grateful to you for telling me that the name and address I sent the first cheque to was to no one although it would have been nice if you had said something before now. I had Ms. Sophia put a stop payment on it so it hopefully would not fall into the wrong hands. I guess you were just in one of your moods like you are now when you supplied that information. Anyway I think you will agree it is a good thing your agent Mr. Feathers came and picked my cheque in person so there would be no mixups this time.

Oh my love Abidjan is a beautiful city! Do you have anything like it in your Kingdom? And they have no less than eight national parks in Cote d'Ivoire (Am not sure I will ever get use to saying that name!) Of course I won't need to go to the one with pigmy hippos in it because I've already seen some of those but they have another one with lions and leopards to aardvarks and elephants. I can't weight! And of coarse they have lots of beautiful beaches. I was hoping you might have some advise for me since Ivory Coast is right next door to Ghana but I would rather weight until your mood has improved.

Sleep well my love and let me know when that nice Mr. Feathers arrives with your $7000

All my love and kisses,
Clara.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Feathers sends him a taunt

Quote:

howdy pardna??? i gots da 7000 from da clara woman she al most as stopid as yu is kepe up da god wok and kepe making da moy for da snorky boys my king of gana

i am feathers and i am yur wors enema

bahahahahahah

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2016 9:15 pm

Lover boi was being quiet but that didn't stop Clara.

Quote:

Hello My Dearest Love,

My hunny, I went to the national park with the pigmy hippos today. I know i said I wasn't going to go there but they are so cute I couldn't resist! Do you think we could have one as a pet in your palace my King? It would be ever so wonderful don't you think so too? This Country is so beautiful it makes me want to see you and your Country even more! I miss you and love you so much my little hunny boo-boo bare that am sad when you don't sen me sweat loving words like you use to. Well they tell me there is a big Catholic cathedral here so I think I will go there tomorrow at least for a little while. Even if it is for a different denomination I just fill more better if I go to church on Sunday. What about you? You said you had to speak to your gods. How many gods do you believe in my sweat and prickly pear? I am only belive in one God but I think its so cute that you speak to lots of little ones! It seems like that would be lots of fun. Is it? Well am off to watch the sunset on the beach.

Bye bye. I love you and hop to read from you soon.

All my love and I hope you are filling more better now,
Clara.

He finally got off his rear end and sent this twice.

Quote:

hello my queen

i am now getting to understand that you do not really know who you are joking with i can not really understand what is going on with you over there,and who is this man Mr. Feathers ?

is true that i really love you so much but i do not know the kind of person you are really, i will love to have your telephone number now so that i can speak with you on phone

get back to me with your phone number

And Clara chatters on.

Quote:

My dearest love,

I spent another day shopping getting ready for another national park adventure. I will be leaving in the morning for an overnight visit to Comoë National Park and from there I will go to Yamoussoukro where there is supposed to be a market for great shopping. My honey am sad that you refuse to talk to me about these wonderful places in african. I know you don't want me to come visit you now but you could still help me and enjoy this trip with me in other ways. Does Ivory Coast have a King too? I hope I get to meet him!

My sweat King I would be happy to give you my phone number but why do you want it now? I am not at home to take your calls my love because am still in African. I guess you could call and leave me a massage. Is that what you want to do?

And it hurts me very bad when you say you don't know anything aboot me! You know that am a widow and that my late husband was very wealthy and left his wealth in a Trust so I would always live comfortably and take fun trips like this one. You also know that the Trustee for the Trust is my dear attorney Sophia Townsend. You know that I have worked very hard to buy some of your gold including paying extra money to you agent Mr. Feathers. And you know that you are the owner of my heart. If there is anything you want to know you just have to ask. And that reminds me to ask if you will please send me your picture so I can know what you look like? It would be ever so wonderful if you could send me a picture of you sitting on your throne wearing your crown and robes of office. I wouldn't ask except my friends at the bridge club didn't believe me when I said I was in love with a real King.

Oh that reminds me. I am beginning to worry my honey boo-boo because you are still saying that you don't know Mr. Feathers. I understand inside jokes although I've never had one myself. But if you are telling me the truth then someone named Mr. Feathers just stole your money and that's just awful! What are you going to do about that? I think that as King you need to send some of your soldiers to arrest him right away.

I love you and think about you every minute,
Clara.

He sent a similar email to Sophia.

Quote:

hello

i am now getting to understand that you do not really know who you are joking with i can not really understand what is going on with you over there,and who is this man Mr. Feathers ?

get back to me with your phone number

Sophia responds.

Quote:

Dear Mr. Quame,

I can assure you that we take computer hacking and security very seriously here. Therefore, if anyone is joking, it is you. You claim not to know Mr. Feathers but he knows a great deal about you, so either you are lying about your relationship to him or he has gained access to your personal information by nefarious means. At present, I am uncertain which is the truth but you may be assure that I will get to the bottom of this even if I have to go all the way to the top.

Now, about my telephone number. I am afraid that only goes to family, friends, clients and prospective clients. Since you are not a member of my family, my friend or my client, am I to understand that you wish to retain my services? If not then acquiescing to your demand is out of the question. Mr. Feathers was somehow able to obtain it, perhaps you could get it from him?

Regards,

Sophia Townsend, Esq.

Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2016 3:04 pm

I haven't heard back from the king, but Sophia keeps her word and sends him a progress report.

Quote:

Dear Mr. Quame,

The results of my investigation into your claims are beginning to come in and I felt it only proper to keep you apprised of the results as I promised. I must tell you, Sir, that the information I have received thus far do not support your claim to be a reputable gold dealer; quite the contrary in fact. The Belgian government disavows any knowledge of ever having met you. Barclay's Bank has never heard of you, nor has the World Gold Organisation. What is more, the International Gold sellers Union mentioned that there records indicate several complains against you for failing to deliver gold after purchase had been arranged.

As disturbing as this news has been, however, I am still waiting to hear back from several more bullion banks and gold organisations. Is there anyone to whom you can direct me for some positive feedback? If not, I am afraid I will be force to recommend that my client Miss Clara cease alldealings with you forthwith, once she returns to a place with internet coverage.

Regards,
Sophia Townsend, Esq.

Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2016 4:23 pm

Oops! I forgot to post this email from Clara on 25 April.

Quote:

My dearest love,

I spent another day shopping getting ready for another national park adventure. I will be leaving in the morning for an overnight visit to Comoë National Park and from there I will go to Yamoussoukro where there is supposed to be a market for great shopping. My honey am sad that you refuse to talk to me about these wonderful places in african. I know you don't want me to come visit you now but you could still help me and enjoy this trip with me in other ways. Does Ivory Coast have a King too? I hope I get to meet him!

My sweat King I would be happy to give you my phone number but why do you want it now? I am not at home to take your calls my love because am still in African. I guess you could call and leave me a massage. Is that what you want to do?

And it hurts me very bad when you say you don't know anything aboot me! You know that am a widow and that my late husband was very wealthy and left his wealth in a Trust so I would always live comfortably and take fun trips like this one. You also know that the Trustee for the Trust is my dear attorney Sophia Townsend. You know that I have worked very hard to buy some of your gold including paying extra money to you agent Mr. Feathers. And you know that you are the owner of my heart. If there is anything you want to know you just have to ask. And that reminds me to ask if you will please send me your picture so I can know what you look like? It would be ever so wonderful if you could send me a picture of you sitting on your throne wearing your crown and robes of office. I wouldn't ask except my friends at the bridge club didn't believe me when I said I was in love with a real King.

Oh that reminds me. I am beginning to worry my honey boo-boo because you are still saying that you don't know Mr. Feathers. I understand inside jokes although I've never had one myself. But if you are telling me the truth then someone named Mr. Feathers just stole your money and that's just awful! What are you going to do about that? I think that as King you need to send some of your soldiers to arrest him right away.

I love you and think about you every minute,
Clara.

No response, so a love-lorn Clara writes a tearful email.

Quote:

My dearest King,

What has happened my love? I hope you are not still in your fowl mood because of my visit to African? My sweat love I am so sad you have not writing to me here that I am crying so hard while I write this to you. Am now in Yamooseukrow after spending two days in Canoe National Park. my honey love it was such a magical place that I stayed an extra day! Do you have any National Parks in Ghana? I hope so. It would be ever so wonderful if you could share such a wonderful place with me my love.

Have you arrested that Mr. Feathers yet? I hope so if he is the thief you say he is. I couldn't put a stop payment on the cheque I gave him because it was a cashier's cheque. Please write me my beautiful man because I still have not being able to buy some gold from you and I want to meet you and be with you so much? Maybe I will surprise you and come to see you when am finished visiting Ivory Coast because I know you love me and want to spend time with me too.

All my love and wishes,
Clara.

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

Clara could always visit Mole National Park in the north of Ghana. Perhaps her King could meet her there? Lol

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