Office Space Raqqa... filling out TPS reports for the Caliph

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2016 1:51 pm

Just a little fun facebook chat for fellow Office Space fans. My character Ayman is in ISIS middle management and chatting with a "US soldier."

Army Lad
Where are you right now?
Ayman
raqqa
Army Lad
you live alone
Ayman
I have a meeting with our leader later and I have to complete my TPS reports.
Army Lad
how about your Men ?
Ayman
What about them?
Army Lad
what's TPS?
I'm asking about their well being
Ayman
They are operational reports. Our Caliph is obsessed with them
Every monday he complains if the TPS reports are not in order. I hate it.
He stands over me drinking a cup of coffee and complains.
Army Lad
hahah
Is he s Syrian?
Ayman
No. He is Iraqi
Army Lad
Oh I see
but here in Syria too?
Ayman
Yes, he spends his time in Raqqa and Mosul both.
Army Lad
Do you also have Syrians and Africans among the ISIL?
Ayman
Yes brother, of course
Army Lad
he must be a very wealthy man
Ayman
We even have Americans
Army Lad
I know of that
Ayman
I love all of my brothers, except one Akhi named Milton.
Army Lad
Miton,,what about him?
Milton
Ayman
He looks like a troll and is always complaining because he does not like the space where he works.
Army Lad
American too?
Ayman
Yes.
I think he started a fire on purpose.
Army Lad
What Space does he work ?
He started a fire at who?
Ayman
At his station where he was supposed to assemble weapons
Army Lad
Oh i see
You just have to careful of him though
Ayman
I agree brother.
Army Lad
His he Among your men ?
Ayman
Yes
Army Lad
Alright
Are all your men from USA ?
Ayman
No, not at all.
Army Lad
Okay
Ayman
Should I kill him?
Army Lad
I think you should before he does something you will never thought of
Ayman
That is so possible. He is a sneaky bastard.
Army Lad
That's from the way i see him,brother
Ayman
He acts meak, but he will kill without thinking even his allies
Army Lad
hmm
Be Vigilant and careful
Where is he at the Moment
from NYC too?
Ayman
No, he is from California
Army Lad
Ok
don't you think he is jealous too?
Ayman
I do akhi!
He always complains that my working area is nicer than his.
Army Lad
That's jealousy and envy bro
just have to kill him,before he kills you
Ayman
Yes.
ibn kalb I want to staple his head to his desk!
ibn swingline

Army Lad
I don't get you please?
Ayman
I am insulting him.
Army Lad
Oh i see
where is he at the moment ?
Ayman
at his desk of course.
I am in the lab and I can see him....
I want to make him coffee and put some chemicals in it
Army Lad
9:11am
Army Lad
yea..that's ok
I think you should,,my instinct tells me he has bad intention towards you
Brother,,I have to go right now
I'm so hungry and needs some food to eat right now
Ayman
oh by god.....
I need to tell you what just happened.
Army Lad
Okay
Just say
Ayman
Caliph Ibrahim called me!
About some work we have been doing... he knows we do not have as many people because of all of the coalition airstrikes.
Army Lad
What then happen ?
Brb brother
please Okay,,just be careful and stay safe
Ayman
He asked about some things our team is doing... they have been working for weeks straight... then at the end of the call he says, ah, I almost forgot... I'm also going to need you to go ahead and come in on Sunday, too. He knows we have this day planned for wives and sabes.
Army Lad
hahaha
Ayman
yes
I ask him why he needs this and can not wait and he says we lost some people this week and we sorta need to play catch-up.... WTF akhi?
Army Lad
ok
Ayman
ok, ok what?
you sound like him with all of this ok business... he always says that,,, mmmkay
Army Lad
hahaha
just hungry brother
Ayman
mkay but I am frustrated.
Army Lad
sorry about that bro
Ayman
shukrun akhi
Army Lad
I never mean it that way
??
shukrun akhi
?
Ayman
It means, thank you my brother.
Army Lad
Aright
Ayman
Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice.
Army Lad
how do you mean ?
Ayman
Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you would do if you had a million dollars and didn't have to work. And invariably, whatever you'd say, that was supposed to be your career. So if you wanted to fix old cars, then you're supposed to be an auto mechanic...
Army Lad
don't worry just have to be careful and all wi be fine
yea sure
Ayman
I never had an answer... maybe that's why I ended up at ISIS
Army Lad
well,you will be fine
will you ever go back to USA?
Ayman
Ever since I started jihad, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life. frown emoticon
Akhi, between us, we have some operational problems in isis
Army Lad
What kind of problems?
Don't you want to get out of it ??
Ayman
that is a good question brother.
Army Lad
I will be very happy for you if you get out of it?
Ayman
Well, for one thing, I think we waste too much time on reports.
Army Lad
yes
I wil be very glad to see you back in USA
Ayman
And we have too many regional commanders. One jihadist complained to me that he has to report to eight people in the firld
Army Lad
Why bro?
Ayman
well, that is a good question
Maybe I will send Milton on a martyrdom operation
Army Lad
yea
you should
Ayman
ok brother... go eat. I'll let you know what I do wtih him later.