The Path of a TWAT -- Pastor Omar's tale of woe

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Posted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 10:48 pm

At this point, Jojo and I decided to move into classic good cop-bad cop mode with Omar.

Ben wrote:

You are welcome. We really want to get this whole situation wrapped up. It has taken way too long. I was hoping, by now, to have you over here in America working with us. But because of the debacle in Chad, it has been delayed.

Omar, if I tell you some things about what your position here will be like, can you keep it a secret? Please don't mention it to Phystme. You aren't supposed to know exactly the details of your work package. But I just got the final draft of what your contract will be. It's an amazing contract.

I have some exciting news... Anita has been found! She's okay! She isn't home yet, but within the next week, she should return. I am so happy! You have no idea. Would you like her to contact you when she returns? I know you two were best of friends.

Omar wrote:

Hello!

Thanks alots and its such an amazing news to know that Anita has been
found, but can you tell precisely where she is now?

I had like her to contact me immediately she arrives home and that
will be so wonderful to hear from her again after a long while of
silence and horrible experiences. I know she will be upset with me but
expects her to try and understands my position as well in the outcome
of events.

I wouldn't mind if you gladly share with me the content of my contract
package and all that it entails, be sure that my lips are sealed and
no one gets to know about it at all!

Awaits your prompt response!

Your Son!

Ben wrote:

I'll write you soon. Anita has arrived home and we are celebrating her return. Rev Phystme informed me he is chatting with you, so I hope my absence is understood. I've been spending every second with that girl I can.

Omar, I'm so happy. Smile

Omar wrote:

That's great news! I awaits your mail.

Ben wrote:

Anita said she would contact you soon. She is excited to talk again. But she is getting adjusted to being back home. She said she missed you and that your friendship meant so much and sometimes thoughts of you kept her going.

Okay, please don't tell Phystme I told you about this. You are not supposed to know the details of your employment package until you've completed your induction. Here is what the church board voted on for you.

Standard African TWAT payment- $200,000
CLIT inductee payment- $250,000
Annual salary (years 1-2)- $75,000
Annual salary (years 3-5)- $100,00 + bonus
Monthly car allowance- $500
Monthly technology allowance- $250
Monthly insurance $500
Monthly travel expenses- up to $1000

There are a few more details. But, the main thing is that we plan to have you in America within a year or so, if you want.

You have an option to have an assistant for a few months. Would Anita work for you? She would be there to help you with anything. Laundry. Phone calls. Whatever. She still wants to help you.

More to come -- I hope to post the correspondence between Phystme and Omar later this evening.

05/29/15

Well done, TLH and JoJo, on ringing Omar into TWAT 2016 !!!

clapping

Posted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 11:41 pm

I can't wait to see what yall have planned for him next. I'm sure that he is looking at that money and drooling over it.

Keep up the good work guys!

Posted: Thu Jan 14, 2016 12:24 am

And now we come to the correspondence between Phystme (who seems to be a bit long-winded, even by my standards) and Omar:

Phystme wrote:

Dear Pastor Omar:

I am writing to let you know that, against My better judgment, I have decided to not only allow you Re-Admission to the TWAT but have also agreed to allow you to continue your Insertion to the CLIT.

I am fairly sure you have all ready met My assistant, the Rector Sette but, if you have not, I know you soon will. In any case, Ben (or, rather, Rev Dover to you) made a little slip-up and told Rector Sette that he had been speaking with you and that you would soon be officially joining Our Church.

Well, I am sure you know how that goes ... Rector Sette told a few people, and they told a few other people, and those people told a few others and -- before you know it -- you were once again, the talk of the town. All of the attendees of Our FIRE were saying "Omar is Coming?", and all the Members of the CLIT were responding "Omar is Coming." Even after I performed My Services, Members of My Flock that I barely knew would come up to Me and ask "When will Omar be here?" or "Is it true about Omar?"

I like to say that, even though I founded the TWAT, I do not lead the TWAT; rather, it is the TWAT that leads Me and I have only the slightest say in the direction We may go. And, when that many of My people ask about one person, it cannot be My decision for Us to turn away from them.

Therefore, because you have impressed all of Us so much with your dedication to the TWAT, We have unanimously decided to allow you entry to the CLIT. The CLIT is TWAT's Congregation of Leaders, Intelligentsia, and Trainers, and can best be thought of as the secret inner workings of the TWAT. Everything We do within the CLIT is a highly-guarded secret and cannot be spoken of to anyone who has not yet penetrated the CLIT. As difficult as it is to gain entry to the TWAT, it is orders of magnitude more difficult to be allowed to poke your nose into the CLIT.

Although there are a great many benefits to being enveloped by the CLIT, this honor also carries with it significant responsibilities. If you feel that you are ready to ascend to this highest honor of TWAT-hood, please let Me know and I will personally oversee your further instruction.

My congratulations on your entry to a larger world!

Omar wrote:

Hello <REV>,
Am glad to hear from you and receive your mail as it has added more
glamour to my life today. Its indeed a goodnews that you've granted me
this opportunity once again to gain my Entry into the fold as the
TWAT's wishes!

I want to use this medium to assure you that am not going to take this
opportunity for granted and will give it my very best.

Thank you once again and God bless you!

Yours Truly,

Ben wrote:

Dear Pastor Omar:

Am very glad to hear that you still wish to complete your journey to the TWAT and that you understand the breadth and depth of the opportunity that We have given to you.

I am probably telling you too much but, when We did not hear from you for what seemed like months and months, I thought We had lost you. When most of Our Initiates make the decision to follow the Path of the TWAT, their commitment does not waver. But, occasionally, We do have an Initiate who -- for whatever reason -- decides that the TWAT is not for him. Since I view every one of Our prospective Members as My Children, it hurts Me every time We lose one. How ever, even though I walk beside you as you follow the path of the TWAT, I do understand that the answer lies within and that every man needs must follow his own path. (Star Wars + Dream Theater = awesome!)

Be that as it may, I am not too proud to admit that I thought We had lost you for good but I also think it is important for you to know that Ben's faith in you has not wavered once. Every time Ben saw Me, he would say "Please, Will, allow Omar back into the folds of the TWAT." or "Please have grace on Brother Omar. He will not let us down again." or just a simple "I still believe in him."

Well, it seems that Ben was right and I was wrong so, to make amends, I would like to Personally oversee the final phase of your Admission. If you are ready to proceed, please let Me know that your commitment is strong and unwavering and We shall begin.

Thank you, and may all of God's Blessings go with you!

Omar wrote:

Hello William,

Thank you very much Sir, for all the confidence and reassurance in me
and I do promise not to let you down.

I hope yhour weekend was well and you have been hale and healthy? I
awaits your further instructions.

Thanks.

Ben wrote:

Dear Pastor Omar:

Am doing very well, and I thank you for asking, and I hope you are too.

And, of course, am very glad to hear that you promise not to let Me down but, more importantly, that your dedication to Our Church remains steadfast and that you understand how important your TWAThood is to Ben and that you will not let him -- and, more importantly, your own self -- down.

Now, as with all things, I think We needs must begin at the beginning. Normally, I and My fellow Elders pride Ourselves on keeping in close contact with all of Our Members and Initiates and following the trajectories of their Paths of Life with great interest. However, after We had a few little problems that prevented you from attending Our FIRE, it seems that We lost contact with you.

Of course, I have heard the occasional rumour, but you know how those things go. It was like that game We used to play as children ... you tell a story to one person, who tells another person, who tells another person, and so on, and so forth and -- by the time you get to the end of the line -- the story has completely changed and makes no sense at all. While some people tend to take these stories as fact, those who are truly wise know that these rumours cannot be relied on and it is always better for Us to get Our informations straight from the lion's mouth (as the saying goes).

The last thing I heard that I could confirm as fact was that, after Our FIRE ended, you travelled back to your home and, upon your return, I think you had a spot of trouble there? Please start telling Me the story of your Path of Life upon your return to your home and let Me know all that has transpired from then, up until now, so that I may have a better understanding of the Path you walked, which will better allow Me to ensure that the remainder of your Insertion goes smoothly.

God Bless You, My Son.

Posted: Thu Jan 14, 2016 12:30 am

And here is Omar's Odyssey. It's pretty similar to the one he sent Ben a month or so ago but he went into greater detail in some areas, so it's well worth a re-read...

Quote:

Hello Phystme,

I want you to take out time to read this mail with keen interest and
try to understand my ife path because I feel that you also believe
that my Faith in the TWAT is wavering and unstable but I had like you
to know that if I was not serious about the church I would not have
taken the pain of building a monument of faith within a couple of
days, went through all the tedious request from Rev. Amanda and
William meticulously, giving my very best at every responsibility that
was entrusted to me at one point or the other. Also worthy of note
here is the fact that, if I was not interested in the church and
showing the committment I would not have been nominated unanimously
for the prestigious "TWAT OF THE YEAR AWARD" which motivated me to
travel day and night for two weeks and three days all the SAHARA
DESERT to get to the conference, bought flight tickets at quite
expensive rates to get to CHAD, the most hostile, heartless kind of
people I have ever met all my life, enduring the pain of starvation,
rejection, unpleasant treatment, extortion by their security agencies
and hostility all in pursuit of making it to the TWAT FIRE
CONFERENCE.

While I was in CHAD, I was arrested by their security agency for no
just cause for several days because I couldn't speak franch nor Arab
as well as I do not have money anymore on me to give to them since on
my way to Abeche I was stopped at various military and police check
points while in Bus voyage and made to pay various charges in dollars
before they will allow me to continue my voyage. At some point while
been held in detention I was told that they are going to kill me
because am a Boko Haram member owing to the fact that they saw me
wearing the TWAT robe and bucker. I miracously survived all these
ordeal when their unit commandant came though he doesn't understand
English fluently he was able to communicate with me via sign language
to ascertain my through identity, who advised me to leave the country
as soon as possible that he cannot guarantee what will happened to me
thereafter. He immediately arranged for me to join a voyage travelling
across their borders through the Sahara Desert to Niger Republic and
paying for my transport expenses to take me to the borders of Niger
Republic and Nigeria before the Nigerian Immigration Service at the
borders helped me to locate my way home. Ofcourse you could imagine
travelling through the desert route for several days in the hot dry
sun melting day and deep cold at night.

Upon arrival from these hurrible experiences, I must confess that all
of got into me and was a very trying moments for me coupled with the
fact that I lost everything when I arrived home from the bulgary
incidence that happened and nothing was left for me to live on. I
tried to recorporate from the scratch all over before I realised that
my life was under serious threat following Anita's adoption and her
devulging of all contact details of mine to the dreaded islamist
group; getting all sort of strange calls and life threatening mails
became unbearble for me that I had to go into serious undercover
which appeared to all that I disappeared not necessarily but to stay
out of reach to save my life since everything about me was trailed by
the group. Apart from that in my period of silence, I got seriously
ill and hospitalized for couple of weeks. A lot actually happened that
with time as we progress with everything that I will
make known to you as well.

I could not continue initially with our contact because I was in a
safe region within my country that do not have internet service all
this while. Thought of the option of contacting you if I could get an
invitation to come to you but I could not owing to the fact that the
money involved I do not have.

I want to work with and for the TWAT but I need you to help me out
here to be able to overcome these challenges on my way. Currently I
will be able to finish up all that is required and get inducted into
the FOLD but the challenges are numerous but I need your assistance
and support all the way to get around these challenges. I have given
you my word and I do not intend going back on my word!

Ben informed me shortly that Anita has arrived home safely, so glad to
hear that God be praised!

Awaits your swift response!

Yours FAithfully,

Posted: Thu Jan 14, 2016 12:36 am

Brilliant

Posted: Thu Jan 14, 2016 12:39 am

^^^
He never forget Chad in his live. Laughing

Posted: Thu Jan 14, 2016 12:42 am

And I know it's a bit of a step down from Omar's tale of woe, but here is Phystme's response:

Quote:

Dear Pastor Omar:

Thank you so very much for your email. I was just getting to ready to write to you and to make sure that you had receipt My prior email when your response showed up in My inbox. (This is actually true. Isn't it nice to be able to write the truth to a lad once in a while?) I would have liked to respond immediately but I was just so taken aback by the tribulations that the Good Lord Above -- Hallowed be His Name -- saw fit to put in your path.

I found it quite difficult to process all of the story that you told Me, and I must admit to a bit of embarrassment at what you had to go through. All of Us knew that you had a spot of trouble in getting to Our FIRE but I do not think any of Us knew the extent of the trials that were placed in your way. We had many attendees from all over the world attend Our FIRE and I did not hear a single word of any one of them being harassed for wearing their TWAT robes and buckers. (I think he is trying to write "burka" here...) All of Us found the Chadian staff at the resort to be kind, wonderful, and friendly and many attendees even asked Me if we could hold Our future FIREs at the resort, a request which I must now, of course, veto, given the treatment which you were forced to endure.

Now, upon your return home, am I given to understand that you found your house buggled? When did this occur? Was it while you were in Chad or when you were on your way back home? And what happened? Did the larcenists just break a window and snatch a few household items or was their purloinment more substantial? And, was your Monument of Faith left untouched or did those filthy bugglers do anything to desecrate the Monument?

Now, I must confess; I have not wanted to ask Ben much detail about Anita's adoption because -- as you well know -- Ben blames himself for everything that happened. Do I understand that the adopters somehow came into contact with you and began threatening you? Why on Earth would those devils reach out to you when Ben was standing by, ready to swing into action?

And, finally, please tell Me what happened to cause your illness and to put you in the hospital? What problems did you have? Were they treated properly? Is this going to cause any long-term problems with your willingness to spread the TWAT across the world or your ability for insertion into the CLIT?

Please get back to Me as soon as you can. Although I am unable to give you a reason (and I do not want to make any promises that I may not be able to keep) but I think I told you that -- even though I may sit behind these walls -- I do what I can to ensure that I walk beside each of you as you follow the path of the TWAT and, should any of you be in need of Our assistance, Our duty is never enough but to ensure that all of those who complete their journey to the TWAT get all that they truly deserve. (Dream Theater's Octavarium -- a very underrated CD...)

I await your next response, and may the Dear Lord continue to bless you, My son.

And, just so y'all know, we aren't vamping here to kill time and to take pleasure in Omar's description of his suffering. (Well, OK, not *only* to take pleasure in Omar's suffering...) We're actually putting Omar in a very precarious position and setting him up for a kill shot to test his dedication to the faith.

Posted: Thu Jan 14, 2016 1:26 am

So nice to see this back!

Posted: Thu Jan 14, 2016 2:04 am

Quote:

I was told that they are going to kill me
because am a Boko Haram member owing to the fact that they saw me
wearing the TWAT robe and bucker.

I'm getting verklempt!

Posted: Thu Jan 14, 2016 3:06 am

Nice work, TLH! It is such a treat to see you and JoJo playing Cowboys and Lads again! clapping

05/29/15

Tsk, tsk, tsk ... "hurrible experiences," just hurrible ... Laughing

Posted: Fri Jan 15, 2016 4:52 pm

Omar continues to tell us of his troubles:

Omar wrote:

Hello Phystme,

Thank you very much for your kind words. I couldn't believe the mode
of treatment as well when I was in CHAD, well my house was buggled and
looted while I was in CHAD. Upon return I feel ill but I was properly
treatment at the time I was hospitalized. From the findings I was made
to understand it was as a result of exposure to hard conditions I was
exposed to for the period I was in CHAD. I am very much healthy and in
any way there is no health implication now or later as a result of the
ill health I experienced then.

My monument of Faith was untouched, just my property and vital
documents that where looted from the house.

Thank you so much.

Yours truly,

But it's not enough for Phystme -- we need details, dammit! (And, yes, I know Phystme is supposed to be the "bad cop" but I'm playing him as the iron fist in a velvet glove. So far, Omar has been pretty compliant but just wait until he steps out of line...)

Phystme wrote:

Dear Pastor Omar:

Thank you for continuing to promptly respond to My emails. And, once again, I think I should feel the need to apologize so very much for your mode of treatment in CHAD. I simply do not know what to say. Every one else who travelled to CHAD has spoken very highly of their experiences there but far be it from Me to make any decision that puts even one of My Flock at risk. I have spoken with My assistants and We have struck CHAD from all lists of possible locations to hold Our future FIRE conferences. While We are still in the planning stages for Our upcoming conference, I can guarantee that it shall be held in a place much more suitable to your liking. (*cough* *choke* *snicker*)

And, while I am on the subject of CHAD, do I understand correctly that the hash conditions of CHAD caused you to be hospitalized? For how long were you in the hospital? Do you have medical insurance, or were you forced to pay for your treatments your self? I am not sure if Rev Dover has mentioned this to you but We do make health insurance available to many of Our Ministers.

Now, while I hate to ask you to re-live your hurrible experience of coming home to find your house buggled, would you have a list of all of your items that were buggled, and their approximate replacement values? I am afraid that I cannot yet provide you with a reason as to why I ask (and I still do not want to make any promises that I may not be able to keep) but I think I am able to tell you that Our Appropriations and Distribution Committee may find this list most edifying.

Although, while I am sure it is slight solace to you, I am glad to hear that those contemptible bugglers allowed your Monument of Faith to remain unmolested. Which brings Me to the subject I really wanted to speak with you about. As a prelude to your final phase of Admission, one of My assistants, Our Rev. Robert (At least, that is how I think his name is spelled. It has some strange pronounciation that goes with it.), has reminded Me that We still have not yet finished updating your file. Can you please send Me pictures of:
- A recent photo of you in your TWAT robe and bucker.
- A recent photo of your Monument of Faith. (Both of these photos will be going in your permanent record, and most of Our TWATs try to make these photos very special.)

I look forward to hearing from you soon because, once your file has been updated, We can begin your Initiation and Admission.

Until then, may you ever receive the blessings of the Dear Lord.

Posted: Fri Jan 15, 2016 9:51 pm

I don't know why but this made me laugh hysterically:

Quote:

well my house was buggled and
looted while I was in CHAD.

Posted: Fri Jan 15, 2016 11:28 pm

TLH wrote:

would you have a list of all of your items that were buggled, and their approximate replacement values?

That's a list I look forward to reading. Can't wait to see what he claims for loses with the hint for replacements.

Of course TLH should not just take his word - there must be a police bugglery report somewhere that he can provide.

Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2016 3:19 am

^^^ I was just asking Omar for a list of the items he claims he lost to give us a laugh since (spoiler alert!) we're probably not going to pay him, but that's a great idea to ask for a copy of the police report on the buggling, SB!

Heck, since he was already nice enough to send us a copy of the bill for his sandbags, maybe he'll be able to get us a copy of his hospital bill, too...

Baiting Guru Joined: 10 Oct 2010 Posts: 3876

maybe I've missed that posting, but...

how is the pyramid? the sacred cornerstone of the faith of TWAT.

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 21 Nov 2008 Posts: 619

The pyramid was not buggled, it is intact!

Quote:

My monument of Faith was untouched, just my property and vital
documents that where looted from the house.

A new picture should be required for proof, though.

Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2016 1:11 pm

That the pyramid was not buggled, is surely a sign. Of all his possessions, they left him with the most important one. Laughing

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 26 Aug 2006 Posts: 577

^^^^
The bungalers were slackers

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