Got one deeply hooked, this one should be (more) great fun

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Posted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 8:04 pm

After several failures at my evil attorney tricks, I finally found an idiot to work with. Who knew the Director of DHL could be so thick-headed? Once it all collapses on him, I publish the whole mess, but I wanted to toss out the latest excitement.

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Me:

Listen you stupid African, there are two things you need to get through your thick skull. First, you already know we don't have any western union or moneygram here on Lanai.

Second, you are in no position to demand a goddamn thing. Did you forget who is in control of this situation? You'll get your share when you and I are through and not before. I don't think you have a grasp on what's going on here. $25000 is not the end of this and if you QUIT FUCKING AROUND there are many thousands more to be had.

Let me spell it out for you.

I am in control here and you will do what I say, when I say, and get paid when we are finished. You have nothing to lose and a fucking fortune to gain. I have no reason to steal from you, I suspect we could work together again. Do you think Carl is the only stupid old man whose estates I manage? I can make us both rich.

NOW DO WHAT I HAVE INSTRUCTED.

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Lad:

Listen to me too you white monkey, you are in control does not mean you will decide when my own chair will get to me, you can even go for this very one now its does not mean anything for me but what am saying is that every job we do here have be deliver my own chair, for a job well done.

You are in charge here, you are the boss but once we got what we are working for my money have to be get to me immediately, I can’t trust you without sending my own money of this very job well done and let me advice you if only you can do as I decided to get my money, I will give you an account where to send my money for me.

You can’t be a boss that is not paying for his workers and I will do your instruction when you say once you are paying me my job well done, you know this is not our last job and it will not end here and now then why do you want to start shirting?

Let me remind you that you don’t have any FUCKING right to pay me when you decided to, and I has every GODDANM right to tell you when I will like to have my own chair I think you can got that into your small brain.

NOW DO ME A FAVOR, CAN I GIVE THE ACCOUNT DETAILS TO SEND MY MONEY TO ME?

If that will not be possible then let leave this job pass by, and I knew you gain more than me now but I don’t care and let me remind you that two of us are a guy man and a guy man can not guy a guy man. 419 is not when you decide to because anything can happen when you don’t expect it.

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Me:

White monkey? You really are an idiot.

Are you seriously going to pass up hundreds of thousands of dollars that costs you nothing to get? How can anyone be that stupid?

You dictate nothing to me and will do as I say or you will have lost more money than you've seen in your pathetic little scamming life. I know your game, little boi. You need to play it as I say or starve. I told you I would send you your share when we are done. Why would you pass on this chance? Just because you're a stubborn asshole?

You have plenty of time to rant nonsense, fool. Use some of that time to do what I tell you.

You must be the dumbest scammer in Africa.

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Lad to our poor victim:

Hello, Mr Car1ing.

Sorry for the delaying now we found out that moving money into the country will required screening by the department of homeland security, To ensure that there is no connection to terrorism or fraud. It is based on the amount of the funds and is equal to 1% of the total which you are going to pay $25,000. once again, have you confirm this with Mr Gomez. I assure you that we are working together to help you get your money.

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Lad to me:

White monkey, i have do as you said so go and do your own work.

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Hehehe...gotta love a good slap.

Posted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 8:48 pm

White monkey?!? Oh, man -- them's fightin' words, Lou!

Show Me The Goodies Joined: 18 Oct 2014 Posts: 301

Well slapped !

You mentioned African scammer and he replied with racist abuse imho .

Not on just shows what these scammers are low lifes

Posted: Fri Feb 20, 2015 12:31 am

Whining little rodent.

This should get his attention:

I've planted an idea in Carl's head there may have been a "clerical error" and that the $2.5 million may be incorrect. Here's how I want you to proceed.

Tell Carl that a decimal point had been moved in the paperwork and it was discovered during the scanning done at customs, the ATM card is actually worth $25 million dollars. Tell him you're very embarrassed by the error your office made, congratulate him on his good fortune and tell him that you will not ask for the additional fee that would have been due above the $25000 to apologize for the mistake.

The reason we're doing this is that the $2.5 million is just to small. All the fees and taxes and bullshit will be based on percentages and a small percentage is worth a huge fucking pile of money when you apply to $25 million. For example, General Excise Tax here in Hawaii is 4.65%. That's over $116000 USD when you figure it against the $25 million and we're going to go after that tomorrow.

And he hasn't heard about Capital Gains Tax. That will be the final one.

If you don't understand, it doesn't matter. Just do what I tell you and I will make it work. As always, have him confirm this with me.

Don't fuck this up, we're almost there.

Posted: Fri Feb 20, 2015 12:46 am

Why is he droning on about his chair?

Posted: Fri Feb 20, 2015 12:55 am

Must be furniture-challenged?

Rolling Eyes

Posted: Fri Feb 20, 2015 12:58 am

Looks like has invented a new kind of learning difficulty, but he's the only one with it in the world.

Posted: Fri Feb 20, 2015 1:03 am

Yeah, but he's going to be the richest lad in history...so he can go ahead and get that fixed.

Posted: Fri Feb 20, 2015 1:33 am

How many times has he begged you for an advance on his share? Show you how greedy it is. By my reckoning the more times he asks the more greedy he is and desperate. A few good more slaps wil keep him in order. It's like having a dog on a lead Smile

Posted: Fri Feb 20, 2015 1:35 am

Yup, like a puppy. I tell him to do a trick, he whines, I smack him in the back of the leg with a rolled-up newspaper, I tell him again to do the trick and he does it (sulking a bit).

When the big dollar signs start rolling at him, it'll be interesting to see how loud he barks.

Posted: Fri Feb 20, 2015 1:46 am

I'll let you in on my secret, I always include as many dollar signs as possible like this;

Quote:

Dear mugu
I was surprised to recieve your email. I am a very rich reverend living in USA. I am worth $30,000,000 personally with an extremely large house worth $5,000,000. My company made $34,000,000 last year in profit.

I would like to help you with your business proposal. How would an investement of around $5,000,000 help? I will also gift you $500,00 to spend on a house and some nice clothes as well as expenses

Thanks,
Father Hans Moleman

As soon as he sees the dollar signs he'll be drooling like a St Bernard dog, not just barking like one!

05/29/15

"You white monkey" ... Sorry, but THAT's funny -- I don't care WHO ya are !!!

Laughing

Posted: Sat Feb 21, 2015 1:59 am

Just setting the hook even deeper, our poor victim sent this to his pal at DHL:
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This is getting more and more exciting, I hope this old man's heart is up for it! I'm meeting with Gomez this week so he can fill me in on whatever else needs to be done. Is this all real? Am I really going to have $25 million NEXT WEEK?

It's almost too much to believe, but it's really happening.
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Of course, the whole decimal point thing was totally butchered by the lad. He definitely didn't get it. Our boy Gomez smacked him earlier in the day:
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It's a good thing I keep an eye on what you do, you made almost no sense in the message to Carl. You need to do EXACTLY as I tell you. Is that not sinking into your thick fucking skull? If you're not smart enough to play for the big money, find someone who is. We're very close and I don't want you to fuck this up.

Fortunately you got ONE thing right, the decimal. I'm sure I'll hear from Carl this morning and will be able to spell it out for him.

Next time, FOLLOW MY FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS.

(And then he calms down a little...)

Carl is one seriously excited old man, he actually believes me. We're going to get together this weekend so that we can discuss some of the taxes that may come up and how you and I can help him to make sure it's all good and he gets his millions.

I'll contact you on Monday to get started on the excise tax. As we've been doing, you'll tell him what needs to be paid and I'll assure him that it's legitimate. This looks very, very promising.

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