Bertie and his naughty nurse

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Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2015 4:23 pm

My character BERTIE rambles on a bit but this Lad can't be matched for talking mountains of irrelevant drivel. It is quite funny in parts.

Quote:

Date: Jan 19th, 2015 at 8:50 PM Our Ref.: FISC/FS.0107. Your Ref.:...............

From: Paul Rogers
OFFICE OF THE DIRECTOR

My Dear Good Bertie W00ster

In line to your communication. Federal inland security company is a well renounced company. The demurrage stands for the security keeping fee, please reconfirm the (MTCN) being the money transfer control number for the $58.00 that would be given to you on the receipt written at the money transfer agent location in avoiding any form of misconception so that we could direct these consignment immediately through to any of your designated address, Kindly go as humanly possible to any western union to deposit 58$ via western union money transfer immediately. And in accordance, also I would like to re-affirm the deposit of these trunk boxes by Dr. Charles Okoye to us for onward delivery to you at your Address. All necessary documents including Certifications and the Tags to get pass Customs are intact.

As you already know most of the delivery fees were settled for by Dr. Charles. At Federal In land security, We have our main package, which provides all the essentials required to set-up an immediate Offshore
delivery. We also offer our main package, which includes nominee director services with a general (unlimited) Power of Attorney for those seeking a higher level of personal privacy. For our various
Offshore Clients., To effectively help secure a safer delivery and other additional (optional) services as required.

You're hereby required to send only the demurrage charge of $58:00
Please send to the Care of:-
Name: XXX Prince XXX
Address/ City:- Lagos - Nigeria
Text Question: Package
Text Answer: Shipment.

Use this as the transfer code at the transfers outlet to enable him receive and for us to dispatch your fund consignment immediately through your paypal account. Increasing taxation and litigation have
made it literally impossible for today's entrepreneurs to conduct their business in complete privacy, sheltered and unencumbered,tax-free and litigation-proof. What Does The Package Include?(Internet Banking, Distance operation via phone and Debit Card
or Paypal. So what i would ask you now is to direct the demurrage fee of $58:00 immediately.

So you can expect the delivery to commence in 24hours time, just as soon as we are able to get a signal that your payment had been received.You're to forward the 10 digit MTCN information through this
email address to me. It therefore becomes imperative on you to act in a manner Crystal clear in all segment of this transaction. I request you to go right away and send the fees for the aforementioned amount,
as acting on time at this point would endeavor a smooth release, so you wouldn't get stuck as you're well aware that delays beget dangers. All matters relating to these transaction need be done fast and as
instructed. As delays may cause unnecessary attentions and distractions that may not be needed. Contrary to popular belief, you don't ever have to go to the country where you consignment is or open
a bank account there. Instead, you can have us set up your Global Business Account from ANYWHERE in the world! We will save you the travel costs and hassles by having our international partners do all
the legal work for you. Put your Global Business on your laptop, and your offshore debit card into your wallet, and ... Go Elsewhere! You can easily take your Global Business with you, no matter where you go,
and run it from anywhere in the world, provided that you have a phone line to connect to the Internet. Going by our governing principles and the policies of our mode of operand um. We would be unable to tamper with any of our numerous clientele personal effects, Western union has been known in providing trusted payments and financial services since 1858 & is a safer, faster way to send and receive instant money transfers worldwide. Consumers have looked to Western Union to help them stay connected to loved ones / business partners around the world. They are the sure global leader in money transfer services, offering the ability to send money to more than 245,000 Western Union Agent locations in over 200 countries and territories. This would be the fastest way to send in the payment direct to enable us envelop, register and deliver your consignment. On the whole, this would allow a very timely response on this matter in as much as the confirmations of payment is paid. A notification would be sent over to you including your tracking numbers via this electronically depository {email}.

We would also deliver future Notices electronically by posting the Notice to you being the Agreement receipt and any further amendments or revisions thereto to you. Furthermore, Anticipating to read from you so we could offer you a more qualitative & prompt service. hoping that you have heeded to our requirements/ instructions, As soon as the
above requirement is provided, Our offshore business account will be activated and account information's will be sent to you by email and via International express delivery (with tracking number) by FedEx/UPS
or DHL. Hasten up with the payment as longer stay of the trunk box in our care will attract additional demurrage.

Thank you and be assured of a prompt service.
Respectfully yours in service,

Regards,
Paul Rogers.

BERTIE replies with his own fairy tale cranking the complications up a notch. Very Happy

Quote:

Dear Mr Paul

Thank you for your mail. As I told Mr Charles I am rather unwell but, as my appointment at the hospital for chemotherapy for my brain tumour is tomorrow, I will print out this instruction and take it with me so that I can get it arranged after the treatment. They will be sending an ambulance to collect me so getting through the snowdrifts shouldn't be a problem.

Though I have been warned that the treatment could cause me memory problems I'll keep your mail in my breast pocket to act as a reminder. I have asked that my au pair/nurse meets me at the hospital as she hasn't been able to get back to my home due to the weather and I need her help due to my age and illness and having the company of a fit young Russian nurse is no bad thing for a man in my position. She is very nice to me and we can pick up a few bottles of single malt whiskey and have a late New Year celebration together.

As soon as I have the details I will pass them on to you. Wish me luck for tomorrow.

Best Wishes and thanks for all your help.

Bertie W00ster

(Bertie always reverses scammer surnames and first names. It's his trademark).

Tomorrow I may send him a photo of my imaginary nurse/au pair and she may want to speak to the scammer herself.

Something the mods dream up Joined: 22 Apr 2014 Posts: 905

so, in other words,

Hi

send cash to

Bye

Laughing

Show Me The Goodies Joined: 18 Oct 2014 Posts: 301

Your baits always sound so convinceing and i can see how you are going to develop this ....lol...

Nice one !

Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2015 5:09 pm

Quote:

Contrary to popular belief, you don't ever have to go to the country where you consignment is or open

Popular belief? Yes, that was all the talk at the last dinner party I attended... Rolling Eyes

Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2015 6:12 pm

@ The Reverand

I don't think I'm going to get a lot of attention from the scammer for $58, so it's a matter of finding a way to increase the money involved so that he's got a reason to put in some effort.

I have to appear very vulnerable and gullible, make him my bestest friend and give him a mouthwatering opportunity that would set him up for life.

The aupair/nurse will contact the scammer and let on she's already trying to screw over BERTIE for money and she'll see if they can work together.

A little tear trickles down BERTIE's cheek as he reads of the concern of the scammer for his health.

Quote:

Bertram W00ster

It pains me that you’re still fighting with this illness. Hope to see you get well soon!

I got your response in line with your indications to settle for the payment as required tomorrow. Please act very quick getting back to me included with the ten digits MTCN numbers because its the only thing required of you now for the commencement of the delivery.

Today you might be feeling low. But soon you will be better you know. Listen to the doctors you…

We pray that God will heal you from this illness and give you sound health again and forever. Wishing you well again soon…

So BERTIE replies, setting him up for tomorrow.

Quote:

I am reassured by your kind words and prayers, though I have no doubt I'll pull through okay. The hospital trip does mean that I can bring my aupair/nurse back home as only an ambulance can get through the heavy snow.

I attach a photo of her to this email and you'll understand why I am so keen to bring her home. In this photo she is showing off the gold bracelet I bought her for Christmas and it's a delight to see how happy she is. In spite of my illness and age I am hopeful that a romance may develop and perhaps your transaction will be the perfect start to a new relationship.

I'll make sure you get the information you require.

Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2015 6:31 pm

Poor Bertie, being made to go out in the snow and all for the tune of $58!!!! He should be able to do an online bank transfer would you not think? That would be much easier.

I hope that nothing terrible happens to him in all of that snow, like being dropped off the stretcher or being left stranded when they drop him off in the middle of a snowstorm at the wrong address. That would be too cruel.

I would be very upset if my nurse chopped someones dollah on me!!!!! That would be so mean now wouldn't it?

Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2015 7:09 pm

canuckbaiter wrote:

Poor Bertie, being made to go out in the snow and all for the tune of $58!!!! He should be able to do an online bank transfer would you not think? That would be much easier.

Funny you should mention that Laughing

but then i'd need a bank account from the scammer who hasn't had the pleasure of speaking to Bertie's aupair yet and her English isn't very good.

She can offer to get access to BERTIE's online banking account.

Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2015 10:02 pm

Always great to know that Bert is in such good hands! Rolling Eyes

Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2015 10:09 pm

It's not unknown for scammers to start off by requesting a small payment. Perhaps a larger number of prospective victims can afford $58 and will pay; perhaps it leads more easily to the all important second, third and fourth payments.

Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2015 3:47 pm

BERTIE to scammer.

Quote:

Dear Mr Paul

I am at the hospital and I have been told that they will be keeping me in overnight as they will be attaching tubes that will drain excess fluids from my brain. Of course this makes it more serious and likely that I will suffer a loss of memory.

For this reason I have handed a printed copy of your instructions to Ludmilla who is my nurse/au pair to take care of. I can then rely on her to remind me about our contact and what I must do.

I have also made a note for myself to remind me to look at our correspondence on the computer

Best Wishes

This scammer's going to regret ever contacting Bertie. Very Happy

Next I'll formulate a broken English mail to the scammer from Ludmilla suggesting they hook up to scam Bertie for big bucks. She'll ask if he has a bank account.

… and here goes LUDMILLA to the scammer.

Quote:

I am Ludmilla who is nursing for Bertie and he gives to me your message for paying to you monies. He is old man and little bit pervert way he is always touch me but I make him buy all sorts presents for me.

If you trying to steal from Bertie then I can be much help with you as I can make him do anythings I want. If you have bank account when he is in hospital I can say to him he must let me do online banking payment then I can any amount I like if you will share with me but I do not trust you to be fair with me.

Otherwise I can steal all his moneys but I need place to take cash or police will be catching me. Can you know of safe place to be taking cash but I will not go to cold place.

All this persons in UK are very much pervert and I do not like this. I want honest man to look after me. If I can trust you we can share. We can make plans.

Tomorrow I will be back at his house and I must be very secret with this matter.

If the scammer hooks onto this then I can play him any which way I like and I can have a ball.

Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2015 6:37 pm

Now.... Bertie would know:

Quote:

single malt whiskey

should in fact be Single Malt WHISKY !! Very Happy

I like Ludmilla ! She shouldn't trust anyone.... make it look as if Scammer has it but in fact run away with the money all to herself to a place in the sun.

Is this

Quote:

We also offer our main package, which includes nominee director services with a general (unlimited) Power of Attorney for those seeking a higher level of personal privacy.

maybe a way to offer a higher price?

Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2015 7:18 pm

Wikipedia

Quote:

The spelling whiskey is common in Ireland and the United States while whisky is used in every other whisky producing country in the world

My favourite is Laphroaig but I haven't tried them all.

Ludmilla is a virtuous tramp, which is an irresistible combination and if the scammer bites he's in trouble. She's usually most effective against the younger scammers.

Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2015 8:07 pm

Yes, if it is produced in Scotland it is Whisky and anywhere else Whiskey... well that's what the Scots tell us anyway.

I went to a distillery on the Isle Of Lewis.... very small and fascinating. Abhainn Dearg Distillery. Blame the man there for the lecture of Scotch Whisky! 46 and 58 % My son said it is good whisky.. I wouldn't know, can't stand the stuff.

Wishing Ludmilla good luck sending her picture to the scammer and if she is a tramp, virtuous or otherwise Bertie better watch his blood pressure along with his other ailments !

Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2015 8:45 pm

Scammer to LUDMILLA

Quote:

Please go ahead and send the $58.00 so that delivery can commence. I will see you face to face very soon.

That's about the most uninspiring reply I could have expected. He hasn't fallen for Ludmilla's charms or picked up that she could access the mother lode of Bertie's cash.

No matter, Bertie will act as if he's paid the money (via Ludmilla) but Ludmilla won't pass it on unless he assists her in a much bigger scam against Bertie.

Ludmilla has dolla chopped him and will blackmail the scammer to help her. I'm deeply offended that he has such little ambition. He just needs to step up a gear and Ludmilla is the girl to help him.

Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2015 1:58 pm

Scammer to BERTIE

Quote:

I am very sorry somebody that is about to loss memory doesnt write like this please before you finally lose the memory go and make sure your nurse sends of the 58$ because your nurse is trying to do something evil i must warn you.

Am I having fun Laughing

If all I get is some bizarre and worthwhile quotes, that will be enough.

It gets better

Scammer to LUDMILLA

Quote:

I am not interested in fraudulent matters you are trying to engage me in stealing.I work with security agents and i do not want to involve my self in anything fraud please i am very sorry for turning down i shall be in anticipation to receive the 58$ as instructed by your boss.

Respect

A scammer with morals - but no ambition. Ludmilla is a girl who doesn't take 'no' from any man.

The scammer will discover that Ludmilla has tricked Bertie in to allowing his account to be charged with $200 as she'll say the scammer upped the amount, but she won't send it unless the scammer helps her take Bertie for a much larger amount.

Of course, Ludmilla is a girl who likes to get her way and she uses the stick and her charms mercilessly.

Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2015 3:00 pm

BERTIE to the scammer

Quote:

I am grateful for your concerns and prayers and at this moment with the tubes still in my skull I must admit that I feel very unwell and the help and comfort of anyone is much valued and I won't forget the kindness of strangers I assure you.

Ludmilla is home with me now and she has made the transfer and increased the amount to $200 which she said you requested, and that is not of not concern to me.

She is very comforting to me and though she has previously objected to me cuddling her, she seems to realise the pleasure I get from such contact. I hope that when I am improved we can take our relationship further. She really is a very pretty girl you know.

My Best Wishes

There's Bertie helpless with tubes sticking out of his skull and a perfect target for a scammer and Ludmilla has got to him first and, has not only got her hands on his payment, but has also upped the amount to $200.

Now for Ludmilla to contact the scammer.

LUDMILLA to scammer.

Quote:

HiHi Mr Who You Are

I am not happy with you making bad accusings to me. All I asking is if you have account with bank so we can be sharing money from Bertie. You better say sorry for this or I am not sending you anything.

I am a nice Russian girl and all is happening is high perverts are wanting to do things with me - even Mr Bertie and you have no care over this.

He will be happy to give me lot of money and if you ask him to send money by bank he will need me to do it. Then I can send much moneys but only if you are honest person. How old are you and is where you are nice warm place ?

I want you say sorry to me than I will send you a photographic of me but nothing rude.

I better be careful not to send the mails at the same time in future (note to self).

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2015 3:17 pm

I'm struggling with this pompous Lad.

Scammer to LUDMILLA

Quote:

Listen young lady, i hold you no apologies. your boss says you told him i requested $200 from you and you have already made the payment to me

Is the concept of lying and stealing unknown to him ? This is a lesson in how it feels. Do as Ludmilla says.

Scammer to BERTIE

Quote:

I hope you are not making gist of me here, i never asked you for $200. if your your lady claims she made a payment to me can you please ask her to produce to you the receipt of payment or better still the MTCN which was used for the transfer because i can vividly remember to told you to use western union for the transfer.

Of course this is where Bertie's memory issues could cause a problem. Laughing

Something the mods dream up Joined: 22 Apr 2014 Posts: 905

^^^ I thought he said moneygram Twisted Evil

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2015 3:58 pm

To be honest this one's sounding like a boring old fart, and they can be a challenge to handle, but I'll work him as far as I can.

However, once I have an amusing script I like to get other Lads running through it, so I have others which I'll switch to if this one reaches a conclusion.

If he doesn't bend to Ludmilla's will she'll trash him with a broken English insult that'll make his head spin.

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2015 6:31 pm

LUDMILLA to scammer

Quote:

Look here Mister Criminal

You are doing big mistake to be thinking I am silly girl. You can be helping me or I will find help with some person else. I am know that Mr Bertie will do anythings I tell him and he can do nothings with tube things in head.

If you are very much stupids maybe do you know person much less stupid. You will get nothings from me and if you are not nice to me I will tell him to know what you game is playing.

I aim thinking you are maybe too much poor and stupid to help.

That just about slapped his head off Laughing

I'll play Wuxfer games if necessary but my intention is to get him involved with Ludmilla. If that can't be done I have other scammers set up ready to play.

Bertie will email later, and so he does

BERTIE to scammer

Quote:

I have spoken to Ludmilla about the issue you raised and she has told me that you were blackmailing her and that is why she had to send you the extra amount and she confirms to me that she sent you the details and the slip on the same day. She was in an awful state crying and I had to wipe away her tears. She was trying hard not to have to tell me what you had done to protect you and now she has revealed the truth.

She is doing her best to look after me and she is very comforting and affectionate just now and I trust you will be satisfied with the money you have received.

Best Wishes

The scammer only has one way to go now and, as his brain tries to work out his options, I'll load some more into the meat grinder.

I need scammers who are more open to scheming against Bertie.

Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 12:00 am

As I may have slapped scammer number 1's head off I am now promoting some others to see how they do with Bertie's health problems and his nurse. Number 2 is my favourite as he's been around since before Christmas and he's already been chopped by Mr G0mer.

Scammer 2 - JONAH

Quote:

My dear Bertram,
I really fill the pain and sorry for what happened and I will be praying for you. Do not over worry yourself,you will be okey.
Concerning the our arrangement I'm always there working on your behalf, so quickly send the $285 to this information …… Concerning G0mer, I have told you that you should disregard Gormer

Jonah's on board and I have high hopes for him.

Quote:

Be strong you will be okay ……… For G0mer, don't listing to him any more so that you will not make a mistake ……..

Scammer 3 - DENNIS

Quote:

I have been praying your healing and I want you to be permanently healed. I will be waiting for you to recover and also send in a copy of any of your identification. It is required for the processing of your payment. Get back to me ASAP.

I've powered up the next set of replacements in case these don't measure up. It's a selection process. Very Happy

Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 9:09 am

That's my boy

JONAH to Bertie

Quote:

My dear Bertram,
I am very happy you are back home and also for bring Ludmilla home, I have seen her photo, she is pretty, lovely, kind because of her good gesture towards you and mankind. I appreciate all she has done to you. Extend my greeting to her. You will surely be okay. When will I receive the money.
Best Regard
Mr. Jonah.

He's keen and has the right attitude. I'll try a more flirtatious approach from Ludmilla with added tales of what a cad and bounder Bertie is, whilst propositioning him - then snap !!! got him.

LUDMILLA to JONAH

Quote:

HiHi Mr Jonah

I am Ludmilla from Russia who is nursing for Mr Bertie and he has given me form for making payment.

I must tell you that Mr Bertie is all so charming to all peoples but when he is alone with me he is wanting to be very rude with me and I do not do this sort of things. He is very high pervert and buys presents to make me do thinks like you know.

He is now needing me to do all things for him and if you ask for money to bank he must ask me to do this and if I trust you I can pay you lots for us if you are nice person. I only say this as he is so very bad man to me and I must have place to run away when I do this and get away from him. Are you living in warm place.

Maybe we can plan and if you have no bank then maybe I can take cash for us.

I am in great worry over this as I am safe from him now he is ill but when he is better he will be rude to me again and I am not liking this.

This must be very high secret for us.

.. and Bertie will follow up later and he'll likely make some sexist comments about Ludmilla just to wind him up a bit.

This will only work on a young inexperienced Lad which I sense is what Jonah is.

Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 11:41 pm

Quote:

All this persons in UK are very much pervert and I do not like this

Best quote ever.. lmfao..

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