The Amazing Shrinking Payoff

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Posted: Sat Aug 30, 2014 12:17 am

Cammy's Lad 4bdul 4li is looking forward to payday.

Quote:

Thanks for your kind information, I have carefully gone through the massage from the bank and i find out that my bank is asking you to pay the sum of 3,450Euro to change the name of the beneficiary to your name and also reactivate the dormant account in your favor Ok.

Cammy has some bad news.

Quote:

DEWD THATS A PROLBEM, IF TEH FEE IZ CLOSE 2 $5000 LIKE U SAI, I DONT HAVE MONIEZ LIKE THAT, ITS IN A JONT ACCUNT, MY BF WILL NEED 2 COSINE & IT MEANZ SUM1 ELSE WILL KNO BOUT TEH BIZ, R U OK BOUT THAT?

Lad has issues too (emphasis added):

Quote:

Thanks for your mail, I don’t want someone else to know about this project to avoid eye brows during our investment, meanwhile you should not allow someone else to know about this transaction to avoid problem Ok.
If you don’t have the amount 3,450Euro, so I want you to tell me how much you can arrange from your side so that I will know what to do next, My financial condition is very bad but we can’t afford to lose those funds just because of these fees, so please I want you to tell me how much you can raised from your end urgently so that we can proceed further Ok.

Sorry buddy!

Quote:

I DONT THNK AJ WUD BE A PROLBEM, Y WUD HE MESS THGNZ UP, COS I GOT $1000 TOPZ IN MY PERSONNEL ACCUNT, BEST I CAN DO DEWD, SRY BOUT YR FIANCEZ BUT FACTS IZ FACTS U KNO

Quote:

Thanks for your effort so far, I just received your mail telling me that you have only $1000 USD on your personal account, meanwhile please I want you to try your possible best to arrange $2,000USD from your side then I will try my best to raise the balance Ok.
Finally, Do your best to make it $2,000 dollars from your side and get back to me then I will try my possible best to pay the balance to the lawyer Ok. The required amount is about $5,000 Dollars, so please try your best to raise the sum of $2,000 Dollars from your end then I will try my best to pay the balance $3,000 Dollars to the lawyer from my side.
Raise the $2,000 Dollars and get back to me so that I will draft you a letter to send the bank lawyer for the payment.

(It's actually Australian dollars in Cammy's account, of course, but why tell him that?)

Nope, sorry.

Quote:

$1000 IS TEH MAX MOUNT, MITE NOT BE SO MUCH, U TINK ITS SO EAZY 2 GET 000S, IM NOT SWIMING IN CASH

So the Lad has a brilliant idea!

Quote:

Thanks for your mail, I will try my possible best to arrange the balance $4,000 Dollars, I don’t have the money now but I assure you that I will do my best to raise the balance because I want the bank to transfer our funds into your bank account as soon as urgent, so I would try my possible best to arrange the remaining balance of $4,000 Dollars.
I will send my brother in-law to pay the $4000 USD to the lawyer with your name while you will send the balance $1000 dollars along, meanwhile in my next mail, I will send you letter which you will send to the lawyer regarding the payment. Finally once again, I will draft a letter and send it to you which you will forward to the bank lawyer email concerning the payment Ok.

Cammy doesn't share his opinion.

Quote:

I WONT BE ABEL 2 RITE MUCH COS WERE IN MELBURN 4 FASHUN WEEK & FUND RAZNG ISNT ON TEH GENDA, & WHUT TEH FUCK IS TEH DEAL WITH YR BIL, IF U SEND HIM 2 TEH BANK IN MY NAME U MITE AS WELL GIVE HIM A SINE SAING "INSIDE JOB", U NED 2 USE YR BRANES DEWD, SO DONT DO IT

He doesn't seem to have read her reply.

Quote:

Thanks for your mail, I am going to send my brother in-law to pay the $4000 Dollars directly to the lawyer on Monday, meanwhile don’t worry about our deal, i am not going to tell him anything about our transaction, i will only give him the money and the lawyer address here in Burkina Faso to help me pay the money to the lawyer Ok.
Now I am going to send you a letter which you will send to the bank lawyer to inform him that somebody will be coming to his office to pay some money to him on your behalf while you will send the balance along. Now I want you to send the below draft letter to the bank lawyer immediately and get back to me.

Cammy was scathing.

Quote:

NO NO NO I TOLD U 2 LEVE UR BIL OUT OF TEH DEAL, FREYJA HELP ME BUT Y WUD U WANT 2 LINK YRSEL 2 ME, LIKE I TOLD U B4, SEND YR BIL & U MITE AS WELL GIVE HIM A SINE "INSIDE JOB" & U R ROYLLY SCREWD!!!
TEH BEST IDEA IS 4 U 2 SEND TEH $4000 2 ME & I SEND TEH FULL MOUNT 2 TEH SHYSTAR & ITS ALL GUD OK?
I HAVE 2 GO OUT NAO & ITS A BIZY DAY 2DAY & i WANT 2 SEE SENTS FORM U WHEN I GET BACK

No, I'm not cash baiting - I just want to see him explain why Cammy's idea is not a good one.

Posted: Sat Aug 30, 2014 2:48 pm

Sounds like a sensible idea to me. Very Happy

Posted: Sat Aug 30, 2014 10:53 pm

Well, he did provide an excuse, of sorts.

Quote:

Thanks for your mail, my good Friend, if you want us to finish this transaction together then you have to follow my instruction Ok. I can’t send you the $4000 Dollars because I am going to spend a lot of money to transfer the $4000 USD to you, so it’s better I pay the money directly to the lawyer here in Burkina Faso Ok.
Don’t worry about our business, I am not going to tell my brother in-law anything about our transaction, I will only instruct him to pay the money to the lawyer with your name Ok. Kindly send the letter to the lawyer urgently because we don’t have much time to waste.
I wait to hear from you soon after sending the letter to the lawyer

Cammy's reply blends scorn with vanity.

Quote:

IM BACK FORM A BIZZY DAY & I GET YR EKSUSEZ, I HAD A GUD PLAN & U SAY NO Y? NOT 4 ANY RESON I CAN MAKE OUT, & U MIST TEH PONT TOTLLY AGAN, ITS NOT IF YR BIL KNOS BOUT TEH BIZ, ITS COS NOONE WUD BELEVE A BLONDE GLEBE GRRL LAIK ME WUD HAVE A FREND IN BUKKINA FARSO, THEY GOT MAI PIC SO THEY KNOW WHUT I LOOK LAIK (I BET THEY MADE LOTSA COPEZ 2), U SEE TEH PORBLEN DEWD?

Then this, sent separately:

Quote:

I SENT AN EMALE 2 MANGO DANGO & TOLED HIM I WUDNT BE AVEL 2 PAY RITE NAO & 2 WATE 4 A WHIL, IF U SEND UR BIL IM GONG 2 SAI TEH MONIEZ R NOT FRM ME, DONT BE STUPID LAIK THAT, IM KEEPNG U OUT OF GOAL SO DONT WINGE BOUT IT

.

The Lad had drafted this to send to the lawyer.

Quote:

SIR, I GOT YOUR CONTACT ADDRESS FROM THE BANK OF AFRICA (BOA) I AM THE NEXT OF KIN TO LATE MR. ANDRE4S 5CHRANNER AND I WAS INSTRUCTED BY THE BANK OF AFRICA, TO REACTIVATE THE DORMANT ACCOUNT OF MY LATE PARTNER BEFORE THEY WILL TRANSFER MY INHERITANCE FUNDS INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT.

SIR, I WAS INSTRUCTED BY THE BANK TO SEND YOU THE REACTIVATION FEES OF 3,450 EUROS FOR THE REACTIVATION OF THE DORMANT ACCOUNT OF MY LATE PARTNER TO ENABLE THE FUND TO BE TRANSFER INTO MY BANK ACCOUNT, SIR, I WILL BE SENDING MY LOCAL REPRESENTATIVE THERE IN BURKINA FASO TO PAY THE SUM OF $4,000 DOLLARS DIRECTLY TO YOU ON MY BEHALF WHILE THE BALANCE $1000 DOLLARS WILL BE SEND BY ME.

ONCE AGAIN, I WILL SEND MY FRIEND IN BURKINA FASO TO YOUR OFFICE AND HE WILL PAY THE SUM OF $4,000 DOLLARS DIRECTLY TO YOU SIR ON MY BEHALF WHILE I WILL SEND THE BALANCE $1,000 DOLLARS ALONG.
I WILL BE WAITING FOR YOUR URGENT RESPOND SIR,

What got sent was this.

Quote:

I AM TEH NOK 2 LATE MR. ANDRE4S 5SCHRANNER & I WAS TOLED BY TEH BANK OF AFRICA 2 RECTIVATE TEH DORMANT ACCUNT OF MY LATE PARTNER B4 THEY SEND TEH INHERTANCE FUND IN2 YOUR BANK ACCOUNT.

I WAS ALSO TOLED BY TEH BANK 2 SEND U TEH RECTIVATION FEES OF 3,450 EUROS 2 RECTIVAT TEH DORMANT ACCUNT OF MY LATE PARTNER SO TEH FUNDZ CAN BE TRANSFER 2 MY BANK ACCUNT, WELL I HAVE PRBLEMS IN PAYNG TEH FULL MOUNT 2 U SO U HAV 2 BE PATENT & WATE WHIL I SORT IT OUT & SEE WHUT CAN BE PAYED 2 U & WHEN, THAT’S ALL 4 NAO

This morning:

Quote:

I am not stupid my dear, I told you that I will send my brother in-law to pay the money to the lawyer while you will send the balance along, so what wrong if I send my brother in-law to pay my part to the lawyer? I contacted you in this transaction and I want you to following every instruction coming from me so that we can be successful on this business Ok.

I don’t have the $4000 dollars with me but somebody promise to borrow me the money next week; meanwhile if I succeed to collect the $4000 Dollars next week, I will send my brother in-law to pay the money directly to the lawyer secretary Ok. Now write to the lawyer again and inform him that somebody will be coming to his chamber to pay the sum of $4000 Dollars directly to his secretary on your behalf while you will send the balance along Ok.

I can’t send you the money because I will spend a lot of money to transfer the money to you, so it’s better I pay the money to the lawyer here to avoid overspending, don’t worry nothing will happen, just do what I ask you to do urgently so that we can proceed further on this project.

Seems he's not talking to the lawyer Lad. In the meantime, here's the slab of text he'll be seeing when he wakes up.

Quote:

STUPID IS AS STUPID SAYZ & U TOLED ME NOT 2 GET ANY1 ELSE IN2 TEH BIZ & NAO U SEND YR BIL 2 TEH SHYSTAR, DEWD ITS DUMAS & NOONEZ GONG 2 BELEVE I HAVE FRENDZ IN YR CUNTRY, THAYS Y I ROTE 2 TEH SHYDTAR & TOLED HIM 2 WATE WHIL I SORT OUT TEH MONIEZ, I DINT TELL HIM BOUT YR BIL, SO U CANT SEND HIM, & U SAY IT COSTS A LOT 2 SEND MONIEZ 2 U, O RLY, R U KIDING ME, IF IT SO FUCKING EKSPENSIV 4 U WONT IT COST ME LOTS 2, OR R U MAKING IT UP COS U DONT THINK IVE GOT TEH BRANES COS IM A GRRL?

Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2014 11:48 am

Monday morning this comes twice.

Quote:

Thanks for your mail, the reason why I told you that it’s going to cost me a lot of money to send you these money is because I am going to pay the sum of $4000 Dollars, It will cost me much money to transfer that $4000 Dollars to you, so it’s better I pay the money directly to the lawyer and I assure you that I will not tell anybody about our business Ok.
You are going to send $1000 Dollars, it will not cost you much to transfer the $1000 Dollars to the lawyer but it will cost me more than yours to send the $4000 Dollars to you. My good Friend, I don’t have the money yet but by tomorrow somebody promise to borrow me the $4000 USD, meanwhile immediately I collect the money I will send it to the lawyer and the receipt will be send to you Ok.
Finally, Please I assure you that nothing will happen to our business, just follow my instruction so that within a very short time those funds will be transfer into your bank account.

Cammy is still sulky.

Quote:

I ROTE 2 TEH SHYSTER & ITS UP 2 HIM NAO 2 GET TEH DELE MOVNG COS I CANT SEND TEH MONIEZ UNLES HE SAYS WERE 2 SEND IT

And:

Quote:

U KNO IF U CAN GET $4000 U CAN GET $5000 & PAY TEH SHYSTAR & ITS ALL GOLDEN, I WUDNY HAVE 2 SEND ANY MONIEZ @ ALL, MAKES SENTZ COS MANGO FUCKING DANGO CANT SHFIT HIS FATASS 2 SENT A REPLY & I CANY SEND MONIEZ UNLES I KNO MOAR DETALES!!!

The shyster finally writes back and Cammy responds thus.

Quote:

THANX 4 REPLYNG, BUT I SHUDNT HAVE 2 GIVE U A NUGE, & I DONT HAVE 2 BE TOLED TWEICE BOUT SENDNG TEH MONIEZ, REPETE, I DONT HAVE 2 BE TOLED TWEICE BOUT SENDING TEH MONIEZ, IM BLONDE BUT IM NOT DUMD, DO TEH NEDFULL PLZ

Ali is prepping for a reduced payday.

Quote:

How are you today? Hope you are fine, I just want to inform you that i have managed to borrow the sum of $3,850 USD today, I will pay the $3,850 Dollars to the lawyer this evening while you will send the balance along so that they will reactivate the dormant account and transfer our funds into your bank account Ok.
I will inform you after I paid the money to the lawyer Ok.

Cammy can't shake off concerns.

Quote:

IM STILL HAVNG DOUTZ, SUM1Z BOND 2 ASK SUMTHNG AKWARD, U GOT AN IDEER WHUT U MITE SAY THEN?
ANYHOO TEH SHSYSTER HASNT GIVN ME ANY DETALE BOUT SENDNG TEH MONIEZ, HE SHUD PULL HIS FUCKING FNGER OUT!

Then the shyster sends the "DETALES", and drops a clanger.

Quote:

KINDLY SEND THE BALANCE $1,250 DOLLARS ACCORDING TO THE INSTRUCTION AND SEND THE PAYMENT RECEIPT TO THIS HONORABLE CHAMBER SO THAT WE CAN REACTIVATE THE DORMANT ACCOUNT OF YOUR LATE PARTNER AND CHANGE THE NAME OF THE BENEFICIARY TO YOUR NAME TO ENABLE YOUR INHERITANCE FUNDS TO BE TRANSFERRED INTO YOUR NOMINATED BANK ACCOUNT INFORMATION GIVEN TO THE BANK.

Cammy is furious! First to Ali:

Quote:

I HERD FRM TEH FUCKER YEH, & HES PUHSED TEH PROCE UP, ANEXTRA $400, HES GOUGNG US TEH FUCKING BUTSMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Then to the shyster:

Quote:

TEH FEE U R CHARGNG IS 3450 ERUOS & THAT IS $4850 SO IF U WERE GIVN $3850 THEN I DONT SEND $1250 RITE? IF U SAY YES 2 THAT U R A REEL DUMAS OR A TOTAL CRIM & ILL SEE U IN HEL!

Unbelievably, Ali doesn't really care.

Quote:

Thanks for your mail; I paid the sum of $3,850 Dollars to the lawyer yesterday, meanwhile please send the balance $1,250 Dollars to the lawyer so that they can transfer our funds into your bank account, However Have you send the balance to the lawyer?
I wait for your good news,

Quote:

U R FUCKING KIDING ME RITE, TEH REST OF TEH FEES IS NOT $1250 BUT $1000, I CANT BELEVE U CUD BE SO RONG 2, I TOLD MANGODONGO HE CAN GO 2 HEL IF HE SAYS $1250 IS TEH RITE MOUNT.

More to come...

Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2014 12:08 pm

After some backing and forthing and urgings to pay the money, the Lads got the following (to lawyer and main Lad respectively).

Quote:

HOLD YR HOSES COS THNGZ DINT GO SO WEL & iM FULY SICK & U HAVE 2 WATE OK

Quote:

THNGZ WENT 2 HEL IN A HANDBARSKET 2DAY WEHN I TIRED 2 SEND TEH MONIEZ @ A MONYGRAM @ A 711, LITTEL BRASTED WUDNT SEND IT, SAD HE DINT SEND MONIEZ 2 WEST AFICA & THAT INCULDEZ BUKKINA FARGO, I WAS SCREMING @ HIM & SUM1 HOLERED 4 TEH COPZ & I WAS DRAGED OUT, AJ WAS CALED & HE WANTZ 2 KNO Y IM SENDNG MONIEZ 2 U, I HAVE A MYGRANE COS WE HAD A HUG ARGMENT, I NEED 2 SLEEP NAO

The main Lad bounced back in short order.

Quote:

Thanks for your effort so far, please tell them that you are sending the money to your Brother in Burkina Faso, please go to another money gram or western union; tell them that you are sending the money to your brother in Burkina Faso Ok.
Tell them in the Money Gram or Western Union, that your brother travel to Burkina Faso but have some problem there and you are sending him this money for him to travel out of Burkina Faso. Finally, Make sure they send the money and you should not tell them the reason why you are sending the money, Just tell them that you are sending the money to your Brother in Burkina Faso.
I wait to hear from you after sending the money to the lawyer,

Cammy will have issues with that, but not until she sleeps off her migraine...

Posted: Sun Sep 07, 2014 12:27 pm

Things have moved along somewhat, but not as the Lad expected.

Cammy responded to the send-it-to-your-brother cover story with scorn.

Quote:

WHUT TEH FUCK IS THAT SHIT, R U PISSD OR SUMTHNG, MY BRO IS NOT ELIHAGULAR OR WHUTEVAH, THATS A FUCKING STUPID SCEME, I WAKE UP & IVE STIL GOT A MYGRANE & I READ YR SHIT, IM GONG 2 TAKE SUM TRANKZ & MAIBE TOMORO AJ & I CAN KISS & MAKEUP

Next day's update:

Quote:

WELL AJ & ME R OK AGANE, WE HAD GUD SEX & TEH MYGRANES GONE, WELL U SHUD KNO WERE GONG TO 2 CUNTRYSIDE 2 MEET SUM SCADIANZ & DO A FANSTASY PHOTOSHOT & THATS OF TEH GRID SO IF U GOT A BETER IDEER DO IT SOON COS WELL BE OF 2MOROW MOARNNG & THEN ITS BACK 2 SYDNEY ON SUNDAY SO BRANEWURK FAST OR PARK YR ASS 4 TEH NEXT 4 DAYS DEWD

Quote:

LAST CHANSE DEWD, IF U DONT CUM UP WITH A NEW PLAN B4 FREYJA DAY NOON U GOT 2 WATE 4 SUNDAY, BALLZ IN YR CORY AGANE DEWD

(I was away for a LARP on that weekend)

Quote:

Thanks for your mail but i don’t understand what you are talking about, please go to the Western Union or Money Gram and send the balance $1000 Dollars to the lawyer, just do anything possible to make sure you send the money to the lawyer because that balance payment is the only thing delaying this transaction Ok.
Finally once again, Go to another Money Gram or Western Union and send the money immediately and send the payment information to the lawyer email.

Quote:

WHUT DONT U GET DEWD, ITS CLEIR AS A BEL, IF I GO 2 WU OR MG & SAY MAI BRO IS IN BUKKINA FARGO & HIS NAME IS EGGILUHAR OR WHUTEVAH NOONEZ GONG 2 BELVE A BLONDE NORDIC BABE LAIK ME HAS A BRO WITH A FUCKED UP NAME LAIK THAT, I TOLLED U TO CUM UP WITH A BETER IDEER & IT THATS YR BEST WERE GONG NEWEHRE FAST

Quote:

Thank for your mail, there is no need of telling the western union or money gram anything. Just give them the name of the receiver, the country name and instruct them to send the money according to your instruction Ok.
Western union or money gram doesn’t have any right to ask you why you are sending money to Africa because there is western union agent here in my bank, you just give the name of the person you are sending the money to and give them the country where the money is going Ok.
Please go to the western union or money gram urgently and send the balance $1000 Dollars to the lawyer so that they can process and transfer our funds into your bank account.
I wait to hear from you that you have sent the money to the lawyer,

Quote:

U FOGET IM IN AUSTRALIA & TEH ROOLZ 4 LOTZ OF THNGZ R DIFRENT, TEH GUYZ @ TEH 711 TOLED ME THEY HAVE ROOLZ BOUT PEEPZ SENDNG MONIEZ TO CUNTREYZ ON A LIST & BUKKINA FARGOS ON TEH LIST, ITS 2 DO WITH INTENET FRAUD STARS, SO IF I TRY 2 SEND TEH MONIEZ 2 MY BRO WITH TEH FUNY NAME IN BUKKINA FARGO IT WONT GET PAST GO, HEREZ A THOT, Y NOT HAVE TEH SHYSTER GET STATED, HES GOT MOST OF TEH MONIEZ, WE CAN SETEL UP WHEN ITS ALL DUN & DUSTED

Then I went away; Sunday night, I find this, sent late on Friday (emphasis added)

Quote:

Thanks for your mail, I am very disappointed with those people at the money gram, this transaction is true not fraud, so why are them refusing to send the money to Burkina Faso? However If you have any friends outside AUSTRALIA, please tell them to help you send the money to Burkina Faso or you can travel to the nearby country and send the money from western union or money gram there Ok.
You can also ask the lawyer to send you his receiving bank account information for the payment; the lawyer can send you his account information, so you can send the money to the lawyer account here in Burkina Faso Ok. Read this mail carefully and follow one of the three options Ok.

I had to give that a major slap.

Quote:

OMFG U R TEH KING OF TEH DUMASSES!!!!!! HOW TEH FUCK CAN I GO 2 ANTHER CUNTRY, U ECSPECT ME 2 FLY TO BALI OR NEW ZELAND, IM IN AUSTRALIA U DIPSHIT!!!!!!!!!! PLUS U SHUD REMEMBER HAU I DONT HAVE A PASPORT RITE????????

More to come!

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