Rotten Tomatoes

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Posted: Thu Aug 28, 2014 12:41 pm

I've got a lad that wants to invest in my country. As the founder of a great church in the West Country of England that just happens to have an investment banking division, I have decided to help him...under certain conditions. Twisted Evil

Quote:

Dear Walter
Thank you for getting back to me. Before we continue, perhaps I should tell you a little bit about myself and my church.

It was 1969, in a crude meeting hall near the railway station in my home town of Polperrow in Cornwall, where the Church of the Bloody Mary can trace its roots. There, a group of eight sincere Christians of which I was one had a deep desire for a closer relationship and life with Christ. Realizing the futility of reforming existing churches, and after much prayer, I had a vision of the Virgin Mary which I and my fellows saw appear on the skin of a large tomato that was sitting in the fruit bowl in the centre of the table at which we were sitting. She urged us to start a new Church in Her name, to be called the Church of the Bloody Mary because of the redness of the tomato showing through Her spectral form, symbolising Christ's blood, whose objective would be to restore sound scriptural doctrines of the Bible, encourage deeper consecration and promote evangelism and Christian service. Forty-five years after the formation of our Christian Union that evening at the Polperrow Masons' Hall, our growing movement would establish itself permanently as the Church of the Bloody Mary and place the Tomato as its emblem in honour of the method through which the Virgin first showed Herself to us.
From this seemingly insignificant origin has grown one of the most influential Pentecostal denominations in the West Country of the United Kingdom. For 45 years the Church of the Bloody Mary has been a distinctive movement focused upon communicating the Gospel in the power of the Holy Spirit. Presently, the Church of the Bloody Mary has a UK wide membership of over 4,000 with a presence in nearly 150 towns in the Counties of Devon, Corwall and Somerset. Leaders of the Church of the Bloody Mary are recognized as some of the greatest Pentecostal leaders to be found anywhere west of Bristol.

The call of the Church of the Bloody Mary today beckons back to those early days at Polperrow. Church of the Bloody Mary congregations around the West Country are experiencing the fire of the Holy Spirit today more than ever. Reports of revivals where gullible hypochondriacs are saved and filled with the Holy Spirit are frequent and continuing. The call of the Church of the Bloody Mary is for world evangelisation and although we are small, we are a highly social group that has great wealth thanks to our well heeled membership giving generously to our coffers at our numerous coffee mornings . It is a call to discipleship, prayer and cream teas. It is a call of commitment to unquestioning acceptance of doctrine. It is a call for the Church of the Bloody Mary to be a channel for Pentecostal revival well into the next decade.

As a result, membership is a highly prized and rarely granted honour which calls for great devotion. Anyone can attend our revival meetings but only committed that show great devotion are called upon to join us. This devotion is demonstrated by our members in the form of a tattoo of a Tomato, applied to the left forearm, representing the first appearance of the Blody Mary in 1969. We hold the Tomato as a holy symbol of God's love for us as a Church and as aresult we are forbidden from eating these sacred things.

As a Reverend and Founding Pastor in the Church which I founded in Christ's name after the vision came to me and the other Founders, I am very excited to pass on the Word to all those whom God has chosen to hear it. I have built many Churches throughout the Godless Lands of Cornwall and Somerset over the last thirty years so I have a great deal of experience in these matters. We are a very wealthy Church and I would be very happy to give you all the assistance, both Spiritual and financial, that I can. I would only ask one thing in return...it is written in our Church's rules, given to me while I spoke with the Bloody Mary during the Vision, that you must become a member of our Church in order for me to help you. If you consent to this, you will be Blessed in the eyes of The Bloody Mary and our Church and as such will be eligible for all the assistance that the Investment Bank arm of our Church can muster.

My contact address is:

Rev. J J Hackenbush
Church of the Bloody Mary
The Vicarage
66 Fairycake Lane
Polperrow
Cornwall
UK

Unfortunately I have no telephone as I am becoming increasingly hard of hearing and can no longer use one. Email at this address will have to suffice.

Kindest Regards

J J Hackenbush