Inheritance Lad WB

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Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2014 8:09 am

My first bait just kind of fizzled out, I'm not really sure why. This is my second and seems to be going reasonably well.

Opening message:

Quote:

Inheritance claim that matches your name.Reach me for further details via mail _______@____

Jeremy's first reply:

Quote:

I don't know anything about this. Please provide me with more details.
Jeremy Valley.

A lot of details arrive:

Quote:

Hello Again Jeremy,

Good day to you. Thanks for your swift response to my mail.
I am WB, a banker with _____ Bank. I am the head of a
committee that is investigating and looking for a relative to one of
our good, commendable and credible client who passed away some time
ago. There is an account that was created in our branch long time ago
but until now has not been operational since 2008, because the owner
was involved in a car accident and died.

<<<Snip, snip>>>owner of this account is a very
Wealthy person, <<<Snip, snip>>> there
was no will nor next of kin to the account <<<Snip, snip>>>

Nevertheless the most important thing is I know for sure that you are
not in any way related to this person and the bank is just looking for
a scheme to have these funds but firstly they needed to follow due
process by doing what they are conducting right now which they know
would be of no essence because I have personally done my own research
on the late deceased files and records with the bank and also on my
own because he lived and worked in Europe permanently although his
business spread across to the united states and other parts of the
world but I am very happy that you bear the same name with the
deceased. From my personal findings he was a very single man. After
the bank does this investigation, they turn the money in and have it
for their own trade especially the top men here at _____ Bank here
where I work and they could share the funds because we are talking
about a lot of money here.

<<<Snip, snip>> I will wait for you to suggest what percentage you are
willing to have in helping <<<Snip, snip>>

As soon as I hear from you I will give you all guidelines and
procedures to facilitate the transfer of this fund to any account of
your choice. Should you be interested? Contact me urgently for the way
forward but please can i get to trust you sincerely that we can work
together because I am counting on this greatly and would not want to
lose these funds at the end of this transaction and Please assure me
that you will act according to my specification herein and please
remember that the confidentiality of this perspective is very much
necessary for safety purposes and also because of my job. I will give
you my personal mobile number so we can talk better and for easier
communication

Yours Sincerely,

WB

Jeremy's offer:

Quote:

Hello Mr William,
Sorry for the delay but I've been a little tied up with business my end. I still need more information but I think 25% for me, 75% for you seems reasonable. Let me know what you think.

A lot more details arrive:

Quote:

I was the officer assigned to his case...
I encouraged him to consider various growth funds with prime ratings...
In January last year,..inactivity of that particular portfolio...
Four days later, information started to trickle in, apparently he was dead...
We share the proceeds 50/50...
I am aware of the consequences of this proposal..I ask that you do not be vindictive and destructive...
I am not a criminal...
I will also want to know if you can travel out of your country for this purpose and the success of this transaction?

Jeremy was certainly pleased to know that he's not a criminal. After another email asking for confirmation of receipt:

Quote:

Hello WB,
I did receive your email, it's very clear. Thank you. The arrangement all sounds fine but I do feel that a 50/50 split is a bit too generous on your behalf.
As an employee of the bank you're taking a big risk so I think we'll need to discuss a split that better reflects your contribution to this deal.
Until I next year from you, let me assure you of my complete discretion in this matter.

Yours,

Jeremy

He still thinks 50/50 is the way to go:

Quote:

Hello Jeremy,

Good to hear from you and i want you to understand clearly that i appreciate your sincerity and the way you take this perspective close to heart which i exactly what we need for the success of this transaction in good faith.In regards the 50/50 share of the funds at the end of this transaction i want you to know that i perfectly thought about it before informing you of the sharing pattern and moreover i deem it fit that since we are both into this together it should be a fair share because there is a lot for us to do here for the success of this transaction and i am going to be handling my part for its success and you would do the same thus we should be on the same slate.Eight million,five hundred and twenty thousand pounds is a lot of money for us to share equally and it would go a long way for both me and my family sincerely for me to invest and also give my kids the best they deserve.This is an opportunity of a lifetime thus i will not want anything to jeopardize the success of this transaction hence i appreciate the way you have taken this project seriously because it is no joke but reality.

In my last e-mail to you i asked you if you can travel for the purpose of this transaction to Europe?I need to know a.s.a.p to enable me work out arrangements including all necessary documentation in your name for the success of this transaction.Kindly do get back to me with an answer clearly for me to know so that we proceed further without any delays as you know time is of essence to this transaction.

I wait to hear from you for me to give you the urgent next step and details for us to move forward and have this moving on and within the shortest period of time with your promptness we are sure to have this successfully done and put smiles on our faces and that of our families respectively.

One more thing Jeremy kindly be prompt in your response to enable us have this done soonest.I appreciate your time and dedication to this perspective as it is worth doing because you will not regret been a part of this transaction because you will gain graciously afterwards.

And, after letting him cook for a little while:

Quote:

How are you today? Hope you are doing well? I am still waiting for your response <<<Snip, snip>>> time is of essence to this transaction and time is fast taken. <<<Snip, snip>>>

I wait to hear from you and also with a answer to my last question if you can travel to Europe for the successful purpose of this transaction

Europe? Yeah:

Quote:

Hi WB,
Sorry, I thought I had sent you a reply but I don't seem to have a record of it, so I guess not. I'm in Europe and can move around but I'd need a bit of notice or I'll have questions I don't want to answer. Where exactly will I need to travel to?

Quote:

Dear Jeremy,

Thanks for your response.I appreciate your the way you handle your business dealings as it makes me know i am dealing with a serious minded person.You are to travel to Spain.Can you?If you can upon your response then i will give you further details for us to proceed further without any further delays for us to have this transaction finalized without any further delays and in time.

I wait to hear from you a.s.a.p

Quote:

WB,
Spain, I can do quite easily. Will I be meeting you there?

Which somehow got us off first name terms:

Quote:

Hello Again,

Thank you very much for your email response and your enthusiasm to assist me in this project.I have exhaustively considered your response today and I am satisfied that you have an understanding of the need for absolute secrecy in this pending project, hence my firm belief that I can count on your total support and confidentiality. I would proceed without any reservation to bring you into the complete picture of this transaction. Before doing this, I would again like to reiterate the importance of confidentiality, as I am a career banker who is still in active service and would not like my names Plural? to be brought to odium or my long tenure in office jeopardized.

I will be fully conscious in the pursuit of this project to make sure that we do not go against any local or international laws of funds transfer. You must understand that I am a family man and presently still serving here in the bank (_____ Bank). What I intend doing is to have your details that is your full name as documented, your telephone and fax numbers to contact you on as regards the transfer, your physical contact address, your age and as well as any identification from you as a sign of your sincerity and transparency which i will appreciate greatly and i will also forward mine as well because i need us to work together in one accord, sincerity and confidentiality.

<<<Snip, snip>>> kindly reconfirm the following informations and details to enable me start filling and processing your details for onward transfer to the payment center in Spain

Your complete Name

Home Address

Home Number

Cell Phone Number

Occupation

A scan copy of your ID, for official and documentation purposed only.Also please note that this project will require you to be aware from your present country of residence for 72 hrs, and also you will have to make provision for your accommodation and other logistics expenses that you will incur in the course of this project.Why i will take care of all documentation in your name to put you as the beneficiary of these funds in good faith.

I will also like to know more about your biography to further increase my level of trust and confidence in you as I am afraid that anyone can make away with my entire funds once it gets to his/her possession. I want you to please make me believe in you that you will not let me down. <<<Snip, snip>>>

I will await further response from you.

All well and good, but what about you coming to Spain?:

Quote:

Hello WB,
I think the easiest thing to do would be for you to meet up with me in Spain when I go to collect the transfer. That way I can just sign your share over to you immediately.

I guess not:

Quote:

Dear Jeremy,

I have received your mail and understand perfectly what you have stated but you have to understand that i won't be able to meet you in Spain due to work and also for the success of this transaction because my bank must not know that i am involved in this transaction hence i need your sincerity in handling this perspective for us.you have to go over to Spain and have this finalized and upon the finalization of this transaction i will come over to meet with you in your country.Meanwhile i requested for some details from you to enable arrange necessary documentations in your name for the success of this transaction but i have not received any of these details from you.You have to understand that we have to be on the same slate and also avoid any delays from any angle because time is of essence to this transaction.

I am waiting for your response with the details requested and i will forward to you the details of the vaulting company for you to contact them and begin immediate process of your dealings to have the funds in their possession given to you as the beneficiary.

Get back to me a.s.a.p

At which point Jeremy's RL persona started having some internet connectivity issues:

Quote:

Where are you resided Jeremy?Are you in the United States? I already told you I'm in Europe

Quote:

Dear Sir,

I have been waiting for your response with the necessary details of yours i requested from you but till date Jeremy no word from you and this gives me worries because like i told you earlier time is of essence to this transaction.I know you are a busy man likewise myself but because i know this is worth doing and a lot of funds involved i have to dedicate my time to it but right now you are delaying this process i must tell you sir which is not good for the success of this transaction in good faith.

Kindly furnish me with the details requested and immediately i get it i will forward to you the details of the vaulting company so that you can contact them and expedite immediate actions immediately Fantastic! so we can have this finalized in good faith without any further delays.

I wait to hear from you immediately

Jeremy's excuse:

Quote:

WB,
I'm really sorry about the delay. I've got a bit of a family crisis going on, my grandmother is very ill. I would've let you know sooner but she has a phone, nothing else. No internet connection and where she lives doesn't get any mobile coverage. I've just driven 40km to the nearest town where I get a mobile signal. I should be at home tomorrow or the next day and I'll send you the info you need as soon as I do.
Once again, I am sorry,
Jeremy.

Which seems to have worked:

Quote:

Hello Jeremy,

Thanks for your mail. Extend my greetings to your grandmother. She will surely get well soon in no time. I wait to have the details as soon as you return back home. All the best Jeremy

Best Regards,

WB

Enquiry:

Quote:

Hello Jeremy,

How are you today? Hope you are doing well? How is your grandmother doing? Hope she is getting better? Just checking up on you and to know how your grandmother is doing now. Are you back home now?

Best Regards,

WB

As Granny's health seems like a good reason to leave him stewing for a few days, better introduce the possibilty of it happening again:

Quote:

Hello WB,
Thank you for your concern, it means a great deal to me. She's over the worst, for now, but she's 96 so it probably won't be long before she gets ill again. To be honest we didn't think she'd make it this time but she's a bit of a warrior, even her doctor was quite impressed.
I'm on my way home now. I expect to arrive late tonight, it's a long drive.
Once again, thank you.

Regards,
Jeremy.

To Avoid Delays Jeremy:

Quote:

Dear Jeremy,

Good to hear from you.I totally agree with you that your grandmother is a warrior because at 96 and still fighting on she is indeed a strong woman.My maternal grand mother was a very strong woman as well and passed on a little to 100.Well prayer is the key Jeremy and i know with all the prayers we all are saying for her and with the love of yours and your family she would stay more longer not to worry OK?

Meanwhile...because time is of essence to this transaction at hand right now. Due to your busy schedule and also because of your grandmother's state of health <<<Snip, snip>>> and all you need do is have an intermediary offshore bank account opened in your name <<<Snip, snip>>> i will look up for an intermediary offshore bank that their services are very commendable and that operate on the basis of customer privacy and i will forward their information to you for you to contact them and have an account opened with them immediately why i perfect all documentations for the success of this transaction in good faith.

Let us not waste time but use all our time right now to have this all done and put smiles on our faces and that of our families respectively

I wait to hear from you and have a safe trip back home. I expect the details required from you.

Best Regards,

WB

Jeremy doesn't know anything about off-shore banking:

Quote:

Hello WB,
My grandmother was pleased by your concern, she sends her thanks.

I don't know much about using off-shore accounts. If you could recommend one to me, I'd be very grateful.
Cheers,

Jeremy.

Details Required Jeremy:

Quote:

Dear Jeremy,

Good to know your grandmother got my message. She is in my prayers each day. I will look up an offshore bank for you so that you can contact them and have an account opened with them for this purpose and future purposes as well. I am still waiting for the information i have requested for i.e your full names, full contact address, telephone number for me to proceed and have the necessary documents arranged in your favour to put you as the beneficiary of these funds.

I wait to have the details a.s.a.p and i will get back to you with the offshore bank's details as soon as i look it up at our database.

Regards,

WB

Yeah well, that can wait for a couple of days:

Quote:

Hello Jeremy,

Why all the delays from your end in regards forwarding the details i requested from you. I need these details to have the necessary documents arranged for the success of this transaction and time is of essence to this transaction. I do not know why this is taking like forever for you to have this information forwarded to me. Every information received in the transaction is strictly for this transaction and nothing more and the earlier we get this moving the better for us Jeremy. I am looking up for the offshore intermediary bank details immediately i get it i will have it forwarded to you.Kindly do have the details requested from you sent to me today so that i can forward it to the lawyer to start immediate process of the documents without any further delays.In this transaction we are sure to succeed and not lose so why do we waste all this time.

I wait to hear from you a.s.a.p

Best Regards,

WB

Jeremy finally sent some of the details and is waiting to hear about a bank he can clos..er..use.

Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2014 10:43 am

All this delay works to your benefit-this lad is getting more invested in your character.

Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2014 3:35 pm

Laddy got back to Jeremy about the details he sent.
Received/Acknowledgement Jeremy:

Quote:

Dear Jeremy,

How are you today? Hope you are doing well? I have received your details as requested although you did not include your contact telephone number for easier communication because once the funds are approved and transferred into your intermediary offshore bank account that you will open and forward the ball is in your court hence we need to communicate more often via telephone as you know the bank in which i work ____ Bank doesn't have to know i have any involvement in this transaction thus the confidentiality of this transaction as it is highly important for it's success as i am sure you understand me perfectly on this basis.

I will be forwarding your information across to the attorney immediately to enable him start immediate process of the needed documentations to put you as the beneficiary of these funds immediately and immediately the documents are ready i will forward copies to you for your perusal and records. I am still looking up for the intermediary offshore bank information from our database to forward to you and i will get it across to you as soon as possible so keep up the good faith my brother.

How is your grandmother doing now? Hope she is better now and stronger now Jeremy?

Kindly acknowledge the receipt of this mail

Best Regards,

W

And finally some details about the bank he should contact to open an account:

Quote:

Dear Jeremy,

How are you today? Hope you are doing well? I am sorry I have not gotten across to you earlier it is due to my wife’s medical condition as she has fallen into coma since the day before yesterday so i had to travel out of London to Belfast. Right now as I speak she is still in coma and I am praying seriously that she gets out of it because the doctor said she has to come out of coma before they can start treating her as she has been diagnosed with cancer. I have looked for the intermediary offshore bank and I came across a very commendable one with their services superb. The details below:

EUROPE ARAB BANK.
Email: [email protected]
Contact Person: Xxxx Xxxx.
Contact Address: Paseo de la Castellana 31, Planta baja 28046 Madrid-Spain.
Direct Tel: +34 63... (24HRS)

I have forwarded your information across to the lawyer and he informed me that he has started process of the documents in your name. He is going to arranging the Will, The death Certificate and i will also forward you the certificate of deposit all for your records and perusal. he said he will have the documents ready before the week runs out or by weekend and he will copies sent to me which I will forward to you with a text application letter that you will fill and sign and he will proceed to the bank here (Northern Bank) formally to present the documents and application to the bank putting you as the beneficiary of the deceased and the funds he left behind. Then get an approval and then the funds would be authorized to be transferred to you.

Do contact the bank immediately and have your account opened with them in which you alone would be the signatory and when opened all you do is fill in the account number and details in the text application letter that I will send to you which you will forward to the lawyer. The lawyer has billed me the sum of eighteen thousand, five hundred pounds for these documents, retainer-ship and representation and I have given him half of the funds the day before yesterday before hearing of my wife’s state.

Kindly put my wife in your prayers as prayers is the key. I can’t wait to have this finalized because the funds are needed seriously and immediately this is over with I plan retiring from the banking industry to give my family all the attention and best they need. Less I forget Jeremy what can I invest wisely with my share of my funds. I am thinking of real estate. Let me know partner. How is your grandmother? Hope she is better now and stronger?

Best Regards,

W

The bank seems real enough but the domain for the contact e-mail address was different to those on the banks website

But, you're right. I didn't include a telephone number:

Quote:

Hi W,
I'm very sorry to hear about your wife's condition. I do hope she isn't suffering too much and that she gets better soon. I'm sure your support is a great help to her.

I have received the contact details for the bank and will get in touch with them immediately.
As far as my details go, I don't have a phone at my house and my mobile is provided and paid for by my work so, given the confidential nature of our arrangement, I think it best not to have our communication on a bill that I don't receive or even see.

Best wishes to Mrs B,

Jeremy

Building trust. Jeremy's apparently. Nothing like an obviously tampered with passport to add trust to a relationship.
"A copy of my international Passport":

Quote:

Hello Jeremy,

How are you today?Hope you are doing well?Have you contacted the bank yet?What is the status?I have attached a copy of my international passport for your records and transparency.Just as i am trusting on you i need you to trust on me too because with trust all things are possible.Kindly acknowledge the receipt of this mail and keep me posted if you have contacted the bank.

Regards,

W

Forgot to mention Dear Old Granny.

Quote:

Sorry, I was a bit taken aback to hear about
your wifes troubles and forgot to answer your question about
my grandmother. She's back on her feet and accusing all
of us of worrying about nothing.

Thanks,
Jeremy.

Received/Update:

Quote:

That's good news Jeremy.Happy to hear that she is strong again just hoping my wife get's out of coma soonest.Did you receive my passport copy?Have you contacted the bank yet?What's the status?

Jeremy contacts the bank:

Quote:

Mr Xxxx Xxxx,

A business associate of mine advised me to contact you with regards to opening an account with your bank.
I'd prefer to do that online but he didn't provide me with a web address through which to go about it.
Kindly get back to me with the details you need from me and, if possible, a time scale to get my account up and running.

Your sincerely,

Jeremy Valley

Awaiting reply and hoping there's an online service.

Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 11:54 am

The bank replied to Jeremy's email:

Quote:

Attn: Jeremy Valley

We are in receipt of your email and in line with our corporate policy, as a non-resident of SPAIN; How do they know this from the email above? you are required to set up a non-resident online account with us before any capital transfers can be conducted. They seem to know already what the account is going to be used for, as well. As soon as all necessary verification is concluded, you will have your account setup.

Please be informed that setting up a non-resident online transit account is a simple exercise as stated below for your perusal.

1. Simply fill out the offshore account opening form attached and send to us by fax or email attachment.

2. Be notified of account initial deposit of €1,500 EUROS (One Thousand, Five Hundred EUROS Only)

We shall have our payment information given to you immediately we receive your duly filled account opening forms and a valid copy of your identification documents.

Let it be known to you that as soon as you meet up with every of our requirements stated above, we shall provide you with our online access codes and password for you to conduct your transactions through the use of our online banking services.

Thank you for your interest in our bank.

Regards,

The form they attached includes:

Quote:

I request the opening of an Account and confirm that the above information supplied are true. I agree to the
terms and conditions on the reverse of this application.

But there is no reverse, it's only one page.

Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2014 8:00 am

We're not too happy about "Terms and Conditions" on the back of a PDF: (Tried looking. Just black plastic and some cables)

Quote:

Ms Arm@nda R0$@rio €$teb@n,

Thank you for the information, but before I sign a form that references 'terms and conditions on the reverse of this application', I think I need to see the reverse of the application.
I'm really not in the habit of binding myself to conditions that I've not been made aware of.

Sincerely,

Jeremy Valley

And at the same time see what Laddy has to say about finding a different bank:

Quote:

Hi W,

I received a reply from the bank including an application form to fill in but just above where I'm supposed to sign the form it says:-
"I agree to the terms and conditions on the reverse of this application."
But it's a one page document with no reverse side and I'm not signing anything that binds me to conditions that I haven't been provided with. I've written back to them asking for clarification of the Terms and Conditions but, at this point, I'm not very happy with the choice of bank. I understand completely that the way they conduct business is not your fault but I'd appreciate it if you could find me another option for me. You and I have been completely open about the terms of our arrangement and I would like that openness to continue with the choice of bank to use.

Has your wife's condition improved at all since you last contacted me? I hope so.

Regards,

Jeremy

The bank replies with a rather flaky excuse for its Term and Conditions:

Quote:

Attn: Jeremy Valley.

Our terms and conditions on the reverse of our applications sent to you simply states that your offshore banking account with this institution has a number of options to help you grow your assets, tax-free, and with zero reporting to tax authorities.

In order to provide our customers with the most secure investments with the highest interest, EUROPE ARAB BANK has adopted the Swiss Tradition of purchasing Term Deposits/Interest on Deposit (TD/IDs) from its partner banks on behalf of its customers. In most cases these TD/IDs are tax-free.

Term Deposits/Interest on Deposit are available in 12, 6, 3 and 1 month terms. These Deposits may be denominated in Euros, US Dollars, or British Pounds Sterling. Because of the current market fluctuations, EUROPE ARAB BANK obtains rate as per interest quotes from its banking partners as soon as we ascertain the exact amount you are depositing with this great institution.

While moving your money offshore is a superb way to reduce your exposure to frivolous litigation, unfavorable changes in tax laws, and criminal activities in your home country, most people who move larger sums of money offshore want to make sure that their money continues to "work" for them. This means putting your funds to work in some kind of investment.

Investing your money offshore means different things to different people however. This includes those that personally manage their own funds, and those that pay for professional, third party management. Third-party management can include a custom-tailored portfolio of various securities, or simply placing your money with a managed stock or bond mutual fund or commodity or currency exchange traded fund (ETF). Through your EUROPE ARAB BANK offshore account, you can opt for hands on flexibility to trade a number of the most popular markets. In addition, if you don't want to be involved in making day to day investment decisions our accounts offer you some options to simplify your life while still achieving respectable investment returns -- especially when the inherent tax benefits of offshore investing are factored into your total return.

We also offer a broad array of investment options for active traders or those that prefer to take a more proactive approach in the day-to-day management of their money. Our anonymous investment accounts offer a broad array of markets, including Canadian and US stocks, Options, Commodities, Futures, Forex and CFD. All trades are accomplished through fully segregated EUROPE ARAB BANK sub accounts. So, you are free to trade the markets in anonymity. In addition to the investment options listed above, EUROPE ARAB BANK can create structures which can ensure your anonymity in almost any investment you have an interest in.

Our policies here are quite different from what you get elsewere in europe and this is because we are private bankers who shields our customers money from the prying eyes of the public.

Upon the receipt of your duly filled offshore account opening application, a valid copy of your identification documents and your refundable initial deposit of €1,500 EUROS, An active non-resident online account account would be activated in your favor within the next 24hours and we would have all your account details sent to you.

We can only do business with our clients when there is 100% trust and respect for our banking policies.

Thank you for your interest in our bank.

Regards,
Arm@nda R0$@rio €$teb@n
For: AB

Which Laddy chooses to defend:

Quote:

Hello Jeremy,

Thanks for your mail.My wife is still seriously in Coma and it gives me so much worries.You said in your mail that there is a clarification page which i do not understand but you should be aware that every institution has its terms and condition thus you need to contact them and know exactly what is needed to be done.I will be having the documents from the lawyer later today as he informed me.Let me know the status immediately.

Regards,

W

Predictable, but how did they know that Jeremy is not in Spain? Maybe Laddy knows:

Quote:

W,

I did contact them, they sent me a brief rundown of their terms and conditions but it didn't seem very complete.
Did you contact the bank about me before I sent them an email?

Jeremy,

He says he doesn't:

Quote:

No i did not contact the bank before given them your information and you must understand that the confidentiality of this transaction is most important,my bank where i work mustn't know of my involvement in this perspective.If a bank contacts you with their terms and conditions it is regular as every institution has it's terms and conditions.Northern Bank London here where i work has it's rules,regulations,terms and conditions.The lawyer got back to me this evening informing me that the documents should be ready anytime soon so i need you to have the account opened and the information kept because once the documents are out now there is no more time rather the lawyer moves ahead to have this done and have the funds approved for transfer into your designated bank account which is this intermediary bank account that you need to have opened now in which you alone is the signatory.Do you understand?

Ok, but:

Quote:

Hello W,

The reason I asked is that I didn't mention you in the email I sent to the bank asking for information. But their reply stated that I am a "non-resident of SPAIN". How did they know this already?
They also seemed to know what I would be using the account for.

Jeremy.

Jeremy's friend, with a name as Spanish as Paella, has also been in contact with the bank. They seem to think he's a "non-resident of SPAIN", as well. Might have to see where that leads.

Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2014 7:07 am

So, as Jeremy isn't about to deposit €1500 to open his new account (And is still new to playing the hapless victim) some time needs wasting. He also doesn't own, or recall ever having used, a fax machine but the bank did offer to receive his application by fax. But they neglected to provide a number to fax it to. Only when the reply comes back does he remember that he can't fax it. But, as it's important, recorded delivery will do nicely:

Quote:

Ms Arm@nda R0$@rio €$teb@n,

According to the postal service you received my Account Opening Application from on Monday 1st September but I haven't had any sort of response from you.
Kindly let me know what's happening.

Sincerely,

Jeremy Valley

No reply from the bank to that but Laddy's starting to get impatient:

Quote:

I have not heard from you for some days.Why is that?...Attached here is copies of the documents for your perusal and records The will even had a stylised scales of justice on it...Have you opened the account as supposed Jeremy?...we have just this week fluid concept? to have this done because time is of essence...
RE:Very Very Urgent Jeremy(Why this silence) What is happening from your end?No word from you,no acknowledgement that you have received the documents...we are the high point of this transaction...now the way you are taking this transaction is really breaking my heart because of your silence...This is no joke...you are putting me in the dark and it gives me cause to worry...i should not be left in the dark and stranded in mind Not quite 'Stredded' but that's goin' in my sig...for God sake let us have this done without any further delays

I've been busy here still making up for the time I lost when I went to see my grandmother. I did get the forms you forwarded from the lawyer, thank you.

But I'm still waiting to hear from the bank. I sent the form recorded delivery and have had confirmation of its receipt, on Monday, from the postal service but I've received no confirmation from the bank.
Until I do, I can't do anything and I, as much as you, realise that time is passing whilst we're waiting. I get the impression that you know the contact at the bank,or have at least dealt with them in the past.
You also know my details, tell them to sort it out.

Which seems to have got the temperature in Lad land to start rising:

Quote:

I work in a bank remember?We have access to different bank data and as a banker i can recommend a bank to anyone because i can look up their services and keep that individual,institution or any cooperate bodies informed duly.In this transaction Jeremy we are in together thus on my end here i have done everything possible to makesure that we sail through this perspective smoothly without any hurdles hence you should do your part without any delays if you have contacted the offshore bank and they have not gotten back to you then you should call them up or write to them again and again and get your account opened.I do not understand what you mean you have the impression that i know them and thus i should tell them.You are the one in contact with them so get this done Jeremy.You are a business man and you should know how to tackle your business.You made contact with the bank to get an account opened then sought it out Brother.This is no joke Jeremy and as i speak right now the lawyer is waiting for the application letter from you so that he can present it to the bank and get this moving but no word from you and you are not taking this seriously because you should know that time is of essence to this transaction and by the time you have the account opened with the bank now and have the application sent to the lawyer we should be counting days and hours to have this finalized and the funds released to you and i am talking about precisely fourteen banking days to have it finalized so why are you wasting so much time.You should have this done immediately and the only way to have this done is for you to get this done without any further delays because you are sure to gain graciously afterwards and when this is done and the funds in your possession you would not have all this stress rather think how the funds can be invested wisely.

I trust on you Jeremy and appreciate your personality kindly get this done and let us move on without any delays Brother.

I wait to hear from you

We'll tweak that dial just a little bit more:
I emailed the bank yesterday to ask what was going on but, again, no response.

I thought the contact you gave me for the bank might also be a personal contact of yours and that you might therefore be able to influence them to be a little bit quicker in getting back to me.
I'll try them again.

Yep, 'You know the banker' does seem to work:

Quote:

RE: DissapointedWhat are you talking about Jeremy?Do you take this as a joke if that is what you take this transaction then please let me know because i am not a joker my friend.How can you send me a mail saying you thought the bank contact i gave you might also be my personal contact?What exactly is the matter with you Jeremy?I really do not appreciate such a statement from you.If that is how you think about me then i must tell you that i am highly disappointed in you sincerely.You think i will spend all the money i spent on the documents if i know this is a joke but because i know once this is successfully done i will have more than enough to give my family the best they deserve.My wife is lying down in an hospital bed and you think i like that?Eight million pounds and some fractions is a lot of money my friend and my involving you as a partner is strictly because your name matches with the deceased name and you have seen the documents to see the names match. I gave you the offshore bank details for you to get across to them and have an account opened in which you alone would be the signatory and that is all that is needed and you cannot simply do that and you say you thought it would be my personal contact.Jesus i am really shocked.If i have access to the bank and if it was my personal contact then why would i tell you to contact them i am really surprised at you.Please get serious if you aren't because this is no joke and i seriously want us to have this done without any further delays.On my wife's health i swear to you if this is a joke i would not even have any contact with you but it is for real and we need to have this done.At the end of this transaction when you have the funds with you i will be with you and you sincerely owe me an apology for the way you take me now because i really do not find it funny Jeremy

That's not very polite:

Quote:

W, I think you need to calm down. It's perfectly reasonable to think you might know people in the banking world and that, for a deal of this importance, you might put me in touch with someone you know or have dealt with in the past. Someone with a proven track record, someone that you know is personally discrete, as well as working for a bank that has a reputation for discretion. I'm an engineer, if someone I know is dealing with a different engineering firm and feels that they're not being dealt with as swiftly as possible, then either me or my boss have got enough clout to get it sorted out. Or recommend someone else and if it comes to recommending someone I'm going to open my own address book. Not the Yellow Pages.
So, if you want an apology, you've got it. Whole heartedly. Yeah, right But I said to you when the bank sent me their information that i wasn't convinced about them, that something felt wrong. At which point you assured me that I had nothing to worry about. Now they seem to be refusing to acknowledge any of my communication with them. I sent them the form, they haven't done anything about it, even though I know they've received it. I sent them an email on Wednesday asking what the hell is going on and they haven't replied.
I've copied the letter to the lawyer and am waiting to send it back to you but, until I hear from the bank, there's information missing from it.

Regards to your family, your wife's condition must be particularly hard for your kids.

At which point the bank finally got back came saying they didn't give any instructions to post the form to them. But they didn't say Don't, either.
And the (padded) slap seems to have worked:

Quote:

I have received your mail.Apology accepted and accept my my apologies too for over reacting on the other hand it's just right now a lot of pressure on me from the family.My wife's condition is really making everything very sad for me right now and the family as well.Upon receiving your mail i had to go down to our database analyst to get me list of ethical offshore banks and that their services are commendable because i quite agree with you that this particular offshore bank has really delayed because they are not customer friendly as i included in their report and i must say they have loosed a good customer like yourself.After due search i got another offshore bank with score mark customer friendly 80% which is a very commendable bank.The bank is in Ukraine.Kindly contact the bank immediately and have an account opened and fill the application form immediately so that the lawyer can proceed.We need to have this finalized this week and the funds approved and transferred into your offshore bank account without any further delays.The bank details below:

XXXX
XXXX
XXXX
XXXX

Once more kindly get across to them and have your account set up and forward the application letter across to the solicitor directly as you have his contact or forward it to me immediately for me to send it to the solicitor for him to proceed immediately.

Once more i am sorry as well for any misunderstanding between us and i am happy i must tell you Jeremy knowing i am dealing with a sincere and serious minded personality like yourself.

Acknowledge the receipt of this mail.

Quote:

RE: UrgentHow are Jeremy?What's the status?Have you contacted the new offshore bank?Let me know a.s.a.p

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RE: Why?Why?Why?Jeremy Why?What is happening with you?Why all of these delays from your end?I have sent you all documents we need which cost me money that i do not have due to my wife's health issues and a lot going on right now in my life and then i had to go get you another offshore bank for you to contact and get an account opened since you said the first offshore bank you did not like their services and this particular offshore bank(Pravex)has been used several times by customers at my bank hence i pulled up the information for you.I have given you the details of the offshore bank in Ukraine since sunday and till now not a word from you if you have received the details or if you have contacted them and the lawyer is sitting down there waiting up to do what he needs to do.What is the meaning of this?You are slowing this down my brother and i sincerely do not buy it Jeremy.If you intend not to have an offshore account opened in your name and you prefer to get an approval and you go down to spain yourself then let me know.We are in this together hence the room is open for discussions.This is an open business deal between us alone Jeremy and we are in this together but you are keeping mute and in the dark.

I am a very sad man right now Jeremy and the last thing i need right now is to see that the last thing i have on my hand to make me happy is been delayed and by whom by my own very partner.I have told you times without number that i need to pull this out so that i can retire and get my family the best they deserve.This is all i get from all my years of active banking and right now Jeremy you just slow things down and my wife is dying Jeremy.

I need you to tell me what is happening right now?

I wait your urgent response

Now it's the turn of Laddy's end of things to cause delays:

Quote:

Hi W,

I got home late last night from a few days away, grandmother (She's fine, just a visit) and business, and have seen your last few emails. I'm glad we're back on friendly terms.

I contacted the bank who replied telling me what details I needed to send but, having tried to send them, I keep getting 'Delivery Failure' messages.

I don't speak Russian so I couldn't call them even if I wanted to. Is there an alternative email address I can use?

Please get back to me as this is causing delays and, with my having been away for a few days, that's the last thing we need.

Regards,

Jeremy.