Femmy the safari boi (NSFW)

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Posted: Sat Jul 05, 2014 7:13 pm

From Connie

Quote:

Hello darling.

My father told me that I should be totally honest with you and tell you the position that you are in. There is a worldwide alert in your name. They have you passport details, your name, your address and everything. My father says that no one will tell him anything, but he thinks it is only a matter of time before the Americans get you to the USA. He says it could be done through official channels with a trial and you would be arrested and placed in a Nigerian prison or the Americans may just send a snatch squad to grab you and fly you to an interrogation location.

I really don't know what we can do. Is there anywhere you can go where they don't know you? He also said that you should drop the Gmail email address as Google work with the US Government and pass them details of mails of people of interest. He says that a Yahoo email address would be best as they refuse to co-operate with the Government.

Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2014 6:27 am

Heidi is worried as she hasn't heard from Femmy since Friday

Quote:

Sweaty, you've gone silent again, is everything OK? Please respond, it really affects my sleeping when I don't hear from you as I worry you are locked up in a tiny cell with dozens of other perverts and terrorists.

I had a visit today from the Geheimpolizei and they wanted to ask me why I was trying to arrange a visa for a wanted terrorist. I told them I did not know you were a criminal until the Migationsamt told me you were on the list. They say that you are a very dangerous man and involved in the Menschenhandel (sorry, I am not knowing English word).

Darling, you have to do something to clear yourself from all of this.

Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2014 2:43 pm

I wonder why Femmy is being so silent.

Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2014 9:26 am

With the Cold War apparently set for a comeback... maybe he needs to hear from the Russians, who are interested in why he's marked for termination.

And on the note - Captain Mal needs to be dogging him. Feel free to have Femmey told that the Marines are to be deployed to get him.

Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2014 9:55 am

The shyster is supposed to receive the affidavit today-we'll see,

Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2014 2:34 pm

It's been a bit since I updated this. Starting back up from July 3.

Why haven't I heard from you?

Quote:

I'm not yet receive the package is still in kano kan, when i tracked
it i saw 'error processing' since yesterday. I dont know what is
happening can you please contact the shipping company to know what is
happening and why the package isn't deliver.

At this point, the tracking showed this:

Sheeper wrote:

#1 2014-06-26 15:13:41 RECEIVED AT HUB CHICAGO MDW
#2 2014-06-26 23:38:12 ARRIVED AT HUB NYC LGA
#3 2014-06-27 07:09:52 PROCESSING
#4 2014-06-27 14:57:08 IN TRANSIT
#5 2014-06-28 04:39:11 ARRIVED LONDON LHR
#6 2014-06-28 07:33:21 PROCESSING
#7 2014-06-30 11:42:53 IN TRANSIT
#8 2014-06-30 22:49:33 ON HOLD AT SENDER
#9 2014-07-01 20:20:49 PROCESSING
#10 2014-07-02 04:39:17 IN TRANSIT
#11 2014-07-02 13:10:21 ARRIVED AT HUB KANO KAN
#12 2014-07-02 17:34:58 PROCESSING
#13 2014-07-02 18:20:06 **ERROR PROCESSING**

Meanwhile, Femmy sent this to the Sheeper:

Quote:

Sir/Ma
Femmy by name, i'm the recipient of that parcel shipped
through your company with tracking number is , I Tracked my
parcel which arrived on 2014-07-02 13:10:21 at HUB KANO KAN, and later
PROCESSING commence excertly 2014 -07-02 17:34:58, one hour later i
found that ERROR PROCESSING 2014-07-02 18:20:06. Since then i didn't
hear anything about it no update and parcels is not deliver to my home
address, please i want to know what is happening please i need to know
latest update the whereabout of my parcel, thanks so much hope to hear
from you.

The Sheeper replied:

Quote:

Dear Femmy,

Due to a power failure all parcels in the past few days have been processed by hand and as such updated tracking information is not currently available for them.

Regrettably we have no information on the whereabouts of your parcel; it is possible that during the power failure it has been misplaced. We will do our best to locate your parcel, we advise that you check the tracking information on our website regularly as when there is an update it will be displayed there.

Yours sincerely,

Sheeper

I have sent an inquiry off. Does the GPS show it is there, too?

Quote:

I didn't know how to locate it through GPS.

Quote:

Help me track it through GPS and know excertly the position.

Oh. I haven't tried it, but the info was on the receipt I sent you. I
just wanted to make sure you could always find it.

Quote:

Help me try it, i dont know how to locate it trough GPS.

I have to leave and won't be back until late tonight. I did find out my
visa is still good so I can come back to Nigeria! Did the shyster get
you cleared? Talk to you later!

Quote:

Your shyster sent me document to notarize in Court and i need to pay
some money in court to do so, i've to wait and receive the package
before i can do that.

Do you have the money yet? I'm getting worried.

Quote:

Darling, i didn't receive it, please trying to track it.

My computer is soo slow now .

Quote:

Darling, i was so worried too, please help me do something about it,
or you can call the shipping company to know what really happened.

I worry because you have not received it yet.

Quote:

I worried too much, i need money to notarize the Non Involvement your
shyster emailed to me in high court.

No time. Leaving for my parents for the holiday. This is the last I will
have internet until Sunday night! I love you! Please get it worked out
and figure where it is. You have all the info for the shipper and the
GPS device thingy I put in the bible.

Quote:

You're the one who can figure it out for me to know the whereabouts of
the bible because when it comes to Nigeria we doesn't have all the
facilities and technology to do enough, contact the shipping company
to know the whereabout of the bible.

Meanwhile, over the weekend, the GPS tracker has moved east towards Chad, then south towards Cameroon.

This morning:

Quote:

Helo.

Oh GOOD MORNING! Please tell me you have the bible now!

Quote:

I didn't have it, please track it for me because isn't yet deliver.

My shyster said he is expecting your affidavit today. Do you have it?

Quote:

Darling, its has been Notarized in court of Applea today in Ekiti
States, Nigeria. I'd sent it to him 30 minutes ago. I was told that
America Authority are coming to arrest in Nigeria this week, please
help me tell your shyster to file in the application in there today.

Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2014 2:48 pm

With bware's agreement, Benji the Church whore, who has recently safari'd from Mali to Lagos for me and DTPM, has been given Femmy's address in Lagos as a place to stay and instructions to only say he has been sent by the Americans.

This was sent by him an hour ago.

Quote:

Thank you so much.
We will be going there soon.

Benjamin

ETA: Connie has heard nothing for 2 days, so she will offer a glimmer of hope

Quote:

Is everything OK? I haven't heard from you for 2 days now and that is not like you.

My father wants to know if you have heard of people who can produce fake Identity? He knows a man works for Cypriot Secret Service and used to produce fake IDs for spy, maybe he can help?

Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2014 3:55 pm

Femmy has sent Capone a nice signed affidavit and quite a few pages of handwritten "testimony" detailing his safaris.

Who told you that you were being arrested this week?

Quote:

I heard from reliable source from US. Is better you contact shipping
company i found out through the tracking that parcel has been
delivered to my home address which is a big lie, i haven't seen any
parcel delivered to my home address. Is better you contact the to
recall the parcel where the delivered it

Oh, yeah. The package shows delivered. The GPS does not.

ANSWER ME DAMN IT!

Quote:

Is not yet deliver to my house, i haven't seen any parcel in house
delivered, but shipping company tracking say parcel delivered, to who
house. I couldn't trace it through tricker thingy, I'm seriously mad
at you, you track it and know if its delivered or not as claimed that
is delivered.

Quote:

I am seriously mad at you,,,, you better contact the shipping company
to provide the parcel for you, you track it with tracker thingy. Isn't
yet delivered to my home address. OMG! I am mad at you.

YOU ARE MAD AT ME? YOU HAVE MY $7000 AND ARE CLAIMING YOU DON'T. WHAT DOES THE GPS SAY? I AM DRIVING AND CAN'T GET ON IT!

Quote:

Yes i am mad at you, better stop driving and trick it with thingy
tracker and also call the shipping company to provide the parcels out
whenever its.

HAVE YOU LOST $7000? HOW CAN YOU BE MAD AT ME? WHAT DOES THE GPS SAY?

Quote:

I dont understand the thingy tracker, why are you argue with me, i
said you should track it.

WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? I AM DRIVING TO WORK! FUCKING CONTACT THEM!

Quote:

I could see that you lied to me, i wonder why you can't contact them
or track it. I've been mailing shipping company via their customers
email no response. Infact you lied to me i could see you dont love me,
you make me cry.

Quote:

To jail me, i could see that you wanted to kill me, i track it i
didn't understand the tracking, it show no result.

YOU HAVE MY MONEY AND STOLE ALL $7000. THAT IS WHY YOU CLAIM YOU CANNOT TRACK IT. YOU ARE SCREWED! MY ATTORNEY AND THE US STATE DEPO WILL HAVE YOU ARRESTED OR WORST!

Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2014 4:45 pm

Femmy replies to Connie

Quote:

Things isn't fine, let him help me.

Quote:

Let your father help me, things isn't fine with me.

Connie replies

Quote:

OK, he is speaking to the Cypriot. We will arrange everything and my father will pay for the costs of the fake ID papers.

We will need a clear copy photograph of you and to start off, The passport will be a Swedish Diplomatic one and your new name will be Barnið Ofbeldismaðurinn. This will give you freedom to travel anywhere in the world without suspicion of being searched.

He's definitely getting paranoid Twisted Evil

Quote:

Are you sure this will not put me into problem or life Jail. Are you
sure i won't be caught at airport.

Quote:

No darling, do not worry. This man is an expert and has been making the false documents for many years. He has worked for Russian KGB, Chinese Zuì Shānyáng police and also the North Koreans.

Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2014 6:11 pm

From the Fem-bot with a ton of handwritten Testimony:

Quote:

Information reached me that United States Authority have been planning
to arrest me this week in Nigeria through Nigeria security agency and
fly me to America for prosecution for offense i didn't committed.
please help me take a bold steps immediately and take this affidavits
of non involvement to Federal court of Appeal in America to ensure
that US and Nigeria security didn't arrest me, please let US remove my
name from wanted list because i am not a terrorist. Its my wish to
travel out to European countries like swizaland for tourism not for
terrorism because i'm not a terrorist, i am a law abiden citizen of
Federal Republic Of Nigeria and world at large who always condemned
act of violence and terrorism in our society. i was told that US said
i wanted to escape to swizaland, is a false, i made an enquiries for
swiss tourism visa not escape. Nigeria and the rest of the world
should Condemned terrorism in whole world. Its true that i do asked
good people for help if i am in need of help, i am not a criminal, i
have never committed or involved in any crime in my life, so the
allegation leveled against me is false and deformation of characters.
Please help me clear my name from wanted criminal list. Affidavit was
notarized in Court of Appeal in Ado-Ekiti in Ekiti-State, Nigeria

Shyster shall submit same forthwith!

Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2014 7:31 pm

Quote:

How will i receive the passport here, how will i get money to buy
ticket. Which country will i travel to, where will i lives, how will i
survive in anywhere i travel to, i mine coming to lives with you.

Quote:

We will find a way to get it to you and my father will arrange your ticket for you.

We will work out the best way for you to fly to Argentina that avoids unfriendly countries and I assume if we are to be married you will live here and we will find you a suitable job.

First though, you need to get passport photos scanned and sent to me.

Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2014 7:34 pm

Femmy will be the death of me. His stupidity knows no end.

Quote:

Darling, OMG! You want to jail me, believe me honestly is my fault i
didn't received any parcel, oh..no.

Quote:

Isn't my fault, shipping company should provide the name and signature
of the person who collected the parcel, the should also said which
name the parcel was delivered to. they should hold those who dispatch
it responsible, i'm not in Lagos, i was in my states to notarize the
affidavit. I lives in church compound in Lagos, i tell people who
lives in my compound to help me collect the parcel if anybody come
home for deliver, i gave them the copy of the receipt you emailed to
me so that they can collect it for me, imediatelly tracking said it
has been delivered i call home to confirm they said no parcel
delivered. You're in better position to confirm the truth can you
trust me
:::::::::::::::

BULLSHIT!

Quote:

I'm not lying, i am still with my dad in my state, i have to wait to
notarize the Affidavit your shyster email to me in court today which i
did i emailed back to your shyster, how would i stolen your money when
i wasn't in Lagos, i've been calling Lagos, they said no parcel
delivered at home.

Quote:

Darling, do not let us joke with this issue, we should cooperative to
know the whereabouts of the this parcel, the shipping company and
their dispatch rider should hold responsible, maybe the might stolen
it. They should tell us where the parcel was delivered to, who sign to
collect it, they should given us the name of the person who sign to
collect it. You're in better position to track it and know the truth.

I AM WORK! I WANT TO CHAT. GET ON YIM OR GOOGLE CHAT! WHAT'S THE
PARCEL CODE FOR THE GPS THINGY?

Quote:

DCM5E2CUOOOHP7V8

I knew this was incorrect.

The first letter is a D? That doesn't sound right. Are those O's or 0's?

Quote:

DCM5E2C000HP7V8

Quote:

DCM5E2CU000HP7V8

Quote:

Have you track it. Do you see the parcel whereabouts.

Which number is it?

Quote:

DCM5E2CUOOOHP7V8

O's or 0's?

Quote:

Have you seen it.

Quote:

Ok, find it out in the attached receipt.

He sent the receipt. The actual random sequence is O0O.

DAMN IT! It's O0O. O, zero, O! Yes! It's in Lagos! YOU HAVE MY FUCKING
MONEY!

Femmy's address is for Ogunfowoke St. I placed the package on Ogunfowokan St.

Quote:

I'm not in Lagos i'm still with my dad, i didn't have it, i'm in Ekiti
to notarize the affidavits. Where the parcel is in Lagos.

Quote:

OMG! Where the parcel in Lagos, who receive it, give me the company
phone in Lagos, dispatch rider must held responsible, i'll report them
to police. Give me there contact in Lagos

You are going to have to log in to it. My boss is getting really mad at
me for being on my phone so much!

Quote:

I got a call now that America sent two CID to my house this evening.

Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2014 7:58 pm

Heidi has still heard nothing since Friday, so she'll keep prodding until he responds

Quote:

Sweaty, I am extremely worried now, I have heard nothing from you since Friday evening.

Please, if you are no longer wanting the relations with me, let me know so that I at least know you are safe and haven't been taken by the Americans.

Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2014 9:36 pm

This gets better and better. I love how B8er sent his lad to Femmy's house.

I wonder how much it cost Femmy to have his paperwork notarized?

Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2014 10:29 pm

Quote:

I got a call now that America sent two CID to my house this evening.

Looks like Femi is out of town and Benji the church whore showed up.

Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2014 11:06 pm

Can someone who knows please PM me Femmy's latest phone number? The ones I have either don't work or the phone is constantly switched off.

It's time for the State Department to call Laughing

Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2014 12:22 am

B8er, your guys showed up-

Quote:

American Authority i'd sent two people to my house in Nigeria to arrest me.

Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2014 2:02 am

Confirmation from Benji

Quote:

We went to the address which you provided to us,they told us that Femmy is sick and has travel to take care of himself.The address is a church address.So we came back to the place I have been sleeping.
Please,provide another accomodation.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Mar 2012 Posts: 5373

@B8er-I wonder if the short one upstairs would appreciate a visit from <strike>gomerbois</strike> church lads

@dwatina-did you get Femi's #?

Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2014 2:15 am

^^^He has the 0066 number, but it is switched off.

Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2014 2:27 am

@ Ginger, I'm ahead of you, I PM'd Master on Friday to see if that was possible, but he's not seen the message yet.

ETA: To Connie

Quote:

Today United States had sent two people to my house in Nigeria to arrest me.

Quote:

Oh God darling, this is awful. How did you manage to escape them? My father says they will likely be CIA agents.

Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2014 10:14 am

Got to love lads with an active imagination

Quote:

I think they are CIA, i wasn't in Lagos since two weeks ago but i got a call that they came home to arrest me and fly me to America, so i was not at home when they came.

Quote:

Oh darling, that is awful. My father says you should never return to that house as they could return for you at any time. Do you have other properties that you can go to?

Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2014 10:30 am

Dwatina may have been right that Femi was knocked around but this is an explanation that I received as to why he wasn't home to welcome his guests:

Quote:

I'm not in Lagos since two ago because i'm sick, but i got a call
from Lagos yersterday evening that they came to my house, they said
America sent them. They might be thinking maybe i ran away, no i
didn't, they shows their ID.

Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2014 10:38 am

Capone wrote:

Quote:

they shows their ID.

This is turning out better than if he had been there to receive them.

Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2014 11:03 am

This is remarkable. Everything is going so smooth with him.

@Capone: Yup. His being sick does seem to agree with the story by his "guests."

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