I know lads are lazy, but this girl takes the cake...

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Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 12:02 am

Victoria the Unicorn Seller does not like paperwork. The first time I asked her for my unicorn's vet record and birth certificate, she copied the minutes of a computer software meeting and inserted the word "unicorn" in the title.
I've spent a week demanding that she give me the actual real papers. Finally, she gave in and sent me my information. Was it an attachement, lovingly hand-made in MS Paint? No, it was another cut-and-paste job. I swear, I am not making a word of this up:

Victoria wrote:

Unicorn vet records

"Detecting rabies in Unicorn:
Rabid animals may become depressed and retire to dark, quiet retreats. Wild animals, especially skunks, lose their fear of humans. The animals may show signs of paralysis such as abnormal facial expressions, drooping head, sagging jaw, paralysed hind limbs or excessive drooling.
Some animals may show extreme excitement and aggression..... They can attack suddenly, ferociously, and unpredictably. They may gnaw and bite their own limbs, and may attack stationary objects or other animal. Bouts of aggressive, rabies-induced behaviour often alternate with periods of exhaustion and depression." The only way to test a dog for rabies is to get him euthanized in order to check for traces in his brain. Some doctors advise to observe the Unicorn two to three weeks after the bite. But rabies is rare among domesticated animals. But if you're really concerned about this thing, go to the doctor and ask him. But as what I said, you can never tell if aUnicorn has rabies or not by just simply looking at it. Some say that aggressiveness is a sign for rabies. It is a myth. Any Unicorn can be aggressive depending on its owner. Many Unicorn are aggressive and have no rabies

Unicorn AKC Papers
There are three main sources of AKC registered Unicorn - serious breeders, pet shops, and backyard Unicorn producers. The best quality Unicorn come from serious, ethical breeders who breed as a hobby, only for the betterment of the breed and not for monetary gain.
It's not always easy to find the serious, dedicated breeders. A good place to start is the American Kennel Club, 51 Madison Avenue, New York, NY, Ask for the address of the secretary of the national club ("Parent Breed Club") of the breed you are interested in. You will find the majority of ethical breeders belong to and support their national breed club.
The national breed club can put you in touch with breeders near you who can supply you with information about the breed and who may have Unicorn.
In searching for a quality Unicorn you may find yourself bogged down in some peculiar Unicorn terminology. This terminology needs to be understood in order to make a rational decision on selecting both a breeder and a Unicorn. Let's go over some of these terms.
This is perhaps the most confusing issue when it comes to buying a Unicorn. "AKC papers" means different things to different people. Some people think "papers" means the AKC registration slip. Other people think "papers" means the Unicorn's pedigree (the family tree listing his ancestors.) Which is it? Of what value are "papers" anyway? so try and get what am trying to tell you. okay these is just her information..
Your maximum bid: US $ 500
Enter US $500 or more
End time: 10 hours 25 mins (Jan-27-08 19:09:10 PST)
Shipping costs: US $6.50
US Postal Service First Class Mail�
Service to United States
(more services)
Ships to: Worldwide
Item location: Fresno, Nigeria, West Africa
History: 1 bid
High bidder: cy_palmyra( 63)

Unicorn Birth Certificate

Item Specifics - Item Condition
Condition: New

Animal : Unicorn Breed : Shih Tzu
Product Type : CUSTOM ADOPTION CERTIFICATE

The winning bidder will receive the following item(s):
CUSTOM NOVELTY CERTIFICATE
SHIH TZU - ADOPTION / BIRTH CERTIFICATE
C U S T O M M A D E W I T H
UNICORN'S NAME and FAMILY NAME and DATE of ADOPTION or BIRTH CERTIFICATE.
Above picture does not show true print quality.
CERTIFICATES ARE:
1. CUSTOMIZED with UNICORN NAME of your choice ...
Please send FULL NAME: Shih Tzu
2. CUSTOMIZED with YOUR FAMILY NAME
and
DATE of ADOPTION or BIRTH of your choice ...
3. COMPLETE with a place for your dog's PAW PRINTS ...
4. ALSO HAS INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR BREED ...
TEMPERAMENT - CARE - WEIGHT & HEIGHT - LIFE EXPECTANCY, etc.
5. Official "red white blue and proud" gold seal ...
6. QUALITY PAPER ... printed on SOUTHWORTH LINEN COVER STOCK 65 lb. 25% Cotton
7. ACTUAL MEASUREMENT: 11" x 8 1/2"

"kak shoveler" Joined: 20 Dec 2007 Posts: 243

I know alot of AKC judges and reps. I'll ask them when the AKC started giving papers to unicorns. Rolling Eyes

At least on the birth certificate the condition is new. Razz

Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 4:26 am

No RSOT?? not even one?? How can that be...

Demand a certified copy on an official stationary...

Not quite a Newb Joined: 17 Jan 2008 Posts: 54

Here is a lil' sumthin' i dug up about unicorns. I think it would be awesome if you could incorporate some of this into the bait. Maybe some photos of the horn being tested or something

Quote:

How to Test Real Unicorn Horn

Medieval pharmacists believed in the power of the Unicorn as a medicine, and the Unicorn even became the apothecaries' symbol. According to St. Hildegard, who passionately believed in the power of the Unicorn to heal illness, the Unicorn's strength came from the fact that once a year, it returned to drink the waters and eat the vegetation of paradise.

Ground Unicorn horn was said to cure fever, plague, epilepsy, rabies, gout, and a host of other ailments. Unicorn liver was a cure for leprosy. Shoes made of Unicorn leather assured healthy feet and legs, and a belt of Unicorn leather worn around the body warded off plague and fever. Belief in the power of the Unicorn was widely held in England until the mid- I 700s.

In order to distinguish "real" alicorn from false alicorn, elaborate tests were devised. Among them are the following:

Place scorpions under a dish with apiece of horn. If the scorpions die in a matter of hours, the horn is real.
Feed arsenic to pigeons, followed by a dose of Unicorn horn. If the pigeons live, the horn is genuine.
Draw a ring on the floor with the horn. If the horn is real, a spider will not be able to cross the ring.
Place the horn in cold water. If the water bubbles but remains cold, the horn came from a Unicorn.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 2:28 pm

It might not have a RSOT, but at least it comes with

Quote:

5. Official "red white blue and proud" gold seal ...

hehehe

Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 2:46 pm

Quote:

Animal : Unicorn Breed : Shih Tzu
Product Type : CUSTOM ADOPTION CERTIFICATE

The winning bidder will receive the following item(s):
CUSTOM NOVELTY CERTIFICATE
SHIH TZU - ADOPTION / BIRTH CERTIFICATE

Amazingly honest though, she does tell you the certificate is fake up front.

If you cross your new unicorn with a poodle, would it produce a Shihtz-Poo?

Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 2:57 pm

My lord that girl is LAZY. Shocked

How has she managed to stay in business this long? Break her CY. You have all this money to spend on Unicorns, she needs to be a better salesman.

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