Redneck versus the Doc

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Compliments of the season to you and your entire family...

The good doctor stopped writing me because I was not serious enough. But I thought this had some entertainment value and perhaps used up some of his precious internet cafe time...

Quote:

FROM THE DESK OF:
Dr. GLEASON COLEMAN.
DIRECTOR GENERAL,
AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT
PLATINUM BANK LTD, Togo Branch.
PRIVATE TELEPHONE NUMBER : + 228-9093620.

ATTN (CEO).

PLEASE, YOUR URGENT RESPONSE TO THIS LETTER IS HIGHLY
NEEDED.
----------------------------------------------

Dear Mugu,

With due respect and humanity, I write to you this
Business Proposal. I am the Director General of
Auditing and Accounting Department in PLATINUM BANK
LTD, Togo Branch.

You know how it goes...huge sums of money...entertain no atoms of fear...call me...etc

First response is straight...

Quote:

Dear Dr. Coleman,

This sounds very interesting. I have never been approached with an offer like this before.

I would rather not call since I have never dealt with you before. But that amount of money certainly piques my curiousity.

I will entertain no atoms of fear once we have properly introduced ourselves and exchanged business credentials. I'm sure you will satisfy my confirmation process.

Sincerely,

Mugu

The doctor is one long winded lad, so I'll edit his 18(!) paragraph response...

Quote:

Dear Mugu,

I received your mail in respond to my Proposed
Business Opportunity.

I am very happy to hear from you and also happy for
your interest in the business. As you said, i know
that you must saw the Proposal Letter in Surprisenly,
but do not be surprise, the Opportunity was open to me
and my family, hence my immediate action to contact
you to enable you assist me in executing it. The only
thing i need from you is to be truthful, honest and
sincere...

Har har, yes, sincere. I wonder if the doctor noticed my switch to the redneck from hell:

Quote:

Dr. Gleason,

Man, am I happy to hear back from you! That is A LOT of money! I just got off probation and need some funds to get my meth lab back on track. I lost it when my trailer home went up in flames, and I tell ya what Doctor, that was my only source of income. So your offer comes at just the right time. I feel important talkin' to such an official of the Platinum Bank.

Too bad for Mr. Brandt that he had to go and kick the bucket huh? I'm super trustworthy, so I can tell you that we will happily share the death person's money! Hell yea!

I've suffered too. It's been almost two years since I've last known some tang, and that gets lonely good buddy!

I won't tell a soul about this old deal. Just between you and me, doc. I'm awesome with finances too! Man, when I was dealin', I had a whole laundering thing with my brother at the Dairy Queen and it was just awesome awesome!

At the moment I'm staying at a motel, so I don't have a permanent address for you. I have access to this internet cafe though, so if we can deal with this business over email that would work a hell of a lot better. I'm a little sketchy on giving out my bank details. My buddy Fred tells me that I should never give out that info on the internet. I guess if I can get to know ya a little better we can talk turkey.

Mugu

In the meantime, the doctor sent another important information:

Quote:

Mr. Mugu,

Meanwhile, note that i will draft a General Contract
Agreement between us (me and you) stating your Share
out of the Total Funds...

Blah blah...30% to you...etc...though he did share this bit of wisdom:

Quote:

The purpose of reaching the Agreement is to ensure
that we (You and Me) do not encounter any problem when
sharing the Funds in your country.

To this another important information I responded:

Quote:

Doc,

Damn straight 30% is fine by me. That works out to a might good chunk of change now don't it? Doc, this sounds like such a good deal -- I'm lookin' forward to receiving the Agreement.

Peace be with you,

Mugu

I suspect he has been baited before, judging by his need to make sure I'm not a Computer Writter:

Quote:

Dear Mugu,

Thanks you for your two e.mails letters to me,
contents are duly noted and understood.

I am going to Draft the Agreement of us tomorrow
morning and will scan and send it to you same tomorrow
for final endorsement and returning to me. But before
doing that, i would need your full postal address to
include in the agreement document.

Meanwhile, before doing this, i must hear your voice
on telephone to enable me know fully well that i am
dealing with a partner and not a computer writter. I
that case, please give me a call on my private
telephone number (+228-9093620) to enable us talk
heartly as well as commencing the transaction.

I will be very happy to fly down to US to meet you the
moment this funds were trasfered into your account in
your country. So, please let us work with one heart
and one mind.

I am urgently waiting to hear from you to enable me
forward to you the agreement for endorsement.

Best Regards,

Dr. Gleason COLEMAN.
+228-9093620.

Uh oh, looks like I've hit a patch of bad times:

Quote:

Doc,

Look, you're the one who contacted me, not the other way around, so by my way of thinkin', it is you who should be concerned with proving your reality. You're damn straight I'm a partner, and not some Internet Written sumbitch.

I think I mentioned I am living in a hotel. Well, I'm sorry, I was trying not to sound too pathetic, because I'm actually living in my car. So my mailing address might be Route 66 South at the moment, know what I mean?

As far as a phone number, I can give you the nearest public phone terminal, and I'll try to be there when you call. I'm still trying to get back on my feet, you know?

I did manage to get together a business deal that will provide an infusion of cash on my end, which will be helpful in finally getting together an actual address. But for the time being, all I got is this email address at the local public library. I'm not even allowed back in the Internet Cafe, after they caught me lookin' at not so clean websites.

So Doc, if you could send me the agreement via this email address, that would be somethin else. I'll sign 'em and use the library's fax machine to get it back to ya.

Mugu

He suspects I may not be a serious business man, or a kid! And god forbid somebody get behind me in a phone boot!

His picture sucked, by the by.

Quote:

Mugu,

You are not sounding as a serious business man. How
did you think that i will call you in a public phone
boot discussing this business ???, don't you know the
confidentiality of this transaction ???. Don'nt you
know that somebody behind can got information of the
business ???.

By the way, what type of business are you doing ???,
and how many years are you ???.

I can not transact this business with you if you
don'nt give me a call and even send me your picture
photogragh with the above answsers.

You told me in your yesterday's letter that you are
leaving in a Motel at the moment, and you came back
today to inform me that you are now leaving in a Car,
what does that mean ???.

I am sending here with my picture photogragh, for your
records and perusals.

If you are serious to do the business with me, kindly
call me, if i did'nt hear from you Today, i will look
for another partner to execute the business.

Best Regards,

Dr. Coleman.
+228-9093620.

Time to be a little contrite. For his records and perusals, I sent him a sweet pic of Kenny Rogers:

Quote:

Doc,

I'm sorry doc, but I was really embarrassed about living in my car. Just until I get back on my feet, you know? In fact, I just got back from my friend Julian's place, and he agreed to let me pay rent and live in his trailer. So I'll be moving into a caravan park this afternoon. I am so excited. I promise not to tell Julian about this deal!

This is not even the good news though! I just sold a stash of old magazines on ebay and got myself about $1000 dollars! I was, uh, visiting my aunt last week, and she had a whole stash of Black Tail magazines sittin' in her basement. Man, ebay rules buddy, just damn rules.

So that's my business, Doc. I sell things on eBay. Only legal things of course, but things nonetheless. I do all right at it too. Sometimes, like with them Black Tail magazines, I hit the jackpot. I usually make my way by sellin' Beanie Babies, but those are kinda dying in popularity. You can say I sell "collectibles."

I'm 43 years old, and have been around the block. I'll try calling you later this afternoon, once I move in to my pal Julian's place. If he lets me use his phone, of course. His buddy Ricky done run up a $150 bill jist talkin' to his friends in Alabama.

I am still excited about this business deal, so I hope you send me that agreement here sooner'n later.

I've attached my picture so you can see what I look like. The ladies like me to say the least!

Your pal,

Mugu

This is, sadly, final email from the doctor...URGENT of course...

Quote:

Mugu,

I received your yesterday mail and noted the Contents.

Well, you promised to give me a call yesterday without
sucess.

As i told you, i can not proceed the business with
you if i don'nt hear from you on phone.

I am waiting to hear from you asap.

Regards,

DR. COLEMAN.

So I sent him this, and Gleason has yet to respond. So I suppose this is kind of a completed bait...

Quote:

Hey Doc,

Now why do you have to act this way? I think you should take that attitude and turn that frown upside down, fella. I like you, Doc, feel like I have a new friend in you, but you won't let yourself be my friend, and that hurts.

Are you trying to make me feel bad for not having a phone? Look, Julian said there was no way he was gonna let me use his phone to call Toogoo, or wherever it is you're from. So you're just gonna have to deal with it, Doc. Ain't gonna happen.

I hope you'll still wanna work with me, cause lord knows I could use the money, but you're being a hardass about this and I'm tired of it.

Your bud,

Mugu

Master Baiter Joined: 31 Mar 2004 Posts: 100 Location: USA

LOL, it cracks me up that you named your character "mugu". Good job! Laughing

Guest

Thank you! I actually changed the character name here to protect the innocent, who is still wooing miriam abacha. Of course, the 6th miriam abacha scam letter that arrived this morning has him questioning his love Laughing

Wouldn't want to blow his cover though. As a semi-well-known NFL QB he needs his identity protected!

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 20 Apr 2004 Posts: 3

Fisher Price wrote:

Of course, the 6th miriam abacha scam letter that arrived this morning has him questioning his love Laughing

It must be something in the air in West Africa. The Mariam I'm corresponding with has started to make some moves along the lines of 'for our grandchildren to come' without me even suggesting anything remotely romantic.

Damn, I must be giving that sort of vibe... Laughing

Guest

Damn, your Mariam is a wildcat!

I think I'm going to change my license plate to:

N2 MARIAMS

Master Baiter Joined: 31 Mar 2004 Posts: 100 Location: USA

Yeah, I get a bunch of Abacha emails too but once I baited two of them at the same time and after a while I had no idea which one was which, I decided to stick to the more "Anonymous" scammers... Smile