Goofy Stuff That YOU Wrote; the Saga Continues

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Posted: Sat Mar 14, 2020 12:06 pm

The last Goofy Stuff That You Wrote thread (https://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=301488) has been quiet for some time now, so I'm starting another one.

"Dr Richy Benson" was demanding that Cammy pay $250 to have her consignment box released from JFK. She was getting paid by cheque, and said as much. Now Dr Benson started sending boring messages, so I begin to reply with paraphrases (the Lad is in italics).

Quote:

How are doing? Hope all is well, with your family, we are still waiting to hear from you with the info copy of the Amazon gift card of $150 so that we will proceed with your transfer ok

Quote:

How are you going? Hope your family's all good, you'll be waiting a fucking long time for that Amazon $150 gift card, the AFL made the transfer on Freyja-day and it's all OK.

Quote:

How are you doing? With your family
We are still waiting to hear from you with the payment information of the required fee of $250 so that we will proceed with your transfer without any delay OK
I wait for your urgent respond

Quote:

How are you doing? With your poor long-suffering family
You'll be waiting until Doomsday to hear from me with the payment information of the redundant fee of $250 since our transfer was completed without any delay OK
I wait for your head to explode.

Posted: Sat Mar 21, 2020 8:33 am

Seems that the United Nations is sending me a lot of money:

Quote:

This is to acquaint you on the outcome of our 1 day meeting with U.N International Financial Investigation Unit and the Association of Better Business Bureau to compensate scam victims upon due verification, we have jointly approved US$ 55.5m (FIFTY FIVE MILLION, Five hundred thousand United States Dollars) for every confirmed victim.

Yada yada yada.

Quote:

The funds was send through the United Nations to be sent too you though the inter switch /quick teller company so what you are ask too Pay is the $85 for the delivery of your master debit card

But I have some reservations.

Quote:

[R]eceiving many millions of dollars without anything to show why I'm receiving many millions of dollars is going to have the IRS all over me... and you may know the joke about how KGB interrogators wear IRS pajamas.

Master Baiter Joined: 26 Oct 2017 Posts: 157

Anything goofier than that ?
Like The Golden Gate Bridge is in New York or something similar?

Thanks

Posted: Tue Mar 24, 2020 2:07 am

^I think every good bait has its gems of sentences that are hilarious out of context; Greatest Hits will have its fair share. Church baits in particular are known for their deadpan delivery, which makes some things quite amusing.

Posted: Tue Mar 24, 2020 9:56 am

entertain: browse through Eater's greatest hits and you'll see/read tons of goofy stuff Very Happy

Posted: Tue Mar 24, 2020 10:54 am

Past examples of this thread...

https://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=130025&postdays=0&postorder=asc&highlight=goofy&start=0

https://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=1917860&highlight=goofy#1917860

https://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=2396343&highlight=goofy#2396343

https://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=2285889&highlight=goofy#2285889

Master Baiter Joined: 26 Oct 2017 Posts: 157

Circumstances make it hard for me to read through these threads
I was hoping you guys and ladies could share some of your one liners

For example I told a very pretty Vlad that is dying to meet up with me in my country

I am fat and have white hair

Just to see her response which she ignored
Ha

Thanks

Posted: Tue Mar 24, 2020 11:11 pm

Are we making 'best of' threads about 'best of' threads now? These really are strange times.

Posted: Tue Mar 24, 2020 11:18 pm

Quote:

Circumstances make it hard for me to read through these threads

With all due respect, as Palmergeddon said, most of us don't have the time to spend hours going through those threads to find the best quotes for you if you can't do it either. The world will not collapse because we lose out on one more curation of quotes, and I certainly hope you aren't an exception. The best way to find funny quotes you say to lads is to send them yourself, and it doesn't sound like you are having difficulty with that.

Master Baiter Joined: 26 Oct 2017 Posts: 157

Removed the full quote of the previous post as we can see it right above here and it just clutters the forum. Think of this as a conversation, with no need to repeat what was just said. - bware419ers

I am not asking for someone to sift through threads looking for funny things

I am asking if you see this thread and you remember something funny you said
at some time in the past can you mention it here?
Like I did above That's all no links necessary
Thanks

Posted: Wed Mar 25, 2020 5:36 am

entertain wrote:

I am asking if you see this thread and you remember something funny you said at some time in the past can you mention it here?

That's exactly what I created this thread (and the others) for. Keep on posting!

Master Baiter Joined: 26 Oct 2017 Posts: 157

I have posted
Now it's your turn or someone else

Posted: Wed Mar 25, 2020 2:25 pm

^ Thanks for the reminder on how these threads work.

Posted: Wed Mar 25, 2020 2:29 pm

^^^ Does that post count as your turn?

Posted: Wed Mar 25, 2020 3:06 pm

Ah. Now I get it. The whole thread is " Goofy Stuff That YOU Wrote."

For some reason I thought it related to conversations with lads.

Posted: Wed Mar 25, 2020 4:58 pm

Sent to a refugee girl

Quote:

Hello my sweet little sex kitten,
I am always on the look out for young waifs and strays to prey on in the church.
Please tell me more about your situation and how I can best take advantage of you.
Reverend

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Can't recall if I've posted this or not in one of these threads. This is from the Sister Mary bait with Lake that can be found on the Greatest Hits board.

Quick background - A lad tried a lottery scam on Lake's character and ended up reading four full books (Pinocchio, A Midsummer Nights Dream, Fifty Shades of Gray and Lady Chatterley's Lover) to a group of orphans. When Sister Mary went to pay him she was beaten and left for dead by a gang of orphans. The lad made friends with the leader of the gang and was instrumental in the kid's arrest. The lad ended up providing video testimony in the trial of the orphan, and that's when things went from strange to bizarre. Here is what I wrote him (edited for the dirty words)

Quote:

After the opening statements we started playing your testimony and that's when the s*it got weird. We were about 30 minutes into your testimony when all hell broke loose. All of a sudden, instead of your testimony, the television screen was filled with midgets having hardcore sex. And not just any midgets, these were what I believe are referred to as Tranny midgets in that they all had both t*ts and d*cks. It was disgusting and one of the jurors fainted. While this was going on the criminal Feathers was laughing. Then all of a sudden instead of Tranny midget porn the screen was showing a goat with large horns f**king a man from behind. And not just any man. IT WAS YOU!!! You were screaming "more more more more" and then the goat took out a long switchblade he was holding in his hoof and he slit your throat. Blood was everywhere on the screen. And not just on the screen, blood started coming from the television. Three of the jurors threw up. The judge ordered the power cord to the television pulled but it did not matter. The disgusting video just kept playing. Then I looked at the criminal Feathers and he was laughing and standing up and clapping. Let me say that again. HE WAS LAUGHING AND STANDING UP AND CLAPPING! Then he started to do a little dance. I looked at the ground and somehow he had got out of his shackles. I tried to grab a gun from one of the bailiffs but Mr. Matthew held me back. As God is my witness if I had got that gun I would have shot the little bastard dead. The bailiffs all had their guns drawn on the criminal Feathers and he threw up his hands and said "I surrender" then he looked at me with those evil red eyes and he said "W....w....whats the p..p...p..roblem P...P...P...Penfold?" as if he had a stutter. Mr. H, not even my wife knows that when I was a child I suffered with bad stutter. But that bastard knew! How did he know that?

The lad's response?

Quote:

Also i know how inquisitive all this press can be, i hope the picture of the goat f**king me is not on news or news paper

Posted: Wed Mar 25, 2020 9:16 pm

Technically the lad didn't respond directly to that, as he sent me that email. What he also sent afterward:

Quote:

ok bro, that thing still make me laugh up till now, goat and me damn, who will ever thought that goat will finally get down with mr humphere? this really funny bro

Humphere was a quote-generating machine. I miss him. He didn't come back the same after his vacation to Cameroon.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Yeah, we got Humphere to the point where we could have told him the big JC himself came down to Beaver Island and he would have believed us. I miss him as well. He came up with some great insults at the end though. Here's another goofy Humphere exchange that took place after Feathers escaped the police shootout at the orphanage (seriously, if you are new to the board and have no idea what I am talking about you really need to read the entire bait)

Feathers: DO Y WANT 2 PLAY A GAME????
mr humphere know off course, all i want is for you to be ok and ddody too
Feathers: EVARY 1 DAT HAS HAD POPO SHUTE HOT LED AT THERE NEKID ASS RASE YU HAND
Feathers: EVARY 1 DAT HAS AL POPO LUKING 4 DEM WIT ORDARS 2 KIL RASE THERE HAND
mr humphere i dont understand wat do you mean
Feathers: EVERY 1 DAT SMELS LIK PIG SH*T FROM RIDING4 HORS IN A PIG TRUK RASE THERE HAND
Feathers: DID YU RASE YUR HAND AT ALL??? CUS I SUR DID

Posted: Thu Mar 26, 2020 12:53 am

I'm always looking for the next lad who's on that level. I've seen longer baits where the lad's done more, but I'd be hard-pressed to find one with that sheer density of shenanigans.

Posted: Thu Mar 26, 2020 12:00 pm

Oh, Mr. Hump Here...There's a reason he's in Greatest Hits.

This still makes me giggle.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SG4HENi1lLk

Lots of funny things written by the baiters in that bait.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

^^ Ah, yes.... the video he did back when he had hair. The thing that really cracks me up about that bait is despite everything we did to him, from reading 40 hours of books to hours of video testimony to traveling thousands of miles and getting stranded, the thing he was most upset about was us making him shave his head. Fun times! We need to find another Humphere.

Posted: Sun Mar 29, 2020 12:24 pm

This isn't something I wrote in a bait, but as a comment on someone else's bait. Nonetheless, I thought y'all might like it.

Quote:

Never trust clerics with computers, I say; I don't like this monk e-business.

Posted: Sun Mar 29, 2020 12:39 pm

I once baited a basketball loving lad, that had a friend named "Vagina". Needless to say, that loads of fun came out of that bait. For instance...

Quote:

[...] If you can prove this to me, I would like to help you and Vagina to my country, Prussia, so you can play. Maybe I can even play with you and Vagina? I sincerely hope so. I rarely play with anything but my Willie.
I am amazed that Vagina can talk. Who would have thought that?
I hope to hear from you soon.

Your
Heinz

Posted: Fri Apr 03, 2020 2:09 pm

Jayhawk wrote:

We need to find another Humphere.

I keep as hell trying. As an essential employee who has the month off with pay, baiting is going higher on my priority list. I am presently in one that might be publish-able, we'll see.

Favorite thing I wrote was early on in the Hump bait, where the lead inspector (me) fills in the lad (whose codename starts off the quote) with a report on an police assault on the local orphanage to capture a wanted criminal (Fellatio) ... with a Monty Python reference to finish it off. It really defines how insane the whole bait was:

Quote:

Loaded Creampie it is such a fucking mess here. You can't imagine how many towels we've gone through. Body fluids are fucking everywhere but everyone walked away dazed and lightheaded but unharmed.

We tried a back door entry. We met a little resistance at first but we eventually got in. Deeper and deeper we pushed and we were heavily armed with ball ammo. Finally we reached the point of no return and we pushed forward more and there was our opportunity at Fellatio but he got away. Oh we showered the place with ball ammo. There was fucking screaming and shouting and we discharged our weapon and ammo was spraying everywhere but the elusive Fellatio got away. Hard lesson to learn Loaded Creampie. Rear entry gets you no Fellatio in the end.

The men unanimously agreed the best way to catch Fellatio is with a swallow though whether it be an African or European one remains up for debate.

My favorite compliment was from MrMystery himself:

Quote:

This bait is so wonderfully absurd.

That bait was a treasure trove of one liners and hidden references. Started three years ago this week.

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