"May you sick and die in JESUS NAME AMEN"

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Posted: Sun Feb 16, 2020 8:59 am

Dr. Andrew Bell, "Fund Manager of The Witan Investment Trust Plc," is, bless his heart, an angry little man.

Almost exactly four years ago he wrote to Captain Mal with a plan:

Quote:

[A]s Witan Investment Fund Manager, I
handle all our Investor's Direct Capital Funds and secretly extract
1.3% Excess Maximum Return Capital Profit (EMRCP) per annul on each of
the Investor's Magellan Capital Funds.
As an expert, I have made over One Hundred and Sixty million pounds
from the Investor's EMRCP and hereby looking for someone to trust who
will stand as an Investor to receive the funds as Annual Investment
Proceeds from Witan Magellan Capital Funds. All confirmable documents
to back up the claims will be made available to you prior to your
acceptance.
Meanwhile, I have worked out the strategies and technicalities whereby
the funds can be claimed in any of our Clearing Houses without any
hitches. Our sharing ratio should be 80-20%.

Yada yada yada. But within days, he stopped writing, only to resume nearly a year later to try and pick up the threads:

Quote:

Dear Sir, Happy New Year to you and family, I wish you a blessed new
year as we shall achieve our business transaction with your kind
co-operation.
Please get back to me so we can proceed together to finalize this, the
fund are set to be release on your name due to our Investments company
will start fresh payment of capital fund to Old Investors by Thursday,
5th/Jan/2017.

Mal wasn't happy with that.

Quote:

It's been nearly a year. What happened?

Dr Bell chose to barrel on regardless:

Quote:

Thank you for the reply,
CAN TRAVEL OUT TO LONDON OR DUBAI TO SIGN THE FINAL PAYMENT RELEASE
ORDER WHEN THE FUND IS APPROVED? PLEASE GET BACK TO ME OR SEND ME YOUR
CELL TO CALL YOU.
THANK YOU

Not so fast, Bubba-Louie.

Quote:

You can't just drop out of sight for a year and then pick things up again just like that! What happened?

The rest was silence for over three years, and then on Valentine's Day this arrived twice:

Quote:

Hello Sir, Can you proceed now and stand as an old investor to receive
this fund for 2020 capital profits return ? we share 80/20 ? do you
agree ?

Mal answered just once.

Quote:

What the hell happened? It's been three years! I'm gobsmacked by your absence.

Bell wanted Mal to make contact on Whatsapp, but Mal declined, prompting Bell to say:

Quote:

you sound like a joker

Some of you may recall a Lad who also turned up after a three-year hiatus, and how he reacted to Mal's jibe that he'd been in prison all that time (https://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=2253328). I thought this Lad deserved similar treatment.

Quote:

Someone who drops out of sight for three years has chutzpah to the max whinging about not being able to communicate easily! Where were you all this time, Bubba-Louie? Doing hard time somewhere is my guess.

The Lad's acted incredulous, so Mal had to explain.

Quote:

Back in 2016, you had put everything in place to embezzle the money, but you needed a pasty, so you reached out to me for that role; but your firm got suspicious and so you had to go dark for a while.
After a year you felt that the heat had died down, so you reached out again, but your firm had gulled you, and the cops were called in and caught you bang to rights. You did a plea bargain and got a short sentence, even though the money was never recovered.
Three years later you're out of jail and ready to try again to use me as the pasty...

He still didn't get it, and Mal couldn't believe it.

Quote:

Do I have to draw you a gorram picture?

The penny dropped at last!

Quote:

Listen if you are not ready to do this, then furk off you joker

Mal said goodbye with tact and decorum.

Quote:

The sooner you're back inside the better, asshole. Maybe then you'll have learned your lesson. Enjoy being some lifetimer's bitch.

What came back... well (emphasis added throughout):

Quote:

you grandchildren are all holes and bitches, May you never se the end of the year, May you sick and die in JESUS NAME AMEN.
MARK MY WORD, YOU SHALL FALL SICK, IF YOU DONT PLEASE WITH ME, YOU
SHALL DIE OF THE SICKNESS, THIS IS MY FINAL WORD TO YOU
I HAVE PLACED YOU UNDER MY ORACLE GODS, YOU SHALL SEE SOMETHING
DESTROY FROM TODAY, MARK THIS MAIL

YOU SHALL CRY AND BEG FOR FORGIVENESS OR YOU DIE

There may be more following Mal's answer.

Quote:

What kind of mad shit was that? Oracle Gods? Juju curses? You are fucking insane to be throwing that rubbish around! Maybe you should be locked up in an asylum, not a prison!

If he does write back, Mal will interpret "IF YOU DON'T PLEASE WITH ME" as a demand for sexual favours, and respond accordingly.

And if anyone would like to quote the above curse to any Lad of their choice, go right ahead.

Posted: Sun Feb 16, 2020 10:05 am

Quote:

I HAVE PLACED YOU UNDER MY ORACLE GODS, YOU SHALL SEE SOMETHING
DESTROY FROM TODAY

You could always play a naive nerd and assume the lad was a supervisor of database specialists and thought he was threatening his underlings to hack you. Maybe given such technical skills he'd agree to a WIMP modality....or something along those lines. A P-LOG Inside Man Protocol (PIMP) variant was attempted by some of the pros on here for that Austin idiot...but he faded into his own laziness. I hope the modality resurfaces if not for the name alone Laughing

Baiting Guru Joined: 25 Jul 2017 Posts: 2107

I have had 3 lads "return" lately, some after more than a year. I never thought of prison explaining their absence, but rather, laziness. I will have to ask them about their time "inside" now!

Posted: Sun Feb 16, 2020 12:47 pm

" but you needed a pasty," - was he hungry ?

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Beautiful. That has to go in your signature line.

Posted: Sun Feb 16, 2020 4:43 pm

That's hilarious! Laughing

Posted: Sun Feb 16, 2020 5:30 pm

Wait, did he need a pasty, or pasties? Because there's a whole 'nuther issue if that's the case...

Delightful rants, Yastreb!!

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

Great demented lad rant.😂😂

Posted: Mon Feb 17, 2020 1:06 am

When I said there may be more...

Quote:

dont worry, you shall bear the hard rock of my Oracle Gods, the juju curse for insulting me some one like me, you shall go gaga and then go sick and die, mark my kind word to you unless you please for forgiveness.
bye for now

After some thought, I decided to go with scorn for now.

Quote:

If you're thinking that I'm scared of your voodoo vitriol, don't be such a fucking idiot; I'm laughing at you. Your bafflegab and bullshit wouldn't scare even a two-year-old.

I'll suss out his homosexual desires later, whether he answers or not.

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