The Case of the Zaftig Blonde

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Posted: Mon Aug 05, 2019 12:54 am

Zaftig: Of a woman, having a plump and sexually attractive figure; voluptuous, well-proportioned; large [Wiktionary]
Zaftig: A word of Yiddish origin used to describe a chubby girl, but in a very good way. However, a word of caution: even though it's a kind-hearted word, and a euphemism for fat, your wife or girlfriend probably won't feel the same way. She might, but if you call her zaftig, you're more than likely to get a black eye or have to stand outside the bathroom with tissues, depending on the kind of girl she is. [Urban Dictionary]

If you’re wondering what the hell that’s doing there, read on.

The Scammer
Kylie Bright Malik, a Libyan refugee living in Nigeria

The Baiter
Malcolm Reynolds, a retired US Marine living in central Australia

My comments are in bold.

The New Year has barely begun, when this hits Mal’s inbox…

8 January 2019
Hello dear, how are you? Hope you are feeling good. Please i want to know if you have read the message with some of my pictures that i sent to you? I am not happy as you have not responded back.
Could you please get back to me by confirming to me whether you received the message or not because there is something very urgent and important which i will like to discuss with you and besides, I will attached more of my pictures to enable you see who i am if you so wish. Kindly help me respond back as am waiting.
Regards.
Kylie Bright Malik

Attn: Kylie Bright Malik
I don't recall ever receiving an email from you. You may well be mistaken.
Malcolm Reynolds

The reply comes in promptly, with pictures attached. Here's one of them.

10 January 2019
Hi my dear, i didn't hear from you today. Hope everything is fine with you? I hope you received my yesterday response. Please can you reply to me? I am waiting.
Kylie

Google image search reveals the pictures to be of a porn star named Ashley Sage Ellison.

Hello Kylie
I did get your message, but as things are, even a zaftig blonde couldn't get me motivated much. I hope you won't take that the wrong way. I'll write back later.
Malcolm

Another gorram orphan...
The claim that contact ia by the grace of God is a common one, and it never fails to not impress.
There were more Ashley pictures attached. Again, I've provided just one.

11 January 2019
Wow i am happy to read your email once again. Thank you for appreciating me. But on a serious note, I am happy that you gave me an attention, I got your contact through the grace of God as someone who will help me out of my present situation.So right now, i really need a matured man like you that have a good heart to be with and i believe I have found the right man in you...
I will want to tell you that presently i am living in Badagry Lagos Nigeria, it is a border very close to Cotonou, Republic of Benin and since i have been living here, i have not been working, all my welfare are being taken care of by the Government, you know what it means for a young lady like me to live without parents since 2011, anyway i thank God for his mercy as he still keeps me alive considering what i went through in Libyan during the crisis.
But I'm tired of living here in this West African country, i really need to move out of this country, i want to leave this African countries completely because if i should continue living here in Africa, i will be remembering my late parents and what i went through in Libya, i have already made up my mind to live the rest of my lives out of Africa.
I want to come to your country, so that we can meet each other and talk face to face because there is a secret which i will like to discuss with you concerning my late father, i want to see you face to
face before i can discuss it with you.
So my dear, I have a lot of my pictures to send you that you will like to see, but i will like to know if you will take me serious and will be able to assist me?.
Anyway, all that i want right now is a serious minded man who will be honest and sincere to me and ready to assist me. So can i have you as a friend and can you help to ensure that i come over to your country for us to meet each other.
I wait for your response. Attached are more of my pictures again and i will send more if need be when i hear from you.
Have a lovely day...
Sincerely yours,
Kylie B Malik

Kylie
I have to admit, you're one bodacious babe. But you're also being cagy. That bit about getting me contact through the grace of God doesn't get the nod, and then there's this secret you hint at but then refuse to give details about. I'm not sure how to take that.
Something else; I'm a retired US Marine. For many years a lot of training time was taken up with exercises and planning on scenarios for invading Libya. If that would trouble you, just say so now.
Malcolm Reynolds

She sends another raft of photos. The "bodacious babe" must have struck a chord, or maybe a nerve? Whichever - here's your ration.

11 January 2019
My dear, I have just read your message. I am not trying to be any cagey or hiding anything to you. I got your contact through my search on the internet and by God's grace I got your response to my problem. Thank you for promising to assist me come over to your country.. I only need assistance and a matured man that can help me out of this country and we can build a relationship. What i will want you to know is that i am single, i am not in any relationship here, i have been living here alone and as an orphan, i am not the type of girl that run after men, i am unique and a principled person, i do not mess around, rather i respect my body so much.
I know the type of family i came from, if it is not the war in my country Libya years back that made me to be an orphan for now, i would have known where i will be by now, anyway, i have put what had happened to me behind so that i can forge ahead because i still have a very huge amount of money which i am to inherit once i am legally married. My late father was a successful Engineer by profession and he had many investments he made which i am to inherit. He had huge sum of Shares in one of the USA Companies, he had huge amount of money he deposited in bank in the Euprope and also had a contract he executed in Nigeria which worth huge sum of money before his death with my mother and all of these I will have access to once am confirmed married and that is why I want to come over to your country so we can discuss face to face how to go about it as my husband. We cannot discuss the details here.
So you must be rest assured that you have meet the right girl for you and besides the investments I inherited from my late father is huge which you will benefit a lot from.. I really want to come over so that we can meet each other and by then i will have the full confident enough to share it with you in details, I am presently living at 19 Kent Crescent Badagry Lagos, Nigeria
What i am looking forward to is to obtain my International passport, so that i can come over to be with you, I really want to come to meet you to enable us be together and discuss face to face, I do not want to die in depression here when I have brighter future waiting for me through my inheritance.
But my darling, i will humbly want you to answer below questions.
Please Are you single?
Do you live alone??
What is you full Name?
What is your work?
Please am sorry to ask those questions but i really want to hear from you so that we can talk on how i will come over. Also I will want you to send me your own pictures so that I will know who am dealing with. Attached are more of my pictures for you.. i would want to know sincerely if you are my man for real or you are here to play and dump me.
Thanks as i wait for your reply
Many hugs and kisses
Kylie B Malik.

Kylie
You're getting way ahead of things - seriously. I need to clarify things.
You talk about my getting you to my country - you know that I'm American. What you don't know is that I'm living in Australia; as a resident alien, I've got no right to invite anyone here.
I'll answer your questions now.
Please Are you single? Yes - I never married; the Corps was my life. I have a daughter though, and she turned 24 this August.
Do you live alone?? Most of the time.
What is you full Name? Malcolm Paul Reynolds
What is your work? I'm a survival instructor.
Malcolm Reynolds

The preliminaries are over; now for the money! But “she” has made a big mistake…

14 January 2019
My beloved, Thank you for your message.
But right now what is in my mind is how i will get the $650 required by the Immigration woman here. The woman wants to use the money to secured every required documentations that can give me the legal right to obtain the international passport legitimately as the rightful citizen without any problems.As i already told you that i am not yet the citizen of the country and i will not move out of this country without an international passport
So $650 is the money the Immigration woman charged to get me an international passport as the citizen of the country, but the woman made me to understand that if i can be able to give her $300 first, so that she can start work and when the passport is out, then i will give her the balance of 350$ to pick up the passport.
So my darling, i am urgently in need of $300 to give to the woman first so that she can start work and when my passport is ready, then you will send the balance of $350 to enable me go and pick up the passport. Or will you want to pay the $650 at once so we can do it once and for all?. I do not know if you will be able to help me though you have promised already to help me get the passport and everything.
Please do not let this my ambition and dream to fade away, i really want to join you in Switzerland as quickly as possible before I die of depression here. My dear, you will surely enjoy my body, i want to feel your body as well, i want to talk to you face to face, I want to have sex with you all the time, you will surely benefit greatly from me, you will surely be happy to live with me because i am a unique girl.
In all honesty, I am a good girl, sexy looking, Honest, Humble, lovable, cheerful, smart, intelligent, truthful and above all have the fear of God. You will surely be proud of me and you will be very happy to have me because i must always obey your order and also be submissive to you.
Please can you be able to send the $300 to me so that i can give it to the woman to enable her start work? I'm even afraid to ask for financial help from you because you will say that we just knew
ourselves, but if you really wish in you heart to help me, i know you will do and God will bless you for your kindness in future, i swear.
So i will be expecting your message so that i will know what to do.
Thanks and God bless.
Many luv and kisses.
Kylie B Malik.

Kylie
Something that you wrote has me concerned; "i really want to join you in Switzerland" - I never said that I'm in Switzerland. Are you writing to someone else as well? I don't like being two-timed!
Malcolm Reynolds

My Dear,
Good morning. It was a mistake. Maybe when I was replying you, my mind thought it was Switzerland you mentioned to me as where you are living in. I have just checked and found out that you said you are living in Australia but a citizen of America. Please just forget about that. I am never writing to any other person. If I have got another person, why should I be disturbing you? I cannot do a thing of that sort. All I need is to get assisted out of this Africa and since I have found
you, my mind has been telling me that you are meant for me. Please my dear, help me with the $650 required to process my passport to start coming over to join you anywhere you wanted. As I said, am losing my mind here and i do not want to die of depression. Let me know if you can help me with the money so that I can go to the woman to collect information on how you will send the money because I have no identification here to receive any money. I am waiting to hear from you my love. Attached is my pics of revealing my blessing from God which you will enjoy always when i join you. Do have a nice day.
Many hugs and kisses
Kylie

Kylie
Word of caution - don't ever tell me that I promised to do something when I never made any such promise; that's a sure sign of a user-girlfriend. That's why I never married Cammy's mother, and I'm grateful that Cammy didn't accept the stories Amanda told her about me.
Also, don't try to twist my arm with that "dying of depression" thing. I've had depression; it's part of the PTSD I'm fighting.
Final question for now; who's the woman providing that passport?
Malcolm Reynolds

My Luv, am sorry if I have offended you by my words in any way. You should understand that am writing out of frustration because I want to get out of this hellish country as quickly as possible because too much hardship here and am losing my mind if am not having any hope.
As you asked, the woman who is going to process the passport is an immigration woman here living close to my area here. She promised to process a Republic Benin or Togolese Passport which has a better image out there than Nigerian passport. She will also assist me in securing the visa.. Should I ask her to give me the information to receive the money?
Please my luv, kindly help me as God will also help you in many other ways.
Kisses and caresses to you my luv,
Kylie.

18 January 2019
Hi dear, how are you today? I did not hear from you again. Is everything alright with you? Please reply to me whether you are going
to assist me or not so that I will know what next to do.
Kylie

Kylie
I've been off the grid - it's part of how I earn a living; teaching people how to survive in the wild, which means being out of contact with civilization. Sorry, I should have said.
I'm still uncertain about that woman who said she get you a Togolese or Benin passport. You could never pass for a citizen of either country, seriously. I don't think that Border Control would believe you, and it would be for nothing.
Malcolm Reynolds

19 January 2019
My dear,
Thanks for getting back to me. There are many blonde women and men that were born here even in Nigeria as a citizen by the white sailors who come here with their ships to Nigeria and other African countries. When they come here, they get married to black women here and made children. Some of them get the black women here pregnant and let their kids here and they grow up here as white people such as myself. The immigration woman has taken everything in consideration and assured me that I will go through everything successfully/ Please my dear help me and God will help you too as you help an orphan. Besides you will benefit greatly from my late father's investments that I inherited. Should I arrange the information through which you will send the money and send to you?
I am waiting for your response.
Kylie.

Kylie
I have a name, and you know it; why don't you ever use it?
I can see a problem with your solution - namely, that you're 100% Nordic; blonde and blue-eyed, just like Cammy in fact. Also, it doesn't matter what white sailors did in Nigeria back in the day; you were talking about Togo and Benin.
Final note; you talk about God rewarding me for helping you - I'm an atheist. I don't believe in supernatural or divine forces.
Malcolm Reynolds

My dear Malcolm,
Please sir, if you want to help me, kindly help me. The immigration woman promised to get me passport from either Nigeria, Togo or Republic of Benin depending on the one that will get me easy access into your country without difficulties. You are the one that talked about the difficulties I will have because of the colour of my skin if i bear their passport and that was why i told you that it will not matter because there are many white skin people here in Nigeria and even in the other African countries whom were fathered by the sailors that came here in the past.I am happy you knew about it and i can tell you that it is not a problem at all to my trip as i am not the first person who will bear African passport as a white skin person. Please help me but if you feel that you cannot help me, just tell me so that I will know what to do next. I am waiting for your reply.Thanks
Kylie

Kylie
Two things; forget the 'sir' and stow the attitude! "If you want to help me, please help me' is the kind of attitude that broke me from Amanda. I forgave her a lot, but never that emotional blackmail.
Helping someone does not mean blindly hurling money at a problem. It means also being constructive and I am being constructive. If you have a problem, then break it down into its component parts and see how it can be fixed is the method of choice for me.
You're of Libyan-German ancestry and lived in Libya. I presume that you're tri-lingual (which is impressive in itself - I was the despair of foreign language teachers; contrariwise, I came top of the class in English expression). You want to claim to be a citizen of Benin or Togo (Nigeria being a last resort), but you wouldn't speak the native languages of either nation. So maybe you'll say you're a naturalized citizen. So where are your naturalization papers? And where's the other documentation of your former life?
I know you'll probably complain about what I've written. Well, my former military career had a lot of times where dealing with a problem before it became a bigger problem saved lives, materiel and money. It's the best way, darlin, so deal with it and work with me.
Malcolm Reynolds

Now she says something unwise. I think you can guess.

21 January 2019
Oh my dearest,. What you should know about is that my family was targeted by National Transitional Council forces during the war in Libya that happened in 2011 because my entire family was a very strong loyalist to the former Libyan leader Muammar Qaddafi's and beside my late father Engineer Haruna Ahmed Malik was a personal assistance on Oil matters to Saif al-Arab Gaddafi one of sons of Colonel Muammar Gaddafi, by then, my late father made so much money when Muammar Qaddafi was still in power.
Before the war, my parents treated me so well because they are wealthy family and i am their only child by then, my parents enure that they put me in one of the best school there, it is a private International school owned by a British man, that was where i learnt English and my parents do not speak Arab to me, they communicated with English, so i do not speak Arab well my.
So my dear, you will know the person you met online the day you will meet me in person, please i just want to know if you will still help me with the money so that i can get my traveling documents, I need to come over so that we can meet each other so that we can be together and talk about my future, you need to receive my Inheritance funds as my husband because it has over stayed in the bank, this is the right time to claim the funds, please i need to move out of this country as soon as possible.
I want to come over there, i want to get married, settle as a married woman, then i will start my nursing school there because i want to be a nurse, this is my dream in future. Please trust me and believe in me, I will not disappoint you. so my coming over to meet you will not be liability for you, rather it must surely be a blessing for you.
So Please i really want to know if you can send the money to me and let me know the actual day you will send the money, i will be expecting your reply. I really appreciates and you will be very happy when you will meet me.
Thanks and god bless.
Regards
Kylie

KCIP - Kill; Capture If Possible.
I was losing interest in our "zaftig blonde," to be honest.

Your father was a Gadhafiy loyalist... well, that's a kick in the teeth. Time was, I was training to be part of the force ready to go into Libya at a moment's notice, and any of his or his sons' cronies would have been on the KCIP list. And now I'm supposed to help his spoiled prom queen daughter to profit from his wealth.

24 January 2019
Dear Reynolds it appears you are adding to my grief. If you feel you cannot help me please just tell me and leave me alone so i can look for who else to be with me and to assist me than just keeping me here and wasting my time.. Thank you

Fair enough. Time to say goodbye, "Kylie."

Kylie.
If you can truly feel any grief, then spare some for the 259 passengers and crew of Pan AM 103 and the eleven citizens of Lockerbie in Scotland, and for the people in Ireland and England, who were killed or maimed by Semtex supplied by the Libyan government. While you grew up living on the fat of the land, people were being murdered by the system that nurtured you; weep for them, if you have tears for anyone but yourself.