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 I've got a real idiot here.

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Jimlad
Master Baiter


Joined: 05 Aug 2011
Posts: 236
Location: East Acton Labour Exchange


PostPosted: Wed Jan 23, 2019 12:21 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I've been toying with this lad for a day or two but wasn't expecting much from him. He wants $125 for a security certificate that will release a $10.5m windfall to me. (I'm SO lucky). I told him I couldn't afford the cash so I'd send him the fee in used stamps. He didn't understand the concept. That's where the fun began.

Quote:
Lad:what you mean used stamps
Me: Just what it says. Little squares of coloured paper that you find on envelopes...each with a value, torn off same and sent to you in payment.
Lad: I don't understand
Me: Well you're just rubbish then!
Lad: No I'm not
Me: Well if you're not explain to me why you don't know what used stamps are?
Lad: We are talking about money to pay your charges which is just $125 only.
Me: Yes. $125 IN USED STAMPS! Which part of that statement don't you understand? This is the picture of your payment of $125. All I have to do is put them in an envelope and put a stamp on it. What is your address?


I then sent him a picture of a pile of old stamps taken from the web and to my utter amazement he went for it!Shocked

Quote:
So when are you going to mail it to this address below, xxxx orchard hill dr Belton Texas xxxxx.


In for a penny, in for a pound:

Quote:
I'll do it at lunchtime. In about an hour.


Then the penny drops. Oh. So. Slowly.

Quote:
that is not money


I reassure him...the doubting Thomas that he is.

Quote:
Yes, it is. Each stamp has a value and they can be cashed. It's a well known fact.


That's where I am at the moment. He's gone quiet for now. Obviously checking his philately catalogue Razz

_________________
Owner of the world's greatest collection of 14th century Italian explosions.
Closed lad accounts x27
Saudi Arabia Italy

"KISS MY GUN NEXT WEEK, TELLING ANY ONE WILL MAKE YOU DIE FASTER". - Hitlad Joshua Clement
"What i have to regret is to have TAToo on my lift forearm, because, i will lose my community member. then will serpent me". - Prophet Felix
"Thanks for your massage and Im interested for this fisting". - Sam Chika
"I don't think that I'm talking to human being like me I think you are a robot". - Mark Obi

Last edited by Jimlad on Wed Jan 23, 2019 1:40 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Linoline
Dume Dutch Bag


Joined: 06 Apr 2018
Posts: 1289
Location: In the tulip fields


PostPosted: Wed Jan 23, 2019 1:01 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Laughing nice idea. Looking forward to see where this will be going

_________________
Closed lad accounts x46 Mortar Whip Jack Boot Vcamera 56x Safari 10x

My Collection of lad frustration

"I have been stuck here in a terrorist land they all lie to me. I don't have the package and I don't have money to get back home" Sven
"You put money in the parcel now am suffering you are not helping" Sven
"you can art well.. Cuuning and smart..." - "You put me through this with all the bastard you called your client" Daniboy
"Yes I am your good lad" Raisin
"I can't engage myself with lalalovemaking with that bitch" Kevin The idiot
"I'm bucking you right now. I'm done with this bulls hit. I'll report you to the FBI if you still keep talking to me." Tyler
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Jimlad
Master Baiter


Joined: 05 Aug 2011
Posts: 236
Location: East Acton Labour Exchange


PostPosted: Wed Jan 23, 2019 1:38 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

But wait...
After telling him that used stamps really do have a monetary value, he seems reassured:

Quote:
Ok, thanks.
I will be expecting to get the tracking number once you mail it via UPS.


A fake postal receipt will be winging its way to him soon because UPS is just too expensive Wink

_________________
Owner of the world's greatest collection of 14th century Italian explosions.
Closed lad accounts x27
Saudi Arabia Italy

"KISS MY GUN NEXT WEEK, TELLING ANY ONE WILL MAKE YOU DIE FASTER". - Hitlad Joshua Clement
"What i have to regret is to have TAToo on my lift forearm, because, i will lose my community member. then will serpent me". - Prophet Felix
"Thanks for your massage and Im interested for this fisting". - Sam Chika
"I don't think that I'm talking to human being like me I think you are a robot". - Mark Obi
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Yastreb
Common Street Thawth Vergabon


Joined: 04 Apr 2006
Posts: 16123
Location: Leading my wolf pack


PostPosted: Wed Jan 23, 2019 11:50 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

'Tis a shame you couldn't go the full Goon Show on him, where seemingly just about anything was negotiable currency.

Seagoon: Old wrinkled retainer! My retinue and I require kippo for the night - I'm willing to pay. Look, here's an advance, three shillings in unused buttons.
Henry Crun: Oh, I'll sew them on my cheque book at once.

And, funnily enough:

Grytpype: Mr. Snagge, I fear you have arrived too late to save Mr Greenslade. He has already signed a theatrical contract at £5 a week.
Snagge: Five pounds? There isn't that much!
Grytpype: Yes, there is, and here it is in used stamps.

_________________
I will heed the advice of a polite horse for it is written that more flies are caught with honey than vinegar... although assault carbines and monstrous wolves are still fun.

Spindrift - Pretty Rose
United Kingdom x5 Spain New Zealand Senegal Ghana x2 Benin Closed lad accounts x 204 , km km:fire:
Safari x 5 - Oyenka Chidinma Lagos-Cotonou; Dickyboi Lagos-Accra; Femmy Lagos-Porto Novo; "Woody" Accra-Singapore; Henry Philip Abuja-Natitingou w/MG & DSW
Sand Timer x 7: Dufus & Abavana/Capt Joseph Annan/Victor Walla/Ohene Agyekum/James Jeffrey/Peace Akpobor & John Mensah/Tony Kalaby & Addo Gilbert
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Jimlad
Master Baiter


Joined: 05 Aug 2011
Posts: 236
Location: East Acton Labour Exchange


PostPosted: Fri Jan 25, 2019 7:55 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Absolutely. This is my favourite

Grytpype-Thynne: Neddie, my heavily-oiled friend here and I, are rather anxious to get to Pevensey Bay Station tonight.
Neddie: You'll never do it. There are no trains.
Grytpype-Thynne: We know. Perhaps a lift on your snowplough?
Neddie: Out of the question. It's against the rules.
Grytpype-Thynne: We have money.
Neddie: Money?
Grytpype-Thynne: Yes! To prove we're not lying, here's a photograph of a shilling.
Neddie: What wealth!
Grytpype-Thynne: Yes, and there are more photographs where that came from.

_________________
Owner of the world's greatest collection of 14th century Italian explosions.
Closed lad accounts x27
Saudi Arabia Italy

"KISS MY GUN NEXT WEEK, TELLING ANY ONE WILL MAKE YOU DIE FASTER". - Hitlad Joshua Clement
"What i have to regret is to have TAToo on my lift forearm, because, i will lose my community member. then will serpent me". - Prophet Felix
"Thanks for your massage and Im interested for this fisting". - Sam Chika
"I don't think that I'm talking to human being like me I think you are a robot". - Mark Obi
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MorganleFay
Elite Baiter


Joined: 28 Mar 2015
Posts: 1581


PostPosted: Fri Jan 25, 2019 8:52 am Reply with quoteBack to top

^^LOL

Always loved the Goons.
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pete515
Elite Baiter


Joined: 19 Apr 2008
Posts: 1237


PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2019 9:27 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Me too. But our American contingent must be wondering what the hell all this talk about the Goons is about

_________________
Easter 2015Closed lad accounts LOTS
Safari David Mark - Lagos/Yankari SSC
Sand Timer David Mark -3 years
Sand Timer Simon Dormoo - 1 year+, a standard 419er who became my love lad
United States x2 ME Foundation Home, Bank of Afrique
United Kingdom

"..a strange voice like a wild pussy cat yelled at me and then paused......It was terrible, I nearly threw my phone away, and it scared me." Lad talks to a fax machine.

"mother remember I trusted you with all my hearth, remember I fouled with my blood that I am ready to take you as my biological mother remember I gave you my hope, my spirit and soul that you will lie to me or cheat me" Elinah Kipkalya
"you sun of a beach ".."you foolish and bustard stinking dead dog". More from the fragrant Elinah 4 weeks later.
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Jimlad
Master Baiter


Joined: 05 Aug 2011
Posts: 236
Location: East Acton Labour Exchange


PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2019 12:01 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

The latest developments with my halfwitted friend who's waiting for his stamps after being assured of their value to him:

Quote:
Lad: Ok, thanks. I will be expecting to get the tracking number once you mail it via UPS.
Me:UPS is too expensive. I'll put a stamp on it and send it in the post. Wink
Lad: Okay dear beneficiary, please send me all the information okay.
Me: Ok, I will do it tonight after I get home from work.


I leave him to stew for a couple of days.

Quote:
Lad: Hello dear beneficiary, any update yet?
Me: I'm sorry Mr. Moore for the delay. My great aunt Minnie died from cancer of the breast on Wednesday so I hope you'll forgive my not having our business at the front of my mind. Below is a scan of the proof of posting for your stamps. (A real proof of posting that I Photoshopped)
Lad: When will the receiver receive it and what country did you send the stamps from.


If he read the proof of posting he'd know so a mild slap is duly administered:

Quote:
In about three working days. As for the country I sent them from, did you not look at the proof of posting I sent you? At the top it says postoffice.co.uk. UK? Do you not know what that is?


He seems chastened:

Quote:
I know sir.


Next, when the parcel never arrives, I will have to introduce a corrupt Customs Officer who wants paid if chummy here wants his stamps. Twisted Evil

_________________
Owner of the world's greatest collection of 14th century Italian explosions.
Closed lad accounts x27
Saudi Arabia Italy

"KISS MY GUN NEXT WEEK, TELLING ANY ONE WILL MAKE YOU DIE FASTER". - Hitlad Joshua Clement
"What i have to regret is to have TAToo on my lift forearm, because, i will lose my community member. then will serpent me". - Prophet Felix
"Thanks for your massage and Im interested for this fisting". - Sam Chika
"I don't think that I'm talking to human being like me I think you are a robot". - Mark Obi
View user's profileSend private message
Yastreb
Common Street Thawth Vergabon


Joined: 04 Apr 2006
Posts: 16123
Location: Leading my wolf pack


PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2019 12:22 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Here, for our American readers, are some links relating to the highly esteemed Goon Show!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Goon_Show

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Radio/TheGoonShow

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctM_Rvgjfpo

_________________
I will heed the advice of a polite horse for it is written that more flies are caught with honey than vinegar... although assault carbines and monstrous wolves are still fun.

Spindrift - Pretty Rose
United Kingdom x5 Spain New Zealand Senegal Ghana x2 Benin Closed lad accounts x 204 , km km:fire:
Safari x 5 - Oyenka Chidinma Lagos-Cotonou; Dickyboi Lagos-Accra; Femmy Lagos-Porto Novo; "Woody" Accra-Singapore; Henry Philip Abuja-Natitingou w/MG & DSW
Sand Timer x 7: Dufus & Abavana/Capt Joseph Annan/Victor Walla/Ohene Agyekum/James Jeffrey/Peace Akpobor & John Mensah/Tony Kalaby & Addo Gilbert
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Jimlad
Master Baiter


Joined: 05 Aug 2011
Posts: 236
Location: East Acton Labour Exchange


PostPosted: Wed Jan 30, 2019 12:56 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

My poor lad. He's just got no luck with this transaction. Some corrupt fellow (my dolla chopping alter ego, Zulu Aganga) at the USPS has his parcel of used stamps and is in the mood for a bit of extortion:

Quote:
Hello.
I am officer of the USPS. I saw your package today from the UK. According to customs declaration it contain money which has been sent to you from UK. Since this has come from outside the US country it has no origin point within US leagal status. Perhaps you would like pay me for you to recieve this package. It was sent without correct delivery fee so you must pay me a balance to recieve it. Do not contact the USPS about this or your parcel will vanish Yahoo boy.
Send $50 to me by Western Union by tomorrow or its bye bye to your money

Zulu Aganga


Poor lad. What IS he to do Crying or Very sad Twisted Evil

_________________
Owner of the world's greatest collection of 14th century Italian explosions.
Closed lad accounts x27
Saudi Arabia Italy

"KISS MY GUN NEXT WEEK, TELLING ANY ONE WILL MAKE YOU DIE FASTER". - Hitlad Joshua Clement
"What i have to regret is to have TAToo on my lift forearm, because, i will lose my community member. then will serpent me". - Prophet Felix
"Thanks for your massage and Im interested for this fisting". - Sam Chika
"I don't think that I'm talking to human being like me I think you are a robot". - Mark Obi
View user's profileSend private message
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