Let it go.... "I, Sven, am not a gay!"

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Posted: Thu Jan 17, 2019 5:27 pm

^^^ "... so tomorrow you'll have time enough to look for that statues you promised me."

Muhahahaha!
I'm sure our dear Sven is delighted and happy, his life has taken a wonderful turn and he is very relaxed. Laughing

Posted: Thu Jan 17, 2019 6:33 pm

Oh yes, he should get used to working. Laziness won't be tolerated. Laughing

This just landed in Sister Dave's mailbox. It's cringeworthy.

Sven singing I don't want to miss a thing by Aerosmith

Sister Dave's final response for today:

Quote:

My dear brother Sven,

Thank you for sending the list at such short notice. It is highly appreciated. However The Bible verses should be written out completely in clear handwriting. I thought I mentioned this.

Be blessed
Sister Dave

He'll be delighted

Posted: Thu Jan 17, 2019 9:58 pm

Earlier this evening these gems landed in my mailboxes
Sister Dave received the Bibleverses written out

Rose received some pictures and a form

Tarzan

Superman

Dracula

Tinkerbell

Aren't these so much better than the first ones he made. Laughing

I like the Tinkerbell dress, but Rose will be most impressed with Tarzan, because we have plans for him in that direction. The other pictures were just for our amusement.

Back on messenger
8:00 PM
Sven: Am done with all both church and Rose
9:14 PM
Anna: Why, what's wrong? I misunderstood and thought he didn't want to do it anymore, I didn't see the trophies in my mailbox yet. Laughing

I'm working on my list now. Did you submit yours?
[color=darkred]Sven: Yes
Anna: Then I think it's ok to show you part of mine. since you're finished
don't tell them I showed you okay?
[color=darkred]Sven: Ok
I prepared this before I came online. Makes the whole thing even more credible (yes I realize I have terrible handwriting, but I have a chronic pain condition, the lad doesn't have an excuse)

Sven: Good
I want to see your picture writing
Anna: I just showed you
Sven: I want your on it dear
<picture of my hand writing another line>
<picture of a 3rd Bibleverse added>
Anna: I'm not going to send you more. I couldn't even send you this and I don't want to get into trouble with rev. Greenham
Anna logged off again to work on finishing her list.

Rose replied the lad late in the evening. She works on her own schedule, not bound by office hours.

Quote:

Hi Sven,

Thank you very much. I can see you've made some real effort to really represent these characters well. I like your creativity, this is an essential character trait for actors. Tomorrow we will make the first selection of all applicants and I will get back to you by the end of the day to let you know if you are selected to proceed or not.

Cheers, Rose

ETA

Quote:

I really do appreciate Rose. Thanks

Kinds Regards,
Sven

Not quite a Newb Joined: 05 Jan 2015 Posts: 62

This is incredible Shocked

Posted: Thu Jan 17, 2019 11:01 pm

Yes, this lad is a lot of fun. Very obedient. This looks promising.
In the first post I'm keeping a list of all the trophies he delivered till now.... it's a lot. There's also a list of tasks he still has to do and a list of things we are planning to have him do before he gets his parcel... or has to go get it... whatever.

Sven: Good
I love your hand
11:01 PM
Sven: Got a mail from Rose
<Rose's email>
another hour later
Emma: This is good news right?
Sven: Yes
What have you been doing since
Emma: I have been working on my list and was praying over it because there are so much verses to choose from, I wanted to pick the right ones
Sven: OK good
Hope you have eaten
Emma: yes I did. Did you?
Sven: Yes
Guess where I am now
Emma: at home?
Sven: Nope
Church
Emma: on a thursday evening? What's the occasion?
Sven: 2hours prayer session
<picture of him in church>
Emma: Then I shouldn't disturb you. Tell me about it tomorrow
Sven: Alright
Go to bed now
Goodnight
Sweet dreams
Emma: I will. Goodnight

Posted: Thu Jan 17, 2019 11:25 pm

OMG!!! The Tinker Bell pants!!!!!!! LMAO!!!!!!! Please do ask him where he found those. I think I need a pair.

Posted: Thu Jan 17, 2019 11:50 pm

I think Sven has a promising career ahead of him; if not in acting, at least in costuming. Do keep in mind that even if he appears best-suited for Tarzan, any good actor must be able to act in a variety of roles, so that Tinker Bell costume may see the light of day at some point.

Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2019 6:08 am

Linoline wrote:

Earlier this evening these gems landed in my mailboxes

===

Friday

05.48 - Very early in the morning, cardinal Agnarr wrote to Sven... yes, yes, everything is ok now.
Sure, the parcel will be unlocked... hmm, but our dear Sven have to write "Pater Noster" by 30 times. Yeap, exactly! Laughing

Quote:

Dear son, dear my Sven,

I want this sad event to be the first and last. I will not accept that my direct orders to be forgotten or neglected in favor of other issues related to your ordinary life.
The Holy Church of the Lamb is caring for its parishioners, but they must be fully committed!
No delays or refusal to listen to orders received from hierarchical Eater superiors are permitted or tolerated!
When you will become a Local Reverend (or, perhaps, you will ascend higher in the hierarchy), you will understand these requirements much better.

I forgave you now and I will allow to resume the shipping of that parcel.
As a penance, so that you do not forget what we have spoken today, you must write the prayer Pater Noster by hand, for 30 times.
You have 24 hours, starting with this message, to write, scan and send back to me the 30 copies of Pater Noster. You understand me?
I warn you that I will study them carefully and count them to make sure they are not "one single prayer copied by 30 times" or somehow faked.

After receiving all the 30 scanned copies, I will offer you my blessing and you will be able to begin admissions procedures.
This penance is not a punishment, my son! It's just a milestone in your new life: a proud member of the Eater community of the Holy Lamb!

Be blessed, glory to the Holy Lamb!
Cardinal Agnarr

===

07.30 - Almost 2 hours later, our moron received a very good news from manager Claude:

Quote:

Dear Victor,

I just received a message from the local Moroccan TSC manager.
The package # ***JHL5Z868I7*** has been unlocked.
Today it will reach the following destination: Airport of Dakar, in Senegal.

Thank you for using TSC, the finest in 5-Star Customer Service.
Claude

===

Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2019 8:23 am

9:04 Sven forwarded the Cardinal's message to Anna and wrote

Quote:

I don't understand the prayer Pater Noster

Does Nigeria not have Google? Rolling Eyes

Emma responded:

Quote:

Oh, I had to do that once when I forgot to come to an appointment with rev. Greenham. I was sick in bed, and forgot to tell him.
Pater Noster is our Lords Prayer

Pater noster, qui es in caelis,
sanctificetur nomen tuum,
adveniat regnum tuum,
fiat voluntas tua,
sicut in caelo, et in terra.
Panem nostrum supersubstantialem da nobis hodie;
et dimitte nobis debita nostra,
sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris;
et ne inducas nos in tentationem;
sed libera nos a Malo.

This is the English translation, I'm sure you know it, but as he requested Pater Noster, I suggest you use the above one.
Our Father who art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us,
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.

Sven:

Quote:

Thanks 👑

Quote:

Am I going to write it to him in English or the Latin language

Since he didn't read what I wrote, why not give him some extra work? Laughing

Quote:

I don't know, but why not both?

9:25 Sister Dave wrote to our moron

Quote:

Dear brother Sven,

Rev. Greenham asked me to tell you that he is very pleased with your preparations for the wedding. This morning Anna brought by her list of Bible verses and there are some similar in them, that will surely be used during your wedding ceremony. It is such a good sign, we can see that the Lord leads and blesses this union of lovers Himself. Hallelujah!
As for the song, he was very pleased and wants you to come to the church when you arrive in England, to practice it together with the pianist and the choir, to make it extra special. So please make sure you know these lyrics by heart, because it won't look nice if you have to sing from a piece of paper on your wedding day.

The next step in the preparations is the preparing of the wedding vows. You and Anna will both have to write your own vows, to say to each other during the ceremony. It will be a great show of love and commitment if you would write them yourself completely, but if you are unable to do so, you are allowed to use this as a reference. https://www.shutterfly.com/ideas/romantic-wedding-vows/

You will have to submit your handwritten vows to me, Also you have to make a video of yourself reading them so reverend Greenham can see that they are from your heart and you are fully convinced of the things you promise. You'll have to submit this as soon as possible, but not later than Sunday. Anna will discuss her vows with reverend Greenham this Sunday after service. Again, you are not allowed to share your vows with each other before the wedding day. This is a sacred matter that can't be ingnored.

Be blessed,
Sister Dave

Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2019 8:26 am

^^^ Both will be much better... right? Laughing

08.53 - Our dear Sven writes a message to manager Claude:

Quote:

Thanks Claude for the updates we expect more updates about the parcel

Half an hour later, I sent him this message + a Customer Satisfaction.pdf form... We already knows that our moron adore to write forms, right? Laughing

Quote:

Dear Sven,
If you follow the package route in the online application on the TSC website, you will be able to know (in real time) where the package is.
But of course, I will send you an immediate update when I receive the confirmation that the parcel # ***JHL5Z868I7*** has reached the next collection / pickup point.

I asked you to scan, complete and send back this questionnaire (see attachment). It is a form that helps us improve our services and evaluates the satisfaction of our clients.
On the basis of the score obtained, the financial bonuses granted at the end of the month are calculated.
It is very important for all our clients to express their opinions about the quality of the services provided by the company.
The questionnaire can also be sent in handwritten form, under private signature. Thank you for your cooperation!

Thank you for using TSC, the finest in 5-Star Customer Service.
Claude

===

09.35 - Obviously, he's trying to postpone everything. Hmm, lazy bastard. Laughing

Quote:

Dear Claude,

I will fill the form. But I thought I will receive the parcel at my door step since you have the address

Claude to Sven:

Quote:

Dear Sven,

Our financial bonuses are granted monthly, so these questionnaires must be completed. I'm waiting for this questionnaire form, okay?
Please send me your feedback regarding the services provided so far, regarding the way the company communicates with you (as a customer) regarding the accuracy of the information received so far.
It is, if you want to consider, just a brief characterization of how you (as client) feel that the company (as provider) is acting for your interests.

Thank you for using TSC, the finest in 5-Star Customer Service.
Claude

===

At the same time, our idiot say "thanks" to my Cardinal Agnarr:

Quote:

Dear Sir,

Thank you

Be blessed,
Sven

My old cardinal, to Sven:

Quote:

You are welcome, my dear son!
If any questions's there, please let me know.

The sooner I get those prayers written by you, the sooner I will put you in contact with our church's secretary for initiating admissions.
I want you to finish everything until you come here. Father Paul (Reverend of Liverpool's Parish) told me that our young sister Anna is eager to get married and that she does not want to lose any seconds.
It looks like this young woman is in love with you and I want to make sure that you will be able to love her and take care of her.

In the sacred name of our Holy Lamb, be blessed!
Cardinal Agnarr

===

Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2019 8:39 am

9:38 Sven to sister Dave

Quote:

Dear MA,

Thank you, I will get back to you on that.

Be Blessed,
Sven

Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2019 8:57 am

09.55 - Our boy will be very busy today. He's preparing those 30 handwritten prayers Laughing

Quote:

Thank you for your understanding Cardinal.
Am on the prayers now, I will get back to you shortly

===

Father Bob Oaken, the general secretary of the Eater Congregation will enter the scene soon... immediately after Sven will send us those handwritten prayers. Laughing

===

10.30 - We want to make him happy over the weekend Laughing

, so manager Claude wrote to Sven:

Quote:

Dear Sven, I've received right now one message from our Senegal branch - from the Local manager.
The package # ***JHL5Z868I7*** has just reached the commercial hub of Leopold Sedar Airport (Dakar - Senegal).
Please do not forget about the questionnaire form. It's very important for our financial bonuses.

Thank you for using TSC, the finest in 5-Star Customer Service.
Claude

If he will check the online application, he will see this. Laughing

===

Sven, regarding the "questionnaire" form:

Quote:

Thank you, I will do that.

===

Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2019 12:08 pm

Oh Dakar.... how much we love you. Laughing

8:51 AM
Sven: Good morning, how was your night
9:54 AM
Anna: not very good
Are you going to send me pictures of the statues today? I'm going to proceed this weekend with the redecorating of my home
I also want to look at white wedding dresses tomorrow, so I really need the picture of the traditional wedding dress to be able to make a well founded decision.
10:31
Sven: am busy now with what cardinal requested for. I will go to the statue shop when am done
Why are you not very good
[color][color=black]12:10 PM
Anna: I just have nightmares troubling me
Sven: What type of night mares
Tell me how the nightmare goes
Anna: You don't want to know the details. It's usually about the things my ex did
Sven: Not again Anna
Are you still thinking about him
Anna: I don't want to and when I'm awake it's ok, but at night bad memories come back
I wish you were here to hold me at night. It would be so much better
Sven: Why don't you message me then
Yes
Anna: because you need your sleep as well
Sven: Go and print my picture and put it beside your bed and look at it when you have that dream if you look at it you will smile and be happy
Am always with you
Anna: maybe you can read my favorite love poem for me. So I can look at you reading it and listen to your sweet voice
(message was read.... long pause
I have to go now, I'll email it to you
Sven: Ok
Be good

A little over half an hour later I sent him a looooooong love poem

Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2019 12:17 pm

^^^ Muhahahaha! Laughing

Quote:

... Go and print my picture and put it beside your bed
and look at it when you have that dream
if you look at it
you will smile and be happy.

Can I make a humble suggestion? Laughing

Baiting Guru Joined: 25 Jul 2017 Posts: 2107

Love the tinkerbell outfit....
The "performance bonuses" for the shipping company are laughable. Given the history of thefts, mix ups, non delivery and such no one at the company could ever live off "bonus" money!

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Quite the amazing lad you have here.

Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2019 1:31 pm

sparky905 wrote:

Love the tinkerbell outfit....

Me too!

===

@Jayhawk: We really hope that our moron will be also a great traveller... we have some plans with him. Twisted Evil

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

@Linoline - your handwriting is very neat and attractive.

@Birlic - you really cheered up my day with your humble suggestion for a suitable bedside photo; I'm still laughing

This is a super bait, guys. That lad is so painfully thin it hurts to look at him. Tarzan, indeed. Shocked

I think not. Laughing

Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2019 2:28 pm

This is wonderful work! What a lucky lad to have such caring people helping him!

Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2019 2:59 pm

MorganleFay, thank you. It used to be better a few years ago. Thankfully typing is not much of a problem.

Birlic, Using that picture Anna might never sleep again but die of laughing too much.

Anna: I just emailed it to you. Did you receive it?
Sven: Yes. Will work on it
Anna: thank you honey. I hope it'll help me sleep more better
Sven: Good
Going out
Be good
Anna: where are you going?
Sven: Statue shop
Anna: ok. show me the things you like best
Sven: Is that poem the one you are ask to write out in church
Later
Anna: No, that poem I just sent to you is the one you promised to read to me
The vows we need to write out in church, you should send them to Dave. She gave me a resource for inspiration, did she gave that to you too? I am going to give mine to rev. Greenham this Sunday
Sven: I will do the same

Am just back now where I went too I can't find it there I only saw frames I was told to come back next week that the statue will be in stock
Anna: You promised me today, so you'll need to find another place
Sven: 😂
I was been taken there by my friend
Anna: Are you in Africa?
Sven: Cave designs is not that common in my area
Anna: not common means that it's there you only need to search more better
Sven: I went to a supermarket before I can see those frames and they said they are out of stock for statue because demands for it too much
As your lordship pleases my queen 😂
Anna: then go to people who have them at home and make some sample pictures
thank you very much sir
Okay
Sven: How are you feeling now
Anna: Not overly happy to be honest
And by the way, why did you go to a supermarket to look for statues?
Sven: When we have be parading the street so we ask some people around and said we should go to the mall that we will see there because they have someone bringing it for them
Anna: so go there

Rose sent him a lovely message:

Quote:

Hi Sven,

Looking again at your pictures I really admire the creativity you used in portraying these characters. Where did you find that lovely green outfit for Tinkerbell? and the fangs of Dracula, how did you make them? You forgot the cape, but the fangs really make up for that. I don't really think you'd be a Superman, but Tarzan makes my heart beat a little faster.

I am happy to announce that you have been selected out of 893 candidates to move on to the next round of auditions. There are only 150 candidates left now and we will need 30 actors for a musical production with a jungle theme. So this requires you not only to be able to portray a character well, but also sing and do some dancing. Taking these numbers into consideration, I hope you will take this audition very seriously. We are working on a musical production in 2 parts with the same cast for both. One that will be suitable for the whole family, one that is specifically for adults.

We will need you to submit 3 video's, each with a few specific requirements

#1 The Yell
For this one you will need to wear a loincloth. Not like the one in your picture, but please use a piece of brown or beige fabric wrapped around your pelvis. It is not allowed to wear anything else than this. No underwear,shorts or shoes are allowed to be visible and you need to reproduce this yell to your best ability while also portraying your character. I advice you to do some research on Tarzan to really identify yourself with this character.

#2 The Tarzan song
You have to use the same clothing as in the first video, but in this one you are allowed, and adviced to use some more attributes, like a necklace with bones, a belt, scarf in your hair, like you see in this video. Be creative. Personal input is highly appreciated.
For this video you might need help from others. It will be a good show of commitment to this job if you will make sure this will be taken care of.

#3 Monkey's
As you can see this is the video more aimed at an adult audience and it requires a different way of singing.
For this video you will also need the help from others. The costume for this video is different from the other 2 as you can see. We understand that a monkey costume is difficult for you to achieve, but you might use brown pants and shirt without any images or text on it, craft a headband with the monkey ears on it and use a brown scarf or other piece of fabric to make a tail. You will have to perform this barefeet.

For all the video's it is required to record them on a real stage or outside in daylight.
You can play the original music out loud, so it will be heard on the video and you can sing and perform along with it, but your voice must be heard properly over the music.
The other people you will use to help you with the video's will not be receiving a rating, you are the only one that will be reviewed, but as you can understand it's essential to use more people to make these videos as it will show your ability to not only play a role but also play a role alongside others in a production.

The final submission date for these video's is Monday January 21st.

I would also like to ask you a small favor. The producer has a celebration coming up because we're working on the 75th production right now and we want to surprise him by having all the currently auditioning actors make a picture for him saying congratulations and add one of his favorite drinks. We'll print these out and apply them to bottles we will give him at his surprise celebration party. Your sign should say <snipped for now>
This is not mandatory, but would be very much appreciated and it would be a nice show of commitment.

Cheers,
Rose

He immediately forwarded it to Anna and replied Rose

Quote:

Dear Rose,

I do appreciate it and I will work on it to bring out the best. Thanks

Cheers,
Sven

Sven: Am working now on cardinal request which is to be submitted today. Check your mail box
Anna: ok
your picture to me was also to be sent today as you promised
Sven: Honey
I can't just stop laughing
Anna: I read the email, Can't watch the video's here, but this is great news
Sven: You're mine you should understand me I stop the write just because of you this noon and I couldn't get the statue that was why I sent you the pictures of the frame for you to be sure I went there
You will watch it when you are home
Anna: yes I will, but I still need a picture of statues like you promised
Sven: I will
Just be calm 😘

Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2019 5:07 pm

Our dear Sven sent us some new trophies!

To manager Claude - The Satisfaction Questionnaire Laughing

===

To my old Cardinal - ALL the 30 handwritten Pater Noster prayers... Latin & English! Laughing

===

18.05 - Claude to Sven:

Quote:

Dear Sven, thank you!
I've received your files, right now.

Thank you for using TSC, the finest in 5-Star Customer Service.
Claude

===

18.25 - 20 minutes later, Cardinal Agnarr wrote to Sven:

Quote:

Dear my son,

I have received those 2 messages from you and I want to confirm that everything is okay.
I'm excited and happy to see that you're a serious man, so you and Anna have my blessing!

After tomorrow's sermon, I will discuss with our Secretary-General of the Congregation - Father Bob Oaken and I will ask him to assist you further. There are a few small details of finalization, small details and bureaucratic issues (administrative issues) related to your Admittance procedure.

Please be polite and respond promptly to the secretary's messages.
You will receive a message from him, the next few days.

In the sacred name of our Holy Lamb, be blessed!
Cardinal Agnarr

===

19.18 - Sven to Claude... our moron is hoping. Laughing

Quote:

Thank you! Will be happy to see the parcel sooner also

===

Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2019 9:05 pm

This lad even does some fine self-baiting

8:24 PM
Anna: Good evening
Sven: How are you
Anna: I'm ok, just happy that it's the weekend now
how are you?
Sven: How was your day
Anna: it was busy. Did you make the picture of the statues for me?
Sven: You don't want to go to work 😂
Am fine
I got a mail from cardinal
<email>
Anna: I never said I don't want to go to work, you asked how it was, and I told you it was a busy day. That's not necessarily a bad thing
Sven: Honey I couldn't find it, no1 use it around here I even went to see the guy that dress me up for the groom attire and he said its hard to find around this vicinity
Just kidding
Anna: kidding about what?
Sven: Just saying that to make you think otherwise 😂
I know my baby is hardworking
TGIF
Tomorrow I know you will be out with your friends
Kidding about weekend
Anna: for the statue, you could easily go out of the vicinity to find it. why didn't you?
and the guy that dressed you, didn't he have a wedding dress?
it's like you don't want to do what you promised
Sven: No he doesn't sow women Africa wedding dress
Come on why won't I do what will make you happy. He said he will help me ask his colleagues where else to get the statue
That was why I told you to be calm
Anna: and when will you send me a picture? I only have sunday to do the redecorating so I need to know. And tomorrow I go looking for wedding dresses and I don't know with what to compare it.
You're making things very difficult for me
Sven: Anna you are buy wedding gown. You will use Africa own when we are here in Nigeria for the second phase of the wedding
And statue doesn't affect or stop decoration it's just a piece of wood which will be hang on the wall
Anna: I told you I don't know yet I need to know my options before I decide
And it's important to me. Why do you not understand that? YOu promised me
Sven: Ok
I will do it but get it you can't wear Africa wedding attire to church wedding
I will get the statue and the African attire
Anna: Yes I can and when will you?
Sven: When you are out tomorrow I will be out also to go on a search
Anna: And when were you going to read me the poem? Can you do it now so I can listen to it and look at you before I fall asleep?
It's dark here except if you only want audio
There is no 💡
Anna: turn on the lights
hm
Sven: This is Nigeria my lady
They have taken off the light
Should I send you audio and send the video tomorrow morning
Anna: 😍 You have the best ideas
Sven: Ok
Be right back
Anna: ok
After more than half an hour
Sven: Mail box now
Anna: aye captain
Sven: Meaning
Anna: I'm not your dog to command
Sven: Hello
Anna: hi
Sven: Meaning of aye captain
Anna: meaning I was not happy with you commanding me
Sven: How did I command you
Anna: mail box now
Sven: that's an order like you're speaking to a soldier or a dog
Anna: Anna
Sven: I just don't write in full I just said mailbox that is you have the audio in your mailbox
Anna: then that is what you should've said
Sven: Sorry madam
Anna: thank you for sending me the recording. I will listen to it before I go to sleep
Sven: Ok
Anna: did you start preparing for the audition?
Sven: What audition
Rose?
Anna: yes of course. Are there others that I don't know about?
Sven: Why did say that
Anna: because you ask me what audition and as far as I know you only have the one from rosy
Sven: Ok
Have you eaten
Anna: Yes and I'm ready to go out now. I'm meeting some friends at a bar
but you didn't answer my question
Sven: No I don't have other audition
Anna: and the answer to my other question
Sven: What question
Anna: did you start preparing for the audition?
Sven: I will start that tomorrow
Do you want to come and join me
Anna: how?
Sven: When I will do the Tarzan dancing video
Anna: but her email said you have to submit it this monday
and I'm not there
Sven: Yes
Anna: sorry honey, got to go now
Sven: Goodnight
Anna: good night
love you
Sven: Be good
Love you too

Audio record of Sven reading poetry

And for who's interested: in the first post is a link to scribd to see the full 30 written out Pater Noster prayers

Posted: Sat Jan 19, 2019 8:13 am

^^^ LOL! He will be delighted to make a new video reading that love poem. I'm very sure! Laughing

Saturday

09.00 - A new day? Yes! And also some new tasks for our moron! Right? Laughing

... father Bob (the secretary of the church) wrote to Sven. I sent him two documents: "Adhesion" form and "the sacred words of the Faith".

Quote:

Holy Lamb will bless your soul, my young brother Sven!
Firstly, you have to know that you have great protectors in our Holy Eater Church.
Our venerable leader, His Excellence Cardinal Agnarr, already talked very nice about you with our church brother, Reverend-Father Paul from Liverpool.

So, let me introduce myself properly.
- I'm Reverend-Father Bob Oaken and my position in Eater Church hierarchy is General Secretary of the Congregation.
- My duty is to take care of all documents out of the church and to check that all important documents are in order and well prepared.
- I am a practical man and do not like to talk too much. Please keep in mind all these aspects in your communication with me.

Ok, let's start the discussion regarding your registration as a member of Eater community.
His Excellence, our venerable Cardinal Agnarr, God bless Him, He asked me for you to apply the most simple admission procedure.
So, regulation of our Holy Church requires some steps, necessary and compulsory, for each new regular member of our Faith.
We will start with the beggining and please keep in mind that I will be here for any questions that you can have.

The first stage: "Your Faith - Presentation"

1) You have to fulfil a simple form of "Adhesion" to our Eater Church:
- It is a standardized document, which I will send it to you attached to this message.
- Should be completed in capital letters (uppercase), in English (with blue ink). Scan back to me.

2) You have to answer to some questions about our Holy Faith:
- Which's your prefered chapter in the Holy Book (Bible)? Why? (you have to explain your choice in few words)
- Who's your favorite Saint personality of our Faith? Why? (you have to explain your choice in few words)
- Which is your favorite prayer? Why? (you have to explain your choice in few words)

3) You have to send me your personal "Proof of Faith" photo-confession.
- Is just a personal picture that will confess your Faith in the sacred Holy Lamb (it is about Jesus, as our Eater Church patron).
- Must be accompanied by "the sacred words of the Faith", printed on a large paper / cardboard. You must hold the card on which the sacred words are written.
- The photo must be done outside in sunlight. This requirement is related to some religious aspects of our Faith, but still not appropriate to go into such details now.
- I'll send you our "sacred words of the Faith", that you can print directly.

When you have everything ready, I expect a message from you.
Be blessed,
Father Bob
Eater Church - General Secretary

10.42 - Sven to father Bob:

Quote:

Dear Sir,

I just got your mail. I will get back to you. Thanks

Be blessed
Sven

===

14.26 - Sven to Claude... our moron is impatient about his parcel.
It is clear that the idiot is preoccupied and checks the "real" position of "his" package. Laughing

Quote:

Hi Claude,

Do this ship often move on Saturdays and Sundays because I receive no update and I check through your site still in dakar since yesterday. Thanks

Claude's answer:

Quote:

Dear Sven,

Our usual work schedule is Monday-Saturday, but for packages that are still in transit, everything depends on the other factors that ensure the whole process: the customs authority, the commercial flight schedule, the bureaucratic operations specific to each country. In ordinary cases, transit takes about 24-48 hours, but unforeseen delays and various incidents may always occur.
I will keep you informed about the situation.

Thank you for using TSC, the finest in 5-Star Customer Service.
Claude

===

Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2019 8:38 am

Sunday

Our moron sent us some new trophy:
- his Adhesion form,
- the Holy Answers
- the Proof of Faith photo. Laughing

Sven to father Bob (church secretary):

Quote:

Dear Father Bob,

Good morning, I hope you get the form filling mail I sent yesterday. Thanks

Be blessed,
Sven

Father Bob:

Quote:

Son, both of them: the Adhesion form and the Sacred words cardboard must be printed. Handwritten forms are NOT accepted.
Please refit them in accordance with the official request and, when you're ready, send it back to me.

Be blessed,
father Bob

===

Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2019 11:35 am

I really like that he calls Anna his saint. I'm wondering what his opinion on that is after we're done with him

SAT 9:54 AM
Sven: Good morning, how was your night
Anna: Too short, I was home late
Sven: How was the party
Anna: No party, just hanging out at a bar
Sven: Good
Hope you are taking care of your pretty self
I got a mail from the secretary Father Bob
Anna: What did he say?
Sven: To answer questions
I will mail you
Do you pass through all this level
Anna: I don't know what he asked of you, but I had to do a proof of faith, needed to say a slogan before the congregation while holding a sign with the church logo. And I needed to fill some forms
Answer some questions. It's all pretty standard procedures I think
Sven: I know
I have sent it to your mailbox
Anna: Did he ask the same of you?
Sven: Yes
Anna: Ok, I see. Nothing too difficult
Sven: I know
I have a lot at hand
The written and video vow, rose requirements
Anna: I know, but you can do it right?
Sven: What are you doing
Anna: I need to prepare breakfast
I'll won't distract you any longer, we'll talk later
Sven: Be good
SAT 11:21 AM
Sven: Hi
I need your opinion on this
I was ask would I like monthly payment?
3 activities after a member?

12:13 Rose to Sven

Quote:

Hi Sven,

The links were in the last email I"ve sent you, but here they are again.

https://youtu.be/MwHWbsvgQUE
https://youtu.be/IlDjEd8gAkI
https://youtu.be/6f7pgA0riU8

Please make sure to submit your audition on time

Cheers,
Rose

13:11 Anna to Sven

Quote:

I'm in the bridal store now. So I can't be on messenger now. Can you send whatever you wanted to say to my email?
Love, Anna

13:22 Sven to Rose

Quote:

Thanks, I'll check them out

14:00 Sister Dave to Sven

Quote:

Dear brother Sven,

I'm not in the church office much today, we're busy preparing a charity dinner for the poor citizens, but I'll make sure rev Greenham will receive this.

Be blessed,
Sister Dave

SAT 5:08 PM
Anna: What three activities are you talking about. And who wants to know if you want a monthly payment?
Did you make the picture of the statue for me?
Sven: I ask because you have been through this process before
Anna: You mean with the church?
Sven: Yes
Anna: It's been a few years, maybe they changed the process
Just answer the questions honestly and you should be fine
Sven: Yeah
Where are you
Anna: In the city. Going for dinner soon
Sven: Good
SAT 9:21 PM
Anna: Hi honey, how was your day?
Sven: Fine but stressful and yours
Anna: Same
It's so hard to decide the style for my wedding dress
Sven: Do you see the bride dress you like
Are you the only one that went there
Anna: White or ivory, beads, lace or both, sleeves or sleeveles, or straps or not. Straight dress or full skirt
I didn't know what to pick And you still didn't send me the picture of the african dress
I'm so stressed
Sven: Sorry
African dress is iro and buba
Quite different from wedding dress
Anna: I buy nothing for a sorry, you need to do what you promised. I'll have the same problem tomorrow when working on redecorating the home. Did you send pictures of statues? No you didn't and you promised that a week ago
That's not an excuse to not send a picture, that just makes it even more important
Sven: The statue was what took most of my time. I was under the sun searching for it I couldn't find it I was ask to wait for yesterday supermarket to restock
Just be calm dear am working seriously on it also
Anna: It takes so long and I only have the weekend for things like this. But maybe you want me to work on things like that after a long day at the office. I don't know
Did you make the video of the poem? I was hoping that was the reason you sent me that email earlier today
Sven: Honey be calm
Anna: I'm not calm. Don't you realise this is important for me?
Sven: You are the one that said I should be in the picture
Anna: I had one fucked up marriage, this time everything must be perfect
Sven: You're doing this for me to be comfortable right?
Anna: For us, so don't tell me you don't need it. It's important to me
Sven: Am not saying I don't need but you have to be calm
Anna: And you have to do what you promised. I'm waiting for the pictures of the statues for a week now, even longer for the pictures of that dress and you promised to send me today the video of the poem
Why do I even need to remind you of this every time?
Sven: Anna
I will send you the video now
But be calm with the dress and statue
Anna: Thank you
Sven: How can I be calm if the preparation of our wedding and life together depend on it?
You will have all this coming week
Baby I will do it
Anna: Hmm you said that before
Sven: I will
I can't forget my promise because you are everything to me
Anna: You just told me you'd send me the video. Where did you send it?
Sven: Yes its uploading
You will get it
The network
So you don't trust me again
Anna: Did I say that?
Sven: Be calm 😘
Anna: It's just giving me stress
Wait, my neighbor is at the door. She needs my help
Sven: Please attend
You can check your mail box now dear
SAT 11:37 PM
Sven: You will be up early tomorrow morning for church, so I think you should go to bed now
Goodnight
Sweet dreams
Around midnight
Anna: Honey I've seen the video, thank you for that, but can you please make one without the music on, because I can't hear you.
Love you
2:29 AM
Sven: Okay
Love you too

Sven reading Anna's poem
Unfortunately he also played that song, so we can't hear him all that well... Guess he'll have to try again. His intentions were good, but the execution not so much.

Let it go.... "I, Sven, am not a gay!"	View next topic View previous topic