Let it go.... "I, Sven, am not a gay!"

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Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2019 12:17 pm

Lydia, late father Bob's assistant to Sven

Quote:

Dear brother Sven

How are you? I hope everything is going well and you have been praying together with us for guidance.

I have been reading a lot of documents and correspondence between father Bob, Cardinal Agnar and Cardinal Frank the past few days. Cardinal Frank is a good friend and confidant of Cardinal Agnarr and personally I think there is a good chance that he will be elected as the new leader of the Eaterchurch.

Cardinal Agnarr and father Bob had an excellent opinion about you and had the vision that you could accomplish great things for our congregation. They even mentioned a role as a prelate of our congregation.

Sven, I hope you have been praying a lot and will let yourself be guided by the Spirit. Guidance can come from unexpected sources and if you receive a vision about our church and the continuation of leadership, please let us know.

Blessed be your soul
Laura Hollycraft

Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2019 1:17 pm

13.55 - My driver Baba just arrived in Parakou and he handed over the parcel to a local worker (named Seemba).
- Baba will stay overnight in Parakou and he wrote a message to "his" manager Qesha. Laughing

Quote:

bos qeshuun am jus got to parakoo warhouse na am handed ova da parsel
bos akwude was no hiere but am tok phon widh hiim na am left packaj hiere to una drivar name seemba
am spendt halfa fo 400 dolla an am bring rest beck to yu
to nigt am wil stay na parakoo am com beck niamee tomorou eveneg

If our boy will check "the real position" of the parcel, he will see this.

===

- Qesha will "forward" the Baba's message to Sven... with some appropriate additions. Laughing

- I'm sure our idiot will be happy to read that Baba has spent $200 (from "Sven's money") with food, hotel, drink and those two prostitutes. Twisted Evil

- Baba will be for one more night in Parakou, so I'm sure that he will spend even more money... Sven will be delighted! Laughing

Niger manager (Qesha) writes to Sven:

Quote:

Salam Sir Sven,
I formally inform you that package # ***JHL5Z868I7*** has reached our high security warehouse in Parakou - Benin.
For the details related to the delivery, you will need to get in touch with our local manager in Benin Mr. Akwoodi Ozause.

Mash'Allah!
Qesha

----- Forwarded Message -----
From: Baba < snip >
To: Qesha < snip >
Sent: Wednesday, February 6, 2019, 2:54:02 PM GMT+2
Subject: Fw: am on ma wey

bos qeshuun am jus got to parakoo warhouse na am handed ova da parsel
bos akwude was no hiere but am tok phon widh hiim na am left packaj hiere to una drivar name seemba
am spendt halfa fo 400 dolla an am bring rest beck to yu
to nigt am wil stay na parakoo am com beck niamee tomorou eveneg

===

14.45 - One hour later, my Benin manager of TSC, Mr. Akwoodi (a french muslim guy) writes to Sven...
- Yes, the package is safe, in custody of TSC Benin.
- Yes, the package can be brought to Cotonou city. Laughing

- Yes, a TSC delivery agent will be available for Sven, anytime & anywhere. Laughing

Quote:

Masah el kheir monsieur Sven RealName et salaam alaykum! Parlé vous français ou anglais?

Mon ami Qesha m'a dit que vous avais besoin d'aide à avec un colis qui devait arriver au Nigeria à Akure ville.

Est-ce que votre colis doit atteindre l'entrepôt du Bénin aujourd'hui? Il est déjà sous notre garde, en sécurité.

Frère de la foi, nous les musulmans devons être unis, alors je vais vous aider de tout ce que je peux.

Bien sûr, vous êtes un musulman comme nous, sinon Qesha n'aurait pas insisté si fort. J'espère que vous lui avez donné le maximum de points pour son évaluation.

L'argent que les kufaar paient pour notre travail est très peu pour la responsabilité que nous avons sur nos épaules.

Connaissez-vous notre grande ville de Cotonou et pouvez-vous contacter l'adresse directement, ou voulez-vous que je vous envoie un agent de livraison?

Il peut vous emmener de n'importe où dans le centre de la ville, de tout point central (dépend comment et quand vous venez de votre ville).

Salaam et masha Allah!

Akwoodi Ozause - Directeur régional TSC Benin

Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2019 3:23 pm

15:22 Sven: Am not fine. You left me here and went to bed
An hour later
Anna: I didn't. I was crying so much and couldn't breathe anymore so I had to take some calming medicine. I woke up on the sofa hours later. What is happening?

Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2019 3:52 pm

Nothing to Olaf this morning; I'll poke him a bit later.

Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2019 3:58 pm

Sven: I was told the package is in Benin Republic
Anna: Explain please
Sven: I needed money to go to Benin Republic
Anna: Where are you now?
Sven: Still stuck somewhere
Anna: where?
Sven: Kwara state
Anna: Let me check the map pls
Sven: I see
What are you doing there? You told me yesterday you were at the Niger border
Yes my brother raise little fund so the fund elaspse in kwara
Please check your email
Anna: That's so nice of him.
I have translated the email and sent it back already

The email he sent me is the French one and I dutifully translated it for him.

16:42 Sven to Laura

Quote:

Am fine Mrs Laura and You. Yes, am praying

Sven: where are you
Anna: At the office
What city are you now? Are you in a bus? Please tell me a little more dear

ETA
Sven: Don't let me scare you. I just get home now, am in the bus from kwara to my place some minutes ago but am home now. Thanks to God and my siblings with your prayers
Now on how to get the package here from Benin Republic
Anna: Oh thank God.
I was so worried
Please tell me everything. When did you go home where have you been, how was the trip. Are you ok?
Sven: Don't be worried
So bad
Never witness this type of trip since I was born
Anna: Please tell me everything honey, I've been so scared

He read the message, but isn't responding. I think he might be a bit tired.

Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2019 5:08 pm

Well played .....

Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2019 6:00 pm

Well, our moron is alive! Let the show continue! Laughing

Sven to my Benin manager (Mr. Akwoodi):

Quote:

Good evening Sir, please can translate to English

Akwoodi:

Quote:

Good evening, Mr. Sven,

I am the regional manager of the TSC - Benin branch.

The Niger manager (my friend Qesha) asked me to help you with a parcel that came to us today.

I understand that you are from Nigeria and that you are a Muslim, just like me and Qesha, so I will do all my best to help you.

I know the vast majority of Nigerian people come to Cotonou, so I can arrange for the parcel to be delivered there. Anywhere in the city, wherever you want.

If you were in Cotonou and you know the city, it's perfect! If not, then I can send a TSC courier directly to you, in any public and easy to find meeting place (at the airport, at the central market, anywhere).

Allah be with you!
Akwoodi

===

Sven to Niger manager (Mr. Qesha):

Quote:

You are causing me right. When your driver is playing me and allow me waste 42 hours on the bad roads without bathing, eating good food.

Qesha:

Quote:

Salam Mr. Sven, are you drunk, or are you on drugs? Please tell me.
You can easily check all the route Baba has been since yesterday morning. How dare you to offend us, me and my employees?
Everything is recorded in the TSC servers and appears in the online application (where customers can track where their packages are).
Let me tell you that I am disgusted by such an obsessive, ungrateful and mischievous behavior.

Mash'Allah!
Qesha

===

Sven to Akwoodi:

Quote:

Mr Osuaze, can your delivery agent bring the package to Akure ond state Nigeria by tomorrow and I will pay him the amount he wants but he must not open the package. Thanks

Akwoodi:

Quote:

Good evening, Mr. Sven,

I'm sorry, but my subsidiary operates only on the territory of the Benin Republic.

The answer is NO, I can not cross the international border and I can not make "external" deliveries.

Allah be with you!
Akwoodi

Sven:

Quote:

Please help me and let the package gets to my state in Nigeria. I will pay any amount the agent that bring it wants but he must not open the package. Please I use the Almighty Allah and the name of our noble Prophet Muhammad to beg you. Thanks

Akwoodi:

Quote:

Good evening Mr. Sven,

Allah's eyes are upon us, and He knows that we are not allowed to lie! Great is His power and infinite is His wisdom!

NO, I'm not allowed to transport parcels beyond the Benin border.

Regardless of my will, the law is clear and binding for everyone. Any irregularity of this type leads to the suspension of the operating license (as already happened in Nigeria, where my colleague Fabienne did something similar for a VIP client - he carried some diamonds to Cameroon and everything was over with a huge scandal and prohibiting the operation of our company in Abuja).

Allah be with you!
Akwoodi

===

Sven to Nancy:

Quote:

I will get back soon

===

Sven to Qesha... forwarding some of the last messages of Baba (late yesterday):

Quote:

This was what Mr baba did yesterday night that make me call him thief.
am alreedy on ma wey tu segbana am wil bi yauree na midnigt
if yu hav acont on goes site yu can see on-line uere de position iz

and

Quote:

Instead of him to tell he won't come, he will still tell me to go and snap myself. Which he already knows he won't come.
He make me wander about in an unknown land. After I got the late last night he now said

and

Quote:

If you are in my shoe what will you. That was why I called him thief because I went through hell

Qesha:

Quote:

Salam Mr. Sven,
Do not be stupid and do not try to fool me with false statements!
Baba tried to cross the border between Benin and Nigeria, but soldiers in the border guard wanted to open the parcel.
Our company does not allow this, so Baba refused access of the military men and he returned back to the last settlement near the border (in Segbana).
I've seen all of his messages and I know that he invited you to come there to Segbana to eat and sleep in the hotel. You refused and you offended him!
So do not tell me bullshit now, okay?

Mash'Allah!
Qesha

===

Not quite a Newb Joined: 08 Nov 2018 Posts: 46

Oh, I do hope Sven somehow messes up and lets someone from the church see his messages where claims to be muslim.

You all are true masters of this art. This has been the most exciting, hilarious bait I have ever seen.

Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2019 6:19 pm

^^^ If you read the EATER's GREATEST HITS section, you will find there many many pieces of scambaiting art. clapping

===

Sven to Akwoodi:

Quote:

Okay, thanks

===

Sven to Qesha:

Quote:

What am saying is that he should tell me that he can't come

Quote:

Okay thank you. Sorry for all

Qesha:

Quote:

Salam Mr. Sven,
There's no problem, you're forgiven for all your offenses.
I think I understand the unpleasant moments that you've been through.
Please tell me if my colleague Akwoodi contacted you?
I asked him to help you, because you are a real Muslim brother. I hope you're a Muslim, right?

Mash'Allah!
Qesha

===

Sven to Baba:

Quote:

Thank you Mr baba. Am sorry for insulting you. Thank you for all regards to your family

===

Muhahahaha!
Akwoodi responds to Sven... he will be delighted to read this message:

Quote:

Frere Sven!
Please let me explain you how the current situation is:

1) Our High-Security warehouse is not in Cotonou, but in Parakou! This can be easily verified by the application that manages online the movement of all TSC packages. The # ***JHL5Z868I7*** package is a parcel declared "with high value content" and with prepaid insurance costs, so it is stored under strict surveillance in our High-Security Parakou warehouse. In Cotonou we have many delivery points, but they are used only for small packages, for letters, for worthless documents. I thought mon frere Qesha informed you about all these things and that's why he turned to me and asked me to help you in particular mode. My delivery agent Mr. Seemba can be instructed to take you from the Cotonou and bring you directly to TSC warehouse in Parakou and then back to Cotonou.

2) If you want to come directly to the Parakou warehouse, nothing easier. The address of the deposit is 3.7 km from the RNIE6 intersection with Rocade Street, after the airport, in the direction of Tourou. In the intersection there is a well-known restaurant: Le Sherif. Many TSC inscribed signposts are mounted on the main road in such a way that access to the depot's yard is easy to find for drivers. In this case, there is no need for any special arrangement for you. Please take into account that our location is located outside the city and can be accessed only by car.

3) Remember that the working schedule of the warehouse is 08.00-18.00 daily except for Sunday. I also hope that someone from our company has explained to you what that 45-day deadline means:
"According to internal regulations, if a parcel is not taken over this time frame, then it is considered abandoned and its content is shared among the local team members delivery. "
In your case, this deadline expires on March 18 at 10am.

Salaam and mash' Allah!
Akwoodi

===

Sven to Qesha:

Quote:

I contacted him and I propose to him maybe they can help me bring it to Nigeria but he said its implicating

Qesha:

Quote:

Salam!
Brother Sven, do not avoid the answer that can bring you into the state of True Happiness!
Tell me honestly, are you a Muslim like us? Or you are an faithless infidel?

Mash'Allah!
Qesha

Sven:

Quote:

What is faithless infidel

Qesha:

Quote:

Brother Sven, a faithless infidel is a cursed kufaar who does not believe in Allah and in the fact that Mohammed is His Prophet.
Tell me now, are you a Real Muslim?

Mash'Allah!
Qesha

If he says he's a Muslim, then someone in the church will find out. Laughing

===

Sven to Akwoodi:

Quote:

Can you please snap how the package box his. I want to show someone that want to borrow me money for transportation fee

Akwoodi

Quote:

Good evening brother Sven,
The package is a large wooden box on which one internal ID document and also the international transport document are applied.
Of course, yes, I'll take a picture tomorrow when I get to the warehouse.

Allah is great!
Akwoodi

===

21.20 - He still insists on that picture of the parcel... to Qesha:

Quote:

Am not a Muslim but I just love Muslim, I love to be around them because of the way they pray and the unity in them. Thanks

and

Quote:

Please do you have the picture of how the package box look like. Because I want to show it to someone that want to borrow me money because I use all I have to come to kebbi

Qesha:

Quote:

Sorry Mr. Sven, I do not understand what you want. What picture?
It's a big box made of wood. I do not know what's inside, because we only have a document that proves to be a high value content (HVC).
Mash'Allah!
Qesha

Sven:

Quote:

Thank you

===

22.25 - Sven to Nancy:

Quote:

I get only That because most of the transport don't issues receipt. but feeding allowance is not there because what I eat don't have receipt

and

Quote:

Am yet to recover the parcel in Niger border due to terrorist attack, going there was just a waste of expenses and I will go to Benin Republic again

Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2019 9:54 pm

Nice to hear that he's already thinking of another road trip. I hope it's soon. This last one was so much fun to read! Laughing

Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2019 10:02 pm

17:41 Olaf to Sven

Quote:

How are you doing today Sven? Have you left that dangerous war zone yet? Stress isn’t good for the constitution, you know. We are worried here about you. Please let me know ASAP where you are and what is happening. A dead actor can’t perform.

18:42 Sven to Olaf (he either lies to olaf or to Anna)

Quote:

Just on my way home now, the journey will take 18hrs before getting home. Thanks

18:42 Sven to Anna

Quote:

Please check your facebook now its urgent 😢 😢

18:56 Olaf to Sven

Quote:

Wow, that’s a long journey! How do you manage to not be bored on such a long trip? I can barely survive a plane flight without my Kindle. Once you get home safe and sound, be sure to tell us what happened. We are all on tenterhooks here wondering what you were doing in such a dangerous area. Justin thinks you’re some sort of secret agent for the Nigerian government—is that true? Of course you couldn’t tell us if that were really the case. If the journey is that long, now is the perfect time to write your journal entries while your exploits are still fresh in your mind.

Sven:The house is hot
No one is believing this package anyone
Everyone has been weeping because I went to the deadiest state in Nigeria
Now the family is in debt. They went to borrow money when my mom was crying that they should save me so I will be home
Anna I beg you in the name of holy lamb please save my family from shame and let them believe you are God sent to me and you love me
The family is owing #33800 which is $100
Please do these for me and save me from shame. Everyone is turning there back on me thinking I lie about the parcel
Please for God sake do anything you can do now and early tomorrow before those my family own comes to harass please Emma 😢 😢 😢
9:52 PM
Anna: Oh no... 😢
Sven: My mom is very mad at me and she's crying
I don't know what to do am helpless because I have no money to repay the debt
Anna: I don't know what to do, I have sent you all I have
Sven: Me and my parents will be embarrass tomorrow morning for been a debtor and all this happen because of me
I can never forgive myself
Anna: Oh no. I'm so sorry 😞
Sven: And they insist on hearing your voice even if you pay the debt
Anna: oh my god, you really asking me to risk my health?
Sven: Just to make them happy remember I risk my life to a deadliest state just to get the package and be there with you
Anna: I know you did
Sven: Just say it good morning to you all and you will stop the video
Please make them happy
You promise me some pictures with your friends in the bridal store
Anna: Oh, I'm sorry, I totally forgot to send it to you. All the issues with the parcel made me forget
Sven: It wasn't allowed at the bridal store, but I had my friend make a picture in another store
Will you send it now
Anna: I just did, dont you see it?
Sven: It's lovely
You all are beautiful
Anna: 😘 Thank you honey
Did you have some rest since you're home?
Sven: No, how will I sleep when everyone is looking for money to pay the debt
Yet to rest
Anna: I don't know, but you need some rest honey
Sven: Very weak now
I will rest until my family is save from embarrassment just for me and you
😢 😢 no one to run to and cry for help
Anna: I know
I have a massive headache

And I logged off to do some more photoshopping for the picture he requested

ETA
Sven: Don't have that
Sleeping
Good night baby
Sweet dreams 😘
Anna: can't sleep. I"m worried too much

Posted: Thu Feb 07, 2019 6:24 am

Thursday

- Linoline has created, and I've "colored" some images to show the parcel... Sven asked to borrow money, and someone smarter than he raised this natural problem: "Let's see the package!" Laughing

- I'll try to postpone sending pictures to Sven, but anyway, that's it!
- We also have large sizes.

===

07.00 - Sven to sister Dave (secretary of the local parish - Liverpool)

Quote:

Good morning Mrs Dave, i want to tell you about the shipping company. They couldn't get the package here. They stopped at Niger Republic they said I should come to collect it in there I tried to but the plan failed because Niger is very dangerous country. Now the parcel is in Benin Republic and I was ask to come but I can't go there because if I do .my life will be in danger. The company said I have till March 18th to come or you pay money to bring the parcel back or they share it among themselve. And they say they will open it before they can return it and it must not be open. The shipping company are very bad. Am confused

My opinion is he will ask for money in his next message to Sister Dave. We will see! Laughing

===

07.18 - Directly from the Accounting Department, miss Nancy answered tot he last messages of Sven... he must prepare a VERY detailed handwritten Report, with all of his expenses. Laughing

Quote:

Dear Mr. Sven, I'm trying to understand something of this story and nothing is clear to me.
Please give me an "estimate amount", broken down by spending categories:
- transport
- various accommodation
- food and drink
- other miscellaneous expenses
Because you can not provide any supporting documents (receipts or invoices), a simple handwritten REPORT will be sufficient.
You are asked to explain (with exact details) every expense that you have made, as accurately as possible.
Let me explain, by some simple examples:
- February 07, 09.30 AM - I bought a train ticket on the route from city X to city Y - cost ?? dollars
- February 07, 10.05 AM - I bought a sandwich and a bottle of Pepsi Cola - cost ?? dollars
- February 07, 12.30 AM - I bought a beef steak and a bottle of red wine - cost ?? dollars
- February 07, 02.45 PM - I bought a bus ticket on the route from city Y to city W - cost ?? dollars

etc., etc., etc.... the exact date (day and time) are also very important. These Reports must be a mirror of your journey, so that all expenses are logically expressed.
You understand me?... all the expenses must be exprimate in US dollars.

Thank you!
Best regards, Nancy

===

07.39 - Sister Dave responds to Sven:

Quote:

Dear brother Sven,

I'm so sorry to hear this. Are you in safety now?
We have used the service of this company for many years now and I have never heard something like this.
They always deliver on time and have excellent customer service.What did they say about the reason the parcel is in Benin republic?
I don't understand your accusation about them being bad. We don't judge people just like that.
Our Lord Himself warned us not to judge others, because we would be judged also. We will pray for wisdom.

Be blessed
sister Dave

Sven to sister Dave:

Quote:

I have to rush back home because there was an attack in Niger and Nigeria border. Miss Anna knows all because she couldn't sleep when I embark on the dangerous journey

===

07.54 - Our dear Sven is really desperate. Laughing

... he wrote to Claude:

Quote:

Dear Claude,

Benin Republic is a Muslim country which is dangerous for me to go there. I told the Benin manager to help me bring it to Nigeria because they can do it but because am not a Muslim he said he can't. Remember your company is at fault. My life will be in danger if I go to Benin. Try and contact Abuja may the license is ready so they can bring the parcel to Nigeria. Thanks

===

08.15 - Sven to his dear Anna... he's angry with that young woman. Laughing

Quote:

You don't care if am embarrass today. Thank you for that Crying or Very sad

Anna:

Quote:

How can you say that? Of course I care, and I feel helplessness for not being able to do anything. Crying or Very sad

===

08.40 - Our moron responds Nancy and he sent me this new trophy. Laughing

So, Nancy writes again:

Quote:

Dear Mr. Sven, I got your report and all it's okay.
To avoid potential misinterpretation of your handwriting, I will ask you to write the same text but in a mail message.

Best regards, Nancy

===

09.15 - Claude (customer care manager) answer to Sven... a very promising message, I think. Laughing

Quote:

Dear Sven,

I will try to get more concrete information from our colleague in Abuja (local manager Fabienne). I can not talk too much, but there was an ugly business that ended badly.
A very important customer of ours (the owner of a big jewelry store) has requested an "unconventional" transport to be made in a neighboring country for which our company did not have an operating license. I can not give you more details, but the idea is that the transport was intercepted by some bandits and our guard team made use of the weapons. There were some dead and many injured men, so the scandal escalated with official reports... and police reports... and embassies complaints and all the rest of the troubles. Our operating license in Nigeria has been suspended indefinitely and we are now being solved. No one knows how long it will take.

My sincere opinion is to try to pick up the parcel in Benin, but establish with the local manager to make delivery somewhere in a safe and public area. Perhaps at the international airport in Cotonou, because there are security staff and everything is safe. Did you solve the financial problem with Nancy? I'll try to talk to my colleague in Benin for him to pay (in cash) your transport expenses to Cotonou. Each of our subsidiaries has some "reserve" funds (for bribery and other such unofficial things), so it will not be a problem for Akwoodi to send his driver with your parcel and with a sum of 500-1000 dollars cash.

Thank you for using TSC, the finest in 5-Star Customer Service.
Claude

===

09.20 - A lot of messages between Sven, Anne and sister Dave... more fun with our idiot. Laughing

Sven to Anna:

Quote:

Have talk to sister Dave about the parcel. Talk to her also

Anna:

Quote:

What did you tell her? What do you want me to say? Is there anything she can do?

... our moron forwarded to Anna the last sister Dave's message... so, Anna wrote again:

Quote:

I see. Did you explain why the parcel couldn't be brought to you?

Sven... so laconic. Laughing

Quote:

Yeah

Anna:

Quote:

What did you tell her? What do you want me to say? Is there anything she can do?

Sven:

Quote:

To tell the company the parcel must get here

Anna:

Quote:

Ok, I'll ask her. I will let you know what she says

Sven:

Quote:

Ok, thanks.

Sister Dave to Sven:

Quote:

Dear brother Sven,

An attack? Are you ok? May the Lord be with you to protect you.
I have received the messages you forwarded to me and I see that they have a problem with Nigerian authorities, is this correct? If that is the case I want to advise you to contact the shipping company and come to an agreement and also ask for a settlement of expenses. Since it is not your fault I believe it will be common courtesy that they will honour your request.

Be blessed
sister Dave

Sven:

Quote:

Yes. They insist I must come to Benin Republic to get the package myself which I can't go because it very dangerous and its a Muslim country. They often attack Christians

Sister Dave:

Quote:

Dear brother Sven

That does sound dangerous. I will pray for the Lord to protect you on the paths where He brings you

Be blessed
sister Dave

Sven:

Quote:

Thank you.

Sister Dave:

Quote:

Dear brother Sven,

I just got a message from Sister Anna, she is on her way here now. If there's anything I need to know about this situation, please tell me now. You are in our prayers constantly

Be blessed
sister Dave

Sven:

Quote:

Nothing, she knows everything already. Thanks

===

Our poor idiot is very active today... I think the loan-sharks are behind him ang they hard kick his lazy ass. Laughing

Sven to Nancy, a very short but nice recap of his expenses... he probably exaggerate, but is fun for us to read.

Quote:

ESTIMATED AMOUNT. (Go and Come)
1. TRANSPORT - i boarded a bus on the route of Akure to Abuja cost is $14
2. 11pm - boarded a bus from Abuja to Minna $20
3. 2am - boarded bus from Minna to Koko also to Kamba $25

FOOD AND DRINK
FEBRUARY 04 - 7PM
Bought a bread and drink $15
10:30pm - I went to eatery to buy rice, chicken with a bottle of water $20
I bought recharge cards to communicate $7

Notice: All the money must be send to my account or through western union
Account details:
Name - His_Real_Name
Account number - 073131****
Bank name - Access Bank Nigeria. Thanks

Nancy:

Quote:

Mr. Sven, thank you for cooperation.
I'll be back soon.

Best regards, Nancy

===

09.45 - Sven to Anna... a very funny message. Laughing

Quote:

You can't believe what just happen. I told my pastor that I want to go on a journey and he said God just saved me from a journey which I did not tell him. He said if I go that I may not be able to return because they will gang up on me for not being a Muslim and collect the parcel from me since I will have sign. The pastor said if you want me to get married to you and live happily that you must not allow me to go to Benin Republic. That we should look for another way to get the package here. You can tell reverend also and he will tell you something about the journey to Benin Republic

===

Back to the Sven-Claude dialogue. Laughing

Sven:

Quote:

Thanks. But we have talked before about believes. My pastor warned me that if I go to Benin Republic he only see me going but don't see me coming because its a Muslim country and they will gang up and collect the parcel and eventually life may be lost. You know what that means if your leader church warn. I Can't go to other African countries. Please let us look for another way

Claude:

Quote:

Dear Sven,

Jesus Christ, I think you're exaggerating a little bit. There are many american tourists visiting Benin and I think the situation is not that bad.
Basically, all you have to do is get to Cotonou airport and take the parcel and the money from the company's driver.
If you go there by plane, you do not even need to get out of the secured area of the airport.

How big is your parcel, what size does it have? I know we've talked about it yet, but nothing is clear for me.
If I look at all the transport costs (I'm talking about our internal cargo-reports), I can assume that you have received a rather voluminous and heavy package.
Obviously, you have to take into account the transport costs on the Cotonou-Akure route.
If you can estimate all these extra costs (round trip plane ticket and also the parcel shipping cost), then we will solve this delicate problem at the same time as delivery.

Thank you for using TSC, the finest in 5-Star Customer Service.
Claude

Sven:

Quote:

Now am exaggerating but I don't exaggerate when I risk my life on more than 40hrs journey to Niger border. Have you been to Nigeria before. You are a Christian you can pray about it also. This is open to everyone who can pray. I will send you something about Niger manager

Sven, again:

Quote:

That $500 to $1000 your company wants to give me why can't they use it to transfer the package to another shipping company that has Nigeria license but the package must not be open for any reason. They should hide it so the borders won't see the parcel because it won't be the only parcel they will bring to Nigeria. So far they bribe the military they can bring in parcels without searching

Claude explain the situation. Laughing

Quote:

Dear Sven, I think you're kidding!

The "secondary" transfer (that is, from a shipping company to another shipping company) is made only on the basis of an inventory list (IL) approved and verified by both parties.
That is, the parcel opens and notes / photographs all the goods inside. That's the standard procedure.

What you want to say (illegal crossing of the border and bribery of border officers) is impossible.
Especially since the scandal in Abuja is still in the attention of everyone. No one assumes such responsibility!

Thank you for using TSC, the finest in 5-Star Customer Service.
Claude

===

10.05 - Sven to Akwoodi... it's about those "parcel pictures".

Quote:

Good morning Mr Ozause please are you in office. Please don't forget to send me the picture of how the outer box look like and the picture should show the documents paste on it for identification like my name.

Akwoodi:

Quote:

Good morning brother Sven!

Today and tomorrow I am not in Parakou because I accompany a high-value transport in Cotonou.

I will ask one of the warehouse workers to take some photos and send them directly to you. Is fine for you?

Please let me know at least 24 hours before coming here so I can be present.

Your package is HVC (it has paid insurance fee) and you have to sign the receipt document.

Allah is great!
Akwoodi

Sven:

Quote:

Ok, thank you. It's fine they can take the picture but not to open the package

===

More fun with our moron... he "forwarded" (To Claude) some of the latest Qesha's messages... those relating to religion. Laughing

Claude responds, innocent 100%:

Quote:

Dear Sven,

All these messages mean nothing, let's be serious! All people help each other, especially if they are part of the same race, or have the same religion, or are from the same tribe, or any other form of organization. Niger manager Qesha thought you were a Muslim man and asked for some extra favors for you from manager Akwoodi (who is also a Muslim). There is nothing illegal and I see no problem here! Really!

If you ask for my sincere opinion, I think you should have declared yourself a Muslim. Perhaps Akwoodi would have made some extra concessions to your special situation.
After everything has been resolved, you could have taken to your Reverend and testified the sin of lies. It would have been just an innocent lie done for noble purpose. Easily forgiven by any Catholic pastor!

Thank you for using TSC, the finest in 5-Star Customer Service.
Claude

Sven, not happy but resemnate. Laughing

Quote:

Okay

===

Not quite a Newb Joined: 06 Apr 2016 Posts: 56

Maybe Sven could fly to Contonue, receive package in security area, open package and collect cash, plus the extra $1000 and put it in his pocket for return flight. Reseal package and give it to Fedex or DHL within secure airport area to have it delivered to his home address

Surely that solves all his security and parcel issues and gets the cash and his electronic goods safely to his home address

What could possibly go wrong?

Posted: Thu Feb 07, 2019 9:44 am

^^^ He knows he can not propose something like this to the "official" TSC representatives. But surely Anna can come up with this wonderful idea! Laughing

===

10.41 - Sven to Rose... He talks about his "very dangerous" journey. Laughing

Quote:

No am not a secret agent. A package was sent to me from UK to be deliver in Nigeria but the shipping company says the package is in Niger Republic and that I should come and get it there. That was why I went on the impromptu journey. Not knowing its the dangerous journey I will ever go. The package have something to do with my coming to UK because when I have the package my traveling will be faster

Rose:

Quote:

Hi Sven

If I understand correctly you can arrived home now. I assume you have been studying the lyrics for the assignment I gave you. I will for now ignore the fact that you didn't deliver it on time, because of special circumstances, but I expect you to send it to me before Saturday 8 PM. I believe I have given you sufficient extra time to work on it.
Since this is an assignment to prepare you for your role, I do not expect perfection, but I do expect you to take this seriously and deliver as best as you can.
The same advice as last time applies. The actors you choose to work with can either lift you up or bring you down. Study hard and make us proud.
Please submit your travel journal as well. It sounds like you can describe many emotions and situations from this experience. We want to be witness of the continuation of your creative process.

Cheers,
Rose

Our moron is so laconic. Laughing

Quote:

Thanks

Rose... she's angry:

Quote:

Sven,

I have explained to you before the importance of communication.
I have told you several things in my last message to you and you only reply with thank you.
Can I expect you to deliver the assignment before the new deadline and are you working on your travel journal?
Communication is key in this business.

Cheers,
Rose

===

11.00 - The well-known Laughing

character of mine, the delivery-boy Joojoo Amalauni sent those pictures (see message above) to our dear Sven.
Joojoo will be also "the designated driver" to bring that package in Cotonou and he will finally steal the money and electronics. Laughing

Quote:

MA OGA TOLD MI FO SEND U SOM PITURES DI PARSEL DAT CAME YESTRDAY FO NIJER

11.18 - Sven:

Quote:

Thanks

- We hope he accepts those pictures as "true". It all depends on it.
- If our idiot asks something about the unusual size of the package, then Anna will explain everything. Twisted Evil

- In the worst case scenario, we will accuse the manager of Benin branch (Akwoodi) that he has already stole the parcel and that he has "falsified" the pictures. Twisted Evil

We can continue the story from there. Laughing

===

11.32 - Anna to Sven:

Quote:

Honey I am now on my way back to work and will be busy catching up for the time I was gone. We'll talk later. Sister Dave promised to contact you.
Love Anna

Sven, back to Anna:

Quote:

Ok, take care honey

===

Well, I think our pictures was accepted as good ones! clapping

11.38 - Sven to Joojoo:

Quote:

Have you come to Nigeria before

Joojoo:

Quote:

I BI SAM-SAM FOR NIJIRIA BUT MA GRANMOMMA BI FOR GIDIS OJOKORO .SAY WETIN DO U ASK ?

Sven tried to get Joojoo to bring the parcel to Nigeria. He offered $ 200.

Quote:

Can you help me bring the parcel to Nigeria. I will pay you $200 but you must not open it

- Joojoo does not want the money, but he wants one of the laptops in the parcel... poor Sven! Laughing

- Of course, the package needs to be opened and all original packages must be removed. Otherwise you can not cross the border. Laughing

- I think our dear lad Sven will deny this "favor" that Joojoo might offer! Muhahahaha!

Quote:

SAY WETIN NO OPEN IT ?U GOT SOME SECRET INSIDE ?
AM ALREADY SABI WETIN DEY DERE BICOS IT WRITES EFRITIN FOR DI DOCUMENTS NA BICOS DI PACKAGE DON DI LABEL ATTACHED FO IT
AM COULD TRY FO BRIN EFRITIN FO NAIJIA BUT DI PARSEL NEEDS FO BI OPENED NA ALL DAT DEY DERE SUPPOSE TO BI REMOVED FO DI ORIGINAL PACKAGIN
WIT SUCH DI PARCEL ALSO FO SIZE NA WIT DI "STANDRD" SHAPE AM CAN NO CROSS DI BORDER
I NOR WAN MONI FO UNA BUT AM WANNA FO GET UNA DI LEPTOPS OUT DERE FO MA GIRLFREND

===

12.10 - Sister Dave writes to Sven:

Quote:

Dear brother Sven,

Sister Anna has been here with me this morning and she explained what you have been through. I must say it sounds terrible. Such a long journey to return home empty handed.
We have been praying for guidance and for the Lord to show us what needs to be done.
Did you already ask the shipping company to compensate the expenses of this trip and the extra costs that will be made to get the parcel to you, as I suggested earlier?
Is it an option to request handing it over to another shipping company that is allowed to deliver in Nigeria? Is it possible for you to pick up the parcel yourself?
If you want I can contact the shipping company for you. Do you have the contact information of the person in charge of handling your parcel right now?
May the Lord guide you and keep in mind to raise up our eyes to the mountains from where our help will be coming, like David said.

Be blessed
Sister Dave

===

LOL! More fun with ou poor idiot.

Sven to Joojoo. Laughing

Quote:

I know you know what is inside but I must be the one to open it myself

Joojoo explains that the parcel must be unpacked and that all the "original" packages have to be dumped... it is the only chance to hide the electronic products in the car and cross the border unnoticed.

Quote:

OK NA VERY SIMPLE KOM HIE NA TEK DI PARCEL
NO UNA CAN GO THROUG DAT IMMENSE BOX THROUG DI BORDER CONTROL POST WITHOUT ANY FROVLEMS
AM DISMANTEL EFRITIN NA THROW AWAY ORIGINAL PACKAGIN NA TRY FO HIDE LAPTOPS UNDER SOME OLD CLOTHES THROWN INTO DI MOTO MEBE I GET CHANCES FO GO UNNOTICED

I'm sure Sven will not be happy. Not at all! Laughing

12.55 - Sven to Joojoo... It seems he has abandoned the idea of asking for the package to be brought to Nigeria.

Quote:

Thank you. I will let you know when am coming

===

Sven to sister Dave, regarding the package and its transport across the border:

Quote:

They can ship it but they will want to open it and they must not open it

Posted: Thu Feb 07, 2019 12:45 pm

He's the gift that keeps on giving - lol

Posted: Thu Feb 07, 2019 12:50 pm

13.50 - The Benin TSC regional manager wrote to Sven:

Quote:

Mon frere Sven, please tell me if my man in Parakou sent those photos and everything is okay.

He does not answer the phone and I can not check it.

As I said in my previous message, today and tomorrow I am unavailable for package delivery in Parakou.

We have a normal working program on Saturdays 08-18.00 and Sunday is our day off.

Allah is great!
Akwoodi

===

13.52 - Sven asking Anna again about "the secret of the hidden money". Laughing

Quote:

Did you tell her the money you put inside the parcel

Anna:

Quote:

No I didn't tell her. She knows about the envelope, but not what's inside. She didn't ask. I told her it was a personal gift for you.

===

14.15 - He has answered to Akwoodi... our pictures were very good! Laughing

Quote:

Yes he sent it already. Thanks

Akwoodi, amable and very friendly:

Quote:

Bien mon frere, tres bien!

Qesha told me last day that you are an great admirer of our faith, and that is what I enjoy and makes me want to treat you as you deserve.

Right now I made a delivery for a family in Lagos, Nigeria.

They told me that there were no any problems in the Seme border area and that the traffic on Lagos-Badagry Expressway road was extremely lighter.

They came with a rented van and confirmed that they had no problems in the border.

I think you could take it into account, given that transport cargo on the plane seems very expensive.

If you agree, I could try to get an "unofficial" funding for you (from which you will pay the flight when returning to Nigeria).

Allah is great!
Akwoodi

===

14.35 - Sister Dave to Sven... I do not think this is the answer Sven expected. Laughing

Quote:

Dear brother Sven,

I don't know why they need to open it, there's an inventory list on the outside, but I don't see a problem to be honest.
If this makes it easier for you and they will ship your parcel to you, you have my blessing.

Be blessed,
Sister Dave

Sven:

Quote:

Thank you.

===

Short recap:
- Sven has a very very valuable parcel (laptops, smartphones, etc),
- The parcel is in Parakou - Benin,
- A huge amount of money ($25,000) is hidden in that parcel... this is illegal! Laughing

- Sven can not afford to open the package, because the money would be discovered and confiscated,
- Any attempt to transport the package across the border requires opening the box and inventory of products,
- The shipping company has agreed to donate some money, but the money will be paid only in cash, on delivery.

Sven seems to have no other choice but to come to Benin! Laughing

===

15.03 - Sven is idiot and he's trying to force things in the direction he wants. Laughing

Quote:

Thank you. I agree with you, I will pay them immediately I have the package in Nigeria. But sir they should not open it. Thank you Mr Ozause

and

Quote:

You will give me their contact so I can contact them when they are bringing the parcel. Thanks

Akwoodi:

Quote:

Frere Sven, I think you did not understand anything. I hope that you can not think I'd give your parcel to strangers? Ohh Great Allah, it is incredible what you can think of!

Your package will be released only after you will come here, personally, after your proper identification with your own passport!

It is imperative that you sign the reception report, which certifies that the seal of the box is intact and that the package is in excellent condition!

Only after that will you be given the amount of money agreed as compensation. I just wanted to try to help you get a bigger financial compensation that would allow you to go home by airplane (directly from the Cotonou International Airport). Or, if you wish, I can arrange for one of the drivers present at delivery to take you directly to Seme (in the nigerian border area).

But, I have to warn you very seriously, my drivers are not allowed to cross the border with the company car! It is forbidden and we risk losing an operating license, as Fabienne had in Abuja!

So, you have to come here and receive the parcel. After that, there are several possible variations, from which you choose the one you prefer.

Allah is great!
Akwoodi

Sven:

Quote:

Okay I will let you know when I will be coming. Thanks

Posted: Thu Feb 07, 2019 3:05 pm

Very nice work! Got yourself a good lad. Sounds like he'll be enjoying a nice vacation.

Posted: Thu Feb 07, 2019 3:20 pm

This is a nice (baiter) situation to be in, as every minute the lad is sitting on his arse being lazy gets him incessantly nagged by his creditors to do something and make it happen. This keeps the bait going at a fair old rate, the lads mind spinning, and the rest of us laughing our socks off

Meanwhile, his only way through this is to borrow even more money

It does not occur him to for one moment that the woman he wants to marry cannot provide photos requested or contact him by phone “because she would die of stress”, or that the box is a mere phantom of his imagination

This situation represents a complete reversal of the situation scam victims would find themselves in, and as such, is a masterpiece of ironic construction …..

Posted: Thu Feb 07, 2019 3:58 pm

^^^ Yeap, Linoline was lucky to find a very gullible idiot, and we handle things in a fun way. clapping

===

16.50 - Sven to Claude (customer care manager):

Quote:

Did you receive message from the sender to send the parcel to another shipping company that have license to bring parcels to Nigeria

Claude:

Quote:

Dear Sven,

Is this a statement or a question? Because I don't understand you very clear.
No, I did not yet get anything from The Sender of your package. But let me check and I will come back with details.
Have you decided to opt for a second shipping company? Have you thought about one? Have you discussed a price quote with them?
Tell me more.

Thank you for using TSC, the finest in 5-Star Customer Service.
Claude

17.05 - Sven:

Quote:

You will discuss that with the sender when they get in touch. Am yet to know the sender decision. Am only asking you if he contacted you

Claude:

Quote:

Dear Sven,
It seems that the manager of Benin Mr. Akwoodi is not present at the warehouse for 48 hours. I can not really know if he has received a request to relocate the parcel through a secondary company. Theoretically, such an application should be also on my desk, but sometimes it happens differently. I'll find out soon.

Thank you for using TSC, the finest in 5-Star Customer Service.
Claude

Posted: Thu Feb 07, 2019 4:21 pm

I can do facebook calls, but I simply don't want to. If I start that they want to call all the damn time. If the situation really calls for it I can send a voice message as a last resource. (but right now I have a nasty cold and sound more like a man, or a heavy smoker. I don't think Sven would like that). I have plenty pictures of my character, but I also only send those if it looks like I need to to continue the bait and keep my lad satisfied.

Early this morning
Sven: Okay
But you are not here
Anna: I'm here now
But I have to go to the office again today
Sven: It's good
You don't care if am embarrassed
9:14 AM
Anna: Don't say things like that. I'm going away from work to talk to Davina now

4:10 PM
Anna: honey how are you?
Sven: Not happy
Just indoor since morning
Everyone is not happy
Anna: I know. Me either. I"m so sad
Sven: Did you get my mail
Anna: Which one honey? I have received more from you today, but I missed a few hours of work this morning and have been very busy since
Sven: I forward a mail I got from Mrs Dave
Anna: Oh, yes, I've seen it. Did you answer her questions?
Sven: I told her they should send it here through another shipping company so far they won't open it
I want it here
Anna: Did you hear back from her?
Sven: <Dear brother Sven,

I don't know why they need to open it, there's an inventory list on the outside, but I don't see a problem to be honest. If this makes it easier for you and they will ship your parcel to you, you have my blessing.

Be blessed,
Sister Dave>

And I reply thank you
Anna: ok, so she told you that it's ok to send it through another shipping company. Did you ask the people from the shipping company if they can do that?
Sven: She will do that herself
But their customer care once told me they can give it to other company but the sender will pay
Anna: she said 'you have my blessing' I think that means that she's ok with shipping it with another company
Sven: All I want is they should not open it
Anna: no they shouldn't
Sven: Yes
So our prayers now is they should use the inventory list and not to verify by opening it
Can't wait to have the package and see the envelope
Anna: finally you will be able to come here
so did you request the shipping company to send it through another company?
Sven: The sender will do that
Anna: It didn't look to me like she's going to ask them. Maybe you should be more clear about you wanting her to do that
Sven: I ask them now that did they receive any message from the sender on shipping it here through another shipping company. Am yet to get an answer
When you are with Dave what did you discuss
Anna: We prayed and spoke about what happened. I told her what you told me and I asked her if there's anything she can do
Sven: What was her response
Anna: She promised me to contact you and see what she could do
Did she tell you already she contacted the shipping company?
Sven: She's yet to tell me she contacted the company
Will I ask her that
Anna: ok
Sven: You can ask her also and ask what is the plan of getting the parcel here
You know we are the one that need their help
Anna: yes I know, but I asked her already to help her and she promised she'd help you as best as she can.
Sven: I pray she do that fast
Did you see reverend
Anna: No I didn't
Sven: Okay

Posted: Thu Feb 07, 2019 4:59 pm

^^^ LOLOL!

Sister Dave is just a simple church secretary and she does not know the "secrets" of the shipping companies ... of course, if Sven wants this, then sister Dave can write a mail to TSC and ask for a second company. Of course, the opening and inventory of the package is mandatory, but Sven will find this from TSC. Laughing

===

17.45 - Sven to Claude, very laconic:

Quote:

Okay

Claude:

Quote:

Dear Sven,

"Okay" what?
You did not answer my questions about choosing a second shipping company.
What did you decide? My opinion is to do a small price study at your local companies and see what seems more attractive to you.

Thank you for using TSC, the finest in 5-Star Customer Service.
Claude

Sven is somewhat irritate. Laughing

Quote:

I told you am not the one to decide on that. The sender will do that because he will be the one to pay. I only ask you did you receive any message from him

Claude, innocent 200%... I surely know Sven will not enjoy it at all. Laughing

Quote:

Dear Sven, I understand only now.
I thought both of you (sender & receiver) discussed these details, before you started the necessary steps.
Theoretically, the opening and inventory of parcel products is done on the same day.
Then, the Sender and the Receiver must confirm the accuracy of the inventory list. That's all!
Basically, almost always there is a delay of 24 hours, there is not always available flight.

Thank you for using TSC, the finest in 5-Star Customer Service.
Claude

18.10 - Our moron really insists. Laughing

Quote:

Must you open the parcel when you have the inventory list already

Claude, 300% innocent:

Quote:

Dear Sven,

It always opens and inventory is fully made on the entire contents of the parcels, in these situations. In order to avoid any attempts at fraud, that is, to claim that you had in the parcel some goods that have never really existed. And then claim the money from the insurance companies. It's a standard procedure.

It's as if you were claiming that in that package there were some video-cameras (just for example) and you would like to get the money back from the insurance... though we know very well that there were not those camcorders in the parcel.
Now you got it?

Thank you for using TSC, the finest in 5-Star Customer Service.
Claude

18.25 - Poor idiot! Twisted Evil

Quote:

No Claude so far I will open it in front of the agent that bring it. How will I lie about what is not there. When you get the message from the sender don't remove the seal your company put in the front of the sender. Just put it there the way it is before no opening of the parcel use the inventory list. With these we are fine. Thanks

Claude, full of innocence. Laughing

Quote:

Dear Sven,

I think you do not want to accept reality.
Procedures are standard and all companies are doing this. These rules are not "negotiable", and the customer can not impose his point of view.
So to be clear, the package will be inventoried and photographed before assignment to a third company. I'm clear?

Thank you for using TSC, the finest in 5-Star Customer Service.
Claude

Muahahaha! Sven is so tired and stressed:

Quote:

Never mind the sender will get across to you

Claude:

Quote:

Dear Sven,

I'm glad I was able to help!
Our motto is "A satisfied customer is a customer that we keep in the future!"
We'll do our best for you to be happy!

Thank you for using TSC, the finest in 5-Star Customer Service.
Claude

===

MUHAHAHAHA! Laughing

Sven, full of angry and desperate:

Quote:

Your company never make me happy at all.
You stressed the hell out of me.
At first why can't you make contact with your branch in Nigeria before accepting parcels for Nigeria

Claude:

Quote:

Dear Sven,

I'm sorry you feel so uncomfortable! We will do everything possible for you to receive what you deserve!
Please make a complete report of your entire story as soon as the sender handed over the package to our Liverpool representative.
I will present it to our boss and insist that you receive what is called "financial and moral compensation".
There are some cases where dissatisfied clients have received tens of thousands of dollars, just not to sue the company.
Of course, you will have to accept the money and declare officially that you have nothing to complain about.
I think I can get between $ 5-10,000, depending on how your report is devised (how detailed and accurate it is).

Thank you for using TSC, the finest in 5-Star Customer Service.
Claude

Not quite a Newb Joined: 08 Nov 2018 Posts: 46

Classic Customer service response.
Customer is angry and demoralized, and customer service with a big s*#$ eating grin, "glad I could help, have a good day". love it!

Posted: Thu Feb 07, 2019 6:26 pm

Quote:

We will do everything possible for you to receive what you deserve!

Oh, I think Claude is doing a very good job of that right now. Part of that "finest in 5-Star Customer Service". Twisted Evil

Posted: Thu Feb 07, 2019 6:30 pm

^^^ LOL!

Back to our funny day. Laughing

Sister Dave.

Quote:

Dear brother Sven,

I have just returned to my computer and I received a message from Sister Anna a few hours ago saying you want me to ask the shipping company to send your parcel with another shipping company. I'm sorry you had to wait for my confirmation so long.
I will send a message to mr. Claude with this request, to arrange it as soon as possible.

Be blessed
sister Dave

Sven:

Quote:

Ok, thank you. But please give them this warning not to open the parcel because if they do they will take the envelope away from the parcel. Thanks

===

Sven to Anna:

Quote:

Only sister Dave can force them not to open it because she's the sender and she has the right to complain

Anna:

Quote:

Tell them not to open it. They can't do that or we lose everything. Please don't let them do that

Sven:

Quote:

Only sister Dave can do that because have try all I can. Maybe sister Dave can tell them she put envelope in the parcel that the envelope is not on the list.

Anna:

Quote:

In the other email you forwarded to me it says you both need to agree. Did you have contact with sister Dave in the last few hours?

Sven:

Quote:

Yes, I did.

and

Quote:

She contacted them now please beg her to convince them on the envelope in case they open it

===

Sister Dave sent a message to Claude... our idiot is in CC:

Quote:

Dear mr. Claude,

I am contacting you because of the parcel we have sent through your company to mr. Sven. I heard there have been some problems and you need my agreement to send it to him with a third party shipping company.
Reverend Paul is the sender of the parcel and he gave his consent. Please give us all necessary details to have it shipped with a third party company as soon as possible. We will fully cooperate.

Be blessed
sister Dave

Claude responds to sister Dave (Sven is in CC):

Quote:

Dear sister Dave, dear Mr. Sven,

Of course, it is an honor for us to meet the wishes of our clients.
The procedure is extremely simple and efficient, as long as both parties (sender & receiver) agree:
- the sender pays the shipping cost of the third party company.
- the receiver studies and requests the use of a particular company, so that everything is perfect. The responsibility of choice belongs to the receiver.
- the sender and the receiver verify and approve the contents of the inventory list drawn up by representatives of both shipping companies + the customs authority. Various photos and a written report are presented, which the sender and receiver must accept / approve.
- within 24 hours the products are packaged and sent to the destination (usually a delay of another 24 hours is acceptable, for non-imputable reasons).

All procedures are standardized and mandatory. If the inventory reveals the presence of prohibited products (toxic chemicals, weapons, cash money, prohibited drugs, etc.) then the customs authority confiscates everything and draws up a criminal prosecution file.
If you agree, we can proceed at any time.

Thank you for using TSC, the finest in 5-Star Customer Service.
Claude

I can really see the smoke coming out of Sven's two cell brain. Laughing

Posted: Thu Feb 07, 2019 7:11 pm

Brilliant work, as usual. I would have expected nothing less from you two. Hopefully he will enjoy Parakou even more than Kamba.

Let it go.... "I, Sven, am not a gay!"	View next topic View previous topic